Forgive Me, Please
by AcrossTheSkyInStars
Summary: For Edward, life was never easy. Now, at the end of the line, hanging on by a thread, Bella offers him a choice. Will he own up to the demons of his past or let it rip their rocky relationship apart? AH, OOC. Old synopsis in first chapter.
1. Can't Take It

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**A/N:** Okay, so this is my second fanfic : )

I had this idea rolling around in my head for a while. And I'm excited to finally get it out there. It's a little different from my other one, if any of you have read that one. But I like it all the same. Totally different character traits than LFK.

I decided to write a bit of a better synopsis here, because the small amount of space they give you is retarded...

**Edward and Bella are on-again off-again. Alice and Jasper are step-siblings who want to be more. Rosalie is a new student from France. Emmett is...Emmett. Drama ensues as they struggle through their senior year. ****Edward and Bella encounter even more problems in their already unstable relationship, causing a bigger rift between them. Will their relationship survive? And what is Edward's secret that he is unable to confess to the love of his life? Better yet, what will happen to make Edward realize he doesn't have all the time in the world?**

Hope you enjoy!

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"_**Not a million fights could make me hate you, **__**you're invincible, **_

_**yeah, it's true; it's in your eyes where I find peace"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I thundered towards the school after slamming the door to the Jeep shut with an inhuman amount of force. My book bag was slung over my shoulder, my unused notebooks and abundance of pens were rolling around inside as I tried not to run out of the parking lot. I knew he would be here soon, and I didn't want to see him right now, or ever again. _Pfft, yeah right. _I took the steps two at a time that led up to the double doors that allowed me entrance to the school. I swiftly manoeuvred through the crowd, thankful that my coordinated self was alert today. I made my way to the main office; I had lost my dear schedule and couldn't recall a thing I had chosen to take this year. Just before I reached the doors that would cloak my whereabouts in darkness I heard someone call my name. It wasn't the smooth, velvety voice that I feared, which calmed me instantly. I turned around because I knew exactly who it was...I hadn't left his car very graciously.

"Coop, slow down," Emmett said to me, feigning breathlessness. He was the star runner of the Forks High track team three years in a row; like he could ever get out of breath. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Yeah Atwood, like you would ever need to take a breather. Give me a break," I told him, giving him his O.C nickname. I became literally obsessed with The O.C a few years back, watching the show religiously. Soon after a lot of shit went down in my life and Emmett nicknamed me Marissa Cooper's nickname Coop – because my life was possibly more dramatic than hers had ever been...okay maybe not. But it was close. Maybe my life was more like the Hill's because it was _real life _drama. I nicknamed him Atwood because in all honesty he did remind me of the Ryan Atwood character – throw punches now, ask questions later. Most times I praised him for being like that, he protected me when I needed it; he was my best friend. But there are just some things that he can't protect me from..._him _being one of them.

"Okay I give," Emmett said throwing his bear-claw sized hands up in defeat. "Just stop running away. You need to chill." I took a deep breath in, the school was steadily beginning to fill up with the hundreds of students that were returning to Fork's High yet again...for another year of drama. Why was my life so...not shitty...yeah shitty. I can't think of a better word to describe it. Not that I hated my life or myself. I'm not suicidal or anything. Sometimes though life just hurls shit your way that you can't control and that ends up hurting you more ways than you can count. And right now my fucking stupid heart was broken. But I hadn't cried yet, and it had been a week.

"Emmett I can't chill. I don't want to even look at him," I told him, hugging my sides to me. After everything that had happened I was now officially broken. Nothing could break me anymore than this had, and it sucked. Being my best friend Emmett knew that I wasn't okay, and he tried to help me as much as he could.

"Want me to kick his ass?" Emmett asked, joking around. I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't lay a finger on him, no matter how much he had hurt me.

"You Atwood...hurt Cohen? I'd love to see that day. You'd never lay a hand on him. You're all talk Emmett," I said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Bitch," Emmett said. I laughed.

"Jerk," I replied. "You know I'm right." But then I froze. I saw him. He came strolling down the hall, wearing his stupid signature brown jacket that looked so good on him. I cursed myself inside my head. I darted into the office without another glance at him, Emmett remained outside. Upon my entrance several things happened at once. Chaos consumed the office. There were easily ten or eleven people crammed into the awfully small space. The secretaries were clearly flustered, speaking loudly and running behind their desks to fetch whatever it is they needed. I noticed at the front of the line there was a tall blond girl that I had never seen before – she must be new. After the girl was done talking the secretary stood up and looked around the office, she looked like she was about to give up her search for whoever it was she was looking for when she found me.

"Bella!" She called, motioning me to go to her. I pushed some people out of my way and made it up to Mrs. Cope's desk. She was my favourite person at Fork's High, she was such a sweetheart, and she was friends with my mom.

"Hey Sandy," I said. Her name was Sandra, but I always called her Sandy. I'd known her since I was five.

"Would you mind at all helping Miss Hale around today. She's new. She just moved here from France a few months ago." Sandy smiled at me, a pleasant, jovial smile. Like she usually did. Her black-rimmed glasses that were pushed up high on her nose made the glare from the light shine in my eyes. I nodded.

"Sure," I told her. "Oh I lost my schedule," I added sheepishly. She rolled her eyes at me and reached under some papers and produced me a new schedule. I thanked her and turned to the blond girl. My jaw nearly unhinged – she was gorgeous. I suppose with that European beauty and all.

"Hey. I'm Bella," I told her, holding my hand out. The girl smiled at me and it just made her more beautiful. Holy shit. I felt so small and ugly compared to her Xena like stature and her model like features.

"I'm Rosalie," she told me in a mild French accent. It added to her charm. I smiled back at her and released her hand.

"So what do you have first?" I asked, noting the large stack of papers Rosalie had in her hands. She flipped through them and pulled out a schedule, looking at it with furrowed brows. I laughed.

"Um," she said, looking at the schedule now like she was reading Japanese. I took the schedule from her and read that her first period was History.

"You have History," I told her. "With Mr. Sienna." She looked at me like I had three heads. "You know what I'm saying right?" I asked, hoping to god she spoke well enough English.

"I'm sorry. I'm...how you say, nervous?" She asked, her accent flaring up at the word nervous. I smiled warmly at her. She was scared to be at a new school. I'm sure guys would be lined up by the end of the day wanting her phone number; she didn't need to be nervous.

"Don't be," I told her. She smiled back and took the schedule from me.

"You'll help me?" She asked, furrowing her perfectly sculpted brows at me again, hoping my answer would be a yes. I nodded.

"Of course I will." I led her out of the office and completely forgot about everything that had happened before I left the hall. He wasn't there thankfully, and Emmett still remained. Oh how he would be all over Rosalie. I turned to Emmett when Rosalie and I were out of the office and Emmett didn't even see me. He looked straight past me and into the face of the drop dead gorgeous French girl standing over my left shoulder. He elbowed me out of the way and stuck his large arm out in front of him. He was such a complete moron sometimes.

"I'm Emmett," he said, shaking Rosalie's hand with both of his hands. He had her small hand in his and had his other hand on the other side, trapping her. Rosalie blushed a deep scarlet, colouring her face perfectly, and she replied timidly.

"I'm Rosalie," she said, her French accent subdued slightly. Emmett's eyes widened. I stood before them, trying so hard not to laugh. Emmett was entranced.

"Where are you from?" Emmett asked, not letting her hand go. Oh Emmett you tool.

"France," Rosalie replied, her flashing green eyes staring into Emmett's. Emmett was staring at her like a complete moron. _Breathe Emmett; come on you can do it._

Stupid fucker.

"I'm going to class. Rosalie are you coming?" I asked loathing the love-at-first-sight exchange these two were having. It made me want to barf.

"Oh yes," she said, trying to let go of Emmett's hand. He wouldn't have this.

"What do you have?" Emmett asked, hope leaking into his voice like there was no tomorrow. He probably did have History with her because he did take it after all. Rosalie handed him her schedule and Emmett shouted a loud 'yes' and gave it back to her. "Okay sweetheart. You can come with me."

Rosalie looked at me, giving me a should-I-follow-this-weird-dude type of look. I waved my hand at her, telling her to go with Emmett and she smiled at me. Emmett took her hand and held it as they walked down the hall, to their History class. Emmett was a complete womanizer, just waiting to find his next victim. He had already fucked the whole female population of Forks so the prospect of a new student, and a European for that matter, was probably all too inviting for Emmett. I turned around and headed in the other direction, to my AP English class. I was too smart for my own fucking good. It's not like I really wanted to go to college or anything. But Sandy had insisted that taking AP classes were good for me anyways, in case I ever changed my mind...which was doubtful. With a resounding sigh I entered the classroom, to see a teacher behind the desk that I had never seen before. Written on the board behind her was a name that read Mrs. Bright. She was a slender woman with soft facial features; she was fairly pretty. Her light orange hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and she was making some notes down on a piece of paper. I made my way to the back of the class and took a seat against the wall. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a pen and a clean, fresh notebook. When I came back up someone was sitting beside me; great.

"Hey Bella," a low but boyish voice said. _Mike, _my mind warned.

"Hey Mike," I said, knowing what the fuck he came over here for. _You fucking prick. _

"So, I uh...heard," he said. I looked at him with hard eyes and a tight jaw. "Is it true?" He asked, trying on that smouldering look. It didn't fit him.

"Yes," I said through heavily clenched teeth. Mike smiled at me.

"Can we hang out after school?"

"I'm single for a week and you're already hitting on me. Get another fixation you low life," I said to him, turning to face the front of the class in disgust.

"Well I would have been hitting on you sooner had I been able to find you," he said, leaning into me. His hand brushed my long, chestnut brown hair off my shoulder and let it hang down my back. I recoiled from his touch but hit the wall. Why the fuck did I choose to sit here? Mike moved with me and he brushed his nose against my cheek. His hand trailed down my side and rested against the side of my hip, my skirt had rode up when I sat down and he was close to the skin of my thigh.

"Fuck off," I said, pushing against his side. He gave me a dark chuckle and shook his head.

"Come on Bella. It's been a few years. I miss you," he told me, planting a soft kiss on my cheek. I elbowed him away from me; I needed his disgusting hands off of me. I can't believe I ever let him touch me with those.

"I don't miss you, screw off," I said, sneering every word. He really had to stop hitting on me. It had gotten his ass kicked numerous times but he still persisted like the dumb shit he was.

"Aw, don't be like that Bella," Mike said, playing with the ends of my hair. I pushed his hand away and dreaded my life right now. Here we go. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm already feeling the drama of this year weighing heavily on my too small shoulders.

"God. Just leave me alone," I told him, standing up. I took my book bag, my notebook and my pen with me and left him there. I found another empty seat next to Lauren and took that. She glared at me as I sat down. Why did every girl in this school hate my guts with a fiery passion? _Hmm...I don't know. Maybe because you've been on-again-off-again with the hottest guy at the school for the past two years, and you're best friends with the second hottest guy. _Could be.

I was glad that this was the point that the final bell rang and the teacher was finally able to begin her lesson. She seemed really nice, explaining the course outline in full detail, telling us how many books we were to waste our time reading. They all seemed fairly easy. I paid next to no attention to her by the end of class. I was too focussed on trying to avoid _him _for the rest of the day. Which was probably going to be impossible? He had broke my heart...again...for the third time in two years. He was a fucking asshole.

"Care to move?" Lauren asked quite rudely, standing next to me with a hand on her hip. I pulled my chair in to allow her to pass and she hit me on the head with her book bag while passing me.

"Bitch," I muttered under my breath. I knew she heard it but she didn't respond. She didn't have the guts to respond...she knew what was good for her and fighting with me wasn't it. I stood up after packing my things away and headed to my next class – Biology. As I stood out front of the door I realized with a sudden ferocity that he probably had this class too. I had taken my time getting here so it was probably already full. I swung the door opened and my suspicions had been right. The class was full, with the exception of one lone open seat...next to...guess who? Who else would it fucking be? I grudgingly made my way over to him, slinging my bag down on the floor. He shifted his whole body towards me and stared at me. I hadn't seen him in a week, despite him trying to break down my bedroom door. I looked forward, like I didn't notice him piercing my soul with his entrancing gaze. He became irritated after a minute and grabbed my bare left knee. He roughly spun me...my whole body shifted towards him in a fraction of a second and he broke my heart all over again. Why was he so good looking? It wasn't fair.

"Hi." Was his grand opening.

"Wow. Don't overdo yourself," I said venomously, trying to keep my coherency. His hard, deep, vibrant, familiar green eyes studied my face.

"I didn't know if you wanted to talk to me," he said, his gorgeous lips pouting with every word. His tongue ran over his lips after he was done and he was making it so hard for me to hate him right now.

"I _don't_ want to talk to you," I said, feeling my emotions creeping up into every word I spoke. I could feel myself losing it and I tried to keep my emotions in check. I hadn't cried yet, and I wasn't about to do it now, especially in front of him.

"But you are," he pointed out. Way to point out the obvious you asshole. I didn't disregard the fact that his hand was still grasping my knee tightly either.

"Only because you wouldn't let me ignore you like I had been," I said to him, trying my best to sound together. His bright eyes dulled ever so slightly and I took notice. He wasn't usually one to give up once he was in pursuit of something. He knew I was mad at him. I wanted to hate him...so bad; I knew it would never happen. No matter how much I had tried to hate him in the past I couldn't...I loved him. Like the stupid, naive girl that I was.

"Please stop ignoring me. I really think we should just talk," he said, softening his voice. It was velvety smooth, and I would recognize his voice even if I was dead. But _wow_...after everything, _now _he wants to talk...how ridiculous. I could feel myself dangerously close to crying...it was something about being with him again that was making me want to bawl like a baby. He took his hand off my knee and moved it to my face, caressing my cheek. My skin jumped at the mild electric current that always flowed through us when we had skin to skin contact. I began to tremble.

"Edward stop," I said, taking his hand away. My voice was quiet and almost shaky. He wouldn't make me cry...not here. When I peeled his last finger off my cheek he wouldn't let go of my hand.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was sorry?" He asked, squeezing my hand gently. He had said that word too many times for me to believe it anymore. He said that word as frequently as he said his fucking name. I studied his face, searching for something that told me he was genuinely sorry. Of course I found it...it was there. He _was _sorry. But it didn't mean that he wouldn't fuck up again like he always did.

"Would you believe you?" He contemplated my question. Take that you prick. See how you would feel in my shoes. I'm the one who has had to deal with his shit for the past two years. The lying, the fuck-ups, the disappearances, the fights...the cheating...all of it. And he had the nerve to ask me if I still trusted him.

"Yes. Only because I know how sorry I am," he said, his captivating eyes staring me down. He would make me believe him. He knew how to make me weak in the knees.

Before I could say anything Mr. Banner started the class, warranting our full attention. I pulled my hand out of Edward's and grabbed my stuff from my bag. I was glad for the distraction...I needed to gather my thoughts. Figure out a way to handle all this shit that he was putting me through. I still remember that night...fucking a week and a half ago...

_Edward and I climbed the stairs to Alice and Jasper's monster of a house in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was literally monstrous, but deeply secluded within the confines of the Forks forest. The cops never showed up here when Alice and Jasper threw their ceremonious end of summer bash – it was too out of the way for them to care. When we reached the last step I could hear the loud, booming music through the door and smiled. I loved this party every year...well the two before this one had been pretty much amazing. Edward pushed the door open and the blaring music hit me like a brick wall, deafening me instantly. He smiled his perfect, crooked smile at me and pulled me inside, keeping his arm securely around my waist. He was so possessive of me...it was like he owned me or something. He had always been this way, and there was no way he was changing anytime soon – I lived with it. Sometimes it made me feel special because it reminded me of how much he loved me._

"_Bella!" I heard Jasper call over the music. I scanned the crowd and saw him standing near the base of the staircase, Alice close by his side. The both of them made me want to laugh...and barf...all at the same time. This house that they lived in was Alice's moms and Jasper's dads...together. They had been step-siblings for almost six years and had – within the last month and a half – realized they were more than attracted to each other. Alice had told me how they had made out on several occasions and were thinking about finally sleeping together. How lovely. Step siblings screwing each other. I mean...I guess they weren't related, but their parents were married. It always sent a shiver through me. But I was really close to both of them and loved them, they were like the brother and sister I never had – and I could tell that they weren't just all of a sudden doing this for fun. They both knew each other better than I knew each of them, so they both knew that they wanted each other._

"_Hey Jazz," I said, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. I always did this. And like always, Edward pulled me away. Protective, sexy son of a bitch. Jasper was a close friend, and someone I never considered to be anything more with. I looked beside me and gave Edward that look he knew. His hard eyes stared at me with a raging passion. I knew he didn't like it when I kissed Jasper or Emmett on the cheek; it drove him mad._

"_Hey Alice," I said, turning my attention now to her. She smiled a little, and narrowed her eyes at me. As of late Alice hadn't been taking too kind to my exchanges with Jasper either._

"_Hey Bella," she replied in a chipper voice. "Hey Edward." _

_Edward pulled me closer and nodded his head at Alice. That was about the time Emmett came up from god knows where and practically jumped on Edward. _

"_Eddddwarrrdd!" Emmett yelled. Oh god, was he drunk already? It wasn't even eleven yet. Emmett and Edward were – I swear to god – separated at birth. They were cousins...but I swear they could have been twins. When Edward moved here in eighth grade to live with Emmett we all became very close friends. I already was close with Emmett. So Edward and I were always close friends, but then in the summer of freshman year something just...I don't know...clicked inside of me and I was attracted to Edward on a level other than friendship. And he felt the same way. And our relationship was more fucked up than I can even begin to explain, but I loved him. And when he wasn't doing something completely juvenile and heartbreaking he actually seemed to love me back. But so far he had broken my heart twice...and I still ran back into his arms like the idiot I am._

"_Emmett man you weigh a ton," Edward said, shaking Emmett off his back. Emmett hiccupped and laughed – god he was so drunk. Emmett kept laughing when nothing was even funny and began ranting about some chick whose tongue he had in his mouth all of about five minutes ago. With which I had responded 'Sure, sure, Emmett'. He always boasted about his accomplishments...he was such a moron. _

_The next I remember Edward had got us both a drink and we were contentedly sitting against the back of the couch, Edward was taking in everything before him, frequently refilling his drink. I wanted to know why in the hell he was drinking so much. Sure we partied often but he never got completely hammered. I decided to push my luck and ask him. Lately he had been a short fuse and I didn't know why. He was curt with me a lot of the time and he never really talked about his feelings much; most of the time it drove me mad. In this case it drove me to drink._

"_Are you okay?" I asked, finishing off my rum and coke? I think that's what it was._

"_I'll get you another one," Edward said, clearly avoiding my question. He was pissing me off. He returned not a minute later with both our cups refilled. He was stumbling slightly on his way back. I tried to suppress my worry._

"_Can you please answer my question?" I asked, pressing the matter. He never talked to me._

"_Can you just drop it? I don't want to talk about it," he said coldly. He no longer even emitted anything that resembled happiness. His mood swings shifted like the wind blew._

"_Edward you never want to talk about anything! I don't even feel like your girlfriend half the time. Except maybe when you snatch me away from Jasper like the possessive bastard you are!" I yelled in his face. His tight jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard...but sexy. I bit my lip, trying not to jump him right now. Yelling and screaming at each other always made us hot. He took my drink from my hand and set it down on the table. He came to stand in front of me and picked me up, setting my ass down on the back of the couch; now I was more level with him. He grabbed my face in between his hands and pressed his delicious lips on mine. _You bastard. _He was avoiding me again by not talking. And he knew that using his body would get me to shut the fuck up. He parted his lips and forced his tongue inside my mouth. I brushed my tongue against his, relishing in the left over rum and coke taste that his tongue had. He released me after a minute and left me there...panting. I hated when he did that! He passed me back my drink and continued to be silent._

"_I still want you to talk to me," I said sadly, knowing he still wouldn't talk. He huffed loudly, annoyed with my persistence._

"_Bella just...please. Leave it the fuck alone. I don't want to talk." He made me so upset I wanted to cry. This wasn't the way a normal relationship was meant to function. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this shit._

"_Edward..." I said, trying to find the words to tell him that this relationship was a dysfunctional wreck. "I can't keep doing this. You never talk to me. You never let me know when something's bothering you. And it's driving me crazy." His shoulders tensed and he stared straight ahead, polishing off the last bit of his seventh rum and coke. "And why are you drinking so much."_

"_None of your business," he spat, venturing off to get another. Like hell it wasn't my business? He was my boyfriend. When he returned he was colder now, if it was possible. My heart was breaking and my insides were twisting. This relationship was killing me...if I could even call it a relationship anymore._

"_How is what you're going through none of my business?" I asked, feeling my alcohol glazed eyes sting with tears. _

"_It just isn't Bella. I need to...I don't know. Figure shit out on my own." _

_Great so now he's breaking up with me...yet again._

"_You know Edward...this time it'll be for good. Figure shit out on your own for the rest of your life. I can't deal with this non-relationship anymore," I said, walking away. I felt the tears streaming down my face as I hurried up the stairs. The half a cup of rum and coke was sloshing around, covering the steps as I reached the top. He always managed to hurt me, even if he did nothing. He never talked to me anymore and he always acted indifferent to me and my feelings – except when we were alone. When Edward and I were intimate and secluded from everyone else he was a completely different person. He was sweet and kind and caring. But in front of everyone else he had this stubborn, hard, bad-boy exterior that made him almost unapproachable and down right sexy. I darted into Alice's bedroom, flicking on the light and dropping lifelessly onto her bed. I couldn't believe I was here again...broken up with Edward because he was a fool. I wiped the few stupid tears that had fallen from my eyes and let a tearless sob erupt from my chest._

"_Bella!" I heard Edward yell angrily. I cringed into the blanket. I did love him and he was a sweetheart sometimes, but when he got angry and drunk...he scared me. I was afraid one time that he was going to hit me, but he never had._

"_Bella!" I heard again, his voice was closer. He swung the door open to Alice's bedroom and stood in its frame; his frantic green eyes glazed over in his intoxication – he was close to being drunk. "What the hell was that?" He asked, taking three strides into the room, coming to a stop at the edge of the bed. I scurried backwards but he grabbed my ankle, stopping my movements. "Downstairs. What was that?"_

"_You said you needed to figure stuff out on your own. So you're on your own. I won't drag you down any longer," I said in a small voice, keeping my eyes on his crazed ones. He narrowed his eyes at me._

"_I didn't mean that I was breaking up with you. I need you," he said, pulling my ankle to him. His movements were rough and jagged; I could feel my ankle bruising. I bit my lip to stop from whimpering – he was hurting me. "I need you Bella," he repeated. His eyes were full of emotions I had never seen before, and they were scaring me._

"_Edward I can't do this. You don't want _me _exactly. You just need someone. I can't be that someone anymore. You've hurt me too much." He knotted both of his hands in his hair and he closed his eyes, shaking his head from side to side._

"_No!" He yelled loudly, making me jump. He opened his eyes and lunged at me. I laid flat down on the bed and he hovered above me, his hands pressing down hard on my shoulders; I couldn't move an inch. "I need _you _Bella. You are mine. And I'm not letting you go this time." His palms were digging into my collarbone now, pinching my skin and most likely bruising it as well. I squirmed beneath him._

"_Ow. Edward...you're hurting me," I said, grasping at his forearm. He pulled back a tiny bit, only to push down on me so much harder. His fingertips dug ferociously into the tops of my shoulders. I couldn't help it; I let out a cry of pain, clenching my eyes shut. "Edward..." I said, trying to pry his hands away._

"_Bella you can't do this to me." His tone was commanding, like he was giving me an order, not begging me to do something. He pushed down on my shoulders further. The pain increased and my shoulders were throbbing._

"_Okay," I finally agreed. He was hurting me too much for me to say anything else. "Okay. Edward you win. I won't leave you," I said to him, opening my eyes. His inebriated gaze met mine and I convinced him with my pleading stare that I was being serious. His grip on me loosened and he pulled me up, crushing me into a hug._

"_I love you. You know that right? I love you Bella," he said, rocking me back and forth. I knew that he loved me...but a lot of the time he didn't even act like it, and it made me want to die inside._

"_You have an odd way of showing it," I said, pulling away from him a little bit. His lips were a thin, tight line and he didn't respond, like always. He kept me in this hug for another moment before he released me and took my hand, towing me out of the room. I suddenly realized that now I was still trapped in this joke of a relationship, madly in love with him when he wasn't madly in love with me back. He dragged me back downstairs and I knew that people took notice that we went temporarily missing. Jasper gave me a weary look and I bit my lip in response, trying not to cry from how messed up my life was right now. Edward handed me another drink and kissed me roughly on the lips._

"_I'll see you in a bit I'm going to go...mingle." He took off without another word and I knew what 'mingle' meant. It meant 'I'm going to go get high'. Great. I dragged myself over to Jasper who was standing near the bar with Alice. I sat down on one of the six barstools they had and slammed my head down on the table top._

"_Bella. Why don't you just leave him?" Alice asked me, taking up a seat next to me. I willed myself not to cry._

"_Because I love him. And he won't let me anyways," I said, pulling the collar of my navy blue crew neck to the side, revealing my darkened skin. It was red and irritated right now, but I knew it would bruise later. Alice gasped, and Jasper choked on his drink._

"_He did that to you?" Alice asked, her shocked fingers tracing a line over where Edward had forcibly dug his hands into my flesh. I nodded and let the fabric fall back into place._

"_Where is he?" Jasper asked, his grey-blue eyes hardening. Jasper and Edward were about the same height and of the same build, but Edward was crazy, and Jasper would get ripped apart._

"_Getting high," I said sadly. I hated that he still did that while I constantly asked him not to. "Jasper please just leave it alone."_

"_Bella you can't keep doing this! He is making you miserable! He doesn't deserve you," Jasper told me in a tone riddled in disbelief. "I can't believe you." He shook his head at me. I let Jasper's comments sink in and knew he was right. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I needed to break it off with him or force him to change...which would never happen._

"_You're right," I whispered, lifting my head. I needed my confidence now if I was going to do this. "Can I have a shot?" Jasper reached beneath the surface of the bar and produced a bottle of vodka. He poured me a double shot of it and I sucked it back, welcoming the deep burn. I thanked him and headed for the door, determined to provide Edward with this ultimatum. I opened the door and searched the driveway for him. He wasn't there. He usually didn't get high alone, so he was probably with someone. I looked to my right, and walked over to the edge of the railing that surrounded the wide porch. I peered over and he wasn't there either. I turned back around, and looked to the left. _

_In the complete darkness, sitting on the antique porch swing to the left of the doorway was Edward, and Jessica Stanley. They didn't notice me at first, but I watched them intently, not moving an inch to even breathe. He took a hit and passed his joint to her. He watched her, almost like he was hypnotized as she followed his movements. I couldn't hear if they were talking because the music was too loud, but I could see everything. Jessica's free hand rested on Edward's knee and he didn't even have it in him to push it away. He rubbed his hand along her shoulder affectionately, and I wanted to die. Jessica kept the joint between her fingers and moved her other hand up on Edward's thigh, resting it right by his crotch. The fucking bitch. I still didn't move. I wanted to see what he would do. Jessica turned her head in the direction of Edward's face and leant up to him with certainty. She placed her lips on his for a brief moment before pulling away. She looked at him and he gazed back at her. He didn't look at her with any emotion in his eyes. He looked void of emotion at all. I felt my insides twisting like crazy; bile rising in my throat. _

_He grabbed her face and kissed her._

_He actually kissed her._

_Not just some plain, chaste kiss. A full out tongues and panting kiss. I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes, willing this all to be a dream. Sure Edward had been a jerk in the past, but never had he cheated on me. I opened my eyes to find the same scene in front of me, and it made me sick._

"Bella," Edward's voice said to me, snapping me out of my memory of that horrible night. I glanced sideways at him and tried to pay no attention to him. I noticed that the class was filing out and I had completely tuned out the last ten minutes of the lesson. I collected my things and went for my book bag; Edward was faster than me and snatched it away from me.

"Give it back," I said, feeling the heat of my anger creeping up on my cheeks.

"Not until you let me apologize," he said, holding the bag to his chest.

"You're apologies are no good. Why are you all of a sudden inclined to talk to me now? After everything's already fucked to hell." I turned in my seat now, staring at him with wondering eyes. He was so odd and frustrating.

"Please," he said, his eyes looked sincere. I had lunch now anyways. I may as well humour him.

"Fine. You get ten minutes." I grumbled at my crumbling exterior. He always was the one to penetrate my shields and right now I hated it. He put everything in my bag and took my hand, towing me out of the room. He pulled me outside and dragged me to the side of the building, pushing me roughly against the brick wall.

"Get your hands off of me," I told him, shoving his abusive hands off my shoulders, which were still slightly bruised. He looked at me with confusion. I unzipped my light jacket a little bit and pulled aside my T-shirt, exposing the purple skin underneath near my collarbone. Edward's jaw flexed as he stared at my skin with anger.

"I...did that?" He asked, raising his hand to my neck. I ducked away from his hand.

"Yes you did you fucking asshole. So don't touch me," I said, zipping my jacket back up and hugging my sides to me. This is how much he had broken me. I had to hold my sides together to ensure I didn't fall apart.

"Bella I'm sorry. I was upset and drunk! You know me," he said, furrowing his brows. He wanted me to believe him, but I just couldn't.

"I didn't think you'd hurt me," I told him in a strong voice. He knew he had never done anything like that before. "You scared the living shit out of me and I just agreed to stay with you so you wouldn't break my collarbone. But after your little PDA with Skank Stanley I was pretty sure you could survive without me." His face fell. I hadn't told him that I had seen that much. He had seen me afterwards and caught my eye just before I disappeared into the door. I had seen the groping and the touching. I shuddered.

"How...I mean what'd you see?" He asked, stuffing his fists in his pockets.

"Enough," I replied. "So how was she? Did you fuck her?" I asked, my pissed off gaze raking over Edward as he processed my question. When I had left him outside that night was the last time I had seen him, and I didn't know what he had done the rest of the night. His eyes narrowed at me and he took a step closer, leaning down to me. His eyes were level with mine and he was scaring me again, he had that look in his eyes.

"Stop being a bitch," he said in a harsh tone. I just glared back. "You know you're the only one I've ever fucked. How can you ask me that?" His jaw went back to being clenched when he finished his question.

"It didn't stop you from sticking your tongue down Jess's throat and raking your hand over her chest you asinine prick." I spat my words at him, moving my face closer to his; showing him I wasn't going to lose this argument. He backed away, astounded. "I was there for all of it," I told him. "So no I will not forgive you. I'm done with this Edward. You've made me miserable ever since we started dating. You've lied...you've just up and left, you've punched Mike in the face more times than I can count. And now you've cheated on me. You're the biggest dick I've ever met in my life." I made to walk away but he blocked me. I knew he wouldn't let me go this easily – nothing with him ever _was _easy.

"Do you still love me?" He asked, stabbing the knife right at my weak spot. Of course I still loved him. I turned and looked up at him, tightening my jaw.

"No," I said, biting on my lip. I wasn't going to cry.

"You're a rotten liar Bella," he said, moving a hand to my hip.

"Yeah well you're an asshole." He softly chuckled.

"Then why do you love me?" He asked, pulling my body tightly to his. I gulped loudly, allowing his intoxicating scent to fill my nostrils and his strong hands to move freely along my hip bone.

"I don't love you," I told him. I contemplated trying to free myself from his grasp, but he wouldn't let me go even if I tried. He laughed a tiny bit and lowered his head to mine. He brushed his lips along my jaw line and his cool breath made my skin tingle. I hadn't been with him in a week. This was torture. He kissed the spot just below my earlobe, making me tremble. He flicked my earlobe with his tongue and nibbled on it, taking it between his teeth. I shivered. He dragged his teeth all down my neck, sending a chill down my spine and heating my insides. My hands that had been hanging limply at my sides were itching to explore his shoulders and hair, like they usually did. His hand that had been cupping my face was roughly pushed away by my idle hand. It had a mind of its own. Edward pulled his face away from me, aggravated that I was apparently not taking to his seduction. It was the opposite though...sadly for me.

I gripped the back of his neck violently, digging my fingernails into his skin. He growled at me and attacked my neck again, pulling my body flush against his. He kissed up to my cheek and kissed all along it, slowly making his way to my mouth. He pulled away first, his enticing green eyes studying my face. He put one of his hands on my ass and pressed my hips firmly against his. I whined.

"I hate you," I said, allowing for him to pick me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my skirt rode up to my hips as he forced my back against the cold brick wall. His hip bone dug into me and it added to my feelings of lust for him. Edward laughed when he heard me say that I hated him.

"If that's how you're saying it than I hate you too," he replied, gently placing his swollen, red lips on my mouth. He kissed me slowly, and deeply. I loved him like this, when we were alone. He was a whole other person when we were around everyone else. My lips parted in time with his and our tongues met in a slow synchronous motion. It was passionate and meaningful, and it made me cry because I hated to love him. I felt tears stinging my face as Edward tilted his head and deepened the kiss. My fingers made their way into his hair and I held his face close to mine. My back pressed hard against the wall but I couldn't find it in me to care. He pushed me against it, pinning me in between him and the wall. My tears were done flowing but my face was still stained with them. Edward pulled away after several minutes and kissed my wet cheeks. He kissed the side of my face and eventually made his way to my exposed throat. He removed a hand from underneath me and unzipped my jacket. He kissed further down my neck, licking along my bruised collarbone. He placed a soft kiss right where it was bruised and he rubbed the back of my head with affection.

"I'm sorry I did that to you," he said from my neck, still placing kisses wherever he could. "It's inexcusable."

"You weren't yourself," I said, delirious from the inebriated feeling he gave me. I knew that he had never hurt me before and that he was drunk when he did it. I knew that he was sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me.

"I was myself," he countered. He made his way back up my neck to my face and lightly pecked at my lips with several small kisses. "I was myself. And I hate me for doing that to you. I should never have done that. I just...couldn't control myself." He rested his forehead against mine and I knew he was sorry. But that didn't mean that he was any different or that he wouldn't do it again. "Can you ever forgive me?" His eyes opened and they were pleading. I rested my head against the wall and his head fell to my chest. He kissed me and licked at my exposed skin. "I can't...live...without, you," he said to me through his kissing. I would have scoffed at him hadn't I been so incoherent. He always said stuff like that to me, and then went and felt up the skank of Forks High.

"Or Jessica Stanley," I blurted. His lips froze in place and he let out a deep sigh.

"I'm sorry about that too. I can't even justify my actions. I don't even like her. She's actually repulsive," he said, kissing my cheek. "I just...I knew in the house you were lying to me Bella. I can tell...you're horrible at it. I could see how much I was hurting you but I couldn't stop. And then when I was leaving I stopped and saw that you went over to Jasper." He sneered Jasper's name. He is such a fucking moron.

"You need fucking help," I said to him, wriggling in his arms. He dropped me and I fell to the ground, my ass hitting the grass. "Gee thanks," I scowled, sitting there unmoving. He stood and said nothing. "You know you sure are one to talk Edward. Getting all pissed because I went over to Jasper _and Alice _after you left me to go get high." I stood up and put my finger against his chest. "You are the one who cheated on me. I've never, ever done anything wrong in this relationship and you use me and leave me like a dirty shirt. You," I said, poking my finger in between his pecks, "are an asshole. And you have no right getting pissed because I was hanging out with my friends." I dropped my hand to my side and fixed my skirt before I stalked off, taking my bag with me. His ten minutes was up. And nothing was changed. Except now he knew that I still fucking loved him like the idiot I was. I could hear him coming behind me and I sped up, disappearing into the double doors. I quickly made my way down the hall, Edward was definitely behind me. I could see people shooting me nervous glances from their lockers at Edward nearly chasing me down the hall.

I made my way to the cafeteria finally and swung the door open, hoping it would hit Edward in the face. I didn't hear it smash so my wishes were short-lived. I hurriedly walked over to the usual table that we occupied and found Emmett and Rosalie sitting next to each other, going over Rosalie's schedule. Alice and Jasper were each eating their meals in silence, watching Emmett and Rosalie. I took a chair and sat down, turning back around to see Edward just entering the cafeteria. I felt tears stinging my eyes again.

"Coop what's wrong?" Emmett said, his brows furrowing. Like he didn't know.

"Oh, Bella." Rosalie said, patting me on the back. "Don't cry." Her French accent made me smile despite the tears.

"Edward," I said to Emmett. The whole table – with the exception of Rosalie – tensed. I heard a low, barely audible hiss from Jasper.

"Bella will you stop running away from me and just let me speak god dammit?" Edward said as he approached the table. Edward's words weren't harsh, they were...pained. I turned to face him and his expression was almost heartbreaking. Tears streaked my face and he stepped closer to wipe them away. His hand grazed my face and he bent down, his knees touching the floor. He sat in front of me like an obedient dog. He grabbed both my hands in his and began kissing each of my knuckles slowly. My mouth hung open in shock. "Please let me explain," he begged, his soft lips pressing against my hands. I knew everyone behind me was watching us...and probably the rest of the cafeteria for that matter. Every girl at the school wanted Edward – simple as that. They all disgustingly vied for his attention and constantly threw themselves at him. He always brushed them off like they were nothing; until Stanley. It still made my skin fucking crawl. I realized as I sat there with a pleading Edward in front of me that he had been saying something about Jasper before he unceremoniously dropped me to the ground. So I nodded my head, clueless as to what Jasper or Alice had to do with this whole thing.

Everything he had done for me and to me today was shocking. He wiped my face dry of all the tears and affectionately held my face in his hands. His eyes looked full of...love? What the fuck is up with him. He never looked at me like this in public. He was acting very uncharacteristic for the Edward I knew. I inhaled sharply because he was actually being affectionate to me in public. He would usually just hold my hand and threaten any guy that wasn't Emmett or Jasper that came within ten feet of me – especially Mike Newton. But now he was being sweet, like when we were alone. When he was done drying my face he gently laced his fingers with mine and pulled me away from the table. I didn't even glance back at any of my friends who were most likely concerned as hell. Edward towed me along beside him and pulled me into an empty classroom around the corner from the cafeteria.

"Edward...what was all that?" I asked, pointing behind me. It most likely wasn't in the direction of the cafeteria but I didn't give a shit. Then he actually smiled at me. A genuine, heartfelt smile.

"You were upset. And I needed you to hear me explain myself." I waved my hand at him.

"Proceed," I said. He took up a spot on the teacher's desk and gestured for me to sit in front of him. I rested my ass on the edge of a desk and waited for him to begin.

"Okay. It's like I said before Bella. When I was leaving I saw you go over to Jasper...I didn't see Alice." I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth to say something when he stopped me. "Please just let me explain. Okay. So I didn't see Alice and I was pissed that after what happened you would go to him. And I was hammered Bella. And I was mad. And I knew you lied upstairs. So I just lost it. I started smoking up and Jessica came outside and asked me if she could join me. And I thought why not? Because you clearly didn't want this anymore and I thought that you were trying to...I don't know, break up with me because you wanted to be with him instead."

He finished his explanation and I was stunned to silence. First of all that had been the most I had ever heard him speak...outside the bedroom of course. And second of all he was so fucking stupid!

"You can say something anytime now Bella," he prompted. He looked almost nervous.

"Look Edward," I began, unhitching myself from the desk's edge. I took a step towards him. "I understand that you feel you have some sort of possession of me and you hate when I even look at Jasper. But he's my friend. _Friend._" I emphasized this word heavily. "And it's rather unfortunate that you didn't see Alice there as well, but maybe this will help us. And just a little F.Y.I, if you had pulled your head out of your ass long enough to pay attention to someone other than me or yourself you would realize that Jasper is practically in love with Alice."

"What?" He instantly asked in a tone of utter shock. "That's sick. They're practically brother and sister." A shiver ran through him as he contemplated the thoughts of Alice and Jasper together.

"I know. But that's just the way it is. And I don't like Jasper any more than a friend Edward. You need to stop with all of this. You know that I..." I didn't want to tell him I loved him right now. Because with all of this going on we were still in a horribly fucked up place. But hopefully if I gave him my ultimatum now he would be able to choose the right thing and try to work on our relationship.

"You what?" He asked, jumping down off the desk and coming to a halt right in front of me. I looked up to his face and huffed. He would make me say it. What a prick.

"I love you!" I yelled in his face. "Okay, I love you. And you know that. And you still hurt me all the time Edward. Do you even love me back?"

I asked, wishing tears to come. Maybe it would show him how truly fucking upset I was. I felt the sting of the tears a minute later and closed my eyes, allowing for a few drops to fall down my cheeks. He took my cheek in his hand and I whimpered at his touch.

"Bella don't be ridiculous, of course I love you," Edward said to me assuredly. I bit on my lip, trying to figure out how to present him with this tough decision that he had to make. Hopefully it wouldn't be tough for him and he could just decide to work on this and be with me. I decided to just cut to the chase – no beating around the bush with us.

"How much do you love me? Would you do anything for me?" I asked; weary of the bleakness of my question. He cocked an eyebrow at me, taking his hand away from my wet cheek.

"What would _anything _entail?" He asked me sceptically. I straightened my shoulders and composed myself. Now or never. He wants you or he doesn't.

"Okay. What I told you at the party; about not being able to deal with this...Edward I'm serious. While I do love you, I'm so unhappy. We both know this relationship is beyond fucked up. I mean...the only time you ever let me see the real you is when we're alone."

"Bella that's because I don't like people. You know that, I don't like people getting on the inside." I gave him a hard look; I wanted to do this with no interruptions. "Sorry. Continue."

"I need more Edward. I'm sorry. I might be selfish here but I want more from this relationship, I want more from you. So I've just decided that it will be your choice. You have two options. A: we stop dating and try to be friends, because I can't continue being with you like this. Or B: you promise to change. Because I know that person somewhere inside of you is good. You're good Edward. You just let on that you're not. I know better; you can't fool me. I know you're not that guy at the party or that one that possessively holds my hand on a daily basis. And after what happened at the party it's either a change...or I can't be with you anymore."

* * *

**A/N:** So there's the first chapter. Kind of crazy and random, but I like it. Let me know what you think please!!! And if you have any questions about their relationship feel free to ask. But next chapter will probably be more insightful. And just a heads up...it's all e.p.o.v next chapter : )

And the song quoted at the beginning is a song called Broken by Secondhand Serenade


	2. Ultimatum

**A/N: **Okay loves! Chapter two awaits you : )

I really hope you all liked the first chapter. This one is more insightful because it is Edward who has the massive issues obviously. So I hope this helps – e.p.o.v by the way (all of it).

Enjoy! (a lemon or two might have snuck in there)

* * *

"_**It started out with a kiss, how did it end up **_

_**like this? It was only a kiss...it was only a kiss"**_

**e.p.o.v **

No. No. No.

She can't leave me. It's just not a fucking option. But changing my hard, impenetrable, bombshell exterior – an impossible feat. Nobody knew the reasons for why I acted the way I did, with the exception of two lone souls; Carlisle and Esme Cullen. My aunt and uncle. Emmett didn't know, and Bella certainly didn't know, nor did she need to. The past was the past, end of story. Apparently not for long. Agreeing to break out of my carefully constructed facade would mean Bella would demand to know everything. And I wasn't all that willing to tell her. But I couldn't lose her. I had done stupid shit in the past to try to keep her away from me because I was no good for her, but I could never stay away. I never did any of the stupid, irrational things because I didn't love her...I did them because I loved her _too much_. I didn't deserve her and I knew that. I was in love with her though. She was the first and only girl I had ever truly loved. And I knew that this time if it ended...it would be for good.

I sat back down on the edge of the desk and thought long and hard about Bella's final ultimatum. This was it. She wasn't going to take anymore of my shit. It's not like I blamed her anyways – I was an asshole. I was the biggest dickhead Forks had ever seen, and I and everyone else in town knew it. But it was just the way I had to be. I couldn't let anyone believe I was weak or would surrender to torment because I was past all of that. So I put up these massive walls that nobody, with the exception of Bella, seemed to be able to penetrate. I mean she hadn't broken through my reserve completely, but she was definitely putting up a fight and trying her damn hardest. I was myself around her, but only when we were alone. In public I still had my facade, but wanted to be with her as best I could so I compromised. And the compromise made me look like a possessive, protective asshole – which I was. I couldn't help it. Bella was mine, she belonged to me, and I to her. But when we were together and shut out from the world I opened up to her like I had never opened up to anyone but Esme before. I never told her anything about my past but I could just happily _be _with her – I couldn't lose this.

"Bella please," I said, sliding off the desk and sinking to the floor. I felt weak at the thought of her not being with me anymore – for good. "You can't leave me. Don't do this please." I felt like a needy, grovelling dirt sack when I begged for her to stay, but didn't give a fuck.

"Edward I can't. Please just agree to this. Come on. I know you can do it. I know you're not this person!" She knelt in front of me and had my face in her hands. "Stop shutting me out of your life. You let me in sometimes but always pull back. Just please. You know you can trust me." I stared at her pained face and wanted to kick myself in the balls.

"I know I can trust you Bella. I just don't know if I can do that. I'm fucked up." Her face fell when I told her this. But she wasn't easily deterred, my girl. This is something she got from me.

"You've told me before. But you aren't a lost cause. I won't give up on you I promise. If you would just open up to me I swear to you I will never leave you. Nothing you've done so far has driven me away. I somehow always find myself wanting you again." I felt my heart beat rapidly in my chest. She would never leave me as long as I opened myself up to her. I contemplated like mad. I wanted to promise her this so bad because she deserved it, but I just...

"Bella you're killing me. I want to. Really I want to give you all this because, well...you deserve it. But I just...I don't know if I can do it." She moved one hand to my hair and stroked it gently and affectionately. Something I normally only let her do when we were alone. I wasn't affectionate in public because I usually lost myself in Bella. I always got so consumed in her that I couldn't _not _be gentle and romantic. And I couldn't be those things in front of other people. I just couldn't. So right now I closed my eyes at the sensation of her fingers running through my hair. And I also felt the heated electricity that always seemed to generate between the two of us.

"Then just please promise me you'll try. We'll go slowly. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. But just please promise me you'll be able to open up to me over time. I can't keep doing this knowing that it's never going to get any better." Her hand rested at the back of my neck and I breathed in deep. Over time, and with help from her, I may be able to open up about my life. If she wanted me to tell her all my fucking problems in one night I wouldn't be able to do it. But if she would allow me to work at my own pace...and tell her things in good time...This might just work. And I _really _wanted this to work. I needed Bella like I needed air. Sometimes my blatant addiction to her sickened me, but I needed it. She was all I'd ever need for the rest of my life. And no matter how many times I tried to stay away from her I just couldn't. Being friends in the beginning didn't even work out for us. I still remembered when I first moved here to live with Carlisle, Esme and Emmett. I remembered the first time when I was fourteen and laid eyes on Bella. It was the end of grade eight and I was just moving to Forks.

Emmett and Bella had been best friends since the fifth grade and they were nearly inseparable. The day I moved in Bella had been hanging out with Emmett, they were playing foosball in the basement and apparently Bella had kicked Emmett's ass. But when I first saw her, although she was only thirteen at the time, I thought she was beautiful. We quickly became friends but I never looked at Bella the way that a friend should have. We hung out nearly every day that summer and I could never get enough of her infectious laugh or her cute smile. Sure I wasn't always the one to make jokes or act funny, it was usually Emmett. Most times we just hung out and watched movies, did homework, went for a walk, or listened to music. I wasn't a hoot to be around but she seemed to enjoy my company. After ninth grade had come and gone and I had seen half of the male population of Forks High throwing themselves in Bella's direction I became...jealous. I was a jealous fiend. But Bella hadn't shown an interest in any one of them. I had realized by the summer of grade nine that I was actually falling in love with Bella...or I was already in love with her.

I still remembered that summer like it was yesterday. Bella and I had been hanging out at my house and we were watching a movie on the couch. My arm was rested on her shoulders and her head was nestled into my side. We always sat close like this; it didn't bother either of us. And she fit beside me like she belonged there, it was just natural. But I remembered this day vividly because it had been the day that we lost our virginity to each other...

"_Wow. That movie sucked," Bella said, peeling her head off my shoulder. She stretched her arms and legs and fell lifelessly onto me. Her face looked up at me from my lap and she smiled. "You don't get to pick movies anymore Edward. You're horrible at it. That wasn't even considered a movie...Ooh scary zombies...Pfft. Give me a break." She grinned widely again and I hit her playfully on the arm._

"_Oh excuse me. I wasn't the one who picked that horrible thriller about the clown. That was a shit one too Bella. We both have our off nights so piss off." I grinned back at her. I bounced my knee up and down to get her off and she lifted her head with a groan. She hit me back on the side of the arm as hard as she could and barely hurt me. "Ha. Was that supposed to hurt?" I asked snidely, like the asshole I was. She glared at me and stomped away into the kitchen. It was almost ten and we usually always got a snack before Esme drove her home. But Esme and Carlisle were out now and wouldn't be home for another hour. So all we had to do was kill some time. Maybe watch another movie. I sunk down into one of the fucking heavenly chairs surrounding the dinner table while Bella found something to eat. She scavenged the pantry, the cupboards and the large stainless steel fridge. She sighed deeply and shut the door. _

"_There's nothing to eat!" She said with conviction as she sat down in the chair next to me. I laughed at her. This house had more food than the fucking grocery store._

"_Oh you're so melodramatic you ditz. Of course there's food. You're just too lazy to make something." She bit her lip...and I was entranced. I noticed, probably for the second or third time since the summer started, the shapely contour of Bella's lips. I had thought I was a moron for looking at my best friend like this. So I always shook off the fact that I knew she was beautiful and sweet and cute and...Sexy. But when I noticed this time I also noticed the way she was looking at me. Her whole body was leaning into mine and her breathing was almost hard – it was forced. The more I stared at her the more I found it hard to breathe myself. What the hell was happening to me? As I continued to examine her every feature I found myself moving closer to her without even thinking about it. I would have felt completely stupid had she not been doing the same exact thing. When her face was inches from mine I could smell her sweet breath and delicious strawberry shampoo that she always used. I subtly inhaled her scent and before I knew it I was kissing her. I had pressed my lips to hers out of impulse and we sat there, I barely fifteen and Bella still fourteen, in an intense lip lock. I pulled away after a minute of the heated closed mouth kiss and looked at her._

"_I'm sorry. I...shouldn't have done that," I told her, shaking my head. I was glad that Emmett wasn't home right now to walk in on our awkward kiss. Well it wasn't so much awkward...well kind of._

"_Why?" She asked, not moving from her position. I knit my brows together. She wasn't mad at me for doing that? "Do you regret kissing me now?" I took her face in between my hands and kissed her again, more roughly this time, to accentuate the reality that I was in fact _not _regretting that I kissed her at all. I was merely apologizing for my behaviour. I thought she wanted this kiss, but I had acted on my own emotions – I felt like I needed to apologize. We kissed for another minute, and I slowly began to open my mouth, wanting this to be deeper. I lightly grazed my tongue along her bottom lip and I felt her breathing catch. Her mouth opened in response and I found that her tongue slipped out to meet mine. It was soft and warm and tasted exactly like she had smelt. I held her face tighter to keep us close together. Our tongues wrestled with each other for a few minutes when I realized that this was fucking monumental. I had never made out with anyone before, and now I was doing it for the first time...with _Bella. _She pulled away after we had been making out for a few minutes and her breathing was hard still._

"_Was that a mistake too?" She asked cutely. My eyes were hooded with lust as I took in the sight of her red, pouted lips. I shook my head._

"_Not if you don't want it to be," I said to her. I knew that I had really strong feelings for her, more than a mere friend should have. But I didn't know how she felt about me. From the looks of this it appears that she has similar feelings._

"_I don't want it to be a mistake." She smiled a cute little nervous smile and captivated all of my attention._

"_It's not Bella. I just didn't know if it was appropriate for me to kiss you like that. It's not that I didn't want to kiss you." Her breathing was growing even heavier now and she lunged at me and kissed me again. I wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her off the chair, setting her down in my lap. Each of her legs rested on either side of my chair and I kept both my hands on the small of her back. I dug my fingers into the thin fabric of her shirt, feeling the soft flesh beneath my fingers. She held one hand on the base of my neck and the other hand had made its way into my tousled hair. I kissed her, unashamed that I was doing this to my best friend. We had always had this odd connection ever since we met; the mild electricity I felt always told me that my connection with Bella was stronger than with anyone else. As her small body pressed firmly against my chest I felt myself getting horribly aroused. I could feel the tension in my shorts growing to a nearly unbearable degree as Bella shifted on top of me. I gripped on her back tighter and decided that something needed to be done about it. I hoped she wouldn't get offended at me just taking control of this – maybe she would want it too._

_I slid my hands underneath her shirt and rubbed them all along her soft flesh. Her face pressed against mine harder and I deduced that she liked the feeling. I slid my hands up, exposing more of her back to the kitchen. I kept pulling it up and she was making no move to stop me, so I thought _why the fuck not? _When it was around her tits I stopped, needing her to help me. I pulled my tongue out of her mouth and she immediately grabbed her shirt in her hands and pulled it off, throwing it on the table. She had on a plain white bra, nothing fancy, and her skin was pale with only a hint of sun. We never really spent time outside and the both of us were equally as pale. I took in the sight of her and was turned on even more. Sure Bella's breasts weren't that big, but they were the perfect size to fit her chest, balancing her body perfectly. I kissed the middle of her chest then, hoping to god she wouldn't beat me over the head. She allowed me to continue._

"_Is this okay?" I asked, looking up to her unsure but pleased face. She nodded, her big brown eyes studying my face. I suddenly realized that the kitchen was no place for this. "Want to go to my room?" I then asked. She bit her bottom lip a tiny bit and nodded again. I helped her off me and grabbed her shirt before taking her hand and nearly running through the house. My room was on the third floor of my massive, unnecessary house. I pulled her up the two stories and dashed into my room, closing the door and turning on the light. Bella went over to my bed and nervously sat down on it, moving to the middle. I dropped her shirt to the floor and followed her. I climbed onto the bed and didn't hesitate to take her in my arms and kiss her again. Her arms wrapped firmly around my neck and she began lowering her back to meet the bed. I held myself over top of her so I didn't crush her tiny frame, and slid my tongue in her mouth again, starting to get the hang of it. I felt her hands begin to shake around my neck and she soon lowered them to the hem of my shirt. They were trembling when she began to tug my shirt upwards. I pulled out of the kiss and helped her. _

"_Bella don't do anything you don't want to do," I told her. She was shaking like a leaf. I pulled my shirt off and threw it haphazardly on the floor. She studied my chest, but it's not like she hadn't seen me shirtless before; we had gone swimming together on several occasions. I had just never looked at Bella like _this _while we were swimming – thankfully. _

"_I won't. I'm just nervous," she replied, her shaking subsiding a tiny bit. I was a little nervous too, but I was just so sure of this – of my feelings for her. I couldn't really find it in me to be nervous because being with Bella like this felt right._

"_I'm nervous too," I told her, trying to comfort her. She smiled and reached her face back up to kiss me. I held myself up with one hand as I lightly grazed the side of her body with my other hand. Her skin was so soft and warm, and I didn't know how I ever stood to be around her and not touch her like this. Why had I all of a sudden got the urge to kiss her only now? I realized as I thought back over our relationship that I always found her attractive. She was always doing the same things as Emmett and I – she was one of the guys almost. But she wasn't a tom boy; she was girly and very beautiful. I heard her whimper a tiny bit from underneath me and her fingers pressed into my back. Her hands wrapped around me and held me tightly to her. When I moved my mouth from hers and began dragging it up and down her neck she harshly dug her fingernails into my skin, making me weak. I groaned in pleasure, it was an amazing feeling. Although I had had enough pain in my life thus far I found the mild pain and the intense pleasure to be a satisfying combination._

_I lowered the hand that was around her navel and brought it to the button of her shorts. I swiftly undid it and the zipper too. She never protested or told me to stop. I ceased kissing her neck for a minute and sat up. I gazed into her eyes and she said nothing. She just watched me. Her cheeks were stained red and she looked nervous – she also looked like she didn't want me to stop. So I didn't. I hooked two fingers into either side of her shorts and tugged them down, revealing the simple black boy shorts underneath. She wiggled her ankle free of the shorts and sat up, her fingers twitching nervously on the bed. I sat there, just watching her. She finally worked up her courage and started to undo my pants as well. She got them undone and I slid them off, sending them to the floor. We both sat there, just looking at each other, wondering what the fuck we were doing. Neither of us had ever had sex before...neither of us had even made out with another person before. We were way out of our league experience wise. I decided that it couldn't be that hard. I shifted back over to her and kissed her lightly on the lips again. I felt her smile against me and I smiled too. This just felt _right _somehow._

"_Are we really going to do this?" I asked making sure she was ready. I kissed her again and her arms went back to being around my neck._

"_Yeah," she replied without hesitation, nodding her head against mine. I began breathing heavier as I realized what we were going to do. I nervously reached my hands around her back and tried to unclasp her bra. Needless to say I was unsuccessful. It was like a fucking Rubik's cube. I felt Bella giggle a little as I furrowed my brows, trying to kiss her and unhook her bra at the same time. I finally managed to get it undone after a few seconds of desperately trying and she slid her arms out of the bra, dropping it on the floor. I looked down to her bare chest and my lungs were aching – I definitely wasn't breathing. She was of course was flawless. She had a few freckles here and there but no horrible scars or imperfections. I did have a few faint scars still that would always be there, but most of them weren't very noticeable unless you looked really hard._

"_Stop staring," she said to me, covering her chest with her arms. I pulled them away._

"_Don't cover yourself up. You're gorgeous," I said to her. I had never said that to any girl in my life. But she was...and she deserved to hear it. "It's true." I kissed her on the mouth again and my hands managed to skim up and down her sides, itching to touch her breasts. I subtly lifted my hands to their planned destination and I gently cupped one of her breasts in my hand. It was soft yet firm. She moaned a little bit when I did that. It was the sexiest noise I had ever heard. I kissed her more ravenously, and squeezed the soft flesh in my hand. She made the same noise again, spurring me on even further. I felt her hands leave my neck and brush lightly along the skin of my torso. She dropped them to my boxers, grazing the hem of them with uncertainty. I decided that I would need to initiate everything because she was a nervous wreck right now, so I took my hands away from her body and broke our kiss to slip my boxers easily off and onto the floor. Her eyes were glued to my horribly painful erection and I heard her breathing becoming even heavier if it was possible. I hesitated for a second before sliding my fingers into her underwear, tugging them down as well._

_This was it. We both sat there naked, again looking at each other. I was taking in every curve and line of her body like I had never looked at her before. I really questioned how the fuck I never ever saw her like _this _before. She was stunning. I leaned in to kiss her again and she eased her body into mine, sliding her hand up my knee. It rested near the place I wanted it to be, unmoving. I almost wanted to yell because she was so close, but realized that she had no idea what she was doing. I kept my mouth attached to hers as I moved my hand onto hers. I wrapped it around myself and the contact made me whimper. When her hand was firmly wrapped around me I began moving her hand up and down with mine. I let go after a minute and she continued doing it by herself. My breathing was picking up again now as my tongue kept moving frantically about her mouth. I moved my hand along her thigh as well and realized I didn't know what I was doing either. I grazed her thigh with my fingers and slid them in between her legs uncertainly. I dropped my fingers lower and felt the wetness between Bella's legs. It turned me on even more. I brushed two fingers along her, causing her whole body to respond. She broke the kiss and dropped her head to my chest, breathing heavy. I stroked her a few more times and hoped I was doing everything right._

"_I don't really know what I'm, uh, doing?" I said to her, continuing my movements as she continued hers._

"_Keep doing that. That's good. Am I doing okay?" She asked, her head lifting. She looked me in the eyes as we continued to pleasure each other, unsure of what the fuck we were even doing. I nodded. Had I been doing this with anyone else it probably would have been awkward as hell. But Bella and I were so comfortable around each other that it wasn't at all weird. It actually concerned me how much it didn't bother me. I mean she's my fucking best friend here. Well not anymore..._

"_Yeah, perfect." I kept on going, seeming to be doing well. As I thought more and more about what we were doing I realized that the first time for a girl is supposed to hurt. I didn't want to hurt her. And she would probably bleed; I paid attention in Sex Ed. I stopped my fingers movements after another minute of thought and placed both my hands around her waist. She stopped her hand as well and I pushed her back, laying her down flat. She lied there waiting for me. But we needed to have protection. I knew Emmett had lost his virginity a few months ago to Lauren Mallory and he most definitely had some. I left Bella on my bed and made my way nakedly down the hall to Emmett's room. I searched his drawers and his closet for any sign of a condom and came up empty. I grew frustrated. I searched his drawers one more time before I realized I forgot to check the nightstand. I hurried over and checked it. I sighed in relief when I found them buried at the back. I took one and padded back down the hall to Bella. I closed the door and locked it. I bounded back onto the bed and placed myself back over top of her._

"_You sure you want this?" I asked her, taking her face in my hand. She nodded against it and smiled at me. It was a nervous smile still but she wanted this to happen. "It might hurt," I then warned her. She shook her head._

"_Maybe only a little. I used to go horseback riding as a kid. So I know that I won't bleed," she told me. I was relieved even more. I was glad that she wasn't going to bleed._

"_Okay good. I didn't want to make you bleed." I bent my head to hers and kissed her again. I lowered my body and rested my hips on hers, my erection sliding between her legs. She spread them wider for me and wrapped her arms around my neck yet again. I stopped the kiss after a minute and focussed on opening the wrapper. I slid the lubricated condom out and rolled off of Bella. I slid it onto myself, securing it at the base and rolled back on top of her. I rested between her legs again and wasn't sure what I was doing at all. This felt right, but we both knew that we had no idea what to expect from this. Her arms rested at her side and she was watching me, waiting for me to do something. I kissed her again quickly on the lips before just going for it. It was going to happen either way and prolonging the tension was killing me. But before I made to move Bella reached her hand down and placed my erection where her entrance was. She knew better than I did, because I had no idea._

_I hesitated for a second before I braced both arms on the bed, and slid into her. It was tight, and warm, and wet, and fucking fantastic. I shuddered when I was fully in her. I examined her face and her eyes were shut tight, her hands clenched at her sides._

"_Does it hurt?" I asked, keeping myself buried deep in her. Her eyes opened and they were slightly watering. She nodded._

"_A little. But...keep going," she said, moving one of her clenched fists to my back. She released her stiff fingers from her fist and brushed them along my skin. I pulled out and eased back into her again. I kept going slowly for a few minutes, hoping the pain was going away. She kept her eyes opened now and her mouth was open a tiny bit too, her tongue frequently ran along her bottom lip. After several minutes of the best feeling in the world I began going faster, the pleasure increasing with me. I groaned in satisfaction. Bella made a quiet moaning noise from underneath me and it pushed me to go even faster. I really hoped that I wasn't hurting her because I _really_ didn't want to stop. But her tiny fingers danced along my back and scratched lightly at me as I kept going._

"_Edward," Bella said. I melted when she fucking moaned my name. It sounded so perfect coming off her lips. "Can you...touch me?" She asked, digging her fingernails into my back. I stopped for a minute and slid my fingers in between her legs. She brought her hand down to mine and directed me to wherever it was she needed. She rubbed my fingers along her for a minute before releasing me. I continued circling her with my thumb and she forcefully bit at her bottom lip, digging her fingernails even deeper. I couldn't help myself anymore. I started pounding into her again, keeping up the methodical circling. I felt her shaking not a minute later and her walls clamped down around me, making her even tighter. Her entire body was shaking and she was whimpering and moaning like crazy. It was loud and sexy and I was fucking thankful to whichever charity benefit Carlisle and Esme were at tonight._

"_Okay...you can, uh, stop...now," she managed to sputter through her sounds. I pulled my hand out and braced myself again with both my hands. I sped up even faster; wanting the same release she had just received. She confidently swung her left leg around my hip and I clutched at her thigh, holding it securely to my body. It was this that sent me over the edge. I gripped her thigh with intensity, lifting it higher. I was surprised at how flexible she was, and enjoyed it much more than I ever enjoyed anything. I was now panting and swearing and sweating, and the next minute I finally found my much needed release..._

As Bella began to cry again she snapped me out of my lengthy daze. Remembering our first time together I realized I couldn't let this go. I loved her like I had never loved anyone in my life. And I would try to be there for her as best I could. I would really try. She deserved everything I had. She was an understanding person and I knew that going slow was something we usually did well.

"Bella please stop crying. Please." Her hand was trembling on the back of my neck.

"Why are you such an asshole? Why can't you just do this for me? Does this whole relationship mean nothing to you?" She said, acid leaking into her voice. I deserved it. I probably looked like I didn't even care about her ultimatum right now. I usually didn't show emotion when I was upset or uneasy. I did show emotion when I was pissed off...but other than that I could usually play the perfect marble statue.

"Can you let me talk? Fuck." She frowned a little bit and I wiped my hands under her eyes. She sniffled a tiny bit before she hiccupped. How fucking adorable.

"Fine. Lay it on me. Actually if you can't do this anymore than just leave. I can't stand goodbyes and this one will just be too hard. And I lied before. I don't think I can be friends with you." My stomach dropped at her saying this. I wasn't planning on turning her down but hearing her say we could never be just friends just made me realize that this was it. Not that I wanted it any other way, but I just realized that if this didn't work out I wouldn't have Bella in my life at all.

"I could never be friends with you either," I admitted. "Which is why I've decided...that I'll try? Bella I'll _try. _I'm not promising anything. I want this to work. Because we belong together. I've tried to stay away from you and I can't. I don't have...the strength to stay away from you anymore." She had a look of bewilderment on her face as she knit her brows together. I decided to explain. "Bella all those times I did shit to hurt you I wasn't trying to be a dick. But I knew you deserved someone better. I tried to...sort of stay away from you. I did those things to push you away and show you how horrible I was. But no matter what I did I was a miserable dick. I always found myself crawling back to you. It was never that I didn't love you, believe me. If anything...I probably love you too much for my own good. You deserve so much better Bella. I just wish you would realize that. And at the same time I'm glad that you don't. I know that I can't stay away from you. I need you. I don't want to be away from you."

I stopped talking and she stared at me with a gaping mouth. I usually barely ever said a word to her other than when we were alone. My walls were breaking down and her army was already securing the perimeter. It was only a matter of time before Bella knew everything. And I was surprisingly becoming more and more okay with it. I would just start to freak out when we were actually talking about my fucked up life.

"Edward why are you so fucking stupid? Why would you do that? I was just as miserable all those times. I never once stopped loving you no matter how many times I tried not to. And I'm not going to leave you. As long as you promise to be more open and really try at this. Please. I really just need you to put your whole self into this. We are so good together." She crawled on her knees and mashed her lips to mine, curling her fingers around locks of my hair. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer. Her tongue slipped easily into my mouth and she mildly tasted of coffee. I gently sucked on her tongue and she pushed against my chest, sending my back into the desk. Ever since we had gotten into that fight at the end of the summer before grade ten we were always rough with each other when it came to sex. It made us hotter and I wanted her so much more when I was yelling or rough with her. My back slammed against it hard and I groaned. She pulled my head away from her face and pulled roughly on my hair. Did she want to fuck in the middle of the classroom? Most likely.

"Bella you're just begging me to fuck you right now aren't you?" I asked her, giving her my sex eyes. I figured I would tease her just a little. She smiled and laughed at me. There's my girl.

"Oh am I that transparent? I've been locked in my bedroom for a week. Yes I'm begging you to fuck me you cocky jackass." She pushed my shoulders roughly again and buried her face in my neck. She bit hard on my throat, taking the skin in between her teeth. I was hard as a rock as she continued to be rough with me. I gripped her shoulders and pushed her off. I stood up and grabbed roughly at her wrist, tugging her to her feet. She stumbled slightly. I caught her in my arms and unzipped her jacket. I took mine off as well and they both landed on a nearby desk. I pushed her backwards, against the wall, and she took baby steps back, analyzing my intimidating gaze. I was fucking pleased with her early fall attire. She had a skirt on, and I _liked _skirts. When her back was against the wall I moved my hands to the bottom of her skirt and hoisted it up, until it rested high on her hips. I roughly tugged her underwear off and left them on the floor. She kicked off her ballet flats and I lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around me and brought her fingers to my pants as I pushed her forcefully against the wall.

"I fucking love when you wear skirts," I told her. She smirked at me and said nothing as her fingers went to work.

She undid my pants in record time and they fell to my ankles carelessly. She slid my boxers down and exposed me to the room. I sunk her body down and aligned her with me. I didn't even wait a second before I pounded hard into her, causing her to whine. Unlike the first time we had sex I had no problem now with doing anything to her. She was practically invincible when we were fucking; she liked it when I was rough. Her back slammed repeatedly against the wall and her hands were pulling on my hair forcefully. I bit back a groan because I didn't want to be entirely too loud, and slammed into her harder. She nearly shrieked.

"Oh god," she said, whimpering. Not god sweetheart. Edward. Say it. I kept going harder making her moan louder. Say my fucking name Bella. I sunk my teeth into her neck and sucked hard on it. She began trembling. She was violently shaking a minute later.

"Edward!" She gasped.

"Thank you," I breathed from her neck. I would have been helping her achieve her orgasm by rubbing her sweet spot, but I had to hold her up, lest I drop her again like I had before. I dropped her down a little lower and angled myself so I would rub against her in the right way. She bit her lip when I did this and cried out. A few more hard thrusts and we both came – together. We rarely ever did that, and it was always fucking awesome. I released into her and my legs were feeling extremely weak. I kissed her a minute later; soaking up all the time I had with her now, before I set her gently on the ground and pulled my pants back up. She put her skimpy thong back on and slid back into her shoes before replacing her skirt to its appropriate spot. She smiled at me from the teacher's desk as she picked up her bag and her jacket. We left the room hand in hand and made our way back to the cafeteria. Lunch was still another fifteen minutes and I was absolutely starving. When we approached the table Alice and Jasper were giving Bella and me that look. The one that said 'he's a dick. Leave him'. I scowled at them both. If only they knew why I was the way I was. I mean Emmett didn't know...but he knew that it couldn't be good if I lived with them.

"Hey," Bella said, sitting down in an empty chair. I followed into the seat next to her and everyone was still tense.

"Bella!" The new girl exclaimed. "I have...tri...trigon –" She cut herself off and looked pleadingly to Emmett. He grinned at her and helped her.

"Rose has trigonometry with you Bella," Emmett told her. Bella smiled and gave Rose a high five.

"Trigonometry," Rose said, sounding it out like it was the hardest word in the fucking world to say. She sounded completely foreign, like she was from France – most likely. I had never seen her before. I took in her features and she looked very European, with that signature beauty. She was absolutely gorgeous without a doubt, and so not my type. I glanced back to Bella and realized that my type was short, brown eyes, brown hair, heart-shaped face, beautiful lips, sexy smile, perfectly petit figure, and sexy legs. This was my type – and there was only one person in the world that fit all of these things to a tee for me.

I noticed that Bella shook her head and I darted my eyes to Jasper, who was giving Bella a hard look. I clenched my jaw tight, resisting the urge to punch the son of a bitch in the face. I kept telling myself that he wanted Alice. I ran that thought across my mind so much it made me nauseas. He finally stopped staring at her when he realized I was looking at him. He shot me an apologetic look and returned to talking quietly to Alice. I focussed my attention back on Bella. She was talking to Rose about the school and how she was liking it so far.

"The boys here are really...weird," Rose said; her French accent was still strong. "They all stare at me." Emmett chuckled next to Rose.

"That's because you're beautiful," he said to her. Rose blushed and hit Emmett playfully on the arm. It almost made me laugh because Emmett was acting like a complete moron. Besides Bella, he was the only other person I felt remotely comfortable around. I opened up to him more than most people, but not nearly as much as I did with Bella. I mean I lived with the guy, he was my cousin. I felt my stomach growl and had temporarily forgotten I was starving. I stood up and left the table, going to get food. I heard Bella trailing behind me and she snatched my hand a second later.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going sometimes? Not just walk away." I gripped her hand tighter and nodded. She needed me to change for her and I would. _So from now on tell her where you're going_. That's a simple one. Done.

I bought a poutine and bought Bella one of the fattening sandwiches that tasted like heaven. She always ate junk food and it made me love her even more. She was a mere one hundred and fifteen pounds but sometimes ate as much as me. She was impressive. We made our way back over to the table and sat down in our spots. Jasper never looked over to Bella again and Alice kept glancing over nervously. I shrugged off their behaviour and devoured my food as Bella ate hers just as quickly. I heard Rose and Emmett continuing their flirtatious chatter. He would have her on her back in a matter of hours. Watch out Rose.

"Oh Emmett, leave the poor girl alone. She doesn't need your shit," Bella said to Emmett. He was teasing her and making her blush worse than Bella did sometimes. "Actually I'll make this really simple. Rose do you want to have sex with Emmett?" Everyone but me was taken aback by her question. I laughed next to her. She was so blunt and forward sometimes. It was awesome. Rose blushed furiously and glanced over to Emmett.

"I don't even know him," she said, sounding sad at the question being asked. She probably did want to screw him. Everyone had.

"Sorry Emmett," Bella said with little remorse in her voice. He scowled at her but continued to talk to Rose. Bella ate the rest of her food while mine was already gone. The bell sounded a few minutes later and we all began to disperse. I walked with Bella and Rose to their trigonometry class and kept Bella outside the door longer than necessary. I wouldn't let go of her hands. I really wanted to show her that I was serious about this change thing. So I leant down to her and took in her shocked expression before I kissed her – in front of everyone. It was a simple chaste kiss but she smiled widely at me when I pulled away. I felt accomplished. She was happy with me, finally. And hopefully it would only get better.

"Thank you for doing this for me." She kissed the back of my hand and dropped it. "I'll see you after school. You'll drive me to work?"

"You have to work tonight?" I asked, a throaty groan erupting from me. Bella had gotten a job at Newton's Sporting Goods – and I was not happy. She only got a job there because when she was looking for one Mike had offered and the pay was fairly good. And to be honest there wasn't much place else to work in Forks.

"Yes," she grumbled. She hated working with Mike. And I hated her working with Mike. He was a fucking moron and always tried to get into Bella's pants – again. He was the only other asshole that had ever had the pleasure of being with Bella in the way that I was with her. After we had gone ahead and lost our virginity to each other it proved to be a rather...unfortunate idea. While I enjoyed it and finally realized that my feelings for Bella were deeper than I thought, she felt embarrassed and she acted differently around me. We barely talked about it and she even avoided me for a while and it made me want to scream. I finally told Emmett we had done it after about another month and Emmett was shocked. He literally, for the first time in his life, had nothing to say. I still hung out with her sometimes, and I struggled to be just her friend. I tried so hard not to kiss her, and I tried extra hard not to be too close to her because I knew I would lose it. I remembered that one night she came to me and we finally confessed our feelings...

_My phone vibrated madly on the nightstand. I glanced at the caller ID, contemplating screening the call; until Bella's name popped up. I quickly flipped it open and put it to my ear. It was one in the morning. Something was wrong._

"_Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. Since we had had sex I realized that I did love her. But when she said that she felt embarrassed and weird about that night I realized that she didn't have the same feelings back._

"_I'm at your front door. Can you please come let me in? We need to talk." Her voice was shaky, yet calm. I got up off the bed and kept her on the phone._

"_I'm on my way. Are you okay?" I descended the hardwood steps two at a time and headed for the door._

"_No." Was her blunt answer. I hung up the phone and swung open the front door to find a crying and dishevelled Bella on my porch. She flung herself at me and wrapped her arms around my waist._

"_What is wrong?" I demanded again, worry seeping into my voice. She was most definitely not okay. She pulled away and looked up at me, her eyes were glazed over, and she looked drunk. "Bella are you drunk?" I asked, shocked. She had never really drank before in her life. She nodded sadly at me and kissed the middle of my chest through my shirt._

"_Edward...I – I'm so stupid," she said, hiccupping and crying. I closed the door shut behind her and pulled her towards the staircase. We made our way back to my room and I closed the door. She sat down on my bed like she had only a month before and looked just as nervous as she had been then._

"_Why are you stupid?" I asked her. She wiped the tears away from her face and stared at me._

"_Because I am. I fucked everything up. I'm stupid. Because I mean...you love me right?" She asked. I took a step back and hit my dresser. How the fuck did she know? Oh god. I started to breathe in deeper. She had known this whole time that I really loved her?_

"_You love me Edward," she repeated. I couldn't shake off the shock so I nodded. "See I'm so stupid!" She threaded her fingers in her hair and pulled on it hard, rocking herself back and forth on my bed. I snapped out of my traumatic state and went to her, gently taking her hands away before she made herself bald._

"_Bella. Stop trying to rip your hair out and explain this to me. It's pissing me off. And yes...I'm sorry...I didn't tell you before, but I love you. After what we did...I can't help it." She looked at me with tears in her eyes again and twisted her hand into my shirt._

"_I love you too," she said, biting on her lip hard after she said it. My heart reacted like mad. I found it hard to breathe as I smiled a wide and goofy grin at her. She was the only one who made me feel and act like this – and only when I was around _her. _"But..." I swallowed hard at her 'but'. Did she not want to be with me?_

"_Spit it out," I growled at her. She gulped nervously._

"_I love you. And after we had sex I felt really embarrassed and wasn't sure why you picked me of all people to have sex with you. I figured it was just so you had some sort of experience before you turned into Emmett." I dropped my mouth open at her words. She thought I was using her as my first time?_

"_What the fuck Bella? You really think I'm that much of a low life?" She winced at my words._

"_No! I just...I didn't believe that you actually liked me like that. I mean we were best friends Edward! I didn't know you had stronger feelings for me so I just assumed! And this past month has sucked because we're so awkward around each other. And unfortunately I didn't realize until it was too late that you actually love me. I mean I have always loved you..." I ran my hands angrily through my hair as I realized that all of this could have been avoided if only a few words had been said a month ago. I hated that I couldn't express myself like a normal human being most times. But..._

"_Did you say you didn't realize it until it was too late?" My voice was hard and demanding. "Bella what the fuck do you mean by that?" She laced her fingers together nervously and looked at me with pain etched across her sad little face._

"_I sort of did something really stupid. I went to this party that Lauren Mallory was having. I was getting really frustrated with our stupid awkward dance we were doing and it was making me angry. So I went...with Mike." I tensed at that stupid fucker's name. I fucking hated that guy. He was the one who always hit on Bella the most._

"_And...?" I asked, knowing that it wasn't going to be good._

"_I had sex with him," she confessed in a small voice. I sat there...furious, angry, pissed off, and really fucking hating Mike Newton._

"_Please fucking tell me you're joking right now Bella. Just please. Why the fuck would you do that when you know you love me?" We most definitely weren't a couple, and I hadn't known she loved me, but I fucking loved her. And hearing that she slept with that skeez made me want to murder him._

"_I was upset because I didn't know you loved me back!" She said, tears spilling down her face. "I thought I was just this mistake. The first time. I didn't know you actually felt anything for me. So fucking speak up next time!" She was angry now too. _

"_For fuck's sake Bella! Why didn't you say anything to me either! I mean...now look. You've gone and fucked Mike Newton. I hope you're fucking happy." I was staring her hard in the face. She was staring just as hard back._

"_He's disgusting," she said, easing herself away from me. "I realized after all three minutes of it that the way he was with me was nowhere near the way you were with me." She was still yelling. "You're gentle, and he was a pig!" Her tears were still gently flowing but she wasn't sobbing. "That's how I realized that you actually love me. And now I've gone and fucked it all up."_

"_I could have fucking told you that Mike was a pig. You're so stupid sometimes Bella! If Mike Newton ever touches you again I swear to god...I will not be held responsible for my actions." She smirked a tiny bit, but still continued to cry. I was pissed that the girl I loved had fucked someone else. But we _had _been rather tense around each other lately and both of us were too chicken shit to say how we really felt for each other. But now it was out in the open. She loved me and I loved her. And she was fucking mine now._

"_Don't you ever touch any other guy again Bella. If it's not me I will kill whoever else it is," I said, my possessive nature shining through. She wiped under her eyes and the tears went away. She crawled over to my side and just sat there, staring at me._

"_You're not mad at me?" She asked. I scoffed at her._

"_Yes I'm fucking mad!" I yelled. "You just went ahead and screwed some other guy. What if I had fucked some other girl?" I asked, throwing the situation back in her face. She just stared at me, pain crossing her face again._

"_I'd have died if you had touched another girl like that," she said, her tone lifeless. My blood was boiling and my heart was racing from the yelling. It was turning me on a little. I grabbed her firmly by the waist and pulled her to me. She hiccupped again._

"_I've never wanted to be with anyone like I've wanted to be with you Bella. So now it's you and me. Okay? No Mike fucking Newton...who I'm going to kill by the way." She nodded at me. _

"_Just you and me."_

Of course after that we had done exactly what we had done before and it was better than the last time. From then on it's history. We had our break-ups because I realized that Bella deserved more from me...things I couldn't give her. She wanted me to talk about my childhood and where I was from. I always ended up yelling at her or getting angry because I couldn't talk about that. And I also realized she didn't deserve the way I treated her. But no matter how many times I tried to keep away, my love for her had me crawling back. I begged her to take me back so many times.

"Okay, see you after," I told her. She turned around and went into the classroom leaving me to my own stunned silence. I walked away from Bella, going over what I had just done. Unless we were at parties with our friends or alone I never kissed Bella. In public it was just too much for me. I was so completely insecure that it made me sick. I had very little assurance of anything in my life before I had moved in with my aunt and uncle, and it took every bit of my being to even allow Bella entrance to my life. I had been horribly damaged and broken when I first came to live with Esme and Carlisle. While I had grown infinitely stronger and tougher since then, I still felt all the insecurities underneath. My weak spot is what made it possible for Bella to see the real me. And with help from her I could possibly even start to function like a normal human being and have a normal relationship with my girlfriend.

I left Bella's trig class and made my way to my calculus class. Today was a good day for me. I was making progress. But I knew that this next chapter in my life was going to be a tough one. Bella wanted to know things about me – things I wasn't able to tell anyone. I hadn't told Carlisle and Esme because they already knew. But Bella...I wondered what she would think of me. I entered my calc class and sat near the back, far away from Stanley. She kept making eyes at me, trying to get my attention, but I just stared at the front of the classroom, ignoring her. She eventually came over to me and sat at the desk next to me.

"Hey Edward," she said. I finally turned to her with reluctance and kept my lips pursed. She clearly thought that she meant something to me. I regretted making out with her more than I had regretted anything in my life. It caused a huge rift between Bella and I, and it left a horrible dirty taste in my mouth.

"Hey," I replied coldly. She apparently didn't notice that she wasn't wanted and continued to talk to me.

"So...that party was good eh?" As I examined her face I noticed that she wore too much fucking make-up. Her eyes were painted in black, and her cheeks were as red as tomatoes – she looked like a doll.

"Actually it fucking sucked. Their parties get worse and worse every year," I remarked. I was a dickhead. But I smirked at myself. I was never really nice to anyone but my friends. And most times I was a dick to them too – especially that fucking Jasper.

"Oh...well...I enjoyed it. I thought maybe you would have too. I mean you and Bella...you're not together right?" Jessica's voice had hope. Like I would actually go after her if I wasn't with Bella anyways. I cocked an eyebrow.

"No. I didn't enjoy the party. And yes, we are together." Jessica exhaled sharply at my words. I returned my gaze to the teacher as he began to speak. Jessica still sat next to me but kept her silence. She wouldn't win this. I hadn't enjoyed a minute of her tongue in my mouth. She tasted like a trailer park, and looked like one too. The class never seemed to end as the nasal, boring teacher droned on about calculus and how awesome it was. I don't know why I even took it. I was smart...but didn't really have any ambitions to go to college. Bella and I were alike in this respect. We both didn't know what we wanted to do after high school. I had always suggested moving to Seattle and living together. But she had always found this a surreal dream as we were constantly breaking up and getting back together. I _would _change this. I needed to.

The bell finally rang, telling me I only had one more class to go before I would be able to see Bella. I rushed past Jessica, not wanting to say anything more to her. She had to know that I didn't want anything from her. If she didn't...then she needed a reality check. I made my way through the busy halls, not wanting to go to my Business class. Business was a joke last year, and it would most likely be a joke this year too. I scanned the sea of students on my way in hopes of seeing Bella, but I knew I wouldn't find her. She had gym last hour, and was probably already getting changed. I walked in a daze as I fantasized about Bella undressing. Those skimpy, red underwear she had on were more than sexy. Over the years we had gotten even more comfortable with each other. Bella owned several sets of sexy lingerie that proved to be the biggest turn on. The one thing that wasn't completely fucked up about our relationship was our sex life. Well maybe the only thing wrong with it was the fact that I used my degenerate inherited traits to turn her on. Apparently being rough is something that runs in the family. But either way she liked when I was rough and commanding. At the party I had taken that a stroke too far.

How did it end up like this? I had actually _hurt _her. I hadn't thought I was being that rough at the time, and when she said I was hurting her it didn't even register in my mind. It was like my body was detached from me. An out of body experience almost. It was like I was watching myself do that to her...but couldn't stop it. I would never forgive myself for hurting her like I had. It was unacceptable and something that I vowed never to do. I had been hurt too much in the past by someone I loved to inflict pain on anyone that I actually cared about. I wouldn't become that person. I spent my entire high school life trying to build myself up to be something more than that, and with one fight it had crumbled to dust. I had hurt the one person I loved more than life itself. But Bella seemed to forgive me and assured me that I wasn't myself.

She was wrong. I was more myself than ever.

It ran in my blood.

**

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**

**A/N:** Let me know your thoughts! I love to hear what people think about the story.

And the song quoted at the beginning, for those who don't recognize it, is from Mr. Brightside by the Killers. Awesome song : )


	3. In Time

**A/N: **Good god. Okay, so here it is. Chapter three. Sorry for the delay. Work is a pain in the ass. To those who read LFK, it will be up soon. Either tonight or tomorrow. I've been working like crazy trying to do everything. Also, I am currently looking for someone to Beta this story for me. I didn't have one for my last story and hopefully it didn't suffer because of it. If you are interested please send me a message and let me know.

Enjoy!

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"_**Every word, every thought, every sound,**_

_**Every touch, every smile, every frown,**_

_**All the pain we've endured until now,**_

_**All the hope that I'd lost you have found"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I picked myself up off the gym floor for the sixteenth time since I started playing volleyball. It was such a stupid sport. All you did was hit a damn ball back and forth over a net, which is completely pointless if you ask me. When I finally stood I was hit in the head with another ball...for the third time...by Jessica fucking Stanley. I would fucking rip that bitch apart. She was clearly pissed off that she didn't have a shot with Edward. I tried to ignore her as best I could and just focussed on playing the game.

"Oops, sorry Bella," Jessica yelled to me in her annoying, girly voice. I narrowed my eyes in front of me and hit the volleyball back over the net. So much had already happened today, and I didn't need her shit adding to it. But today had proved to be a better day than I thought. After I had vehemently refused to talk to Edward this past week I wasn't sure how he'd act. But he had agreed to try to work on this. I knew he'd want to. What we had was too good to mess up, even if we broke up frequently. Which all made so much more sense now too? I couldn't believe he purposely pushed me away all those times because he thought I deserved better. He didn't catch on after the second break-up that we couldn't stay away from each other? He just _had _to go and make out with the skank who was rapidly pissing me off more and more as the hour wore on. But I suppose now our relationship was more even. I had slept with someone else while I loved him and he had only made out with someone. He deserved a break because I knew that he didn't have the easiest life. He never talked about it...but it couldn't be good if he didn't even want to speak about it.

I just hoped that he would be able to eventually. Maybe if we just took it in stride, only talking a little bit at first. I desperately hoped that this idea would work. Because if not...I was out of options. It was down to the wire for us. I had had enough of all of his shit for the past two years. He just needed to change and get his act together if he wanted to keep me around. I knew that I was the only person he could actually open up to. I was his only hope, and I really wanted him to be able to confess to me because I had a right to know. I knew it had something to do with his childhood, about where he was from. It was always when I asked questions about this that he tended to snap and go ballistic on me. But we were going to try.

I volleyed the ball back to another girl on my team and watched Jessica sneer at me from the other side of the court. Seriously...she needed help. She was too skinny, and had horribly dyed brown hair, and wore too much make-up. It looked like she painted it on. Like Edward would ever want her? He had seriously bad judgment when he was drunk. I watched the ball go to Angela, then to Lauren, and then to Jessica, right before she spiked it over the net into my face. It hit the side of my head, directly above my right eye. I fell back, onto the ground, and landed with a hard thud. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. She fucking did that on purpose, that bitch. I sat up and connected my eyes with Jessica's. She was laughing hysterically, clutching her side. Lauren laughed with her while Angela wore a look of concern. She was always a really sweet girl...unlike the two bitches who flanked her.

"Swan!" Coach yelled. I swivelled my head and turned to him. "You okay?" I felt the side of my face and felt a slight amount of tension on my skin. It would probably bruise.

"Yeah," I replied. I stood up and resumed my position. I wouldn't let her get to me. I needed to take the high road, no matter how much she was pissing me off. In the end I was the one who was with Edward, not her. She hated me for it; I had everything she wanted and more.

"You okay Swan?" Jessica asked in an unsympathetic tone. She stared at me through the net with that bitch look. I did the whole 'in through the nose, out through the mouth' thing to stop myself from lunging at her through the mesh.

"Fantastic," I told her with a smile. I smirked like a bitch while she scowled at me. I endured Jessica's taunting for the rest of the game, only falling a few more times. I thankfully didn't get hit in the head anymore because I thought another hit would give me a concussion.

I made my way into the change room, sweating like a pig. I quickly undressed, laying on the deodorant, before I put my other clothes back on. I tried to ignore Jessica, but she kept ranting on and on about the party. Then...she started talking about Edward. I tensed when she said his name. I tried desperately not to eavesdrop, but she was talking so fucking loud. Most likely on purpose too. I stuffed my clothes in my bag and straightened my skirt. I pulled my hair back into a pony tail again, before making my way to the door. I couldn't help but hear Jessica talking about Edward's hands before I left. I shuddered. But she was right...his hands were amazing. Too bad for her they were mine.

I trudged to my locker, dreading the fact that I had to work tonight. I guess I was hanging out with that moron after all. He made sure that he had pretty much every shift with me just so he could hit on me. Good god. When would these people get the hint that Edward and I are _together. _I shook my head and continued to my locker. When I got there Edward was leaning up against it. I had the same locker as last year, and the year before. He smiled at me a tiny bit before unhitching from the cold metal.

"Hey," he said. He bent down and kissed me sweetly again, making the butterflies in my stomach roll around like crazy. It was so different and exhilarating having him kiss me in public. I was so proud of him for actually trying. It showed me how much he really wanted to work at this.

"Hey," I replied. His face turned hard a second later.

"Bella what happened to your head?" He asked, tracing a finger along my temple above my right eye. I growled a little.

"Jessica Stanley was born and eighteen years later she spiked a volleyball into the side of my head," I said angrily. Edward's jaw was tight as he continued to stroke my skin.

"What a bitch," he said. I nodded, smirking at him. I opened my locker and grabbed a few books that I had put in there before going to gym. I stuffed them in my book bag as Edward took up my hand.

"Hey Bella," I heard Jessica's voice say. I shot my eyes to Edward's before turning around to face her. She had Lauren flanking her, looking as slutty as ever. "Hey Edward," they both purred at him. Edward just gripped my hand tighter and pulled me to his side. Jessica's eyes darted to our touching bodies. She was so jealous it made me laugh.

"What do you want Jessica?" I sneered. She placed a dirty hand on her hip and smiled.

"Just wanted to see how the old head is doing? I hope I didn't cause any damage." She looked so proud of herself as she stood there, being all bitchy. I grinned. I could be a bitch back. I lifted mine and Edward's entwined hands up to my lips and kissed the back of his hand with affection. I looked at her to gage her reaction as I placed a few more kisses on his wrist.

"Mmm. No," I said, taking my lips off his skin. "No damage. Thankfully my head is used to it. You know...Edward's headboard is pretty hard." I winked at her before she shut her damn mouth. "Thanks for your concern though." I tried to keep a straight face as I spun on my heel, dragging Edward with me. I couldn't help but burst into laughter as I rounded the corner out of Jessica's sight. _I told her_.

"Bella. I fucking love you. That was awesome," Edward said to me. He laughed now too. I felt so carefree just standing there with him, laughing. We were acting like a normal couple. It made me happy.

"Well she deserved it. She thinks she's amazing. She can stand to be taken down a peg or two," I replied. As we continued walking away from Jessica Edward had his shields up again. Not laughing or smiling anymore. Just holding my hand, and eyeing anyone who looked at me. We were at his brand new Volvo a few minutes later. Esme and Carlisle had agreed to buy him one as long as his grades from last year were past a certain point. Since he was smart he pulled it off easily. They had bought him the Volvo at the beginning of the summer. It was his baby, he loved it. He let my hand go as I walked around to the passenger door. I got in the car and listened to him rev the engine. We smirked at each other a little before he peeled out of the parking lot.

He sped the entire way to Newton's Sporting Goods. I wasn't sure why. I know he didn't want me to be early to work. If anything he would probably want me to be late. He hated Mike Newton with a passion. I remember after I told him about my horrible mistake that Edward said Newton was dead. And he wasn't kidding. After that night Edward kicked Mike's ass. He broke his nose, gave him a black eye, and I'm pretty sure he did permanent damage to his kidneys. Since Mike had hit Edward back more than a few times he never pressed charges against him because he knew that he would most likely get in trouble too. Besides...Mike was too much of a pussy. He would probably cry if he had to spend the night in jail. But Edward's reputation of being a short-tempered asshole really put off my dad – who was unfortunately the chief of police in our small assed joke of a town. He _hated _Edward, and he didn't hide it either. My rocky, unstable relationship with my dad was one of the many reasons why I was never home.

Some nights I would sleep over at Edward's house. Esme and Carlisle are actually two of the coolest people I'd ever met. They loved me. I had been best friends with both of their boys forever. They treated me like a daughter, and they didn't really care if Edward and I spent time alone in his room. They knew I stayed over, and could really care a less about it. So the majority of my time was not spent with my dysfunctional family. Charlie was an asshole, criticizing my every decision, and my mom was anal and shrill. Home was not a place I liked to be, and Edward knew this. When he had come to my house last week and pounded on my door I could hear my dad fucking flipping on him to leave. Eventually he did because Charlie threatened to have him arrested. That was actually the only time in my life I was thankful that Charlie didn't like Edward.

"So...what are you thinking about?" Edward asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. He never asked me things like that.

"Um," I said, trying to be truthful. "Thinking about how much I don't want to go to work, and how much I don't want to go home after." He smirked at me, and pulled into the parking lot of the store. "What are you thinking about?"

I wasn't entirely sure he was going to answer me because I had never asked him something like that before. Other than talking about how much he loved me he never really talked about his feelings. He paused for a second before putting the car in park. He turned to me and gave me a loving smile.

"I'm thinking about you," he told me sweetly. I felt my cheeks grow instantly hot for some ridiculous reason. He brushed his fingers along my coloured skin. "I haven't made you blush in so long," he said to me. I affectionately rubbed his hand that was on my face.

"I haven't had a reason to," I said sadly. "You haven't been around much lately." His eyes were sad and his jaw was hard. I just wanted to reach out and massage his face to make it soft again.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "About everything Bella. I don't even deserve another chance." I just stared into his eyes, trying to keep emotion from my face. "Most girls would have said 'to hell with it' by now."

"You probably don't," I admitted. With all the shit he's done, despite the motives, he most likely didn't deserve another chance. But I wanted this too much to give up without a fight. "But I'm not like other girls." I smiled a tiny bit when he grinned. He leant over and kissed my cheek gently.

"That's for sure," he said with a wink. "I don't know how many girls would let their boyfriends fuck them in the middle of a classroom." I blushed fiercely again. That is true. But at the time I just felt so...I don't know. There was just something about being in public...the thrill of possibly being caught...it turned me on. I laughed.

"See. I stand out from the rest," I joked. Coinciding with my statement I saw a flash of black out of the corner of my eye. I didn't need to turn to see whose car it was that had just pulled into the parking lot. It was of course my favourite person in the whole world...Mike Newton. What a fucker. Edward's eyes darted out the window behind me, most likely eyeing Mike. Then they narrowed.

"Did he say anything to you today?" Edward asked with a taught jaw. I nodded a tiny bit, deciding not to admit to the fact that he was another stroke of my arm away from groping me. Edward would flip shit and kick his ass if he knew that.

"Yes," I said. He tensed and stared out the window behind me again. He muttered something under his breath before undoing his seatbelt and making for the door handle.

"Edward honestly!" I yelled, grabbing his shoulder. His raging eyes met mine. He knew what Mike said to me because it was always the same thing.

"What'd he say, huh?" He asked with anger, his temper flaring. "He wants another go? He misses you?" I bit my lip. "Well he can go fuck himself!" He yelled.

"That's what I told him!" I yelled back. "Edward can you please stop. Look...I have to go." He closed his eyes, most likely trying to push his hatred for Mike aside. I ran my fingers through his hair to try to calm him down even more. Most times it worked because any contact from me usually seemed to calm Edward.

"I'll pick you up at ten?" He asked, eyes still closed. I chuckled a little.

"Unless you want Mike to drive me home," I joked. I instantly regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth. I should have known better than to joke like that. He snapped his eyes open and stared hard at me.

"That's not funny Bella." I bit my lip and averted his gaze.

"I'm sorry," I said in a small voice. "I was just...kidding. Of course you can drive me home." I was intently having this conversation with my lap now. My hands fidgeted nervously on my skirt. I heard him sigh before he gently caressed my face.

"Look...I'm sorry, okay?" I looked up to him and nodded. "I just hate the thought of you even being near him. You know how I feel about him. And I promise I'll try to work on it." I smiled at him before leaning up to kiss him on the lips. I felt him smile against me as he tilted his head and slipped his tongue in my mouth. I pressed mine against his, happy that he was pleased with himself. I had a good feeling about this. Edward pulled away after a minute and kissed me square on the nose.

"I love you," he said. I kissed him back on the nose and grinned.

"I love you too."

I left my book bag in the backseat before getting out. He tore out of the parking lot like lightning, as per usual, as I grudgingly made my way into the store. I saw Mike grinning at me like an idiot from inside. Maybe he did deserve to be punched in the face again after all. I opened the door and quickly made for the back, trying to avoid Mike at any cost. I heard him following me though. I rounded the corner into the back, where I had a designated locker with my customary smock. I lifted the handle and pulled it open, revealing my bright red vest. It had a small logo in the corner that looked like three pine trees grouped together, with the words Newton's Sporting Goods underneath. I had a nametag on the other side, right over my left breast. Perverted old men always stared at my chest, telling me they were just trying to read my nametag. Yeah right...my name's fucking five letters long; like it's hard to read.

"Hey Bella," Mike said to me. I rolled my eyes. "So I guess we're hanging out tonight after all eh?" I shut my locker and slid the smock on my shoulders.

"I suppose," I said coldly, walking past him. "Hey Marcus." He was the sweetest old man I'd ever met. He worked here full time as a janitor just for something to do. He was in every day from noon until six; just mopping and sweeping and cleaning the bathrooms and other stuff.

"Hello dear," he greeted back. I smiled at him before continuing to the front of the store. I usually just worked cash most days and I was usually the only cashier, while Mike was the stock boy. His mother worked around here somewhere, but I rarely ever saw her. I took up my post at the lonely cash register and sat on the stool that I always had there. It got _boring _around here. Some days I would have no customers at all. Mike came in front of my counter and leaned against it, resting on his elbows so he was almost over the counter completely.

"So, what should we do tonight? I think it's going to be pretty boring," Mike said. I just nodded my head, staring absentmindedly at the counter. Mike snapped his fingers in front of my face. I slapped them away.

"I don't know Mike. Go stock or something." He smirked.

"Bella I have nothing to stock. Nobody buys anything." I rolled my eyes and laughed a little. I guess he had a point.

"Well I don't know. Go run up and down the aisles. I don't care what you do," I said to him. He lifted an eyebrow. He leaned in further and dropped his voice down to a near whisper.

"I can think of a few things we could do," he said. I closed my eyes..._breathe in deep Bella...come on_. He was such a pervert.

"Seriously?" I asked, my anger-blazed eyes meeting his. This was going to be a long assed shift if he was going to spend his time trying to coax me into sex. "If you haven't noticed, I'm with Edward." He stood up and crossed his arms with a look of bewilderment etched across his face.

"What? I thought you were single? What about him cheating on you?"

"I forgave him," I said tersely.

"But he cheated on you?" I threw up my hands in frustration.

"So what? I forgave him. End of story." My voice was strained and loud. He was severely testing my patience with his bullshit. He didn't care about me or Edward. He just cared about finding a way to fuck me again. He just stared at me with a perplexed expression.

"He doesn't deserve you." I actually laughed at him.

"And you think you do?" He shrugged.

"More than he does. Bella he's the biggest asshole I've ever met. He treats you like dirt." He _was_ the biggest asshole. But he was so much more. I knew that it was all just some giant facade; a cover. That wasn't really him. Well it was...but there was more to him than he was willing to tell anyone.

"No. You treated me like dirt Mike. You think that was good sex? Ha. Believe me...what you and I did...that wasn't remotely close to anything I want a second round of." He blushed a little bit. Good. I hope he was embarrassed. Because our mistake that he liked to call sex was an embarrassment for him. He wasn't good.

"I'm not talking about the sex Bella...at least I talk to you every now and then." I gasped as he said those words to me. I gripped the counter for support. He noticed that Edward and I didn't talk that much? It was really that obvious?

"Wh – what did you say to me?" I asked, astounded he had the guts to say something like that to me.

"You heard me. At least I talk to you. Edward could care a less about what you think. I pay attention. I know he barely ever says two words to you!" Mike raised his voice as he accused Edward of being inconsiderate.

"You don't know anything!" I yelled, standing up from my stool. I leant my hands on the counter and stared at him with a hard expression. I had mastered this thanks to Edward. "My relationship with him is none of your business! So leave me the fuck alone!" He backed away with a 'suit yourself' type of look on his face. He raised his hands and shook his head.

"Fine. I'll leave you alone. Keep wasting your time with him." He turned around and disappeared into an aisle. I tried to calm my rapid heartbeat. I sat back down on my stool and put my face in my hands. I cried again...for the hundredth time today. I had tried so hard to keep it together. But this just sent me over the edge. What if he was right? What if I was just wasting my time? Edward said he would _try. _That doesn't mean he would be successful by any means. I bit my lip to keep the sob from erupting and let the tears flow freely down my face. I had thought that before I couldn't be any more broken than I had been this morning. But I was wrong. If this didn't work out...if Edward couldn't change for me...I would be broken beyond repair. I couldn't keep him in my life if this didn't work. Being friends wouldn't work for us, and staying like this with him was also not another option. I no longer had a good feeling about this.

**e.p.o.v**

I grabbed my keys off the table in the front hall, ready to finally go get Bella.

"Edward?" Esme called to me. I turned with my hand on the doorknob.

"Yeah Esme?"

"Sweetheart where are you going?" Esme was a short woman, with delicate caramel coloured hair. She was thin, but not too thin, and beautiful. From pictures I knew that she was nearly identical to my mother. It sometimes made me sad to know that I had had such a woman for my mother. But there's no knowing what type of person she was. It's not like I ever got to know her anyways. The only person that remotely embodied any sort of motherly figure for me my entire life was Esme. She and Carlisle had saved my life; I loved her with all my heart. She was one of the very few people I ever opened up to. But she knew everything...unlike Bella.

"I'm just going to get Bella from work," I told her. She came to stop in front of me and softly grazed the side of my face with her hand.

"Is everything going okay with her?" I shrugged.

"As good as it can, I suppose." Esme knew that I hadn't told Bella of my past. I always found it considerably hard just thinking about it, let alone talking about it. After I had come to live here I had already built up my protective walls. I acted like nothing even happened when I came here. But underneath I was suffering. After months of nearly crying myself to sleep I finally got over it. I didn't get over what happened...because I would never get over it. But I got over my nightly ritual. I changed my persona. I became silent and hard and an asshole. It kept me from feeling weak. I was able to control my emotions when I was around other people and when I was alone.

"I wish you would just tell her Edward. I think you need someone close to you to share this with. I think it could be really good for you. Or you could tell Emmett," she suggested. I shook my head. I wasn't about to confide in Emmett before I confided in Bella.

"Esme we talked earlier. And...well...she wants me to change. She wants me to talk about myself more. I mean...what if I can't do it?" Esme's eyes were knowing. Years of wisdom floated behind her soft blue eyes. Eyes like my mothers...eyes that I hadn't inherited.

"I know you can do this Edward. Honey, just give it time. You'll come around when you want. Just know that you'll have to. You can't hide forever, despite how much you want to." I nodded at her. She was right. It wasn't really healthy...what I was doing. I couldn't help it though. It just seemed easier than the alternative.

"Thank you Esme. But I have to go." She smiled and dropped her hand from my face.

"Okay. Bring Bella back. I'd like to see her. I haven't seen that girl in weeks!" Esme smiled widely at me now. She _loved _Bella. I was glad that she liked her. They got along really well.

"Okay. I'll be back soon," I told her with a laugh. I wished I could just be like this around Bella. I felt that I needed to hide myself from her though. I wasn't sure if she would accept the real me. Esme and Carlisle accepted me...they were family. I hadn't done anything wrong in my life necessarily, but my life before this was...not good. To say the very least. I had been a weak, incompetent child, and my life had been degrading as well as painful. It killed me to think about it. So naturally I didn't want to talk about it.

I took off out the door and made my way to my car. My beautiful, brand new car. I got in and tore out of the driveway. I loved to go fast. It was thrilling, and it always made Bella smile. I would do anything to get that girl to smile again. I had done too much shit thus far that had made her cry. I needed to get back on her good side. I wasn't sure that this task was going to be so easy. Sure we were acting like we normally did, but I knew that there was this enormous rift between us. It was the unspoken mystery of my life. It was the mistakes of my past. It was the amount I pulled away from her every time she tried to talk to me. I continued to whiz past the dark, tree lined streets of our tiny town as I made my way to Bella's work; still thinking about all of these things that I had done to her.

I slowed considerably when I turned the corner into the store's parking lot. Bella was sitting on the curb out front of the store, staring at the pavement. Mike was nowhere in sight; something that I was thankful for. I pulled up close to her and she stood up, her arms wrapped around herself. I unlocked the door and she slid in, not saying a word. She shot me a small smile before putting her seatbelt on and staring straight forward again. I left the car in park and shifted towards her. Something seemed wrong. She wasn't being her usual self.

"Hey," I said, taking her hand. She softly rubbed her finger against mine, but still looked forward. "Is something wrong?" She shook her head a little bit. She was a fucking liar. Something was wrong. "How many times have I told you you're a horrible liar?" She laughed humourlessly.

"A hundred," she replied. "I'm fine." I took in her calm but pained face and swallowed hard. It was most likely my fault. If it was something Mike had done to her she would have told me. I ran my fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face as I thought about what I was going to say to her. I knew what she wanted from me. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked her. She turned her face to me, showing me the crease above her brow line. She bit her lip and nodded.

"Do you mean it?" She asked quietly. I leant in and kissed her on the forehead.

"Of course I mean it. Just...give me time. Please." She nodded and eased into the seat. She continued to be quiet but I felt a bit better now. "Hey, spend the night?" She smiled, letting her head fall back against the seat. She closed her eyes and nodded her head while a look of serenity crossed over her face.

"I need to go home first. You know...get clothes...argue with Charlie. Get yelled at by Renee. The usual." I almost grinned. Bella's family was sort of dysfunctional. Charlie hated me with a passion. Renee didn't mind me...but was severely OCD and anal. She didn't like being home much, so she spent most of her time at my place. It had gotten worse over the years though because her parents were fighting with each other a lot more than they used to and it was upsetting Bella.

"Okay. I think it's best if I just wait in the car though. I don't want your dad threatening me with his gun again." She smiled. I put the car in drive and headed to her house. It was a short two minute drive from the store to her house. Everything in this town was close. I pulled into the driveway and saw the blinds from the living room of Bella's house flicker. _Renee. _Bella rolled her eyes and sighed.

"God. Here we go. You know they haven't been bad this past week. But still....they piss me off. And you know they've been fighting so much more lately?" She looked sad as she admitted this. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her to me. I kissed the top of her head with affection.

"I'd fight if I was married to your father too," I joked, trying to lighten her mood. It worked. She giggled a little bit before unbuckling her seatbelt. She kissed me on the lips quickly before leaving the car. I watched as she ran up the stairs and disappeared into her house. As I waited I sat and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. Sometimes she got a lot of shit from her parents for staying at my house. But they couldn't force her to stay home. She could do whatever she wanted.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and turned my head to the house. Bella was emerging with a large bag thrown over her shoulder, most likely filled with clothes and things she would need to stay the night. I saw Charlie appear behind her with a look of anger on his face. I couldn't hear what was being said but Bella was using an obscene amount of hand gestures. Charlie's arms were crossed as Bella yelled at him. He started making hand gestures as well, but Bella turned her back and headed down the stairs. She darted to the back door and I hastily unlocked it. When she opened the door I could hear Charlie yelling at Bella to get back in the house. She disregarded his orders and went to the passenger door, jumping in before Charlie did anything too drastic. She grumbled unhappily as I backed out quickly.

"Every time!" She yelled into the car, throwing her hands up.

"What was his problem? Pulling the whole 'Bella get back here. Get in the house. You're only seventeen.' Blah. Blah. Blah?" She smirked at me and laughed.

"Yeah. Exactly the same as always," she replied. I nodded.

"Esme's dying to see you," I told her to cheer her up. A grin instantly spread across her face.

"Really? Oh god I missed that woman," Bella said, bouncing in her seat. I laughed and turned onto my road as Bella went on about missing my house, and my food, and my bed.

"I'm going to get such a good sleep tonight," she said, closing her eyes.

"Oh yes you are," I said in a suggestive tone.

"Mmm. I mean actual sleep Edward." I frowned a tiny bit.

"Eventually you'll get actual sleep," I said back. She rolled her eyes again. I pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. I was behind Emmett's beast of a Jeep. We both got out and I grabbed Bella's bag for her. I took her hand and pulled her with me as I made my way up the steps. We entered the large, Victorian style house and I was instantly greeted with the delectable smell of cookies.

"Ooh. I think Esme made us cookies," I said with a smile. Home was the place I felt most comfortable. I gripped Bella's hand tighter while we both slid off our shoes. I dropped her bag at the foot of the stairs before we made our way down the hall towards the smell of the cookies. We walked into the memorable kitchen, hand in hand, and saw Esme peeling cookies off a cookie sheet. Emmett....and Rose? They were sitting at the dining room table. Emmett was staring at Rose as she ate a cookie.

"Rose?" Bella said, releasing my hand. Rose turned around, half a cookie in her mouth. She still looked radiant, even with her face stuffed. She smiled at Bella despite the cookie.

"Bella!" She gasped through the cookie. Esme also shrieked Bella's name. Esme was to Bella in seconds, abandoning the cookies. She pulled Bella into a big hug, their tiny frames colliding.

"Esme I missed you!" Bella said with a laugh.

"Oh honey I missed you too. Don't stay away for that long again." Esme replied. Esme released Bella finally after a minute and trailed off to make some more cookies. "Have some cookies you two." I followed Bella over to the table and stood near where Emmett was sitting. He was staring at Rose still, watching her drink some milk. Rose turned to Bella after and started talking to her. I tried to be stealthy about it as I kicked Emmett in the leg. He turned his attention to me. His face was...hard to read. I raised my brows suggestively to ask him if he had fucked Rose yet. Everyone could tell he wanted to. His jaw tightened, and I could have sworn that he growled. He shook his head though. My jaw dropped in shock. Emmett couldn't get a girl? What kind of world was this becoming? I turned my laugh into a cough and Bella looked at me with a knowing expression. My not so stealthy leg kick was apparently obvious to her. She glanced to Emmett quickly before resuming her conversation with Rose. I gestured with my head for Emmett to come talk to me. I could talk to Emmett most times because he talked about things that didn't matter really. He didn't want to know things that Bella wanted to know. He was a guy – and he talked about guy things. Emmett followed me into the living room and dropped with anger onto the couch.

"Emmett are you sick? What the fuck is going on man?" I sat on the coffee table right in front of him. He sat up and put both hands behind his head, blowing out a big puff of air.

"I don't fucking know! She wants to hang out with me...but refuses to be alone with me. She's different from the others though. She's..." He broke off, going on his own little tangent.

"I'm just throwing this out there. But maybe she wants to be friends first. You met her this morning right? You think she's a slut or something? She doesn't look it. But I doubt she's easy to fuck man. She looks like a fucking super model. You're lucky she's even talking to you." Emmett growled again now, not liking my observations because he knew I was right. Emmett was a good looking guy, but Rose was stunning. If he wanted her I was guessing that he was going to have to try.

"You fucking make me angry when you're right Cullen." I laughed – but tried not to think too much about his comment. I wasn't really a Cullen...not really. I was a Cullen now for all intents and purposes, but my true name was Masen. The name my mother had tainted herself with and had unfortunately bestowed on me.

"I know I do," I remarked with a sullen tone. I swallowed my remembrance of my past life. Emmett didn't know it, but he struck a deep chord.

"What have you two come in here to talk about?" Rose suddenly asked from the doorway. Her French accent made it hard to understand her sometimes. Bella was smiling behind her, probably loving that Emmett wasn't getting his way.

"Guy stuff," Emmett grumbled. I kicked him in the leg harder this time. He was a moron. He needed to learn to be her friend and not just fuck her and leave her. He shot me a hard look, but thankfully understood what I meant. We could sometimes have conversations without speaking. It was this guy thing we did.

"So, what do you want to do?" Emmett asked Rose. He stood and went over to her, smiling like an idiot. He was totally hooked on this chick. He had never smiled at a girl that he wasn't screwing like that before. Rose seriously thought about his question, like it was the most important thing for her to answer. Bella scooted around them and came to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I grabbed her shoulders and made to push her away. Her hurt little eyes looked up to me as her fingers rested on either side of my body. _Fuck. _It was...just sort of habit to push her away when I was around people besides my family. I let her shoulders go and dropped my head, feeling like the biggest dick. We were home, and Rose wasn't necessarily a stranger. I was seriously fucked up. Bella dropped her arms lifelessly to her sides. I had that feeling again where I wanted to kick my own balls up into my throat. Why did I always screw things up? Why was I not just _normal? _I threaded my fingers in my hair, wanting to rip it out, before I just grabbed Bella and picked her up, wedding style. She gasped audibly as she rested in my arms. I gave her a smile that was slightly forced before I kissed her on the lips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.

I was giving her all I had right now. Here's to me changing, Bella.

I squeezed the hand that was on her ass, causing her to squeal a tiny bit. Her tongue dug deeper into my mouth and she fisted her hand into my hair, tugging softly on the roots. I bit back a groan and hoisted her up more, so her head was level with mine. At this I stumbled, trying to keep a sense of direction and coherency as my tongue wrestled with hers. Why did this seem like such a bad idea? She was my girlfriend.

"Aw dude, seriously. Your room's upstairs," Emmett yelled at me. My eyes opened while in mid-kiss with Bella and hers opened too. She stared deep into my eyes; her molten chocolate iris's entrancing. I couldn't force myself to look away.

"Upstairs?" I whispered to her against her lips. Hers brushed against mine with a soft intensity as she nodded. "And fuck off man," I added to Emmett. I carried Bella away from Emmett and Rose. I set her down before we ascended the stairs, picking up her bag instead. When we got to my room I closed the door, not locking it. Esme and Carlisle didn't mind us being in here, but no doors were to be locked in their house. I closely followed Bella to my bed after abandoning her bag on the floor. She turned right before she sat and I slammed into her, forcing her onto the bed. She giggled as I mashed my lips to hers. She kissed back with force, parting her lips from mine. She sighed, sending her sweet, chocolate chip smelling breath over my face.

"God, you smell like chocolate chip cookies," I said savagely before devouring her mouth again. She slipped her tongue against mine, giving me the sweet taste of the cookies in my mouth. It was heavenly. I felt her resisting though. She wasn't ravenously taking to my body like she usually did. I struggled with myself in my head, not wanting to go through with this but desperately needing to for her sake. This was going to be hell.

**b.p.o.v**

I felt Edward pull away after a minute. I was upset. Despite trying to be all happy and shit...I just wasn't. I was happy to see Esme and Rose, but really needed to talk to him about all of this. I mean what if we didn't make it? It was always a possibility. It was still bothering me, tainting everything I was doing. And his push away downstairs made things so much worse. I had thought he was doing better today, and he goes and screws up everything by doing that one little thing. It wasn't even a big deal? He kisses me in front of the school but can't hug me in front of Rose? I didn't question it; I would get there in time.

"You want to talk huh?" He asked quietly. He knew I was being reserved. I wasn't giving him all of myself because I wanted to do this. I needed him to talk to me.

"Please," I begged. "I hope you understand where I'm coming from when I ask this of you. I'm not trying to...I don't know...make you a different person. I just want you to be the person you are with no secrets. No hiding. I want you." He nodded silently, closing his eyes. He sat up off of me and climbed fully onto the bed. He lied down, on his side, and faced me. He patted the bed space beside him and gave me a small smile. I lied down next to him, on my side as well, and faced him.

"So..." He said quietly. "How was work?"

"Brutal," I said truthfully. Edward furrowed his brows in concern. "Don't worry. It wasn't Mike. Well...not really. It was just something he said."

"And what did he say?" Edward asked with a tensed jaw.

"He said that you didn't deserve me. And I was wasting my time with you. And that...you never...talk to me." I watched as his face tense even more, pain coating it now.

"And...do you think he's right? Are you wasting your time?" He asked with emotion leaking into his voice. _Thank you! _He actually seems upset at this. I shook my head, but was silently happy that he was showing me that he was upset.

"I don't think I'm wasting my time at all. But it got me thinking. And...I just want to make sure you're going to go through with this." He inched closer to me and placed a warm hand on my cheek.

"Bella I told you I was going to. Just give me time. I need to get used to...everything." I nodded my head against his hand.

"How was your day?" I asked, the words sounding odd coming from my mouth. I never asked him anything like that. I had once, and apparently it was a bad day. He flipped on me that day and took off. I still don't know why, but maybe I'll finally figure it out. Edward softly stroked my cheek before answering.

"Better than I thought it would be. Except for the fact that Jessica Stanley is proving to be a bigger pain in the ass than I thought possible," he said with a head shake. He was right there. She was a fucking thorn in my side.

"You're telling me? I think the bitch almost gave me a concussion," I said, rubbing the back of my head. It didn't hurt, I did it for dramatic effect.

"I owe you a monster apology," he said quietly, his piercing eyes studying my face. I bit my lip and stared back.

"Yeah...I think you do," I replied just as quietly.

"I'll never be able to make it up to you. But I swear I'll try my damn hardest. You mean so much to me it makes me sick. I would never, _ever _want anything to do with Jessica. If you'll let me, I promise to find a way to make you forgive me Bella." I nestled my head into the pillow, trying to hide my huge smile.

"It better be good," I joked. Edward's face was serious as I opened my eyes.

"I'm not joking around here. I'm serious." His green eyes were commanding and convincing. I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Ok...okay," I said. "Okay. Well, I'm still upset about it. About Jessica. But...I can't stay mad at you for it. I guess now were even, huh?" He shook his head forcefully.

"No way missy. You _slept _with someone else. I just made out with her." I sat up, his hand sliding off my face.

"Excuse me? I don't believe we were dating then? I didn't cheat on you," I told him with shock apparent in my voice. He slammed his hand down on the bed.

"Fine. We're even," he said through clenched teeth. I lied back down on the bed, resuming my previous position. He turned back to me after a minute. I thought of another question to ask him, something that wouldn't be too difficult to talk about. I thought about before, when he freaked on me for asking how his day was. I think it was his birthday?

"Um. Okay. You remember on your birthday when I asked how your day was? How come you..." I trailed off, noticing the hard lines forming everywhere on his face. He stared at me with pain and anger and sadness. It was killing me. Something bad had happened that day. "Please tell me." He swallowed hard, all of those emotions still there.

"No. I can't. Not yet," was all he said. I bit on my lip, regretting asking him that question.

"Okay. Well...alright. What about at the party? How come you were so...?" Again, he tensed like crazy. He actually moved away from me.

"Bella..." He said, shaking his head. "This is...so not a good idea." He let out a deep and ragged breath. My heart was going to break if he kept this up.

"Please," I said, my voice rising to a cry. I felt my face getting hot as I became more and more upset. "Edward. Please. Give me something. I mean...what were your parents like? What was Chicago like? Something?" He sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees, resting his head against them.

"Chicago," he said with acid leaking into his voice. "Chicago was dirty. I...didn't like it there." All of his words were...forced. Like he didn't want to be saying them to me. I sat up and scooted over to him, wrapping my hand around his forearm.

"Keep going," I said. His breathing was coming in short rasps, making him look like he was being sent into convulsions. I rubbed his back soothingly, trying to calm him down.

"Um...Okay," he said uncertainly. I sighed ever so slightly as he agreed to continue. "I, uh...liked the fall in Chicago. When the trees changed colour. It was...pretty." I smiled a little as he called the fall pretty.

"Do you like when it's fall in Forks?" I asked. He lifted his head from his knees and looked at me. His face was sombre as he nodded. I brushed my fingers through his hair, hoping this wasn't too much for him, but knowing it was.

"What's your favourite season?" He asked quietly. My chest ached as I realized that in reality...Edward and I hardly knew each other. He was sort of stranger to me. Sure I knew everything about the way he acted and the way he moved. I knew the many different smiles he had and the ways in which he kissed me and held me. But as a person...he was just Edward Cullen. He lived with his aunt, uncle and cousin, for unknown reasons to me. And he never talked about his life. He never talked about things he liked, or disliked. Unless it was something like a movie or music or a book or food. But when it came to things about life...he just got disconnected. He was void of any thought or feeling when it came to that. I was completely cut out from a major part of his life. I swallowed the lump of emotion in my throat.

"Summer," I admitted shyly. I blushed along with my answer. Edward smiled a little.

"Why is that embarrassing?" He asked, returning his legs to the bed. He flattened out, and let his hand rest on my leg.

"Well...this is silly. I mostly like it because that's when I first met you. And because it's the first time that we were...you know. Together." He grinned widely at me.

"Can I change my favourite season?" He asked adorably. I shook my head.

"Nope. You have your reasons for liking the fall. What are they?" He actually seemed to like this question. He wasn't really tense, which made me happy.

"Well first off I like the changing colours. It reminds me that every year brings something new with it. Sort of a rebirth," he said thoughtfully. "It almost gives me some sort of hope that I'll be a different person. I'll change, just like the trees." I rubbed my hand along his forearm, trying to silently tell him that he was doing such a good job. He had never talked to me like this before, even when we were alone. "It never happens though," he said sadly. I took his chin in my hand and turned his face to mine. He looked at me with eyes that were just as sad. I leant in, trying to keep myself from crying, and kissed him.

"I have hope that you will," I told him with a shaky voice when I pulled away.

"Thank you," he whispered to me. "I also like the fall for another reason." He stared me deep in the eyes, brushing my hair from my face. "It's when you were born." I sucked in a breath before one lone tear spilled over my brimming eyes. God he was so sweet when he wanted to be.

"You were born in the summer," I said stupidly. He grinned and kissed me again, wiping my silly tear away with his thumb. "I love you," I said impulsively.

"And I love you," he replied against my mouth.

"So..." I said, not sure what to talk about next. There were millions of things I wanted to know. "This might be the completely wrong question to ask, but what happened to your parents? I mean, how come you came to live here?" He shook his head intensely and pulled away immediately.

"I can't Bella. Not that question." He said with anger and sadness in his voice. "You said you'd give me time and you're already asking me questions about them?" His face was hard and questioning as he stared at me. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. He was right. Of course he was right. I had thought he was doing so well that maybe he would be alright with a question like that. Apparently not; not tonight.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. He muttered something I couldn't hear and stood up.

"I'm tired," he said with his back turned to me. I nodded, even though he couldn't see me, and stood up too. I stretched my arms and legs and fell lifelessly back onto the bed. Edward was now standing beside his dresser changing. He pulled his shirt over his head and I trailed my eyes over the muscular sculpted plains of his back. I drew a line with my eyes up his spine and across his shoulders. They rested on the spot on his back where his right armpit was – he had a small scar. I realized that I had noticed it before, but I had never given it much thought. My gaze was broken from his scar when he bent down. He pulled his plaid pyjama bottoms over his adorable bare bottom and tied the drawstring closed. I averted my eyes from him as he turned around.

"I'm going to bed," he said to me, fidgeting with his fingers. He walked over to his black leather couch and sat down. I bit my lip, forcing myself to stay calm. He pulled the large blanket that had been draped over the couch onto himself and wrapped it around his body. The deep pang in my chest ached as I got up off his bed and walked over to my bag. I opened it and took out my old, tattered shorts and a Strokes T-shirt that belonged to Edward. I had claimed it as my own a few years ago and he had given it willingly, telling me he liked it when I wore his clothes. I pulled my shirt over my head and replaced it with Edward's shirt. I then took off my skirt and replaced that with my ratty old shorts. I stuffed my clothes in my bag, flicked off the light, and made my way blindly back to the bed. When I got there I crawled onto it, breathing heavier because I was more than upset at the events of this evening. Edward _always _slept on his couch when he was mad at me or when we were fighting. Since we weren't really fighting per se I knew he was definitely mad at me for asking him such questions.

I pulled the Edward smelling comforter up to my chin and nestled against it. My head sunk deeper into the pillow as I began to cry, again. I wasn't positive, but this seemed like it was going to be a ritual for me. I had cried more today than I had ever cried in my life. I wiped the stupid tears away, knowing that Edward could hear me. I didn't want to seem like a pathetic girlfriend, crying because I had been an idiot. I should have known not to ask him those things; I knew that was the source of the problem whether he had told me or not. So of course the first thing I do is ramble on about his parents. I sniffled loudly and dried my face again. I needed to apologize, I felt so stupid. I rolled onto my back and went to sit up, but was greeted suddenly with Edward's warm hands on my arm. I wasn't expecting him, so I jumped, causing me to sit up quickly. I hit my head on his headboard.

"Ouch," I said, rubbing the back of my head.

"Shit, sorry," he said, feeling my face with his fingers. He stroked his slender fingers across my cheek, feeling the wetness that was there. "Sorry," he repeated. This time I knew he wasn't apologizing for scaring me half to death. He was apologizing for before, for going to the couch.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "_I'm _sorry. I'm so stupid." I felt him lean in as his fingers traced along my bottom lip. He kissed it gently, slightly missing his target, and pulled away.

"Then that makes two of us," he replied quietly. I laughed a tiny bit as he lifted the covers and joined me underneath, immediately taking me in his arms. I relaxed considerably, knowing that this was going to take its toll on the both of us. We just needed to take it in stride; something that I hadn't done. I admitted to myself that this was my fault.

I moved too fast too soon; _way_ too soon.

* * *

**A/N:** Let me know what you think!

The song quoted at the beginning is Surrender by Billy Talent.


	4. Hot and Cold

**A/N: **Alright folks! Chapter four, what an accomplishment. Haha, anyways, so sorry it took me this long. I really try hard to get them up as soon as possible, but I don't want my writing to suffer if I don't edit as much as I normally do. To those reading LFK...it's coming. Slowly but surely. I'm wrapping it up so it's not as high a priority as this one that's spilling from my crazy brain. But it's coming, I promise!

Hope you've all been patient!

So...enjoy!

* * *

"_**And I'll take my chances**_

_**While you take your time with this game you play**_

_**But I can't control your soul; you need to let me know**_

_**You leaving or you gonna stay?"**_

**e.p.o.v**

I awoke the next morning to the customary Forks pitter-patter of rain on my window. The sliver of sky I could see from my spot on the bed was dark and gray; much like my mood had been the night before. I was still immensely unhappy with my display the previous night, but knew I couldn't do anything to change it, no matter how stupid I may have been. I wasn't even mad at _her, _I had been mad at myself; for being emotionally scarred, for being an over-reactor, for being a moron. I tried to shake off my feelings from last night and just held Bella tightly to me, listening to the faint plinking noise the rain made when it came in contact with the house. Overriding the rain though was the sound of her noises...her deep, rhythmic breaths and her quiet mumbling. Bella always had a habit of mumbling or sometimes full out talking in her sleep. I found it endearing and most times highly amusing. One time she started listing off the names of the characters from Shakespeare's King Lear; and boy had I got a kick out of that.

I rolled over after listening to Bella mumble on about pencils and checked the clock, it was only five thirty. Most days I was usually up early due to my obnoxious internal alarm clock that had set itself years ago. When I first came to live here I frequently scared myself awake at ungodly hours from nightmares; but since I stopped crying myself to sleep at nights I rarely ever had them. My body was just used to being awake at this time of the day, and no matter how late I went to bed, this is the time I would wake up. Most days when I woke up with Bella I appreciated the time to just be myself with her. She was asleep and couldn't fully value the time that I held so precious because her being awake ruined it all. When she was asleep and in my arms I just felt normal. I was at my most peaceful, and if I was being honest with myself I was unarmed. I wasn't guarded or trying to hide anything, I was just me. I was the geeky, scrawny Edward Masen that came to live with his cousin four years ago. I was the kid that sniffed glue in grade school and the one that may have – once or twice – eaten some glitter in kindergarten.

But all that changed when Bella was awake, when I was out of this room and this house. Outside of it all I was Edward Cullen; jackass, dipshit, troublemaker and asshole extraordinaire. I had no scrawny kid inside of me, I most certainly wasn't geeky; I was tough. I needed to be. I wished, for the fucking life of me, that I could just tell this all to Bella. Why couldn't she read my mind and spare me all of the times I will most certainly cry and swear and yell and freak out? We would both be saved serious time and feelings if she could just reach into my mind and extract all the things she wanted to know. I would let her willingly; I would give that girl the world if she asked for it. But since some unholy bastard decided to fuck with my rights to a decent life I was stuck with the shortest end of the straw. I couldn't bear my feelings to Bella about my past, no matter how damn hard I wanted to.

I had talked about Chicago, and that had been nearly disastrous. I hated Chicago. The name itself was like a poison, sinking into my skin and tainting everything I did with disdain and anger. But...she wanted to know. _She_ _deserved to know Edward._ Yes, she did deserve to know; she deserved a whole lot more from me too. Things that I...unfortunately couldn't give her. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to give her what she really wanted. Esme and Bella seemed to have some affirmed faith in whatever it is they think I'm doing, but I'm blind to whatever they see. All I can envision is failure. From what I agreed to yesterday, when I told my devoted, somehow still-with-me girlfriend that I would be there for her, I imagined that failure this time was not something of an option on Bella's list. She wanted answers and comfort and smiles and kisses and hugs and other loving boyfriend things from me. Hell, not just that, she wanted me to merely talk to her every now and then. Not just casual, light conversation, she wanted in-depth real conversations about life and love and loss. She had no idea how badly I wanted to rip my own heart out so it could spill my guts for me; something I wished was suddenly humanly possible. What were the chances that my heart could physically leap out of my chest and reveal to Bella all of my secrets?

I thought so too...my chances aren't looking so good.

"Mom..."Bella whispered almost inaudibly.

My head gently tipped to the side, back towards Bella, as she began a new rant about her mother. Only this time it was different from the other times she talked in her sleep. Her voice was thick with emotion, like she was crying, as she continued to sob the word 'mom' more and more frequently. The arm that was securely draped across her abdomen began heaving in time with her ever increasing breaths as she continually rambled on about 'mom' and 'Renee' and...underwear? I would have been amused about the fact that she began rambling on about underwear, but her voice was still antagonized, concerning me to hell. I couldn't stand seeing her pained this way, which was ironic in too many ways for me to even count. I lifted the small bit of fabric that sheltered Bella's skin from my touch and pressed my palm flat against her stomach. As I began rubbing small circles around her navel I softly kissed the side of her head, finally causing her to stir.

"Morning," I whispered. Her staggered breathing was quickly returning to normal as she very rarely ever remembered a thing she sleep-talked about.

"Mmm, hey," she said sweetly, turning her body in my arms. Her adorably sleepy brown eyes met mine as she yawned. "What time is it?"

"Nearly six," I replied, watching her as she scrambled around in the sheets to free her arms from them. She wound her arm around my waist when she found her way out and pulled herself closer to me, letting the sheets tangle us together.

"How long have you been up?" She asked me from my chest.

"Uh, since five thirty," I said with annoyance. While I had always had my internal alarm clock set, it would have been nice to catch a few more hours here and there.

"Why so early?" She asked, nuzzling into my chest. "Nightmare?" Her tone was almost mocking as she asked me if I had a nightmare. I, however, found it remarkably devoid of any humour whatsoever. She had no idea what the hell I'd been through or whether or not I had nightmares. She had no right to joke about something like that.

"No I didn't have a nightmare," I snapped furiously, shrugging out of her arms. Her tiny brows knit together in confusion as she shook her head and rolled over, away from me. I pursed my lips and cursed myself repeatedly, getting off the bed. I grabbed the plain white towel hanging on its hook on the back of the door and trudged off into the bathroom that was conveniently adjoined to my room. I threw my towel at the mirror, hoping by some divine miracle that it turned into something hard and heavy for the fraction of a second it left my hand. Sadly though, towels do not break mirrors, and my pent-up anger and frustration was still darkly swirling around inside my head and chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I quickly turned on the shower, setting the temperature to a scalding degree, and let the steam fill my ridiculously sized bathroom. I dropped to my knees, letting the cold marble numb the feelings aching inside of me. I felt dangerously on the verge of tears, which was something I was not particularly proud to admit to myself. I hadn't cried in years; I had come close, but had never succumbed to the threatening, salty familiarity that I had once been so used to. It was the times that I was apart from Bella; the times I had run away, or pushed her away, or lied my ass off so many times that she ended up pushing _me _away.

Accompanied by a few short raps on the door, I heard Bella's voice from the other side of the wood, snapping me out of my painful daze. She was a lifesaver. I clutched my hand to my bare chest and willed my breathing to return to a normal pace. I sat my ass down on the chilled floor as Bella boldly opened the door. My eyes unwillingly met hers as I sat in the middle of the room, surrounded by a cloud of steam. She stood in the doorway biting her lip and fidgeting with her fingers. When we were alone, like this, she was a sweetheart. She was kind and amazing and gentle and adorable. In public, however, Bella could be the biggest form of bitch known to man. I could throw any witty remark her way and she could reply with an equally witty or crude remark back. But when she was alone with me, I found she could rarely find it in herself to be a bitch to me. Sure when we fought she could hurl her fair share of profanities at me, but only when we fought. Around me she was honest and unsuspecting, and sometimes even shy. As she stood before me anxiously biting on her lip I found the guilt inside of me deepen even more.

"Bella..." I said apologetically, feeling the remorse at my actions before. She came into the bathroom and crouched down before me, raking her fingers through my unevenly splayed hair.

"I'm sorry," she replied, sounding sincerely apologetic. She had no clue why she was sorry, but the fact that she was made me want to cry. Why was I so emotionally charged at six in the morning?

"For what?" I replied in a thick voice. She emitted the smallest chuckle as she shrugged her arms.

"Not too sure really. Just...sorry. About the nightmare thing. I guess I was out of line or something," she said with another shrug.

"Yeah...you kind of were," I admitted. "I...used to have them." I swallowed hard as I actually told her..._actually told her _I used to have nightmares. "Nightmares I mean." Her eyes went wide with realization, but she only nodded, most likely not wanting to press the matter any further. I would tell her when I wanted to, she knew that. "I'm sorry. It's way too early for me to be such a dick. You didn't know." I hung my head as I said this, but Bella's hands were immediately lifting my face, forcing my eyes to meet her gaze.

"None of that," she said in a stern voice for six in the morning. "Misunderstanding. Now get in the shower before you use up all the hot water Princess." She playfully tapped my cheek a few times before smirking. Despite the small smile, I still felt the painful searing in my chest as I rose to my feet, watching Bella's retreating form leave the bathroom. I watched the door stupidly for what seemed like ever after she left. What the fuck is wrong with me? Better yet, what the fuck is wrong with her? Why would she forgive me so easily after I was just the biggest dick to her? I actually made her feel _bad_? The reason for our 'misunderstanding' – as she liked to call it – was because I was a fucking moron in the first place. Yet here she knelt, apologizing to me; I _made _her feel like she was out of line. When in reality, if I had just been a normal person and told her the truth, the whole situation would have been avoided. But of course, like always, I was yet again unable to express myself like a normal human being, causing a bigger rift between Bella and I. Story of my fucking life.

As I felt the mistakes of my entire young-adult life weighing heavily on my shoulders, I found the strength to drop my pyjama pants to the ground and enter the steaming cell that was my shower. The sweltering heat blasting from the pulsating showerhead wasn't nearly enough to clear my mind – at this point nothing would be enough to clear my head of my fucked up issues. I knew my cure. I knew what I had to do to make everything right. I knew that my confession to Bella would make the universe fucking align. The clouds would part and the sun would shine in this dreary town, giving my life something good for once. Sure Bella was my miraculous gift from god...but our relationship was the opposite end of the spectrum from anything that resembled normal. I slumped down to the floor of my shower stall, feeling as if I were the lowest life form on Earth. I couldn't treat Bella this way, making her think everything was her fault. I mean, she _knew _ninety-nine percent of the shit was my fault, but still blamed herself for little things like this. In reality though, I was responsible for even the things that she thought was her fault. Although I wanted to give her what she wanted, I still felt the involuntary constriction of my chest as she had asked me the words 'what happened to your parents?' – telling me I wasn't ready yet.

**b.p.o.v**

I lied on Edward's bed, staring dumbly at the ceiling, listening to the gentle whooshing of the shower water mixing with the rapid sputtering of the rain water on the house. As I continually darted my eyes across the plain white ceiling, finding it to be the same consistency no matter where I looked, I thought about what had just happen. I mean really? I had just woken up for Christ's sake, and he had already freaked out once. It was barely six o'clock! I had only joked that he had had a nightmare, I mean it's not like he ever told me he used to have them? How the hell was I supposed to know? I apologized because he seemed to take offense to my rather regrettable joke, and because I didn't want to fight with him anymore. I wanted to work harder at this than I had ever worked at anything before in my life. After two years I felt tired of the same old thing. The same spasms he had, the same fits he threw, and the same amount of times he withdrew from me _every time we talked. _But if I wanted this to work I was going to have to compromise – considerably. I told him I would give him time, and that was a compromise all in itself. I had given him two years of time to tell me what he had been through, and he hadn't done a thing. But yet here we were, with more time on our hands to see if it would finally work.

I heard the shower turn off and angled my head lazily to the door of the bathroom. I really hoped he wasn't mad at me, because it was all so stupid to begin with. I wouldn't have said that to him had I _known_? The next minute I saw the handle to the door turn before my glittering, dripping Adonis come strolling out, wrapped in nothing but a towel. I gawked shamelessly at the white towel riding dangerously low on his hips as he went to his dresser. I bit my lip as I watched the glistening drops from his sopping, dark bronze hair cascade rapidly down his beautifully defined back. When the drops disappeared beneath the towel I found myself staring at his lower back, like an utter moron. Sometimes this is just what I did, I watched him. I couldn't help but stare most times because really...who wouldn't want that? Despite our severe problems, I never found trouble with the ridiculous amount of attraction I felt for the man standing not ten feet away from me. I had felt it from the first moment we shook hands to introduce each other. I had blushed like the damn fool I was and he had smiled at me, making me lose my train of thought. I was pretty sure I was in the middle of saying something about Emmett, but in the end I never did get it out of my mouth.

"You know, taking a picture would have been less obvious," Edward said to me, bringing me back to the bedroom. I shook my head and focussed on him again. He was facing me now, still in the pathetic excuse for a towel he had on. _Had it sunk lower on his hips? _I thought to myself nervously. I could see the muscular lines on either side of his lower abdomen, creating an utterly sexy 'v' shape, leading the eyes where they couldn't follow because the damn towel got in the way. "Scratch that," he then said with a sexy grin. "The fucking paparazzi would have been less obvious than your ridiculous attempt to ogle me when I'm not looking." I grinned and bit my lip, making him smile my absolute favourite smile. I wish he could just smile like that all the time. It would make me the happiest fucking girlfriend in the world if he could just smile at me like that forever.

"Sorry," I muttered, blushing again for no apparent reason. I had seen the man naked millions of times, I had licked and sucked and eaten too many things to count off of his body, yet here I was; blushing because he caught me checking him out. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Bella please stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault. I'm really starting to feel like an ass," he said sadly. His sexy grin and the humour in his voice were gone. The dripping hair atop his head was hanging down into his eyes, casting a shadow across his perfect features. I wanted to lighten the sullen mood he had suddenly added to this already emotional morning.

"What do you mean? You don't already feel like an ass?" I forced out of my mouth with a laugh. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Fine," he said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I sighed in relief when I put that smile back on his face. "I feel like more of an ass." His smile faded yet again and mine disappeared from my tired face as well.

"Come here," I said, patting the bed space next to me. He tucked his towel in so it held as he made his way over to the bed, sitting on the open space I provided. "Don't feel like an ass, please. I don't think you're being one, you were just upset."

"Yeah," he said as soon as I finished speaking. "Exactly. I _was _upset. Upset because I'm an idiot and didn't tell you. Upset because it could have been avoided if I had just told you in the first place like a normal fucking human being!" He yelled. I could feel the sheer warmth of his skin and the utter seriousness of his words radiating off of him as he sat next to me.

"Don't yell," I pleaded in a calm voice. I reached my hand around his back and stroked his muscular, wet form with my fingers. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry." He laughed humourlessly as the apology fell from my lips. "What the hell is so funny?" I asked with annoyance.

"The fact that you've apologized four times for something that's not your damn fault," he replied with finality. Huh...I guess he was right. I just felt bad for making him upset and possibly angry because he was the last person I would ever want to hurt. Fighting with him was the worst form of torture possible.

"Sorry," I replied. "For apologizing for things that aren't my fault," I hastily added when he gave me that look.

"No more apologies, please. It's six thirty in the morning. Just...I don't know, go shower," he said, standing up. My eyes were transfixed on his back once more before he turned around to face me.

"Come with me?" I asked, biting my lip and staring at him like a fool again.

"Bella I just showered," he reminded me. I rolled my eyes at him and stood up. I touched my cold nose to his burning chest and inhaled his intoxicating scent. I always loved the way he smelled because it was positively mouth-watering.

"You don't smell clean enough," I taunted, looking up to him through my lashes. His lips parted ever so slightly, not escaping my notice, as he cocked his eyebrows, shooting them up underneath his sodden locks.

"Liar," he replied, his eyes darkened with lust. I knew that look. He wanted to come with me. I decided to use what I had to my advantage, he was being stubborn. I shrugged my shoulders, mouthing the word 'whatever' to him as I backed away, tantalizingly playing with the hem of the shirt I was wearing. It was _his _shirt, and he said it was sexy when I wore his clothes. He eyed me as I backed away to the bathroom, lifting the shirt painfully slowly, teasing him to get my way. I pulled the shirt off and tossed it to him, giving him a smirk, before I disappeared into the door. I heard the soft footsteps of Edward as he padded his way across the room to the bathroom. I slipped the shorts off, along with my underwear, and went to grab the handle of the glass shower door. I heard the door open behind me, but pretended like I didn't as I went to step in the shower. I felt his arms snake around my waist and lift me in, making me giggle myself retarded.

"Decided you were still dirty after all?" I asked, letting him press me against the wall of the shower stall. He held me firmly to it and turned the showerhead on with his other hand.

"Actually, I'm fairly clean still. I thought I'd help get you clean enough to leave the house," he replied with a smirk as the water cascaded gently down his back. He dropped his head down to my neck and sucked impressively on the base of it, making my skin explode with excitement.

"Keep doing that and we'll never even make it out of the shower."

________

"Seriously?" I said to Edward. I rolled my eyes and went back to the bottom of the stairs. "He's such a fucking woman...Emmett! What the hell?" I yelled up the stairs. I heard Emmett's booming steps as he peered over the rail.

"Shut it Coop! I'll be down in a sec," he replied, leaving my view again. Good god, he was being such a moron. He was most likely trying to make himself look 'pretty' for Rosalie.

"Oh my god. We're going to be late," I said, tapping my foot impatiently on the hardwood floor. Edward and I had nearly been late getting down here because of certain events that took place in his shower. But after waiting for nearly ten minutes for pretty boy's ass I wished I hadn't rushed. I looked like hell. I was wearing my faded blue jeans along with some old T-shirt that I flung over my head in my haste. My hair was dripping down my back still, and I was sans any make-up whatsoever. Edward looked absolutely gorgeous...obviously. All he had to do was step out of the shower, shake his head and voila...he's ready. I wished for the life of me that my routine of getting ready in the morning was as easy as his.

"Let's just leave him, he's got the Jeep," Edward said, impatient now as well. His hand was on the door handle, ready to dart out of it if need be.

"We can't. It's mean," I said, going back over to the stairs Edward snorted at me. He could care a less if he left Emmett here. "Emmett move!" I yelled. Being late to a class with a new teacher on the second day wasn't something I wanted to do. I heard his booming steps again, only this time they were descending the stairs. "Finally...good god Em...what the hell?" I looked at Emmett with shock etched across every surface of my face.

"Whoa man...what the hell did you do?" Edward asked, coming to stand next to me. I glanced to Edward to gauge his reaction. We both had the same scared look on our faces. Emmett was wearing...American Eagle? When the _hell _did he ever wear anything like that? I didn't even know he owned something like that. It's just as bad as him wearing Abercrombie & Fitch for god's sake. I shuddered at the thought.

"Uh," Emmett said, rubbing the back of his neck. I also noticed that his hair had some sort of product in it. I tried to stifle my laugh, but could barely contain myself.

"Emmett, honestly. You look like you stepped out of a horribly preppy magazine. Go change. I refuse to drive you to school looking like that." Edward's tone was amused as he took in the sight of Emmett. He literally looked ridiculous. He was always the type of guy to either dress in something sporty, or something resembling a rocker. Never had he ever dressed in something that resembled preppy; it was hilarious.

"No, we'll be late. Let's just go," Emmett said, slipping his shoes on. The collar to his dark blue, button-down shirt was folded neatly, flowing gently away from his collarbone. The first three buttons were undone, showing the defined muscles from his pecks underneath. He was such a tool; he was trying to impress Rosalie.

"Aw, leave Emmett alone. He's in love," I taunted, opening the door. I heard Emmett growl behind me as I made my way down the few steps to get to the driveway.

"I am not in love!" Emmett barked, racing me to the passenger door. Clearly he's faster than me because let's face it, a turtle is faster than me, and he beat me to the door. He stuck his tongue out playfully and did his little 'happy dance'.

"Emmett, back seat," Edward ordered, climbing into the driver's seat. I stuck my tongue out at him now before scooting past him into the passenger's seat. Emmett slid into the back and stuck his head in between the two front seats, fiddling with the controls on the stereo. Edward rolled his eyes at me and peeled out of the driveway, making his way to school. Emmett stopped playing with the radio when he heard a Katy Perry song. What the hell was his deal today? He's dressing like a tool and listening to Katy Perry. I almost wanted to jump out the car when I heard what song it was.

"_You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes," _she sang, the words echoing through the car. Oh dear god...this is so not the song for us to be listening to right now. I went to hastily change the dial before the chorus, but Emmett's hand flew out, preventing any such change. I glanced over to Edward, who was most likely clueless to the name of this song. Shit.

"Emmett I hate this song, please let me change it," I pleaded. He shook his head and bobbed it to the music. What a moron. I sank back into the seat and let the song play. Stupid, stupid, stupid Katy Perry and her songs about guys who are hot and cold.

"_I should know that you're no good for me." _God dammit. Edward glanced over to me, furrowing his brows. Shit. _"Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down. You're wrong when its right, it's black and it's white. We fight, we break-up, we kiss, we make-up." _Oh god, I wanted to open the door and do a 'tuck and roll' out of the car. At this point Emmett had even begun to sing horribly, getting all the words wrong anyways. But I knew Edward heard all the right ones. He heard all the words that dictated the way our relationship was to a fucking tee. Had Katy Perry somehow telepathically gained insight to our relationship then decided to write a fun song about it?

Edward sped up as he rounded the corner into the school, nearly taking out a stop sign as he did so. I gripped the 'oh shit' bar on the roof as he did to prevent from slipping out of my seat. Emmett didn't really take notice of any shift in mood because he was still singing like an idiot. The song finished just as Edward pulled into his spot. He turned the car off and we all sat in silence for a minute. I glanced behind me and saw Emmett peering out the back window. I needed to say something...anything, because the silence was deafening.

"Emmett what the hell are you doing?" I asked, shifting my eyes to Edward, who was staring at the steering wheel.

"Looking for...a friend," he said, pushing his face against the right window now. He was being such a retard, he was looking for Rosalie.

"Okay, Rosalie owns a red Mustang Em, its right over there," I said, pointing to Rosalie's fire engine red Mustang. Emmett's eyes popped open when he saw it.

"Thanks," he mumbled, opening the door to the car. I chuckled at him and took off my seat belt.

"You alright?" I asked Edward. I swear...it could have been any other song in the world, and any other radio station. But no...Emmett had to pick that station, at that exact time. What the hell was happening? It was like fate was _trying _to drive us apart on purpose, it was beginning to drive me a little insane more and more each day.

"What do you think? You heard the song Bella...that's us," he replied, his eyes finally locking with mine. "Correction...that's me."

"Well then, it's a good thing I don't care what Katy Perry thinks," I told him. His brows furrowed, he was so clueless to life sometimes.

"She's the one who sings that," I informed him. He nodded his head.

"But still. The song..." he said sadly.

"I guess we'll just have to find a new song then. One that's ours," I said, smiling at him. I wasn't going to let something small and ridiculous compromise the morning any more than it already had been. We had already made up once today, it was too early to get into another one of our famous tiffs.

"Okay. Our song," he agreed, unbuckling his seat belt. He leant over and kissed me gently on the mouth. I vaguely wondered if he was going to be doing the same things today that he did yesterday. I wouldn't push him though. I saw what that had done yesterday. I didn't want a public display of our problems for the whole school to see. We left the car and Edward was holding my hand, keeping me tightly to his body. His guard was up, like always. I sighed, a little disappointed. I thought that maybe something, anything would have changed. But he was the same. Emmett was nowhere in sight, and as we ascended the stairs I heard the first bell ring, making the both of us walk faster. It was strange how I hated to be late, but also hated to be in school? I mean I did well and always handed things in on time, but I could really care a less about it all. It was odd behaviour for two people who didn't care about getting into a good college. My English class was close to the front of the school so Edward and I parted early. He wasn't as affectionate as yesterday, which disheartened me a little. He only kissed me on the cheek this time before making a quick departure.

I entered my classroom, gloomy from the bizarre events of this morning. We were exactly like that song. So much so that it was scary. One minute we're falling apart at the seams, fighting because of some small comment that means absolutely nothing. Then the next we're wildly screaming in his shower, engulfed in passion. It angered and upset me to no end that we were like this. After so long of having these issues I just wished we could be a normal couple, with normal couple problems like what movie to watch or where to go on our next date.

I was starting to wonder if problems like these would ever be crowned as mine and Edward's. As I took a seat in an empty set of desks near the back I wanted to cry because my hope that had blossomed yesterday was already starting to dwindle away. I wanted to give him time, but it was so damn hard for me to do that. He _needed _time, and I wasn't sure that I would be able to wait as long as he needed. It was killing my soul and eating away at my mind every day he was still just Edward Cullen.

**e.p.o.v**

I strode down the hall to my biology class, high-strung and feeling like a walking disaster. This morning was already more fucked up than I could have imagined for a Tuesday and it was only nine o'clock. I needed something to calm me down, I was rapidly sinking into one of my moods, and I didn't want to get into another argument with Bella again today. I had had enough arguing with her and fighting with her. I just wanted to _be _with her. I heard someone call my name when I was about to turn the corner and looked up to see Jessica hastily making her way to me. I rolled my eyes and wanted to dart the fuck out of her way. Did she not get the hint yesterday?

"What?" I asked with utter annoyance. She pulled a small bag from her purse and raised her eyebrows questioningly. It was weed.

"Want some? I'm going out quick. Same stuff from the party," she said to me. Oh dear god how I wanted to. I still had a few minutes before I needed to be in class, and this was just the thing I needed to calm me down.

"Fine, quick," I said, following her out of the school. This was probably the most idiotic thing I could be doing since I had cheated on Bella with Jessica...but I needed this. I didn't care at this point that it was Jessica's weed I was smoking, I just needed anyone's. She lit a joint when we were around the corner, out of sight of teachers, and passed it to me. I took a hit, welcoming the smell and taste, and letting it calm my nerves.

"So what do you have now?" Jessica asked, taking a hit herself. I really hated that I was here with her right now.

"Bio," I replied, stealing it back from her. I just needed a few more and I'd be calm. Calm and ready to face Bella again.

"Something wrong?" She asked. Like hell I would tell her anyways?

"Nope," I replied. "Not that it's any of your business anyways." She eyed me wearily, letting me smoke her joint.

"Has it got to do with Bella?" Jessica asked, practically sneering my girlfriend's name. I definitely didn't need this right now. What made her think I would tell her? I had barely ever talked to her before in my life. I passed her the joint and pried myself from the wall I had momentarily hitched myself to.

"Thanks," I replied, evading her question. I turned around and left her outside just as the second bell rang, signalling the start of class. Fuck. I raced to the door of my biology room, praying to god that he hadn't already started the lesson. I swung the door open and cursed myself when I heard Mr. Banner talking about mitosis. I tired to slip in, but of course he caught me and singled me out.

"Ah Mr. Cullen, we are graced with your presence finally," he said with an edge to his voice. I knew from his Biology class last year that being tardy was not something he took lightly to.

"I got lost?" I joked, taking my seat next to Bella. The whole class erupted with laughter. I shrank back into my seat a little. I was never one to make jokes or call attention to myself. But right now I felt fantastic, like being on a cloud. I shifted my gaze to Bella who was biting her lip so forcefully it was turning white.

"Perhaps we should get you a map, Mr. Cullen," Mr. Banner said before returning to his lecture on mitosis. Bella had her hand up on the left side of her face now, shielding my face from hers. I reached up to pry her hand away but she refused. She ripped her hand out of mine and glared at me before returning her attention to the front of the classroom. Fuck. I wanted to scream and yell at her to fucking look at me, but I didn't want a public scene. That would be entirely too much for me to handle. So I just sat there and stared at her; the entire time. I just watched her. I watched the way she scribbled things down in her notebook and the way she shifted awkwardly because she _knew _I was watching her do so. By the end of class Bella still had her hand plastered to her face, and I was still equally annoyed by the fact that she was hiding from me. Honestly though...what was she pissed at now?

"Please read chapter three for tomorrow, and the following day we will be doing the mitosis lab," Mr. Banner said right before the bell rang. I immediately returned my attention to Bella who was just about to leave the table.

"What's your problem?" I asked her, picking up the notebook I hadn't touched all class. She looked at me like I was fucking retarded.

"What is my _problem_?" She asked with astonishment. "Are you insane?"

"I don't think so," I replied, standing up now too. What was her point? She knew I was sane.

"My problem is you," she replied curtly before turning to leave. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She can't say shit like that then turn away. I grabbed at her wrist and held her in place. She turned around and stared hard into my eyes; it was _my _look she was giving me. Shit.

"Let. Me. Go," she said through gritted teeth. Her eyes were hard and furious; why was she so mad?

"Please talk to me. What's wrong?" She actually laughed at me. It was maniacal, like she was losing her mind.

"You're fucking high," she said, ripping her wrist from my grasp. She stormed off, out of the room, and left me to my silence. How had she known? It was that obvious? I sniffed my clothes and cursed myself. I did smell horrible, like weed. Fuck. She hated when I smoked that shit too. God...this was going to be a long day.

**b.p.o.v**

I sat in Biology, waiting for Edward and the rest of the class to show up. There was still a few minutes until the bell was due to ring, so I pulled out my notebook and pen and began doodling on the inside of the cover. I drew a few horribly shaped flowers and hearts, feeling like I was twelve again. When I got bored after a minute or two I looked up to find Jasper walking into the room. He wasn't in this class was he? Maybe he had switched into it.

"Hey Jasper," I said with a smile. He didn't return my smile. He was edgy, and seemed like something was seriously wrong. "Are you okay?" His behaviour was awkward and frail, making him appear nervous. He shook his head at my question.

"Well _I'm _okay," he said, exhaling sharply. "I need to tell you something Bella...and I'm not sure you're going to like it." I cocked my head to the side, furrowing my brows in curiosity. What in the hell could he possibly need to tell me?

"Okay, well then shoot. You're making me all uncomfortable Jazz," I said, trying to chuckle. He still wasn't going for it. I swallowed hard. Jasper was never one to act like this. He was usually carefree and fun-loving. He always smiled and had a certain way with the ladies. He had a confidence about him that made Alice fall head over heels into his awaiting arms. We had this connection, we clicked. Not anything that resembled romantic, but we confided in each other. He was there with Alice when I had broken up with Edward. They provided me different insight than someone like Emmett did. They had more perception on the notion of relationships while Emmett was more able to give me insight on Edward himself.

"I...shit. I really don't want to tell you this Bella," Jasper said nervously. I tried to gather all my strength to ask him my next question.

"Edward?" I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be. He knew that only something bad to do with Edward would possibly make me as upset as he thought I would be. He nodded slowly, his grey-blue eyes saddened. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing.

"I saw him leave with Jessica," he told me. My heart sank at each word that fell out of his mouth. That fucking _prick. _I couldn't believe him.

"Did you follow him?" I asked. Jasper nodded at me in return.

"They were getting high," he replied. I brought my hands to my face and pressed hard against it, willing this information all to be a lie. I knew it wasn't. Jasper and Edward didn't get along, but Jasper would never lie to me like this. I rubbed each of my forefingers along my temples and felt the slight tension on my right one. He was with that bitch after she had repeatedly pounded me with a volleyball yesterday. What the _fuck_?

"Are you fucking kidding?" I asked, completely and utterly astonished that Edward was such an absolute moron.

"I'm so sorry, really. I wish I was joking...you know I'm not." Of course I knew this. He was Jasper, one of my closest friends.

"I know," I replied quietly. "Thanks Jazz." He affectionately placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a tight smile before he left the room. As soon as he left the second bell rang, and Edward was still MIA. Well he wasn't necessarily MIA; he was behind the school getting high with his new best friend. I tried to compose myself, because he would be here any second, if he decided to come at all.

______

I grumbled a series of incoherencies as I sat down at the usual table; Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie already there. I was cursing Edward's name to the fiery pits of hell, where he could fucking rot for the rest of eternity. Honestly? What was _my _problem? What the fuck was _his_ problem? I tapped my leg nervously under the table for no good reason. I was just annoyed and pissed and furious, and wanting to rip Jessica Stanley's ugly hair right out of her head.

"Hello Bella," Rosalie greeted me.

"Hey Rose," I replied with the most upbeat voice I could muster. I really didn't want her to think I was a bitch.

"Bells you okay?" Alice asked me. I looked over to my small pixie of a friend and rolled my eyes. She most likely already knew because of Jasper. I shrugged my arms and shook my head at her. I didn't know what else to do at this point. There was absolutely no way I was going to _ever _get through to him. I saw the eyes of Alice and Jasper dart to behind my head as I sat there for another few minutes. Jasper's eyes were narrowed slightly, while Alice's were worried. _He _was behind me.

"What do you want?" I asked without turning around. I stared at the intriguing pattern on the table top, watching the faded grain in the wood as it danced across the top of the table.

"Can we talk alone for a minute please?" I heard the velvety voice ask me. _Anything you want, _I wanted to reply. I held my tongue. I was furious with him.

"No," I replied. I darted my eyes back to Alice and Jasper who were exchanging glances with Emmett. I'm sure Rose was still clueless as to the horribly deformed relationship between us.

"Please?" He asked again. I knew he would persist like the jerk he is. I did the only thing I knew would work. I needed help.

"Emmett can you please make him leave?" I asked in a hurt voice. My eyes never left the table. I hugged my sides to me, feeling like all of yesterday and last night had been a complete waste of time. I was still the same as I had been yesterday morning. _We _were still the same as yesterday morning. All of that ultimatum shit apparently meant nothing to him. He wasn't changing, he was evolving. He was becoming something different but at the same time he was unchanging. He had talked for point two seconds about his life before me and gave up, just like that. When something became too hard for him he just let go. I saw Emmett stand up out of the corner of my eye and thanked god that my best friend was two hundred and some odd pounds of pure muscle.

"Dude, I think you should go," Emmett said to Edward.

"I'm not leaving," Edward replied, like it was ridiculous for Emmett to be asking this of him. Emmett huffed at Edward's response. What a stubborn prick he was being.

"Coop you want him here?" He asked me. I shook my head. "Leave man, now," Emmett directed to Edward.

"Bella this is ludicrous," Edward replied loudly. Did he want to have some sort of public blow-out right now? I calmed my breathing and refused to turn my head to him.

"Get the FUCK out of here," I replied, raising my voice. I looked up from the table and saw people at surrounding tables giving me a funny look. I couldn't have cared a less.

I didn't need to see him leave because Emmett sitting back down was all I needed to tell me he had finally gotten the hint that I didn't want to talk to him.

"Shit," Emmett said. "What the hell is wrong now?" I looked up to him. He was sitting with his arm on the back of Rosalie's chair. His hair was still styled with product and I still couldn't believe he was sporting American Eagle.

"Oh the usual," I replied glumly. "You know. Edward getting high with the skank he cheated on me with." Rosalie gasped at me.

"He did what?" She asked with astonishment. I wanted to laugh at her because that wasn't even close to half of the problems we had.

"It's a long story. I'll have to tell it to you sometime," I said to her. She nodded her head, sending her beautiful blond locks flying around her head in soft waves. Everyone was quiet around the table, Jasper and Alice especially. I felt bad that everyone's moods were dampened by my sullen one. I didn't need to drag them all down with me. I stood to leave, but of course everyone protested.

"Coop where you going?" Emmett asked. I ran my fingers through my hair and shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. But I hate that I'm depressing all of you, so I'm going to...I don't know...go sit outside. It's nice out today." It was total crock of shit that just came out of my mouth. I couldn't even remember if it was nice out this morning. It had been raining earlier, but not when we left the house. For all I knew it could be monsoon season outside.

"Want me to come with you?" Alice asked sweetly. I shook my head at her, whether I wanted her to or not. I kind of did because I just needed someone to talk to right now, but I was in such a mood that I wouldn't be of much company to talk to anyone.

"No, it's alright. But maybe can we hang out later?" Her tiny blue eyes lit up and she smiled, nodding her head.

"Sounds good Bells, see you after." I tried to give Alice a convincing smile before I departed the table. I made my way through the empty halls of the school, my book bag hitting against my ass with every step I took. This day was the shittiest I'd had in a while, and the worst part wasn't even over yet. I had gym last hour with Stanley, and she'd make my life a living hell. Would Coach notice if I skipped on the second day? I thought about skipping my last period class as I pushed the doors to the school open. It was still dreary and grey, with no chance of the sun shining through at all today. It was lightly misting, but not so much that it forced me to go back inside.

I walked down the few steps and went over to the cluster of picnic tables that were littered across the grass. I climbed on the top of one and sat my ass on it, not caring that it was wet and most likely soaking my jeans. The wind whistled as I watched it rustle the trees of the nearby forest, causing a ripple effect among the leaves. My eyes instinctively closed as the wind hit my face and I welcomed the cooling effect it had on me. My stomach and chest were burning with a fierce aching that just wouldn't go away.

"Bella..." The aching deepened and my chest constricted, threatening the tears to spill over. I buried my face in my hands and refused to look up at him. "Are you okay?" I bit my lip and tried my best to regain my composure before answering.

"Fine thanks," I replied without looking up. He took it upon himself to join me on the picnic table. He placed a hand on my shoulder and tried to comfort me. What was his deal? I was sick of him and Edward playing these stupid games that they played.

"You don't look okay," he replied. I forced myself to look up at him finally. His dirty blond hair was oddly looking a bit like Edward's. Did he do that on purpose?

"Mike I'm fine," I said in a harsh tone. The kid never knew when to take a hint, and after last night I thought I made it clear that I didn't want to talk to him. I transfixed my eyes on the forest yet again and sat there in silence with Mike. He cleared his throat after a minute and gently placed his hand on my knee.

"Bella I saw what happened in the caf," he confessed. "I told you he isn't good enough." I opened my mouth to protest; I didn't need his shit again right now. Not now. But he placed a hand over my mouth, silencing me. "Please let me speak. I'm sorry, but you know I'm right. If you would just give me a chance I promise I'd treat you so much better."

"Mike I can't deal with this right now. Can't you just leave me alone?" My voice was shaky with emotion as I spoke. Mike's hand on my knee lifted and he brought it to my face. I tried to pull away but he refused to let me go. He turned my chin towards him and he stared at me with an expression I couldn't understand.

"Bella I can't leave you alone," he said quietly. His eyes softened and he inched closer to me. Fuck. I tried to pull away and push my body away from his at the same time. "I..." He said, trailing off. Oh no, shit.

"Don't you fucking say that," I warned him. I knew what he was going to say, he wouldn't _dare. _

"I love you," he said right before pulling my face to his and kissing me. I kept my eyes opened, glancing around frantically as Mike held my face to his. He actually said that to me. Fuck! What the hell is wrong with this town and the people in it? As he forced his tongue on my lips I pursed them shut tightly, pushing myself away from him. I braced myself with my hands on the table for fear of falling as Mike continued to advance on me. I let one arm go and pushed against his chest, trying to get him off.

**e.p.o.v**

I relaxed into the cool, reclined leather seat, listening to some song to whose name I had no idea. The volume was cranked to a nearly unbearable degree as I sat in my car, trying with all my might not to run back in the school and throw Bella over my shoulder like a caveman. I wanted to apologize to her because she was upset. I couldn't help the fact that smoking calmed me down. It was just something that I needed, especially this morning. The song I was listening to ended and another came on; this one I actually knew. It reminded me of Bella so much I _almost _wanted to cry. This is our song...or it was going to be.

"_Desperate for changing, starving for truth. Closer to where I started, chasing after you. I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held on to. I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you."_

That was it, it was our song. _Completely incomplete. _Me? Hell yes. This was our song, no doubt about it. But that was us, it was Bella and I, and I was definitely hanging by a moment with her. It was the last moment she would ever give me; I was pushing it with this morning. I needed to find her, to tell her I was sorry. If she really wanted me to...I would give it up. I would give up smoking; only for her. I pulled the small lever on the side of my seat and made it return to its normal position. I glanced out the window and noticed that it was only lightly drizzling now. As I looked around I noticed up the stairs on one of the picnic tables was Bella. My heart skipped at the sight of her and I instantly felt ten times more horrible than I already had. She was thoughtfully looking off into the forest, a troubled look crossing her features. I saw her bury her face in her hands and before I knew it Mike was sitting next to her. That fucking prick.

I hastily unbuckled the seat belt and turned off the engine before throwing the car door opened. My angered steps raced towards the stairs and I began the ascent, hoping for Mike's sake that he was gone when I got up there. I stopped half-way up the steps when I heard Mike speak.

"Bella I saw what happened in the caf," Mike's voice said. "I told you he isn't good enough." I growled a bit to myself, but refused to let my feet move. I wanted to hear what Bella had to say. "Please let me speak. I'm sorry, but you know I'm right. If you would just give me a chance I promise I'd treat you so much better." Again...I wanted to hear her response. My stomach was twisting with thoughts of what she could say.

"Mike I can't deal with this right now. Can't you just leave me alone?" Bella's voice told him, noticeably weak. She sounded like she was about to cry. I wanted to just run up and wrap my arms around her, and tell her everything was going to be okay. I knew that this would both make her laugh and make her want to slap me because I was such an idiot.

"Bella I can't leave you alone," Mike said after a minute. His tone was deep and quiet. I strained my ears to hear when I heard him say 'I'.

"Don't you fucking say that," Bella's voice advised. I walked up another step so I was only one away from the top.

"I love you," he said to her. The only emotion I knew right then was rage. He told my girlfriend he loved her? What the _fuck _is his problem? I strained my ears again to see what Bella had to say to that, but she had no response. I furrowed my brows when neither of them said anything after a minute or two. I decided that Bella would hopefully rather talk to me than Mike, and I stood up fully, going up the last step. I focussed in on the picnic table and saw Mike pressing himself into Bella; his lips attached to hers lip superglue. Her one hand was behind her on the picnic table, holding herself up, while the other was on Mike's chest. Her eyes were opened and she was looking to her left, not seeing me because I was on her right. The rage increased with each step I took towards Mike and Bella. Her eyes snapped in my direction, and her face was elated and shocked as I grabbed the back of Mike's jacket, peeling him off my girlfriend. Bella sat up and wiped her lips off with a look of disgust on her face before taking her hand and slapping Mike right across the face.

"Shit," Mike said, opening and closing his jaw to test that it still functioned properly. My eyes widened at Bella and I let Mike go, letting him fall onto the bench of the table. I would have kicked his ass, but talking to Bella at this point was more important. Besides, she seemed to take care of him all by herself.

"I can't believe you," Bella said, shaking her head. She stood up and brushed off her butt before grabbing her bag. I went to leave with her and she shot me a look.

"Please...please can we talk?" I begged. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Mike scampered away into the school.

"Fine, talk," she said, halting her steps. Uh...okay?

"I'm sorry," I blurted. "I...I was just really tense and tightly wound this morning. I needed...something to calm me down." She looked at me with a funny face.

"You think _that's _my biggest problem here?" She asked. Well she didn't know that I had gone out with Jessica...so what's the problem?

"Well if that's not, then what is?" She shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Who'd you do it with?" She asked knowingly. Fucking hell, how the fuck did she know?

"Shit," I grumbled. "Please...forgive me, please," I said to her, my face twisting with torment. I hated Jessica. I really did. She just had good weed.

"Why should I? You're sneaking off to get high with someone you cheated on me with," she said hurtfully.

"It's not like that I promise. I just...I know you don't like when I smoke," I said to her.

"Then why do you do it?" She asked, utterly frustrated with me.

"I told you!" I said with frustration as well. "It calms me down."

"Seriously? Can you please find something other than illegal drugs to calm you down?" I had already decided this in my head, so I nodded.

"Anything. I'll do it. I promise. No more smoking," I agreed instantly. I wanted this all to be over. I wanted to just be with her and not fight for once today.

"Promise?" She repeated. I stared into her eyes and tried to convince her with my gaze that I was beyond serious.

"I promise," I vowed. She bit her lip and nodded. We just stood there for a few minutes in silence. I wasn't sure that she had forgiven me yet. "So can I stay? Or should I go?" She could have wanted space, or time to herself; I had no clue. She looked defeated as she responded.

"You can stay," she replied, sitting on the low brick wall near all of the picnic tables. I took up a spot beside her and let the cool wind calm down the raging inferno inside me. Seeing Mike kissing Bella was...enraging; to say the least. If he ever touched her again...I swear to god, he would be a goner.

"Oh," I said, remembering I had found our song. Bella's head angled towards me and she looked at me questioningly. "I found our song." Despite how much she was most likely mad at me she smiled. "Bella...I'm so sorry I'm a moron." She laughed now, making me smile because I just wanted her to be happy.

"It's alright. Just...stop being retarded. I mean you know what things will piss me off, yet you do them anyways," she said with a note of frustration in her voice. "But can we just not talk about it now? I'm done with arguing today. We'll save it for another time. So...what's our song?" I was glad that she didn't want to dwell on it today and smiled when she asked about our song.

"Hanging by a Moment, by Lifehouse," I replied, studying her face meticulously as she thought about the song. Her face broke out into a grin as she smiled and inched her way closer to me.

"Perfect," she whispered, settling her head on my shoulder and entwining our fingers together.

A perfect fit.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** So? Thoughts would be lovely! As always!

I'm pretty sure it's in there a lot, but the two songs I make reference to are Hot 'n Cold by Katy Perry and Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse.

The song quoted at the beginning is Let Love In by the Goo Goo Dolls :)

**Reviews are better than songs by Katy Perry! (...to some people...)**


	5. Full of Surprises

**A/N: **Ahh, chapter 5. The rollercoaster of Bella and Edward continues : )

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up**_

_**Am I still you charm, or am I just bad luck**_

_**Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost"**_

**b.p.o.v**

Like I had decided earlier, I didn't go to gym that afternoon. I had told the Coach that my head still hurt from yesterday and I thought it best if I just went home rather than possibly sustain further injury. I should have been an actress or something, because I was damn good at lying. He bought my bullshit story, telling me to take as much time as I needed to get well again.

So while I had lied my way out of gym, I was instead in the back of Edward's car, listening to music while his tongue explored the depths of my mouth. I was still mad as hell at him...but in all honesty I was always mad at him. I mean, when was I _not _mad at him? Most times through our fighting we would put every single problem we had aside and just be with each other. It was a disgustingly unhealthy thing to do, but it was all we knew, and I could never go very long without being near him or touching him. Our pull was magnetic, forceful even. Most times it was like I was being drawn to him, needing his touch to sate my desire.

"So..." Edward said, pulling his face an inch from mine. Some new Black Eyed Peas song was playing in the background, but I could hear his voice as clear as day. He kissed expertly down the side of my neck, causing the surface of my skin to ripple with goose bumps. "Are we...agreed...that ditching....is healthy....every...now and then?" He asked while trailing kisses across every millimetre of skin he was exposed to. As I often found myself incoherent as hell and in my own little world when he kissed me, I just nodded. I would have said something in response but feared I would sound like a deranged lunatic if I tried. The gentle wetness from Edward's lips left a burning trail on my skin as he gradually kept making his way back up to my mouth.

I was leaning with my back against the window on the left side of the car, my legs parted slightly on either side of Edward's knee. He slowly inched closer as his tongue re-entered my mouth, and as he pressed his knee against me, my hips instinctively bucked into him. I felt a smile ghost across hips lips as he pressed his knee harder, digging his tongue further into my mouth. I whimpered quietly, feeling the familiar heat growing in the pit of my stomach. My hand travelled across his shoulders and made a comfortable home in his hair as the song changed to one I didn't know. I liked the beat though; it was quick and catchy, making me grip the back of Edward's head more forcefully.

With Edward's body quivering slightly, he slid his hand underneath my shirt, grazing my heated skin with his slender fingers. They traced a smooth line up my abdomen and brushed softly under each cup of my bra, sending a fierce wave of heat to my stomach. My fingers curled around locks of Edward's hair as I pulled him closer, eliciting a sexy groan from his mouth.

I had always wondered why he had wanted _me _of all people. When we began dating it was my constant thought. Edward was a reincarnation of a Greek god, and I was a reincarnation of said Greek god's doormat. I always saw myself as plain; not much to look at. But as our relationship grew over the years I realized otherwise. I had Edward telling me I was beautiful and all he ever needed, while I had people like Mike hitting on me constantly. So I accepted myself for what people told me I was; beautiful. As for the relationship between Edward and me, it was a basal need. It was something like instinct. Edward and I needed each other, like life support, or like a crack addict needs his next fix.

"Edward," I moaned as his knee dug further into my already heated center. His fingers kept grazing the outside of my bra, telling me what he wanted. I never had to ask or guess with him anymore, not that it wasn't blatantly obvious from the bugle on the outside of his jeans what it was he wanted.

"Yes Bella?" He responded in a throaty voice. I gathered every shred of coherency I had.

"The school...parking lot?" I asked as his mouth and hand expertly worked on my chest. He pulled his head up to my face and his dark, lustful eyes scorched into mine, making me forget what I had even said to him. His red, puffy lips looked all too inviting as he smiled at me.

"It's not like we haven't before," he replied, kissing the side of my chin. What had I asked him again?

"Huh?" I whispered in a shaky voice. His hand floated around to my back and worked circles on my skin, creating a Bella who was less than coherent, and sounding like a moron.

"I said it's not like we haven't had sex in the school parking lot before," he replied, devouring my lips again. A shudder rippled through my body as I gave into my needs, my hands flying out of his hair and ferociously gripping his hips. I fumbled with his belt, and as I began loosening it, I felt the door to the car open, making me nearly fall out of the seat. When it opened I felt myself fall, but Edward caught me around the neck. My head lulled out the car door and I was face-to-leg with someone. My eyes trailed up the person's long, denim-clad leg, and as soon as I saw the ridiculous blue button-down on Emmett I frowned. He was upside down and looked funny.

"Note to self," I said as Edward pulled me up. "Lock the doors to the Volvo."

"Dude what the fuck?" Edward said with anger on his face. Emmett was giving us both a funny look, and as I shifted my eyes behind him I saw Rosalie and Alice, watching with shock and amusement. I blushed like an idiot when I saw that we had an audience. Music was blasting out of the car, and I'm sure from the looks on our faces and the redness of our lips that it was obvious what we had been doing.

"Uh...school's been done for like fifteen minutes bro. I wasn't sure where the hell you were, and I heard that god awful shit coming from the car. I didn't know Bella was there, I swear." Emmett's face was a mixture of shock and amusement as well, with a tinge of remorse. He knew Edward was very private and protective when it came to me.

"Edward I'm fine," I told him. He still had a tight hold on me, not letting me leave the confines of his chest. He looked down to me and his furrowed brows smoothed out when he realized I was okay. He nodded a little and helped me out of the car. He went to step out but quickly shrank back in when he realized his pants were undone. I bit my lip playfully as he raised his brows at me with a smirk on his face. He quickly redid his belt and got out of the car, slamming the door shut. The other three were still looking at us, trying to pretend like they didn't just catch us potentially fooling around in the back of Edward's car.

"So..." Alice said, rocking back and forth on her heels. It was a nervous and awkward gesture, making me blush because we were so obvious. "Can we get going?" Edward, who had momentarily leant up against the car, looked down to me.

"I'm hanging out with Alice," I informed him. He looked a little disheartened at this fact, but nodded. I hadn't hung out with Alice in a while; we were well overdue for a chat.

"Call me later?" He asked, staring at me intensely.

"I will," I said, stepping up onto my tip toes to kiss him. I felt him tense, but he gave in with little hesitation, and kissed me quite passionately on the lips. I smiled as his arms wrapped around my waist and squeezed me tight. He let go after a few mere seconds of uninterrupted bliss and smiled victoriously at me. He kissed my cheek once before mouthing the words 'I love you' to me. I mouthed them back and he got into the Volvo, waiting for Emmett to do the same.

"Uh...Coop...you okay?" Emmett asked. I turned to face Emmett who was wearing a look of concern. Edward and I were like a freaking roller coaster. You never know which way it's going to go next, and it's always full of fun surprises.

"I think so," I shrugged. I wasn't really sure what the hell I was feeling. At this point blissful, but that was just because I was still under the hideous spell Edward had me under. When it wore off I would most likely be pissed and enraged with him.

"Are you sure? Because earlier you were really torn up," he said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I patted his hand soothingly and smiled at him.

"Atwood I'm sure," I replied, causing him to grin. He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me into a bear hug before setting me back on the ground.

"Ouch...shit Em," I said, wiggling my entire body to see if I could move after that. He laughed a deep, booming laugh and turned around. He bounded over to Rosalie and kissed her cheek before she even knew what was happening, making her blush something fierce. I was glad to know that I wasn't the only love-sick fool that blushed around the man she loved. I wasn't sure how Rosalie felt about Emmett, or even who Rosalie as a person was, but I could tell she was attracted to him. That much was obvious. I heard Rosalie giggle as Emmett turned from her and made his way to the Volvo. When he was in Edward slowly backed up, gently tapping his fingers against the glass as he did so, coaxing a small wave from me. The corners of his mouth turned up into a sad smile as he drove off with Emmett.

"So, are you up for a shopping trip?" Alice asked with enthusiasm once they were gone. I rolled my eyes because Alice was a shopping Nazi. I never bought anything and she never forced me, but shopping for her was like breathing.

"At this point I'm up for anything," I said with sincerity, making Alice smile. I hadn't seen her truly smile at me like that in a while. Around me people were always glum and down, most likely reflecting the mood I was wearing myself.

"Glad to hear it," Alice said, linking her arm with mine. "You game Rose?" Alice asked. Rose's brows furrowed, making her perfectly structured face crumple.

"Game?" Rosalie repeated confusedly. I couldn't help but join Alice as she laughed. Rosalie was so clueless to our slang still.

"Do you...want to...come?" Alice asked between giggles. Rosalie's features straightened themselves out as she smiled, nodding her head.

"Of course!" She said with a flip of her silky hair. "I love shopping."

After we had decided to take Alice's car and pick Rosalie's up later, the three of us headed towards Alice's screaming canary yellow Porsche. It was possibly the most ostentatious car in the school parking lot. By the time we were in the car, we were the only one's left in the lot, and I felt my cheeks grow hot again as I thought about why exactly that was. Alice tore out of the parking lot, hastily heading in the direction of Port Angeles. Apparently a shopping excursion/appointment with my therapist, AKA Alice, was in order.

______

"Wow..." I breathed, feeling my lungs constrict. Rosalie stepped out of the fitting room with the most perfectly curve-hugging, black and white halter dress I had ever seen. Alice stepped out a second later and glanced to Rose who was spinning around, looking at herself in the mirror. Alice's jaw dropped and she looked over to me with a disgusted look on her face. I knew what she was thinking. _Who the fuck is that perfect? _

"Do you like it?" Rosalie asked, making me laugh. She would make a green garbage bag look good.

"Uh, yeah," I said, watching her examine herself in the full-length mirror.

"It's not too...short?" She asked, pulling on the bottom of it. Alice laughed now, and for the first time I noticed she was wearing a dress too. It was white, with a diamond pattern of sequins glittering across her chest. It was strapless and curve-hugging as well. She looked amazing.

"You guys look amazing," I said, wishing I could pull either of those dresses off. Alice glanced to me as she pulled up the bust line of her dress.

"Thanks. You should try some on." There was something in her tone that made me think I would _need _a dress.

"And why would I need to do that?" I asked sceptically. Alice tried to feign nonchalance, but failed miserably.

"No reason. We _might _be having some sort of Winter Formal this year. At which you may need to wear a dress," she said like it was nothing. I was instantly shaking my head. Dancing was _so _not my thing.

"Alice are you serious?" I asked, completely flabbergasted at her. I thought she was maybe joking.

"Yes I am Bella. I think it would be good, you know. Go out with Edward for once. Wear something nice, dance, live...you know," she said quietly. She kept darting her eyes away from mine, and looked almost nervous.

"Why are you being so odd?" I asked, not caring how blunt I was being.

"I don't know. I was hoping you wouldn't get offended at my suggestion," she replied with a shrug. Rosalie was still playing with the bottom of her dress, scrunching up her face as she did so.

"Why would I be offended? I wish for the life of me that Edward would actually go out in public with me and do something that involved being close, like dancing. I mean...I hate dancing, but Edward would never go for it anyways. Even if I asked him." I shrugged along with my response. He wouldn't even hug me or kiss me in public, what made her think he would do something like dancing?

"I'm sure if you asked him he wouldn't say no," Alice said, looking at me through the mirror. I wore a look that said 'are you kidding me?' "He really would say no?" She asked with a sad face. I shrugged and nodded, it was true.

"Alice...you see how he acts in public with me. What makes you think he'd consider something like dancing?" She knit her tiny brows together and finally a look of realization dawned on her face. She knew what I meant.

"Oh," she said, her face falling at the sadness of my boyfriend situation.

"Okay, no. No sad faces please. Let's shop. I always put you in a bad mood," I said, instantly feeling like a bummer. "Rose the damn dress is perfect. Stop playing with it," I said, trying to get everyone's spirits back up. Rosalie stopped her fidgeting and her hands wrapped around her waist, smoothing out the fabric of the dress.

"Yeah Rose, it's...flawless," Alice said, still looking at herself in the mirror.

"Alice you look amazing too," I said with a smile. Alice's smile back was small, and I still knew she was worried about me. I shook my head at her and pointed to Rose. We didn't want our new and foreign friend to be subject to the soap opera events of our lives. Maybe I would explain it all to her someday. "By the way, how in the hell do you know we're having a Winter Formal already? And why are you buying dresses now?"

"Well that would be because I'm the one organizing it," Alice said. "I'm on the student council again and I'm in charge of organizing events. I saw that a Winter Formal was on the list, and I wanted to get a dress before all the good ones got cleaned out....so it looks good?" I nodded my head.

"Alice you look so beautiful," Rosalie said with a warm smile, fixing the back of Alice's dress for her. Rosalie towered over Alice, making her look even smaller. They both looked like they stepped out of America's Next Top Model, while I looked like I was one of those people that watches that show wishing you were them. I had fairly good self-esteem these past few years, but being in a room with these two made me feel less than significant.

"So Rose," I said, grinning like a bitch. Let's see how much she likes Emmett? I loved playing these games. She turned around and came to sit beside me, still in the dress she was wearing.

"Yes Bella," she replied with a smile.

"Are you going to the Formal with Emmett?" I asked, watching as her face heated up. I giggled when Alice snorted. Rosalie stuttered on her words and put her face in her hands. "I didn't mean to embarrass you," I said apologetically. She seemed so sensitive over little things like this. She pulled her burning face out of her hands and smiled weakly.

"It's not that," she said, shaking her head. "Well a little. I just...I think I like him. But I barely know him?" I'll admit it, her French accent was sexy, and when she spoke sometimes I got lost in her words. Half the time I tried to figure out if I heard her right when she said things.

"Well Emmett can have that effect on women," I said with an eye roll. She smiled sadly.

"That's what I'm afraid of," she replied quietly. I gawked at her, literally gawked at her. She was that perceptive? I mean she knew that much about Emmett already?

"Rose..." I said, astounded that she was being so introverted. Sure she barely knew us, but she had never acted _this _shy.

"Bella is Emmett your best friend?" She asked, resting her hands on her lap.

"Yeah," I answered, biting my lip.

"What's your _honest _opinion of him?" She asked, sounding out the word 'honest' to make sure she said it correctly. I swallowed exceptionally hard, glancing to Alice. She had a look on her face that was something like 'don't look at me, she asked you.' Fuck. I needed to tell her the truth...but Emmett would kick my ass if I told her what he was really like.

"Honestly...he's sort of a player," I confessed, watching her face turn to confusion again. She really needed to learn some slang...fast.

"What do you mean? Like in a game?" She asked, making the giggle spill from my mouth. How I loved her already.

"Not really...well kind of. But no," I said shaking my head. Trying to explain what I meant by 'player' would just confuse her even more. I watched as Alice silently drifted back into the fitting room and I stalled, trying to figure out what to say to Rose. "Okay, how about you go get changed back into your clothes and we'll talk about Emmett when you're out?" Rosalie nodded in compliance and did the same as Alice had done. What the hell was I going to tell her? Emmett was a womanizer, he loved the ladies. He flirted with everyone. But yesterday his curious eyes only met one other person that I know of. _Bella you are such a genius._

I heard the ringtone and vibrations coming from my pocket while Alice and Rose were changing. I pulled the phone out of my pocket and glanced to the caller ID, knowing who it most likely was.

"Hey mom," I said after putting the phone to my ear.

"Bella where are you?" Renee asked.

"Out with my friends, shopping in Port Angeles," I said, biting on my lip. She would most likely throw a fit because of the fact that I hadn't called her and told her where I was going. I heard her sigh into the phone.

"Is it so hard to pick up a phone and let us know where you are?" She asked. I heard Charlie yelling in the background, it was something about me. "Yes Charlie! I'm on the phone with her right now!" I held the phone away from my ear as my parents argued.

"Okay hello. Mom? Mom?" I said, almost yelling into the phone myself.

"What?" She said breathlessly.

"I'm at the mall...I'll be home later," I replied, listening to the argument still taking place on the other side of the phone.

"Okay...honey," Renee said, her voice audibly weak. "I love you."

"Love you too mom," I replied before hanging up. My parents were getting so much worse lately, arguing and fighting over every little thing. My mother was the parent I got along with best, but she was at times a highly over-obsessive pain in the ass. If one small thing was out of line, like a spoon or a chair, she would freak. It was her OCD, and while she couldn't help it, it drove me mad. To make matters worse...I was pretty sure that my mother was cheating on Charlie. I had kept this small but profound bit of information to myself, not knowing if it was even true.

Since I was often left with the responsibility of doing laundry some days, I saw all of my parents' unmentionables. One day about a week ago when I was doing laundry I found a pair of boxers that did _not _belong to Charlie. I knew that my dad was a man that wore boxers, and the ones that I had washed were boxer-_briefs – _definitely not Charlie's. But I had told myself that I didn't know every single pair he owned, and most certainly wasn't about to confront either of my parents with a vague assumption based on a pair of dirty underwear that may or may not be Charlie's.

"Bells?" I heard Alice's voice say. I diverted my eyes from the small section of floor they were temporarily transfixed to and shot them up to Alice. "You okay?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, standing up. She gave me that look I knew. "Alice really. It's just my parents," I said with an eye roll.

"Oh," she said, "they can be such a pain in the ass sometimes." Her tone was desolate, like she knew from experience. From what I gathered of Alice's relationship with her mother, they were fairly close. Alice's real father had left her and her mother at an early age, leaving them alone to fend for themselves. I'm pretty sure marrying Jasper's father was the best thing Karen could have ever done.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Well I don't really know. You know what I think though?" I was clueless, sometimes with Alice you just never knew. She could say something and catch you completely off-guard.

"What do you think Alice?" I asked, hearing the door to Rosalie's fitting room opening.

"I think when we're done we should curl up on the couch, watch some stupid, sappy movie, and cuddle up to B&J. Gushing right now seems like something we all need to do." I smiled at her and threw my head back in laughter. Snuggling up to a tub of my very own Karamel Sutra sounded fantastic right about now. I swear to god the woman could read my mind, a girl's night is just what I needed.

"That's ice cream right?" Rosalie asked, folding the dress neatly over her arm. Alice giggled.

"Hell yes its ice cream," I replied. "It's got a lot of calories and it's fattening and absolutely delicious." Rosalie laughed a melodic laugh and made her way up to the cash. After both she and Alice paid for their dresses we left the mall, speeding down the highway in Alice's Porsche again. Being with my friends I felt so carefree, weightless almost. Sure my problems were still there, but my spirits were up somehow. I think it was the constant negativity of Edward that caused my mood to kill everyone else's. He just needed to lighten up, and try at this. I was sick of the pessimism and the lying and the constant betrayal of my trust.

Didn't he know I was trying just as hard as he was here?

**e.p.o.v**

I was lying lazily on the couch, my right arm and leg hanging off the side as I watched a movie. It was a zombie movie, and reminded me of Bella and the first night we ever had sex. Although it wasn't the same movie, it stirred up my distant memories, making me pay next to no attention to the story line. All I knew about the movie was that there was some crisis, causing people to turn into reanimated versions of themselves, hell-bent on eating brains. Bored with the zombies I flipped onto my back, staring at the perfectly white ceiling. I heard the screaming and moaning of zombies as my mind floated miles away, to where Bella most likely was in Port Angeles. Maybe she was back now? I had no clue; she hadn't contacted me since the end of school.

Lately she hadn't hung out much with Alice, or anyone for that matter. She had spent the last week cooped up in her house, most likely bored to tears and angry with her parents' constant fighting. I knew she needed this, and Rosalie was a newly found friend. I'm sure Bella didn't want to give off a bad vibe to someone so new and impressionable. I could understand this, but hated when she left. I wanted to finish what we had started in the car like the horny teenager I was. After that I wasn't sure if she was still mad at me. Well maybe she was, but she didn't seem mad.

"Edward?" I heard Carlisle call. I sat up and peered over the back of the couch, seeing Carlisle's slender form appear in the doorway to the living room. Carlisle had a shape and build much like mine, with shockingly blond hair and chiselled features. I wasn't really sure where Emmett had gotten his body-builder-like frame from as Esme was short and tiny, while Carlisle was like me.

"Yeah, right here," I said with a small wave of my hand, letting him know I was hidden by the couch. He walked into the room, his hands deep in the pockets of his crisp, black trousers. He was wearing a tight-fitting light blue turtleneck, accenting his vibrant blue eyes. I realized I hadn't talked to Carlisle in over a week, since that night – the night of the party. I felt a wave of anger and pain wash over me, suddenly remembering why that night had been so horrible in particular.

"I think we should talk," he said, studying my face. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, sitting up completely now. I shut off the stupid movie and got up, following Carlisle out of the room. If he ever wanted to talk to me about anything related to my life before all of this we always went to his office. It was like _our _space. It sounds ridiculous, but I felt comfortable there, more at ease. I knew though that nothing would make this topic any less emotional. Carlisle closed the door to his office as I sat down in the tall, wing-backed chair off to the left side of his desk. Once Carlisle was seated he just looked at me curiously, waiting for me to say something.

"I don't know what you want me to say?" I said, folding my arms across my chest. I wasn't even sure how I felt about the whole situation. Did I care? Well...not really. I mean sure he was my father by blood, but that was the only relation I had to the deranged man from my past. I felt it in my bones that we shared DNA, and hated myself with a passion for that fact. I hated him for making me this way.

"Have you thought more of what we discussed?" Carlisle asked, lacing his long fingers together on his desk. I rubbed my hand along my face, trying not to get pissed at him. It was Carlisle here, and he was just trying to make sure I was doing the right thing.

"Honestly, no," I replied, my hand resting on top of my head. I tugged at strands of my hair as Carlisle's face saddened.

"Edward..." He said, straightening his shoulders. "I know this is a lot right now. I understand that this is hard for you, after everything you've been through." I shifted my gaze from Carlisle's and stared intimately at the paper-weight on his desk. It was shiny and silver, glinting with radiance in the dim light.

"I know that. I just...don't want to see him. I've never hated someone so much in my life," I said in a quiet voice. No matter the circumstances, I never wanted to see my real father again. I had a new life now, I had moved on as best I could. I was trying to free myself from my past completely, and failing miserably. It was just too hard to talk about. I had been left for dead, bleeding and broken in the basement of my dingy Chicago home. Why would I want to _ever _see the person who inflicted that kind of pain on me? What kind of a sick, twisted fuck was he for doing that to a thirteen year old kid?

"I understand that. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't come to regret your decision in the future. I was hoping you'd decide against it anyways. I only wanted to give you the option," Carlisle assured with a forced smile. He wanted to have this conversation just about as much as I did.

"I appreciate it," I said, the pain still throbbing in my chest. "But no. I can't. I belong here, in Forks. I'm never going back to Chicago. I don't care if he _is _dying. He can burn in hell for all I care." I felt heat on my cheeks as my anger began making its appearance. I hated thinking about my past because it made me angry. Why was I dealt such a bad fucking hand? I guess it's just names out of a hat right? God pulled out Edward Masen and said 'fuck him' like the almighty dick he is.

"I agree," Carlisle said with a sombre expression. I knew that Carlisle was a bleeding heart. He wanted to save the world, but sadly could not. He knew all of what my father had done to me and he hated him too. But he hated the idea of someone suffering, even if it was my abusive, massively unhinged father.

"So it's settled. I don't care that he's dying, and I'm not going back." Carlisle swiftly nodded his head and rose from his seat, gracefully moving around the desk. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and smiled sadly down at me.

"You're where you need to be, son. Don't ever think otherwise," Carlisle assured with a now heart-warming smile. My anger faded as Carlisle called me son. He was right, this is where I needed to be, where I was always meant to end up. Sure it was fate that dealt me this crock of shit at the beginning, but all roads ended here. In Forks with Bella is where I was meant to be.

"Thanks," I replied, clearing my throat of the emotion that had lodged itself there. "How long's he got anyways?"

"My guess would be a few months at most. They've relocated him to a hospital and he's currently undergoing treatment. It's not looking good, I'm not sure it will help him at this point. Just prolong his life a few weeks at best." I did my best to nod at him. Possibly in a few months I would be an orphan, finally. "Are you okay?" Again I tried to nod, but felt my chest constrict with pain and agony.

"I...I don't really know what to feel," I said, searching Carlisle's face, hoping it would tell me the answer. I wanted to feel nothing, to feel the familiar loathing and disgust towards my father. No matter how much I was trying I just couldn't. I felt weak and pitiable, and to my utter disgrace I felt the shameful tears well over my eyes, spilling down my cheeks. "Fuck," I cursed, wiping my dampened skin. I hadn't cried in years, I made myself sick. Why did I care?

"Edward, it's alright to cry. Just let it out," Carlisle said, patting my shoulder. I shook my head fiercely.

"No it's not!" I growled, another few tears dropping from my traitorous eyes. "I hate him! I want to be glad that he's dying. I want to love the fact that I'm finally getting some sort of justice. Jail just wasn't good enough for what he put me through!" I was yelling, not necessarily at Carlisle, just venting. I was angry and confused. "But I can't..." My lungs ached for air as I hadn't breathed from my incessant crying. "I hate that I care he's dying. I hate it...but I want it at the same time." I frantically dried my face, coming up unsuccessful as new tears replaced the old ones.

"You care because you're human," Carlisle said calmly. "Whether you like it or not he's your father. Sure for you it may be a pointless title, but deep inside you feel it. You can't help but." I gave up on trying to dry my face and just cried, knowing that Carlisle was right. Damn genetics for linking me to that despicable man, making me _actually _care that he was going to die soon.

"I want to...feel nothing for – him," I said, trying to breathe and cry and speak all at the same time.

"It's not in your nature to be like that Edward."

"Well it should be!" I growled through my tears. "Why should I give a fuck when he neglected and abused me my entire life?" I found the blurred outline of Carlisle still standing before me as the tears assaulted my cheeks.

"Because you aren't your father," Carlisle boldly replied. "You have a heart as big as your mother's Edward. You would see it too if you just let go of your past." I clutched at the front of my T-shirt, agonized by my resemblance to my mother. I had been told that I had features like my mother, elegant and beautiful. I was glad for my obvious relation to her, loathing the one feature I had adopted from my father. It was my eyes; the green, impenetrable force fields. My eyes were the same eyes my father had, the ones I now wanted to carve out with ice picks until all that was left were two hollow holes, gaping and scarred.

"You aren't your father," Carlisle repeated, taking my silence as a rejection to his statement.

"But I am..." I replied solemnly. "I hurt Bella." My admission brought on a painful amount of shame, causing my tears to fall to my shirt. Carlisle gripped my shoulders with intensity and forced me to look at him. His eyes were fierce and his stare was angered.

"You hurt her?" He asked, shocked beyond words that I had done something to possibly hurt Bella.

"Not on purpose!" I yelled, trying to justify myself. I wanted to admit that I was like my father, but knew I was different for the sole reason that I actually cared about the people I 'loved'. He had claimed he loved me once upon a time, and then turned around and beat me to a pulp. I _actually _loved the people I said I did, and would never do anything to purposely hurt them like he had hurt me. "We were fighting, and I was drinking...it was an accident." I hung my head as Carlisle's hands eased on my shoulders. "It was the day you told me he was dying."

I had been a confused and angry wreck that day; not even knowing which way was up. I did anything to try to drown out my feelings, confused as they may have been. I had wanted to feel nothing, the numbness. I couldn't. No amount of drinking or smoking could ever inebriate me enough to forget about what he had done to me. It would also never be enough to make me change my mind about the way I felt about him. I didn't love him, and I didn't even like him. I hated him, with a fiery passion of a raging inferno. But I cared. I cared that he was an awful, twisted part of me. I cared that he would soon be gone. It didn't make sense in my mind but apparently it made sense in my heart.

"Is she okay?" Carlisle asked, only concerned for the well-being of Bella. I nodded, my eyes betraying the confidence I was trying to display.

"I just...grabbed her by the shoulders," I said with a sniffle. "A little too hard. I made her bruise." My vision blurred once again as I recalled the many times throughout my childhood that I had awoken with horribly discoloured skin, wondering what I did to make my father so angry.

"See," Carlisle said, taking one hand off my shoulder and taking my chin in his grip. "You're different because you _care_." My chest was heaving wildly, trying to keep up with the amount of air my lungs wanted to consume. The tears staining my cheeks and shirt were proof of what Carlisle was telling me. All I could manage to do was nod. "Good. Now, would you like me to keep you updated on his condition? I'll be checking in more frequently now." I shook my head.

"I don't want to know. Just, when he dies, let me know." The words felt like sin as they spilled from my lips. I was a horrible, wicked person. I didn't even care about how he was doing; I just wanted to know when he finally croaked. _No Edward! _I battled with myself, Good Edward and Bad Edward bickering at each other from my respective right and left shoulder. I wasn't horrible for not wanting to know. He had hurt me. He had beaten me and blamed me, and damn near tried to kill me. Why should I care about him when he's dying?

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Carlisle asked, probably witnessing my internal struggle. I dried my face with the fists I hadn't even realized I'd made, and nodded.

"I'm sure. It'll be harder to deal with if I know he's going downhill. If one day in a few months you tell me he's dead I'll be able to cope easier." I knew that Carlisle would be making his bi-annual calls to the Chicago Sate Penitentiary a lot more frequently now. Or now his calls would be directed to whichever hospital my father had found himself landed in. Carlisle had made it a habit to call there every spring and fall, to make sure my father was progressing as expected.

With his latest call, made exactly a week and three days ago, Carlisle had been informed that my father was dying of lung cancer. It was the day of the party. The day I nearly broke down. The day I tried to put on my best face and act like everything was normal. The day I failed miserably and cheated on my girlfriend. All because that stupid prick was dying. Even when he wasn't around to hurt me physically he always stuck in my mind to hurt me in other ways. He had fucked me up for life, breaking the person who once lived inside of me. Edward Masen was still there, but only barely. I had no clue who I was, who I wanted to be, or who I should be.

While I somehow cared right now that my father was dying, I knew it was something I wanted to happen. He had done all of this to me, he had made me unable to have a normal relationship with the one person I cared most about. I hated him for it, and I wanted him to suffer for what he did to me. I wasn't lying when I said that jail wasn't good enough for what he did to me. It wasn't. At this point nothing would ever be good enough to make me satisfied that the bastard was finally getting what he deserved. I would never be satisfied because no amount of pain and suffering would erase the memories that I would have for the rest of my life. But I knew one thing – his treasured five packs a day were finally trying to get some sort of revenge for me. I guess the chain-smoking that I despised as a kid is something that I should now be thankful for.

**b.p.o.v**

I leant up against the Porsche, an ice cold tub of Ben & Jerry's in hand. Rosalie came strolling out of the store, arms full with candy and chips and chocolate. Alice followed closely behind her, carrying some sort of frozen drinks – they looked like Slurpee's to me. I grinned at them; it was like we were all getting our monthly cravings or something. PMS anyone?

"God, we have enough junk to feed the entire town," I remarked when they were close enough. Alice giggled and Rose just smiled.

"Who cares?" Alice said, walking over to the driver's side. She set the two giant Slurpee's on the roof of the car, pulling her keys out when they were secured. "I got you a Slurpee Bells. Rose didn't want one," she said, opening the door.

"Fine by me. What flavour?" I slid in the door I had opened, waiting for Alice and Rose to do the same. I saw Rose chuck all the candy in the backseat, making me laugh at how ridiculous we were. We were acting like guys for Christ's sake! "By the way...this is so fucking awesome," I said to Rosalie. Alice passed me in one of the Slurpee's and I took a sip, noting that it was Blue Raspberry – my favourite.

"What's awesome?" Rosalie asked. "That we're eating our weight in this shit?" My eyebrows shot up into my hairline, astounded at hearing her swear. I glanced over to Alice and she was laughing hysterically, holding her sides. I couldn't help it...I laughed too. Soon all three of us were sitting in the Porsche, laughing because Rosalie said 'shit'. I was the first one to calm down, and when I did I noticed the other two were still laughing, tears streaming down their faces.

"Oh god..." I said, wiping under my eyes. "I haven't laughed this much in a while." I was trying to sound upbeat about this fact, but my tone betrayed me, making me sound depressed. Alice almost instantly stopped laughing, and Rosalie was beginning to calm down too.

"Bella I meant what I said at the party," Alice said, her watery blue eyes staring right at me. I faced forward in my seat and crossed my arms.

"I know Alice," I said, pursing my lips. It really didn't help my situation that people kept telling me to ditch Edward. "But I can't...I can't just leave." Rosalie stuck her head in between the two seats.

"Are you talking about your boyfriend? What's his name..._Ed_...?" She kept trying to sound out Edward's name, making me laugh a little.

"Edward," I said.

"Edward..." She repeated, making sure she said it correctly. "I think he's been through something terrible," Rosalie said, earning a dramatic head turn from me.

"What?" I asked. The woman never ceased to astound me with what she said.

"The way he acts. He's trying to hide something. He doesn't act the way he should," Rosalie said, making me stare at her like an idiot.

"Wh...I mean how do you know that?" I asked her, my mouth feeling considerably dry from how dead-on she was. Maybe she wasn't just perceptive of Emmett, maybe it was all people.

"I can tell by the way he acts," she said with a shrug. "I can see that he means to do more...but simply can't. He struggles Bella." I looked over to Alice who was just as stunned as I that Rosalie was so fucking perceptive when it came to the guys of Forks.

"Talk about a sixth sense," Alice muttered with a nervous laugh. I nodded, still dumbly staring at Rosalie. She could tell all of this by just reading Edward's body language. I guess I always knew that he carried himself differently, but always assumed it showed the opposite. I always saw him as having a 'hard as a rock' exterior, not showing anyone the real him. Apparently Rosalie could see right through it. It absolutely floored me that she could tell that much from him when he was trying to hide who he really was. I had to admit, he put on a good show.

Alice started the car when Rosalie had blushed and sunk back into her seat. She pulled out of the small convenience store just inside Forks and began making her way to her house. I played absently with the hem of my shirt, thinking about the things Rosalie had said. My thoughts eventually drifted to my shirt, and this morning.

"Fuck!" I said, causing Alice to slam on the brakes.

"What?" She asked, looking over to me.

"Damn sorry...it wasn't that big a deal. But do you mind going to Edward's quick? I forgot my bag there," I said, making a funny face. I had left my bag with my clothes in it sitting on the floor by Edward's door.

"But your bag's in the back?" Alice said quizzically. I laughed nervously, raking my hand through my hair.

"Not my school bag. I...slept there last night," I said, watching as Alice's hands tightened on the steering wheel. She really hated everything he was putting me through. She had told me before that it wasn't a good idea for me to keep putting up with his shit.

"You slept at his house?" Rosalie asked from the back. I nodded.

"Yeah...I do that a lot," I said to her. "So can we please go there quickly?" Alice rolled her eyes but conceded. She started heading in the direction of the Cullen's house. It only took us a few minutes before we were there, heading up the narrow and winding driveway leading up to the mansion they called a house. I thanked her and told her I'd be back in a minute before getting out of the car. I sprinted up the stairs and pressed the doorbell a few times. I waited, until I finally heard someone on the other side of the door.

"Bella?" Edward said. His tone was almost depressing, but when he said my name he sounded thankful that it was me knocking on the door. Without missing a beat he wrapped both arms around me, crushing me into a hug. I felt the air leave my lungs as he held me tightly to him, burying his face in my hair. I snaked my arms around his neck, unsure as to the grand show of affection he was giving me. I didn't care – I would take what he would give.

"Are you okay?" I asked, letting him set me back on the ground. He still wouldn't let me out of the safety of his arms. He looked down to me with eyes that were tired looking. They were also bloodshot...very, very bloodshot. If I didn't know any better I would say that he had been crying. _Never _had I seen Edward cry in my life.

"I...honestly? No, I'm not," he admitted, studying my face. I searched his face as well, looking for something that told me he was going to spill something to me. While his eyes were tired and bloodshot they had a distance to them. It was like he was miles away, thinking of something else. I could tell that whatever it was that was bothering him would most likely be something he wouldn't want to talk about. It crushed my spirit to realize I wasn't going to push him – but he seemed almost depressed. At what, I wasn't sure and at this point and this rate, I wasn't sure I'd ever know.

"You don't have to tell me," I said to him, hating the fact that I wanted the complete opposite of what I was telling him. I wanted him to tell me. I wanted him to pull me in the house and drag me up to his room. I wanted him to sit me there and tell me everything. I wanted him to spill his fucking guts. I wanted to know why he was the way he was, and what had happened to him. I wanted to know why he acted like nothing in the world was ever bothering him. I wanted to know why he was acting like this now.

"Sorry," he said, sighing in what I assumed was frustration. He let me go, out of his arms, and stood almost awkwardly. He waved and smiled nervously at someone behind me. I turned around and Rosalie was waving from the window of the Porsche. I smirked at her.

"I just came to get my bag," I said, turning back around to him.

"I didn't ask," he said, shutting the door behind us. I slipped off my shoes and looked up to him, furrowing my brows. I'm here for thirty seconds and he's already being a jerk. "I didn't mean it like that..." He said, watching as my face contorted. "I mean...you don't have to give me a reason as to why you came over. You're always welcome." My face instantly smoothed of the creasing lines, shocked by his words. He was being really...polite.

"Oh...okay. I just thought I'd let you know why I'm randomly showing up," I said with a shrug. He gave me a tight smile and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm glad you're here," he said with a sigh. My heart did a flip in my chest, making me smile inwardly. "How's your night been?" He asked, walking over to the stairs. Again I smiled on the inside because he was actually making some sort of conversation.

"It was fun," I said, following him as he began the ascent. "We went shopping. Rose and Alice bought dresses." When we got to the top he turned around and watched me walk up the last few steps.

"Why'd they buy dresses?" He asked with a raised brow, turning to walk to his bedroom. Again I followed him.

"Uh, some Winter Formal apparently," I said, watching as he walked in and turned on the light. I ambled in after him and found my bag in the same place I had left it. I leant down and picked it up, securing it over my shoulder. Edward hitched himself to the wall, looking down at me.

"Did you buy a dress?" He asked me. I shook my head, giving him a funny look.

"You know me and dancing," I said, which was a bit of a fib. I did hate to dance, but the real reason I didn't buy a dress was because I knew he wouldn't want to go anyways. He smirked a little at my comment, but still looked horribly depressed.

"You'd most likely take my toes off," he said, shifting his eyes to the ground. He cleared his throat semi-awkwardly. "Bella...if you want to go...we can go," he said, his eyes gradually meeting mine. My eyes widened...why was everyone absolutely flooring me today? Was it something in the air?

"Uh...well I know you – Edward we don't have to," I said, really unsure as to what I should respond with. I sort of did want to go, it was my senior year. Winter Formal would likely be the most exciting school event I'd partake in this year. I had completely missed Junior Prom last year – something I actually _wanted _to go to. That had been the second time Edward had broken up with me. Or rather I broke up with him. It was right around the time of his birthday, and we were fighting a lot. It just wasn't a good time for us. But we had gotten back together like three days later...as always.

"But if you want to...we can go," he said, his voice wavering. He wasn't sure of himself right now. I knew it wasn't really something he wanted to do; he was just doing it to make _me _happy. I rested my head against the wall and tried to hide the intense smile that was coming onto my face.

"Are you asking me to the Winter Formal?" I asked him, biting a little on my lip. The way we were acting – nervous and shy – was so grade nine. It made me smile. It was so innocent and light, but couldn't have been more the opposite. The left side of Edward's mouth curled up ever so slightly into a subtle grin.

"Would you like to go?" He asked, bringing his hand up from his side. He swept the hair off my shoulder, tucking a strand behind my ear absently. I think I blushed at him. My cheeks felt hot, probably turning a subtle shade of pink. He smiled now, showing his perfectly straight row of teeth.

"I take that as a yes," he said, bending down to kiss my heated skin. I nodded my head against his as he kept kissing the side of my face. _Oh god. _His kisses trailed down my jaw, making me tilt my head unthinkingly, like I always did. He unhitched himself from the wall and took a step towards me, moving his hand to my shoulder. He didn't stop kissing my neck as he took the bag off my shoulder and set it back down on the ground.

"Edward...stop," I said, putting my hands against his chest. Alice and Rosalie were waiting for me. I didn't come here to fool around and leave again – I came to get my bag. The horrible thing though, was that I was rapidly losing my inhibitions. They disappeared with the snap of a finger around Edward. "Rose...and Alice..." I said, trying to explain myself. It really wasn't working. "They're...Edward – they're waiting." I gasped. He began nipping at the side of my neck, lifting the fabric of my shirt with his fingers. Oh fuck me.

"They can wait," Edward said, darting his tongue out to graze my earlobe. A shiver ran through me, making my knees buckle. I gripped onto his hips, making sure I didn't fall. Why did I do that? How stupid am I? I knew that his chest and his stomach and his hips were among my favourite places on his body. Hell...I loved the whole thing. I wasn't helping myself at all. I began panting, my fingers rubbing small circles on his hips bones. _Come on Bella...pull yourself together, you're still mad at him you know. _I shook my head. That's true. I was still mad at him.

"Edward seriously," I said to him, my voice stronger this time. "I need to go." I heard him groan into my neck before he pulled away.

"Fuck..." He said, his lips pouting. I bit my lip to stop from lunging at his mouth with mine. "Fine, go," he said, letting my waist go. I rolled my eyes.

"You're seriously going to get pissed because I have to go?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Just upset. I missed you..." He said shyly. I couldn't help but let a stupid grin cross my face. "And what you started in the car...Bella I can't stop thinking about it," he said, making the heat in my stomach increase. Typical hormonal teenage boy.

"This morning wasn't good enough for you?" I asked playfully. He shook his head. "Excuse me?" I asked, pretending to be utterly shocked. I smacked the side of his arm, trying to suppress a smile.

"No!" He said, shaking his head. "Why is everything coming out wrong today? I mean...yes it was good...but I could still go for another round...or six," he said with a sexy smirk. Oh god...fine, take me. Now. _What the fuck Bella? Alice...Rosalie? Any of this ring a bell? _"Couldn't you?" Edward asked, his voice impossibly low and delicious. He knew what he was doing, the jackass. I bit my lip, nodding my head a little as I watched his lips. They were red and moist, looking perfectly smooth. When his lips found mine I whimpered, not even knowing how the hell I gave up so easily. His tongue was begging to enter my mouth, dancing around the outside of my lips. Who was I to say no? I pressed my tongue against Edward's; curling my fingers into his hair like it was second nature. I felt his arms constrict around my waist as he hoisted me up off the floor. Again, like second nature, I wrapped my legs around him, securing him to me by clasping my ankles together behind his back.

He firmly but gently pressed me up against his wall, the place I always seemed to end up. I didn't mind it, I actually enjoyed it. His hips ground into mine, showing me just how aroused he really was. I was able to feel him through his jeans, and mine, making me quiver at the mere thought of him. I really never got over just how generous god had been while creating the man whose tongue was nearing the back of my throat.

"Bella?" I heard Rosalie's voice call. My eyes opened instantly. What the hell was she doing in here?

"Yo Edward man, you in here?" I shot my head to the left, and Edward set me on the ground right before Emmett popped his head in the door. Emmett came in with Rose behind him.

"Sorry, I was just getting my bag," I said, picking it up off the floor. We were so fucking obvious it wasn't even funny. It doesn't take someone ten minutes to grab a damn bag. I looked to Rosalie and she was wearing the same expression she had on earlier – shock and amusement. Damn she was a perceptive one.

"God took you long enough Coop. You get lost or something?" Emmett asked with a laugh. Edward actually chuckled back and ran a hand through his hair nervously. He most likely hated that he was so vulnerable right now, like he had been earlier. He always said with me he was a different person, more open. He couldn't be like that around others so he probably felt like he was exposed.

"You never know, the house is a mansion Emmett," I replied, grinning. Edward quickly ushered everyone out of his room, not really liking when people were in it. He always thought of it as his space, he liked his privacy – clearly. We all went back downstairs and Emmett kissed Rosalie on the cheek again to say goodbye. I thought it was adorable how much she blushed at him when he did that to her. I had completely forgotten that I still needed to talk to her about him.

Before I left Edward hugged me, and kissed me, in front of Rosalie and Emmett. While he wasn't making much progress with the whole 'in public' thing, he was making it elsewhere. Slowly but surely. He was more comfortable around our friends, but only slightly. It wasn't some grand kiss like earlier; it was small and satisfying enough for me. I told him I would call him later and gave him a smile before I left out the door. Rosalie was quiet on our way to the car, most likely still blushing. She had it bad for Emmett, and only after two days.

"Isabella," Alice said in a scolding tone. I buckled my seatbelt once I was in the Porsche.

"Yes mother?" I asked. My mood was a little giddy for some strange reason.

"Please tell me you didn't have yourself a quickie in there," she said pleadingly, looking over to me. Rosalie popped her head in between the two seats again and made me want to keel over in laughter.

"What's a quickie?" Rosalie asked. God...I loved her. She was absolutely amazing. Alice laughed her loud, wind chime laugh, while I just smiled. I couldn't help but smile at Rosalie all the time. She was so awesome. She didn't know any of our slang, making her too funny.

"It's...uh. It's when you have a quick round of sex," I said to her. Her eyebrows went up to her hairline and she gently smacked my shoulder.

"Tsk, tsk, Bella. You're too young," she said. I pulled back from her and looked into her face.

"_I'm _too young?" I asked. "You're the same age?" Her face stayed the same.

"Exactly. I've never had sex before," Rosalie said. I just stared at her...just stared. What the hell else was I to do at this point? I thought I got the gist of who she was as a person and here she goes today and fucks that all up. She was a virgin? Wh...how in the hell?

"Whoa!" Alice said, throwing her hands up. "You...you're a virgin?" Alice asked Rosalie.

"Yes?" Rosalie said, like that was the only answer that was appropriate.

"Why?" I asked. She was beautiful, a clear knockout. She _had _to have guys drooling over her every second of the day. Hell _Emmett _was drooling over her the minute he saw her. When I thought of Emmett I wanted to burst into laughter. Stupid fucker was finally getting what he deserved for being such a womanizer. The chick he's chasing after is a virgin – hallelujah.

"I just want to wait until I'm ready. I want to be in love, and find the right person. I mean...I have had boyfriends. But they've all been such pigs," Rosalie said, her lips pouting. Even better. She was waiting until she was in love. There was _no way _she would budge for Emmett.

"I think that's good Rose," Alice said with a smile. We were both still shocked that she was a virgin, but she had a good point. I was glad that Edward was the person I had lost my virginity to. It was something that was special, something you can only give away once. We were each other's first time, and nothing would change that.

"It's something I believe in. I want it to be meaningful, not something stupid," she said with a shrug. I agreed completely.

"Okay now that that's out of the way," Alice said with a shake of her head. "If no quickie...what the hell were you guys doing?" She asked me. I grinned back at her and played with the ends of my hair. It was like I was telling her about the guy who had finally asked me out on a date. I was being so grade nine.

"Edward asked me to the Winter Formal," I told her. I was grinning like the biggest dumbass ever.

**

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**A/N:** I hope that answered some questions about Edward! I didn't want to give too much away, but it needs to come out sometime :P

What do you all think of Rosalie being a virgin? Or her in general? She is highly OOC...obviously. But let me know! I love to hear everyone's thoughts, I like to please my readers : )

The song quoted at the beginning is Swing Life Away by Rise Against.

The Black Eyed Peas song in the car is Boom Boom Pow (I can't help but like that song...I know...I'm terrible). And the song that comes on after...is left up to the imagination ;) let me know what song you think it could have been?

**Anyways, reviews are just as good as ice cream : )**


	6. Multiple Birthday Presents

**A/N: **Okay, so next chapter loves : )

I put some more Alice in there for good measure, it couldn't hurt right?

Anyways, I haven't got much else to say. But thanks for the reviews so far! You guys are awesome.

One word: LEMONS.

Enjoy!

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"_**Get hot, get too close to the flame**_

_**Wild, open space**_

_**Talk like an open book, sign me up"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I sat on the black leather couch in Alice's room that was more comfortable than my god damn bed, with a spoon in one hand, and the tub of ice cream in the other. I was nearly half done; not caring that Rosalie kept laughing at me because I was eating it like there was no tomorrow. Alice had just put on some movie; I wasn't sure what it was, and Rosalie was lying on her stomach on Alice's bed, facing the couch.

"Alright," Alice said, turning back to us. She bounded over to the couch and took up a spot, collecting her Slurpee from the floor. Mine had been gone a while ago, causing a severe case of brain freeze to occur. "So...who wants to gush first? I'm in much need...but I think you have the most problems Bells." I grinned at Alice and slid the spoon in my mouth, licking it meticulously clean with my tongue.

"Someone else first. I'm sick of listening to my problems. I need someone else's," I said, rolling my eyes. I didn't want to talk about my fucked up relationship with Edward anymore. It was horrible and fantastic, all at the same time. But we were struggling, even if he had agreed to go to the Winter Formal with me. I couldn't wait because I wanted to see how he would act with me that night.

"Alright, me, please. I need to," Alice said, taking a sip of her drink.

"What's up then? I mean, everything going alright with you and Jazz?" I asked, taking another spoonful of ice cream.

"Okay...so Jasper is your brother right?" Rosalie asked. Alice nervously laughed and turned her head in Rose's direction. Hopefully she wouldn't be put off by the fact they were actually step-siblings. I had thought it was weird at first, but was getting used to the idea since they weren't really related.

"Uh...yeah, well technically no. He's my step-brother," she said, scratching the back of her head. She put one finger on her bottom lip and shoved it in her mouth, biting nervously on it. I noticed that it was sort of a habit with her; she always did that when she was nervous.

"Alright...but, I...I thought I saw you kiss him earlier?" Rosalie said. I shot Alice a weird look. Since when were her and Jazz going all public about being together?

"What the hell?" I asked Alice.

"Shit...I didn't think anyone saw that. It was right by his car before he went home after school," she said, blushing a little. "Uh...we're kind of...dating?" Alice said, almost like it was a question.

"What?" Rosalie asked, her voice revealing the amount to which she was shocked. "He's your step-brother, Alice." Alice kept biting her lip, her finger never leaving the bottom one.

"I know Rose. But I...can't help it. He's like my best friend, but he's so much more." I could tell that she was conflicted. She knew liking Jasper as more than a brother and a friend was bound to come with issues. Possibly more issues than Edward and I could ever have. The fact that their parents were married made that a problem all in itself. I felt bad, because I knew that they really liked each other. I could tell. Sometimes I could see Alice looking at Jasper the way I looked at Edward. I just wanted them to be happy, no matter how wrong or weird it might seem from the outside.

"Well...for what it's worth I can tell that he likes you," Rosalie said. "The way he angles himself towards you when he's around you...he doesn't do that with anyone else." Alice took her finger away from her lip and her mouth opened, gaping at the blond, unassuming French girl on her bed.

"Holy shit...you're like...too perceptive for your own good. You could tell that he liked me?" Alice asked. She was right. Rosalie was crazy on body language. She could read people like open books for god's sake.

"Yes. The way he is just so interested in everything you say...I can tell. At first I thought you two were dating, but then you introduced him as your brother. I was...confused," Rosalie said, her brows furrowing. I smirked and took another spoonful of ice cream, getting a large glop of caramel.

"Well...we kind of are dating. I don't really know how to explain it. It's gotten a little strange lately," she said. She returned her finger to her lip and chewed distractedly. I could tell that she wanted someone to ask her about it – she looked almost scared.

"Ali, hun, what's up? Honestly...because this is making me anxious. You biting your lip off is making me nervous. What the hell is going on with you two?" Alice turned back to me and stopped her lip biting, smoothing out her bottom lip with her finger. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her head on the top of her left knee.

"I...uh. Fuck. I think I'm in love with him," she said to me, closing her eyes tightly. She breathed out hard, while I just stared at her. I dropped the spoon in the tub of ice cream and set it on the ground before moving over to go beside her. She was _in love _with Jasper? Like... 'I want to marry you' in love?

"Shit..." I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You mean like...you really love him?" Alice opened her eyes, looking at me like I was retarded.

"Yes I really love him Bella. What did I just say?" She looked utterly confused and irritated by my question. I had a feeling that it wasn't the whole story.

"I don't get your problem Alice...why the fuck are you all pissed and tense because you're in love with him?" She pulled her head off her knee and rubbed her face with the palms of her hands.

"Because I don't know what to do. I mean...the reality of the situation is that he's my brother. He's hot, sexy, funny, and I love him. But he's my step-brother. What would our parents say? I mean...it's fucked up," she said, turning her tortured face back to me. Rosalie was just sitting idly on the bed, watching us as we discussed Alice's problem. Rose didn't know what to say just as much as I did probably. I watched Rose put a piece of liquorice in her mouth before I turned my attention back to Alice.

"I know it's fucked up," I told her honestly. "But...you aren't related. I mean what if it had worked out the other way around? What if you and Jazz had dated first then your parents got married? Would it still be weird then? It's the same thing; just...it worked in reverse." I was trying to put a positive spin on the situation. It really would be awkward and weird if they did decide to tell their parents, especially if they had already had sex. I wasn't sure. I decided I would chance it and ask her.

"Uh...quick question," I said, biting on my lip. "Have you two...you know. Have you had sex yet?" Alice shook her head immediately, sighing in frustration.

"No. I mean...how can we be alone together like that? Jasper's dad barely leaves the house because he can work from home. Like we can be alone together, but I'm sure they'd get suspicious if we were hanging out in one of our rooms with the door closed." I was nodding my head along as she was explaining this to me. It was true, it did kind of suck. Edward and I were never able to fool around at my house because of my psycho mom, and my Edward-hating dad. It was just another reason to spend time at Edward's. Hell...it was more than half the reason I spent time at Edward's.

"I guess that's true," I said, frowning a little. "But you guys have talked about it right?"

"Kind of," she said, scrunching her nose up a bit. "Well...he mostly tells me he wants me, and tells me all the things he'd do to me. Bella, its god damn killing me that we can't be together like that. Now the fact that I've realized I'm in love with him is making it all so much worse." Her voice was afflicted, making me more than upset at the unfortunate situation Alice had found herself in.

"Well you can always borrow Edward's bedroom," I told her with an amused chuckle. I really just wanted her to smile. Seeing Alice this upset and pained was making my chest constrict. It seemed that all relationships lately were taking a turn for the worse. Maybe there was some kind of curse on this fucking town, making all its inhabitants depressed beyond belief.

"Very funny," Alice said mockingly. I shrugged and glanced over to Rosalie who was grinning and shaking her head. She thought I was kidding...I wasn't. "But I could never do that anyways, Bells."

"I know. I just...you're horribly depressing Alice. Stop making this so complicated. I know telling your parents might get awkward as hell. But if you really like Jazz as much as you say you do...there's nothing that should stop you from being with him." Alice's baby blue's met my friendly stare and she cracked a smile – finally.

"You're so right," she said, shaking her head as she smiled. "I know that I have to see where this will lead. The only thing though, is that I don't want it to get all awkward with my mom. She's been my problem lately too." My interest was piqued now, remembering how she had made that comment about parents before.

"Oh right. What's going on with your mom? Are you fighting?" I was completely engrossed with Alice's problems, wanting anything to drown out the fact that I still had severe problems as well.

"She's making me so pissed off!" Alice said, her voice ringing with frustration. "I'm really close with her, and I love her. I tell her everything." I had thought they were close before, and now her confession told me I was right. "She says she can tell when I like someone. When I have a 'love interest'," she said with air quotes. "So a few weeks ago she asked me about it. I panicked. I mean...I can't just be like: 'Oh yeah, I'm in love with your step-son...who's my step-brother and best friend'...and she won't stop bothering me about it. And now we're fighting because she says I'm acting strange and distant." Alice ran both her hands through her hair and looked to the floor.

I felt so bad for her. I knew that trying to hide your feelings for someone was painful, torment even. I had hid my feelings for Edward for months, and it nearly killed me to be so close to him and not be with him like we were a couple. But she had it so much worse. She really had herself in a bad god damn situation.

"Alice...you really should just tell them. Or if you're not ready just give your mom some other guys name and gush everything to her. At least she won't be bothering you anymore. Maybe if she saw how much you liked this guy she wouldn't be completely put off when you actually tell her it's Jasper," I told her. Rosalie sat up on Alice's bed now and crossed her long legs, putting another strip of liquorice in her mouth.

"I think Bella's idea is good," Rosalie said. "It might work out better if you tell your mother." Alice looked back between me and Rose, sticking her finger against her lip again. I leant over and swatted it away. She was making me anxious as hell every time she did that.

"Knock that off," I scolded her. "Just...calm down, Ali. Everything will work out, I promise. They can't force you not to be together."

"I know they can't...I'm so confused though. I don't know what Jasper wants...I mean I know he wants me. He's told me enough. But we're both just so scared where this is going. Bells...I've never felt like this before." Alice tucked her short hair behind her ears and started shaking. I scrambled over so I was right next to her and wrapped my arms around her small, shivering frame.

"Alice, sweetie. Don't be scared," Rosalie said, getting up off the bed. I could hear Alice sobbing into my shoulder, watching Rose as she came over to us.

"I can't...not – be scared," Alice said, wiping at her face with her sleeve. "I don't want to lose him." I rested my cheek against the top of Alice's head and let a few tears escape my eyes. I knew _exactly _what she meant. We were sort of in the same fucked up proverbial boat.

"I know what you mean," I said to her with a sniffle.

"I'm sorry Bells," Alice said to me with a cough. "I feel bad for telling you to leave Edward. I think I know what you mean now, about not being able to leave him. How much it would kill you." Alice's saddened eyes searched my face, watching as I cried with her. Rose had taken up a spot on the floor and was soothingly rubbing Alice's leg.

"It would kill me," I said to her, wiping my cheeks clear of the tears. "It's the same thing with Jasper isn't it?" She nodded her tiny head slowly, biting down on her lip. She swiped under her eyes again and fanned her face with her hand. She opened her mouth to say something when someone knocked on the door. Alice whipped her head around and frantically dried under her eyes, telling whoever it was to come in.

Jasper opened the door, hair slightly dishevelled, a look of surprise coming onto his face when he saw the three of us in here.

"Sorry..." He said, resting his head against the door frame. His brows furrowed when he met Alice's eyes. "Are...are you okay?" He asked hesitantly. Alice composed herself and nodded.

"I'm good," she said with a smile. "We're just watching a sad movie." She pointed to the T.V and I finally looked to it. I hadn't even known what was playing for the last twenty minutes. I smirked when I saw the movie; it was The Notebook. It was sappy as hell, and one that I always cried at the end of. The way they both just loved each other more than anything was too adorable. I loved how he had stayed with her all those years in hopes that she would remember him, even if it was only for a brief amount of time.

"You always cry," Jasper said, staring so lovingly at Alice. I felt almost like Rose and I were intruding on something. They way they looked at each other was so intense it made me want to look away – so I did. I looked at Rose, who was looking at something on the floor. I followed her eyes and found that she was looking at my melted tub of ice cream. Fuck.

"Oh no," I said, picking up the sad, soupy bucket of caramel and vanilla ice cream.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Jasper said. I looked up to him, noting that he seemed a little awkward in the doorway.

"Don't be stupid Jazz. We're just talking and watching a movie," I said, picking the sticky spoon out of the bucket.

"Okay good," he said. "Can...I come in for a sec?" I looked to Alice and then to Jasper. He walked in and shut the door, coming over to the couch. He sat down on the arm of it, where Alice was sitting, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She sat up on her knees and leant into him, smiling a little at me when she was in his arms. I smiled and looked back to my ice cream. I was sad that I wasn't going to be able to enjoy the rest of it. Rosalie began laughing at me and I smirked at her, setting the tub on the ground.

"I guess my ice cream's gone," I said sadly. Jasper chuckled, and I looked behind me to find him massaging Alice's shoulders, making all of her tears and tension float away. I smiled and turned my back to them, motioning to Rose to come with me. We went over to Alice's bed and lay down on our stomach's, turning our attention to the movie. I wanted to give them some alone time, even if Rose and I were here. I focussed my attention on the movie, tuning out the faint conversation I could hear taking place between Alice and Jasper.

It was at the part when they're all happy and smiles; loving life and each other, just being in the moment. Right before everything gets fucked, and they end up losing each other in a huge mess of crap. It's bullshit, really. Why were all relationships doomed to fail? Why was mine with Edward so complicated? Why did I want to rip my hair out every time I thought about my boyfriend?

"Bella, can I ask you something?" Rosalie asked from beside me. I angled my head to her, remembering that I needed to talk to her about Emmett still.

"Right...about Emmett?" I asked. She relaxed her head on her hand, propped up by her elbow, and sighed.

"Yes," she said, her eyes dulling as she frowned.

"Alright Rose," I said, sitting up a bit. "I'm going to tell you the truth because I like you. You're nice and cool, and you deserve to know what he's really like." Rosalie sat up with me now and crossed her long legs again, resting her hands on the bed space next to her.

"Okay, I think I'm ready," she said with an unsure smile.

"He's...do you know the word womanizer?" I asked her. She furrowed her brows.

"Like the Britney Spears song?" She asked. I scratched at my temple, the one that was still hurting from Jessica, and nodded.

"Yeah. So you know what it means?" She ran her fingers through her hair and flipped it out of her face.

"Emmett is like that?" She asked with a frown. I really hated myself for doing this.

"Yes," I said with regret. "But...he's been weird today. Did you see what he was wearing?" I asked her. She cocked her head to the side and looked behind me, as if she were in a daze.

"He looked fabulous," Rosalie said dreamily. I put a hand over my mouth to stop from laughing. I can't believe he actually impressed her with that ridiculous get-up he had been wearing.

"You know he wore that to impress you, right?" I asked. She snapped her eyes back to mine and a small grin was tugging at the sides of her mouth.

"Really?" She asked. I nodded.

"He never wears anything like that. I was surprised he owned something like that actually," I said, chuckling as I remembered seeing him this morning. "Rose I think he likes you, a lot." She blushed and dropped her head.

"I like him too," she said, raising her face to me again. She was blushing so fiercely at me, I wanted to laugh. "I don't know how I like him so much so fast. He's just really funny and he's so cute Bella." I had to laugh now, she called Emmett cute. "I just...I'm afraid, sort of."

"What are you afraid of?" I asked, looking at the bed sheets. I saw a package of gummy worms sitting close by and I picked one up, stuffing the end of it in my mouth.

"I'm not too sure. I don't want to just be...another...I don't know how to say it. _Juste une autre encoche sur sa ceinture._" I stared at her...stunned. I hadn't heard her actually speak French before, and it made her voice flow that much more beautifully. I hadn't a clue what she had meant though. I had stopped taking French in grade nine. I think she said 'just another' at the beginning...the rest is...well, French to me.

"Honestly Rose...no clue what you just said there," I said to her, giving her a helpless arm shrug. She clasped her hands together in her lap and stared down, having some sort of struggle within herself.

"I mean... I don't know how to say it. I don't want to just be some meaningless thing to him. I want it to be more. I want to actually _date _him," she said, sounding out the word date. I watched Rosalie's eyes brim with hope, only to be shot down with the look I was giving her. This really sucked. Emmett didn't date. The only person he'd ever dated was Lauren, and that was only so he could fuck her. After they had done it for about a month he ditched her and went on to someone new. It was just the way he worked. He never acted like a total dick, because he was awesome, but he had made his way through the town these past few years.

"Rose...I told you before. I can tell that he likes you. You just have to give him a chance, maybe let him show you who he is. Maybe that person is changing?" I wasn't lying to her; I was being honest to god truthful. I could see that he was a different person. He dressed in American Eagle for Christ's sake? We were talking about Emmett here. He was different, changing; all because of her. It made me grin that such a small change in Emmett was already visible. It was easy to see. I just wished that Edward's progress would hurry the fuck up, because I had been waiting for two years to hear the truth, even if we had only decided yesterday to try something different.

"I like him too," Rose said, the blush creeping back up on her cheeks. I smirked at her and turned back around to the couch, to find Alice and Jasper not there. I turned the other way, and found them at the door to the bedroom. Alice stepped up on the tips of her toes and still wasn't anywhere close to Jasper's face. So he leant down to meet her halfway and kissed her; it the most adorable thing I had seen – ever. It was odd how their connection was unsettling to me, like it was too intense and passionate to interrupt. I constantly wanted to look away, to give them privacy. Again I turned my head, looking back to Rosalie who was watching them as well.

I heard the door to the room close and within seconds Alice was crawling on the bed, over to where we were sitting. She sat on her ass and crossed her legs, smiling widely at the both of us.

"So...what'd I miss?" She asked cutely. I shook my head, trying to hold in my laugh.

"What'd you miss? What'd _we _miss?" I asked, smirking at her. She curled in her lip and bit on it.

"He knew I wasn't crying from the movie," Alice admitted in a small voice. "He can always tell apparently. He's so strange like that. He always knows what I'm feeling, it's like he's in tune with me or something. It's odd...anyways I told him what was wrong; that I was scared to tell our parents. He said we'd talk about it...which makes me so relieved. So tomorrow we're going out for dinner, to talk about everything."

"Are you going to tell him that you're in love with him?" I asked her. She took her lip back in her mouth after putting her finger there and shrugged.

"I don't know," she mumbled against it. "I want to...but it's just...so complicated. Like we've said I love you...but just as brother and sister. Since we've been 'dating' we haven't said it. It's making me anxious."

"I think you should tell him," Rosalie said. Alice's finger left her lip but she still bit on the bottom one, making it almost turn white.

"You think?" She asked, her face dripping with confusion and uncertainty. Rosalie nodded at her and smiled.

"Yes. I think it would be better to admit to each other how you feel. Then tell your parents. That way you know how the other feels." Rosalie's reasoning was perfect, she was absolutely right. It made more sense to do that rather then tell their parents first. Alice sighed in something I thought was relief. She smiled and combed her fingers through her hair.

"Thanks you guys...I really needed this," she said, motioning between the three of us. She leant in and gave Rosalie a hug, before turning to me. "Really Bells...thanks." She wrapped her arms around my neck and I reciprocated, placing mine around her waist.

"It's really nothing Ali," I assured her, releasing from the hug. Her eyes were now alight with a new hope, realizing she wasn't going to give up without a fight.

"I have to thank you too Bella," Rosalie said. She leant in and hugged me now, making me smirk at the both of them. It was like I was some sort of relationship consultant...or doctor. The Love Doctor. Did I have 'Hitch' tattooed across my forehead or what? I just shrugged it off and accepted the fact that I could help my friends when they needed me.

"Alright. So now that we're all good, what about you?" Alice asked me. I let go of Rose and actually laughed at her. My problems began here and ended in the middle of next year, we would be here forever.

"No clue," I said honestly. "I have too many problems to count anymore..."

I literally spent the next hour talking...constantly. Alice and Rose would throw in the odd question or comment, but on my part I felt like an annoying Suzy-talks-a-lot that the batteries hadn't run out of yet. I was rambling on and on and on, about Edward mostly. I rambled about my parents at length as well, and a few minutes were spent on Newton. Alice had been rendered speechless when I told her about Mike's stunt he pulled today, and laughed when I told her I'd slapped him.

After I had successfully talked myself bored I decided it was time to go home. It was close to eleven and I'm sure Renee was bound to call anytime wanting to know where the fuck I was. I got up off my comfortable position on Alice's bed and the three of us reluctantly headed back to Forks High to get Rose's car. We let her out and made sure she was in her own car before taking off again because Alice was driving me home. Her house was closer to mine than Rose's was.

When we got to my house I could see a dim light filtering through the living room window, casting a triangle pattern on the small porch. I thanked Alice for the night and grabbed my bags before heading up to the door. I opened it cautiously once I was up the steps and walked in, hoping to god it was my mother that was still awake. I had to have the fucking worst luck in the world; of course it would be Charlie.

"That you Bella?" Charlie's stern voice asked from the living room. I didn't hesitate before taking my shoes off and heading for the stairs.

"Yeah dad, night," I said, trying my hardest to bee-line it to my room. He wasn't having it.

"Don't you walk away Bella," Charlie said. I could hear that his voice was closer and stopped midway up the stairs.

"What do you want?" I asked with annoyance. I looked down to him, to his tired eyes and face, his messy hair, and his wrinkled plaid shirt.

"Where have you been all night?" He asked, the stern, fatherly look coming onto his face. He only wanted to know so he could yell at me for it. What else did he ever do lately?

"I went shopping, like I told mom. Then I went to Alice's," I said, calculating each word I said with precision. I was trying to give him as little space as possible for scrutiny, but he always managed to find a way to do so no matter what.

"Why do you always feel the need to be out of the house? Can't you ever just stay home?" Is he fucking kidding me right now? Honestly...

"Why in the hell would I want to stay here?" I asked with a raised voice. He had to be joking. Why would I want to stay in this annoyingly neat, boring house with him and Renee? "I've been here for the past week anyways. I don't see why you care." I turned my heated face from him and continued up the stairs, to my room. I needed to cool down, before I said something I would regret. I fought with Charlie almost on a daily basis, and always felt like I wanted to strangle him and call him hideous and horrifying things. So far I hadn't, and I didn't want to break down and start doing that now.

I closed the door to my room and locked it, flinging both my bags on the floor before hurling myself onto the bed. I forced my eyes shut; trying to drown out the anger I was feeling. Who was he kidding? He wanted me to spend more time home with my family? _What fucking family?! _That's what I would like to know. My anger was still rolling off of me so I decided to take a shower. The hot water seemed to be calling my name, taunting and teasing me from the bathroom. I grabbed my towel and turned off my light before going into the horribly small bathroom located to the left of my bedroom door.

Another reason I liked Edward's: he had his own bathroom; his own _big _bathroom. It was fully equipped with a beautiful granite sink, marble floors, and a wide glass shower stall that was big enough to fit two people more than comfortably. My bathroom was the complete opposite, and most times made me want to hurt myself because I had to share it with both my parents. As if living with the fact that they constantly bugged the shit out of me wasn't bad enough, they had to always come in here and invade my own personal time to brush their teeth or whatever it is they did. Because of this I had made it a habit the past few years to lock the door to the bathroom, to prevent any interruption of the only time I ever had _away _from them when I was home.

I spent my much needed twenty minutes in the shower, just letting the hot water soak up all my worries and cares. I felt relaxed, at ease even. I wanted to feel like this all the time, with nothing but school or my parents to bother me. Having my mystery of Edward Cullen disappear would make my life so much easier, really. If I just knew what he was hiding...who he really was...I wouldn't be so stressed out about my life. I would be able to take a breather every once in a while, and have Edward in my life as someone that took away all my problems, not someone who created them.

**e.p.o.v**

I searched the lot for Mike's car. Surely that ridiculously unnecessary Suburban his parents bought him would be visible from here...no? I searched again, but the stupid fuck wasn't here yet. I leant up against the Volvo, my mood not the greatest. I wanted to be on my best behaviour today though, I _needed _to be. Today is Bella's birthday.

I had sent Emmett ahead to get Bella this morning so I could get here earlier than usual. I needed to talk to Mike because Bella was stuck working this afternoon, and that just wasn't an option right now. I wanted her seventeenth birthday to be special, and I wanted to actually go out with her tonight – to surprise her. I couldn't do that if she was working though. So I wanted to see if Mike had it in him to let Bella have the night off.

I waited another few minutes before Mike's car finally pulled into the lot. He parked far away from me, most likely remembering all the times this past week that I had shot him my angrier than usual death stares. He had told my girlfriend he loved her? Who the fuck does that? Of course I was pissed off. But I knew that Bella loved me and didn't care about Mike, so I couldn't be too mad. I watched as Mike started heading for the stairs that were conveniently close to my car. I unhitched myself from the door when he got close.

"Hey, Mike," I said to him. He stopped abruptly and turned to me, looking at me like I was going to take his head off. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" He furrowed his brows.

"Uh...about what?" He asked, taking a small step closer.

"Bella," I informed him curtly. His face paled, making me want to laugh. It was almost too much fun watching him squirm. "Today's her birthday." Mike nodded.

"I know that," he told me. His tone was bitter and sullen.

"Would it be possible for her not to go in to work tonight?" I asked him. He readjusted his book bag on his shoulder and shrugged.

"I don't think that will happen," he said to me, his tone lighter now. Stupid fuck...he knew he'd get to spend the entire night with her.

"Why not?" I asked, my jaw tensing.

"She's the only one we have for tonight, nobody else can work it," he said with confidence.

"That's bullshit," I said to him, trying my damn hardest to subdue my anger. Around Mike it seemed to amplify a hundred times more than when I was around anyone else. Something about him just made me want to hit him. Maybe it was how much he liked Bella, and how much he knew it was pissing me off that I wasn't going to get my way because of him.

"Its true man, sorry," he said, not sounding apologetic in the least. I clenched my fists at my sides and breathed out deep.

"Fine, thanks so much for your help," I spat, leaning back on the Volvo. He walked away without another word, leaving me to my angry thoughts. Well there go my plans for the rest of the night. Fuck.

I waited in the parking lot for another ten minutes for Bella and Emmett to get here. They were taking a bit longer than I had expected, making me wonder what in the hell they were doing. I was about to call Bella to see where they were when I saw the Jeep. It was coming in behind some old, rusty red truck that looked like it was going to fall apart. I unhitched myself from the Volvo and waited for them to get to me. The red truck was still leading the Jeep over to me, and when it got close enough I could see the person behind the steering wheel. It was Bella.

She pulled into the spot next to the Volvo and killed the engine. She collected her things inside the cab before getting out and locking the doors.

"Bella? What the hell is that?" I asked her when she came to my side.

"My birthday present!" She said excitedly. I actually laughed. I was happy that she finally had a car, but this was a piece of crap.

"They got you a car?" I asked quizzically.

"Well it's not like it cost them much. It's an old piece of junk from my dad's friend. He didn't need it anymore and sold it to my dad for cheap. So it's mine," she said with a glowing smile. I grinned at her, and looked down to her after peeling my eyes away from the truck.

"Hey," I said to her to get her attention. She looked up to me and was still smiling. "Happy Birthday." I clenched my hands into fists again before releasing them, and wrapping my arms around her shoulders. She snaked hers around my waist and hugged me back, fitting perfectly into my side. I kissed the top of her head then, getting a delicious waft of her strawberry shampoo. I closed my eyes and inhaled, basking in her scent. I kept kissing the top of her head, losing myself in her smell and the feel of her skin on my fingers as I brushed them along the side of her neck. I eventually trailed a kiss to her temple, the one that was now healed, and kept kissing the side of her face. Her hold tightened on my waist and I moved my lips to her nose, feeling it scrunch up ever so slightly when I placed a kiss right on it.

I opened my eyes, looking into her peaceful face as her eyes were closed as mine had been. I shouldn't have opened them though because now I was back to reality. I pulled my lips away from her soft skin and glanced around, noting that some people were staring at us. Emmett was standing to my right, against the Jeep, with Rosalie by his side. Where the hell had she come from? I wasn't sure, but now I was sketching out, hardcore. I felt Bella's hands rubbing up and down on my back and I looked down to her, my face conflicted. I hated that people were watching me, it was making me uncomfortable. Really motherfucking uncomfortable.

Bella bit her lip and her brown eyes were sad, knowing that I had been so close to actually kissing her. The past week I hadn't kissed her again at school, only on the cheek. It was too much. I had almost completely lost myself just now, only from smelling her? If I kissed her...like really kissed her...there's no telling what I would do.

"Edward..." Bella said to me, looking down to her feet before her eyes met mine again. "It's my birthday." I just stared at her, and furrowed my brows, waiting for her to continue. "Can I ask for something?" My heart quickened its pace in my chest, already knowing what she was going to ask for. "Kiss me?" My fingers tensed from the spot on her shoulders at her request.

I didn't want to be a dick. I had to be good to her, it was her birthday. It's like I was being asked to jump off a bridge, not kiss the girl I had kissed for the past two years. Why was I such a fucking moron when it came to utterly small things like this?

I moved my hands to her face, cupping one of her cheeks in each. I watched as her lips parted and her breathing accelerated. I felt the same happening to me. Her hold was still tight around my back as I lowered my face to hers, and pressed my lips against her soft, smooth, red ones. I felt her push against my face more, realizing she must have stepped up on her toes to do that. Her smell and taste, as well as the heated electric feel of her skin, was making me quiver. I was losing it.

Her small tongue brushed along my lip, all soft and moist, asking to enter my mouth. I complied, letting my tongue caress hers in a gentle, continuous motion. I moved one hand around to the back of her head and slid my fingers into her hair, feeling the soft curls float around my fingers delicately. I felt her tongue slip further into my mouth, making me groan at how close to the back of my throat she was. I could feel myself parting with reality, sliding further and further into my Bella-induced coma. She was making me lose all sense of where I was and what I had been doing before I started kissing her. I was beginning to think it didn't matter where we were.

It felt like when we were alone, when there was nothing but me and her; nothing but her fingers, lips, and skin. I was relinquishing all my power to her right now, feeling more and more like I was becoming weak, showing myself for who I really was. But right now we weren't alone, and I could feel the burning stares of the rest of the school on Bella and me as we stood there, my tongue wrestling with hers. It was this thought that made me pull away.

I ended the kiss abruptly. I pulled my fingers out of her hair and my tongue out of her mouth and just stood there, looking down at her with a horrified expression on my face. My breathing was still forceful from being so intimate with her, and because I was now freaking out. She pulled away from me too, watching with concern as I started to back away from her. I ran a hand through my hair, waiting for my breathing to give me a fucking break. I couldn't calm myself down not matter how much I was trying.

"Edward..." Bella said breathlessly. Her tone was airy, telling me she had enjoyed what had just transpired. Hence the reason I was freaking out. It was too much for me to have just kissed her like that in public. I shifted my eyes back to her, looking her up and down, noting that she was wearing a tight pair of jeans, complete with one of her favourite sweaters. It was only half way done up, showing me a sliver of cleavage right above the zipper. I wanted to lunge at her, rip her clothes off with my teeth. Ravage her in the middle of the parking lot. I barely contained myself.

Instead I took a few steps closer and grabbed her again, forcing her lips to meet mine. I heard her whimper before she conceded, letting me take to her like I had been doing a minute prior. Her lips moved with my lips, and I could feel her trying to keep up with the pace I was setting. I wanted her so bad right now it wasn't even funny. The past week we hadn't done much in the way of sex because we kept trying to talk. It of course always failed and we did no more than fight and argue. There had been no make-up sex for the arguments, making me a very angry and horny person.

I wanted to care that people were probably staring and pointing, but I couldn't. All I could care about was Bella, and her tongue and her lips and her body.

I heard the first bell ring just as Bella's fingers started to slink under my shirt, gliding up my bare back. I groaned, hating that we were at school right now. Bella kept kissing me though. She wouldn't let me go. Her tongue kept pressing against mine, and her fingers kept exploring, finding each dip and curve of my back, leaving a burning trail on my skin. I was too far gone at this point to push her away. I wouldn't push her away. But I didn't need to because I felt someone tap on my shoulder a few seconds later.

"Dude...the bell went," I heard Emmett's voice say. Bella's tongue immediately left my mouth, making me feel significantly less complete than I had felt a second earlier.

"I heard it," I grumbled to Emmett. He didn't say anything else, just walked away. I watched him leave with Rosalie up the stairs. I looked back down to Bella; she was smiling at me with the sexiest pair of red lips ever. I bent my head and kissed her again, just light pecks.

"We...should go...to – class," Bella said to me through giggles and kisses. I smirked at her.

"Do you want to go to class?" I asked deviously. I could get her to do anything I wanted at this point. She bit her lip, twirling the fabric of my shirt in her fingers.

"If I say no...what would happen then?" She asked, looking up to me through her god damn lashes. My breathing caught in my throat. Fuck. I moved my mouth to her ear and breathed out, knowing it gave her goose bumps.

"Honestly," I whispered huskily. "I'd probably fuck you silly."

"Promise?" She whispered breathlessly. I pulled back from her and stared into her dark brown eyes as they swirled with lust. I was pretty sure I was looking at her the exact same way. I nodded. She smirked, looking all too sexy as she began walking away from me. She went over to the passenger seat of the Volvo and waited. I unlocked it and watched as she got in the door and shut it. I hastily went over to the driver's side and got in.

"So where are you fucking me senseless then?" She asked, raising her brows. She could make me melt into a puddle of nothing without even trying for fuck's sake.

"My house."

______

Shit. I think I broke the zipper to her favourite sweater.

"Fuck," I said, throwing it on the ground.

"I don't care," she said breathlessly, assaulting my neck again. I grabbed at the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head, breaking her lips away from my skin. She was wearing a blue bra, lacy and perfect. I noticed it had a clasp at the front, something that also made me happy. They were so much easier to undo than the ones around the back. I moved two fingers to the clasp and expertly flicked it open, releasing her supple breasts. Bella sat up a little bit and pressed her bare chest against mine, throwing the bra on the floor.

When her back hit the bed my lips were to hers, not able to explore her mouth fast enough. I heard her whimpering beneath me, her fingers tangling into my hair like she could rip it out if need be. It made me want her that much more. I unzipped her jeans and undid the button, lifting her with one hand while I pulled her pants off with the other. I threw them on the floor and put her back down on the bed, all while her tongue was eagerly pushing against mine. I shoved my hand down in between our bodies and glided my fingers across her abdomen, feeling the fabric of her underwear with my pinkie finger. They hadn't come off with the pants? I growled. I lifted her back up and nearly ripped her panties right off her, throwing them on the ground too. I broke the kiss and set her back down on the bed.

"God you're impressive," she said to me from the bed. I smirked at her.

"You haven't seen the half of it," I remarked smugly.

"Oh...I know," she said, biting her lip. Her hands didn't hesitate before they found my belt, pulling it open in record time. She started to slide them off, encountering some difficulties. I wanted to tease her and taunt her, let her struggle. But I was too eager to do that, I was being tormented enough as it was. I got off her and pulled them down, boxers and all, before crawling back on the bed. She was lying down on it, delicious and naked, both her hands wrapped around the wrought-iron headboard that she always seemed to hit her head on.

She was watching me intently, licking her lips in desire. My eyes were hooded with lust, I felt completely intoxicated by just looking at her. I lifted her right foot from the bed, grinning at her before kissing the inside of it. I felt her toes flex and relax as I kept a hold on her foot, moving my lips along her leg. I kissed the inside of her calf, dragging the kiss along to her knee. The only sound I could hear in the room was Bella's laboured breathing. I'm sure mine was about the same, but her leg was muffling any sound coming from me.

I placed a single kiss right on the inside of her knee, before crawling closer to her and kissing all down the inside of her thigh. I kept licking my lips with every kiss, making sure she could feel the warmth and wetness on her skin in hopes that it was getting her good and wet. I could see goose bumps, and continually felt Bella's body trembling slightly under my kisses. Another few small moist pecks of her thigh and I was to my much awaited destination. I could feel the heat and smell the beautiful aroma that was Bella, making my erection even harder.

I took my lips off her skin and lay down on my stomach, letting my feet hang off the end of the bed. I adjusted myself to get comfortable and threw Bella's right leg over my shoulder, creating a wide open space for me to devour her. I hooked my hands onto her hips and pulled her closer, causing her grasp of the headboard to be lessened. I heard her whimper. I looked up to her through my lashes, seeing the impatience and yearning on her face as she waited for her much awaited birthday present.

Without delay I stroked her with my tongue, feeling her hips responding to the contact. I smiled and kept gliding my tongue up and down, tasting all the wetness her arousal was providing me with. I felt her shaking and heard her moaning as I took the small bundle of nerves between my lips and sucked hard on it.

"Oh...god..." She said, moaning with pleasure. She pushed me to go faster. After a good five minutes of dancing around her clit with my tongue she came, shuddering and screaming – literally screaming. I lapped up all of her excess juices, letting her come down from her orgasm. When she had stopped convulsing I pulled my head from between her legs, letting her right one fall lifelessly to the bed.

I looked up to her and she was putty. She had only one finger hooked onto the headboard now, and her other hand was in her hair, wrapped around strands of her dark, chocolate brown locks. She looked as if she had just competed in a triathlon. Her breathing was erratic, her hair was all over the place, and she was starting to sweat. I loved that I had such an effect on her – that I could make her look like she had just run a 5k simply by eating her out. I felt myself smiling as I kissed her hip bone.

"What are you so damn smug for?" She asked in a satisfied voice. I kissed up her stomach and inched my way up her body, resting my erection right between her thighs, making her breathing catch. I raised a brow at her.

"I have a right to be full of myself," I told her, entwining my fingers with the ones that were attached to the headboard. "I can make you scream bloody murder using my tongue." She closed her eyes and a shiver ran through her body. She hooked a leg around my hip and pushed herself closer to me, making my dick twitch.

"Damn right you can," she said with a smile. I kissed those perfect lips, wanting to thrust right into her.

"I hope the neighbours don't think someone's been murdered in here," I said with a smirk.

"I hope the neighbours can tell the difference between a murderous scream and the scream of someone having the best orgasm of their life." She bit her lip after, moving her hand into my hair and pulling on it. I arched my back, tilting my head at the painful pleasure.

"Best of your life huh?" I asked, opening my eyes. I watched her lips curl up into a smile.

"Oh it's up there," she said, sounding like the most satisfied person in the world. "Happy Birthday to me." Her fingers massaged the back of my head as I rubbed circles with my thumb on the back of the hand I was holding.

"I take it you liked your gift?" I asked, kissing her on the cheek. I felt her nod against my head.

"I did...but I hope you didn't just get me one," she said quietly in my ear. Now I felt myself shudder. I would make her come all day if that's what she wanted. I pulled my lips away from her cheek and gazed into her eyes, still dripping with lust.

"How many do you want?" I asked her, feeling weak as my impatience was starting to get the better of me. She gripped the back of my head tighter.

"I'll let you know when I can't handle anymore," she said to me, her voice incredibly sexy. I nipped playfully at her bottom lip and grinned.

"Then I need to get to work," I said, my voice low and husky. I sat up off of her and pulled her with me. I got onto my knees and backed up, waiting for her to do the same. I knew it was her favourite position. She was on her knees facing the headboard in seconds, curling her fingers around the cold metal again. The vision of her bare ass was divine, and as I squeezed the soft flesh in my hands I loved the fact that it was all mine.

I tapped her right leg, telling her to part her legs for me, and she did. She provided me with ample space to fit both my knees between hers. As I thrusted my hips against her ass I heard her whimper. My erection slid along her dripping and heated center as I used my hand to explore Bella's back. I dipped my hand underneath her, taking her breast in my hand and squeezing firmly. She whimpered again, and pushed against the headboard, sending her ass further into my hips. This was torturing me. I used the hand that wasn't fondling Bella and took a hold of my erection. I placed it at her entrance and waited a fraction of a second before sliding in.

"Fuck..." I said, aimlessly pinching Bella's nipple between my fingers. "You're so tight." I groaned and thrusted into her rapidly, losing every other thought that wasn't about fucking her.

"Really?" She moaned, pushing against the headboard again. I sunk deeper into her, filling her completely. I thrusted harder.

"Yeah," I somehow managed to get out. I couldn't comprehend why she was so tight, but I couldn't find it in me to care, I enjoyed it way too fucking much. It soon became too much for me to reach her chest and fuck her at the same time so I pulled my hand closer, dropping it down to her clit. She moaned when I began circling her, and pushed against the headboard again. I grunted and went faster, both with my hand and my hips.

An hour and a half and six positions later I was done. I was dead tired. I had given her four birthday presents now, and myself three. I was sure that by now someone had called the cops, because Bella's screams while in the throes of passion were entirely too loud for people not to notice. But so far Charlie hadn't shown up, because if he had I would be on the floor with a bullet in my head by now.

"So this is the best birthday ever," Bella said to me, crawling over to where I had died. I was panting, trying desperately to catch my breath. "I love my presents." Her face appeared to my left and I smirked at her. Her hair was a fucking mess, sticking up in eighteen different directions. Her face was covered with sweat and her lips were as red as tomatoes. She looked gorgeous.

"I loved my presents too," I said with a grin. She straddled me then, grinding her hips down onto me. I groaned. She wanted more? I wasn't sure I was up for another round...not this second at least.

"We have time for one more," she said with a sexy smirk. Fuck me, I love you.

"God I love you," I said to her, digging my fingers into her hips. How had I lucked out in finding a sex fiend for a girlfriend? "Just...give me a minute." She ran her hands through her hair and sorted it out, trying to tame the mess on top of her head. She kept rubbing her hips on mine, making sure that when I was ready she would know.

So...An hour and forty-five minutes and seven positions later I was _officially_ done. I had given her five birthday presents, and myself four. I wasn't sure I'd be able to walk. Getting down the two flights of stairs without falling would be a chore all in itself. Bella and I redressed quietly, normally not talking that much after we were done having sex. Most times we would just lie there, enjoying the silence, but we had to get back to school unfortunately.

"So I have to work after school," Bella said with a pout when we were in the Volvo. I slammed my door shut angrily.

"I know," I said through clenched teeth. "Stupid fucker," I mumbled.

"What?" She said to me.

"I fucking asked Newton if you could have the night off and he said no," I said to her, putting the key in the ignition.

"Really?" She said with disappointment. "I was going to ask him and see."

"Well I'm sure he's just too excited to be alone with you for the night. He couldn't give a fuck about what you want," I growled, speeding back towards the school. I was too pissed off for words right now. Mike was the person I hated the most in this town.

"I'm sure that's not it Edward," she said to me assuredly.

"No Bella...that's exactly it. He doesn't care if you have plans with me, he'd rather keep you for himself."

"I have plans with you tonight?" She asked. I glanced over to her, remembering that it was supposed to be a surprise.

"Uh...well I was going to surprise you and...take you to Port Angeles," I said, focussing my eyes on the road. We had never really been out on any sort of date. Not even to the movies. I was going to surprise her with that tonight...but not anymore.

"Edward..." Bella said, her voice sounding weak. I came to a stop sign and looked behind me – there was nobody there. I turned to her and she was crying. "That's so sweet." She wiped under her eyes and smiled, making my heart swell.

"I wanted your birthday to be special...and something you'd remember. Now it won't be," I said sadly, putting my hand to her face. I wiped my sleeve along her cheek, not caring that it was going to get wet.

"I will remember this birthday," she said with a wink. "Can we post-pone our date until tomorrow?" She asked cutely. I grinned.

"Of course," I said, leaning in for a kiss. I heard someone honk behind me and I jumped, putting my foot to the gas pedal. Bella laughed at me as I turned into the parking lot of the school. It was our lunch hour now, and it was halfway done. I pulled into the same spot I had before...the one next to Bella's brand new old truck...the one where we had nearly ripped each other's clothes off in front of the whole school.

I guess I found out what would happen if I _really _kissed Bella in public.

* * *

**A/N:** Love to hear your thoughts on it : )

To those who want more Alice and Jasper – I'm trying. I'm going to put some more of them in next chapter...let you know how their 'dinner' went. But I feel that there's not enough Jasper. I'm trying to work him in...but that over-protective sexy Edward doesn't like him spending time with Bella...hmm?

Any thoughts? Ideas? I was thinking maybe a one-shot of Alice and Jazz. Let me know what you think would be a good idea!

The sentence that Rosalie says in French - '_juste une autre encoche sur sa ceinture' _means 'just another notch on his belt' in English

The song quoted at the beginning is my new favourite song: Gimme Sympathy by Metric.

**Reviews kick Mike Newton's ass : )**


	7. A Step in the Right Direction

**A/N: **Gah, this took me forever. I don't really know why. It was all there, just not typed on my computer. I wish I could just think something up and VIOLA it's there all typed and ready to go.

Since that is not the case I am posting now : )

More JASPER for you guys (it's not a lot, but it was the most I could do). More to come though, don't you worry.

Insanity! This is my longest chapter yet, just over 12,000 words. Holy crow.

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**And it's all too familiar**_

_**And it happens all the time**_

_**All the cards begin to stack up**_

_**Twisting heartache into fine little pieces **_

_**That avoid an awful crime**_

_**But it's you I can't deny"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I sat perched on my permitted stool, the only cashier in the entire store. I could practically hear the crickets chirping away outside as the day turned to night, the sky darkening with clouds of thunder and rain.

"So Birthday Girl, how's your day been?" Mike asked me. I rolled my eyes at the counter, wondering if I should tell him about my day in length. Maybe then he'd back the fuck off and get it through his thick head that I didn't like him.

"Fantastic now that I'm at work," I said sarcastically. "Really Mike. You can't handle this on your own?" He rested his arms on my counter and leaned in, like he always did.

"I can...I just prefer not to. It's boring, if you hadn't noticed." I folded my arms across my chest, anger building up.

"So...you only kept me here so _you _weren't all alone?" I asked, biting on my lip to stop from hurling a string of profanities at him.

"Well not really...I can't be the only person in the store," he said, standing up. He stuck his hands in his pockets, pursing his lips.

"So what's Marcus, chopped liver?" He wouldn't have been the only one in the store. If that was the only thing keeping me here I was going to ditch this place right now.

"Marcus is only until six," Mike said.

"Well your mom is here too?"

"Not later she's not," he replied. He was trying so hard to get me to fucking stay here.

"You're so selfish," I mumbled, sinking back onto the stool.

"Excuse me?" He asked with amusement.

"I said you're selfish," I replied with frustration. "What if I had plans tonight? It's my god damn birthday and you could care a less about what I want. It's all about you and the fact that you can't handle all two customers I've had tonight. That's more than we get in a week!"

"That's not it Bella," Mike said to me, his voice weakened. He was such a moron.

"Whatever, I don't care Mike. Can you just...leave me alone for a while? Actually do me a favour for once?" I was being a bitch, but he was being a dick. He didn't say anything...just walked away.

So right now I was left to sit in this ghost town they called Newton's Sporting Goods, aimlessly staring out the window, going over my day in my head. Despite how much I was upset right now I had loved my day. My birthday presents had been better and more plentiful than last year. I always received the same gift from Edward – gladly. He knew I would punch him if he got me a real present, so the first year we were together he had given me intense pleasure as a gift, which I couldn't say no to. I actually looked forward to getting my present from Edward.

I had received a card from Alice, hand-made, because she's great like that. Emmett had given me my necessary birthday beatings and my bone-crushing bear hug, like always. Rosalie had simply wished me a 'Happy Birthday', and Jasper...had been a no-show. Alice had said something about Port Angeles; I honestly couldn't be sure. I was day-dreaming the rest of the day when Edward and I finally emerged from his bedroom after a very much needed and uninterrupted few hours of bliss. I felt that the incoherency I had experienced for that amount of time was pertinent to my existence.

I heard footsteps coming from behind me and wondered what the hell Mike had to say to me now. He couldn't even give me the one thing I asked of him. _Just fucking go and stock...anything. _I really needed to get another job; this one was boring as hell and made me want to scream.

"The Lonely Cashier," Jasper's voice sang. I swivelled in my seat and grinned widely at my Southern-accented, sandy-haired friend.

"Jazz!" I shrieked, flying off the stool. I ran at him and threw my arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before hugging the shit out of him. "Thanks for ditching on my birthday," I said to him with a playful frown. He chuckled, deep and melodic, squeezing me back. He released me and I returned to the ground, looking up at him.

"Sorry my dear," he said with a grin. "Duty called. Well...co-op called. I had to go to Port Angeles to check out my placement. It was an all-day thing because I had to get the grand tour and whatnot." Jasper always used subtle hand gestures when he spoke, making him seem animated and interested in the things he was talking about.

"Oh right, Alice said something about Port Angeles." I leaned back against the counter as Jasper leant up against the wall. "Where's your placement?"

"Some painting studio. I was afraid they wouldn't be taking any students, but thankfully they took me. It seems like it's going to be sweet," he said with a proud grin. Jasper was an amazing artist; he made me jealous of his talent. I had one of his paintings in my room, it was a simple landscape, but it was filled with Jasper's emotion and hard work.

"That's great Jazz," I said with a smile. "What are you up to now? Got your hot date with the little one?" I glanced outside and noticed the Porsche idling by the doorway. Alice waved at me from inside. I waved back, shaking my head at her.

"Yeah, finally. We've been trying to get out of the house since last week," he said, almost sounding upset. The date that they had planned the day after our 'girl's night' hadn't happened yet. Jasper's dad had some emergency work problem he needed Jazz's help with, effectively ruining their little dinner they had arranged.

"Good," I said, honestly happy that they could finally talk. "I hope you two work everything out, Alice has been walking on glass for weeks Jasper." I watched as he gazed back to Alice, watching her as she stared out the other window, her small chest heaving in time with my own breathing.

"I know she has," he said quietly. "I want this all to be easy, I want it to work out. Do you know how much easier it would be if we didn't live together? If our parents weren't married." His eyes were still glued to the vision of Alice in her Porsche, showing me that he loved her like she loved him.

"You're in love with her aren't you?" I asked him, making his breathing stop in his throat. He let out a ragged breath after a minute and turned back to me, his features twisted with torment.

"God, help me...yes," he replied. I watched his grey-blue eyes swim with emotion before he turned his head back to look at Alice. "I love her so much Bella. I'm fucking terrified at how much I care about her." I bit my lip, watching Jasper as he watched his love. I felt the same way about my love for Edward, dysfunctional as we may be.

"She feels the same," I said. "Please don't tell her I told you. But you guys should talk about it. She's freaked too." His head had snapped back to me at the mention of Alice feeling similar.

"You mean...like she..." Jasper trailed off, looking back to Alice again. "She's in love with me too?" His voice was barely audible, it sounded almost like he was talking to himself. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear, so I didn't answer.

"You need to sort things out with her Jazz. Talk it out. That's the only way this will all get resolved. It's a pretty fucked up situation you two have yourselves in." I felt odd, saying this to him, because it applied to me and Edward as well. The only way we would ever get back on track is if we talked, for days. I just needed his words. Didn't he realize it was all so simple? Just speaking, that's all he had to do to make me happy. Unfortunately talking was the one thing Edward wasn't good at. What are the odds?

"I realize that," he said with a head shake. He peeled his eyes from Alice. "I know we have to talk. I'm not confused at where we stand with each other...just about what we're going to do. It's going to be a nightmare." He scratched at the side of his face, ruffling the small amount of hair that he hadn't shaved.

"You're not the only one who is in the nightmare Jazz," I said, leaning up to pat him on the arm. He grinned.

"I know. All of us are, you especially." I just nodded; I didn't like talking about Edward to Jasper. They weren't friends, just frank acquaintances at best.

"Yeah..." I said, looking down to my sneakers.

"Anyways," Jasper said, clearing his throat. "I just came to say happy birthday." He smiled at me now, his handsome, toothy grin making me smile back.

"Thanks," I said, hugging him again. He kissed the top of my head.

"Have a good one Bells, you deserve it." He walked to the door and pointed at me when he was about to leave. I pointed back and smiled, watching as he left and went out the door. He hopped in the Porsche, waving with Alice as she sped out of the parking lot.

I resumed my post on my stool, tracing a bored circle on the counter as the time ticked by so slowly it almost felt like it was going backwards. Mike didn't come back at all during the rest of my shift, making me actually feel grateful towards him for the first time in my life. I sat on my ass the rest of the night, watching as the sky continued to darken, bringing with it rain and thunder and lightning. My mind was gone though, in a very different place that wasn't Newton's Sporting Goods.

All night I couldn't stop thinking about Edward.

I kept replaying my day in my head, getting butterflies every time I thought about our kiss in the parking lot. He had finally gathered enough of his strength to actually kiss me like that in front of people, making me more than happy that he was starting to break free of that stupid, ridiculously hard exterior he'd always had. I could see it happening already, it was starting – finally. He was getting a little more comfortable, even if it was only slightly.

I briefly wondered what would happen tomorrow, not just at school but on our date. How would he act? What would he have planned? Would he actually act like I was his girlfriend?

I had so many questions about his behaviour but knew they would only be answered in time, and suddenly tomorrow seemed to be much too far away. I sighed and looked out the window again for the umpteenth time since I'd started my long assed shift. It was as dark as a bottomless pit in the distance, only lighter in the parking lot because of the three lamp posts that were stationed outside. I could see the rain pelting the ground in sheets, noting the fact that it was also windy outside because of the sheer angle at which the rain was falling.

I looked away from the window, having nothing better to do than look around the rest of the store. I was taking everything in, everything I had seen a million times before, and my thoughts willingly returned to Edward.

Maybe for now Edward wasn't speaking to me like I wanted, but he was slowly and surely complying with my only wish; the only thing I had ever asked of him in this relationship. He had his fair share of asking for things – mainly my forgiveness. While I had rarely asked for his he had been around that bend too many times to count, wearing down my will to be with him. It was that persistent nature in me, thanks to Charlie, that told me to never give up. I wanted to leave him and run away from the problems he created so many times, but could never find it in me to actually do it.

So while I was still here, fighting for the one thing I'd ever found worth fighting for, I was pretty sure I was winning. He had given me what I wanted and was trying his hardest, I could see it. While most times I wanted to push him and yell at him and tell him to hurry the fuck up, I knew it would have the opposite effect. Rushing him would only make things worse for me, not better. If, for right now, he would give me making out in the school parking lot...than that's what I would take.

---

"Bella?" Renee said with a smile evident in her tone. I shut the door behind me after I walked through it.

"Yeah mom," I replied, not able to help but smile too. While both my parents got on my nerves like there was no tomorrow, they had bought me a_ car_ for my birthday; they deserved a bit of a break. I dropped my school bag on the floor and slipped off my boots, shrugging out of my wet coat and hanging it on the banister.

I saw Renee emerge from the kitchen, a powder blue apron and a spatula in her hand. Charlie came out behind her and they both forced smiles at me, making me question their slightly odd behaviour. I walked towards them, hugging each of them before stepping into the kitchen. On the table was a beautifully decorated cake, complete with chocolate icing and vibrant green letters that spelled out 'Happy Birthday Bubba'.

"Oh god," I said with a smile. The name Renee had written on the cake was one that I had received as a child – I still don't know how it stuck all these years. I apparently always used to call my bottle a 'bubba' when I was younger, and somehow the name just caught on. My entire family on Charlie's side always called me that, and it was just reflex now to respond to it.

"Mom I can't believe you wrote that on my cake." Renee tossed the spatula into the sink and pulled something out of a drawer. She walked over and placed a few candles in the top of the cake, just so I had _something _to blow out.

"I thought it was cute," Renee said to me. I glanced from her to the cake and shook my head.

"I like it," I said, watching as Charlie pulled out a lighter and lit the few candles. He stepped back and wrapped an arm around my shoulder awkwardly. I crossed my arms over my chest, not sure as to how to act around Charlie. He was my dad, sure, but we never really spent time together. Most time we did spend together was filled with arguing and yelling. Renee flicked off the lights and she and Charlie began to sing to me. I shook my head at my ridiculous parents, trying to remember the last time we had all been together like this.

I could think of anything. It had to have been another birthday, or Christmas. Other than holidays or family events we never really spent that much time around each other – well at least I never spent much time around here.

"Make a wish Bubba," Charlie said after they had finished singing. I grinned and leant in, making sure my hair didn't catch fire as I squeezed my eyes shut, effectively making my wish. It's not hard to guess what I wished for – it was for Edward to finally be more than just Edward Cullen to me. I sucked in a sharp breath and blew it out of my mouth, extinguishing the tiny, flickering flames of the three candles that had been placed atop the cake.

"Happy Birthday," Renee said to me. "How was work?" She went over to another drawer and pulled out a knife. She then proceeded to get some plates and forks before coming back over to where Charlie and I were still standing.

"It was horrible," I said to her, sitting down in one of the chairs. Renee placed the forks and plates down on the table in her own special way before cutting the cake.

"Why was it so bad?" Charlie asked, taking a seat next to me.

"Because it was dead, we literally had two customers," I said, tilting my head as I watched Renee carefully setting a piece of cake on a plate, placing it in front of me once it was perfectly in the center. "Thanks mom."

"No problem honey. Charlie?" Renee asked.

"Please," he replied curtly. I grabbed a fork and dug into the cake, sliding it into my mouth and tasting the creamy custard filling of the delicious home-made dessert. I watched as my parents barely said a word to each other, just eating my cake in silence. It sort of scared me that they weren't arguing like usual; it was almost as if it were the calm before the storm. I shrugged off the bad vibes and kept eating the cake, almost feeling sick at how much sugar was in it. The icing was thick and rich, making my throat dry. After I was done I took a bottle of water from the fridge and began to chug.

"Enjoy the cake?" Renee asked, licking her lips of some icing.

"Yeah," I replied with a smile. "It was delicious, thanks. You didn't have to."

"Bella, really," Renee said to me, rolling her soft, blue eyes at my comment. "It's your birthday. Of course we have a cake." I smiled and set the empty bottle on the counter where all of our recyclables were meant to be put and walked back over to the table.

"How's the truck running?" Charlie asked, finishing off his cake. He tossed the fork onto the empty plate and pushed his chair back, leaning on two legs. I saw Renee's eyes flicker to the chair, knowing it was a pet peeve of hers.

"It's good," I replied with a nod of my head. "I love it, thanks."

"Well I'm glad, you'll finally be able to drive yourself around," Charlie replied, resting his hands firmly on his stomach. I furrowed my brows, watching as Renee was burning a hole into Charlie.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked pointedly, trying to give Charlie the benefit of the doubt.

"It means exactly what you think it means," he said, turning his face ever so slightly in my direction. "Maybe now you'll spend a little less time with that boyfriend of yours. Don't you think maybe it's time you dated someone else there sweetie, played the field." I saw Renee's mouth gape in shock at what Charlie had just said to me.

"Excuse me?" I asked in time with Renee's exclamation of 'Charlie!'

"So you want me to slut myself around town?" I asked with anger, staring at Charlie's profile. He drummed his fingers against his stomach. "I don't think it would be very good for Chief Swan's reputation if his daughter suddenly became the town whore!" I spat venomously.

"Honestly," Renee said as I turned away from the father I loathed right now. "You are unbelievable," I then heard her remark to him. "Stop leaning back in the chair!" She screeched. I heard a chair scraping across the floor and knew it was most likely Renee standing up. I clenched my fists at my sides in pure anger and a little hatred, my nostrils flaring at how much I actually wanted to punch my father in the face.

"I'm going to bed," I said quietly. "Thanks for the cake mom."

"Bella honey," Renee said, hurrying over to me. I fled from the kitchen and made my way to the stairs. "Bella." I turned when I ascended the first step, tears coating my vision.

"What is his problem?" I whispered in a shaky voice. Renee's face was conflicted.

"Mental illness?" She replied with that familiar giggle. I hadn't heard it in a while, making me smile at the fun person nestled deep inside my mother.

"Please tell me it's not genetic," I joked back with a grin, still incredibly upset that my father's dislike for Edward was so intense he had proposed me becoming a whore. I blinked a few times to hold back my tears and anger. He couldn't even spare chastising me about Edward for one single day, not even my damn birthday. My mom was right, something was mentally wrong with him.

"Let's hope not," she replied, affectionately patting me on the arm. "Don't let him get to you baby." I nodded down at her, biting on my lip to stop myself from running into the kitchen and screaming at Charlie, throwing fists in hopes that I knocked him out.

"I won't," I replied, taking a deep breath in and out, feeling as my heart beat a mile a minute against my chest in anger. "I'm going to bed."

Renee reached her hands up to my face and lowered it to hers, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. She pulled away and smiled, happiness trying to shine through her blue eyes that had been dulled by age and Charlie. She wished me one last 'happy birthday' and I was off, up the stairs and in my room, making sure I locked the door before I practically ripped my own hair out of my head.

I sunk down onto my bed, untangling my fingers from my hair so that I didn't go bald. I still couldn't believe he had told me to play the field – to find someone different. I didn't understand one little bit why Charlie hated Edward so intensely, and it made me want to cry every time I thought about it. I was nearly shaking with anger and sadness, rolling over on my bed to pull my phone out of my pocket. A shaky hand dialled Edward's number, calming instantly at the sound of his velvety smooth voice.

"Hey there," he answered with.

"Hey," I replied in a dismal tone.

"Everything okay?"

I spent the next ten minutes telling Edward about work and my unnecessary, aggravating father.

"I mean he practically told me to whore myself," I said, waving my arms around my head.

"He really fucking hates me," Edward replied with an amused chuckle.

"It's not funny Edward. I don't understand why he hates you," I said with exasperation.

"Bella I know it's not funny. But I don't know what else to do but laugh. What is there for me to do? He either hates me or he doesn't, and by the looks of it he isn't changing his opinion about me anytime soon." I sighed, knowing he was right.

"I know," I whispered. "It's shitty."

"Indeed," he replied. A smile ghosted across my lips as my eyelids closed involuntarily. "What are you doing?" The smile broke free of its confinement and spread across my lips at his question. It was making me happy that he actually seemed to care lately – it made me feel like he wanted me in ways that weren't purely driven by sex and lust.

"Just lying on my bed, trying not to fall asleep," I replied honestly. "What are you doing?"

"Oh look at that, I'm doing the same thing," he said. I could practically see the sarcastic smirk, keeping the stupid grin plastered on my face. "Why don't you go to bed?"

"I think that sounds like a fabulous idea," I said. "You should voice your opinion more often if you have such genius ideas." I heard him laughing through the phone.

"Yeah," he said, pausing before he continued. "Next Einstein right here." His tone was sarcastic.

"Edward Einstein," I said with a giggle, trying the name out. "It so doesn't suit you."

"Not so much huh?" He said, sounding thoughtful. "Anyways, get some sleep, clear your head; just try to think of anything but Charlie." I opened my eyes, staring at the white ceiling and thinking about the best part of my day.

"Oh, I can think of a few things besides him," I replied, intentionally dropping my voice a few octaves.

"Such as...?" He hedged eagerly. I bit my lip, knowing he was fully into this conversation – he was such a man.

"My birthday presents," I replied, my voice throaty and lustful. Although I had had my fair share of orgasms today, I still wanted him even now.

"I stayed true to my promise," he said, his voice impossibly sexy. I felt myself grow wet from just listening to his god damn voice. How did he still have such an effect on me after two bloody years?

"That you did," I said to him, recalling the perfect start to my flawed day. "Actually I think you fucked me stupid. I couldn't concentrate on anything else the entire day. I sounded like a moron when anyone tried to talk to me." I heard him chuckle seductively.

"Silly, stupid...they're all the same. As long as you don't know which way is up once I'm done with you." I felt in between my legs throbbing, begging for Edward's touch to relieve the burning desire.

"I couldn't tell you what my name was after that," I laughed with another bite of my lip. "My birthday was perfect."

"I'd hardly call it perfect Bella," Edward said with a hint of sadness in his tone.

"It was as close to perfect as I'll ever get," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "It's all because of you." I felt myself smiling once again as I recalled how carefree my day had been while I was around Edward. It was a nice change from always feeling tense and edgy around him in fear of saying something that would set him off.

"I hope tomorrow is just as good," he said on a hopeful note. I smirked.

"Does that mean I get more birthday presents?" I asked innocently.

"Hell, you can have as many as you want," he said, almost groaning.

"I'm spending the night tomorrow," I said as a statement, not a question.

"No shit...who's the Einstein now?"

**e.p.o.v**

"I'll see you after?" I asked Bella, trying to keep it together as she hugged me, encircling my waist with her arms.

"Yeah," she replied with an adorable smile. I leant down and kissed her on the lips again, not letting it last for very long. I still couldn't handle it like I wanted to be able to.

"Bye."

Bella left and disappeared through the door to her trig class. I straightened out my jacket as I walked away, to my calc class, and thought about exactly what it was I was going to do tonight. I was taking her to Port Angeles, to a cliché dinner and movie – something I never even had the decency to do before now.

"Cullen," a voice called to me, interrupting my important train of thought. I stopped near the door to my classroom and turned around, finding the moron who certainly had some death wish as he continually got on my nerves.

"Newton," I replied tersely. He came to a stop in front of me and adjusted his book bag on his shoulder.

"I thought I should tell you something," he said vaguely.

"Alright...I don't have all day, so spit it out." I couldn't, for the life of me, understand what in the hell he would feel the need to tell me.

"It concerns Bella," Mike began, making my fists clench immediately at my sides. My jaw tensed as Mike took in my reaction to her name coming off his lips. "I uh...saw her getting pretty cozy with Jasper yesterday." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Come again?" I asked with bemusement.

"He came by the store yesterday and they were getting pretty close," Mike said to me, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets. I kept eyeing him, the way he was moving – he was full of shit.

"Bullshit," I replied sceptically. Bella would never do that, I was sure of it – mostly.

"Hey man, I'm just telling you what I saw," Mike said, raising his hands in defeat. My fists were still clenched, my short fingernails digging into the flesh of each palm, causing a slight amount of pain.

"Thanks," I said to him, turning on my heel and bursting through the door to my calc class. I made a bee-line for the back of the room, trying to contain my anger at Mike and Jasper and Bella as I sat down. He was lying...he had to be. Though I was trying to convince myself this information was all false, I couldn't help but wonder if what Mike had said was true.

I saw the chair shift beside me and rolled my eyes at the desk.

"Hey Edward...can I sit?" Jessica asked. I waved my hand as to say 'if you must' and Jessica sat. The second bell rang as I crossed my arms over my chest, staring blankly at the front of the classroom.

The class passed by slowly, the boring teacher droning on and on about calculus. I was tempted to just get up and leave because I was wasting my time sitting here, but as the bell signalled the end of class I realized that my mind wasn't all there. It had seemed like I still had so much more time to go. I hastily got up to leave with my book bag, having nothing to pack away as I hadn't even taken out a notebook or anything.

"Edward, wait," Jessica said, making me halt my movements.

"What?" I asked half-turning back to her. She walked over beside me.

"I have some more of that stuff from the party," she nearly whispered. I clenched my jaw tight – never again was my promise.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I said bluntly, turning back around to leave. I wanted to catch Bella before she went to Gym. I hurried down the hall to where the locker rooms were and searched the swarm of people for the short brunette I was looking for. As the halls began to clear I still couldn't find her, she was most likely already getting changed.

I didn't care if I was late for class; I needed to know the truth now, before I gave into my anger and scoured the school for Jasper.

Bella came walking out of the change room a few minutes after the second bell rang, but she didn't see me. She turned left immediately, walking towards the gym with her bag in hand.

"Bella," I called to her, making her stop where she was.

"Edward what are you doing?" She asked, turning around and walking towards me with a confused look on her face. Jessica came out of the change room when Bella was at my side and she scowled at us before walking in the direction Bella had been going.

"I need to talk to you. Now," I said angrily.

"But I'm already late," she said with confliction.

"I don't give a shit, this is more important," I replied, staring down at her with questions burning on the tip of my tongue. She noted my demeanour and started to walk with me when I walked away from the change rooms. I stopped near a bank of lockers and pulled her in between one of the rows.

"So I talked to Mike," I said to her, looking at her to gauge her reaction. She furrowed her brows and put her bag on the ground, tilting her head to the side as she gave me a funny look.

"Uh, okay...?" She said with confusion.

"He said that yesterday you were getting close...with Jasper, at work," I said to her, anger and an unbearable amount of hurt seeping into my voice. Bella's eyes widened in shock and her mouth hung open. I sincerely hoped it wasn't true.

"What?" She asked, her pitch raising a few octaves.

"Please tell me it's not true," I begged, my fingers itching at the sides of my jeans. I wanted to be angry and pissed beyond belief right now, but as I stood with Bella I wanted to cry at the prospect that it might be true. If she said it was in fact true, I don't even think I'd get mad at her – I'd probably fall to the ground like a pussy and cry at her feet.

"God Edward...no," she said with a head shake. She stepped closer to me and took one of the twitching hands from my side. "It's not true." She placed a kiss on the back of my hand and I pulled her to me, curling my arms around her neck as I felt relief pulsing through me with every beat of my heart.

"Thank god," I said to her, kissing the top of her head. "I didn't know...I'm sorry. I should have trusted you." I felt guilty now, for accusing her, for actually listening to Mike when he told me that. I couldn't help it though. A part of me knew that Bella was so beyond frustrated with me that she might actually leave me, and after these thoughts mingled with thoughts of her and Jasper I couldn't find the line that separated the truth from the lie.

"It's okay," she said, rubbing her hand gently up and down my back. I smiled into her hair, but suddenly anger built up again – not at Bella, but at Mike. Why the fuck had he done that? He had purposely tried to get me angry at Jasper and Bella, he had hidden intentions.

I pulled away from Bella abruptly in the middle of our silent embrace, holding her shoulders as she looked up to me with a questioning look.

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" I bellowed in anger, raking my fingers through my hair. "Why the fuck would he do all that, just to get a rise out of me?"

"Well, I mean Jazz did come by the store yesterday," Bella said, making the air leave my lungs.

"I thought you said it wasn't true?" I countered, trying to calm myself.

"It's not," she said with an eye roll. "He came by to say happy birthday, and he gave me a hug," she said, shrugging like it was nothing. "I can't see how Mike took that any other way." Despite how mad I was that Bella always hugged and kissed Jasper, I knew she was telling me the truth. Mike was trying to blow everything out of proportion, knowing it would get to me as Bella was the person I cared most about. "Edward really, it was nothing. He came by and we talked for five minutes before he left because he was going out on a date with Alice."

My breathing was calm by the end of her explanation, and I knew that she would never do anything like that to me anyways. I felt like a stupid asshole for even believing what Mike had told me. Jasper was with Alice...Bella was with me. Why am I so stupid?

"I'm sorry," I said, hanging my head. "I just...I always see the possibility of you changing your mind about us." I was being honest with her because I wanted to share this with her; it had been eating at me since we had started this whole 'change' thing over a week ago.

"Edward," she said to me, lifting my chin with her hand. Those brown eyes I always lost myself in were gazing at me lovingly, making my mood turn from anger to sadness. "I'm not going to change my mind about this," she told me, using her hand to motion from her body to mine.

"Are you sure?" I asked uncertainly. My insecurities were making me weak and needy, practically making me beg for Bella to tell me she still wanted to be with me.

"Yes I'm sure," she said with a breathtaking smile. "I'm not giving up on you." She snaked her arms around my waist and nuzzled her head against my chest, her very touch calming my rapidly beating heart.

Despite how bumpy the road ahead for us was, I knew she was telling me the truth – she wasn't giving up, and neither was I.

---

I tilted my head as I looked in the mirror.

"This looks absolutely ridiculous," I said, pulling on the bottom of my shirt. It was a black button down shirt, much like the one Emmett had been wearing last week.

"It looks _hot _Edward," Rosalie said to me, fixing the collar of my shirt. I had very reluctantly asked for Rosalie's help as she was here hanging out with Emmett – I had no clue how to get ready for a date.

"Rosalie..." I whined. It was a little strange having her help me, especially since I didn't really know her that well. She seemed nice though, and I had to give it to her, she was kind of funny. Most times her accent threw me off because I would ask her to repeat what she said at least three times. "I look so fucking stupid. Bella will laugh."

"If she laughs I owe you fifty dollars," Rosalie said with a flick of my collar. My eyebrows shot up into my hairline.

"And if she doesn't I owe you fifty?" I asked her. Rosalie smiled before she nodded.

"Of course, that's how a bet works," she said to me with an eye roll. I looked back to the mirror and straightened out the shirt – I looked like Emmett had. But Rosalie said that this was a 'proper outfit' for a date. I had no clue, so she was my guide right now.

"Call the press," Emmett boomed, resting against the door frame to my room as I examined myself in the mirror. "Edward's wearing something that's not a band T-shirt." His tone was mocking.

"Shove it up your ass Em," I grumbled turning away from the mirror. I was wearing the black shirt with a pair of jeans that Rosalie had approved of me wearing. I honestly don't think I looked horrible, just stupid because I never wore anything like this.

"Cool it man, you wanted her help," Em said defensively. I sighed.

"Yeah I know, thanks a lot Rose," I said to her with a nod of my head. She walked over to where Emmett was and smiled, standing beside him with a hand on her hip.

"No problem," she replied.

"Do you mind if I talk to Emmett for a second, alone?" Rosalie shrugged and left the room, closing the door behind her. "How's everything going with her?"

"Holy fuck," Emmett growled. "I'm barely controlling myself here man." Emmett furiously rubbed his hand along his hair, every emotion crossing his face. "I haven't had sex in almost three weeks, but...I don't want to just fuck anyone."

"You want _her_," I said with a smirk. Too bad for him Rosalie was a virgin – Bella told me she was and I had laughed at Emmett's unfortunate situation. "Em man...you're going to cry."

"Huh?" He asked curiously.

"You swear to fucking god you don't breathe a word of this to anyone," I said to him, piercing him with my gaze.

"Promise," he replied with a small salute.

"Dude...she's a virgin still," I said, going over to my nightstand to collect my phone, wallet, and keys.

"Wha – No...no _fucking _way!" Emmett said with shock in his words. "You mean Rose?" I turned back around to find Emmett standing there, holding onto my dresser as his eyes darted across my face, searching for the lie. He wouldn't find it; he knew in his heart it was true.

"Yes Rose, you retard," I said with a head shake. "That's why you're wasting your time trying to get in her pants. I'm sure she wants something more than a fuck considering she's never done it before."

"You mean like a boyfriend?" Emmett replied immediately.

"Congratulations," I remarked snidely. "You win the prize."

"Fuck off man. You think she'd date me?" I shrugged.

"Why not, she seems to like you....but get out of my way, I need to go."

"Thanks bro," Emmett said, clapping his hand on my back. "Good luck on the date, tell Coop to have fun. Not too much fun though." Emmett winked as we left my room to find Rosalie sitting on the stairs. We all descended and Emmett and Rosalie disappeared into the living room, while I left for the front door. I forgot what Rosalie had told me before, so I went back in with my shoes and coat to find them both on the couch, attached at the lips.

"Oh shit..." I said apologetically. "Uh, sorry to interrupt." I felt awkward standing in the doorway as Rosalie pulled away and smoothed out her hair. "I forgot what the flower is called."

"Star Gazer Lily," Rosalie replied after clearing her throat. "Or any kind of Lily." I nodded.

"Thanks," I said, turning around and heading for the door. I shook off the awkward situation I had walked in on and hurried down the stairs to my car, getting in and tearing out of the driveway as I eagerly made my way to the flower shop. I had never done any of this before and it felt strange, like it wasn't really me going through all of this.

I got out at the Fork's Garden Center and made my way over to where the flowers were in search of the said flower. It didn't take me long to find the one I was looking for, and Rosalie was right – it was a beautiful flower, and so perfect for Bella. I took two out of the water they were sitting in and carried them up to the cash, pulling out my wallet as I set them down on the counter top. There was no one there so I tapped my palm against the small bell in front of the register, watching as a tall, lean woman I knew to be Jessica Stanley's mother came out from the back of the store.

"Sorry," she said with sincerity. "Would you like anything done to them?"

"Uh..." I said uncertainly. "Like what?" I had no clue what you did to a flower, as far as I knew you put them in water and watched them as the dried up and died.

"Well would you like them bound together using a satin bow? Or I can have them wrapped," Mrs. Stanley said to me.

"Would you be able to bind them for me? Wrapping them won't be necessary."

She immediately flitted around behind the counter, taking the two flowers with her to the work bench. She cut some white ribbon and expertly tied it around the stems of each flower, effectively tying them together. She returned a few minutes later and placed them back on the counter, asking me if I needed anything else. I told her that I would just take the flowers and handed her my credit card, picking up the flowers and examining their beauty as she swiped it. She gave me the card and my receipt, wishing me a good night as I took off out the door.

I was to Bella's house in minutes, feeling my stomach in knots with something that was bordering on excitement and nerves. I took the flowers off the passenger seat and clutched at my stomach, killing the engine before getting out of the car. I made my way up the steps and to Bella's front door, knocking on it a few times.

"Yes mom, I'll be back later," I heard Bella say as she threw open the door. "Hey," she said with a smile. Her eyes went wide as she trailed her eyes from my shoes, all the way up to my hair. I saw her bite her lip, and to my dismay she didn't laugh.

Fuck, there goes fifty bucks.

"Wow."

"What?" I asked, pulling on the bottom of my shirt. She stepped closer and went up on her toes, snaking her arms around my neck.

"You look...delicious," she breathed, her voice dripping with lust.

"You actually like this get-up?" I asked, restraining myself from wrapping her up in my arms. My hands were secured around my back, clasping the two bound flowers and hiding them from Bella's view. She kissed the side of my neck and nipped playfully, making me push my neck further into her mouth.

"I think I like it a lot more than I should," she said to me, pulling her face away and gazing up at me. We smirked at each other then, and I closed my eyes, bending my neck to connect her mouth with mine. I pulled the flower-holding hand out from behind my back and opened my eyes in mid kiss, dipping the petal of the flower so it brushed lightly against her cheek. Bella opened her eyes at the foreign feeling and pulled away, gasping when I extended the two flowers out to her.

"Edward," she breathlessly whispered, taking the flowers from my hand and smiling that gorgeous smile as she inhaled the scent from the middle of the flower. My heart almost leapt out of my chest in happiness – she most definitely approved of the flower idea. _Thanks, Rosalie. _

Her smile was radiant, and I suddenly realized that this is the way it should have always been. I had been a dumb shit for treating her badly in the past because she deserved to smile like this all the time. She deserved to be happy, and I wanted to be the person that made her happy. I battled with myself and finally decided that tonight was it; I was finally going to take a step in the right direction after two years of taking a hundred steps in the wrong direction.

"They're beautiful," she said to me, dragging the petal of one flower along her nose. "Thank you." I leant down to kiss her chastely on the lips as I smiled against her mouth.

"You're welcome," I chimed. "By the way..." I trained my eyes on her outfit, noting that her attire was possibly better than it had been on the first day of school. She was wearing a mid-thigh, tight black skirt, showing off her creamy white legs torturously. Her light jacket was concealing the lush, green v-neck shirt she was wearing underneath, making my mouth nearly salivate at her outfit. "You're ravishing."

I saw her teeth graze her bottom lip before she grinned playfully, backing up into the house.

"Let me put these in water and then we can go," she said to me, leaving me on her porch as the hard-on in my jeans throbbed against the material. _Teasing bitch, _I thought to myself. I reached my hand down and adjusted myself, groaning at the fact that I wouldn't be able to get off until after the date. That's how I understand date's normally worked; you went on the date, had a great time, and then if you were lucky you'd get laid. On our date it wasn't a question of _if _I was going to get lucky; it was more of a question of _when. _

"Ready?" Bella asked, closing the door shut behind her as she took up my arm.

"Ready," I repeated, descending the steps and escorting her to the other side of the car.

"Oh, a true gentleman," Bella chided, making me snicker at her. She slipped into the passenger seat as I closed the door, making my way to the driver's seat. I started the car and backed out of the drive, speeding on the highway to Port Angeles.

"So what's the plan?" Bella asked; her head turned from mine as she examined the blurring forest beyond the window.

"I was thinking just dinner, and a movie?" I asked tentatively. I knew dinner and a movie was the typical, cheesy, cliché thing to do – but it was all I had. I was a dating virgin.

"Perfect," Bella said, her voice audibly pleased with this.

I smiled even though she couldn't see me and kept heading to Port Angeles. We were there in good time, just before five o'clock. I had asked Esme ahead of time where in Port Angeles had the best food, and she had directed me to a small, Italian restaurant, just a few minutes inside the city limits. It was called La Bella Italia. I pulled up to the curb beside the restaurant, killing the engine as Bella still gazed out the window.

"You like Italian?" I asked her, unbuckling my seat belt.

"Sure," she replied with a smile, undoing hers as well. I got out and went to her door again, knowing that it was the proper thing to do. She graciously took my hand, holding on tightly as we entered the restaurant. It didn't seem to be at all busy as the hostess greeted us warmly. She took us to a table, leading us to somewhere in the middle of the room. She set us up in a booth and Bella and I each took a side, listening as the hostess told us our server would be with us in a minute.

I looked around the restaurant, noting the unique and true Italian decor that gave off a warm feeling. It was a good way to start the date.

"So..." I said to her, unsure as to what was said on dates. Bella looked over to me and grinned.

"Yeah..." She replied just as unsure. "Am I the only nervous one here?"

"No," I said with a shake of my head. "I'm nervous too. It's weird."

"I know," she said to me, reaching across the table for my hand. I laced my fingers with hers and held them gently, watching her face as she stared down at our entwined hands. "I don't understand why my stomach is in knots."

"Well if it helps, mine is too. Maybe it's just because this is all so new. I mean...we _are_ losing our dating virginity," I said to her with a wink. She threw her head back in laughter.

"You're my first for everything," she remarked. I grinned smugly. _Damn right I was. _

I was about to open my mouth to quip back with something witty, but the waitress showed up.

"Hey there, my name is Jenn, and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with some drinks?" I turned my attention away from Bella to glance up to the waitress.

"Water's fine for me thanks," I said to her. "What do you want?" I asked Bella, suddenly aware that I was still gripping her hand. I should have let go, pushed her hand away...but I didn't. I felt comfortable.

"Can I get a Sprite or something?" Bella asked the waitress.

"Is 7-up okay?" She replied with.

"That's fine," Bella said with a smile. The waitress left then and I took the menu in my free hand, flipping it open and looking down to it. I browsed the options for a minute while Bella did the same. The menu was full of pastas and pizzas, everything sounding so good I almost couldn't decide what I wanted to eat.

"What are you getting?" Bella asked, glancing to me over the top of her menu.

"Hmm," I said, trying to pick something. "Maybe the linguini, it sounds pretty good. What about you?" Bella folded her menu, placing it down on the table.

"The mushroom ravioli looks really good," she said with a smile. I grinned back at Bella's love for mushrooms. Why she had some weird fungi fetish was beyond me, but the girl loved her mushrooms.

"I should have guessed," I replied, closing my menu as well.

The waitress came back a few minutes later, and I had let Bella's hand go, taking a sip of the water she had brought with her. I hadn't realized until I took a sip that my mouth was dry, probably from the nerves I was feeling. I could guarantee I was more nervous than Bella, I was almost thinking I should wait and save what I was going to tell her for another day, but knew I was just procrastinating. I would keep putting it off until eventually Bella got fed up, and left me like I knew she someday would.

I needed to do what I could to ensure that this wouldn't happen, and telling her something important was sure to keep her around. It was also my promise to her, and I had to start somewhere. I knew none of this would be easy.

We ordered our food and chatted about things of little consequence, eating our food hungrily once it was set in front of us. Bella hummed while she ate, making me stare at her on more than one occasion, waiting for a sexy moan to spill from her lips. It didn't come, just made me realize that I was horny as hell, not able to wait until our date was done so I could be with her.

"You look like you're hungry for more than food," Bella remarked to me, looking at me from across the table as she took a sip of her 7-up. I swallowed my bite of linguini harshly; she noticed I had been staring at her.

"Do I?" I asked with a quirked brow. The straw was dancing around her lips as she stared at me, her eyes burning into mine intensely.

"You're too obvious," she said, slipping her tongue from her mouth and licking a line up her straw. I felt heat flood to my dick as it became hard, watching as her tongue swirled around the straw. Damn, she was good; she knew exactly what she was doing to me, knowing it would turn me on. "Are you going to be able to make it through the movie?" She asked innocently, taking the straw in her mouth, sticking it as far as it would go. I groaned at how far it went down, gripping my hands along the leather seat as she pulled it out.

"Not if you do that again," I said to her in a throaty voice. She smirked. I tried to clear my head and tame my erection; I wanted this date to be an _actual _date. "Bella I want this to be a real date. No screwing around until we're home." She pouted, removing the straw from her mouth and setting the cup on the table.

"That's fair," she agreed with reluctance.

I paid for the meal and we walked a few blocks down the road to the theatre. It was small, only had a total of six theatres in it, and was five dollars a ticket. We opted to see a scary film, something about zombies because they always made us laugh. It also reminded me of that day a little after my fifteenth birthday, the day I lost my virginity. She was laughing through the entire zombie movie we had been watching that day, and she made me smile because I loved her when she laughed.

"Are you sure you got enough junk?" I asked Bella, watching with amusement as she took a large bite off a piece of liquorice.

"Uh," she said, looking to her lap. She had liquorice, Milk Duds, and a Slurpee. "Yeah I think I'm good." She smiled as she took another bite of liquorice. "Want some?"

I shrugged and opened the Milk Duds as the theatre darkened, watching the screen as the previews came on. I purposely did that horribly ridiculous 'yawn and stretch' thing, resting my arm on Bella's shoulders as she laughed at how obvious I had been. I tilted the box of chocolate and caramel, letting a few pieces fall into my mouth. Bella nestled herself against me, taking a swig of her Slurpee and passing it to me. I drank it down, nearly getting brain freeze with how much I had taken in one sip.

"Fuck," I said, rubbing my forehead with my palm and squeezing my eyes shut.

"Rub your tongue on the roof of your mouth," Bella said to me. I opened my eyes and looked at her as I did what she said. She grinned when I started to calm down, leaning up in the darkness to press her cold lips against mine. I kissed her for a second and pulled away, glancing around the theatre to see everyone's attention on the screen as the movie was starting. Nobody was looking at us.

I turned back to Bella and kissed her again, threading my fingers through her hair to massage her scalp. She moaned into my mouth, her arousing noises drowned out by the sounds coming from the movie. I pressed my tongue against hers, feeling ridiculously turned on as we made out in the back of a dark theatre. I wasn't sure if people still made out at the movies anymore, but I had never done anything like this before. It was exhilarating.

I felt Bella's hand push firmly on the top of my thigh, slowly inching its way to where my hard-on was pulsating in my jeans. I wasn't sure I wanted to stop her, part of me did and part of me didn't. I thought about it another fraction of a second before her hand curled around the bulge in my jeans, making me opt for my decision to let her continue. I pulled my tongue from her mouth and panted into her neck.

"Is this appropriate dating activity?" I asked her, biting on her earlobe as she palmed my jeans.

"I wouldn't know," she said, pushing her palm down harder. "It seems appropriate to me." I grinned, loving my sex fiend. I wanted her to keep going, to get me off in a dark theatre, but I wanted this to be a real fucking date.

"Bella," I scolded, stupidly stopping her hand. "Can we please wait until after?" I wanted to laugh at myself. I was begging her to stop giving me a hand job. She pulled her hand off of me and pouted her bottom lip.

"Fine," she said with a smirk, taking another piece of liquorice in her mouth. "Have fun with that." She pointed to my pants and laughed, turning her attention to the movie. I scowled and adjusted myself, focussing my attention on the movie as well.

Bella laughed the whole time. I laughed as well, most likely pissing off everyone else who wasn't laughing. I mean really, the zombie's were too funny just moaning and limping around, taking a bite of anyone they pleased. By the time the movie was done we had been told twice to quiet down by a couple sitting a few rows ahead of us. I thought it was fucking ridiculous and unnecessary that they actually said something to us, but didn't care as we left the theatre and emerged onto the dark streets of Port Angeles.

By the time we got to the car Bella was starting to shiver because it was getting colder out, and I quickly ushered her in the door before getting in myself and cranking the heat.

"You still cold?" I asked, letting the car idle and heat up. Bella shrugged out of her coat and tossed it over the seat.

"No," she replied, fixing her shirt. "But I know what would make me warmer." Her tone was suggestive, and sexy as hell. I took off my jacket and put it over the seat as well.

"Oh yeah?" I hedged. I watched her lick her lips as she sat up, crawling over the console and perching herself in my lap. She tucked her arms behind my head, nestling them in between it and the seat.

"I've been practically begging and you keep turning me down," she said with a cute smirk. She rested her back against the window, letting her legs hang onto the passenger seat as they were draped over the console.

"Well I'm trying to do something right...for once." She smiled and kissed my chin, burying her face in my neck.

"This is perfect," she said softly. I brought a hand to her hair and stroked it gently, just enjoying that we were calm and serene for the moment. My hand started to shake as I worked up my courage to tell her what I was going to tell her. We had been sitting comfortably for ten minutes and I had turned the car off, sitting silently with Bella in my lap.

"I have a present for you," I said to her, breaking the silence. She took her head off my chest and frowned at me.

"What did I tell you about presents?" she asked sternly. "I really don't want anything."

"It's not an actual present," I said, shaking my head at her. Her interest piqued.

"You mean I get another one of my famous birthday presents?" I shook my head again, making her lip pout. "Then what is it?" I swallowed audibly, my shaking hand falling from her hair. I put it on her lap and she took it in hers, noticing that I wasn't okay. "Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

I looked up from Bella's lap and gazed into her eyes, all full of warmth and understanding. I forced myself to think about my parents, my mother and my father. I _never _thought about my mother, but every time I saw Esme I would feel a wave of sadness wash through me. It had gotten easier over the years, but Esme was my reminder of her.

"I need to tell you something," I said to her, fumbling with her fingers. She still held my gaze, soothing my trembling hand with her calm one.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. It's about me," I replied, taking our hands and pointing them to my chest. Bella blinked a few times when she realized what I was talking about. She tried to suppress her smile as she nodded her head.

_See, she's so happy that you're finally doing this. _

Her smile was what made me get on with my small and utterly insignificant revelation. It was really nothing in comparison to what I would eventually tell her, but to me it was huge. I hadn't thought of my mother's name in years, saying it still sometimes pained me, even though I had never called her by that name, or any other name for that matter.

"Please don't push me for anything more than I'm telling you. I think this will be hard enough as it is," I pleaded with her, begging with my eyes. If she started to get all pushy and asked questions I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle myself.

"I promise I won't," she agreed with sincerity, sealing her words with a kiss. She pulled away and merely watched me and waited, silently and patiently like the sweetheart she was.

"I want to give you something –anything – more than the fact that I hated Chicago. I just...it's a little difficult for me Bella." I stroked my thumb along the back of her hand.

"I know...its okay. Take your time," she said quietly. My breathing was still a little erratic, but she was being so understanding that I was calming down dramatically.

"I...I want to tell you their names," I said. "My parents' I mean." Bella breathed a sigh, almost in what seemed like relief as she smiled, waiting silently for me to continue. "My father..." I began with disgust and loathing. "His name was Edward." His name, clearly, wasn't a taboo topic; it was my god damn name as well. He was a stupid prick for naming me after him.

"You were named after your father?" Bella asked quietly, biting her lip afterwards. "Sorry."

"No it's okay," I said, perfectly alright with her question. It wasn't one about my father, just about the name. It was one I could answer. "And yes, I was named after him." Bella just nodded, and pursed her lips, probably trying not to slip with another question. "Okay...and my mother," I continued, my breath stuttering as I filled my lungs. I hunched my brows, feeling sadness flooding through me as I thought of my mother's name. My hand started to shake again, and Bella caressed my cheek with her hand.

"It's okay," she cooed, leaning in to kiss me. I just became more emotional, feeling like I was connecting to someone on a level that I never had before. Bella pulled away and her brown, endless eyes searched mine, watching me as I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes. I didn't want to cry, but was feeling emotional as fuck.

"Elizabeth," I forced through my lips as I shed a single tear. "Her name was Elizabeth."

* * *

**A/N:** Yay, Edward. Leave your love : ) let me know how you liked it!

I don't have much else to say, but thanks for the reviews so far! You're all awesome.

The song quoted at the beginning is My Blue Heaven by Taking Back Sunday.

**Reviews are delicious like Milk Duds...Mmm. **


	8. Breakthrough

**A/N: **Oh my, this took a lot longer than I thought it would. But once I started writing it poured out of me. I actually had to cut myself off with this chapter, if not I would have gone on for another 12 k. But that is not the case this time...only 11 k. I really can't help it, these chapters are really long and I hope none of you get bored while reading!

First I want to take a minute to rec a few fics. I've been busy with everything, plus reading as well, which is why this chapter is later than I intended. I've been reading **The Submissive **and **The Dominant **by **tara sue me**...which are both awesome, I highly suggest reading. If the names of the fics aren't obvious enough...check them out and see if they interest you. (If you decide to read them, read The Submissive first, as The Dominant is The Submissive from EPOV)

I also want to rec another fic, one that I am a Beta for. The fic is called **Spellbound** by **Claire Bloom.** The main gist is that Bella is accused of being a witch and put in jail...who do you think she meets? Only a few chapters in, but like I said, I Beta it. I get sneak peeks, so far it's great. Also check out her other fic **Enigma **– it's done now but it too is amazing.

If you are looking for something to read, I suggest these great fics, they are some of my favourites.

Anyway, extensive lemon alert! I couldn't stop myself, but it is HIGHLY important to the story.

Thank you for listening to my ramble, get on with the chapter!

Enjoy : )

* * *

"_**It's going to get harder, and it's going to burn brighter**_

_**And it's going to feel tougher, each and ever day**_

_**So let me say that I love you, you're all I've ever wanted**_

_**All I've ever dreamed of to come"**_

**b.p.o.v**

_Was?_

_Was?_

As in the past tense, meaning no longer is?

Her name _was _Elizabeth, his name _was _Edward.

As I sat in Edward's lap, watching while he wiped away the few silent tears that fell from his eyes, I was astonished. I wasn't sure what had me more speechless, the fact that he had told me his parents' names, the fact that he used the _past _tense, or the fact that he was crying. I think it was a mixture of the three, as all of it made me stare at him, wide-eyed with absolutely nothing to say.

Instead of words I used my body. When he had wiped his cheeks dry I began massaging my fingers into his hair, trying to calm him down. He hadn't cried much, and hadn't sobbed; just simply shed a few stray tears for his mother who's name had been Elizabeth. I had to bite my tongue until I drew blood to keep my mouth shut – there were so many questions I wanted to ask him.

I mean...what had he meant by using the past tense? Did he just use it habitually because he no longer lived with them? Were they both dead? Just one of them? If so, what happened to the other? Why didn't he live with them now?

I rifled questions off in my head, thankful that Edward was looking down to my lap and our entwined hands as he would surely have noticed my struggle had he been looking me in the face. When I heard him clear his throat he looked up to me, his face more torn yet more serene than I had seen in all the time I'd known him.

"Your mom's name is really pretty," I said to him in a soft voice, stroking my fingers deeper into his hair, making him moan quietly as he nodded his head. "Edward?" I was unsure if he would disregard any question I had, but I just really wanted to know.

"Hmm?" He asked, his head resting against the seat as my fingers sank into his hair.

"Can I ask you a question?" His eyes looked at me beseechingly as he furrowed his brows. It was the one thing he asked me not to do, but I didn't think it was such a hard question to answer.

"Don't prod, Bella," Edward responded with. I swallowed audibly and looked away from him, nodding sadly as I was doing just that. I heard him sigh before he lifted my face with his hand and kissed me. He moved it to the side of my face and he caressed my cheek, stroking his thumb lazily over my jaw line as his warm lips contoured to mine. "What did you want to know?" He asked, whispering his words against my lips.

"I promise it's not bad," I vowed to him, keeping my eyes closed as our faces stayed pressed together. "Was your mother related to Carlisle or Esme?" I felt Edward's body tense a little bit, but not so much that he seemed uncomfortable. I just wanted to know if it was his mother or his father who was related to his aunt and uncle. I wasn't sure what had possessed me to wonder, I just all of sudden felt the need to know. It also seemed like a pretty basic and neutral question. He didn't need to give me details, just a yes or no and I'd be happy.

"Yes," Edward replied curtly, his voice sounding thick. "She was related to Esme, they were sisters."

_Were, was. _

I kept wanting to say something about the whole use of the past tense, but I'd be damned if my tongue was going to be able to get the words out without getting mangled in the process. Edward would flip and leave me on the side of the road if I started asking him what happened to her. Instead of making myself bleed again I just nodded my head against Edward's.

"Thank you," I told him, my fingers still massaging lazy circles into his messy crop of hair.

"You're welcome," he said to me quietly, moving his thumb along my neck, sweeping it from my collarbone up to my jaw line multiple times. "I love you." He formed his lips to the side of my face, peppering my exposed skin with warm, affectionate kisses. I angled my head, resting it against the window as the gentle kissing continued, making me close my eyes and moan at the softness of Edward's lips. "You're...so – understanding..." He mumbled to me in between kisses. I curled my fingers into his hair even further, feeling the locks constricting against my skin.

"I'm so proud of you," I told him, trying not to moan again as his teeth touched my earlobe. "I...told you that you could...do it." Edward's lips were creating a fiery and painfully slow trail down my neck, making my train of thought skew. "Just...time..." I didn't make any sense, but as Edward stopped his lips and responded, I knew he knew what I meant.

"Yeah," he replied. "Not tonight." He shook his head a little as it was buried in the crook of my neck. "I need more time. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be...but you make it seem so easy. You're...Bella, you're amazing. So understanding." He began kissing my neck again, more roughly as he quickly made his way to my mouth, finding my lips as though his very being depended on it.

Our lips moved together unlike they ever had before. As I tilted my head, Edward's tongue thrusting into my mouth, I felt different. Edward was so forceful, but at the same time he was gentle. It was a passionate intensity I had never experienced before, and it made my heart rate soar as I realized his confession must have brought on some new emotions for him. I was elated that he was finally finding some sort of relief after years of harbouring this secret like it was fucking Fort Knox. But I also knew that the worst was yet to come.

His parents' names were barely the tip of the ice burg I'm sure, and I knew we still had a ways to go before everything was finally right between us. But as Edward had asked me not to prod, I wasn't going to. For tonight he had revealed enough to me, and right now all I wanted was to focus on him and the new emotions he seemed to be exerting on me.

"Bella, we need to go home, now," he said, his voice throaty and lustful as his hands graced my hips with a sexual magnetism that was more than palpable. I bit my lip, kissing the side of his face repetitiously as I shifted myself on his lap, only to feel Edward's dick re-establishing the fact that, yes, we did need to get home...now.

"I think I agree," I replied with a smile, biting the side of his neck before proceeding to push myself off of him. Edward growled and helped me, starting the car and taking off before my seatbelt was even on. During the drive I could see him looking at me out of the corner of his eye, and every time his line of sight would be rested on the hem of my skirt as it sat high on my thighs.

The fourth time he glanced over I lifted my skirt a bit, taunting him as the car swerved ever so slightly. I grinned at my provocative nature, raising it higher as Edward focussed more on my legs than the road. I dipped my fingers underneath the hem of my skirt, massaging the inside of my thigh as Edward's grip on the steering wheel tightened, and he looked away.

"Are you trying to get us killed?" He growled, the speedometer increasing by at least ten. It made me laugh at how fast he was trying to get home and to be honest it made me wet to think of what he would do to me once we were there. He was in such a state that I wasn't really sure what to expect.

"No," I replied, my fingers still gently ghosting across my leg. "It's not my fault you're watching." I heard him growl as his jaw tensed and his eyes stayed facing the road. I smirked, my fingers still lingering on my thighs as Edward sped up even faster – the speedometer going at least thirty miles over the speed limit. It was almost making me nervous at how fast he was going, but Edward had always driven fast, and he was a good driver. His record was clean too – not even a speeding ticket was on there.

"Why the hell is Forks so far away?" He mumbled, most likely to himself. I could hear his angry grumble though, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to stifle my laugh. Edward was extremely wound at the moment and driving like he was in the fucking Indy 500. Watch out Dale Earnhardt Junior...here comes Edward Cullen.

During the rest of the ride neither of us said anything. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence, it was just...silence. I was still mulling over what Edward had told me; his parents' names – Edward and Elizabeth. I liked them both. His father's name was the same, obviously, and his mother's name was very beautiful – just like I mentioned.

I briefly wondered what she looked like.

Would she look like Esme? What about Edward? I wondered what features of his mother Edward had inherited, as well as the features of his father. I wanted to know what the two people who created Edward had looked like, as the end result was pretty god damn flawless. I felt the car shift abruptly and I was out of my reverie, sitting idly in the Cullen's driveway as Edward cut the engine.

I hadn't even noticed we were back in Forks already.

Edward hastily got out of the car and I followed. He made my heart skip when he waited for me before going up the stairs to the porch. When we were at the top, standing in the small pool of light provided by the porch light, Edward stopped and faced me, holding my hands gently as he tilted his head – that sexy smirk playing on the edges of his mouth.

"So, I had a really great time," he said to me, the smirk still threatening to take over his lips. I smiled back, taking a step closer.

"I did too," I told him, looking up to him through my lashes. I watched as his tongue ran across his bottom lip, making it gleam with his saliva in the dim light.

"Would you like to come inside, for dessert?" He asked seductively, making my knees nearly quiver at the dessert he was referring to. I wanted to play a part though, and biting my lip I responded.

"I'd love to, but I have to get up early tomorrow," I said with a subtle grin. Edward's wicked smile appeared on his face before he pursed his lips, closing the final distance between us.

"Who says you'll be going to sleep in the first place?" He whispered, bending his head down to my neck and biting ravenously on the skin, making my legs finally give out. I clutched onto his hips, and his arms wrapped around my waist, supporting me as his lips suctioned to my throat. When I was stable again I moved my hands around his neck, fisting one hand into the disarray of hair as the other gripped onto his shirt.

"Would it be wrong of us to have dessert on the front porch?" I asked, wildly incoherent and uncoordinated. I heard Edward laugh from his position at my throat and he pulled his head away, smirking at me with soft, glistening lips.

"Esme might kill us," Edward replied, moving away from me a little bit. "We should go inside before we defile the welcome mat."

I laughed stupidly as he pulled me in the front door, the hall light illuminating the way for us. Although I didn't live here, I would be damned if I didn't know this house just as well as my own. I spent just as much, if not more time here, and loved it more than my own house. The Cullen's house was big, like a-movie-star-should-own-it big, but it was comforting. The elaborate decorating styles of Esme, as well as the people that inhabited the house, always made me feel like this _was _my home. Esme had told me more than enough times that I would always be welcome here – no matter what.

As Edward led me by the hand through the front hall, our shoes and coats put away, I could hear sounds coming from the living room. I distinctly heard Emmett's voice, as it was loud and obnoxious. It sounded like he was watching football, because that's always the voice he used when he was watching a game. Emmett didn't have the simple 'indoor and outdoor' voices like everyone else did. Emmett had three volumes: outdoor voice, angry Emmett voice, and his football voice. Right now Emmett was in full out football mode, and I could hear him from the hall.

I watched as Edward shook his head, still leading me down the hall to where a very enthusiastic, football-entranced Emmett surely awaited us. When Edward and I entered the doorway to the living room Emmett and Rosalie were sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the television. Rose was resting in between Emmett's legs as he had them spread out on the couch, but neither of them was focussed on each other – right now it was about the game.

I couldn't believe how into it they both were. Rosalie shocked me when she began speaking in French to the T.V. When she started cursing and using an obscene amount of hand gestures Emmett stopped yelling and looked down to the top of Rosalie's head as she sat directly in front of him. Rose stopped her French rant after a minute and crossed her arms over her chest, puffing it out and sighing as she leant her back against Emmett's chest.

"It's so stupid!" She yelled, frustration dripping on every word.

"Uh...okay," Edward said, taking a step further into the living room.

"Oh..." Rosalie said, swivelling her red face to Edward and me. "Hey you two, I didn't know you were there." Rosalie's face was turning every shade of red as she sat in Emmett's lap, his arms starting to constrict around her waist.

"You have fun?" Emmett asked, Rosalie nestled against every part of him as they sat on the couch, listening to the whistles and calls of the football game.

"Yeah, it was fun," I said to Emmett, smiling and sinking further into Edward's side. The date had gone better than I could have ever imagined. If we had gone on it yesterday, it truly would have been a great birthday.

"Good," Emmett said with his big, heartfelt smile.

"Oh!" Rose then said, twisting her body fully and sitting up a bit. "Edward..." Rosalie trailed off, quirking one eyebrow at Edward. I felt his body shaking with silent laughter as he let my hand go and stepped forward.

"So you didn't forget?" Edward asked, humour apparent in his voice as he dug his hand in his pocket and moved closer to Rosalie and Emmett.

"I may be blond, Edward, but I am not so stupid, you know?" She held out her hand, her nails all perfectly manicured, as Edward placed what looked like sixty dollars in her palm.

"You owe me ten," Edward said, turning around with a grin on his face.

"_You_ owe _me_ ten," she countered. "Think of it as a service charge." Rosalie tucked the bills away in her pocket and snuggled back into Emmett.

"Fine," Edward replied, rolling his eyes as he took up my hand again. "Fucking expensive help you are." I heard Rosalie's laugh tinkling down the hallway as Edward pulled me away. I was confused as hell.

What the fuck just happened? He gave her sixty dollars...for what? She said something about a service charge...and she was expensive help? A serious 'what the fuck' moment was upon me, and I didn't even have a voice to ask Edward what the hell it had all been about. I just let him lead me down the hall, up the two flights of stairs and into his room.

When he closed the door I just stood there, before furrowing my brows and walking slowly over to his bed. I sat down and looked up to him, opening my mouth to ask him what the hell Rosalie had gotten his sixty bucks for.

"Rose helped me...to kind of get ready for our date," he confessed, looking a little embarrassed as he sat down next to me. "That's the reason I'm wearing this." He gestured to his shirt – the sexy, black, button down shirt that had me ogling the small bit of his chest I could see from the three undone buttons at the top. "I told her I looked stupid, and that you would laugh at me if I showed up wearing this."

I couldn't help but laugh now because he was utterly ridiculous for thinking he looked bad wearing that shirt. My first reaction when I saw him had been to lunge at him – jump him and knock him down to the ground so I could rip it off and lick his chest. Since I had really wanted to get on with the date I instead just told him he looked good enough to eat, and proceeded to tease him with my outfit.

"She said she'd bet me fifty bucks that you wouldn't laugh at me...so since you didn't laugh I'm out fifty." I smiled widely at the small wager he had with Rosalie. She is a woman of fashion and men, she knows how women respond to certain things, and knows exactly how I respond to Edward already. She could have put him in water wings and a life jacket and I still would have wanted to jump all over him.

"And she's keeping ten for giving her help," I added, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at cunning Rose. "Pretty expensive date, huh?" Edward moved his hand to cover mine, gently brushing his thumb over the top of my knuckles as he did so.

"It was worth it," he said to me, his deep, green pools entrancing me as I couldn't stop looking into them. I felt myself smile, and oddly enough I found myself blushing. I was actually blushing at something Edward had said to me; it very rarely ever happened that Edward could say anything that made me blush.

"You're worth it," Edward said, his right hand lifting from the bed to brush my hair from my shoulder. I could feel the colour, the compliment, leave my cheeks as hormones pulsed through my body; each nerve ending reacting to Edward's every touch. His hand rested lightly on my shoulder, the mere presence of his fingertips on my skin igniting it with a ferocious intensity that was so strong I could have spontaneously combusted if it were possible.

"I...tonight was –" I swallowed forcefully, trying to find words. "Edward you have no idea what tonight meant to me...what it _means _to me." The entire time we couldn't force our eyes away from each other. I kept staring at him, pouring everything I had felt tonight into him through my held and steady gaze – like it would kill me if I looked away. In a sort of insignificant way, tonight was monumental. It's a ridiculous oxymoron, but it was the only way I could describe the events of the evening. While a thing as simple as a date and a few words as simple as the names of his parents are in reality really quite trivial, for me and Edward they are a colossal step forward.

"Bella...you have no idea how hard I'm trying," he said in a whisper, his piercing eyes hinting at the frustration he felt within himself. "To bring up all these emotions again..." He trailed off shaking his head, bowing it, ripping his eyes from mine. I lifted his face with my finger, watching with agony as his eyes brimmed with tears again. It was painful for him to relive the memory of his parents – I knew something bad had happened to them in the past....to him, them, all of them.

Who knows?

I certainly didn't, and the fact that I couldn't comfort Edward and tell him that everything was alright absolutely killed me.

"I know," I said to him, my hand moving to the side of his face, stroking the smooth skin between his sideburns and ear with my thumb. "I can understand that...just..."

"Time." His voice was barely a whisper, and he leant down to me, so close his nose touched the very tip of mine. My hand fell back, into his hair, and Edward's left hand hugged my hip, while his right rested on the bed next to me. "Bella..." He breathed, his voice noticeably shaky.

I could tell that tonight would be different – the Edward I knew wasn't here. He hadn't been rough, or pushy, or forward like my Edward always had. Now he was being gentle, soothing, loving. Sure he was all those things when we were intimate, but never to such a degree as he was showing me right now. As he gently caressed the small sliver of skin exposed between my shirt and my skirt, I whimpered quietly, revelling in the many sensations his gentler touch was providing me with.

"Edward –" I mumbled, only to have myself cut off by the forceful tenderness of Edward's lips on mine. I nearly whimpered again as the hand he had on the bed reached up to my face, softly rubbing against my cheek as I tilted my head to brush my tongue against his. I felt his fingers slip under the hem of my shirt and he swiftly dragged them along my lower abdomen, igniting a fire in my stomach as my tongue massaged his.

I soon felt myself throbbing for Edward, every single part of me wanted him anywhere and everywhere he possibly could be – and right now he just wasn't. I forced my hand to leave his face as our tongues still explored each other's mouths, and swiftly, but slowly made to undo the buttons of his shirt; the shirt I had wanted to rip from his body the moment I saw him. Edward's hand tightened on my waist as the buttons popped out, one by one, until all that was left was the task of pushing the damn, sexy thing from his shoulders.

I ran both my hands up his chest, scratching lightly with my fingernails as Edward quietly moaned into my mouth, pulling me closer to him, his hands firmly grasping my hips. When my hands reached the top of his torso I mapped out his shoulders, taking my time to linger on his collarbones, trying to memorize everything about the unique qualities that made up Edward. My hands stopped when they reached the ends of his shoulders, and when my fingers ceased their movement I felt a marking on his left shoulder.

It was like the skin had been raised, and if I didn't know better I would have said it was a scar. As I fingered the small piece of skin Edward's tongue withdrew from my mouth and he rested his forehead on my shoulder, trying to catch his breath.

"It's a scar..." He said, his voice strained from being out of breath. Seconds after, he shook his head, and I knew he was still thinking the same thing.

_Not tonight. _

"Sorry," I told him, my voice a hush as I continued on with my hands, sliding them underneath the fabric of his shirt and sweeping it off his shoulders. His head immediately parted from my shoulder and he shrugged out of the shirt, letting the material flutter carelessly to land in a heap on the ground.

My eyes roamed over his chest, the pale perfection that stared back at me always sent my coherency out the window as I found every part of Edward simply delectable. My finger found his chest, drawing a straight line down the middle, past his belly button to outline the thin strip of hair he liked to refer to as the 'treasure trail'. Hell if I didn't agree with him – a heavenly treasure better than any pot of gold was found at the end of that trail.

When I hooked a finger into Edward's jeans his hands found my body again, immediately drawn to my shirt, trying with care to get it over my head. I lifted my arms, ceasing all removal of his pants, as Edward slowly lifted my shirt, grazing his fingers along my sides, skimming them against my breasts. The green material landed with a soft, barely audible thud next to Edward's shirt, and his hands were on me, as mine were on him.

I went for his jeans again, but his hand swept over mine, halting its movements.

"I want this to be about you," he said to me, his eyes raking over my face as he waited for a response. I felt my insides melt just a tiny bit – but I just _needed _him...all of him.

"Edward...I need you," I said to him, my hands gripping his chest as I pulled myself closer. I leant up and pressed my lips to his. He pulled away a second later, his blazing eyes finding mine once more.

"You have no idea how much I want you too," he whispered, his nose grazing my cheek. "But I want this to be about you...think of it as if today was your birthday. I owe you a few presents."

With me whimpering in anticipation – otherwise speechless – Edward began to demonstrate. He moved his hands around to my back, unclasping my bra and whisking it to the ground within seconds. I watched Edward's eyes darken and he squeezed my breasts gently, massaging and lightly tugging on my nipples as my breathing accelerated.

His lips soon replaced his hands, and his tongue was sending a wave of warmth surging through my body as he worked it over my nipple, making it harder than it already was. When I moaned in pleasure his hands pushed against my stomach tenderly, forcing me down so my back was met with the soft comfort of the bed. When I was flat Edward's mouth explored the rest of my stomach, nipping, licking, and sucking at the skin that was there. Goose bumps would form repeatedly as he kept going, making my feelings of anxiety increase to an unbearable degree.

Just when I thought I couldn't handle any more of Edward's lips, his hands hooked on to my skirt, seeking out the zipper that was positioned on the left side. He fumbled for a minute while he searched for it, but when he did it came undone in one fluid motion, falling from my hips, thighs, and ankles before I even knew what was happening.

"As much as I love that skirt," Edward said, pointing to the pile of black on the carpet, "it looks ten times better on my floor." I smirked and sat up a little, resting on my elbows as Edward took me in, left in nothing but the black, lace panties that matched the bra I had been wearing. He just sat there watching me, raking his eyes over my nearly naked body, lingering on my chest as it heaved erratically. It kind of reminded me of when we lost our virginity – just gazing, taking everything in because of how new and real it all was.

After a minute of nothing but Edward's twitching fingers and his erection straining his jeans I sat up, crawling to him, closing the small distance we shared. I placed a wet, warm kiss on his chest, dragging my tongue around his nipple as his hands became mobile again. He pulled me to him, resting me on his lap as his mouth secured itself to mine. I felt the need to try to get his pants off again, but knew my attempts would be futile as Edward's strength was much greater than my own.

When Edward's tongue slipped in my mouth he sat us up, laying me down flat once again while his hands made quick work of my underwear, discarding them with the other strewn garments across the floor. He didn't hesitate before stroking his delicate fingers along my torso, too eager to go slow as they quickly found my wetness. He groaned as his fingers became slick from my arousal, nipping at my neck tenderly as they dropped further down, teasing me at my entrance.

"Edward," I breathed, my hands finding his hair and his shoulders as perfectly natural parts of him to grab on to. "Please..." I felt his thumb lazily circling my clit, but not so much that the throbbing was being satiated in any way – it was only increasing. Edward kissed my neck once more, heightening the pleasure as his thumb dropped again, leaving me anxious and wet and ready.

"Bella?" Edward said, his lips hovering near my ear.

"Hmm?" I managed to sputter, anticipating his fingers, what I knew it would feel like when he slipped them inside of me.

"Touch yourself," he whispered, trailing hot kisses down my face and neck as he removed his fingers from my dripping center.

_Damn him. _

He wants me to touch myself when I want him to touch me more than anything. Well at least this way I won't be teased or taunted, I knew how my own body worked better than anyone. Edward was close though – most times I thought he knew me better than I knew myself.

I sighed when his tongue darted to my collarbone and began to lower my hand, tracing circles along my stomach as I went. I dragged a few fingers along my thigh, watching as Edward's eyes detached themselves from mine and cast a downward stare to where my hand was. Edward removed a hand from the bed and began palming my breast, rubbing and thumbing my nipple as my fingers went to work on myself.

I moaned in pleasure when the two sensations collided, me pleasuring myself while Edward played and furiously tested the strength of my nipple with his fingers. After a few minutes Edward's lip found my chest and neck, and it almost became too much as I found myself dangerously close to my climax. I could hear Edward grunting, his sounds of pleasure as he watched me touch myself. I had done it in front of Edward countless times before, and I knew it only served to turn him on more than he ever had been before – I knew he was reeling right now.

"Edward..." I moaned as he took my flesh in between his teeth. "I'm so close." I kept sliding my fingers in and out, just the way we both liked, and he groaned, tugging my wrist away as his fingers replaced my own.

After that I saw stars.

When his fingers entered me, curling up to hit that spot, I exploded, constricting around his fingers while his mouth and hands were still occupied with the rest of my body. My chest was growing heavy as my head was thrown back in pleasure, my mouth trying to stay shut as everyone was home right now. In the end I did let a few moans escape my lips, but I buried my face in Edward's chest to muffle the sounds.

"God Bella..." Edward said, placing a searing kiss on my lips. "That was so sexy." I pushed back against him, sitting up and forcing myself on him as he complied, parking his ass in the middle of the bed while I straddled him. I didn't want this to be about me anymore, I just wanted him – like right this second.

"I swear to god...if you don't let me take your pants off," I said, kissing him on the mouth, "I'm going to tie you to the bed and rip them off." I felt him smirk against my lips and he gripped my naked hips tighter.

"Maybe I like that idea," he replied, dodging my lips to lunge for my throat. I disregarded his comment and dropped my hands from his shoulders, quickly going to work on his button and zipper. I couldn't get them off while we were sitting like this, so I scrambled backwards off of him as he shed his pants and boxers, my eyes hooding with lust and want just looking at him.

I licked my lips and chewed distractedly as he scooted closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist so our heated, naked selves were touching. Edward's hand explored my back, shoulders, and arms, and to me it all seemed so surreal. While my hands gently rubbed against his thighs my mind was racing. I couldn't comprehend the way he was being so gentle and caring, anticipating my every need and completely disregarding his own.

It nearly made me cry.

I choked on my breath to hold back my sob and carefully touched my shaky lips to his chest, his skin marble smooth and salty sweet. After a few more kisses he lifted my face with his fingers, kissing me again like he had done in the car. It was this that sent me over the edge, and I grabbed onto Edward's hips, pulling him with me as I shifted myself backwards so my head could meet the pillow.

Our lips stayed connected as he parted my legs, positioning himself in the space that I had provided him with. I immediately lifted both my hands, wrapping them around his headboard to prepare myself for him. To my utter surprise Edward reached up too, taking one of my hands off and entwining my fingers with his, bracing himself on the bed with one hand while his eyes found mine and his erection slid into me.

His eyes were locked on mine, and as I remembered back over every time we had had sex, I wasn't sure if he'd ever done that. Half the time I wasn't facing him anyways, and a realization swept over me that, no, he had never been with me like _this _before. He thrusted into me over and over, but it wasn't like it always had been. To me it was more meaningful; his hand was secured in mine and his eyes were drowning my thoughts, making my second orgasm wash over me in a matter of seconds.

Edward picked up the pace a little, and I felt my body turning to mush as his thumb skimmed my side with each thrust and grunt. After a good ten minutes, nothing had changed, and Edward was still being gentle and tame – not rough and forceful like he usually was. I honestly wasn't sure what I preferred; I loved when he handled me roughly, but also couldn't help feeling just as good when he was being more caring.

Then...right when I assumed he was about to cum, he said the three words he had never, ever said to me before when we had sex.

"I love you," he whispered to me, our bodies convulsing at the same time. I turned my face away from his, letting the tears stream down my cheeks as he had just told me loved me while we were having sex. I felt his head fall to the crook of my neck as he stopped thrusting, and I couldn't help when the stupid sob came from my chest. It was so ridiculous – it's not like it's the first time he's ever said it?

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked, a note of concern in his voice as he turned my face back to him. "Why are you crying?" I brought my hands to my face and dried my cheeks, trying to find his eyes in my blurry haze.

"Because..." I trailed off, his loving eyes staring deep into mine as he still held himself inside of me.

Then it hit me. Like a god damn ton of bricks. It hurt my chest, but then I just realized it wasn't actually bricks, it was my happiness. Edward _made love _to me. He didn't fuck me; he didn't pull on my hair or smack my ass. He held my hand, he was gentle, and he told me he loved me. This information only served to make me cry more, tears of utter joy. I felt so ridiculous crying, but I couldn't help it.

"Bella," Edward said to me, removing himself from me and letting his weight press down on me a little bit. "Please stop crying."

"Sorry," I said with a stutter, smiling despite my tears. I was about to open my mouth to continue but my breathing caught when I heard a few knocks on the door.

"Yo Coop!" Emmett yelled from the other side. Oh fuck...oh fuck me, this isn't happening.

"Emmett go away!" Edward hollered back, hastily getting off of me and pointing to the blankets. I scrambled underneath as Edward pulled on his boxers.

"Rose wants to talk to Bella before she leaves," Emmett said through the door. I growled and wiped my cheeks. I was about to get up but Edward pushed me down.

"Can you wait until tomorrow to talk to Rose?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"I don't know what she wants to talk about?" I said with confusion. "Emmett can she call me later?" I asked, raising my voice so Emmett could hear me. I could hear him on the other side, most likely asking Rose if this was okay. Edward got fed up with waiting for a response and went to the door, opening it only enough so he could slip out into the hall.

After I heard raised voices, some laughing, and some angry noises from Edward, he came back in, his face hard lines and his eyes angry. _Please...please don't do this...not now; not after what just happened._ He came back over to the bed, cursing under his breath and crawling on, his boxers still in place. I scooted over and he laid down, his eyes closed as he stayed completely motionless.

"Rose will call you when she gets home," Edward said, his voice strained and controlled. He was mad, worse, he was angry. I willed myself not to cry again because this time they would be sad tears.

"Edward...please, stop doing this." He turned his head, watching me as his brows furrowed.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, the lump in his throat obvious.

"You know what I'm talking about," I said, sitting up, letting the blankets fall to my hips. "Don't you go all quiet and reserved now, not after tonight." I shook my head as I told him this, tensing my jaw to keep the tears in my eyes. He cast his eyes down before he looked back to me, sitting up so we were at the same level.

"Emmett pissed me off," he said in a whisper, keeping his distance from me still. "You know how I get when I'm with you...he interrupted us, and I wasn't impressed. I'm still not." He shook his head now, his eyes pleading with me to understand.

"I know," I replied, nodding to him, telling him I understood. I really did, I did understand why he was upset, but he didn't need to go all 'statue Edward' on me. I couldn't handle it. "Just please don't shut me out right now." I hugged my sides to me, hoping he would see that this can't always be just about him.

"I won't," he said, moving closer. He pulled my hands away from me and motioned for me to go to him. I crawled into his side and he held me there, leaning his back against the headboard. "At least I'm trying not to."

For the longest time we just sat there, the blankets curled up around our bodies, keeping the warmth inside. We didn't say anything, and not until my phone rang did I even move. Of course it was Renee; I thought it would have been Rose, but realized that I had forgotten to tell my mother that I wasn't coming home tonight.

"Hey mom," I said, trying to put on my bra and underwear with the phone nestled in between my head and shoulder.

"Are you at Edward's?" She asked me, her tone a little angered.

"Yeah, sorry, I forgot to tell you." I got the bra on, but was having serious difficulties securing it shut. I felt Edward behind me a second later and he clasped it shut, kissing my shoulder before returning back to the bed.

"Bella you do realize your father is the Chief of Police? Do you know how many times I've had to stop him from going out in the cruiser to look for you when you don't call?" I felt my stomach drop. Charlie wanted to come looking for me?

"Mom...I'm really sorry. I promise I'll call from now on. I just forgot this time, I should have told you before I left." I heard Renee sigh, followed by something in the background from Charlie.

"Be safe honey," Renee said, a blatant double meaning to her words. "Love you."

I cringed at the fact that she knew I was sexually active. "Love you too," I told her back. I hung up the phone and stood in the middle of the room, my bra and underwear on my body the right way by some divine miracle.

"What'd she say?" Edward asked, his languid form splayed across the bed.

"My dad frequently tries to come looking for me if I don't call home," I said with an eye roll, crawling back on the bed. Edward laughed a little, opening his arms and allowing me to curl up there. My phone rang a few minutes later, alerting me to the fact that it was Rose.

"Hey Bella," Rose's voice said to me.

"Hey Rose," I said with a smile. "What'd you want to talk to me about?"

"Oh it's nothing really. Just wanted to make sure we're on for tomorrow. You, me and the little one," she said with a giggle.

"Yes, Rose, we are. I've accepted the fact that you won't let me buy a dress for Formal any later than October." She laughed again and I smiled, loving how fashion made her glow. She and Alice had insisted that tomorrow be another 'girl's night' as Alice needed to tell us how her date went, and I still needed a dress for Formal. Because god forbid...if I don't get a dress now I'll never find one.

"Again, I wanted to make sure. I'll see you tomorrow, Alice and I will pick you up from Edward's at ten," Rose said, her radiance seeping through the phone.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I said, hanging up and putting the phone on Edward's nightstand. "So tomorrow Alice and Rose are abducting me and taking me to Port Angeles to buy a dress for Formal," I told Edward, shaking my head as I thought about those two Nazi's.

"Really?" He asked, his tone dripping with disappointment. "I don't get to spend the day with you? It's Saturday."

"I'm sorry," I said with a frown. "Alice insisted. She wants to talk about her and Jasper." I knew Edward would understand. Lately he had been occupying so much of my time, trying to talk, that I hadn't really hung out with my friends much. Sure I had seen them at school, and I would occasionally see Rose here, but other than that I hadn't had much girl time again.

"It's okay," he said with a shrug. "Can I abduct you on Sunday?" His tone was a little lighter as it became playful. I smiled, but it was interrupted with a yawn.

"I'm all yours on Sunday."

Edward grinned and pulled me to him, wrapping me in the blankets again. I relaxed on his chest, closing my eyes as I was more than thankful that he hadn't shut me out after Emmett interrupted an unnaturally intense moment between us. Edward ran his fingers through my hair, getting stuck often as my hair was a knotted and matted mess. Not long after I felt myself slipping, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep, Edward's arms as my security blanket.

I knew tonight would be different.

---

"Okay Bella, you have to come out," Alice said to me. I could hear her tapping her expensive high-heeled shoe on the floor outside my changing room.

"Alice...good god," I said, opening the door to watch the jaws of Alice and Rosalie drop. I had an _extremely _tight fitting blood red dress on. It had two thin straps that went over my shoulders, and the material rested snugly just above my knees. I felt like a hooker – well not really. I felt sexy, but most likely looked as if I were a hooker. Rose stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loud while Alice beamed at me, giggling excitedly.

"Shit Bella," Alice said, coming over to me, pulling up the bust line so it actually covered all of me. "That dress is hot. Can you imagine what Edward would think when he sees you in it?" I looked into the mirror, tilting my head to examine the dress. I imagined Edward's hands running over the fabric of the dress, feeling me through the material, itching to take it off.

Why whenever I wore something did I imagine him taking it off, not admiring me when it's on me?

I shook my head to get dirty thoughts out of there and refocused on the dress, actually liking the way it looked on me. I smoothed the fabric on my stomach, spreading the wrinkling material so it was no longer wrinkled.

"I think Edward would like this," I said to Alice, biting my lip to suppress my huge, stupid smile. Rosalie appeared on my other side and she smiled at me, shaking her head.

"Bella, Edward will _love _that dress," she said to me, bumping her hip against mine. I grinned and pushed my hip back into her, turning around and looking over my shoulder to get a good look at what this dress did for my ass.

_Hmm, very nice. _

Edward would most definitely be pleased with this dress.

"Alright, sold," I said with a grin, going back into the change room.

"Great!" I heard Alice yell to me. "Now we need shoes, a clutch, some accessories..." I rolled my eyes as Alice listed at least seven extra things I would need to make the outfit complete. "And don't forget you need some new lingerie to go with the outfit." I scoffed, trying to get the dress off without ripping it.

"Alice I do not need new underwear. I have plenty at home." I redressed quickly, getting the shirt over my head and grabbing the dress and my purse before opening the door. Alice stood in front of my stall with her arms crossed, and her eyebrow quirked. Rosalie was standing behind her, leaning against the wall as she waited for me.

"You need new everything," Alice said, sounding so sure of herself, like it was the law. "Your first dance...think of it as a debutante ball." I had to laugh; it was a reference to the O.C. "You would want it to be a memorable experience, yes?" I rolled my eyes, wondering how in the hell someone so small had such a huge influence on me.

"Yes Alice," I said with a grin. "I will buy new _everything._" Usually Alice didn't force things on me, but I think she was having too much fun right now – I couldn't bear it to take that adorable smile off her glowing face.

Speaking of glowing...

After I paid for the dress and we began walking through the mall I decided to bring up her date; the date she hadn't said a word about yet. Yesterday she and Jasper had been just as close as always, so I knew the date had to have gone well. But she also hadn't said anything to me about it yet. She just asked yesterday if we could hang out today, not divulging a single piece of gossip about her date.

"So Alice..." I prompted, swinging my bag at my sides as we walked. "How'd the date go?" I glanced sideways at her and she smiled, wider than I had ever seen in my life.

"Do you want to get lunch and we can talk about it then? I kind of don't want to be walking around and talking at the same time." I nodded and the three of us made our way to the food court, browsing our options. I wasn't too hungry because Esme had made her famous blueberry pancakes for breakfast this morning. She had invited Alice and Rosalie in as well, and all of us sat in the Cullen's dining room, stuffing our faces with Esme's cooking.

Her pancakes were like heaven. She put blueberries in the batter, as well as spreading a delicious home-made blueberry sauce over top, complete with whipped cream, powdered sugar, and fresh strawberries. I was almost salivating thinking about them, when Alice told me she wanted salad and pulled me with her to the line.

Rosalie got the same, as did I, because salad wasn't really filling. When we sat down at a clean table I immediately nagged Alice again as I was eager to hear what had happened with her and Jasper. I knew it had to be good, she couldn't stop smiling.

"So we went to this really low-key restaurant in Port Angeles, which is fine. I don't need some big, fancy, extravagant thing. It was so sweet," she said with a grin, chewing on her lip. "Before we left he took off, and I called him like six times before I heard a knock on the door. I was getting pissed because he wasn't answering me, but when I got to the door...there he was. He had a bouquet of flowers and everything...I think I almost cried."

"That's adorable," Rosalie said, putting a hand on her chest. "Bella got flowers too." Rose winked at me and I shook my head, laughing at her and silently thanking her. She had helped Edward so much.

"Aw, really?" Alice said, beaming at me again. "That's so sweet of Edward." I smiled at Alice, thinking that it was the sweetest thing he'd ever done. "Anyways, mind if I continue?"

"No, sorry," I said to her, waving my hand. "Go ahead."

"Okay, so anyways, we left after that and came to see you. Then we headed to Port Angeles, and had dinner. It was really good, we talked a lot, not just about our parents, but...about our feelings." I watched as Alice's lip left her teeth and she looked back between Rose and me, her eyes not able to contain her happiness or excitement. "It was kind of out of the blue because I was thinking about saying it to him first, but he said he loved me."

She used her fork to push around her salad, her eyes drawn to her movements as that smile still plastered her face.

"He said he thinks on some level he always loved me more than a step-sister...but only just realized it recently. I think it was when I broke up with Scott that I realized I saw Jasper the same way. He said for him it was around the same time too. I mean, I always go to him after something bad happens. He's my safety net; he's always been there for me."

I just listened to Alice speak, noting how similar it had worked out for me and Edward. We had always been close, been there for each other, and then that one day everything just changed. Everything fell into place.

"Anyways, so we confessed that we were both freaking head over heels, which had me on a cloud for the rest of the night," Alice continued, shaking her head and rolling her eyes at herself. "We talked about our parents too. He said he didn't know what to do. The only thing we can do really is to just tell them. He also thinks its better if we wait until after we tell them to have sex." Alice pouted a little bit, pushing her salad around some more.

"Don't you think it might be more difficult that way?" Rosalie asked after swallowing a bite of her salad. "Once you tell them they won't let you be alone together." Rosalie had a good point, they would never have alone time. Alice just shrugged her shoulders.

"I may take Bella up on that offer to use Edward's room," she said to me with a wink. I laughed at her, opening my packet of salad dressing, coating my salad with it. "I'm not too sure really. Right now it's not so much of a concern. I'm more concerned about what our parents will think."

"I think you should just focus on one thing at a time," I said to her honestly. "Take it slow, figure everything out. If you rush things it will only make it worse."

Why did everything I say inadvertently apply to my situation?

I bit my lip, clearing my head of my issues as I focussed on the conversation again.

"I know, we _are_ going to take it slow. That's why we're waiting. I mean...it's not like touching is off limits though," she said coyly, taking her lip between her teeth again. I laughed at Alice as I took a bite of my salad. Rosalie was laughing too. "But yeah, my date was the best, I'm so glad we talked. I feel a lot better, even if we still do have to face our parents."

"I'm really glad Alice," I said to her, watching her little blue eyes light up. "I knew Jasper loved you." She ran her fingers through her hair, tucking some of it behind her ear as she nodded, still smiling.

"How'd your date go?" She asked me, finally taking a bite of her salad. I sighed, not sure where to even begin.

I talked in length about how Rosalie helped Edward, the bet they made, the shirt she had picked out for him to wear. I also told her again he had gotten me flowers, and it was the cutest thing he had ever done for me. Rosalie and Alice were both permanently smiling at me through the entire conversation, hearing a side of Edward _nobody _had ever seen before. I didn't tell them about his confession, or the fact that Edward had made love to me for the first time since we'd been together. Those little bits of information made my night, but they were also too personal for me to tell.

They were for me and Edward only.

"And you," I said to Rosalie after I was done my story. "I saw you pretty cozy with Emmett there." I giggled when Rose's face darkened with her blush, her eyes glancing between Alice and me.

"Last night he asked me to be his girlfriend," she said quietly, lacing her fingers together.

_No WAY!_

"Really?" I asked with excitement, Alice squealing like a little girl at Rosalie's words.

"Yes," she said with a grin. "He told me he doesn't really know what he's doing...but he says he likes me a lot, and he wants me to be his girlfriend, if I wanted to be." Although I was so shocked that Emmett actually had a girlfriend, I couldn't help to feel nothing but extreme happiness for the both of them.

I was glad Emmett was becoming less of a douche bag, and at least trying his hand at monogamy. I think all he needed was to find the right person, and from what I could tell, Rosalie was perfect for Emmett. Hell, she yelled at the T.V almost louder than he did last night; something that stunned big, old Emmett to silence. _Nothing _stunned Emmett....ever.

Enter Rosalie.

"Rose you and Emmett are perfect together!" Alice exclaimed, her tiny hands clapping in excitement. "So I guess we know who you're going to the Formal with." Rose nodded her head and smiled, emitting the same in-love glow as Alice. Even if she didn't know it yet, I knew she loved Emmett. I could tell just by looking at her face when she talked about him.

"Okay ladies," Alice said, standing up with her garbage. "It's time to accessorize Bella. Let's get a move on so we can get home by six."

Six?

That's another four hours? She wanted to shop for another four hours?

"Alice..." I said with disbelief. "It's going to take four hours to find suitable accessories?" Alice laughed and threw out her trash, Rosalie and I following suit.

"To make your outfit perfect you can't rush the expert," Alice said with a wave of her finger. "These things take precious time."

---

Later in the evening, after a gruelling three hours of shopping for accessories, Alice, Rosalie and I went back to Alice's secluded mansion. The sky was dark by the time we got back, and the front light was left on so we didn't kill ourselves on the stairs as we tried to get to the door.

"Hello?" Alice yelled into the foyer of the house when we all stepped inside. We each took off our coats and shoes before hearing some noise coming from upstairs. I saw Karen poke her head over the banister, an exact replica of Alice as she smiled down at her daughter.

"Oh you're back," she said to us, hurrying down the stairs. "Jasper said you would be later."

"We didn't take as long as I thought," Alice said to her mother.

"No it's fine," Karen said with a wave. "Dinner's just not ready yet. Why don't you girls go in the living room, relax. I think Jasper's in there." Alice needed no more invitation. Rose and I followed her as she skipped her way to the living room, buzzing excitedly because she got to see Jasper.

When we got there he was spread out on the couch watching Fight Club. When he heard Alice his face broke out into a massive grin and he stood up to hug her. He was hesitant, but as only Rose and I entered he decided it was alright to kiss her too. Again...the bond they had was so intense I had to look away. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt like I was invading their privacy. I almost thought about pulling on Rosalie's arm and dragging her to another part of the house.

"How was shopping?" Jasper asked, sitting on the couch again with Alice right next to him. Rosalie and I opted to sit on the love seat to give them their own space.

"Long," I said with a laugh, rubbing my eyes because the day-long shopping spree had really tired me out. Jasper laughed too and nudged Alice's shoulder.

"She gets really into it," he said to her with a wink. Alice pouted and crossed her arms, her baby blues betraying the hurt look she was trying to display.

"I can't help it," she said with a shrug.

"I know," Jasper said with a laugh. "Everyone has something. Like me and my painting."

After another few minutes of chatting we all watched Fight Club. It was almost at the end, and by the time the movie was over Karen had come into the room to tell us dinner was ready. Rose and I followed Alice and Jasper to the dining room, but before we entered Jasper stopped me, letting Alice and Rose continue.

"Bella I wanted to say thank you," Jasper said, his voice quiet.

"For what?" I asked him quizzically.

"For being a great friend, not just to me, but to Alice," he said with sincerity smiling my favourite, toothy, Jasper grin. "I think talking with you has really helped her realize that this isn't something to get worked up over. It's really calmed her down." I smiled at Jasper, thankful that my conversations with Alice were giving them some peace of mind.

"Jazz..." I said, shaking my head. "It's nothing really. That's what I'm here for." I motioned to my body and Jasper laughed.

"Still Bells, thanks." He leaned in and hugged me. "I owe you."

* * *

**A/N:** You know I love when you leave me nice comments, telling me what you thought of it.

I added a little more Jasper for you, I'm trying to find ways to weave him in there, as you can never have too much of him ; )

The song quoted at the beginning is Kelsey by Metro Station : )

Again, sorry about the delay, hope the wait was worth it!

**Reviews make Esme cook more delicious pancakes!**


	9. A Day of Rest

**A/N: **I would like to apologize first for this chapter being as late as it is. I was...severely under-motivated to write because of my response from last chapter – or rather lack thereof. I had one review for a week or so after I posted, it was highly depressing. I appreciate those who did take the time to review, **clancy119**, **Claire**, **twifanficfreak**, **XXSkittlesXX**...thanks so much, it means a lot that you reviewed.

With that being said I can't force people to review, and the writing must go on. I did this entire chapter in e.p.o.v, because last chapter was all in b.p.o.v – not by choice, I just sort of rambled and it flowed nicer with no shift in POV.

Hope everyone enjoys this one : )

* * *

"_**You've got to give her some faith,**_

_**Hold her tight, a little tenderness.**_

_**You've got to treat her right.**_

_**She will be there for you, taking good care of you"**_

**e.p.o.v**

On Sunday morning I awoke later than I usually did. The night before I had stayed up well past one in the morning, talking to Emmett about how he had finally grown big enough balls to commit himself to one woman. Although he said he had strong feelings for Rose, he also told me he wasn't quite sure if he knew how to act like a boyfriend. But who was I to give advice? I was the least qualified man on the planet to be giving anyone advice on how to be a 'good boyfriend'. I think lately I was making up for my mistakes, but that didn't mean I knew what I was doing any more than Emmett did.

My actions and words had pleased Bella though, that much I knew for sure. I could feel it radiating off of her from the very moment I told her I needed to tell her something. If I'm being honest with myself, for a split second after I told her my mother's name I felt a deep urge to just spill everything to her. I wanted nothing more than to sit with her in my lap and tell her everything that happened to me in the past. I wanted to tell her about my mother and father, why I no longer lived with them, what happened to them, why I lived with my aunt and uncle now.

But like I said, it was only for a split second and the feeling was gone. It was replaced with an overwhelming sense of loss along with the welcome feeling of relief. Even if it was only a small, miniscule piece of information, the burden of my words lifted from my shoulders like the confession weighed a hundred pounds. I knew it was insignificant, but to me it was difficult, and very emotionally draining.

I rolled over on my bed, still wondering why I had woken up later than I ordinarily did. My clock told me it was just after six, and I furrowed my brows, trying to remember the last time I had woken up at six. I found it strange that I was waking up later than normal, usually the time I went to sleep never had an affect on the time I woke up; my internal alarm clock rarely faltered.

I wasn't sure, but I was beginning to think that it was because of the fact that I was feeling more at peace than ever. Although I still had years of information to tell Bella, I think telling her something small eased my mind and made it easier for me to sleep. I had slept a bit later yesterday as well, but not so much that I really took notice; it was only by fifteen minutes.

I got up out of bed with a groan, feeling the ridiculously unnecessary erection against my pyjama pants as I made my way into the bathroom. I leaned in the shower stall and turned it on, letting the hot water fill the bathroom with steam as I stripped, leaving my bottoms on the counter-top. I sighed as I stepped in the shower, the warm water making the tension and worry melt away, leaving my mind free of bad thoughts.

With those thoughts gone all I could think about was Bella; Bella and that night. After telling her something so personal to me I felt more than connected to her, like I had just bared my soul and she had accepted me with open arms. I knew it wasn't the same, but that's the way I had felt, and when we got home that night I couldn't be rough with her.

To me she looked like an angel, something that was inhumanly beautiful and yet surprisingly fragile. She had been understanding and caring, as well as patient and quiet. Although she had asked me a question, I felt I could answer it, if for no other reason than the fact that she deserved it. But when we got home I couldn't maim that image of her, the one that was so pure and innocent. I felt that roughing around with her or talking dirty to her wasn't right, that it wasn't what I was supposed to do.

I treated her as if she were some precious, rare being that I had just discovered. I wanted to explore her body and memorize every feature. I wanted to make sure everything about her –her lips, her breasts, her stomach – were all cared for at length, as all of them meshed together created Bella. After feeling every part of her I couldn't find it in myself to even tug on her hair because I could feel what my every touch and caress was doing to her. She not only liked it rough, but she liked it when I was gentle.

Then, when we had sex, I knew she could feel it just as much as I could. I could see it in her eyes when she turned her face from me and cried, and I could feel it in her hand as she squeezed mine passionately. That night I made love to Bella, and I knew she felt it too. I hadn't realized it at the time, only when I saw her cry did I understand what this had meant to both of us.

It was after I told her I loved her.

I loved Bella with every fibre of my being, and always felt connected to her when we had sex, but never to such a degree as I had the other night. Since my mouth was always occupied with talking dirty, or moaning Bella's name, I never even thought to tell her I loved her, to tell her how much she meant to me. But when I felt myself cum the other night, buried deep inside Bella, those words just felt right to come off my lips. She deserved to know how much I cared for her and how much I needed her.

It was at that point that I felt my weakest. I had never felt anything like it before, and to have Emmett fuck up that moment was almost too much for me to handle. I wanted to dart out of the room and punch the son of a bitch in the face, but I surprisingly restrained myself, and politely told him to screw off because he was interrupting us. After he had laughed at how obvious I was he left with Rosalie, and I couldn't help but feel anger as I walked back into my room.

One of the most intimate moments of my life, hell, the _most _intimate, and he comes along and screws that shit up. I was more than pissed. But Bella had felt the connection too, and felt just as vulnerable as I did. She knew I was shutting down, falling into one of my moods, and for once I pulled myself out and offered comfort to my girlfriend. Probably the single most special moment of my life is when Bella crawled naked into my arms, lying across my chest after we had just made love.

Although it was ruined by Emmett, the feeling of her in my arms afterwards is something I wouldn't trade for the world. It was an experience that only Bella and I shared, and to me it meant more than any spoken word or grand gesture.

I felt a shiver run down my spine, alerting me to the fact that my shower had turned cold. I had been standing with both my palms against the wall, letting the water soak every inch of me in a bid to forget my problems. As the cold water abruptly jolted me from my brief daze I returned to reality once again, feeling the weight on my shoulders as I was still in the same situation.

Although the shower had calmed me down and made me forget about my worries, the soothing hot water was gone, and comfort no longer rested within the walls of my shower stall. I turned off the tap and quickly got out, my body shivering as I picked the towel up from my counter, wrapping it around myself to retain some body heat. When I was dry I put my pyjama pants back on and dropped the towel onto the floor, going back into my room once I had brushed my teeth.

My bedroom was dark when I re-entered it, the pale, white moonlight shining in through the sliver of the window being the only source of brightness within the room at all. I looked over to the nightstand and saw that I had spent half an hour in the shower; it was only six-thirty. I knew Bella slept later than that, and actually felt upset at the fact that I wouldn't be able to see her just yet.

I turned to my left, to the large, floor-ceiling bookcase that stood against the wall at the foot of my bed. It was filled to the top with countless books and knick knacks, most of which I had collected over the years or had received as gifts. Running my fingers along the bindings, some more worn than others, I decided to continue reading one of my newer purchases.

I was only a few chapters into _The Kite Runner _and so far it had caught my attention. I hadn't found much time to read it though as my mind had frequently been elsewhere, effectively making it difficult for me to focus on something that required my full concentration. I picked _The Kite Runner _from my shelf and went over to my bed, turning on my bedside lamp before I relaxed comfortably, opening the book to where I had left off.

Before I knew it, two hours had passed. I was more than half-way done the book and wanted to keep reading because it was getting good, but decided to put it away as I could hear Carlisle and Esme downstairs. I slid the book back into its position on my bookcase and went over to my dresser. I changed into jeans and a T-shirt, turning off my lamp before going downstairs to the kitchen – where I could hear their voices coming from.

"Oh..." Esme said, trailing off when she saw me enter the kitchen. She and Carlisle both gave me semi-awkward smiles, telling me they were most likely talking about me before I came down here. "Good morning sweetheart."

"Morning," I said with a forced smile, walking over to Esme. She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me while I softly kissed the top of her head.

"How did you sleep?" She asked, going over to the pantry to pull out some pancake mix. I shrugged and sat down at the table, watching across from me as Carlisle read the morning paper.

"Alright," I replied with a yawn. Esme smiled at me and put the mix on the counter as she went over to a cupboard and pulled out a large bowl.

"Would you like some pancakes?" Esme asked, fluttering about the kitchen, gathering everything she needed to make her infamous blueberry pancakes.

"No thanks," I said with a shake of my head. Esme turned and looked at me concernedly. "I sort of wanted to take Bella out for breakfast."

"That's very sweet," she replied, her soft features smiling affectionately at me. I had told Esme yesterday about my confession to Bella. I swear to god she almost cried because she said she was so proud that I was finally getting it all off my shoulders. "Bella would love that." I smiled back at her and nodded my head – she would love it.

The next half an hour I spent my time talking to Carlisle and Esme. We mainly discussed current events, school, and some plans Esme had for the backyard. While we already had a pool back there, Esme was very keen on convincing Carlisle to get a hot tub. Carlisle had rolled his eyes at her and laughed because Esme was giving him that look – the one he could never say no to. Esme would pout her bottom lip and give him those big doe eyes; Carlisle was done for, and caved. We were getting a hot tub.

"I'll be back later, I think we're just going to spend the day here," I said to Esme, rising from my seat.

"Okay honey, have fun," she said to me, standing up to clear the dishes she and Carlisle had made.

"I will," I said, turning from the kitchen to leave. I went back up to my room and picked up my phone, settling down on my bed as I dialled Bella's number.

"Hey," she said on the third ring.

"Hey," I replied airily. After being so open and honest with her a few days ago, it almost pained me not to be with her right now. Since then I had just wanted to hold her close to me, never letting her go for one second. I had barely been with her at all yesterday, and right now just hearing her voice made me grin like a retard.

"How are you?" She asked, her tone similar to mine.

"I'm great now," I replied, slipping my arm underneath my head. "How about you? How'd you sleep?"

"I slept pretty well, but my mom was up early this morning making a shit load of noise, vacuuming and cleaning..." I could picture her face as she told me this – she would most likely be rolling her eyes and shaking her head. I smirked.

"That's annoying," I told her. She laughed and told me she agreed. "Hey, do you want to go out and get breakfast?" She didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Are you asking me out on another date?" She asked. I smirked.

"Would you say yes if I _was _asking you out on another date?"

"Hmm..." She said, trailing off to ponder my question. "Possibly, my last date went pretty well." I grinned.

"You're telling me? The girl I went out with actually put out on the first date," I replied. She laughed loudly into the phone.

"What a slut," she said, trying to suppress her giggles. "I guess you were too much to resist."

"Must have been the shirt."

"Ha, yes, it must have been the shirt," Bella said with a laugh. "So you want to go out for breakfast?"

"Yeah, if you want to?"

"Sure," she said, "where'd you want to go?"

"Unless you want to go to Port Angeles, there's really only the Forks Diner," I said with a slight laugh.

"That sounds perfect," she replied. "Want to meet me there?"

"No...?" I said, shaking my head although she couldn't see. "I'll pick you up."

"Okay," she agreed quickly. "I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in ten."

We said goodbye and I hung up, sliding my phone in my pocket as I collected my keys and wallet from the nightstand. I grabbed my favourite brown jacket from the closet and put it on as I made my way down the stairs. I slid on a pair of shoes and left out the front door, subjecting myself to the light mist that was falling around Forks. I felt my cheeks dampening from the moisture in the air, welcoming the amount to which my skin was cooling from the feeling.

I got in the Volvo and headed to Bella's, finding myself there within minutes, pulling into her driveway behind her rusted red truck. I was about to get out when I saw the front door open and Bella stepped out, wearing a tight fitting black coat, complete with jeans and a pair of sneakers. She closed the door and ran out into the rain, slipping into the passenger seat with a smile on her face.

"Hey," she said, sounding out of breath.

"Hi," I replied, leaning towards her. I watched as she licked her lips before ours connected, my heart giving off an unusual reaction as her mouth moved against mine. My breathing staggered after a minute and I had to pull away, having her all right now was somehow almost too much. "You hungry?"

"Yeah," Bella replied, nodding her head against my own. I kissed her once more before I pulled away, backing out of the driveway so we could get to breakfast. The diner was only minutes away from Bella's house, as everything always was in this town, and when we got there the parking lot was almost full. Since this was the only diner between here and Port Angeles, I had a feeling that nearly half the town was packed into this small restaurant.

"Shit..." Bella said, looking out the window as I parked. "Looks busy."

"I know," I said, killing the engine as I looked at the diner. "Do you mind if we wait?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I don't mind, I'm just hungry."

We got out of the car and walked to the diner; I took Bella's hand and laced her fingers with mine, glancing sideways as she smiled, my heart reacting strangely again. We entered the diner, a loud bustling of noises assaulting our ears. I could hear dishes clanking along with the incessant chatter of the customers, making my head almost spin with how many people were actually in here.

"Hi there," a clearly flustered waitress said to Bella and me. "We're a little busy, so you may have to wait a few minutes." She brushed the hair out of her face and smiled tentatively.

"That's fine," I replied, pulling Bella with me to the small bench near the doorway. We sat and watched, taking everything in.

"What do you think her story is?" Bella asked, watching the waitress fly around the diner, going into the back and coming out again with trays of food.

"I don't know," I said thoughtfully, "she looks young. Maybe she's working here to pay her way through college."

"Maybe," she said, leaning up against me. I draped an arm across the front of her, securing her to myself, letting the world know she was mine. "Or maybe she needs the money because she has a kid."

I shrugged my shoulders and we continued on like that until we were seated. We made up stories for the waitress, a young couple sitting near the back, and a group of older people sitting in a booth. It was fun observing people, watching how they reacted to one another, how they laughed at and with each other. It was like Bella and I were in a protective bubble, observing the outside world as if it were foreign to us.

"Everything looks so good," Bella mumbled, her eyes scanning the menu. I smirked, watching her as she bit her lip when she saw something good.

"Get whatever you want," I told her. She looked up and smiled, setting the menu down on the table.

"I think I'm going to get the 'hungry man'," Bella said with a laugh. I couldn't help but laugh back; I wanted to get the same thing.

"Me too, we sure are hungry men aren't we?" Bella crossed her arms over her chest and smirked, nodding her head at me afterwards.

She was so god damn cute.

The waitress came back a minute later and took our order. While we waited for our meal we talked quietly, but for the most part we just kind of stared at each other. They weren't stares of intensity, there was no intention behind the way I was looking at her – I simply wanted to watch her. After a night as perfect as Friday I somehow needed to make sure she was even real.

I had been so scared at the beginning that anything I told her would make her run in the other direction; never to look back. I know simple names wouldn't possibly send her for the hills, but it still relieved me that she had actually been there for me and cared for me, she was by my side after I was honest with her. After my heart flipped in my chest for the umpteenth time since I'd seen Bella this morning I now knew why it kept doing that.

After all was said and done...after we passed this major hurdle in our relationship, I knew she would hold up her end of the bargain. I knew that once I told her everything – from my childhood, to that fateful day when I was thirteen – she would still be with me. She wouldn't judge me, placing blame and accusations like my father had once upon a time. She would sit there like she had on Friday, listening patiently, calming me down as I cried.

As long as I promised to tell her everything she would never leave me.

______

I awoke with a start, feeling disoriented as I couldn't remember falling asleep. I opened my eyes, and both felt and saw Bella spread out across my chest, her lips moving slightly as she mumbled in her sleep. We were in the living room and had been watching a movie, lounging around and relaxing like we used to do. I furrowed my brows and turned my head to the flat screen; the credits had long since been over and the movie had started again of its own will. The beginning of Shaun of the Dead was playing, and I laughed when Simon Pegg's character goes into his backyard to find a woman staring blankly at the ground. I laughed because he and his friend thought she was drunk.

Classic movie.

I felt Bella stirring on my chest and cursed internally; I hated to wake her up.

"Ouch," she said, placing her hand on her neck, leaning up to tilt it from side to side. "I think I slept on it funny." I replaced her hand with my own, helping her to massage the kink from her neck. "Mmm, that feels really good."

"Yeah?" I asked, kneading her skin with a firmer grasp, making her eyes close. She moaned a 'yes' and I moved my other hand to her hip, finding that all the blood in my body had quickly drained south. When she moaned again I grabbed her by the hips with both hands, pulling her up so her face was level with mine. Her thigh rested against my crotch and my erection throbbed against her leg at the contact. She raised her brows and smirked.

"See what you do to me?" I asked her, lifting my hips to hers, finding that she met me halfway as she ground herself onto me from above.

"You should feel what you do to me," she whispered, her voice dripping with sex. It was my turn to moan and I grabbed her by the back of the head, mashing my lips to hers as I sat up a little, pulling her with me. My leg slid up, in between her legs, and I forced her hips downwards, catching her moan in my mouth as my actions gave her the friction she craved.

"I bet you're wet already, aren't you Bella?" I asked, roughly connecting my leg with her crotch again. She moaned and nodded her head, her hot breath spreading over my face with each ragged exhale.

"I'm so wet Edward," she moaned quietly into my ear, sucking my earlobe into her mouth. My body erupted with a shudder and I gripped her hips again, rubbing her against my thigh, feeling hers as it brushed against my cock. "Only you do this to me." She nibbled on the side of my neck, my heated skin tightening each time she took it between her teeth.

I grabbed one of her hands and dragged it down my torso, rubbing both of our entwined hands along the length of my dick, looking into Bella's eyes as she felt how hard I was.

"That's all you," I said to her, letting go of her hand as it did all the work. She kept feeling me through the rough material of the jeans, palming my cock with just the right amount of pressure. I started to move her hips against my thigh, an aroused moan of approval from Bella when her hips were being continually pushed down by my hands.

"I need more," she whispered, her voice throaty and seductive. I stopped moving her hips and swiftly undid the front of her jeans, straightening out my leg so she was flat once again. She continued to stroke me through my pants as I slipped my hand inside hers, passing the lacy material of her underwear before my fingers felt the smooth skin of Bella awaiting me underneath. I slid two fingers down her slick folds, smirking when I felt her.

"Fuck Bella, you're soaked," I told her, leaning up to press my lips to her chin. She moaned exceptionally loud when I slid two fingers inside of her and I used my free hand to silence her. "You have to be quiet," I whispered, pumping my fingers in and out as best I could. She nodded her head and bit her lip to keep her mouth shut. Soon Bella could feel me wanting more as well, and without me asking she furiously opened my jeans and stuck her hand inside, her soft, warm palm stroking my cock.

"You love the idea of being caught, don't you?" Bella asked, gripping me a little tighter as I brushed my thumb along her clit. Her hips bucked into me and she moaned loud again.

"Not as much as you do," I replied, my breath escaping me in short rasps. "You want me to finger you in the living room, where anyone could come in, at any time. Someone could walk in and see my fingers entering you, fucking your wet pussy."

"Edward..." She breathed into my neck.

"Admit it Bella," I whispered back, my fingers sliding easily in and out of her. "Tell me how badly you want to cum."

"I want to so bad, Edward," she said to me, pumping me in her hand even faster. "I'm so close."

I could hear the sounds of the rest of the house over Bella's voice and the movie. I could hear Esme's heels as they clicked down the hall. I wasn't sure if her destination was the living room – either way it was risky.

"I can hear Esme out in the hall," I told her, curling my fingers up inside of her, her mouth opening to moan. I covered it quickly, pumping my fingers even faster. "What if she walked in here and saw you like this? What if she saw you writhing on top of me as you came?"

Bella's body convulsed on top of mine and her hand stopped moving; her entire frame shook as her orgasm rocked through her. I gently slid my fingers out of her, re-fastening her jeans shut as I could still hear Esme in the hall. Although I had used that piece of information to make her cum faster, I was honest about the fact that I could hear her. I contorted my arm and tried to get my jeans done up as well, but Bella stopped me.

"What about you?" She asked as her tiny brows knit together, a light sheen of perspiration gracing her forehead.

"Later," I replied. "I can actually hear Esme."

Bella's face drained of its blood. "I thought you were just saying that."

"I was...but I was being honest." I gently covered my erection with my boxers and my jeans, doing them back up just as Esme passed by the living room.

"Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes," she said, barely stopping to poke her head inside the room to speak to us. Bella placed a hand over her chest, her breathing staggered.

"Shit, that was close," she said to me, breathing heavily. I smirked, running my fingers through my hair as Bella sat up a bit more. Her palm was instantly back to my persistent erection, gliding along the front of my jeans, making the knot in my stomach tighten.

"I know you don't want to wait until later," she said to me knowingly, pressing her body tightly to mine, her breasts resting against my chest.

"No," I said dumbly, shaking my head at her. Since all I had to do was accept the pleasure I turned into a pile of mush, watching Bella's lips like my life depended on it.

"What do you want, Edward?" She asked me, her tone all kinds of seductive as she pressed her hand down harder. I groaned, fisting my hand into the couch while the other gripped the back of her T-shirt.

"You know what I want," I nearly growled, pushing her body further into mine, telling her I wanted _her. _

"Mmm, I'm not sure that I do, why don't you tell me?" She slowly unbuttoned my jeans again, the warm skin of her hand grasping my hard dick once more. "You know, if you tell me what you want...I might give it to you," she taunted. Another wave of heat flooded through me and I groaned, lifting my hips when her hand moved in a downwards motion.

"I want...this," I told her, brushing my thumb along her lips. Her brows rose, as if this information were a shock to her.

"Is that so?" She asked, slowly descending my body, doing exactly as I asked. "I know you like my mouth. What was it you said about it, about the way it felt?"

Her mouth was divine; it was hot and wet and tight. Despite how much I wanted her mouth on my cock, I knew it was more than risky doing that in the living room – in plain sight.

I growled and pushed her off of me, doing my jeans back up and grabbing her hand as she stuttered, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing. I wasn't going to make it to my bedroom because I was too god damn worked up, so I pulled her with me to the bathroom around the corner. I dragged her inside and shut the door, locking it once we were in there.

"Edward...wh –" I pressed my lips to hers, pushing her up against the wall as she finally got the hint and undid my pants. She slipped the material of my boxers and jeans over my hips, letting them fall carelessly to the ground as she detached her mouth from mine. She wriggled from my grasp and dropped to her knees.

_Hot. Wet. Tight. _

All I could think about was the way her mouth felt as she took me in fully. I groaned and planted my hands firmly on the wall, where Bella's head had been moments before. I felt my cock hit the back of her throat and I closed my eyes, resting my head against the wall as I tried to keep my balance.

"Bella..." I breathed, taking a hand off the wall, grabbing a handful of her hair instead. I was already so close because of before, and the way she kept moving her head had me desperately trying to suppress my moans. "Fuck."

She started going faster, knowing the way my body worked like it was fucking science. The speed soon had me seething, and as I felt myself nearing the back of her throat I came hard, the muscles of my legs twitching like I was having a seizure.

I cursed into the quiet confines of the bathroom, holding myself still inside Bella's mouth as she swallowed me down. She removed me from her mouth a minute later, trailing her hands up and down my bare legs, smirking up at me through her lashes. I pulled her wrists and she stood before me, such an innocent look on her face.

She was so deceptive.

"I told you that you wouldn't be able to wait," she said with a smug look on her face, her body mere inches apart from mine. I leaned down, tilting my head and staring at her, trying to be dominant as she cowered against the wall.

"If it weren't for dinner I'd take you right here, in this bathroom," I said to her, trailing a finger along the underside of her jaw. "I'd make you scream – loud....and then what would you say to Esme?"

She whimpered, fisting her hand in my shirt. "I'd tell her that her nephew was busying himself giving me multiples in her elegantly decorated bathroom," she said, her eyes wild and gleaming as she landed her gaze on my lips. Despite the amount to which I wanted to fuck her into the wall right now I had to laugh. Imagining Bella saying something like that to Esme made me smirk.

"You would never say that," I laughed to her, shaking my head. She rolled her eyes and loosened her grip on my shirt.

"Probably not," she admitted, "I'd most likely die of embarrassment before being banished from your house forever." I shrugged, bending down to pull my jeans back on as they were still pooled in a heap around my ankles.

"I don't think she would banish you, that's a little harsh," I said to her, reaching up to smooth the hair from her face. Her eyes fluttered closed and I pulled her close to me, encircling her with my arms, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

I wasn't sure why, but right now I was confused.

The polar opposite feelings from Friday collided with the emotions I was feeling today; they were stark in their contrast. I could discern the difference, yet I strangely felt the similarities. Friday had me practically on my knees, before Bella, confessing to her a part of my past. I had felt weak and insecure, needing her approval to ease my mind of the thoughts of her ever leaving me. But while I had felt all that, afterwards had been bliss; I felt a deep connection surging through me, much like I had felt just now.

The difference was my frame of mind. While then I had been weak, insecure, and exposed, today I had been confident, calm, and collected. This is the way I usually was, the norm that I was accustomed to. But while I had my familiar norm, I was somehow stuck in the middle, straddling the line between my comfort zone and the unchartered territory we had entered on Friday.

While I wanted to make her weak in the knees, screaming my name as I made her cum, I also wanted to feel that again – that thing inside of me that made my heart react like it was being hit with a defibrillator. It was the reason I affectionately brushed her hair away, pulling her close so I could feel her warmth against me. I wanted, no craved, that longing for her to be next to me after being intimate. It was so much stronger than before though, now it wasn't simply just by habit, it was something I _wanted. _

"We should get out of here," Bella whispered. I swallowed loudly, clearing my throat as I had been deeply engrossed in my thoughts, hugging Bella's shoulders as she rested her head against my chest.

"Yeah," I whispered back, kissing her hairline as I pulled her from the bathroom.

______

"You're getting a hot tub?" Bella asked excitedly, her fork stopping in mid-air as she looked to Carlisle. He straightened his back and looked to Esme, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth. He would give that woman anything she wanted.

"Yes, Bella, we are. After...much consideration, we have decided to get one." I scoffed, trying to cover it up with a cough. _Come on Carlisle, Esme all but begged you to buy one – don't lie. _

"That's so exciting, I've never been in one before," Bella remarked thoughtfully.

"You haven't?" Rosalie asked. We were all sitting at the dinner table, us three _couples, _the six of us. Esme had cooked two rather large chickens, mashed potatoes, along with boiled corn and carrots. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting across from Bella and me, while Carlisle and Esme claimed either end of the table.

"Nope," Bella said with a shrug. Come to think of it...neither had I.

"I haven't either," I said, spearing a baby carrot and stuffing it in my mouth. The buttery and salty taste assaulted my tongue – fucking delicious carrots. Bella glanced sideways at me; we had so much in common, yet were strikingly different.

"Well then, we'll have to get everyone over once we get it," Carlisle said with a smile, cutting up a piece of chicken. "Will you be able to get out sometime tomorrow to pick one out?" His question was directed at Esme, and as she chewed she furrowed her neatly sculpted brows in concentration.

"I should be able to," she replied, nodding her head, most likely still trying to think if her schedule was clear. "I have an appointment in Port Angeles in the morning, after that I think I could stop in and look for one."

"Perfect," Carlisle replied with a grin.

For the rest of the meal we all casually chatted, Emmett and I bickering playfully, Bella and Rosalie laughing. I felt wave after wave of normalcy washing over me. I was actually _joking _around with Emmett. It all felt so natural, so normal, so...me. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but I was slowly feeling the shift, the change in person. It was a little scary; I'm not going to lie, but seeing Bella's smiles and hearing her laughter was well worth whatever the hell it was I was feeling.

"Please, Bella, sit down, you're our guest," Esme reasoned, taking a plate from Bella's hand. I watched as Bella rolled her eyes and began gathering my plate and utensils.

"Esme, if you had said that to me four or five years ago, maybe I'd give it to you. But not now, I haven't been a _guest _in your house for a long time. This is practically my second home, please let me help clean up," Bella said, standing to my left with a handful of dishes, staring at Esme who was on the other side of me. I watched as they exchanged knowing smiles, and both went off to the sink, clearing away the dinner dishes. I helped with what I could, observing Bella for the most part, watching her as she did what felt normal to her.

_This is practically my second home..._

That was the truth for the both of us, although for me this _was _my second home. I hated to admit it, but I had a home in Chicago. It wasn't much of a home with what happened there, but it was a home nonetheless. I sat down in my chair again once the dishes were cleared, and just watched Bella while she rinsed them before putting them in the dishwasher. Esme was refrigerating the leftovers, while Rosalie was cleaning the dishes that couldn't go in the dishwasher.

"Hey man," Emmett said, coming back into the kitchen, taking up a spot next to me.

"Hey," I said, turning my head from the sight of Bella. Emmett was a different person too, doing things he'd never done before. Unchartered territory alike; Emmett and I were frightened. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, scratching the little stubble he had on his face, tilting his head to look at Rose. "I just...I don't know. I really don't know where to go from here. I don't _hang out _with girls." I rolled my eyes.

"Your best friend is a girl," I pointed out. He furrowed his brows. "I know more than half the time Bella acts like you, but I know you realize she's not a man Emmett. How do you act normal around her but not Rosalie?" He swallowed forcefully.

"I think it's because I know how I feel about Bella. She's always been my best friend. Fuck, I know she's hot, but she's _Bella_," he said with a shrug. I tensed my jaw and swiped my knuckles across his knee. "Ouch, fuck, sorry. But seriously, come on Edward. Everyone knows Bella's good looking."

"I know that," I said through clenched teeth. I knew that probably half the male population of Forks High saw Bella as more than attractive, but hearing about it made my body temperature rise until I saw red. "Anyways...so what, you don't know how you feel about Rose?" Emmett rubbed his knee where I had hit him and shrugged.

"I think it's because of _what _I feel for her that's got me freaking. Like...if I'm with Bella and were joking around everything's cool, I know we're fine because it's what we do. I have no idea how to act around Rose though, don't know what to say. I don't want to joke about something that will set her off or make her upset. I'm...so at a loss right now man."

_Me too, Emmett...you have no idea. _

"Just be you, Emmett. You'll fight, you'll get mad at her...believe me you'll want to kill each other," I said with a laugh. Hundreds of times I wasn't sure whether I wanted to strangle Bella or fuck her. "But you'll work through it. Look at me and Bella."

"You two fight like a fucking lion and lioness," he replied with a chuckle. "And most times it's the lioness I'm scared of." My body shook with laughter; I was sometimes frightened of her too. It's when she got scary calm that I knew I was in for it – that raging silence was the worst.

"I know, but you can't expect to have a perfect relationship. I think having issues is actually important to a real relationship. I mean...not seriously fucked up problems, but it's inevitable to not get into arguments, especially with you." I nudged Emmett's arm and he growled, the sound muffled as he tried not to laugh.

"Yeah...but she's so different from anyone I've ever met," he said, his voice distanced as he watched Rosalie dry some dishes. "I never know with her, I don't know what to expect. She surprises me with the things she says, and when she speak in French..." Emmett turned to me, his features twisted with painful pleasure. "I've never heard anything sexier." I grinned and shook my head, oh how he was falling for her.

"But how do you feel about her?" I asked, trying to keep my voice lowered so the girls couldn't hear us.

"It's nothing like I've ever felt," he told me, keeping his voice surprisingly controlled as well. Emmett usually struggled to make his voice a whisper. "I want to be with her...all the time. When I'm not, I kind of...I don't know..."

"You want her there."

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head. "And when she's with me I smile, like a fucking fool. She's such an amazing person. I don't want to ever _not _be with her."

_Sigh...that's what I feel with Bella. _

Although I had left her enough times, I never did it because I didn't want to be with her. How could I have been so stupid all these years, blindly ignoring what was right in front of my face? It didn't matter what our problems were, what I had faced in the past. She was my girlfriend, my Bella; she fully deserved to know what happened to me. Confiding in each other and caring for each other, knowing the other would be there no matter what – _that's _what love was, and I loved Bella.

"You love her," I said absently, sort of forgetting Emmett was even there still. I wasn't sure if I was speaking to myself or to him, but Emmett stared at me with wide eyes. I decided to snap myself out of my haze and talk to him. "That's the way I feel about Bella."

"Whoa...but – I..." He stammered, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck. "I don't think I do..."

"Maybe not yet," I said, searching the table intricately, looking for god knows what as I tried to form words. "But you will...I can tell."

"Hey," Bella greeted lightly, resting her hand on the back of my chair. I looked up from the table and saw her and Rose standing behind us, both all smiles and bloody perfection. "What's up?"

"Guy stuff," Emmett replied, glancing to me before he looked up to Rosalie. She rolled her eyes at him.

"You always say that," she laughed, shaking her head. He grinned at her and stood, wrapping his arms around her waist as she giggled.

"You okay?" Bella asked. I tore my eyes away from Emmett and Rose and watched her, standing behind the chair awkwardly. I pulled her by the wrist and sat her in my lap, watching her face as she smiled and the blush as it crept up her neck.

"I'm great," I told her, nuzzling my face into the side of her breast. Her chest shook with her laughter and she curled her arm around my neck.

"Want to watch another movie? Rosalie wants to watch one and asked if we would join them," she said to me. I was vaguely aware of the fact that Emmett and Rose and Esme were still in the kitchen as Bella and I sat so intimately. It really didn't bother me anymore.

"Sure," I said with a grin, looking up to her face; her eyes were more than peaceful. They were the eyes of my angel, the one who would be my saviour. "I don't want to pick though." She grinned; she knew I really hated to pick movies sometimes.

"Rose wants to pick," she assured me, placing her feet on the floor for leverage as she stood up. I stood as well and thanked Esme for dinner, following Bella, Rosalie, and Emmett down the hall to the living room. Bella flopped unceremoniously onto the love seat and I slipped my arms beneath her, lifting her small frame to put myself under first. She squealed with laughter as the light touch of my fingertips got at her ribs.

"Edward..." She gasped through her laughter as we sat on the couch; her hips nestled at the opening between my thighs. "Stop..." Despite how much I was enjoying her laughter, I stopped because she asked me to. I brushed my fingers along her torso, resting my hands against her hips as Emmett turned off the lights and the movie started.

Rosalie had chosen a thriller, and most likely one of my favourites: The Shining. I was surprised, almost shocked actually. I half expected her to pick some sort of chick-flick, or at least something that wasn't anything like The Shining. Emmett was right...you never know what to expect with Rose.

Although it was an older movie, and horror flicks these days made you jump a lot more, The Shining was still seriously fucked. Jack Nicholson, as far as I was concerned, was a complete genius in the movie. Some parts were messed up, while others were just genuinely creepy. I mean, what was with the fucking man and that thing dressed as a gopher, or whatever the hell it was? What the _fuck? _That shit just isn't normal.

I had my hands rested on Bella's hips, and from time to time I tended to drag my fingers along the exposed skin between the bottom of her shirt and the top of her jeans. When I did it again I felt goose bumps forming underneath my fingertips. It was at the part Danny started shrieking 'red rum' at the top of his lungs.

"You alright?" I whispered to her. She gripped my arms with her hands and held them closer to herself.

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "This part just gives me the chills, I _hate _when he screams like that, it's creepy." I chuckled in her ear and kept my firm hold on her, protecting her. She released her death grip after that part passed, but still held onto my arms, clinging to me as Jack lost his mind more and more.

When the movie finally finished, leaving Jack frozen to death in the maze, I felt Bella's arms tighten around mine again. I refused to move. I was comfortable and relaxed, revelling in the fact that I no longer felt the need to constantly push her away when we were around other people. I knew that we were with our friends, not total strangers, which is most likely why I felt as comfortable as I was.

"Gives me the chills," I heard Rosalie say. I turned and smirked at her, watching as she nestled further into Emmett's side, shielding her face from the television.

"Had you ever seen it before?" Emmett asked her. She pulled her face out and shook her head, staring up at him with her blond hair hanging over her left shoulder as it lay against Emmett's black shirt.

"I don't really watch scary movies, I didn't know it would be that creepy," she said with another move closer to Emmett.

"Well then, we need to get you more acquainted with thrillers," Emmett told her with a grin. "You guys want to watch another one?" He directed to Bella and I. She turned her head and looked up at me, seeming just as comfortable as I was.

"I'm up for it," she said with a completely blissful smile. "You?"

"Yeah, pick one Em," I said, turning to see him getting off the couch. "I could sit here forever," I told Bella, pulling her up a little bit so I could kiss the top of her head. "I don't want to even move."

"I know," she said with a giggle, turning to press her lips to my chin. "Same here."

With that Emmett put on another movie, and he was going for the big guns. He wanted to watch Rosalie cower into his chest, clawing at him for dear life in fear of events on the screen possibly coming true. That clever motherfucker threw in the most twisted movie out there, and while I thought the sequels were even more fucked, Saw was definitely one hell of a screwed up movie to watch.

"I love this movie," Bella whispered quietly, her head resting on my shoulder, close enough that I could feel the warmth and smell the spicy fragrance of her breath. It was so much that I couldn't keep myself from kissing her. She wrapped one arm around my neck and held me close as the previews went on, and I was instantly reminded of Friday, of our rather impromptu make-out session in the back of the movie theatre.

"I know, you love these mind-fucked movies," I told her with a grin, threading my fingers into her hair. "Rose is going to flip." Bella laughed as silent as she could and nodded her head, pecking my lips a few more times before turning in my arms to watch the movie.

I loved so many things about her, but more than anything I loved that she could handle movies like this. Some girls, like Rosalie, cowered from the gore and violence and the twisted behaviour – but not Bella. Although it would make me feel good to comfort her if she was scared, I loved it even more that I didn't need to; she was self-sufficient, and loved every single moment of the way these movies screwed with your head. Because let's be honest, Saw just gets your mind racing.

The only part in Saw...well I shouldn't say the only part, but the part that truly gives me the chills is the part at the end where that motherfucker gets up off that dingy tiled floor and walks out of that bathroom. I feel a shiver run down my spine that gives me goose bumps as well as Bella. By the end of the movie I had looked over to Rose numerous times, watching in surprise when she hadn't ducked for cover. She did gasp and wince at a few parts, but for the majority of it she seemed alright.

Just wait until we make her watch something gory, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or The Hills Have Eyes. I swear some of the movies they made these days could make you vomit if you had a weak stomach.

"So, how was that one Rose?" Bella asked, leaning up against my chest to look over my shoulder. I looked with her.

"It was...okay," she said with a coy smile. "Very disturbing." She nodded her head and curled into Emmett again. "It gives me the chills too."

"Yeah? Well there are four others," I said with a sly grin. I watched Rosalie's face scrunch up.

"What do you mean?"

"Well like Saw two, three, four, and five," I explained.

"Oh dear," she said with a humorous chuckle. "But not tonight." Emmett laughed beside her.

"No not tonight, we'll save them for another night. You guys want to watch them with us? We can have like a mad scary movie marathon or some shit," he said with a retarded grin. He was right; he smiled like a fool when he was around her.

"Sounds good," Bella replied. Emmett leaned close to say something to Rosalie and Bella sighed, her delicious breath hitting my face again. "I need to get home."

_Hell no._

"Seriously? No, I refuse to drive you home." Bella rolled her eyes, playing with one of the knuckles on my left hand.

"I'm sorry, but Charlie kind of gets really mad when I stay here all the time. I figure I should at least give him something, I hate arguing with him constantly. If not staying here a few times a week will appease him then I have to do that." She didn't look too happy about this, and honestly I wasn't feeling all that chipper about the idea either.

"I...fine," I said regretfully. Being with her at night and enjoying the sight of her in the morning were some of my favourite times of the day. "I understand." I clenched my jaw and breathed in deep; I only had a limited time left with her for tonight.

"Please don't be mad," she said quietly, stroking her thumb along my jaw line. "I'd really prefer to stay here, but you know my dad."

"I know," I said, tangling my fingers into hers as I pulled them off my chin. "When did you want to go then?" She turned and looked to the clock just below the television – it was already closing in on eleven.

"Now I guess," she said with a groan, sitting up to stretch out her rested limbs. I did the same, arching my back to feel all the muscles gloriously being pulled against their will. Bella went over to Rosalie and gave her a hug, telling her she had to get going.

"Oh, I have to as well, would you like me to give you a ride?" Rose asked Bella.

"Uh," Bella replied, looking around to me.

"It doesn't matter to me," I said with a shrug. "Go with Rose if you want, it will save me having to go out."

"Okay," Bella said to Rose. "Just give us a minute." She came over and took my hand, pulling me off the couch and out of the living room. "Are you sure it's okay that she gives me a ride home?"

"Bella I'm sure," I said assuredly, stopping her by the base of the staircase. "It makes more sense anyways." She nodded and snaked her arms around my waist, sighing gently against my shirt. She pulled away, gazing up at me with such a look that I didn't know what to do. We stared at each other for a few minutes and when she pressed her palm flat against my chest my heart was already racing.

"Thank you," she murmured softly. I wasn't sure what she was specifically thanking me for, but I knew it was most likely behavioural on my part. Doing nothing and being relaxed with her was a change for us lately, one that I gladly embraced with open arms. It was a lot easier than I thought to just be with her when we were around other people; it made the weight on my shoulders lighten a little bit more.

"You're welcome," I replied, bending my neck to crash her lips to mine. "You deserve so much more," I whispered, barely gliding my lips against hers.

"Just keep being like this," she said, squeezing my hips firmly. "We'll get there eventually."

"Ready to go?" Rosalie interrupted. I held back a growl and nodded, pulling abruptly away from Bella. I may be alright with being close to Bella, but once I began opening up and talking to her is when we really needed to be alone, secluded from the fucking world.

"Yeah," Bella said, straightening out her shirt before she took her coat off the banister. "I'll call you when I get home," she told me. I nodded and leant up against the side of the stairs while Emmett got Rosalie's coat from the closet. They hugged each other by the front door and I peeled my eyes away before they kissed.

"See you tomorrow," I said to Bella, unhitching myself to kiss her.

"Mmhmm," she hummed, smiling sweetly as she pulled away. We looked at each other for a few more seconds before she turned to leave with Rose. Emmett and I watched them leave, both heaving sighs once the door closed.

"Dude...I'm so glad for the horror genre, she was on me the entire time," he said with a smug grin. "Best time watching Saw, ever."

"You're such a perv," I said with a shake of my head.

"You're telling me you don't enjoy when...oh, fuck, never mind, Bella's tough as nails when it comes to that shit," he said with an eye roll. "You want to watch another? I swear we've collected every scary movie out there since the beginning of time." I chuckled and followed him into the living room, I could go for another.

"So what's the choice? You want a projectile vomiting Linda Blair, or a psychotic Michael Myers?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow. Emmett grinned.

"Definitely a projectile vomiting Linda Blair, gotta love the head spinning too," he remarked, going over to the shelf stacked with movies to pull out The Exorcist. He popped it in the DVD player and waited before playing it; I wanted to make sure Bella was home safe first.

She called within five minutes, assuring me she was home and Charlie was – for once – not yelling at her. I grinned even though she couldn't see me and told her we were watching The Exorcist, only to hear a dissatisfied groan as she enjoyed that one too. I laughed at her and said goodnight, smiling like an utter moron when I placed my phone of the coffee table.

"See man..." Emmett said with a booming chuckle and a shake of his head. "You smile like a damn fool too."

* * *

**A/N:** Love to hear what you think, as always. I wanted this chapter to be lighter, for once, as we all know angst is surely on the horizon.

Next chapter I will be taking a rather different approach, and XXSkittlesXX I am using your brilliant idea. I will be doing my next chapter in an A/J POV combo. I haven't fully decided whose I will do, but hopefully it works if I do both. I need more of them in there and it will help to get their story told if I do a chapter in their POV.

Shaun of the Dead cracks me up, I was in tears most of the movie – freaking awesome. The part in The Shining where Danny shrieks 'red rum' is honestly the creepiest part of that movie, it gets me every time and I have to freaking plug my ears *shudders* haha.

The song quoted at the beginning is Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman, by Bryan Adams. I'm such a bloody sap sometimes, god.

Anyways, Harry Potter tonight ya'll! So stoked. Be ready for Alice and Jasper next chapter, drop me a line if you would be so kind as to do so : )


	10. Curing Insanity

**A/N: **Hello all! Wow, so this chapter was really interesting to write, I must say. This is the much awaited Alice and Jasper chapter. The first half is Alice, and it worked out quite well that the second half is Jasper.

I wanted to thank everyone for being patient with me. Last First Kiss is still in progress, and I hate making everyone wait, but I don't want to rush it. These are the last (technically two) chapters, and I want to get them right. So they're still coming!

Next chapter we are back to Bella since we haven't seen her in a few chapters. Just so everyone's aware this is the only chapter I plan on flopping POV's for. While some people can work in multiple POV's pretty well, I like to stick with just two characters if I can.

Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, you're all great so far, thanks for the encouragement. Claire, thank you for listening to my constant rambling and venting about anything and everything, you're too awesome. Check out her fic **Spellbound**, I beta it, it's awesome : )

Clancy119, you too, thanks so much for giving me feedback all the time : )

So, thanks for being patient everyone. I hope this is worth it!

Enjoy! (especially you XXSkittlesXX) ; )

* * *

"_**And we're approaching such a place...**_

_**This is where we both get scared**_

_**This is where emotions flare**_

_**This is where we both prepare."**_

**a.p.o.v**

I walked into the cafeteria, bright sunlight filtering in through the windows along the back wall. I marvelled at the less-than-usual weather, watching the rays as they danced off the white, linoleum floors, creating a glare so intense I had to look away. I took up a spot at the table we normally occupied; Rose and Emmett were already there, looking at a football magazine together.

"Hey," I greeted with a smile, sitting down on the other side of Emmett, which is where I sat most of the time.

"Hi Alice," Rosalie replied, her perfectly white teeth smiling back at me through full, red lips. "How was your weekend?" I sighed dramatically.

Jasper and I were kind of stuck now that we'd had our date. Unless we told our parents about our situation there was really no way for us to move forward in our relationship. That had dawned on us this weekend, and with this realization came the resounding notion that this confession would have to happen soon. For both our sanity.

"It was okay," I said with a shrug. "How was yours?" Rosalie smirked in Emmett's direction and looked back to me.

"It was very good, I watched The...Shining?" She said this more like a question than anything.

"Yes, The Shining," Emmett agreed, "and we watched Saw." Sometimes those movies freaked me out, all the gore of Saw, along with the amount to which you were positive those events could actually happen in real life.

"They were creepy," Rosalie said with a nod of her head. "We're watching the rest of them this weekend apparently." Her face had a hint of mortification to it, like she was torn between whether or not she wanted to watch the sequels.

"Just so you know, the other ones are just as bad," I told her with a scrunched up nose. Emmett glanced sideways at her to gage her reaction. Her brows hunched and she pouted a little bit.

"Don't worry," Emmett said assuredly, "I'll be there." I laughed and shook my head, just when I saw Edward and Bella coming into the cafeteria. Something about Edward lately had been different, and from what little I had heard from Bella I could tell that she must have gotten through to him somehow.

I wasn't going to pry though – it wasn't my place to put my nose where it didn't belong. They were having a hard enough time sorting through their problems alone as it was; they didn't need other people butting in and asking questions.

"Hey," I said to them when they got to the table.

"Hey Ali," Bella said with a faint smile. Edward gave a small nod in my direction and took a spot next to Bella, shifting a little bit uncomfortably before settling in with his arm around the back of her chair.

"So, Emmett said this weekend we're having that movie marathon," Rosalie told Bella, leaning across the table with a frightened look on her face. Both Bella and Edward grinned before looking at each other. I was smiling too, but when they got lost in each other I just...I don't know what happened.

I got really sad.

I had known Bella since freshman year, and had been there for her while she had gone through everything with Edward. If there was one thing I knew it was how much she loved him, how much she wished she could do anything to make him happy. I wasn't very close with Edward, but half the time when he looked at her I could see he felt the same. It was hard to tell with him though because his shiny armour deflected such judgments – he wasn't about to let someone in where they weren't welcome.

"I'm pumped," Bella told Rose. "A full day of watching scary movies. I don't think we've done that in years." Her eyes were wide as she looked back between Emmett and Edward. "Hey Alice, do you think you and Jazz might want to come too?"

"Really?" I asked, not wanting to impose on what seemed like something that was already organized. "I mean, I would love to. I'll have to ask him later, but I don't think he'd mind." Bella nodded and frowned. She pointed at the empty spot next to me and tilted her head. "Co-op," I reminded her.

"Right," she said, shaking her head. "I always seem to forget that he's gone for the whole day now." Her tone was a little empty, suggesting that she didn't like when Jasper was gone. I didn't like it either, but if he wanted to someday own his own painting studio – or better yet his own gallery – he needed this co-op credit. He needed the experience.

"Yeah, it kind of sucks, but he likes it," I told her with a shrug. "I'll ask him tonight if he'd want to go...what day?"

"Uh, the whole weekend probably," Edward said coyly. Wow, Edward rarely ever talked to me. "We're going to watch pretty much every scary movie we own." His ghost of a smile brought me an odd sensation. He actually directed his words _to me. _It was such a strange thing to get all emotional over, but I was moved by the fact that he had talked to me. He was acting much different from the Edward I knew.

Over the weekend he seemed to have changed. To some people it may not have seemed like much, but after knowing him to be a certain way for so long, seeing him this way was a total 360. I smiled back at him.

"Okay, that sounds like fun," I told him, tucking my short hair behind my ears.

"Oh and you'll probably need to bring your bathing suits too," he added. Bella bounced a little in her chair – she _bounced. _What in the hell happened? They were acting so...normal? Well normal for them.

"How come?" I asked.

"Esme and Carlisle decided to get a hot tub," Edward told me, his tone amused.

"That's awesome!" I breathed excitedly. "You'll have it by the weekend?"

"Mom's going today to pick one out," Emmett said absently, flipping through the pages of the magazine while Rosalie looked with him, tucked underneath the security of his arm. "I'm sure with some...persuasion...we could have it by then." He looked up and winked at me before losing himself in the pages of the Sports Illustrated once again. I knew that by 'persuasion' he really meant 'money'.

"How exciting," I said wondrously. "So you'll have a pool and a hot tub?"

"Yeah," Edward said with a shrug.

"Cool," I mumbled. I felt my stomach rumble in the slightest and I glanced over to where the food was. Although half the time this food repulsed me, I did eat it on occasion, and this morning I hadn't packed myself any sort of lunch.

"I'm going to get something to eat," Bella said to Edward. "Want anything?" He pulled some cash from his back pocket and handed her a twenty, telling her he wanted a sandwich.

"I'll come with you," I said to her, standing up when she did. She looked over and nodded, leaning down to kiss Edward. I pushed in my chair and when Bella pulled away Edward's face was a mix of emotions. His forehead was creased, but rather than seeming upset or angry he actually looked peaceful and happy. Half the time I never did see when they kissed, unless they were at a party.

"So, I take it your weekend went well?" I asked Bella, looking up to her as we made our way through the sea of people. She glanced down to me and tried to hide her smile.

"What makes you say that?" Her voice was incredibly controlled, and from the years I'd known her I could list all the traits and habits she'd picked up from Edward. She was a master at controlling her emotions when she wanted.

"Just the completely blissed out state you seem to be in," I said with a shrug. "And the fact that Edward spoke actual words to me, not just nodding his head and grunting something incoherent." I laughed at the end, only half-joking about that comment. Bella ran her hand through her hair and stopped in the lunch line.

"It's just...we're finally going somewhere Alice," she told me, looking down at me with that same completely peaceful expression. "It's really personal, and not my story to tell. I can only tell you that he's been talking a lot more lately, letting me in. You have no idea how much it's relieved me." I put a hand on her arm and patted affectionately.

"I can tell Bella, you're radiant. I can see how happy you are, that's why I assumed you had a good weekend," I told her with a tiny giggle. She nodded absently and we talked while we waited in the line about nothing of consequence. She mentioned this 'scary movie marathon' again and I got really excited. I was eager to hang out with all of them because I hadn't yet. Since the start of this year I'd only hung out with Bella and Rosalie, not with everyone together.

I was ecstatic.

The rest of the lunch hour passed by quickly; I listened to Emmett and Rosalie joking around with each other, and watched as she blushed at everything he said. Although Emmett rarely ever kept a girl around long enough to even call her a girlfriend, I already knew Rose was different. There was something about her that was mysterious, maybe it was the French accent, but you instantly wanted to know her better, to just hear her speak. Emmett seemed to be entranced with her, and if she slipped and said a word in French his eyes went wide with wonder.

The four of them were interesting to watch.

"Did you maybe want to hang out sometime this week?" Bella asked me as we headed for the doors of the cafeteria. "How about tonight?" Edward made a sort of disgruntled noise and I shifted my eyes to him. His face was expressionless already – it was that mask again. God forbid he'd show anyone any kind of emotion.

"Uh, not tonight," I told her, swallowing audibly. I braced myself for what I was about to say because it would make the events I planned to take part in tonight that much more concrete. "I think we're going to tell our parents..." Bella's lips curved up into a shocked smile and her brows lifted.

"Really?" She whispered. I pulled her aside to let other people exit the caf and nodded.

"I think so...I feel like I'm going to be sick I'm so scared." I put my hand on my forehead and paced my breathing.

"Ali, don't be scared. You have to be sure of yourself. If you're not ready, don't tell them," Bella said. "You don't want to mess it up." I looked up to her, and then looked at Edward. He had mild concern washing over his face and I smiled a little, he actually seemed to care.

"I'm ready, _believe me_ I'm ready, just scared as shit," I told her as I bit my lip. She chuckled a little as the halls began to clear. We were going to be late. "Anyways, I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes." I held up two fingers to her and crossed them.

"Good luck," she wished, leaning in to hug me.

"Thanks," I said, nodding my head with confidence. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I left Bella and Edward near the entrance to the cafeteria and made my way to Fashion. I always found it absolutely perfect and hilarious that they had a class of nothing but fashion. Why _wouldn't _I take it? When I was in the class and seated the teacher started on about sewing, the different approaches, and the difference between using a sewing machine or using a thread and needle.

By the time that class ended I was in better spirits, having learned about something I thoroughly enjoyed for the past hour. I felt a bit more relaxed, trying not to psyche myself up for the evening any more than I already was. I hadn't talked to Jasper about my plan yet, but I knew that it needed to be today. I had to just get it off my chest before I exploded and blurted it out randomly; I knew either way that it was coming out soon.

After school was finished I was nervous again, and I kept telling myself that everything was okay, that it was all going to be fine once we told them. It would have helped though if I'd believed my own thoughts. I wasn't sure if I should believe myself. I didn't want to get my hopes up that our parents would take this situation lightly.

I skipped down the stairs and hurried over to my baby, sliding my hand along the canary yellow paint job before getting into the driver's seat and peeling out of the parking lot. I was home within minutes, driving up the long, twisting driveway to get to our secluded mansion. I never knew why we needed such a big house, but Graeme had insisted; finding the biggest house in Forks to be too small, he had this one built instead.

I parked the Porsche and got out, still not seeing Jasper's car, only Graeme's because he rarely ever needed to leave the house for work. Sometimes he needed to go to Port Angeles or even Seattle, but never for long. He worked for some big marketing firm, and half the time all he had to do was come up with project ideas, pitch them to his bosses and draw up proposals. Most of time he didn't need to leave the house unless he was pitching an idea.

"Hello?" I yelled into the foyer.

"Hey Ali," Graeme responded. His voice was coming from the kitchen, and after I took off my shoes and coat I headed in that direction. "How was school?" He yelled this as I entered the kitchen and I winced at his high pitch. "Sorry, I didn't know you were that close."

He grinned at me and put his pencil down, rubbing the back of his neck like the way Jasper did sometimes. They looked so much alike, and yet were completely different. Graeme's hair was darker than Jasper's, bordering on dark brown, while his eyes were a more vibrant shade of blue. They were roughly the same height, but Graeme's build was a bit more toned and defined, making him that much bigger than Jasper.

"It's okay, school was fine," I said, picking a peach out of the fruit bowl on the counter. The cafeteria food hadn't been that great and the fruit was tempting me. "You working?"

"Yeah," Graeme said with a sigh. "I got that big project, you know, the one I got Jasper to help me with?" I nodded my head; that was the day we were _supposed _to go on our date. Graeme needed Jasper to draw him a few things as what he wanted wasn't exactly coming out all too well on paper. Jasper had gotten his vision perfect, but by that time it was two in the morning, and there was no point in having any sort of date then.

"It's just a bit of a pain," he said with a tight smile.

"Where's mom?" I asked absent-mindedly, biting into the peach, letting the warm juices flow into my mouth and down my throat. The peach was soft and tender, perfectly ripe and just as sweet as it needed to be.

"On her way home," he replied. "What do you want for dinner? She's been bugging me about it all day." He rolled his eyes at her crazy tendencies. She didn't like doing the same thing for dinner twice in one week, and she had this anal habit of bugging us about what we wanted for dinner. She hated to just go ahead and cook what she felt like; she had to be sure it's what _everyone _wants before she goes ahead and makes it. I loved my mom, but sometimes she drove me just a little mad.

"I have no idea," I said with a laugh. "Just tell her to get whatever, it's not like we'll turn down food." Graeme chuckled, reminding me again of Jasper.

_Why does he have co-op right now? Why won't he be home for another damn hour? _

I hated that he was so far away, and I honestly missed him.

"Well she's been getting on my nerves about it since this morning," he said, trailing off when he heard the door. "Speak of the devil." He grinned when my mom called out like I had.

"In here mom!" I yelled back. I continued to eat the peach while she came in, going over to Graeme to give him a kiss before she unloaded some groceries onto the counter. "Decided what to make for dinner?" I quirked my brows at her and she smiled back, crossing her arms over her chest to give me the same look.

"Maybe," she replied stubbornly.

"Was it so hard to do on your own?" I asked, my tone mocking. She rolled her eyes.

"I suppose not," she muttered. I laughed and finished eating my peach as I talked to her and Graeme. I wasn't at all nervous while I was talking with them, but I knew when Jasper got home things would change. I knew that all this playful banter and laughing and smiling would be gone.

I went up to my room after I was done talking to them and unloaded my bag. I had some English homework that needed attending to, and with a sigh I started to read _The Tempest _by Shakespeare. I got more than halfway through the play when I heard a knock on my door.

Butterflies assaulted my stomach because I knew it was Jasper. I was never nervous around him, and never got butterflies or blushed at things he did or said. The fact that my stomach was in knots showed me just how truly anxious I was for this evening.

"Come in," I hollered in the biggest voice I could muster. The door cracked open and Jasper entered, leaving it open ever so slightly as he came over to the bed.

"Hey," he said with that signature smile, bending down to kiss me. I sat up to reach him easier and he slid his arm around my waist, pulling my body flush against his. My one hand was gripping onto his shoulder while the other was around his back, holding tightly onto his shirt. I parted my lips at the same time he did and found that his tongue met mine, wrestling for dominance as we became consumed with each other.

Along with the fact that we needed to get this off our shoulders to keep our sanity, we mainly needed to do this because we were becoming desperate. I wanted Jasper so bad it wasn't even funny, and we agreed to not have sex until we told our parents, until we were honest with them.

"Jasper," I gasped when his lips left mine, securing onto the edge of my jaw instead. "We...have to tell them. Tonight." He trailed a few more kisses along my jaw line before he stopped.

"Tonight?" He asked, lifting his face. His enticing gray-blue eyes were alight with lust, much like they had been for the past month. Ever since we had decided to 'date' we had been a mess. Stealing kisses and touching each other whenever we could. Sometimes being away from him was torture because I didn't get enough of him as it was. Living under the same roof and secretly dating was a task, and emotionally it had taken its toll on the both of us. It left us wholly unsatisfied as well as needy and urgent.

Whenever we could be alone it was like the world was ending and we tried to get as much of each other as we could with the time we had. We'd grope at each other and our lips would burn and ache with the amount of passion that was shown to one another through our mouths. It was starting to get a little bit ridiculous.

"Yes, tonight," I begged. "Jasper I can't stand this anymore, we need to tell them before I lose my mind." I crashed my lips to his once more, pulling myself up and settling on his lap. I found his tongue again and tilted my head, deepening an already passionate kiss as his hands began to slip underneath my shirt. I half-whimpered and half-moaned into his mouth, wanting to just rip it off my body so his lips and tongue could explore my chest like I wanted.

All this 'foreplay and no sex' was driving me mental.

"Damn, you're right," he said, breathing heavily as his forehead rested against my chin. "I think I might spontaneously combust if we don't tell them soon." I laughed a little bit and started kissing his cheeks, fluttering my lips about every surface of his face, scrunching up my nose when my they were tickled with the hair he hadn't shaved.

"You won't be the only one catching fire," I said with a tiny pout. "I seriously can't keep this up much longer, being with you like this and having to stop because we're going too far." I attached my hands to either side of his face and pulled it up, setting my sights on his eyes as he gazed back at me. "I really _need _you Jasper." His eyes darted to my lips and I bit on my bottom one, knowing that this is how it always started.

"Alice you know I feel the same, with how much I love you." My heart fluttered, it always did lately when he told me he loved me.

"I love you too," I whispered, rubbing my thumb over the stubble on his jaw.

"Let's do this then," he replied quietly. I bit my lip again and nodded, more sure of myself than I had ever been. I thought I would have been more nervous when he got home, but oddly I felt better. I should have known it would be like this because Jasper was always the one to calm me down when I was anxious or worried. He wouldn't let me get worked up.

I climbed down off of Jasper and he stood up, smiling at me before grabbing my hand and heading out the door.

"Should we tell them at dinner...or wait until after dinner? Should we...god I don't even know what to do," I said, rambling something fierce as we made our way down the stairs. Jasper chuckled lightly and stopped walking.

"Alice, you need to calm down," he said, his voice a whisper but incredibly demanding. I nodded my head. "It will be okay, and we should wait until after dinner. It wouldn't be favourable if someone choked on their food." He winked and I couldn't help but smile. He always calmed me down.

"Okay," I replied, letting his hand go before continuing the walk to the kitchen. When I entered I could smell dinner as it was cooking. My mom had decided on pasta, linguini to be exact, with garlic bread. My stomach rumbled again; that damn cafeteria food and the peach is all I'd had today and I was starving.

"Hey you two," my mom greeted us. "Hungry?"

"Starved actually," Jasper said, taking up a spot on one of the stools where the island was in the middle of the kitchen.

"Me too," I replied, sitting next to him.

"It will be ready soon," she told us, stirring the sauce and checking the garlic bread.

Jasper and I sat there until dinner was done, just talking quietly of our days and the weekend. He thought hanging out with everyone seemed like fun, and was looking forward to seeing Rosalie as she cowered from watching Saw. He was also shocked when I told him about Edward, how he was acting. He was good friends with Bella as well, and I knew it pained him to see her going through something like this; he was glad that Edward was finally realizing he needed to value what he had. He was beginning to see that he shouldn't take Bella for granted.

"So, how was co-op?" Graeme asked Jasper as we sat at the dinner table. I took a bite of garlic bread covered in sauce and watched Jasper as he swallowed.

"It was pretty good; I got to mix paints and actually helped one of the artists today. It was fun," he told him with my absolute favourite grin. It was the same as his fathers. "I might be going to a gallery with one of the guys in another few weeks. It's in Seattle, and hopefully if I go I'll be able to see what it's all about. You know, how it all works behind the scenes."

"Really?" My mother asked, twirling her pasta around on her fork. "That's going to be such a great opportunity Jasper." He nodded his head.

"I know," he said, his tone light and carefree as he stuck his fork in his mouth again. "I'm excited."

After we were done dinner and I had helped my mom clear away the dishes I started to feel nauseas. I knew it was coming, that we would have to tell them, and I was feeling it in the pit of my stomach. I twisted my hands in my shirt as I walked back over to Jasper who was still sitting at the dinner table. Graeme had a few calls to make, and I wasn't sure if we should wait to tell them both or tell my mom right now. But I needed to tell soon because if not I was afraid of throwing up on the dining room table.

"I can't wait any longer, I feel like I'm going to be sick," I told Jasper quietly as my mom started the dishwasher. He stared up at me and nodded as I bit my lip. He stood up beside me and gave me a fleeting look before he spoke.

"Here goes..." He said with an uneasy smile. "Uh, Karen?" She turned around to look at us, her face completely clueless.

"What's up?" She asked. I closed my eyes and swallowed forcefully, opening them to find her looking at us quizzically.

"We kind of have to tell you something," Jasper said to her. She tossed the dishtowel on the counter and crossed her arms.

"What is it?"

"I'll do it," I told Jasper, stepping in front of him so I was closest to her. She was looking down to me, only a few inches taller than me herself. "Mom, Jasper and I are kind of...dating." I swallowed again, pushing the bile down as I stood in front of her, incredibly scared for my life as she gazed back at me with absolutely no expression on her face.

"Karen..." Jasper started, but she silenced him by raising her hand and breaking her gaze from mine. I wasn't sure what in the hell was happening, but after a minute she smiled. I furrowed my brows.

"It's about time."

**j.p.o.v**

"What?" Alice asked, her voice bouncing off the walls of the kitchen, almost loud enough to create an echo. "What are you talking about?"

"I said it's about god damn time you two told us," Karen replied. My eyes went wide and Alice turned to look at me, wearing the same expression I was. _They had known? _This entire time we had been trying to keep it a secret they had _known _we were 'dating'?

"You knew?" I asked Karen. She threw her head back in laughter and nodded.

"Of course we knew, Jasper. We're your parents; you think we don't see these things?" She asked, standing with a hand on her hip. She cocked an eyebrow at me and I gaped at her. I thought we had done so well at trying to hide the fact that we were attracted to each other.

"For how long?" I asked. Alice backed up and sat down in the chair, looking at the floor before looking back up to me. I was just as astounded as she was.

"A little over a month," Karen replied. "Right after Alice and Scott broke up, you two got a lot closer." How in the hell...? I was so sure that every time we did anything close to being intimate that we were completely alone. "I can see it when you're around each other. It's not something you can hide."

"Are you mad?" Alice asked tentatively. Karen shook her head immediately.

"Alice, honey, I'm not mad. If that's why you were worried about telling us then you don't have anything to worry about. I was just upset that you felt that you couldn't tell me. I sort of tried to force it out of you, and you gave me Jason?" She laughed and turned around; going into the freezer to take out what looked like a frozen pie. "Anyone want desert?" I shrugged.

"Sure," I replied. She preheated the oven and looked back to us; we were both still mildly in shock at the fact that they had known. I was just so...at a loss for words. I didn't even know what to say. "I just...I don't understand." Karen sat down next to Alice and patted her leg.

"Listen, I've known you for a long time Jasper, and Alice is my daughter. I know when something is different in her life and I can tell when she's in a relationship. I knew though that this time it meant more to her. Things just radiate from her, like this inner energy that's trying to escape, and then when she looked at you I just knew. Like I said, it's not something you two could hide, it's impossible _not _to see that you care for each other. We aren't mad at you guys, just a little hurt that you felt the need to hide it from us."

I felt really bad; we were only trying to ease them into it because we thought they would both have conniptions.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I know I tell you everything; we were just so worried you would be mad at us and then you'd get all upset. We didn't know what to do, but decided we needed to tell you before we both went insane with trying to hide it," Alice explained.

"Sweetie how could we get mad at you? It's not your fault that you two love each other," she told Alice with a soft smile. Alice shrugged and bit her lip. Karen wrapped one arm around Alice's shoulder and hugged her. "I'm glad you've finally told me, Alice, it means a lot." Alice finally smiled and hugged Karen back.

"I wanted to tell you so many times, really, and you would get so mad that I wasn't telling you. But I couldn't because it was Jasper," she said with a faint laugh. Karen laughed back and then pulled away from Alice.

"Graeme!" She yelled, listening for his reply.

"Yeah?" He answered back a few seconds later.

"Come here for a minute please," she told him, smiling at me before standing up and heading to the entrance of the kitchen. I went and sat beside Alice and she laced her fingers with mine. I was so relieved that we were finally able to be together like this and not be frightened that our parents would flip out.

"What is it?" My dad asked as he entered the kitchen. Karen smirked and latched her hand to his elbow, turning him in our direction.

"The children seem to be romantically involved," she told him with humour evident in her tone. "Finally, huh?" My dad laughed and came over to me, clapping one hand on my shoulder.

"Decided to tell us, have you?" He asked with a smile. You know, I'm glad they thought this was so hilarious, while for the past month Alice and I had been in tangles trying to figure out how to be together without drawing attention to ourselves.

"Yes," I grumbled, pulling Alice closer to me just because I could.

"I guess we Whitlock men have a thing for the Brandon women," he remarked with a deep chuckle. I couldn't help but smile back; it was true.

"I suppose we do," I told him. "Sorry, we were just scared that you'd be mad." My dad soothingly ran his hand along my shoulder.

"Jasper, never feel like you have to hide something from me, okay? No matter what it is, it would never hurt to tell us, just be honest." I looked up to him and saw myself in his eyes, ones that were reminiscent of my own but not too alike. I nodded.

"Okay," I said with a smile. "So we're all good?" He and Karen both nodded.

"We're good," Karen repeated. I pulled Alice up off the chair and leant in to hug my dad and Karen. Alice did the same.

"Want to watch a movie?" I asked Alice. She took my hand again and smiled, all wide and relieved as she nodded. "Let us know when dessert is ready." Karen waved us off and we left the kitchen, eager to get to the living room so we could be alone together. "What do you want to watch?" I asked Alice once we were in there. I went over to the stack of DVD's underneath the television and looked back to her – she shrugged.

"Do you think I'm going to be paying any attention to the movie anyways?" She asked, biting her lip afterwards as a surging desire to kiss her rushed through me. I hastily threw in the first movie I saw, which happened to be Ghostbusters. I didn't care and didn't want to watch it, but I knew within the first few minutes Alice would be my concern, not Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd.

"How about Ghostbusters?" I asked, turning off the lights and going over to the couch. Alice scooted over and I joined her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder to pull her close. She giggled.

"Ooh, sexy," she replied with a wink. "Ghosts really get me going." I smirked back at her and hit play, listening to the ridiculously catchy theme song while I felt her snuggling into my side even further. I wasn't sure if I could even hold off kissing her past the opening credits. She sighed and rested her arm around my waist, hoisting up her leg so it curled around my thigh. Her knee fell just below my groin and my breathing hitched, wanting the contact of her body on mine so bad it was almost unbearable.

I grabbed a hold of her thigh and brought it closer, groaning when it skimmed across the bulge in my jeans. I looked down to Alice and she closed her eyes, brushing her fingers frantically along my stomach. Before I could register my movements she was flat on the couch, me hovering over top of her as I lunged for her tiny, vulnerable throat. She instinctively brought her hands around my neck and bunched up my shirt, twisting it around her fingers as she barely made a sound.

For such a loud person, Alice sure could close those pipes when she wanted to. Whenever we did anything intimate she was quiet as a mouse, and I wasn't sure if it was because we were trying to hide it or if that's the way she actually was. I wished she were a little more vocal, and I hoped that when we had sex I'd be able to change that. I wanted to hear her calling out my name in the heat of the moment, knowing that I was the one that made her feel that way.

With Ghostbusters quickly forgotten I latched my hands onto Alice's hips, pulling her further underneath me so her face was level with mine and her hips against my stomach. She knotted her fingers in my hair for a few seconds before releasing the blond locks and lifting her face up to me. Her lips were soft and smooth, moving rapidly beneath my own as her tongue glided along mine in a fiery fury so intense I was sure fire and brimstone were falling from the sky.

"Didn't even...make it – past the theme, song," Alice gasped between sloppy, frantic kisses. I smirked against her lips and mapped out her tiny frame with my hands, running them along her arms, down her thighs, up her stomach. Her breath – warm and sweet – repetitiously crossed my face as we panted all over each other. My fingers itched, no they ached, to take her clothes off. I deduced that in a matter of mere seconds I could have her tight jeans and black v-neck shirt strewn across the furniture – now whether or not they would still be _intact _was an entirely different story.

"Alice..." I breathed, trying with everything I had to restrain myself.

_The living room really isn't the right place, Jasper._

Pfft, like they would let us be alone _now. _

I groaned when Alice's tongue stroked mine roughly, sending my already outrageous level of hormones through the roof. Her hands became eager against my T-shirt, pulling and tugging in every which direction as her tongue fought mine; winning because I was powerless when it came to her. Funny how a woman no more than five feet tall, weighing in at a whopping one hundred pounds, could bring me to my knees. It was fucked up, and thoroughly ridiculous, but next to Alice I was mush.

We could have been total strangers, met at some random place, not knowing each other before that night, and I still would have been completely drawn to her. It was just as Karen had said, she had this energy that radiated from her, like you could wrap a harness around it and reel her in. But the thing with Alice is that you simply couldn't. Instead of reeling her in she consumed you, enveloping you in her sheer happiness until all you felt was it.

It was _her._

And for me, she was _it. _

With Alice I never felt that void in my chest, the empty feeling that I sometimes had when I was with another girl. I would come home from a date or a girlfriend's house and feel instantly happy seeing Alice; I always thought it was because she was the sister I never had. I always told myself that I enjoyed her company because we were the closest companions, confiding in each other and helping one another when our lives became muddled.

I understood now that I had been more wrong than I could have ever imagined. What I felt for Alice was a hundred times more powerful than a simple relationship formed by step-siblings. It was more than enduring awkward family moments and crappy, cliché Christmases with extended family you rarely see. What I had with Alice was that, sure, but that was the base of where we began, it was our foundation. From then on we grew, like a delicate flower that springs from the ground when it's time comes.

Our time had come, and from the tended soil we had grown into something beautiful. With care we had reached the point where we had turned from a mere seed, planted years ago, to a perfectly poised flower. With the confession to our knowing parents Alice and I had finally bloomed, not in some awkward, pubescent way, but in a way that was ours. The petals of our relationship were finally opening up, revealing the bright, shining core that held all the potential for sustenance and life.

Breaking free from the ground we could be together, unashamed and unafraid of what was to come, of what the future had to offer. I would be able to hold her and kiss her whenever I wanted, not hiding along the back of the school, stealing a kiss before we had to part once again. Sitting there next to her, occasionally catching her scent, listening to her soft voice, and staring into her endless baby blues were, at times, almost too much for me to handle. I couldn't touch her like I wanted, not even a remote sign of affection, because of the fear that had been implemented in our brains.

Now that fear was gone, and as I pressed my weight down on Alice, listening to her gentle moan from beneath me, I couldn't help but lose my hand underneath her shirt at the conclusion I was coming to. With our relationship being kicked up a notch I knew what the next step for us was, where we would take this. I felt like such a horny teenager – well I _was _one – but I felt it even more when my head kept screaming one thing.

_SEX! _

_Sex, Jasper, sex with _Alice.

_Sex._

I couldn't stop repeating the stupid god damn word in my head, but it persisted like an annoying itch that just wouldn't go away. I couldn't shut myself up, thinking about ripping her clothes off as my tongue probed her mouth, making sure not a spot was missed as my hands skimmed the outside of her bra. She whimpered quietly, so low I couldn't be sure if she'd even made a sound at all.

"Jasper..." Her hands were burning through my shirt, her warm skin penetrating the material to sear my skin, imprinting the feeling of her touch in my mind. It was a memory that would never leave me because no one but Alice had ever aroused me to such a degree or had such an effect on me.

"Jasper," she repeated, her voice firmer. I had been lost in my thoughts and her mouth, unable to focus on anything but the way we moved against each other, frantic and needy, like we were losing each other, slipping from one another's grasp. It was insane to cling like we were doing, but it had been like this forever; we needed as much of each other as we could when we were together. We both knew our 'alone time' was limited at best.

I realized then that Alice's hands were actually pressing against me, against my chest, pushing me away rather than pulling me closer.

Had I done something wrong? I mentally went over everything we had done in my head. Nothing was new, I hadn't touched her in a place I never had before.

"What's the matter?" I asked her, the crack in voice ruining my 'cool as a cucumber' facade. I was trying to act as though nothing was wrong, but the way she stopped had the wheels of my brains spinning – so fast I was sure smoke was about to erupt from each ear.

"We should – stop," she told me, her breathtakingly vibrant eyes opening up to me. From the faint light the movie provided I could see the endless depths of her eyes, the ones that captured my attention and made it impossible for me to look away. "I know we're going to take this too far," she breathed, her little chest heaving against my own.

I would have disagreed with her, argued with her even – had she been wrong. Unfortunately, Alice was rarely wrong, and this case was no exception. Not only was she right, another point that put me in a sour mood was the fact that I'd never wanted her more than I wanted her right now, at this moment.

"I don't _want _to stop," I tried to argue. I knew it would be pointless, arguing with her, because A: I could refuse her nothing, and B: she _was _right. We needed to stop before we defiled the living room couch while 'watching' Ghostbusters. Better yet, we needed to stop before our parents caught us.

"You think I _want _to stop either?" She asked, her tiny brows pulling together, creating a small wrinkle to form in between them. She bit her lip afterwards, making my already throbbing erection ache for her even more. I knew it was a small gesture, her lip being taken between her teeth, but somehow this innocent, habitual tendency drove me mad in the best way possible.

"This is killing me," I groaned, dropping my head to rest it on hers. "This whole thing is driving me mad." I clenched my teeth together, grinding them against each other to prevent myself from tearing at the clothes between us. It had been like this for nearly two months, groping and kissing and licking and teasing. Before now it had been exciting and adventurous, hiding something from the world, having it just to ourselves. Lately though it had been pure torture, wanting her in the most animalistic way, and not being able to take her like that.

Now it wasn't exciting – the teasing and groping – it was just painful.

"I'm going insane too," she whispered, her eyes captivating me once again. "We just have to wait it out, Jasper, we can't rush it." She placed her warm palm to my cheek and I closed my eyes, making sure my breaths were coming out evenly before I opened them again.

"I'm sorry," I told her, opening my eyes to find her staring up at me, a tiny ghost of a smile gracing her red, swollen lips. She slid her thumb over the line of my jaw, saying nothing in response as her eyes told me all – she wasn't upset, and there was no need for apology; she was just as worked up as I was.

With a small nod I sat up, careful not to crush her legs as I made my way off of her. I held out my hand for her to take and we arranged ourselves comfortably on the couch, content just for now to sit and watch the rest of Ghostbusters. With only half the movie left we reduced our hold on each other until we had minimal contact; Alice's head on my shoulder and our fingers entwined was all I could allow without feeling the need to go all caveman on her.

"Kids, dessert is ready," Karen's voice said, cutting through the sounds of the movie as her form appeared in the doorway. She smiled when she saw us on the couch, and walked away as I pushed pause. Alice smiled at me and I gazed back down at her, such longing on both our faces as I pulled her up.

It just wasn't fair; waiting months for something to happen, only to be hindered by something as ridiculous as not being able to find a place to actually commit said act.

"What were you watching?" My dad asked when we entered, stuffing his mouth with a piece of apple pie. The smell that filled the kitchen was mouth-watering, and my temporary annoyance was put on hold by the craving the pie was offering.

"Ghostbusters," Alice said, sitting down at the table while Karen cut another slice of pie and put it on her plate.

"Ice cream?" Karen asked. Alice bit her lip then nodded while Karen laughed. She already knew the answer to that question because Alice _always _had vanilla ice cream when she had pie.

It was like...fact.

What do you eat with a baked potato? _Sour cream_.

What do you put on a steak? _Mushrooms and onions_.

What does Alice eat with pie? _Vanilla ice cream_.

Simple as that.

"Jasper?" Karen asked me.

"Please," I replied with a grin, waiting patiently as she scooped the ice cream onto my plate. When we all had our dessert we talked again, and this time the conversation wasn't as pleasant as before.

Now it was awkward.

Karen was blunt a lot of the time, much like Alice _could _sometimes be, and she wasn't shy when asking us if we'd had sex yet. Now there was something you most definitely did _not_ want to share with your father and step-mother; whether or not you'd banged your little step-sister yet.

"Mom!" Alice yelled, dropping her fork and putting both her hands on her cheeks. I watched her chest heaving, her face burning red as Karen smirked at her. I gently put my hand on her back and weaved my fingers along her shirt, trying to calm her down from her embarrassment.

"Honey it's just a simple question," Karen assured her, chuckling a tiny bit before taking another piece of pie in her mouth. My dad was smiling as well, raising his eyebrow to me. I rolled my eyes and gave him a tight shake of my head, telling him that we hadn't had sex yet.

Much to both of our disappointment.

"No," Alice croaked, dropping her hands from her face and blowing her bangs out of her eyes. She tentatively looked up at Karen and she laughed again, shaking her head as she continued to eat the dessert. From then on she didn't ask anymore questions, and Alice was quiet the rest of the night, even when we went to finish watching the movie.

By the time the movie had finished it was close to ten, and Alice's breathing was slow and rhythmic against my chest. I wasn't sure if she was asleep, but I could tell she was either already out, or very close to it.

"Ali?" I asked, rubbing my thumb along her arm as I sat up a little bit. She stirred beside me, stretching her long legs out in front of her before looking up to me, such gorgeous, bright eyes cutting through the darkness.

"Hmm?" She mumbled, her sleepy eyes making me grin.

"Just wanted to make sure you were still awake," I told her, kissing just above her left temple. "I think it's time for you to get to bed though, you look tired." I tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear, rolling the soft skin of her earlobe between my thumb and forefinger.

"I am a little tired," she admitted, covering her mouth as she yawned. "It was a really long day." I nodded; now that I had to go to Port Angeles _ever day _for co-op, I always had long days. It took me an extra hour to get there and home, adding another two hours to the amount of time I was technically 'at school'. I mean, the studio wasn't a hard place to work at, and it was much better than school, but I still had to work my ass off around that place. I had to earn my grade and learn what I set out to learn. Co-op wasn't as easy as it had been cracked up to be.

"I know what you mean," I replied, clicking the remote to turn off the T.V and DVD player. When the living room was dark Alice and I left, going up the stairs and parting where we had to go our separate ways for the night.

"Will I see you tomorrow morning?" She asked, her tiny hand gripping mine as we stood at the top of the stairs, not wanting our time to end because of the uncertainty of when we would get it back.

"I don't know," I told her honestly, "I leave a lot earlier than you do. You might not be awake." I cupped her cheek in my hand and slid my thumb over the apple of her cheek, caressing the baby soft skin.

"Can you wake me up, please? I want to see you before you go," she told me, fixing her eyes on mine. I really hated to wake her up so early, but if she wanted to say goodbye, I wasn't going to say no. Seeing her in the mornings helped me get through the day.

"Sure," I replied, leaning down as she stretched up on her toes. I felt her smooth lips against mine and her small arms wrapped around my neck, holding me close as our bodies yearned to be connected. I needed to let her go before I did something inappropriate at the top of the stairs.

"Goodnight," I whispered against her mouth, pecking her lips a few more times before pulling away. She gave me a small smile and told me the same before disappearing into her room for the night. I cursed many profanities under my breath before going to my own room and nearly slamming the door shut in my frustration.

I needed to...cool off...or something. This constant aching and burning just wasn't doing me any good; I needed to dunk my body in ice, or freezing water. Where was snow when I needed it? I grabbed my towel off the hook and went just outside my room to the bathroom – the one that I had all to myself. I kicked the door shut and tossed the towel to the sink, reaching into the shower stall and turning it on cold before stripping of my clothing.

When I stood beneath the spray my muscles tensed from the piercing temperature, my skin throbbing from the drastic change. Soon after my shower began I felt the burning and aching in my stomach disappear as my focus was fixed on the way the water felt on my skin, the way it pelted against me like hail would.

Before I began to shiver I stepped out, wrapping the towel around my naked hips as I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair, sandy and shaggy, was hanging into my eyes, dripping cold water onto my chest, leaving a watery trail along my stomach to be captured in the towel. I shook out my hair and water sprayed the mirror and walls, and as I ran my hands through my hair to get it out of my eyes I stopped.

I heard a small rap on the door and I turned my attention to it, furrowing my brows. This was _my _bathroom; I didn't share it with Alice or anyone else because they had their own. I held the towel around my waist and unlocked the door, pulling it opened to find Alice standing there in ridiculously small boy shorts and a silky, white camisole.

I instantly felt myself harden.

That stupid, god damn, cold shower was all for nothing.

"Alice...wh –" I began, silenced by her finger on my lips. She bit her bottom one and grabbed my hand, looking in the direction of our parents' room before turning off the bathroom light and pulling me into my room. She closed my door quietly, subjecting us to almost complete darkness. The only source of light was the faint moonlight filtering in through the open window.

We were standing in the pool of light and I was able to see her face, the sheer lines of it accentuated by the pale light, making her features defined and even more elegant. She bit her lip again and slid her hand overtop of mine, the one that was grasping onto the towel at my waist.

"Alice, I mean...now?" I asked, my heart hammering against my chest. I wasn't sure why I was asking as this was something that I had wanted to happen for a while now. She nodded her head, her eyes flitting to the more than obvious bulge in the white towel. Rather than sliding it off my hips she grabbed at the hem of her camisole and pulled it over her head, revealing her soft, smooth skin, right along with her perfect bare breasts – all perky and high on her chest.

I gaped at her and choked on my breath, emitting something that resembled a gargle as I stared down at her, fully aroused and ready for this, now. She gripped the sides of her boy shorts and hooked her thumbs inside, and at the same time we pulled free the restrictions, me losing the towel, she dropping the shorts.

Alice looked timidly up to me, her full, bottom lip being tugged between her teeth as she kicked aside the clothing. I stepped forward and ran my hand along her hip bone, cupping her bottom in my hand as she moaned quietly – too quietly. I did the same with my other hand and lifted her, carrying her over to the bed before I set her down gently, edging my way on without bumping into her. It was dark and quiet, and for a minute we just kissed, trying to find a balance and where we were without being awkward and clumsy.

"I thought...you were, tired?" I asked her in between kisses, smirking a little bit to get back to a semi-normal state. This was so new to both of us, and I didn't want to screw it up because we were nervous. She giggled a tiny bit, sitting up and pushing against my chest. I moved back and she crawled on top of me, straddling me on the bed as the moonlight hit her face. She slowly and gently kissed the side of my neck, nibbling just above my collarbone; she knew the spots that made me quiver.

I gripped her hips harder and rocked her into me, her wetness brushing against my lower abdomen. Alice whimpered quietly and made her way back up my throat until she reached my mouth. She breathed hard against my face, the smell of spearmint swirling around my nose.

"For some reason I'm suddenly not so tired," she whispered, capturing my lips in hers once again as we got lost in each other.

At that point we knew nothing other than the fact that we were together...finally.

**

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**A/N:** I would really LOVE it if everyone would let me know what they thought of this chapter. I've never written in any POV but Bella or Edward until this very chapter, so I don't know how people will like it. Let me know what you think of Alice and Jazz!!

Ghostbusters = classic. God love that movie, the sequel isn't as good, but they're still sweet movies. Cheesy as hell, but still amazing.

The song quoted at the beginning is Navigate Me by Cute Is What We Aim For. Love them : ) Great song.

Leave me some love if you're feeling reflective! I'd love to hear it.


	11. Lost

**A/N: **Wow, okay, first off, sorry for being a complete tool and leaving this chapter until now. I had a bunch of stuff going on and this just made my list of things to do only now.

First off, I finished LFK! Finally, and now that it's done, this story will get my primary attention. Once I get into the rhythm of writing again, I will definitely be posting this on a weekly basis; I will let you all know whenever I figure that out.

Second, I entered the Summer of Smut contest for which I had to write a smutty one-shot. If you like my writing or just want to read something lemony, head over to my profile, it's called Captive of a Bartender. Also check out the other entries on the SOS page, or check out the thread on Twilighted.

My rec for this week is Claire Bloom's entry entitled Free From Desire – she entered with me as well and it's very good. Go read it if you have a chance : )

I think that's it for now, so get-a-reading!

Enjoy!

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"_**I cannot explain to you, in anything I say or do,**_

_**I hope the actions speak the words they can.**_

_**For my pride and my promise,**_

_**For my lies and how the truth gets in the way.**_

_**The things I want to say to you get lost before they come.**_

_**The only thing that's worse than one is none."**_

**b.p.o.v**

I relaxed into the water, feeling the warmth spreading throughout my entire body as I moaned, closing my eyes and letting my head hit the soft, cushy headrest. I could hear everyone else getting in the hot tub, but my mind wouldn't let their comments register as I was in my own little world, feeling the tension and unease of the week rolling off of me.

It was the best I'd felt since last Friday.

While we'd overcome one obstacle, his lack of communication with me had created another dozen. Where he'd been talking to Alice and Jasper more at lunch, he had barely been talking to me at all. Where his bodily contact with me at school would be virtually non-existent, at home he couldn't keep his hands off of me.

It was driving me out of my mind.

If I happened to mention something remotely close to talking about his past or his parents, he would tense. He would get angry and his jaw would set like it always did. His eyes would narrow and he'd give me that look, the one that said 'just fucking leave it alone'. But I would persist, and he would get even angrier.

He'd yell and I'd yell back. I'd swear and he'd retort with something just as harsh.

But of course it always ended in the same way. We'd get so worked up that we found it hard to keep our hands to ourselves and just gave in to each other. I swear we'd had enough make-up sex this week to set a new record, even for us. My body ached from how active I'd been and the soothing jets as well as the scorching temperature helped to relax them.

I moaned again it felt so good.

Edward settled in next to me and under the water his fingers skimmed along my left thigh. He leant in, and when his lips brushed against my ear I involuntarily shivered despite the heat.

"The jets feel good?" He asked, his tone a low and seductive growl. I cracked my eyes open a bit and glanced sideways to him; his smirk added to the heat and I already felt myself sweating.

_Prick. _

"Mmm, they feel great," I answered him, shifting a little and closing my eyes again. I breathed in heavily, puffing out my chest so it protruded from the water while Edward's fingers halted on my leg. I angled my head to where he was sitting, opening my eyes to look at him.

Through the steam the hot tub was emitting and my own foggy vision, I could see his eyes and his burning stare. His lips were parted and his breathing was laboured from the extra air he had to take in to get past the steam; his expression told me everything.

"Hi," I said amusedly, trying to break him from the pathetic trance I had him in. We'd fucked not even an hour ago for Christ's sake and he was already horny again.

"Tease," he muttered. I rolled my eyes and laughed, sliding along the seat to sit a bit closer to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, surprising the shit out of me. I was thankful that he wasn't being the unaffectionate jerk he'd been all week at school.

"So what should we watch first?" Rosalie asked, sitting across from me, Emmett on one side and Alice on the other. I shrugged and looked to the others; we had an entire weekend of scary movies awaiting us, and I had never been so pumped to sit around, getting scared shitless in my entire life. I mostly wanted to watch Rose's reaction to them, but it was also my favourite genre; I loved getting freaked out.

"When we're done in here we can go in and start making a list of the all the ones we should watch," Emmett answered her, ripping his gaze from her chest to bring it to her face. I kept back my laughter.

Emmett was struggling. He was my best friend, and I loved him, but at times he could be a tool. It was like he needed sex as much as he needed air. We'd talked a few days ago and Emmett had gone off on a rant, telling me all the things he loved about Rose and why he thought she was different than other girls he'd gone after.

Now, he went a little overboard in telling me he'd jacked off more times since he'd met her than ever, but I shrugged it off and tried not to laugh at him because he was being completely serious. Surprisingly I'd heard Emmett talk of things much more disgusting than him masturbating. It didn't make me blush anymore.

But I told him that he needed to give Rose time. She wasn't some conquest. She wasn't this one-time thing, and he knew that. We all knew it. We could see it in his eyes when he looked at her and I could hear it in his voice when he spoke about her.

Emmett loved her, but he was too much of a dumb shit to realize it himself, and if he had, he wasn't saying anything about it. He needed to get over himself and admit that he'd finally found someone that he could be with, because in all honesty, it was about time he did. He'd spent too many years of his life pretending to get satisfaction out of meaningless lay after meaningless lay.

"Can I vote for the first one we watch?" Edward asked, interrupting my skewed train of thought. Everyone else looked over to us and I tilted away from him, watching as his eyes were trained on me. "The Saw sequels first."

I smiled at the choice, knowing tonight I'd have some random and fucked up dreams.

"Sounds perfect," I replied, easing into him again.

"Oh no," Rosalie said, her bottom lip pouting. "Alice said the other ones are just as bad." She slid closer to Emmett and he hugged her, laughing and shaking his head into her hair.

"It'll be okay, I'll be there." He pulled away and winked down at her, leaning in to whisper something so only she could hear. After Rosalie looked at ease we all quietly talked amongst ourselves, enjoying the heat and comfort of the tub.

"How's the water?" Carlisle's voice asked from behind me. We all turned and saw Carlisle standing on the deck with Esme. He was putting dinner on the barbecue and Esme stood next to him with an empty plate.

"It's great," Alice answered. "This will be so awesome in the dead of winter," she added with a laugh.

"Yeah except you'd have to trudge through snow to get to it," Jasper retorted. I looked away from the deck and to the people in the tub; Alice and Jasper were bickering back and forth, the biggest smiles plastered on their faces.

When we had another one of our girls' nights during the week Alice told me everything, and by everything...

I mean _everything._

I could probably re-enact the entire evening myself if need be because she hadn't shut up about it, going on for an hour or so about how their parents had known they were 'dating'. Karen had known, so had Graeme, and no, they weren't mad.

There were no words to describe how happy Alice was that she could finally be with Jasper, unhindered by the fact that they had to hide it like it was a sickening disease. Along with the fact that they could go public, she was also happy that they had sex.

Well, happy would be putting it lightly.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Edward asked from beside me. I looked up from the bubbling surface of the water and into his eyes, watching the sweat of his brow dripping down the side of his face.

"Uh, just thinking about this week," I told him, eyeing the bead of sweat like it was liquid gold or something ridiculous. He smirked and leant down again, his cold breath making my skin ripple with goose bumps. I closed my eyes at the sensation as the pleasure of it collided with the sheer heat I was surrounded by.

"That's all I can think about too," he whispered, nipping at my ear afterwards. I felt my face flushing slightly because Rose was watching us; she was staring at Edward in a completely intimate moment and he didn't give a shit.

What the hell was with him this week?

"I think it's for a different reason though," I replied, pulling away slightly to take in his confused expression.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He retorted in an offended voice. I shrugged and shook my head, not wanting to get into this now in front of everyone.

"Never mind," I replied quietly. I thought maybe he'd push me, prod at me with questions until I answered him, but he sat silently like he always did. So I did the same.

We spent the rest of our supposed-to-be-enjoyable hot tub time in an uncomfortable silence with each other. His arm was stiffly around me, trying to be affectionate, but I wasn't buying it. I knew he was pissed about what I said because he _knew_ he'd been using his dick to avoid me and my attempts to make him say anything to me.

But I couldn't just blame him for it. While I'd been pushing for answers, hell, for a few mere words, I'd always given into him. He'd kiss me to shut me up and I'd try to protest, but after subjecting myself to his smell and taste I was rendered incapable of even thinking straight. It was no longer imperative that he talked to me; the concern became how fast we could strip without mangling each other.

"Kids, dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes," Esme said to us all, harshly bringing me back to the Cullens' back deck. I abruptly stood up, shaking Edward's arm off my shoulder as I turned to climb out of the hot tub, thankful my coordination was participating today. When I got out I snatched a towel up off the bench Esme had set them on and dried myself, not waiting for anyone as I went inside.

I made my way up to Edward's room and rifled through my overnight bag, settling on Edward's Strokes T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I picked them out of the bag and grabbed a pair of underwear, deciding to forgo the bra as I never slept with one on anyways. I went into the bathroom and locked the door before dropping the towel and gripping onto the sides of the counter, staring into the mirror.

How could I keep going on like this? How had I done this for _so _many years already and not given up on him? Why did he have to make our lives so difficult when the reality of our situation could be solved like an elementary math equation?

He just needed to let me in. He needed to see that I would be here for him and give him my support, all the way. For some reason he had this overwhelming fear that I'd somehow find it in myself to leave him, when he already knew that I could never bring myself to do it. I would never be able to rip myself from him, because despite the shit he caused, I couldn't be without him.

I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door, followed by the jiggling of the door handle. I gave myself one last glance in the mirror before I looked to the door.

"Bella..." Edward knocked again quietly, almost like he was patting the door rather than striking it with his knuckles. I took a deep breath, padding over to him in my soaking wet bathing suit. I unlocked the door and opened it a crack, watching as Edward stood outside in a low slung pair of board shorts; dark red and deliciously revealing of his muscles.

_Get a fucking grip. _

"Hi," I said quietly, swallowing the lump in my throat. I felt the weight of everything I'd been thinking about in the bathroom heavily resting on my chest, threatening to pour out through my mouth if I didn't watch it. I was more emotional than I liked to admit.

"What's going on?" He asked and crossed his arms over his chest, his flashing, emerald eyes resting on my own. I swallowed again and stepped back into the bathroom, picking up my towel as I could hear and feel water dripping onto the marble floor.

"Nothing," I replied, towelling myself off and glancing behind me to see Edward watching my actions.

"This is fucking bullshit," he growled, coming into the bathroom and closing the door. "You're the worst god damn liar. What the hell is wrong with you?" Every muscle in my body clenched at his tone and words, and before I snapped and lost it, I closed my eyes, doing my best to keep myself at least one degree of calm.

"You're right," I told him, looking at him through the mirror, "this is _fucking bullshit._" He stared back at me and didn't say anything, so I turned around to face him. He tightened his jaw, the bones of his face rigid and hard as his chest rose and fell, each passing moment more intense then the next.

"What did you mean, when you said that outside?" He asked, barely moving his lips. I ran both my hands through my hair and sighed, tugging on the ends before I looked at him again.

"You know you've been avoiding me," I simply stated, catching his eyes as they shifted from mine so briefly I almost didn't notice.

"I've spent the entire week with you," he retorted, his voice wavering noticeably as he knew that wasn't what I mean by my comment. He couldn't avoid me anymore because I was sick and tired of being conversationally shafted. I was sick of not talking and then fighting because of it. More than that though, I was sick of being in the dark.

I just wanted to be a part of his life, his _whole _life. Good and bad.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," I hissed, my anger bubbling in my stomach from his childish games. "Quit trying to avoid talking to me like it will fucking infect you."

He shut his eyes and pressed his palms to them, his body tensing as he let out a throaty groan of annoyance.

"You really want to get into this now?" He asked, pulling his hands from his face and squinting at me so his eyes could adjust to the light again. I rolled my own and scoffed. He really had to be out of his god damn mind.

"Well Edward, whenever's perfect for you I suppose. How about you just let me know when the fuck that is, and that would be fantastic," I grumbled, picking my clothes up off the floor. When I stood up and made to walk past him he stopped me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "So what, now's good for you? Because if you aren't going to say shit to me, let me go. I can't deal with you right now."

He lowered his eyes to the ground before they met mine again; they had softened ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, trying with all my strength not to cry.

After everything all he has to say is 'I'm sorry'?

"That's it?" I croaked, pursing my lips. He looked around the bathroom a little bit, and scratching the side of his neck he gave me a tight nod. I nodded back in the same manner, stepping around him and going into his room. I took my clothes and towel to his dresser and stripped of my bathing suit, letting it fall limp to the ground by my feet.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me from the doorway as I stood naked and changing, trying to keep my traitorous tears at bay while I did so. I hated being so vulnerable and weak in front of him when he'd never shown me that part of him. Sure I'd seen a glimpse on Friday, but in all the time I'd known him, that's as far as the armour had gotten to coming off. I wasn't sure at this point that I'd ever see him fully exposed, vulnerable, just like me, and thinking of this made my throat constrict.

"I'll meet you downstairs," I said absent-mindedly, heading for the door once I was changed. Edward beat me to it and stood his ground, back against the door and arms at his sides. I huffed and looked up to him, feeling thoroughly agitated at his persistence. He either wanted to talk or he didn't. He needed to make up his mind before I went psycho.

"Look, I'm sorry I made you feel like I'm avoiding you," he told me, his voice reasonable, not a trace of anger or annoyance to it. "But...I just – I don't know. I'm so lost." I looked at him quizzically, mashing my brows together.

"What do you mean?"

"Bella last Friday –" he began, cutting himself off to swallow, "was hard. I never think about my parents anymore, ever." He furrowed his own brows as he looked to the floor rather than at me. "I don't really know what to do now. I don't know what to say or how to talk to you. I know exactly what I want to say...I could shout the words they want to come out so bad. But I can't ever force myself to do it."

"I'm not some stranger Edward," I replied, taking a step closer, "this is _me. _You can trust me with anything."

"I know," he whispered. "But whenever I think I'm ready I chicken out like a fucking pansy. What I want to say gets – lost." He gazed down at me, bringing his eyes from the floor to rest on my own. I suddenly felt more than horrible for saying all of that to him. His expression was pained and regretful, and immediately I felt regret as well.

I knew all this was hard on him, bringing up the past and all the hurt that came with it. But for me now this wasn't just something I wanted to know, it was something I _needed _to know. Being with Edward for so long and not knowing the truth was hard, sure, but after the party everything changed for me. I realized that if being with him was this hard, then there was really no point in doing it at all, and that's when I came up with my ultimatum.

He wanted to tell me, or he didn't.

"You don't have to be afraid, Edward," I told him quietly, tentatively leaning forward to take his warm hand in mine. He looked back to me again and his expression was so intense and hard to read it felt like I had been slapped in the face. "You can trust me."

"I know," he whispered, shaking his head a tiny bit. "It's not that I don't trust you Bella. I'm trying..." I gave his hand a tight squeeze and he ran his tongue along his bottom lip, sighing quietly. "I really am."

I sighed too, feeling a little defeated. "I believe you," I replied. He brought our hands up to his lips, placing a warm, open-mouthed kiss on my palm, letting it linger for a few seconds before we parted. He gave me back my hand, and stretching up on my toes I sought his lips with mine. His body was still damp and warm, the water clinging to my shirt as I pressed myself against him, our mouths connecting.

I didn't let it last for long, pulling away after a few seconds, but Edward's lips didn't leave my skin, trailing along my jaw and neck while my eyelids fluttered with the heat and pleasure he ignited. I felt both his hands gripping me firmly by the ass, and with one swift movement he had me off the floor, taking measured steps away from the door and towards his bed.

No, no, no!

"Edward, stop," I pleaded, not even convincing myself.

"After, seeing – you in, that bikini?" Edward said between kisses. I rolled my eyes as he set me down on the bed. "No way." He gave me that crooked smile and I smirked up at him, shaking my head because of his ridiculousness.

"Dinner's probably ready and everyone's waiting for us. Sorry Sparky, you're going to have to keep it in your pants until after," I told him with a wink.

"Fuck you," he retorted, turning and going to his dresser. I would have retorted with 'you know you want to' or something to that effect, but I knew he'd pounce on me and we'd most likely get interrupted by Emmett or maybe someone worse.

I watched Edward as he pulled at the ties of his shorts and ripped the Velcro apart, sliding them down over his tight, bare ass. I couldn't help it, like I said; sometimes I just stared at him like a fucking fool. He was gorgeous.

"Quit staring at my ass," Edward chided, quirking an eyebrow at me over his shoulder. I bit my lip and tried not to smile, failing miserably. He always caught me ogling him, and thankfully he couldn't hear my thoughts because things I thought of when I looked at him were highly inappropriate.

When he put on a dry pair of shorts and a plain, black T-shirt I got up from the bed and went to the door. Edward's hand gripped onto mine and he turned me to him, hugging me against his chest.

"I really am sorry," he said into my hair, his hot breath warming my insides. I looked up to him and kissed the corner of his chin.

"I know, but if you try one more time to shut me up by screwing me, I might just slap you," I jibed. He smirked and kissed me on the nose, his thumb reaching up to smooth my hair away from my shoulder. He kissed the skin there as well, planting a few soft pecks before taking my hand and pulling me from the room.

We went downstairs to a loud group of people, clanging dishes, and a yelling Emmett. But the last was no surprise; Emmett's dial for volume was broken, making him louder than all of us combined. In the kitchen on the table was a large tray of hot dogs and hamburgers, several bowls of chips, and a container of Esme's home made potato salad. Everyone was already seated, filling their plates with food and watching in horror as Emmett grabbed three hamburgers, two hot dogs, and a gigantic scoop of potato salad.

I swear he could eat a calf if he had the opportunity.

"Hey Em, want to save some for the rest of us?" Edward asked bemusedly, taking a spot next to Jasper while I took the only empty seat left that was next to him. Emmett simply smiled at Edward and dropped a scoop of potato salad on Edward's empty plate, resuming with filling his after.

Dinner was more than eventful as we all witnessed the impossible. Emmett had to have eaten at least half his body weight in meat, not to mention the large helping of potato salad he'd also eaten. It was ridiculous to watch, but as I did so I realized why Emmett was my best friend. It was because he was just himself. He didn't try to act like a different person around people and he didn't shy away from who he really was.

He was Emmett, and everyone knew exactly who that was.

He let people see the real him, and when he was angry or upset, he let people know. He didn't sit in the dark and hide from everyone, afraid from the response of his friends and family. He was outgoing and rambunctious, loving life and trying to live it to the fullest. But best of all, despite the half-retarded persona he sometimes displayed, he was kind and caring.

After dinner I helped Esme clean the dishes while Rosalie and Alice put everything away from the table. The boys went into the living room to 'set up' for our movie marathon and Carlisle went outside to put the cover back on the hot tub. Emmett came in halfway through our clean up and asked me with that pleading face if I could make some popcorn when I was done.

I looked at him, bewildered that he still had room to _fit _popcorn, but not thoroughly surprised as it was typical of Emmett to still be hungry after a meal. We finished cleaning up and I made a few bowls of popcorn, assuming that Jasper and Edward would most likely want some as well. The three of us each took a bowl and headed to the living room and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't eaten a few pieces before I got there.

"Thanks Coop!" Emmett bellowed, taking the bowl from Rose and pulling her with him onto the couch. They fell beside each other comfortably and Rose laughed as Emmett stuck a fistful of popcorn in his mouth.

"No problem Atwood," I replied, rolling my eyes at him. He winked at me and I turned around to see Alice and Jasper set up on the floor, pillows and blankets creating a snug bed for them to sit on. That meant Edward and I were on the love seat again. I went over and sat down, wrapping the thick blanket around me as I rested my back against the cushions, watching Edward as he put a movie in the DVD player. I noticed beside him that a stack of movies sat waiting, and with a grin I realized those were the ones we'd be watching this weekend.

He turned off the lights and I made space for him, resting between his legs and feeling his arms as they wrapped around me and the blanket. As he suggested we were watching the Saw sequels first, beginning with number two tonight.

We watched the second, then the third, and Rose's gasps of horror throughout the movies were too funny to _not_ laugh at. But Emmett kept his word and held her close to him when she was scared, making sure she could handle watching the rest of them before we put on another movie.

As it neared two in the morning we decided to call it a night, leaving Saw 5 for the morning. Rose was thankful and so was Alice; although she'd seen them before the movies still freaked her out, and in all honesty, they did that to me too.

I dragged my feet up the stairs and said goodnight to Alice and Rose before they went into the guest room they were sharing. Jasper was sleeping in Emmett's room, and as usual, I was sleeping in Edward's. It always made me curious as to why Esme and Carlisle never minded that I slept in the same bed as Edward, but I assumed it would have made them uneasy to let Jasper and Alice sleep in the same room when neither of them were their children.

I slumped down on Edward's bed, immediately curling into the cold comforter and closing my eyes. Sleep was threatening to consume me and swallow me whole, and I wasn't at all reluctant to let it take me. After this week I was more than exhausted, and when Edward cradled me to him, letting my head fall against his chest, unconsciousness swept over me, subjecting me to the dreams I knew I'd have.

**e.p.o.v**

I awoke early to the rain of Forks unevenly pattering against the windows of my bedroom. Bella was still soundly sleeping; a quiet trickle of mumbles escaping her mouth as she dreamt of only god knows what. I loved watching her sleep because she looked so peaceful and adorable, talking about the most random things known to man.

I rolled over a little and looked to the clock, cursing the time 5:43 with everything I had in me this early in the morning. I had only gone to bed at two, and not even getting four hours sleep wasn't going to help my mood today – I knew it. The week that just passed had been, well, interesting.

I knew what Bella had been trying to do, and in all honesty, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to give her what she asked of me and I wanted to make her happy. More than anything I wanted to give her that, finally. But when I eventually worked myself up to it I panicked and chickened out. I tried to yell at her and tell her that she was asking me too soon, but truth be told, it wasn't.

I was ready to tell Bella what she wanted to know; only my fucking mouth wouldn't let me. All the words I worked up in my head got jumbled and messed, and before I could think up anything to say I would get angry and peeved just thinking about my father and my past. So instead I would take it out on her, and get mad at _her, _when nothing was even her fault.

It was selfish and sick and disgusting to distract her with sex, but I'd be damned if it hadn't worked every single time we tried to talk. Only what made me feel like the biggest jackass in the world was that she _knew _I'd been doing that. She knew it was meant as a way to keep her off the subject, and as a result I made her feel like an outcast.

I felt like a fucking asshole.

"Edward..." Bella mumbled and I smiled despite myself. She should want to kick my ass into next year by the way I was treating her, but so far she hadn't. Half the time I wondered why she even put up with me at all.

Next thing I knew Bella's elbow connected with my stomach and I rolled off the bed, shocked and winded from her blow. I clutched at my shirt and smacked my head against the floor, moaning in pain.

Fucking hell she had an arm on her.

"Edward!" Bella whispered loudly at me. "Shit, fuck – sorry. Did I knock you off the bed?" I couldn't help but laugh and nod as I lay there, feeling as if someone stuck a knife right where she struck me. She carefully climbed off the bed and came to my side, kneeling on the floor while her tired eyes took me in. Her small hand reached up and her fingers brushed the hair from my face, giving me a view of my Sleeping Beauty.

She looked so tired it was sexy.

"I'm really sorry. I suppose watching freaky torture movies before bed isn't the best idea, huh?" She asked, laughing as her fingers repeated the same pattern through my hair over and over.

"Well it didn't go in my favour, so no," I replied, closing my eyes at the feel of her fingers.

"Are you okay?" She asked sweetly, continuing her motions. I opened my eyes and gazed into hers, releasing my shirt from my grasp as I took her free hand.

"I'm fine Bella. You just – kind of knocked the wind out of me," I chuckled, running my thumb over her knuckles. Her lids looked heavy and she lazily smiled at me, threading her fingers through my hair one last time to bring them to the base of my neck. She leant forward and her soft lips grazed my temple, making the pain in my stomach dissipate until it was almost unnoticeable.

"I'm sorry I hit you," she whispered. I sat up a little and leant on my elbows, looking at the ceiling before resting my eyes on hers.

"I deserved it," I replied. I didn't need to explain, to tell her what I meant, because she understood. All she did was nod, resting with her back against my bed while we sat on the floor, silent and unmoving. After a while my elbows became sore from sitting in that position so I got up, thanking whoever was out there that my stomach wasn't throbbing in pain from where I'd been hit.

"It's so early," Bella noted with a yawn. I lifted her foot and placed it in my lap, dragging my fingers along her smooth, hairless leg as we sat there comfortably.

"Then go back to sleep," I told her, nodding my head in the direction of the bed. She yawned again and sat up, no doubt contemplating what I said. She got up and rolled onto the bed, holding her hand out to me.

"Come back to bed with me," she offered. I leant forward and kissed the tip of her finger, knowing that I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep again.

"I won't be able to sleep," I said. She stuck her bottom lip out, pouting something fierce before she turned her pout into a wicked grin.

"Hmm, what if I said I wasn't so tired anymore?" She cocked her brow and slipped under the blankets, wiggling her body before she stopped and pulled her shorts from beneath the comforter. She held them out to me and dropped them to the floor, likely watching me as I stared at the heap of material she had taken off.

I looked back up to her astounded; she was giving me one of those 'whatcha gonna do now?' type of expressions.

"Seriously?"

"Well," she replied, dragging it out, "what else is morning wood good for?"

I gaped at her.

"Uh...nothing – I suppose," I told her with a couple of stutters and pauses. "But you, I mean – this entire week. You still want more?" She rolled her eyes and flipped on her back.

"Please, you wanted more last night in the hot tub," she said with a snort. "It's your fault I'm practically a nympho." I grinned smugly and got up off the floor, sliding under the comforter and slipping from my pyjama pants in the same fashion she'd removed her shorts. I was already hard from it being the morning and all this talk of sex, so when my hips came into contact with hers she moaned quietly.

I held my weight up with one arm beside her head and gripped the skin of her hip with the other. She leant up to kiss me and when my cock slid against her wetness her tongue collided with my top lip before she took the bottom one in her mouth. I pulled her against me, further grinding myself on her arousal before dipping the head of my cock inside her.

"Edward," she breathed, "I'm sorry." I slid in further until my length was sheathed completely in her tight warmth, finding her deep, brown eyes staring back at me.

"It's okay," I told her, "you were asleep." She shook her head and lifted her hips a tiny bit, shuddering and biting her lip.

"Not for that. I'm – sorry for pushing you this week," she corrected, sliding a hand beneath the blanket and under my shirt, stroking her fingers along my back with tenderness. I groaned when her fingernails worked against my skin, easing into her touch as I slid slowly in and out of her.

"It's – my fault," I told her, my breathing choppy and voice uneven.

"But it's, mine...too," she replied, arching her back from the bed when I pulled almost all the way out of her. She whimpered, her voice and mumbles sexy and incoherent as I kept my pace slow and even.

"Then we're both, to – blame," I panted, lifting her hips to mine when I thrusted. She threw her head back and her hair fanned out across my pillow, increasing my arousal as I loved to see her splayed out across _my _bed, on _my _pillows, underneath _my _blanket.

I revelled in that shit and milked it for all it was worth.

Conveniently, watching Bella as she writhed beneath me and listening to her quiet moans only pushed me further into my own ecstasy, and witnessing her cumming hard around my cock made me finish as well.

"Bella, fuck –" I grunted, stilling my hips against hers as each ribbon of cum spilled into her. She sank her fingers into my hair and pulled my lips to hers, tilting her head and deepening the kiss as a passionate moan swallowed me whole. Our tongues pressed intimately against each other, the rhythm gentle and languid as we sweat beneath the down comforter.

"I – love you," she panted between kisses, gliding her fingers along the back of my neck. I dropped my head to her shoulder and showered the skin with soft licks and nips, coaxing whimpers from her as her hands ventured down to my chest.

"I love you too," I replied, quickly pecking her cheek before pulling out of her. I fell to my side, tugging her body along with me until she rested securely in my arms. "You know I really am sorry, for making you feel so shitty."

She twisted her body and looked up to me, nodding as a tight smile graced her lips.

"I'm sorry too," she whispered, "for trying to push you when I knew there was no use. I just want to, I don't know, not think about our problems right now though. It's six-thirty in the morning for god's sake, and we've already had sex."

"We didn't just have sex," I told her, taking her chin between my thumb and forefinger so she would look at me. "I made love to you."

And fuck me if I didn't want to do it over and over again because Bella blushed at me. Her cheeks flushed that absolutely perfect shade of rose and she looked away, a fucking cute as hell smile dancing around the edges of her mouth. Her hair was spread out across my chest, and her strawberry scent coupled with her shy alter ego drove me to near insanity.

"I love that you're so gentle with me," she said, ghosting her fingers along the skin of my arm. "It's so different Edward; I know Friday did that to you." She looked up to me and I gazed back with a sudden, dull ache in my chest. Neither of us had mentioned it, but we both knew that it had altered something inside of me. I wasn't sure how something so small and insignificant could have affected me so deeply, but it did.

I didn't trust my voice not to crack so I nodded back, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She responded by kissing my chest through my shirt, yawning against me and emitting the most adorable squeak with it.

"Go back to bed," I told her quietly, carding my fingers into her hair and scratching lightly with the short nails I had. She pushed her head further into my hand and closed her eyes, sighing and obviously giving in to my suggestion. Surprisingly I was feeling sleepy as well, so I closed my eyes and joined Bella.

For the first time since I can remember I fell back asleep; listening to Bella mumbling my name as I succumbed to unconsciousness.

______

Bella and I woke up at nine, smiling at each other like fools because of our early morning love-making.

Yes, I'm calling it love-making because it makes my girl blush and that shit is just too cute.

When we'd brushed our teeth and showered – washing each other thoroughly, might I add – we headed downstairs to the smell of Esme's delicious pancakes wafting through the first floor of the house. We followed the smell to the kitchen, finding Jasper and Emmett absent because they were most likely still asleep. Alice and Rosalie were setting the table and when they were done Esme instructed them to go jump on the boys to get them up.

"Good morning," Esme said to us, smiling brightly when we walked into the kitchen. Bella went over to her and gave her a hug, getting a kiss on the cheek when they parted.

"How'd you sleep?" She asked as she hugged me now.

"Great, you?"

"I slept wonderfully, thank you," she replied with that warm smile of hers that made me feel like I was home. Although I knew this was my home, the only real home I'd ever had, Esme somehow made it all complete; she was the mother I never had.

"I hope you two are hungry," she told Bella and me, going over to the stove to flip a few pancakes before setting them on a plate.

"I'm starving actually," Bella said to Esme, winking at me before going over to her. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Bella you really don't have to, you're –" I watched as Bella laughed and rolled her eyes at Esme.

"I swear Esme, if you say I'm a guest I may just have to throttle you with that spatula," she said, putting her hand on her hip and tilting her head to look at Esme. After a few seconds of them just staring at each other with amused expressions, Esme kindly asked Bella to wash and cut some fruit. I felt sort of useless so I opted to help Bella with her task, taking up the job of washing while she cut.

Alice and Rose came back with Emmett and Jasper fifteen minutes later when breakfast was finally ready. We all ate and talked about the movies we'd be watching today, and I grinned mischievously when I mentioned the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. That was one of the one's I wanted to see Rose's reaction to – gory as hell and even more fucked up because it's a true story.

"Coop, popcorn?" Emmett said to Bella, cocking an eyebrow. Bella shook her head at him and laughed in astonishment.

"I can't believe after shovelling thirty pancakes in your mouth you still want to even look at food," she retorted, clearing her plate and getting the popcorn from the pantry. She put in a few bags anyways and when all the dishes were done we made to leave for the living room.

"Esme, do you want to watch a movie with us?" I asked because Carlisle had been called into the hospital due to some emergency and felt bad for just leaving her alone.

"No sweetie, it's alright. I actually have some work to do, you kids have fun," she said to me, waving me off. I nodded quickly before following everyone else into the living room and putting Saw 5 in the DVD player.

We watched the final instalment so far, and the end caused Rose to gasp and shy away from the screen, along with Bella. She hated the end when Strahm gets fucked to shit by the walls closing in on him. She also gets freaked about the stupid box that lowers into the ground because, where the hell does that fucker think he's going?

I swear, if I ever found a tape recorder just lying around I would chuck the motherfucker out a window.

"Oh my," Rosalie remarked with a shudder. "I hope they aren't making any more." I smirked and turned to her; she most likely wanted to hit me.

"I believe the next one's coming out in October," I told her with a wink, earning myself a narrowed but frightened expression from her.

"Really?" Bella asked excitedly. "Can we go see it?" I turned my attention back to her and shrugged.

"Sure."

She smiled at me and I got up from the love seat, going over to the stack of movies we had set up yesterday. Among the pile were many of my favourites, but the one I really wanted to watch was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was better to get the freaky ones out of the way now and save the less intense ones for midnight. I wanted to wake up tomorrow morning with my lungs and stomach still intact.

"What'd you pick?" Jasper asked. I looked over to him and grinned as he gave me a funny look.

Jasper and I weren't really friends. We never got along that great because he hated the way I treated Bella in the past, and I always thought he had a thing for her. I'd been told on numerous occasions that I was wrong but I couldn't help but feel protective and possessive of her. She was mine and I wouldn't let anyone take her from me, but as it turns out, I was wrong.

Jasper was actually a good guy, not to mention the fact that he was madly in love with the tiny, sometimes obnoxious, pixie at his side. So in my books, Jasper was cool.

"Texas Chainsaw Massacre," I replied, watching as Jasper grinned at me too, realizing why I was doing it in the first place.

"Oh Rose," Jasper called, looking behind him to see her munching on Emmett's third bowl of popcorn.

"Yes Jasper," she answered.

"Just so you know; this one's based on a true story."

I almost choked I was laughing so hard at Jasper. That fucker was funny too because I was just thinking about doing the same thing to her. Bella giggled a tiny bit against me as Rose looked pleadingly to Emmett.

"Dude, you're so not helping," he grumbled, kissing Rose on the cheek. He whispered something to her and she nodded as the movie started.

I tended to shiver throughout certain parts of the movie, mainly the beginning when the wandering whore offs herself in the back of their bitchin van. I can't help it, I just found it so disgusting that she pulls the gun, all bloody and shit, from herself, and sticks it in her mouth. I got goose bumps every time I watched it.

But the movie balanced itself out because the casting director had worked wonders in giving the main role to Jessica Biel. The first time we'd watched this together I'd let it slip that she was hot in the movie, and rather than getting slapped – which I fully expected – Bella agreed.

"_Oh hell yeah," _she'd replied, biting her lower lip. _"I'd tap that." _

That was about the point I gaped at her, fully aroused that my girlfriend said she'd fuck another chick.

Because, I mean, how awesome is that?

"I still think Jessica Biel is hot," I told Bella afterwards. She rolled her eyes and sat up, leaning with her chest against mine while her mouth rested on my ear.

"Yeah? Well I'd still do her," she replied with a laugh.

"Can I watch?" I asked hopefully. She paused like she was deep in thought before answering.

"I'll think about it."

I shook my head and got up, taking the movie out and searching the pile for the next.

"Ooh! Do you have Final Destination?" Alice asked suddenly, like she'd had some sort of epiphany. I looked through the pile and noted that it wasn't there, but when I looked to the shelf I saw Final Destinations one through three staring back at me.

"Yeah," I told her, "you want to watch them next?" Alice stuck her finger on her lip and tucked it in her mouth, chewing distractedly.

"Yes," she replied. I shrugged and stuck the first one in the DVD player.

"What is this one about?" Rosalie asked. I settled in next to Bella and listened while Emmett explained the main gist of the story.

Dude sees a plane crash in a dream. Said dude gets a bunch of people off the plane because he flips shit and scares the crap out of everyone. Then surprise! Turns out the dude was right because the plane detonates in mid-flight, killing all those poor bastards on board. Then after that Death starts chasing down the dude and the people he saved.

Pretty basic, but then again, the gore was sometimes intense. It even gave me shivers – especially when the scrap metal from the train absolutely owns that guy standing next to the track.

After Final Destination was over we took a long break to have a late lunch and stretch our legs. Esme was a sweetheart and made us all sandwiches and a salad, assuring us she had nothing better to do because Carlisle was at work and she only had housework to do now. We took our time eating, all of us standing around the table because we had a whole day of sitting ahead of us.

Once we were done we watched the other two Final Destination instalments, opting for dinner rather than starting another movie.

"I swear, I will never use a tanning bed again in my life," Rosalie announced with a grave shake of her head. "That's so gross."

"I know, it makes me nervous to go into them, but so far I've been okay," Alice said with a laugh. "All the stuff that kills them in those movies could never possibly happen. It's so...random, they way they die. There's no way all that shit would occur in that order."

It was true; while in Saw you believed that it could very well be possible to get kidnapped and strapped to a torture device, in Final Destination some of the deaths were laughable.

"So how's your marathon going?" Carlisle asked as we entered the kitchen, still in his scrubs. Rosalie answered with a disapproving groan and we all laughed because she wasn't necessarily going for the blood and gore.

"Rose didn't really enjoy Final Destination three," Bella said with a smirk as we all sat down at the table. Since there was so many of us again, and since Carlisle hadn't gotten home until five seconds ago, Esme ordered Chinese take-out instead, much to Emmett's delight.

We sat down at the table and filled our plates, getting encouragement from the parentals to take them into the living room and eat while starting our next movie. We did as we were told and took our dinners to our make-shift theatre, putting on the newest remake of Friday the 13th.

I hadn't seen this one yet, and neither had Bella, but within the first five seconds she recognized the main character, or one of the main characters, as Hailey from The O.C. I just shook my head and listened as Emmett bellowed 'Coop!' and Bella responded with 'Atwood!' just as loud.

By the time it was finished we were all tired from watching movies and decided to watch only one more, calling it an early night. We finished off by choosing The Amityville Horror remake with Ryan Reynolds, and boy did we get a fucking earful of how 'doable' he looked with his shirt off.

This was the only movie so far that Rose hadn't cringed away from because most of it was mental. The things George goes through aren't gory or disgusting, well except the whole basement scene where he gets bathed in blood. So Rose deemed the movie acceptable to her and she and Em went upstairs with Alice and Jasper.

Bella and I followed like the night before, traipsing up to our room and collapsing like we'd run an actual marathon rather than participating in becoming the world's laziest group of teenagers. She changed into my Strokes T-shirt again and the same pair of shorts, climbing into _my _bed and putting her head on _my _pillows.

Although she stayed here more than often I still loved to see her in my bed.

When we were comfortable I turned off the beside lamp, and just like last night we fell asleep, only this time I went to bed praying I wouldn't take an elbow to the gut when I awoke again.

______

Sunday went by in the same way, watching scary movie after scary movie in an attempt to complete our marathon. We began the day with The Hills Have Eyes, watching Hostel one and two afterwards. We'd watched a few others as well, ending our weekend marathon with Dawn of the Dead – a treasured zombie flick.

Bella and I smiled at each other, knowing that this particular type of horror movie belonged to us because of the night we'd first watched one. It was horrible and cheesy, sure, but what happened after was the best thing I'd ever done in my life. Pursuing something with Bella was the only smart thing I ever did after coming to this dreary town, and now I had to make up for all the shit I stirred in our relationship.

I just hoped she could hold on a little while longer as I tried to find the words I wanted to speak to her, the ones that would finally allow my protective armour to be shed and my secret to be shared.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** I hate to be a pain, but I love to hear your thoughts : ) leave me something, anything. It's all good!

The song quoted at the beginning is In Between by Linkin Park. I listened to it a lot while writing this chapter, so if you've never heard it, go listen ; )

Anyways, drop me a line – chat, anything. Let me know what your favourite scary movie is!


	12. Try Honesty

**A/N: **Alright, I sincerely apologize for this because I had an EPIC fail these past few weeks. My laptop just decided to break on me and Future Shop is about as useful as a door without a handle. They kept my laptop there for over a week and a half, claiming they 'didn't know' what was wrong with it. So after getting horribly fed up with them I went to get it, and they gave me a 900$ quote to fix it.

My computer was 700$ to begin with. So, long story short, I got a new one. I love it and I've been working like a crazy person since Saturday (when I got it) to get this up for you all.

It's pretty long but I didn't want to cut it in half. I didn't want to make everyone wait for the second half of this chapter because I wanted it out there.

Thanks so much for bearing with me as I sorted out all my laptop malfunctions. Also, I need to send out a massive thanks to Claire Bloom. She helped me through all this by listening to my incessant rants about hating porn-watching geeks that don't do their jobs haha. I owe you my sanity hun, lol, thanks for listening.

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**Insane, assault, so sly**_

_**Your well, of lies, ran dry**_

_**I pulled, the chord, free fall**_

_**From so high, I seem, so small"**_

**e.p.o.v**

"So what the fuck does 'guy's night' even mean?" I asked, shaking my head at the absurdity as I lay on the living room floor, eyes closed and hands clasped together behind my head.

"It means no chicks," Emmett replied, like I was a full out retard for even asking. "Hence the name bro."

I sat up and watched as Jasper and Emmett were sprawled out on the couch playing NHL '09 like zombies; eyes glued to the TV screen and mouths hanging open in their concentration.

"In other words we sit here like virginal loser, play Xbox, and talk about chicks when in reality we all have girlfriends?" I looked at them with raised brows as they ignored me completely and focused on the game. Emmett's controller vibrated in his hand and he frowned at Jasper, mouthing an obvious 'fuck you' to him.

"Well man, would you rather me braid your hair while we play truth or dare?" Emmett asked with a cocked eyebrow and a grin riddled with amusement. I flipped him off and lay back down, irritated to hell as another week of fighting had bypassed Bella and I.

I just didn't know what she wanted me to say.

Well okay, that's a lie.

I knew what she wanted to know, but I didn't get how she wanted me to come out and say it.

_Uh, Bella, the truth is that my father used to beat the living shit out of me. Yeah you know; no big deal. Oh right, until that one day he kicked my ass so hard he nearly killed me..._

Fuck. No.

I was stuck in this mess like I was suspended in purgatory, unable to drift one way or the other. The problem was that my heaven and hell lay at the same end of the spectrum now. Where I had my Bella I also had the truth – my hell and heaven all wrapped up into one glorious fucktastic package.

"Dude, do you actually want me to braid your hair?" Emmett asked with amused bewilderment, chucking a couch pillow at me. I groaned and tossed it aside, looking back to Emmett and Jasper, their figures upside down and distorted from my position.

"Screw off," I grumbled, "no I don't want you to braid my hair. Why don't you just do Jasper and call it a night," I shot back, winking at the cocky bastard. Emmett smirked at first but he quickly composed himself, swallowing thickly before retorting.

"Are you alright man?" He asked. I knit my brows together and sat up, looking between him and Jasper wearily.

"Fine, why?"

"You just...before – you looked like you were somewhere else. Completely lost," he told me, glancing over to Jasper, who, if I'm being honest, looked fucking clueless.

"I'm fine," I assure with a shrug, my nonchalance not really coming off like I planned.

"Is it Coop?" Emmett asked and his persistence latched onto my last nerve, stirring my anger and annoyance.

"Emmett I'm fine!" I shouted. "Drop it."

He sighed and set his controller down on the table, staring at it like it was the most interesting thing in the room.

"Man if you need to talk, then talk. The only person you say shit to anymore is Bella."

I ran my fingers through my hair and stood up, steeling myself to keep my temper at bay.

"Yeah Em, and look how well that's turned out," I said pointedly. I left the sad excuse for a 'guy's night' and went to the front hall, slipping on a coat and shoes before stepping out into the nippy air of late September.

I welcomed the cool breeze, listening to the whisper of leaves as the wind disturbed the forest surrounding me. I breathed in deep, relishing in the fresh air and allowing for it to calm my stress. The familiar smell in the air as I descended the stairs told me rain was on the way, but as that was a common occurrence in Forks, I wasn't surprised.

I stalked off into the night with my hands stuffed in my jacket pockets, my shoes aimlessly kicking at stones as I made my way down the drive. I blew my breath out my mouth as I wandered to nowhere, watching briefly as a wispy puff of air formulated in front of my face, only to disappear just as fast as it came.

When I'd walked about a mile down the deserted road with nothing but my haunting thoughts I came to a break in the trees where an entry way sat. I cut left and found the parking lot of the local Forks playground – a place I'd never even been before.

A series of lamp posts were littered across the yard, highlighting the array of blue, yellow, and red that made up the children's play area. There wasn't much to it; some monkey bars, a jungle gym with a slide, and a swing set.

I trudged past the playground and made my way to the grass, passing the perfectly good benches as I opted for the friendly comfort of the earth.

I sat on the damp ground, staring up at the sky in an attempt to make sense of my life, of this grand mess of shit that I called my life at least. I watched the stars in awe, remembering that I was only one very small, insignificant part of this universe. I was unimportant and one in six billion; people probably had worse problems than me.

A flicker of red and white passed by overhead and I blinked, following the jet as it crossed the night sky, eventually disappearing from my view.

My hands shifted in my pockets and sunk deeper as I brought my knees to my chest. The fingers of my right hand wrapped around something hard and metallic and I pulled it from my pocket.

I stared down at the lighter, twirling it between my fingers and watching as the light from the park danced off the silver and disappeared into the dark, creating a glaring beauty that only my eyes saw.

I flicked open the lid and stroked it to life, my thumb stinging momentarily before feeling the heat of the flame. My eyes followed the flicker of fire as it moved with the wind, understanding how something could come to be and disappear just as easily.

Just like Bella and me.

The way in which our relationship fell into place came almost naturally, like it was supposed to be that way from the moment we took our first breaths. But no matter how simple that all seemed I never realized how instantaneous losing her would be.

I could say one thing and she would leave. It was as simple as that.

Like the sick and twisted bitch fate was the flame from the lighter extinguished as I thought of life without Bella.

Where Bella wasn't _my _Bella. She was someone else's Bella, wearing someone else's band T-shirt and lying in someone else's bed.

I growled quietly to myself and stood, cocking my arm back and hurling the lighter into the darkness of the thick forest, glaring with satisfaction when the trees swallowed it whole.

I turned with a heaving chest to the sound of gravel crunching beneath feet, squinting across the playground as I saw a hooded figure approaching me. I raked my fingers through my hair, exhaling heavily as the hood was shed and Jasper's blonde hair ruffled with the wind, colouring his cheeks pink while his breath came out in puffs like mine.

"I'm glad it's you and not some crazy homeless person," he said, his voice calm and controlled as his dark, blue eyes met mine. "You have to stop running from your problems man."

I sighed and shook my head. "Why do you care? You hate me anyways."

Jasper's eyes narrowed and he took a step closer, making my heart race even faster. His glare was heated and angry, and as I stared back I saw a glimpse of a person I had never met before. I'd never seen this side of Jasper in all the four years I'd known him.

"For what it's worth Edward," he began, low and calculated, "I never hated you. You don't know how many times I wanted to for the shit you did, but Bella saw something in you, and for some reason, she still does. I know we're not friends Edward, and I'm not going to pretend that we are. I've watched too many times as you ran from your issues, breaking her god damn heart because you're selfish."

He stopped and straightened his jacket, likely waiting for a reply. I had no words, no voice, to tell him that he'd just confirmed everything I already knew.

"But if you think I'm going to just sit idly by this time and watch you push her away again – you're wrong. Do you know how many times she's cried over you?" He raised his voice, stepping closer still as his fingers wrapped around my jacket and pulled me the rest of the way. His face was inches from mine and I wanted to flinch back in unease.

"Do you have any idea what you put her through?" He whispered now, his voice a concoction of anger and disdain.

"Yes," I breathed, swallowing hard, not daring to move a muscle.

"Then why do you put her through so much shit when you love her?" He asked, a frown and furrowed brows marring his face. "You may put up your walls and bury yourself in ten feet of isolation but I can see how much you love her. Why do you constantly hurt her?"

I averted Jasper's gaze, blinking back tears and chewing on the inside of my cheek. I looked back to him, studying his face before I cleared my throat.

"I'm scared," I told him, my breathing ragged and voice hoarse. He released me from his grasp and staggered back a little, his eyes widening in shock.

I stood there – vulnerable.

I felt like a lamb in a sea of lions, waiting with baited breath as the hungry cats decided who would be first to rip the lamb limb from limb.

"What are you scared of?" He asked quietly, silently assessing my frail demeanour.

"Being with Bella," I blurted, "losing her. Loving her. Being loved back. The truth..." I broke off, shaking my head. "Everything."

Jasper took a deep breath and put his hand on my shoulder, and oddly comforting gesture to me for reasons I couldn't fathom.

"Don't you think Bella's just as scared?" He asked, tilting his head slightly. "She's just as vulnerable as you are, putting just as much of herself out there."

I curled my fingers in my hair and let out a strangled cry, sinking to my knees and feeling the damp earth as it had been softened from the light mist casting its enveloping shadow over the town. I panted, knowing the wetness from the ground would be stained on the front of my jeans as I could feel it soaking through the denim.

"Jasper – you have no idea. What I've been through," I said, shaking my head, "you don't get it. It's like I'm here...but I'm not, you know? Like, fuck –" I wiped at my cheeks and felt the tears, cursing because I'd actually cried in front of Jasper.

"Kind of like your body is there but you're not?" He asked, mistaking my cursing for not being able to find the words. I eyed him curiously and nodded, sighing in relief that he hadn't commented or reacted to my embarrassing outburst.

"It's like that all the time," I mumbled, looking up to him as he stared down at me. "Except when I'm with Bella. She makes me smile – and laugh. She makes me feel, Jazz, and when she's not around it's like I'm going through the motions of living just because I have nothing better to do. I mean, how am I supposed to show her who I am when I don't even know who that is?"

Jasper crouched down in front of me and clasped his hands together, pressing the tips of his thumbs against each other.

"Dude, what the hell do you think Bella's trying to do? That's exactly it," he said, pointing to my chest. "She wants to figure you out, to find out who you are. Together."

I closed my eyes and dropped my head, covering my face with my hands.

The son of a bitch was right.

"I just don't know man..." I croaked, gazing intimately at the dewy grass being crushed by my knees. "How – how the fuck will this ever work?"

Jasper didn't reply; he knew it was a rhetorical question and left me to my silence.

After a while Jasper joined me on the cold ground, waiting like a mute as my fingers absently plucked blades of grass, tossing them aside until the clippings formed a small pile. When my fingers grew numb from the chilled wetness I heard a low, rumbling vibration. I looked aimlessly about me and Jasper pulled his phone from his pocket, the faint dull light of the screen illuminating his features before he answered.

"Hey...yeah – no I found him," he paused, listening intently to whoever was on the other end. "Yeah we'll be back in a few man. Okay – bye."

"Emmett?" I asked even though I thought I already knew the answer.

"Yep," he replied with a nod. "He's worried about you. He – told me to tell you he's sorry, for before." Jasper looked down before his eyes met mine again, a confused expression crossing his face. "We should get back."

I blew out a ragged breath, greeted with the vapour before my eyes as I stood, shoving my hands in my pockets once more. I made my way out of the park and down the road, feeling Jasper behind me and hearing him as his shoes crushed the gravel like mine.

When we got back to the house neither Jasper nor I spoke, quietly taking off our shoes and coats and keeping to ourselves. Emmett appeared in the hallway when I was about to take off for the stairs, a solemn, apologetic pair of eyes meeting my own. Emmett opened his mouth to speak, likely to utter another apology, but I held up my hand to stop him, shaking my head.

"It's okay," I told him, my jaw hard and tense with every word. Without as much as another glance at either of them I went up to my room, kicking the door shut and sinking down onto my bed in the dark.

I was consumed.

Darkness, self-hatred, fright.

It all consumed me.

Love for Bella, my need to tell her the truth, the truth itself.

I heard another rumble, a vibration, coming from my nightstand. My phone rattled its surface, dancing close to the edge and glowing radiantly, showing me Bella's name as it flashed across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where have you been? Are you okay?" Bella's voice was laced with concern and I furrowed my brows. Did she have some sixth sense about me, or what?

"I'm fine Bella, why?"

She sighed. "I left you about five texts and you never responded," she replied.

"Oh, shit. Sorry I just left my phone in my room."

I smacked myself in the forehead for being so forgetful. Yet another reason why I was a selfish bastard; I only thought about myself half the time.

"It's alright. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know this week wasn't the...greatest."

I threaded my fingers into my hair and held back the growl forming in my throat. I hated myself for being the cause of her pain; her voice was thick when she spoke of this week, much like when she was upset.

"I'm so – sorry," I whispered, tugging on my hair painfully hard. All the emotions that had stirred within in me when I was with Jasper were surfacing again, and before I could help it I blurted, "I need to see you."

"Uh, okay – Edward, is everything okay?"

"No Bella," I half-whimpered, "I'm not okay. Where are you?"

"Alice's, but –"

"Can I come get you?" I asked and she hesitated before responding.

"Are you able to drive? You don't sound good Edward."

"I'm fine; I'll be there in five minutes."

"Edward, please let me come to you. I'd feel a lot better, please," she said in a rush. I sucked in a staggered breath and nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"Okay. Can you meet me at the park near my house?" I asked quietly.

"There's a park near your house?"

I smiled despite how broken I felt.

"Yeah. There's a driveway before my street. I'll meet you there."

She agreed and I hung up, going back down the stairs and repeating the same thing I'd done over an hour ago. When I got to the park Bella's truck wasn't in the lot so I went over to the playground, sitting at the base of the slide for her to get there.

I closed my eyes and lay back, feeling the uncomfortable hardness and straining my ears for sounds of her arrival. After a few minutes I saw a bright light from behind my lids and heard the rattled wheezing of Bella's truck as it ambled into the parking lot.

With a sigh I sat up, watching as my Bella got out of her truck and wrapped her arms around herself, making her way over to me. When she came to stand in front of me she knelt down, reaching out tentatively, her fingers stroking the side of my face, like she was scared it would break if she touched it with too much force.

When her index finger traced my bottom lip I gently kissed the tip, taking her free hand in mine. I led her away from the slide and to the grass, where Jasper had talked some sense into me before.

I may not be able to tell her right now about my past, but I could show her a piece of _me. _

If I ever wanted her to see me for who I was, whoever that may be, I needed to figure it out for myself, but I wasn't even giving _her_ the opportunity. I wasn't just holding back the past I was holding back part of who I was as a person. I wasn't even letting her in to see who Edward Masen was, let alone what happened in his fucked up past.

I needed to give her that chance. She wanted to see me for who I was, so I would give her what I could, for now.

I sat down on the ground and Bella joined me without needing instruction, waiting quietly for me to do something.

I sighed before I muttered, "Grape." Bella furrowed her brows at me and chuckled quietly as I gave her a half-amused smile. She must have thought I was crazy.

"It was my favourite flavour of popsicle when I was a kid," I told her, elaborating, giving my one word actual meaning. I looked to her in the darkness of night, watching as her brown eyes widened in understanding. She inched closer to me and took my hand, twining her fingers with mine and resting them on her thigh.

"I always liked orange," she replied with a small smile. I squeezed her fingers against my own, silently thanking her for putting up with my shit and being patient.

The rest of the night we talked about everything. I talked about selective parts of my childhood that I could bear and Bella listened, often offering facts about herself as well; some of which I already knew. By the time dawn came around I felt better and worse all at the same time.

I felt good about getting some of that stuff out there and letting Bella in, but at the same time I felt weak and vulnerable. I hated feeling like my guard was down because I had spent so much of my past cowering and living in fear.

It was bittersweet because I hated that feeling, but couldn't help to know that I was _safe _with her. I knew she wouldn't push me away or hurt me like my father had. She would accept me for who I was and smile when I gave her something, anything, about me.

Throughout the night we had walked around the park aimlessly, talking or sometimes wandering in complete silence. When the sun tried its best to peek through the clouds Bella was sitting on the wet grass with her back against a tree. We had sunk down near the forest and I was lying on the ground with my head in her lap, looking up to her as her delicate fingers journeyed through my hair, taking a familiar route over and over.

"Thank you," she muttered, staring down at me with such love in her eyes. I gazed back, hoping I was conveying the same look as I took her hand in mine, gently kissing each fingertip while she smiled.

"Thank _you,_" I replied. She tilted her head in confusion. "For listening, understanding...for being you." I shook my head and furrowed my brows, playing with her tiny, pinkie finger. "I wish I could be brave enough for you, to give you what you want. I'm such a coward."

I turned my face from her and I heard her sigh as she took my chin in her hand and shifted me so I was looking up to her again. Her thumb grazed the stubble on my jaw and a smile ghosted across her lips before she spoke.

"Don't you ever call yourself a coward, Edward. You're far from it; I think you just need a little shove in the right direction." That beautiful smile fell upon her lips and I stared, mesmerized by her beauty as rain began to fall, staining her hair a darker shade of brown. "Nobody said this would be easy," she whispered.

"I know," I said to myself more than to her, sitting up and feeling stiffness in my back from lying down in that position for so long. "Come on, it's starting to rain." I stood up and held my hand out for her. She took it and we went back to her car, getting in and peeling out of the parking lot, heading in the direction opposite my house.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Breakfast?" She said, more like a question then a statement. I looked over to her from the passenger seat and grinned, nodding back as she headed to the Forks diner.

**b.p.o.v**

"Bella wait!" Alice's voice called from the table. I turned around and saw her prancing over to me as I headed to the lunch line. I shook my head and kept walking, feeling her presence as she came to my side. "So what happened the other night exactly? You just kind of took off."

I bit my lip for a second and cleared my throat. "I don't know really. We just talked about nothing, and everything. He talked, I listened. I don't know what came over him, but he sounded like he was in pain or something. Sorry I just ditched," I told her with a tiny pout. She waved her hand as if to say 'don't worry about it'.

"That's understandable. You don't have to explain," she replied nonchalantly. I silently thanked god for Alice's gift of knowing when something wasn't her business. She knew when to pry and when not to, and from my tone she knew that I didn't want to talk about me and Edward anymore. So she dropped it.

I ordered some generic looking sandwich for Edward and greasy fries for myself as Alice stuck with a salad. We went back over to the table and Jasper and Edward were talking while Emmett and Rose were still absent. Jasper had one class a month at the school itself to write a report for his co-op class and that was today.

"Yeah I did," Edward said just as we sat down.

"Huh?" I said questioningly.

"Oh nothing," Edward replied with the same wave Alice had given me. "I was talking to Jazz."

I nodded but couldn't help to notice that he'd called Jasper by the nickname I'd given him. He _never _called Jasper that. He barely addressed him, let alone call him by his nickname. It was curious but I didn't bring it up because I was just happy that Edward was finally talking to Jasper and realizing he was a good guy and a great friend. He had been there for me all these years and I owed him my gratitude, as well as Alice, for having such people around when I thought I couldn't even get out of bed I was so broken.

It was halfway through the lunch period before Emmett and Rose strolled into the cafeteria, looking suspicious and sloppy. Rosalie's hair was in chaotic disarray and her lips were red and swollen, looking striking similar to Emmett's. I practically snorted when they sat down at the table.

"Have a little fun time in the Jeep there did we?" I said with a stifled laugh, watching as Rosalie turned beet red. She ran her fingers through her silky blonde strands and bowed her head, evading my question.

"Nah, not in the Jeep," Emmett replied with a wink. "In the Mustang." He wiggled his eyebrows and Rosalie shot him a fierce look, smacking his bicep before crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"You're such a man," she scowled, toying with a scrap of napkin on the table. Emmett smiled widely and snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

"You know you love me," he said playfully. She narrowed her eyes slightly but smiled, sealing her lips into a tight line. She simply pecked him on the mouth and turned back to the rest of us who were looking at them with amused smiles.

I rested back in my chair and watched as Edward ate his sandwich, absently picking at my fries even though I wasn't really that hungry. With everything going on between us lately I found that I didn't have much of an appetite; I'd been too consumed with talking and thinking that it often got shafted or forgotten altogether.

"You okay?" He asked after he swallowed a mouthful of sandwich. I glanced sideways at him and smiled, nodding my head in assurance. Nothing was really the matter, I just felt a little down as of late. Things were moving as slow as molasses and my patience was wearing thin. I understood that it was hard for him but it was hard for me too – not knowing.

It crushed my spirit that he was such a mystery to me.

"I'm okay," I said, patting his leg under the table. "Just not that hungry."

I watched him tense his jaw before he leaned in and chastely kissed my temple, my eyelids fluttering closed with the simple gesture coming from him. It was small and perfect because I knew he was trying. Public displays of affection weren't his thing but he was doing it for me.

"Feeling sick?" He whispered, his hand reaching up and his thumb tenderly stroking my exposed neck. I hummed quietly and nodded again, easing into his touch while he abandoned his food and wrapped his arm around me.

We stayed like that for the rest of the lunch hour; Edward picked apart his sandwich and finished off my fries while I nestled into him.

I felt elated that we were so close to each other and that he could actually bear it. But with that feeling my stomach was twisting in knots, unable to shake the looming notion that things weren't really progressing for us.

With Edward's honesty came another heap of questions I had for him, and with that, another obstacle for us to overcome.

______

"Hello?" I yelled into the front hallway, slinging my bag down on the ground and taking off my shoes.

"In here Bella," my mom's voice said from the kitchen. I followed the clanking of metal and found Renee pulling out a muffin tin from a drawer, setting it on the counter before she turned to someone sitting at the table. She had a familiar shock of red hair and those black-rimmed glasses sitting on her nose; a delighted smile played on her lips as she greeted me.

"Hello Bella," she said to me. I smiled back and went over to hug her. I hadn't seen her since the first day of school.

"Hey Sandy," I replied, leaning down to hug her.

"How's school been so far?"

I shrugged. School was school. "It's alright. AP English is a little tough but I actually like it." I furrowed my brows at this because I really _did _enjoy AP English. I loved to read and found that the new teacher they'd assigned for the class was a great mentor. She made me see things that no other teacher would be able to.

"That's great," she told me with a crinkly-eyed smile. "Have you thought more about post-secondary sweetheart?"

I pulled out the chair next to Sandy and sat down, pursing my lips thoughtfully before I responded.

"Not really," I admitted honestly. Sandy nodded minutely and I felt Renee's hands on my shoulders while she leant down.

"Sandy thinks it's a good idea to think about that stuff Bella," Renee said to me. "I know you've told us before that you don't want to, but it would be such a great opportunity baby."

I twisted my neck and looked up to her, seeing the determination and support in her eyes. She wanted me to do this, and if I was being honest, I'd thought a little about it lately myself.

With Edward opening up and me finally seeing a future with him in it, I wasn't sure what would happen. What did we expect to do, move out somewhere and live off a high school diploma? Most places these days only hired you if you had educational experience – a degree. Unless you were looking to become a supermarket employee for the rest of your life there really wasn't an option.

"It would be a good thing to look into Bella. It's such an amazing experience; I think you'd love it," Sandy added. I looked between my mom and Sandy, sighing at their tag-team efforts.

"I know," I told them, "I think it would be too. I'll think about it, okay?"

Renee squeezed my shoulders tightly and Sandy smiled, appeased by my decision to think college through.

"Next time, no tag-teaming me," I said with a playful glare in Sandy's direction. They both laughed and denied any such thing.

"Oh, how was work?" Renee asked. I rolled my eyes.

Work had been even more boring lately because Mike had been avoiding me completely. Not that it wasn't what I wanted, but without him there bugging me it was like the crickets were chirping even louder, deafening me with their songs.

I literally sat there and read a book the _entire_ night. For that AP English class we were reading _The Tempest _by Shakespeare. I loved reading Shakespeare, but sometimes that man was a wordy son of a bitch.

Alice's English class had read it already, but for her class they didn't need to do much with it. Just study and analyze it. For my AP class we actually had to translate certain acts and write an essay on it.

"It was alright," I replied with a shrug, "but I have homework to do. So I'm going to go do that."

I hugged Sandy goodbye and gave my mom a peck on the cheek before I grabbed my bag from the front hall and went up to my room. I slumped down on my bed with a notebook and a copy of _The Tempest_ in hand, ready to translate.

It was well over an hour before I was finished writing in English what Shakespeare had written in Elizabethan and my brain was tired. I felt physically exhausted from staring at the pages for so long and my body couldn't handle it any longer.

I called Edward to say goodnight and we ended up talking for a while. He'd spent the night doing homework and hanging out with Emmett, which was something he seemed to be doing a lot of lately, and that made me happy.

I wanted him to be more social, to _not _push people away, and that's what he was doing. I wanted him to be the person he was without his doubts and insecurities. I could see that person trying to shine through but the stubborn shield Edward had thrown up was blocking his true self from coming free. He was hindering himself and it was painful to see him doing that because I could tell he was tired of hiding, and I was getting tired of it too.

______

Tuesday and Wednesday went by in the same fashion. I went to school and then went to work – bored as all hell and reading a lot more than I cared to. By the time Thursday came I wanted to burn every book written by Shakespeare, watching with maniacal laughter as the flames engulfed the complex language he found it necessary to write in.

So needless to say I was in desperate need of human interaction, and Alice had brilliantly suggested all of us doing something together.

"A movie?" Alice asked, looking to everyone else at the lunch table.

"Like renting one...?" Emmett replied confusedly. Alice rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"No genius. I mean like going to Port Angeles or something. There's nothing to do around here," Alice clarified. I looked to Edward and he was quietly sipping on a bottle of water, impartial to the conversation. He hadn't said a word and it didn't really surprise me.

"I like that idea," I said, watching as Edward glanced in my direction and nodded.

"Me too," said Edward. Alice clapped her hands together and made sure it was okay with Rosalie and Emmett before she got on her iPhone to check movie times.

"What movie do you guys want to see?" She asked, curiously glancing around the table for everyone's opinion. "Only a few good ones are playing. Transformers 2, My Sister's Keeper, The Hangover..." She trailed off and looked hopefully to the rest of us.

"Yo, The Hangover is supposed to be hilarious," Emmett said with a grin. "We should totally see that."

We all agreed and Alice said she'd text Jasper to let him know of our plans and to tell him to just stay down there rather than coming home after his co-op.

After lunch Edward walked with Rose, Emmett, and I to our trig class, holding my hand and looking almost peaceful in his silence. We all stopped in front of the door to the class and Edward pulled me off the side, running his tongue along his bottom lip before he spoke.

"I'll see you after?" He asked, thumbing my knuckles.

"Yeah, after school. You're okay with tonight right? We don't have to go if you don't want to Edward," I told him, stepping closer and putting my hand on his hip. "It's okay, I'll understand."

"No Bella, its fine. Sounds like fun actually," he replied with my favourite crooked smile. I stared at him for a few seconds, completely in awe of the effects that smile had on me, lost in the green eyes that were staring back. "I want to go."

"Okay," I said with a nod. "I'll see you later." I leant up and kissed him on the lips before he had the chance to even think about backing away. He licked his lips after and shook his head with a tiny grin, turning from me and heading in the direction of his calc class.

I went into the classroom and found Rose already at the desk we shared. I sat down next to her and she was chewing absently on her fingernail, her perfect, sculpted brows furrowing as she stared down at her notebook.

"Hey?" I said, nudging her shoulder with mine. I must have startled her because she flinched back and put her hand to her chest, smiling at me before she giggled.

"Hey," she greeted back. "Sorry, I was so lost in my thoughts."

"I can see that," I told her, pointing down to her book. "Are you alright?"

She mashed her brows together again and rested her chin on her hand that was propped up by her elbow on the table.

"I think so, yes," she said cryptically. I eyed her sceptically and raised a brow.

"You think so?" I asked amusedly. She gave me a fleeting smile before she bit her lip, sighing loudly. She leant in and motioned with her forefinger for me to go closer, so I did.

"Can you please not repeat this?" She asked, her striking green eyes boring into mine.

"I promise anything you say to me will stay between us Rose," I assured her. She smiled again and put a hand on my shoulder, bracing herself for whatever she was about to confess. She looked to the ground and then back at me, a sad smile on her face.

"I'm in love with the man-whore," she admitted with a small chuckle. I smiled so wide my face hurt and wrapped an arm around Rose's shoulder, pulling her closer to me.

"I promise I won't tell Emmett," I said, keeping my word. "If it's any consolation I think he's outgrowing his phase. He hasn't been with anyone since he's met you."

Rosalie pulled back and her eyes were wide with shock, her mouth agape.

"Really?" She asked with disbelief.

"Really," I repeated, smiling. "He hasn't wanted to either. It's been bothering him that you've made such an impression on him Rose. I think he loves you too."

Rosalie's smile was as bright as day while she rested back in her chair, glancing to me and away again, like she was in third grade and had just been told little Timmy had a crush on her. I laughed and shook my head as I sat back in my chair as well, listening as the teacher began the trig lesson.

Before I knew it class was over and Rose still had a ghost of a smile on her lips as she got up from her chair to leave. When we parted for last period I groaned.

Gym.

I was so not in the mood for gym today and I didn't even want to look at Stanley anymore. Every day she watched me with a bitchy stare and a scowl. I tried my best to ignore it but she was always _there, _just as annoying and plastered with make-up as ever.

I changed in silence, listening to the dramatic happenings of the girls around me and how they debated whether or not to buy a slutty dress or a classy dress for the formal. It had been announced yesterday by Alice herself, all perky and excited over the PA during the morning announcements. I was eager for the dance because it was a different experience for me, but I felt out of place, almost like I didn't belong, because the drama of the girls in my gym class was stark in its contrast to my own drama.

While they were worried about what to wear I was worried about how my boyfriend would act. While they were concerned with whether or not they'd get to dance with more people than their friends, I was only concerned with whether or not Edward would touch me like that in a gym full of people.

I felt like screaming until my throat was raw because I was stuck in situation meant for people much older than me. This is the type of drama I _should _have as a teenager, worrying about my clothes, but instead I was dealing with a socially degenerate boyfriend that I loved with everything I had in me. It was my job to save him from himself, and wanted or not, the drama he stirred within our relationship was mine.

______

"Nuh uh," Alice said, pushing against Edward's chest as he tried to reach for my hand. I giggled as he shook his head and backed off, looking down to Alice with narrowed eyes. "The girls are riding in the Mustang and you two are taking the Volvo."

"Oh are we now?" Edward asked, trying to keep his face smooth before he cracked and smiled. I could see that he was trying not to laugh because Alice was so tiny yet so fierce – you wanted to laugh but you knew she was completely serious.

"Yes, we are," she said with confidence. "We'll meet you at the restaurant."

Emmett laughed and kissed Rose as Edward stepped around Alice and quickly gave me a peck on the cheek.

"We'll meet you there," he whispered, letting his lips linger for longer this time after he spoke. I felt a chill rolling down my spine and I nodded, giving him a small smile before I retreated with Alice and Rose to the Mustang.

"Shotgun!" Alice shouted, putting her finger on her nose to 'shotty' the seat. I rolled my eyes and grumbled incoherencies at her before sliding in the backseat, watching as Alice and Rose got in after me. When Rosalie turned on the car a low melody filled the air; it was soothing and mesmerizing, and as I listened I noticed the song wasn't being sung in English.

Alice looked back to me quizzically and we both turned our stares to Rose as she got on the highway.

"Is this French?" I asked, even though it was obvious that that's what it was.

"Yes," Rosalie replied with a smile. After that she began singing along with the attractive male voice coming from her speakers, and I was captivated by her too. I loved it when she spoke in French, but to hear her sing in it was something entirely different. She sounded beautiful.

"Wow," Alice breathed, gazing out her window as the forest slowly began to disappear and was replaced with houses the closer we came to Port Angeles. "Rose your voice is amazing."

"Thanks," she said with a timid smile. "I took singing lessons back home."

"Well you should sing professionally," I told her from the back seat. "I'd buy your CD."

Rose laughed and began to sing again as another song came on; I listened, closing my eyes and sitting comfortably as I became accustomed to the harmony of her voice. It only took us another ten minutes to get to the restaurant and Edward and Emmett had beaten us there. They were both leaning up against the back of the Volvo, hands stuck in their pockets and looking like they'd just stepped off the cover of a magazine.

Rose parked next to them and we got out. I went over to Edward and he unhitched himself from the car, raking his fingers through his erratic hair as he inhaled deeply.

"How was the drive?"

A mess of butterflies assaulted my stomach for utterly ridiculous reasons. It's a simple god damn question, not his life's story.

"It was good," I told him with a smile. "How about yours?"

He smirked and glanced to Emmett who was attempting to coax a kiss from Rosalie.

"It was...interesting," he told me with a cocked brow. I raised mine in return and we both rested against the Volvo; Edward put his arm around the back of my neck and leant down, kissing me on the top of the head.

"How long until Jasper gets here?" Emmett asked Alice as she danced back and forth in front of us, lost in her own little world.

"He should be here soon," she said, gazing up at the sky. "I told him we were here."

Alice kept up her fluid movements as we waited for Jasper, and just like she predicted, he arrived moments later, pulling into the spot next to the Mustang.

"Finally!" Emmett shouted when Jasper got out and went over to Alice, kissing her sweetly and hugging her. "I'm fucking starving."

I laughed with everyone else because of Emmett's ridiculous eating habits as we walked from the parking lot into the restaurant. Since it was early in the evening there weren't many people there and we were seated as soon as we walked in. The waitress was going to give us a booth that could easily fit six people, but when she looked back to us and saw Emmett's size she led us to a table instead.

In my opinion it was a good call. I didn't want to be sitting squished in between Emmett and someone else while I ate my food.

"Your server will be with you shortly," the hostess said. I nodded at her in thanks and she smiled before walking away.

"So, we're seeing The Hangover?" Jasper asked curiously as he flipped through the menu.

"Yeah," Edward answered from beside me, looking over his own menu. "Apparently it's supposed to be hilarious, according to Emmett." Edward glanced sideways to Emmett and raised his eyebrow at him. Emmett scratched the side of his face with his middle finger and I smirked at their brotherly antics.

While they were cousins, Emmett and Edward were closer than any two cousins I'd ever seen. They were more like brothers and it made my heart swell that he had such family when his life before this had been in shambles. I was glad he'd had people that cared for him and took him in when he had nobody else to go to.

"It _is _supposed to be good, jackass," Emmett said in such a matter-of-fact tone. "Connor saw it a few months ago and he said it was worth seeing."

Edward just rolled his eyes and continued to scan the menu, and as I hadn't done that yet I decided it would be a good idea to figure out what I wanted _before _the server came to us. I was in the mood for pasta so I ordered a promising looking penne dish while everyone else ordered their own food.

Throughout dinner we all talked about anything that came up and I laughed because Emmett was in one of those giddy moods. He always made jokes and acted like a complete tool but it made me smile because he was hilarious. Emmett had just finished telling a dirty nun joke when the waitress brought over the bill and I was still in tears, laughing harder than ever because the joke was dirty, stupid, and funny as hell.

"You okay Bella?" Rosalie asked from beside Emmett. I wiped underneath my eyes with each hand and nodded as another round of laughing consumed me. I glanced over to Alice and she was shaking her head and giggling at me. She had laughed pretty hard as well but I was the only one who found it truly hilarious. I don't know why I found it so funny but I couldn't stop laughing.

"Emmett, you're so – stupid," I said between chuckles. "How do you come up with these things?"

He shrugged and began sucking on a candy that the waitress had left us. "Don't know. I'm so good that they just come to me."

Edward rolled his eyes and snorted. "Yeah right. It's called the internet," he said with a smirk. I giggled again and Emmett grumbled something at Edward that I couldn't hear.

"Fine, want to hear another one?" I shrugged and waved my hand at him as if to tell him to go ahead.

"It's a blonde joke though," Emmett said, glancing sideways to Rose. She stared back at him with a tight smile on her lips, watching him with a raised brow to see if he would continue. He cleared his throat before he did.

"Okay, so a blonde walks into a store and takes an item up to the cash register. She says, 'I'd like to buy this TV.' The guy at the register looks to her and says, 'Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.'" Emmett looked over to Rose again and she was listening to his joke intently, like everyone else at the table. "So the next day she goes back and does the same thing, but this time as a red head. The man tells her again that they don't sell to blondes and she returns each day with a different hair colour, getting told the same thing. Finally she shaves her head, takes the item to the register and does the same thing she did every day."

Emmett smirked before he continued. "When the man tells her they don't sell to blondes she gets fed up and asks, 'How the hell do you know I'm blonde?' and the man answers, 'Because that's a microwave.'"

It wasn't as funny as his other joke but I laughed, watching as Rosalie rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Ha, ha, so funny. Blondes are dumb," she said with sarcasm. Emmett snaked his arm around the back of her neck and leaned in, kissing her forehead softly.

"I never said you were dumb babe," he assured her. "Dumb blonde jokes are inevitable, and you have to admit, some of them are pretty good." Rosalie sighed and agreed as each of the guys paid for the separate bills. I would have minded Edward paying but he said he didn't care, and that he actually liked paying for me. I never let him get me presents for my birthday so I let it slide because he'd insisted.

"Mmm, it's nice out," I said as we walked to the theatre. It was a five minute walk from the restaurant so we decided to hoof it because it wasn't that far.

"It is," Edward agreed as he took my hand, entwining his fingers with mine. "You can see some stars even." I watched Edward as he turned his face to the sky and stared up in wonder, curious as to what was going through his mind but finding myself too cowardly to ask.

"It's beautiful," I mumbled, looking up with him. He squeezed my fingers against his and we walked in silence the rest of the way, listening to Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rose as they talked about things of little consequence.

When we got to the theatre it wasn't busy, which didn't come as a shock because it was a Thursday night. We bought our tickets and got some snacks, sitting down in our seats near the back and watching the screen as random commercials played on it.

"This vaguely reminds me of a certain date I went on a while ago," Edward whispered to me. I smiled into my lap and felt my shoulders shaking with my laughter.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up to him. He smiled back and nodded, leaning down to place a chaste kiss to my lips.

"Yep," he replied against my mouth. "You taste like caramel," he then groaned. I smirked and shook the box of Milk Duds in my hands. He quickly took my bottom lip between his teeth, gently sucking on it as I whimpered quietly.

"Edward," I mumbled, fisting my hand into his shirt. I was about to pull him closer, aching for the feel of his tongue against mine, but Alice interrupted.

"Bella!" She called from a few seats down. I abruptly pulled away from Edward and peered around him so see her hanging off the edge of her chair.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to the bathroom, want to come?" She asked and I rolled my eyes. I glanced to Edward quickly and he was leaning back in his chair with his fingers rubbing at his bottom lip.

"I'll be right back," I told him, leaning up to him. I pulled his hand away from his face and softly kissed him before I went to the washroom with Alice and Rose. Why we had to go places in a group was beyond me, but every time Alice went to the bathroom she needed us to go with her.

This time though she actually had a reason for taking us with her.

"Okay, spill," Alice said, staring determinedly at Rosalie. She looked back at Alice with confusion etched into her face, furrowing her brows before searching my face for help. I didn't understand what in the hell Alice even meant.

"Spill about what?" I asked curiously.

"Rose has been acting weird all night. I know something's up," Alice replied, so sure of herself. Shit, she was perceptive too; she could see Rosalie's struggle with the fact that she was in love with Emmett. "Please tell me." Alice pouted a little and I knew there was no way to resist that. I'm sure Rose wouldn't mind telling her anyways. The three of us had gotten close over the past few weeks. They were the two people I could trust more than anyone else and I loved them to death for just being themselves.

"Uh," Rose began, running her fingers through her long hair. "I'm – I...I love Emmett."

Alice's reaction was priceless. She smiled all wide and goofy; squealing like a little girl and hugging Rose with such force I thought she'd knock the wind out of her. Rosalie laughed as Alice became a hyperactive pixie, giggling and dancing around the washroom before she eventually settled down.

"I'm so happy for you Rose," Alice told her. "That's awesome."

Alice went back to the door of the bathroom and held it open for us.

"Don't you have to go to the washroom?" I asked quizzically, pointing back to the stalls. Alice laughed and rolled her eyes.

"No? I just said that to get you guys alone," she replied with an innocent smile. I shook my head at her we went back into the theatre as it grew dark, playing the previews before the movie started. Edward did that horribly cheesy 'yawn and stretch' thing and I laughed as he put his arm around my shoulder, holding me against him as the screen brightened with the movie.

I think I almost peed my pants, in all honesty. The Hangover had to be the funniest movie I'd seen and not once did I stop laughing. I cried a few times I was laughing so hard and Edward had laughed harder than I'd ever seen when the Asian mafia guy hops out of the trunk naked with a crowbar.

There were so many classic lines and hilarious parts that we quoted the movie the entire way home, still laughing and shaking our heads at the most absurd parts. Edward and I were the only ones in the car because Rose and Emmett took the Mustang while Alice and Jasper took his car home. By the time we got to my house it was nearly ten and I didn't want to go home yet. I wanted to go to his house and spend the night, but I was afraid of what Charlie would say.

I'd spent the night there a few times this week and I knew he hated when I did so. Renee didn't mind much because she and I understood each other. She loved me and knew what it was like to deal with him so she was able to see why I liked spending time at Edward's. Charlie on the other hand grew furious every time I left the house with my overnight bag, his protective side coming through and ripping me to pieces before I bolted out the door and practically sped to Edward's house.

"Can you spend the night?" Edward asked as he parked behind my truck, jolting me from my thoughts as it was like he had been reading my mind.

"Uh – maybe," I said, looking over to him and giving him a tight smile. "Charlie's kind of pissy lately, more than usual." Edward nodded and leant over to kiss me on the cheek.

"Then I'll drop you off and if you can just come over. Hopefully if I'm not here he'll be more inclined to let you," he told me with a grin. "Call me and let me know?"

I nodded and turned my face further to kiss him on his soft, pouty lips. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I pulled away and grabbed my bag, heading out the door and up the steps to my house. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before stepping inside, slinging my bag down on the ground and kicking off my shoes. The TV was on in the living room and I saw Charlie sitting on his chair, still in uniform, watching a football game.

"Hey dad," I said to him and he turned slightly to acknowledge me.

"Hey Bella," he replied.

"How was work?" I asked. He got up from his chair and turned off the TV, coming to stand in front of me.

"I'm just about to head out actually," he told me, "I work the night shift tonight."

"Oh," I said, furrowing my brows. "Well have fun." He nodded minutely and looked me up and down quizzically.

"Where were you tonight?"

"I went to the movies with my friends," I admitted, sheepishly glancing around as I tried to find a way to bring up the fact that I was spending the night at Edward's. "Uh, but I'm going to go upstairs quick and then go."

I turned as fast as I could to make my getaway but Charlie wasn't that stupid.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his demanding fatherly tone assaulting my ears. I cursed internally and spoke without turning to him.

"I'm spending the night at...Edward's," I said quietly. I practically felt the anger rolling off him as he walked to me and spun me around to face him. His eyes were hard as he stared at me and I was instantly reminded of Edward and all the times he'd looked at me like that.

"Bella how many times do we have to have this talk?" He growled.

"Dad I'm not a kid anymore, I can do what I want. Mom doesn't have a problem with it!" I yelled back. He tensed his jaw and shook his head in disbelief. I was feeling my anger rising and my temper flaring, and with a sudden fury I decided that I wanted to do this – now. I wanted to know why he hated my boyfriend with a fiery passion.

"Why the hell do you hate him so much anyways?" I asked, mashing my brows together, raising my voice. "You've hated him ever since I met him and you practically spit on the fact that I love him!"

Charlie scratched the back of his neck and mumbled something to himself that was inaudible to me.

"Seriously dad! Why the fuck do you hate him so much?" I was getting angrier each second and I felt the traitorous tears forming as he shook his head and turned around. "Tell me!"

"I just do Bella!" He shouted back. "He's no good for you!" A lone tear slipped down my cheek and I carded my fingers into my hair, tugging hard.

"That's a shitty excuse!"

"Watch your mouth," Charlie warned. I laughed despite myself and knew that Charlie would have a seizure if he knew all the things that came out of my mouth when he wasn't around.

"Then tell me why you hate him so much? Why is he so bad for me dad?" I asked, staring at the back of his head.

"Because Bella," he replied, turning around to stare down at me. "Because his father's in prison."

* * *

**A/N:** Eek! Let me know what you think of it, as always! I will respond, unless you leave an anon review, because I can't reply to those sadly.

The song quoted at the beginning is Try Honesty by Billy Talent. I love them, they're one of my favourite groups and more than a few songs have given me inspiration. The quote at the beginning is one of 2 versions, and if you look for the lyrics you may find them slightly altered. I liked those ones better.

The Hangover is the funniest movie I've seen in my life – no doubt about it. I thought it was hilarious and I literally cried I laughed so hard.

Anyways, come join us over on the Facebook group, FanFicAholics Anon - it's a group for fanfic lovers of all kinds. And sorry about the long AN, leave me some love if you'd like! I've heard it's the law?


	13. All Falls Apart

**A/N: **Okay, I left you with a cliffy last chapter. It happens, lol. I had to end it there.

Alright, as of now I will have a regular posting schedule. Since I don't have school on weekends and most of my writing will take place DURING the week, I will post on Saturdays. If this ever changes or I can't post on one day I'll let you know of an alternative. But this is my plan for now.

I want to thank all the readers and reviewers, I keep getting wonderful comments with each chapter and I wanted to thank you for keeping up with this story. I love it just as much as you guys do : )

I also want to send my love to Claire because she always listens to my rants when I have major RL issues and other things to complain about. You're awesome, thanks for putting up with me ; )

Uh, yeah, that's all. Enjoy!

* * *

"_**So here we fall and here we break**_

_**And all that we had is now just a mistake**_

_**I guess it got, boring and old**_

_**So what have you done, you've left me alone"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I pressed both hands to my mouth to stifle the pained cry that was trying to escape; I muffled it to some degree, hearing a barely audible gasp coming from my hands as tears streamed across them and down my arms. I stared back at a blurred form of Charlie, unable to shake the words he'd just spoken to me.

_His father's in prison. _

He was in prison – Edward's father.

For what I had no idea, but just the fact that he was made me that much more concerned for the past Edward had. With that feeling I became nauseas, putting a shaky hand to my stomach while the other covered my mouth still.

"He's not right for you Bella," Charlie reinstated, "his father was arrested four years ago for attempted murder. That's not something I want you to get involved with."

I shook my head fiercely and a sob rippled my chest. I refused to believe this was all true but Charlie was a cop – his sources were usually accurate.

"How – do you...know?" I asked between a sob and a hiccup.

"I did a background check," he admitted, looking to the floor briefly before his gazed returned to mine. I wiped both my hands over my eyes and my vision was only semi-blurred now. I was able to see the seriousness on Charlie's face as he looked back at me and a hint of sadness in his eyes.

I shook my head again, not in disbelief, but in _wishing _it weren't true. I wanted to hope with everything I had in me that his father wasn't actually in prison, that he wasn't some crook who'd attempted murder on someone, but no matter how hard I tried I knew it wouldn't change anything. Charlie wouldn't pull a stunt like this and make me believe something horrible if it wasn't really true. We fought a lot but he wasn't that cruel.

"Bella honey," Charlie said in a sympathetic tone, stepping closer to me. "I'm not lying to you. I'm only telling you this for your own good. He's not someone I want around for my daughter. Who's to say he won't turn out the same way?"

I literally choked on the bile rising in my throat and bolted for the bathroom. I barely had time to lift the cover on the toilet seat before I vomited, shaking and nearly convulsing from the information that had been revealed to me. Edward would _never _turn out like his father. It was an absurd thing to even say.

Charlie had no right to form an opinion of Edward based on something he knew nothing about. Sure he knew his father was in prison for something horrible, but he didn't even know who Edward was. He never wanted to because he'd known all this time what a despicable person his father had turned out to be. He had created this image in his mind of Edward being some shady, dangerous guy, hell bent on taking me with him to the dark side.

But Edward was nothing like that; he was actually the complete opposite. He listened to rock and liked to eat grape flavoured popsicles. He was sweet and kind and caring when he wanted to be, and when he wasn't those things he was quiet and reserved. He kept to himself and I'm sure if he had the choice he'd stay inside on any given night rather than going out and stirring shit up.

Charlie didn't care about any of this though. He didn't want to get to know Edward because he already had information that wasn't working in his favour.

"Are you okay?" Charlie asked from the doorway.

"What's going on?" Renee said at the same time, pushing past Charlie to get to me. I spat into the toilet and flushed it, getting up and rinsing my mouth out with water from the sink. Renee took my face in her hands and assessed the damage – my eyes were red and puffy while my bottom lip quivered in unease.

"I told her about Edward's father," Charlie said. I glanced to him and tried my best to scowl but it probably looked too tortured to come off my face properly. I could barely stand I felt so weak.

"What else did you say to her?" Renee asked with that familiar motherly tone to her voice, staring down at me with a tiny smile. She rubbed her thumbs beneath my eyes, trying to clear away the tears and I was thankful that she was my mother. Although she could drive me up the wall sometimes, she really knew how to get through to me. We related to each other better than Charlie and I related to one another.

"Nothing," Charlie replied tersely. Renee rolled her eyes and looked back to me.

"What made you cry sweetie?" She asked softly.

"He thinks – Edward..." I shook my head, shooting Charlie a glare before I continued. "He said he doesn't like Edward because – he might, turn out the...same."

Renee gawked at me, glancing fervently between myself and Charlie before she let me go and turned around, slapping him hard across the cheek. I listened as the sound reverberated off the bathroom walls with a clap, deafening silence following after. I covered my mouth with my hand again at my mother's courage and watched as she pointed her finger at him.

"You have no idea what that boy has been through Charlie!" Renee shouted. "Don't you dare tell Bella something so – so horrible. I can't believe you'd even say something like that. You don't even know him for Christ's sake." She shook her head as she watched him put his palm to his cheek, trying to rub out the pain she'd obviously left there.

Charlie stared at her in bewilderment before he fleetingly looked to me. I offered him nothing but a cold, lifeless gaze and he stepped back quietly, his hand still on his face.

"I have to go," he nearly whispered, turning around and leaving. Moments later I heard the front door slamming shut, breathing out hard as I rested my back against the wall, trying to come to terms with what I'd learnt.

What was I supposed to do now, go to Edward and tell him I found out what happened to his father and watch while he freaked out over it?

I had no idea what I was going to do in this situation because I'd never thought about finding out what happened in his past from anyone but him. I hadn't considered that anyone but Esme and Carlisle knew what happened because Edward had said that they were the only ones that _knew. _My father was the last person on the planet I expected to spill about anything related to Edward, but in a way it makes sense. He's a cop, and if he was worried about me and did a background check on Edward, he would have known.

It just angered me to no end that he would do such a thing in the first place. Sure it's one thing to simply not like a person for who they are, but to place hate in someone based on something they didn't even do was absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't believe how ignorant my father was.

"Bella don't believe him," Renee said to me, abruptly stirring me from my reverie. I brushed my palm across my hot cheek and wiped even more tears away, nodding at her as I did so.

"He's wrong," I replied, "about Edward. I just...I can't believe this." I shook my head and my breathing stuttered as I inhaled. I needed to do something about this, about the pain swelling inside of me. I knew that there was only one thing I could do though.

I needed to talk to Edward.

He had been pretty good today and he seemed intent on me staying the night. I felt my insides twisting and realized with a sudden ferocity that tonight could be _the night. _The night I found out everything about Edward and what happened to him in the past.

"Honey I like Edward. I know he makes you happy, and that's good enough for me," she told me with a smile. I weakly smiled in return and leaned in to hug her, thanking her for being there for me when I needed her.

"I think I'm going to stay the night at his house," I said to her, glancing up to see her reaction. She nodded and smiled again, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, like it was maternal instinct.

"Okay sweetheart, I'll see you tomorrow."

She leant down and pecked me on the cheek before I left and went up to my room, my thoughts all over the map as I collected my things for the night. I threw in an extra pair of clothes for the next day of school and grabbed my toothbrush as I was heading out. I yelled a goodbye to Renee and was off, into the truck and driving through Forks with nearly blurred vision and a swimming head. I pulled off to the side of the road just before I got to Edward's street and rested my forehead against the steering wheel.

I didn't know what I was going to do. I had no game plan, no way to bring it up that wasn't at all awkward or polite. I simply had nothing else to do but go in there and say 'I know that your father's in prison' because really, what else was I supposed to do?

I had no clue and I almost started crying again because I was so confused.

I mustered up everything I had in me and turned onto his street, parking my truck in his driveway before no time at all to see Rosalie's Mustang in the driveway as well. I got out with my bag and pulled my sleeve down over my hand, wiping it clear across my face in hopes of concealing the fact that I had been crying. I was sure I'd still have red eyes but there was no way to avoid that, and with one last silent pep talk, I knocked on the door.

"Oh hi Bella," Esme said with a bright smile, moving over so I could enter. She smiled at me but it faltered when the light hit my face, surely showing her my blotchy cheeks and red eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asked with concern, putting both hands affectionately on my shoulders. I shook my head because discussing something like this with Esme before I talked to Edward about it would _not _be a good idea.

"Nothing. I just – had a fight with my dad," I said assuredly with a small smile and a wave of my hand. She pouted her bottom lip at me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders to pull me in for a hug.

"I hope everything's okay," she whispered. "Would you like anything? I've made some hot chocolate for Emmett and Rosalie, would you like one as well?"

I smiled wider at Esme's attempt to make me feel better and nodded.

"I would love some thanks," I said with a chuckle. She patted my cheek and winked.

"I'll call you when it's ready," she told me, leaving me in the front hall and retreating to the kitchen. I took off my shoes and kept my coat on, my bag still slung around my shoulder as I headed up to Edward's room. I knocked lightly on his door and entered before he had a chance to answer, finding him on his bed reading a book.

"Hey," he said with a smile, looking up to me and doing the same thing Esme had done. The smile left his face just as fast as it had come, concern washing over him as he tossed the book on the bed and nearly bounded to my side. He took my bag and set it on the floor, cupping both cheeks in his hands while he stared down at me. He mashed his brows together and his eyes searched mine, desperate for them to reveal the answer to the question he wanted to know.

Being with him after knowing where his father was made me even more emotional than I had been and I looked away from him, fixating my gaze on his bookcase, feeling the hot tears rolling down my cheeks once again.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward asked, turning my face so I saw his frantic eyes. His tone was dripping with uncertainty and his thumb stroked the edge of my jaw line as he waited for a response.

_Well, here goes nothing._

"I...I know," I breathed, reaching up and taking his wrist in my hand. "About your father; where he is."

"What?" He croaked almost inaudibly, pulling away from me like I knew he would. "What are you talking about?"

I swallowed noticeably and rubbed the back of my hand along my cheeks to find even more tears staining my jacket this time.

"I know that he's in prison," I clarified, watching in horror as Edward's face paled and he stumbled back, hitting his dresser as his breathing elevated. He watched me for a few minutes, unmoving and silent, his brows furrowing and his forehead creasing with the motion.

"How do you know that?" He asked, his voice more controlled and levelled than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd known him. I swallowed uneasily again and stayed still, my position at his door holding firm. I looked down and wrapped my arms around myself because of how insecure I felt at the moment. I couldn't tell what he was feeling or what he was thinking and it was driving me to insanity.

"Charlie," I whispered and I knew he heard me. "He told me he was arrested four years ago. For – attempted murder."

I took my eyes off the floor and Edward's face was nothing like I'd ever seen before. He was so angry and pained and emotional that I thought his face would crack and break. The pieces would scatter like that of a broken mirror; he would lay shattered on the floor as his life reflected back at him.

"Edward –" I began but he cut me off by shaking his head.

"Stop," he said sending me a glare so fierce I felt my cheeks growing even hotter. "Please stop talking."

A sob erupted from my chest and I hugged myself even harder, wishing for him to be something other than distant and angry right now. But I shouldn't have expected anything less. I knew he wanted to be the one to tell me about his past, and my father abruptly bringing it up had to be devastating. He'd just only told me their names, let alone what happened to his parents, and now that I knew what happened to his father I feared for what happened to his mother. He was an attempted murderer, and for all I knew she was either dead or had run away.

My curiosity was getting the better of me and the longer we stood there in silence, the thicker the tension grew. I needed to know what happened because it was eating at me each second I didn't.

"Can you please say something?" I asked quietly, watching as his face was still angry lines and his eyes were hard and full of hate.

"Bella I really can't do this now," he almost growled, whipping his head around so he faced me.

"Edward, don't you think I deserve to know?" I asked incredulously.

"Fuck!" He yelled, taking a few steps closer to me and scaring me nearly half to death. I backed up into the wall and cowered, watching as he stopped two feet in front of me. "Yes you should know but what the fuck do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Edward," I whimpered, "something."

He clenched his hands into fists at his sides and angled his body away from me, his face turned towards his bed as he controlled his breathing.

"I just can't Bella. Do you understand how fucking hard this is, now that you know where that son of a bitch is?"

"No Edward, I don't understand. Please, help me understand. I know it's not good but we can do this," I pleaded, new tears forming and falling down my face. He bowed his head and began shaking it repeatedly, struggling with himself to let me in. "Please, Edward."

"No," he finally croaked and my heart broke. I felt as the fissures ground deep into my chest and cut me in half, sawing me in two and leaving me more broken than I'd ever been. He wasn't going to talk to me now and he wasn't going to tell me the truth. He was done and he couldn't take it anymore.

For me this was the last straw.

"So that's just it – then?" I said through the tears, not even looking at him. I heard as he swallowed and he shifted his feet minimally, sighing angrily.

"I can't do this now Bella," he replied.

"You can _never _do this!" I yelled, my voice shaky and unsure. "You've had so many opportunities to tell me and you always shy away!"

He lunged forward and I thought he was going to grab me, pull me to him, but he didn't. Instead he thrusted his palm hard against the wall right beside my head, debris falling over my shoulder and hitting the floor as he'd shoved his hand through the dry wall.

"Get. Out," he growled, his dark, green eyes staring into mine. His gaze was like that of a deadly animal, one that was poised and ready to kill.

"But –"

"Get the fuck out."

I was sobbing uncontrollably as I bent down, picking up my bag and slipping underneath Edward's arm as he stood in the same position unmoving, glaring heatedly at the wall where I had just been standing. I ran from his room, holding onto the banister as I descended the stairs because I couldn't see a thing as I fled. I made it to the front door physically unscathed, listening as my cries echoed throughout the hall and trying desperately to get my shoes on.

"Coop? Bella? Are you okay?" I heard Emmett's panic-stricken voice and saw him running down the hall towards me. I couldn't deal with him now and I threw the door open and fled from Emmett as well, hurrying down the steps and clambering into the truck. My bag rode shotgun as I hastily stuck the keys in the ignition, shaky hands making it hard for me to get the truck started.

When I finally coaxed it to life I backed out of the driveway, glancing to the house where I saw Emmett standing at the front door, watching me as I left. I barely made it home before my phone started ringing, the screen glowing brightly and displaying Rosalie's name as I screened the call.

When I pulled into the driveway of my house I slammed my head back against the seat, my eyes staring up at the roof of the truck, trying to dull the pain aching inside of me. Before when we'd broken up it was bad, sure, but this was so much worse than any other time because he _knew _I wouldn't put up with him anymore. I gave him a choice and just now he'd chosen to hide in the dark, effectively abandoning me and leaving me broken.

He hadn't chosen me.

Those words kept repeating in my head and I nearly choked on my breath I was crying so hard. Eventually, when my crying had slowed down as much as it would, and I had over ten missed calls, I slid from the truck bed, taking my bag with me and lethargically climbing the steps to my house. I quietly opened the door, careful not to disturb Renee if she was sleeping, but was instead met with something I didn't expect at all.

Renee was awake, and she wasn't alone.

I shut the door as silently as possible, my breathing as steady as I could get it as I hid in the darkness of the living room. She was with a man who had a rather deep voice, a familiar voice, that wasn't my father's.

"...then why are you still with him?" The deep voice asked from the kitchen. I heard my mother's sobbing and sat down on the arm of the couch, holding my face in my hands as I tried to keep my own tears inside.

"For Bella," she answered breathlessly. "But it's getting so hard. I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much to keep doing all this. The guilt...everything is nagging at me and I don't think I can do this anymore."

"Please, Renee, don't say that," the man replied, his voice sounding desperate. "I love being with you. I love my family too but I'm in the same boat as you. I don't love my wife, I love you."

I heard Renee as she gasped. "Phil – please, don't say that."

Phil?

Why the hell did that sound familiar?

"But I do. I love you, and I want us to be together," he replied. "I love you."

Fucking hell.

Renee wasn't just having an affair; she was falling in love with some other man. I felt the edges of my life, of everything I knew, crumbling around me. Everything that I had known was falling to pieces as I sat in the living room, crying into my hands and wishing that I hadn't come home tonight. I wish I had just gone straight to Edward's, not caring whether or not Charlie got angry at me, but I couldn't go back in time now.

My world had been turned upside down and there was no way for me to fix it, no way to go back and make everything the same again.

"I love you too," Renee finally said and my heart wrenched. I really didn't know what to feel because I wanted my mother to be happy, and I knew that she wasn't happy with Charlie. She just admitted she was only married to him still because of me and that made me feel like shit. It was because of me that she was unhappy, stuck in a loveless marriage that had forced her to have an affair.

I felt like vomiting again.

It was my fault.

Before I had a chance to think about anything else I heard footsteps and stood up, trying to keep myself hidden while struggling to get a glimpse of who this 'Phil' was. I watched as they made their way to the stairs in a lip lock and I had to look away, unable to stomach my mother kissing a man that wasn't my father. But when I looked back I finally saw Phil as Renee took his hand and ascended the stairs with him in tow.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't move. My eyes were fixed on the stairs long after they left and I refused to process what I'd just seen.

My mother was having an affair with Phil Newton; as in Mike Newton's father.

Not only that, they were _in love _with each other.

I just stood there, tear-stained cheeks and quivering knees, not knowing what the fuck to do. I couldn't stay here while they were upstairs having sex and I couldn't go to Edward's. I didn't have anywhere to go and my head was pounding with the headache that had just come out of nowhere, full force. It had to have been from crying so much because the only time I ever got headaches was when I cried.

My thoughts wouldn't settle on one specific thing and before I knew it I grabbed my bag and was out the door. I tossed it back into the truck and started driving, to where I had no idea. I got on the highway and just drove, and after a while, I began following the signs.

Seattle: 598, 541.

**e.p.o.v**

I fell to my knees, cradling my bloody fist in my other hand as Bella left.

What the fuck had I _done_?

I stared down at the blood as it pumped from my hand and wrist, dripping with sounds of wetness onto the carpet, staining it red as my breathing became heavy.

She knew. He was in prison because he tried to kill me and she _knew. _I couldn't even think straight when she said that, let alone start a conversation about my oh so lovely childhood. I just stood there, trying to process the fact that Charlie had told Bella my father was in prison for attempted murder. He was in there for a lot more than that, but by the sounds of it, she didn't know what else.

She wanted me to talk about it, to tell her, help her understand, but there was no way I could do that. The flood gates had opened briefly on my past and a whole bundle of shit came out; not in the way I planned. I wanted to be the one to tell her everything, and fuck if I wasn't mad as hell at her father for telling her something like that. It wasn't his business to snoop around, sticking his nose where it doesn't fucking belong.

Who the hell did he think he was for digging up shit on me and using it against me?

I became so angry I couldn't see anything.

I got angry at her, swore at her, yelled at her, told her to leave. She probably hated me right now for being such a dick but I couldn't stand there any longer and look at her without feeling the need to hit something. I didn't want to hurt her and I didn't want to fight with her, but I couldn't open up because the way in which the conversation started isn't the way I wanted it to happen.

I wasn't prepared for it.

I wanted to do it on my own terms because I would be ready when _I _wanted to be. It was selfish, sure, but I would know when I could handle talking about everything, and tonight was not that night. The force of Bella's words hit me like a thousand bricks and I almost fell because of the shock. It was like she'd punched me in the stomach, winding me and leaving me breathless before her.

Then she had persisted, and I had to control myself before I lost it. I wouldn't lose my cool around her again and hurt her like I had before.

I. Was. Not. My. Father.

"Edward!" I heard Emmett's voice yelling. I shook my head, and as my gaze lifted from the carpet I found him coming up the stairs, rounding the corner hard and lunging into my room. He took me by the shirt, bunching it up around my neck as he lifted me from the ground.

"What the fuck did you do?" He asked, his eyes furious. I looked back to him with a hard stare and pushed against his chest to get him away.

"Nothing," I muttered, pulling my hand up from my side and looking down at the damage I'd inflicted on myself. The dull throbbing was welcome because it numbed the pain I felt in my chest, the one that was aching, like a hundred knives had just been stabbed through my heart.

"You're a liar," Emmett growled, "Bella was crying. She just left and she looked like shit. You better hope she makes it home in one piece, I swear."

My breathing caught as Emmett threatened me.

"You have to get your shit together man. If you fuck around with her anymore," he said, shaking his head, "I won't just stand here and watch as you do it."

Without another word Emmett turned around, slamming my door shut and leaving me to my silence. The pain in my hand was spreading up my arm, tingling with the warmth as it ventured upwards, lingering near my elbow.

I finally got enough sense to go into the bathroom to clean it off, running the tap and sticking my hand underneath the spray, watching with lifeless eyes as the blood mixed with the water. It swirled around the sink, diluting pink before it ran down the drain and out of my sight. Eventually all colour was lost and water simply flowed over my throbbing hand as I gazed down at it.

Out of nowhere a warm hand took mine and I didn't even stir. I stood as still as a marble statue, staring aimlessly into the sink as Carlisle dried off my hand and got to work on it with a first aid kit. He didn't say anything and I didn't offer to speak; while he worked quietly I was swallowed by a deafening silence myself, worse than the one I was enduring with Carlisle.

"I think it's about time you faced your demons," Carlisle said, putting a bandage over the base of my thumb as he spoke. "If you don't, you're going to lose her."

I turned my face from Carlisle as he worked, a familiar sting assaulting the back of my eyes as his words sunk in.

"Just tell her the truth, Edward. She will listen."

Because I knew this was true I felt the tears falling down my cheeks, goose bumps rippling my skin for my idiotic behaviour. If I had been a somewhat rational person I would have realized that just then was the perfect opportunity to talk. I had been too blinded by rage, anger, and hatred that I couldn't see anything but red. I couldn't see anything but those glazed, green eyes as they stared into mine while he landed a blow to my shoulder or my arm or my stomach.

I couldn't see anything but him and I wanted to erase the image of him from my mind; eradicate all he'd done to me in the past so I could live a _normal _life.

"I messed up," I whispered, looking to Carlisle through the mirror. He finished with my hand and looked up from the kit, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"We all do at some point," he replied. "Sleep on it and talk to her tomorrow. She'll understand."

I nodded to him and he gave me a tight smile in return, packing up the kit and leaving me in the bathroom without another word. I bent down and turned on the tap, using my uninjured hand to splash cold water on my face. Once the raging battle inside had calmed down, and I could finally see straight, I felt better.

Bella had found out about my father and she hadn't run; she had come to me. She had come wanting to know what happened, why he was there, and I should have told her. I should have been understanding of what had happened with Charlie and told her everything.

Fuck, I felt so stupid for being such a moron.

Right now she was probably angry as hell at me, or worse, upset. She had been crying when she left, and like Emmett, I prayed to god she made it home in one piece.

I wanted to go to her so badly. I just wanted to pick up my keys and drive to her house, but I knew it would only make things worse. I decided to listen to Carlisle, and instead I sat back down on my bed, picking up my book and reading from where I left off. After three pages I found that I'd been reading the same lines over and over, not concentrating on the book because I kept replaying the conversation with Bella in my mind.

I couldn't believe how horrible I made her feel. I had never seen her like that in my life, and to tell her to 'get the fuck out' probably had to be the icing on the cake for her. As I lay on my bed I flung my book against the wall in anger, feeling another wave of tears taking me over. The fingers of my good hand weaved into my hair and I tugged hard on it as I rolled over, the pillows muffling my furious cries and catching my tears as they fell.

I was the shittiest boyfriend in the world. No, not just boyfriend, person. I was the shittiest person in the world and I treated the most perfect woman I'd ever met like dirt. She deserved so much more from me, and I wanted to be everything she wanted. I needed to give her these things. If she wanted it all, well, that's what she was going to get.

I picked up my phone determinedly, dialling Bella's number and praying that she would pick up. I prayed, but knew she wouldn't, and anticipated voicemail.

"Hey, this is Bella, leave me a message," her sweet, melodic voice told me and I would have given anything right at that moment to hear that voice say more to me.

"Bella," I said into the phone, "it's me. I'm...so – sorry. I'm so stupid, I'm an idiot. I hate myself right now for what I've done, and you shouldn't ever speak to me again. But I wish you would. If you will I'll make it up – I swear. I'm ready to tell you everything," I said and paused because I felt my voice breaking. My throat was raw and cried out for water.

"Please, Bella. Forgive me, please..."

With that I hung up the phone, tossing it aside and reeling with the guilt and self-hatred that consumed me. I lay in my bed crying and cursing for what seemed like hours, unable to shake the horrible, wrenching feeling in my gut that told me everything wasn't going to be okay. By the time midnight rolled around I grew tired, my eyes sore from tears and my lips aching with how chapped they were. I pulled myself off the bed and changed in my own good time, feeling like I was walking for the first time in years as I turned off the light.

I curled back into my bed, nuzzling my face into the pillows because I could still _smell _her. I could smell all that was Bella because it was etched into the fabric, and I started crying again, hoping to hell I hadn't fucked this up beyond repair.

I chose _her. _I didn't want to be hidden by shields and armour anymore. I was tired of cowering from the truth and I wanted her to see me for who I was; Edward Masen.

______

The next morning when I woke up my muscles were stiff, screaming in protest from the position I'd been sleeping in. My pillow was held tight against my chest, my hands fisting into the fabric as my face was pressed hard against it. I was lying on my injured hand, feeling the wounds throbbing against the gauze Carlisle had bandaged it with as my eyes opened.

The room was dark and quiet, my laboured breathing and the incessant rain the only sounds I could hear. I rolled over and groaned, wishing last night was all a dream; a horrible dream that I had woken up from and was now over.

But I knew it wasn't; my hand was proof of that.

I had said all those things to her and I had told her to leave. She'd left in tears and it was my fault she was crying. It was my fault she was upset and probably hated me, and so she should. I was a jackass and I treated her worse than I'd ever treated her because she'd done nothing wrong.

My heart skipped a beat and I searched my bed for my phone, hopeful to have a message or a missed call from her; anything that would tell me she was still talking to me or actually wanted to talk to me again.

I fumbled with it when I found it, flipping it open to find that I had no messages or calls. My stomach sank and I threw the phone down on the bed, rolling over on my back and staring up at the ceiling.

Should I try to call her again, or should I just wait to talk to her at school?

Would she even go to school after what happened last night?

I wasn't sure, but I knew she'd most likely screen my call if I tried again, so I decided against it. If she showed up to school I would try to talk to her there, and if she wouldn't speak to me I would try with everything I had to make her see it was her I wanted. I would make her see that I wanted her to know the truth about me and everything that happened.

After lying in bed for another ten minutes, contemplating what I was going to say to her, I got up. I showered and went through my morning routine, taking longer than usual because my mind was somewhere else completely. I showered for nearly an hour, not realizing how long I'd been in there until the water ran cold and made my skin tingle with the temperature.

When I got out I took my time brushing my teeth and changing, putting on my favourite brown coat for comfort before I went downstairs. I assumed Carlisle had already left and I heard Esme and Emmett in the kitchen before I got there. He was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal and Esme was peeling an orange at the counter.

"Hello Edward," Esme greeted, her tone betraying the friendliness she was trying to display.

"Morning," I replied. I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and a spoon from the drawer, taking a seat across from Emmett and pouring myself some cereal. I ate in silence for a few minutes, glancing to Emmett to find that he wasn't looking back at me.

"Have you talked to Bella?" I finally asked and Emmett looked up from his bowl, shaking his head slowly.

"Rose tried like ten times and she never answered. I tried a few too and she wouldn't pick up," he replied. "I assume you haven't talked to her?"

"No," I said, "I haven't. I tried to call her but she never answered."

Emmett didn't respond, and seconds later he left me alone at the table, rinsing his bowl in the sink before he put it in the dishwasher.

"So should one of us go over there or something? Talk to her?" Emmett asked, his tone tense and strained. I turned around and watched as he stood next to the counter, staring at me with that look. It was the one that said 'you fucked up and you better hope you can fix it.'

"Let her be for now and talk to her when she's ready," Esme said, interrupting my train of thought. "Just go to school."

Emmett nodded and walked from the kitchen, leaving me and Esme there, the silence filling the massive expanse of the room. She finished peeling the orange and washed her hands, drying them off with a dishtowel and coming over to the table with the bowl she had. She set it down and came over to me, ruffling my hair and running her fingers through it.

"Honey you should listen to Carlisle," she whispered. "Just talk to her. You can fix this."

"Esme you should have seen the way she looked at me," I breathed. "I was so...mean."

"What exactly happened?"

"Charlie...he told Bella about – my father," I said, feeling her fingers stilling their motions in my hair. "She knew. She found out and she came to talk about it and I told her to leave."

"Oh, Edward," Esme said, resting her head on top of mine. "You have to talk to her about it. Whether or not you're ready she needs to know. Carlisle's right. If you don't, you'll lose her. Especially after what you did last night."

"I know. I'm just – scared, of what she'll think."

Esme moved so quickly I could barely process her actions. She had my face in her hands and I was looking up to her as she stared down at me, her eyes raking over my face swiftly before she spoke.

"Nothing was your fault Edward. No matter how many times he told you it was your fault, you know it wasn't, right?" She asked, her thumb drawing a pattern on the side of my face. I hadn't shaved in a few days and the hair was more than noticeable.

"But he –"

"No, Edward. No 'buts.' What happened is not your fault. You are perfectly innocent," she said, tears welling in her eyes. "And it was a terrible thing you had to go through. I'm so happy we got there in time."

Moisture gathered in the corners of her eyes and fell over, slipping down her cheeks in long, flourished strokes. She leant down and kissed the corner of my mouth, smiling sweetly at me afterwards, and I was stunned.

If it hadn't been for Carlisle and Esme I would surely be dead, and I secretly thanked them every day of my life that they had gotten to Chicago in time to save me.

"Thank you," I replied, standing up and hugging her to me. I hated seeing her crying because she was like a mother to me; the only mother I'd ever known. "Thank you for everything."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she said back. "Now get to school."

She smiled and her reassurance made me feel lighter as I left the house. Emmett had already gone and I took the Volvo, heading to school and thinking through what I was going to say when I saw her today.

When I pulled into the parking lot I didn't see Bella's truck, and I waited in vain until the bell rang, only to see that she hadn't shown up. With a sigh I unhitched myself from the Volvo and went to first period, not paying attention to the lesson as I drew circles in my notebook.

After that I had Biology, and it slapped me in the face because I usually sat next to Bella in that class. To know that it was because of me her seat wasn't filled made me that much more depressed. I struggled through that class and when it was over I sped from the room.

I went to the cafeteria at lunch, wondering if she'd come for the second half of school, but I didn't get my hopes up. It was a good thing too, because she didn't show. I sat down at the table we usually occupied, watching as Emmett and Rosalie joined me, followed by Alice a few minutes later.

"Where's Bella?" Alice asked, unknowing of what happened the night before. I glanced up from the table and over to Emmett who was giving me one of the dirtiest looks I'd ever seen him give me.

"Ask Edward," Emmett said pointedly. Rosalie tapped his arm, shaking her head before giving me an apologetic look. I gave her a tight half-smile and shifted my eyes to Alice. Her brows were furrowed in curiosity as she sat down, tucking her short hair behind her ears.

"She's not here," I said, not wanting to offer anything about last night.

"Uh, no shit," she said with a quizzical look. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," I replied, "at home."

"Why is she at home?"

Fuck, what was with the third degree?

"Because – last night," I began, shaking my head. "We had a fight."

"Is she okay?" Alice asked, the strength of her relationship with Bella shining through her words. "Has anyone tried to call her?" She pulled out her phone and immediately began dialling, putting it to her ear hastily.

"Yes we tried calling her," I said, my jaw clenched tight. Did she honestly think I was _that _stupid?

Well, I guess considering what I'd done in the past I didn't blame her.

"We all tried last night," Emmett added. "She won't answer."

"Hey Bella, its Alice, call me back," she said into the phone, hanging up after. "Have you gone to her house?"

"We thought it would be better to leave her alone for a while and then talk to her when she wanted to talk. I was hoping she'd be here today, but she's not," I admitted. "I'm going there after school."

"Maybe someone other than you should go," Alice said, glaring at me. "Someone who won't make her cry."

"Listen, Alice," I hissed, leaning across the table as I lowered my voice. "I'm fucking terrible, okay? I'm a jackass and a fuck up, I admit it. I screwed up, alright? But I can make this work. Just let _me_ be the one to talk to her."

She looked at me for a second in contemplation, and to my elation she relented.

"Fine. I'm giving you one chance to make this right Cullen," she said, holding up her tiny, index finger. "One."

"Thank you," I replied with a tight nod.

The rest of the lunch was eerily quiet and I didn't eat anything. I still had that painful wrenching in my gut that made me feel like I'd just killed someone and I didn't have an appetite. So I sat there and listened to Rose and Emmett quietly talking about her life in France and I listened, zoning in and out, only catching certain parts of the conversation. Alice sat quiet as well, either doing the same as me or listening completely, but which it was, I wasn't sure. It didn't matter anyways because I only had one thing on my mind.

After lunch I went to calc, actually participating in class because we had to work in groups to do an in-class assignment. When I'd written just the bare minimum of what I was supposed to do I curled back in on myself, listening to my other group members laughing and discussing things that I didn't give a shit about.

Last period sucked and dragged like a motherfucker but I endured it, and once it was done I couldn't get to my car fast enough. I ran out of the school, my bag thumping against my lower back with each step I took, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get to her and apologize, make everything right again. Not only make everything right but give her the one thing she'd asked of me.

I could tell her about my past, and what's more, I _wanted _to. It was time for me to stop hiding in the shadows and get this over with before it ate me alive.

I sped out of Forks High parking lot and got stuck behind a bus on the way to her house, cursing like a sailor as I beat my hands against the steering wheel. I temporarily forgot about my hand and bit hard on my lip when I smacked it off the dash, trying to keep the profanities to a minimum.

I ended up getting to Bella's in a little less than ten minutes, finding that her truck wasn't in the driveway. My heart jumped up in my throat and I wondered where she'd gone.

I decided not to dwell on it and got out, running up the steps to her front door and knocking with force for over a minute until Renee answered.

"Is Bella, here?" I asked, panting. It was a pretty fucking stupid question considering her truck wasn't in the driveway, but I chanced asking her anyways.

"No...?" Renee replied, confusion marring her face. "She said she was spending the night at your house yesterday..." She trailed off, looking to me as paranoia set in, the colour draining from her face. "She _did _spend the night there, didn't she?"

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I started panicking.

She wasn't here. She wasn't at my house. She hadn't come home last night.

_She wasn't answering her phone!_

"No," I said, hot tears springing from my eyes, "she didn't. We got in a fight and she left."

Renee smacked her hands over her mouth and began muttering things to herself, tears staining her cheeks as well.

"Where is she? Have – you tried, calling her?" She asked, scurrying back into the house and fumbling with the phone. She picked it up and dialled, listening intently only to get her voicemail. "Bella! Bella, honey, it's mom. Where are you? Please call me."

With that she hung up the phone, her tortured face seeking mine through the tears as we both stood in the hallway, the silence unbearable.

Bella was gone.

**

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**

**A/N:** Uh OH! Hmm *laughs wickedly*

Sorry, kind of another cliffy, kind of not. Please don't hate – review! Send me your rage or love (please don't be too harsh!)

The song quoted at the beginning is VERY influential to the story, and one that I listen to a lot while writing. It's called Change for You by The Midway State. They're an amazing group and I love them.

Anyways, sorry I talk so much! Leave me some love and then go read chapter 13 of **Claire Bloom's **Spellbound.


	14. Strength in Numbers

**A/N: **Wow, hectic week! But, like I promised, here's the chapter : )

First off, I have to say, I have a Beta! I'd been editing this by myself up until now, but the lovely **dolphin62598 **aka Jessica offered to beta my work. Thanks so much for doing a great job with it, Jess. I appreciate all the help!

I also wanted to thank everyone who's been reviewing, last chapter I got a great response, and just so you all know, it means a lot that you care about this story! All of my faithful reviewers, thanks so much. And to those who review anonymously: I appreciate all you have to say, even though I can't reply!

Claire, as always, thanks for being there for me. Ranting, gushing, laughing, being silly, or in general, just chatting. I can always count on you.

Enjoy!

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"_**I'll do whatever it takes, to turn this around**_

_**I know what's at stake; I know that I've let you down**_

_**And if you give me a chance, believe it I can change**_

_**I'll keep us together, whatever it takes"**_

**e.p.o.v**

_Bella was gone. _

She was gone.

More than panic began to set in and I could barely see Renee as she gripped onto the doorframe to support her weight. Her breathing was heavy, much like mine, and she was sobbing uncontrollably, muttering things I couldn't hear. My heart rate was soaring and I feared having some sort of attack if I didn't calm the fuck down and get my shit together.

I needed to find her.

She had run away because of me and now it was up to me to get her back. I would do whatever it took to get her back in Forks, safe. More than anything I wanted her here with me now, in my arms where I knew she was real and soft and warm. I would be able to smell her strawberry shampoo and lilac body wash, embodying the essence of who she was just in those two fragrances. But most of all I'd be able to feel her and everything that she was.

I should have done that from the start, but since my brain was a little slow in that department, and just catching up now, I was praying to find her so I could worship her in all the ways she should be worshipped.

That is, if she'd still want me.

I pulled my phone out, determined to get help in finding her, but knowing my ass was finished once I told Emmett that she ran away. It was because of me, and he would be snarling and angry. In all honesty that loud, angry side of Emmett scared me; his relationship with Bella was strong. They'd known each other years before I ever moved here and she was his baby sister.

You fuck with her, you fuck with him, and if you screw with Emmett, well, you're a sorry son of a bitch.

I opened my contacts list and clicked on the first number that came up; Alice. I knew she'd be able to help me, and although she could be scary, she would be more understanding. I put the phone to my ear, and just as I did so, the house phone rang, startling Renee.

I froze on the spot.

Alice answered but I didn't reply, staring in a daze at Renee as she gazed back at me confusedly. In a split second she recovered from her stupor and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" She asked hopefully. "Oh, Bella! Thank god," she sobbed, "where, are you?"

I immediately dropped Alice's call and strode over to where the phone was, my chest heaving and my heart pumping so much blood through my body I was feeling some sort of exhilarating rush. I ached to talk to her, to just reach out and pluck the phone from her hands and beg Bella to come back.

"Please, come...home," Renee cried. "Bella please!" She began crying harder and I took the phone from her hands as she collapsed on the floor.

"Bella?" I said into the receiver, only to hear a crackled sob before Bella hung up the phone. I bowed my head, tears sliding down my nose and off the end, dripping onto the floor as I hung the phone back on the hook. Renee was leaned up against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking methodically.

"What did...she say?" I asked, wiping my face with the arm of my jacket sleeve.

"She – said. She...she's safe," she stuttered, and although it wasn't much, the fact that she wasn't hurt made me grateful. I wouldn't be able to bear it if something ever happened to her because of me. As if I wasn't a jackass enough already.

"She's okay," I whispered under my breath, relief washing over me as my heart beat a staccato rhythm in my chest. But then something clicked in my head as Renee clutched at her hair. Although she'd talked to Bella she didn't seem any less upset.

She was okay, but she wasn't coming home.

"Is she coming back?" I asked, hopeful for a positive response. Renee lifted her face from her knees, agony swelling inside her to the point where it looked painful. She continued to sob and shook her head, her hands shaking as she tried to establish some sort of comfort for herself.

Another knife dug straight into my core and I felt like screaming at the pain I felt. She _had _to come back, she just had to. I wouldn't let her run away because of me.

If she didn't want me when she came back, I would understand. I would brace myself and let her go, if it was what she wanted, just as long as she was safe. But I hoped and prayed that when she was found she would still want to be with me because I never wanted to be with her more than right now.

I guess it's true what they say: you never know what you have until it's gone.

I took a few steps towards Renee and bent down, reaching out with furrowed brows and taking her uneasy hand in mine. Her watery gaze found my own and I tried my best to smile despite how much I felt like my chest was going to crack in half.

"I'll find her," I vowed, squeezing her hand tighter. "I'll bring her back."

I didn't even have time to react before she launched herself at me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and my jacket caught her tears as they fell, all the while I struggled to keep my balance. After a minute she released me from her grip and smiled ever so slightly, brushing the heel of each palm across her cheeks.

"Go," she breathed. "Go get our girl."

I nodded and stood up, holding out my hand to help her up as well. When she stood she just smiled at me, encouraging me and looking so much like Bella I almost started crying again. My phone had been vibrating in my pocket non-stop since I hung up on Alice, but this time when it rang, I answered it.

"What the hell Edward?" Alice yelled. "You call me, then hang up, and don't answer when I call again?"

"Sorry," I said hurriedly, taking off down the stairs and slipping into the Volvo. "I was just at Bella's..." I trailed off, wondering how she'd take the news.

"And...?" Alice prompted.

"She's gone," I replied, my voice thick with concern.

"She's gone?" Alice asked incredulously. "Gone where?"

"I don't know," I whispered, tears spilling down my face again despite how hard I was trying to keep them in. "Alice I don't know where she is and I need your help."

I heard her crying as well and yet another knife was thrust into my chest, this time from a different angle. I was the cause of all this pain and hurt. She left because of _me, _and due to that fact, Alice was now in tears.

"Okay," she replied, her voice cracking. "Come to my – house."

I agreed to meet her there and hung up the phone, pulling out of Bella's driveway and heading to Alice's. I was there within minutes and Jazz still wasn't home. I was thankful he wasn't there because he would surely kick my ass when he found out Bella took off because of my idiotic behaviour. He'd warned me about that shit too, and he would be furious when he found out.

When I knocked on the door Alice opened it almost instantaneously, like she had been waiting right behind it for me to arrive. Her face was twisted and her cheeks were wet with tears and for some reason seeing her cry made me that much more upset. Alice was one of the happiest people I knew and to see her in shambles, broke and crying, was heartbreaking.

She moved over and allowed me to enter, closing the door and wrapping her arms around herself. I had no way to comfort her. I felt so horrible and conflicted and responsible that I didn't know what to do. After a minute of internal feuding, of psyching myself up, I put a hand on Alice's shoulder, slowly pulling her to me. Her small arms hooked around my waist and my breathing quickened. The affections of which I'd only ever shown Esme and Bella I was now showing Alice and it just made my stupid tears fall more freely then they had been before.

"I'm – so, sorry. I pushed her aw-away," I sputtered out and Alice looked up to me, chewing hungrily on her bottom lip. "It's my fault."

Alice swallowed thickly and pulled out of our intense hug. "I'll still give you that one – chance," she replied, stuttering through her sentence. "Find her, Edward. We'll help, but just find her."

I nodded my head furiously. I'd already promised to find her, and I intended to keep that promise.

"I will."

Alice nodded in return and dragged her shirt sleeve across her face.

"Let's get Em and Rose over then; they can help. Jasper will be home soon," she told me and I cringed. Jasper and Emmett would have my ass for making her leave. Alice pulled out her phone and called Rosalie, inviting her and Em over. She was vague and for that I was glad. I wanted Emmett to be understanding and not punch me in the face as soon as he got here.

"Do you want something to drink?" She asked.

"Uh, sure," I replied, following her into the kitchen. I opted for a bottle of water and Alice pulled two from the fridge, opening one for herself and taking a long swig.

"What are we going to do?" She asked solemnly, her eyes searching mine. I sighed heavily because I didn't have a clue where to start.

"Well I don't think she's in Forks," I began, looking to the floor. "She's not with any of us, but she said she was safe."

"You talked to her?" She yelled, unhitching herself from the counter and forcefully striding over to me.

"No," I said quietly, "Renee did. I went there and Bella's mom flipped out. She called but Bella didn't answer. Then, when I was calling you, she called back. She just told Renee that she was safe, but that she wasn't coming home. I tried to talk to her...I guess when she heard my voice though she hung up."

Alice stuck her bottom lip between her teeth again, this time chewing in contemplation.

"Hmm, I wonder if – you think there's some way we can trace the call? Shit, probably not..." She trailed off, answering her own question, tugging on strands of her hair as she walked around the island. She turned back to me a few times, opening her mouth as if she were going to speak, but she always closed it again, resuming with her thoughtful pacing. A few minutes of utter silence passed and a loud rap came from the front door, my stomach sinking even further as I anticipated Emmett's reaction.

Alice glanced over to me with a look that said 'this has to happen sometime' and we both left the kitchen, heading to the door to let Rosalie and Emmett in the house.

"Hey," Emmett said curiously, his thick brows furrowing as he pointed to me, wondering what in the fuck I was doing here. "What...?"

"Come in," Alice offered, gesturing with her hands for them to enter. Rosalie eyed me on her way past, like she was sizing me up, and it made me ridiculously uncomfortable. I shrugged it off and Alice closed the door while Emmett and Rosalie took off their shoes and hung their coats in the closet. They turned to us when they were all settled, waiting for answers, before they realized what the problem was in the first place.

It was interesting to see Rosalie's reaction because she was first to notice that Bella wasn't here. Her eyes flashed between Alice and me, her lips parting as recognition dawned. She took a few steps forward, careful of where she placed her foot, like she was stepping on precarious stones and waiting anxiously for one to fall away.

"Where...where's Bella?" She asked, her tone unsure. I choked down the lump in my throat and Alice nudged me in the arm with her elbow, which is when Emmett knew something wasn't right.

"Edward," he warned, taking a couple steps closer and placing his hand on Rose's shoulder. "Where is she? Did you talk to her?"

Every muscle in my body tightened and I prepared myself, my hands fisting around my jeans at my sides and gripping tightly as I anticipated an attack.

"She's gone," I said through clenched teeth.

"Gone?" They both asked with the same note of disbelief in their voices.

"Dude, you better mean she's gone to the store or gone to get her hair cut," Emmett continued, his voice raising as he strode towards us. I reflexively cringed away from him, stumbling back and hitting the wall as Alice put her body between mine and Emmett's, her small frame only reaching as high as my chest.

"She left, Emmett," Alice replied. "She's gone, ran away, we don't know. But we all want to find her, so that's what we're going to do."

Emmett's eyes were the most furious shade of brown I'd seen in my life, burning a hole straight through my skull as he fervently glared at me. I wanted to look away, to tear my gaze from his, but I couldn't. I was guilty of forcing Bella away and I deserved whatever punishment was coming to me, whether it be dirty looks or getting the shit kicked out of me.

I would accept it.

"Has – do we have _any _idea, where she might be?" Rosalie asked from behind Emmett and I glanced around him, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger when I saw her crying.

"No," said Alice, shaking her head, "we don't. She called her mom when Edward was over there and she said she was safe, but that she wasn't coming back. Edward made a good point and said she's probably not in Forks if she's not with any of us. She's not really friends with anyone else."

The rage in Emmett's eyes seemed to be fading a bit as he tried to process this. He knew he needed to focus on just finding her and it was allowing for his muscles to relax, his biceps un-flexing as he stared at the ground. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, his breaths long and drawn out as his fingers twitched at his sides.

"So where do we start then?" Emmett asked.

"Well, we may want to get help from Bella's dad," Alice suggested, turning around and looking to me. I thumped my head back against the wall, knowing that she was right but fearing a confrontation with Charlie at this point wouldn't be the brightest thing for me to attempt. "Maybe he can put out a search for her truck. If he can contact Port Angeles PD or something maybe they can check too."

It all sounded fine and dandy...

"But what if nothing happens?" I asked, gesturing animatedly with my hands. "What if they do that and she's not there?"

"Then we keep looking," Emmett growled, "until we find her."

My mouth snapped shut and I held my tongue, staring at Emmett as he steadied himself. I was glad that Alice was still standing in front of me because Emmett looked like he might try to lunge at me anyways.

"How far do you think she would have gone?" Rosalie asked quietly, stepping forward and linking her fingers with Emmett's. He visibly relaxed from her touch, gripping her hand tighter and shrugging his shoulders.

"I hope not too far," Alice replied, her eyes flashing to mine. "You think she would have gone as far as Seattle?"

I really had no idea. She was in bad shape when she left and I had no clue what she had been thinking when she'd gone. For all I knew she could have completely left the state. I didn't know.

"Alice I really wish I knew," I said, shaking my head.

"Okay, well I think we should go to Bella's and talk to her dad," Alice said with conviction. "It's the only solid thing we have to do at this point besides driving somewhere and searching for her."

Just as Alice spoke Jasper opened the door, his brows lifting as he saw us all standing there.

"Hey, what's going on?" He asked with a grin.

Shit.

I stood behind Alice still and she sensed my panic, putting a hand on my arm and giving me a tight nod.

"Well, there's sort of a problem," Alice told him, walking forward and taking Jasper's hands in hers. He looked down to her, his brows hunching as he waited for her to continue. "Bella ran away."

Jasper's lips parted and his eyes went wide. "What?" He asked in astonishment, looking to Emmett for confirmation that it was true. Emmett didn't respond with words or anything committal, he simply stood there staring at me, and Jasper followed.

"What happened?" He asked me pointedly, trying to rid himself of Alice's hands. To my surprise she gripped him tighter and held him in place, something that seemed nearly impossible for a woman her size. "Alice let go!"

"No!" She yelled back, her tone ringing with finality. He looked down to her with shock, watching as she struggled to keep him away from me. "Jasper, stop."

He ceased his attempts to free himself from her grip, nodding a tiny bit before looking back up to me.

"What happened?" He asked again, his voice more controlled now. I sighed and told him the events of last night; how we fought, how she left, what I said. He wasn't happy. His nostrils flared and his blue eyes turned hard and icy, anger flowing out of them and into me.

"I thought we talked about this?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "What about all that shit you said Edward?"

I felt a growl rumbling my chest, dying to break free because of the constant reminders that I'd been the one to push her away when I'd been trying in vain to do the opposite.

"I fucked up, okay?" I hollered, unhitching myself from the wall and flailing my hands around my head. "I. Fucked. Up. I know this is my fault and I did everything wrong, but I just want to find her!"

They had to understand how this made me feel, the guilt and anguish, how I knew if I'd just open my fucking mouth and said actual words she would have stayed.

"Jasper I never meant to make her run away," I continued, my voice nearly a whisper. "I would give _anything _to go back and tell her the things she wanted to hear, but I can't. I can only find her and bring her home. Please...just help me."

"Okay," he replied with a nod, running his fingers over Alice's knuckles, showing me that he really was calm and ready to just find Bella. "What's first then?"

"We have to talk to Bella's dad," Alice said, squeezing Jasper's hands one last time before letting him go. "He'll be able to help."

"Well we don't _all _have to go there," Emmett added, glancing around to each of us. "How about we split up and ask around town if anyone's seen her?"

"Good idea," Rosalie told him with a sniffle. "I'll go with you. We'll call you guys if we hear anything."

I nodded to them, silently thanking them as they put their coats and shoes back on, heading out the door to scour the town for any sign of her. I turned to Alice and Jasper when they'd left, prolonging the inevitable because I wasn't in the mood to talk to Bella's father. I knew I'd probably say some things I'd regret, and falling out further with Charlie wasn't something exactly profitable to me.

"You have to go talk to him, Edward," Alice said, like she was reading my thoughts. I rolled my eyes and lulled my head back on my shoulders, groaning quietly.

"He _hates _me Alice," I said, shaking my head. "This is going to be a disaster."

She bit her lip, furrowing her brows thoughtfully before turning to Jasper.

"Okay, how about you go to her work and see if Mike's seen her. I know she most likely wouldn't have gone there but just check. I'll go with Edward to Bella's," Alice said with a smile, astounding me with her composure. I knew inside she had to be a wreck, as we all were, but she was tough. She put on a brave face and persevered, knowing that sitting here and sulking would do us no good.

"Thank you," I told her, my voice wavering with emotion. She just smiled at me again in response and began flitting around the front hall, leaving briefly to retrieve her purse and keys.

"I'll call you if I find anything," Jasper said, walking over to me and putting his hand on my shoulder. "We'll find her." He tried to be encouraging and I gave him a small smile in return before he left. Alice came back seconds after he was gone and put her shoes and coat on as I did the same. We hurried down the stairs and got into the Volvo, but not without hesitation from Alice on whether or not I was okay to drive.

"I'm fine," I said, sticking the key in the ignition and backing out of the driveway. She bit her lip and kept quiet on the ride over to Bella's, her leg bouncing irritably while she tapped her hand on the top of her thigh.

When I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car the front door to Bella's house flew open, Charlie storming out angrily and a teary-eyed Renee following. Alice and I stumbled hastily out of the car, standing awkwardly as they yelled at each other. As soon as Charlie realized we were there though he quieted, his eyes swirling with pure, focused hatred as he stared at me.

"You," he growled, pointing to me and marching over from the staircase to where I was. "You have some nerve coming here."

"I – _I _have some nerve?" I asked in amazement, staring back at him with a gaping mouth.

"Bella left because of you!" He yelled, sticking his finger against my chest. "How dare you come back here after what you've done?"

I felt like I'd been slapped in the face, my anger and tears and fury bubbling inside to the point where I couldn't even control myself. My brain filter lost its power and I didn't even process the words before they came out of my mouth.

"Because of me?" I shouted back, taking a step closer and watching in satisfaction as Charlie took a step away. "You're the one who told her all that shit about _me. _How dare _you _dig up part of my past and use it to your advantage? What makes you think you have any right?"

"I have a right when it's my daughter's safety on the line!" He hollered back and I saw Renee out of the corner of my eye descending the stairs.

"Her safety?" I asked with furrowed brows, not understanding what he meant by that. "How is she not safe?"

"Charlie, don't!" Renee screamed, lunging forward and gripping onto his jacket sleeve. "Don't you dare."

His eyes flashed to hers for a brief moment before he shrugged her off his arm.

"Let's just say I don't trust that you won't turn out the same," he replied, and the heat and rage swelling inside of me was so intense I physically had to restrain myself from punching Charlie in the face. He didn't trust me with Bella because he thought I would turn out like my father? What the fuck does he know?

Again, the brain filter disabled and I couldn't control myself.

"Are you _kidding_?" I asked, disbelief marring my face. "Do you have any idea what he's even in there for?"

"Yes," he said with a taught jaw. "Attempted murder."

"Yeah," I replied, stepping closer to him again, watching Renee wearily in my peripheral vision. I had no rationale at this point and my mouth refused to stop talking. Words were spewing from me like vomit and I could no longer control what I was doing. "Do you know who he tried to kill?"

Charlie merely shook his head and I copied his motions, only a small, incredibly irritated smile graced my lips. I couldn't believe he'd been so ignorant and arrogant when he didn't even know the whole truth.

"Me," I said, my voice angered and my neck straining. I felt all the tendons and muscles that were underneath as my skin stretched to its limit; my jaw was set so tight I thought I might pop a blood vessel.

"Wh-what?" Charlie asked, disbelieving of the truth I'd just revealed. "That's..."

"Impossible?" I asked, cutting him off. "Unbelievable? Well, it's the truth. Now if you're done accusing me of growing up to be an abusive alcoholic, I'd like to find your daughter and apologize for what _you _started."

Nobody moved or spoke and the entire minute of silence felt like a lifetime. Renee was the first to do anything and she stepped forward, putting an affectionate hand on mine.

"Honey..." She began, her face so blotchy and her eyes so red it looked like she'd been crying for a century. I gave her a forced smile, appreciating the concern.

"Look, I just want to find her. Alice..."

Fuck. Alice.

I'd completely forgotten about her the entire time. She'd been standing there, listening as my brain filter was destroyed and I shed light on the darkest part of my past.

I turned slowly, looking over the roof of the Volvo to Alice as her tiny head stuck out just enough for me to see her face. Both hands covered her mouth and she was shaking, her mascara running with the tears down her cheeks as she stared at me. I didn't know what to do. I simply shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, unable to go back in time and stop myself from rambling all the shit I had.

I focused my attention on Charlie and Renee once more, continuing where I left off.

"Anyways, Alice said you might be able to help. Is there any way you can contact the Port Angeles or Seattle police departments to see if they can keep an eye out for her truck?" I asked, looking to Charlie.

"I – that's where I was just headed," Charlie replied quietly, his brown eyes now tinged with something different. Guilt maybe? Remorse?

Well, good. I hope he felt guilty because he didn't even know what happened. He shouldn't have done something so god damn juvenile.

"I'll put out a missing persons report for her and give them a description of her truck," he added, talking to either all of us or nobody in particular.

"Would it be too much trouble for you to let me know if you hear anything?" I asked, venom seeping into my voice with every word. Charlie looked up from the ground and shook his head, his lips a thin, tight line.

"What are you going to do sweetheart?" Renee asked. I bit on the inside of my lip, wondering where to go from here.

"I don't know," I replied honestly. "Where...is the closest family you guys have in Seattle?"

"Yes," Renee answered immediately. "My sister lives just on the outskirts of Seattle. Do you think Bella would have gone there?"

Why did people keep asking me if I thought I knew where she went? If I knew I wouldn't fucking be here right now.

"Maybe..."

"I'll call her," Renee added, letting my hand go and taking off up the steps of the house. I watched as she left and Charlie followed her actions, stepping away from me and walking down the driveway to where the cruiser was parked at the curb. He got in without a word and was gone.

I sincerely hoped he could locate her, because I was out of ideas.

When Alice and I were alone I didn't look at her. I leaned up against the door of the Volvo and kept my eyes trained on the house, knowing that she would have questions burning on the tip of her tongue. I breathed in and out heavily, unable to accept how real that all was. The last ten minutes of my life had passed in a blur and the reality of what I'd done hit me harder than anything.

I almost started to hyperventilate but felt a calming hand on my forearm, the tiny, pale pink fingernails contrasting to my brown jacket. I glanced sideways to Alice, her face free of mascara or make-up whatsoever as tears still streaked her cheeks.

"I – I can't believe how...Edward," she said, shaking her head. I watched as the loose, black tresses fell around her ears and framed her torn face, her hand tightening around my arm. "I'm so sorry."

"Alice you have nothing to apologize for," I assured her.

"I'm sorry, for what you – went through," she elaborated. "Nobody should have to...ever, go through that."

I felt as my anger dissipated slightly and the corner of my mouth turned up, flashing Alice a small, thankful grin.

"Thanks Alice."

She nodded sadly and let go of my arm, leaning back against the Volvo with me as we waited for Renee to return. The wind picked up and I felt cool relief against my heated face, the rain pelting my skin with a force that was nearly painful. My clothes were drenched by the time Renee came back and Alice had already slipped inside the car, leaving me outside to brace the storm by myself.

I didn't want Renee to come running out into the rain so I went to base of stairs while she stood on the porch, wrapping her arms around herself.

"She wasn't there, and they haven't heard from her," she told me, each hand rubbing up and down her arms.

"Okay," I replied, nodding quickly even though it was disheartening to hear. "I'll keep looking and call you if I hear from her."

Renee smiled at me and returned to the house as I headed back to the Volvo. When I got in I listened as my jeans and jacket squeaked against the leather of the seat with how wet they were.

"Jasper called," Alice said and my head snapped to her. "He didn't find anything, but he says he'll keep looking."

I sighed and rested my head back against the seat, my brain struggling to function properly because of how messed up a situation this was. So much was going through my mind that I didn't know what to even think at this point.

"What should we do now?" Alice asked.

"I have no idea," I groaned, bringing the car to life and letting it warm up. "But I can't just sit here and do nothing. I'll lose my fucking mind."

"So will I," she replied with a humourless chuckle, looking out the windshield as I backed out of the drive. "Where are we going?"

"Not sure," I said honestly. "My house? I haven't talked to Esme or Carlisle, but maybe they can help."

"Oh, right! I completely forgot about them. Good idea," she told me, smiling wide. I smiled back, thankful that I had her to help me through this. While I felt alone and isolated, left to deal with my past by myself, I knew that I wasn't. I had my friends and my family and I couldn't think of any other people I'd want besides them in my life. I had been so stupid to not let them in before, and I'd seriously damaged relationships, but somehow I hadn't broken any bridges along the way.

They would still accept me for who I was, if I would let them.

"Thanks, Alice," I said, my voice so low I couldn't be sure if she'd even heard me. I glanced sideways to her and she had a tiny grin on her face as she replied.

"That's what friends are for."

______

When we got to my house and told Esme and Carlisle what happened, they were devastated. Since Alice had already found out about my father I also informed them that I'd told Charlie and Renee about him and what he'd done. What I told them was vague, and not even the half of it, but it ripped me to pieces and left a gaping hole when I'd brought it up.

"Edward," Esme breathed, a beautifully warm smile playing on her lips. "I'm so proud of you honey. See, you can do this." She walked around the coffee table in the living room and stood in front of me as I sat on the couch with Alice by my side. "You're so much stronger than you think Edward."

"But – it hurts, Esme. So much," I replied, grabbing the front of my shirt and crushing it in a fist. "Do you know how painful it is to realize you were so – unloved?"

"Don't you ever," Esme began, sinking down onto her knees and taking my chin in her hand. "Don't you _ever _think like that. Do you know how many people love you?"

I avoided her piercing eyes and shrugged my shoulders stubbornly, looking to the ground.

"I love you," she stated proudly, "and so does Carlisle."

"So do I," Alice assured. "And I think Jasper's pretty fond of you now too. Emmett, Rose...you're sort of stuck with us."

I smiled, unable to help it as Esme grinned at Alice's comments.

"And we know Bella loves you," Carlisle added. My insides churned and emotion lodged in my throat, my pulse racing as I thought of her and where she was.

"I need to find her," I whispered.

"Edward there's only so much you can do," Esme replied, lifting herself so she could sit on the coffee table. "You don't know where she is and you can't run around like a chicken with your head cut off searching. Just wait on Charlie and figure things out from there."

I hated just sitting here, waiting anxiously when I could be out there looking for her, but I knew Esme was right. I had no leads, nowhere to search that seemed at all practical. I simply had nothing to do but sit here, agitated and on edge with nothing to occupy my time.

"I have to do _something,_" I protested. "Give me something to do. Anything. I don't care what it is."

Esme's smooth brows turned in on themselves and she chuckled quietly.

"Well, there is that lovely hole you punched into your wall," she said with a smirk. "How about you just patch that up for me? I've gotten the stain out from the carpet but haven't got around to fixing the wall yet."

"Okay," I said, standing up. "Uh, how?"

I had no clue how to fix the hole in the wall. Did she honestly think I was handy?

"I'll help you," Carlisle said with a laugh. "Come on."

"Alice, would you like to help me make some muffins?" Esme asked her, walking to the entrance of the living room. "They're banana chocolate chip."

I smiled.

"Sure," Alice replied, "sounds great."

Alice followed Esme from the living room and I went with Carlisle, gathering the things we needed to fix the wall. It was tedious and boring to fix, and I mostly watched as Carlisle did it, but I wasted some time. We talked a little, while he worked, about nothing really pressing, and for once today, I felt somewhat relaxed. I was able to step away from all the stress and hurt, just submerging myself in the ordinary as I listened to Carlisle talk about the hospital.

When we left it to dry we went back downstairs, the heavenly aroma of Esme's muffins wafting throughout the entire house. I inhaled deeply, rounding the corner to the kitchen and watching as Esme set a tray in the oven just as she was taking one out. Alice was perched up on the counter top, her legs swinging down but not reaching the floor as she nibbled on a muffin.

"Esme these are amazing," Alice remarked and I reached my hand around her to snatch a muffin off the plate.

"They're Edward's favourite," she told her with a grin as I practically devoured the muffin. It was gone in a few bites and I grabbed another one as Carlisle picked one up as well.

"All fixed," he said to Esme, going around the counter to kiss her on the cheek. "Just letting it dry."

"Good. So do you – Edward...?"

I scrambled frantically, feeling my phone as it vibrated in my pocket and trying with unsteady hands to pull it out. I didn't even look at the caller ID before I put it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey man, it's me," Emmett's voice said. "Rose and I went to the grocery store, the diner, gas station...man we asked everywhere. Nobody's seen her recently."

I slid the fingers of my free hand into my hair, tilting my head to the side as I sighed deeply.

"Alright. Alice talked to Jazz a while ago and he came up empty too. I talked to Bella's dad..."

"How'd that go?" He asked when I trailed off.

"It was interesting," I replied, scratching the back of my neck. "He said he'd contact the police departments in Port Angeles and Seattle and get back to me if he heard anything. What are you going to do now?"

"Probably go home I guess. Is that where you are?"

I told him I was home and he said he was on his way. I explained to everyone that they'd found nothing progressive and they sighed collectively like I had. We were just waiting on a phone call from Charlie now.

When Emmett and Rosalie got home Esme started getting dinner ready. I tried my best to keep my mind at ease, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. Nothing was calming me enough to stop thinking about Bella and each time her name entered my thoughts a wave of sadness crashed over me.

Jasper arrived a few minutes after Emmett and Rosalie, and as suggested by Alice, we all watched a movie. She said it would be good for me, something to concentrate on other than Bella's whereabouts, but again, it didn't help. I ended up zoning in and out, catching boring bits of the movie and getting lost in my own little world at times.

It's not just something I could push back into my thoughts, locking it down somewhere deep in my head where it wouldn't bug me. It wasn't one of those things that could linger in your conscience and _not _eat at you every single second of the day. It was my everything. _She _was my everything, and she had left. There was nothing and no one in this world that could take my mind off her, no matter how hard they tried.

"Kids, dinner's just about ready," Carlisle said to us all, poking his head in the living room and disappearing again just as quickly. Like a mindless drone I followed the rest of them into the kitchen, sitting down at the table and piling food on my plate while they all did the same. Dinner was a quiet event and for the most part I listened as Esme talked to the girls about school. I didn't have the motivation to participate in any of the conversations, and when dinner was finished I got up, rinsing my plate before putting it in the dishwasher.

I was just about to head back to living room, to resume watching the movie, when my phone vibrated again. My breath came faster and my heart beat furiously against my rib cage as I struggled to pull it from my pocket again.

"Edward?" Charlie said.

"Yes, Chief Swan," I replied, my voice affected by my nervous anticipation. "Did you find anything?"

"Port Angeles just got back to me and reported that they hadn't seen anyone matching Bella's description, or any red Chevy with her license plate. I haven't heard back from Seattle yet, but I did find something," he said, his words coming faster as he continued to speak. "Now, if Bella's not anywhere around here, or with family, where would she stay?"

I frowned.

"A hotel?" I asked quizzically, finding it to be too simple an answer. Was it a trick question?

"A hotel," he repeated, his tone suggesting that he was smiling. I didn't understand why he was so god damn happy. How did that get us _anywhere_?

"I don't really understand where you're going with this," I told him with irritation.

"Edward, she needs money to spend the night in a hotel. She doesn't have a credit card, so she needed to take money _out._"

Something in my stomach fluttered. He could trace her to where she pulled money from a machine.

"You can find out where she is?" I asked, my voice a rushed whisper.

"Yes. She pulled money out of the machine from a bank in Seattle late last night. I don't know what hotel she's staying at, but if their PD can get back to me with a lead we'll know then."

My breath came out in a gasp and although I'd wanted to kick Charlie this afternoon, right now I wanted to kiss him. He found where she was. It didn't matter that he didn't know what hotel because I was more than willing to scour Seattle until I found her.

"Thanks Charlie," I told him, sincere in my words. "I'll let you know when I find her."

"Wait...you're going to Seattle?"

"Yes..." I replied, unsure of why this was a shock to him. "I'm not going to let her stay out there alone because of something that's not her fault. I won't be able to – live, if she's not here. I'm bringing her back."

Silence consumed me from Charlie's end and he bid me a crackled 'thank you' before hanging up the phone. I frowned down at it and stuffed it in my pocket, turning around and watching as everyone at the table was staring at me, eyes wide and hopeful.

"She's in Seattle," I said, relief spreading throughout each of their faces. Alice's smile was so wide I couldn't help but smile back. "Okay, well, I'm going to go."

"What?" Esme asked, her brows arching.

"I'm going to Seattle," I replied.

"Edward...I do –"

"Esme, please," I said to her, pleading with my anguished gaze. "Please, let me do this. I won't sleep...I can barely stand it to be here right now without her."

Esme put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes, nodding intensely, muttering 'okay' over and over. I jogged over to her and kissed the top of her head in thanks and hurried to the front door, putting on my coat and shoes to see Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett doing the same.

"We're coming with you," Alice said confidently.

"Alice, do you think that's such a good idea?"

"We all want to find her," Rosalie added, ignoring my comment. "Seattle is big, from what I hear."

I couldn't help but laugh at Rose. She was funny even when she wasn't trying to be.

"Dude, we're going with, so shut it," Emmett barked, his hand clapping down on my shoulder too tightly to be friendly. "Rose and I will take the Jeep."

"I'll take my car..." Jasper said, looking to me.

"I'll take mine. If we split up we'll cover more ground. Three cars are better than two," I told him.

"Alice...?" Jasper asked. She looked up to me questioningly and I shook my head, motioning to Jazz.

"Just go with Jasper," I said with assurance. She started gnawing her lip for the thirtieth time today and I pushed against her shoulder. "Alice, just go. I'll be fine, I promise." She rolled her eyes and we were gone, getting into our respective vehicles and beginning the trek to Seattle. Jasper was in front of me when we were driving through town but, as soon as we got on the highway I sped past him, blaring the music in an attempt to drown out my thoughts.

The entire way to Seattle I drove at least twenty over the speed limit, repeatedly looking back through my rear view mirror to see Jasper still behind me, our caravan holding strong.

**

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**A/N:** So...? Thoughts? You know my motto. Give me what you got!

The song quoted at the beginning is all thanks to **booklover1357. **She informed me of a _great _song by Lifehouse called Whatever It Takes. The lyrics are amazing. Definitely fitting to FMP; I just had to use it. Thanks for the great rec : )

Also, one last thing. Next week Forgive Me, Please is being pimped as a fic of the week for a group called The Sandbox, and Sunday they are featuring me on their author chat. Anyone is welcome to come and join the chat. It sounds like it's going to be great. It will take place Sunday the 27th at 2 PM EST. I'll put the link to the site Chatzy on my profile, because that's where this will take place. Come join and chat if you'd like!


	15. Lost and Found

**A/N: **Ah, here it is: the next chapter!

Huge thanks to my beta, Jessica, for doing a great job with the chapter and catching all of my pesky mistakes. Also, my thanks to Claire, who also helped me out with this one. You ladies rock ; )

Much love to my reviewers, regulars, anon, you're all great. And **no name **you really creeped me out with your review. You'll see why, haha.

Enjoy!

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"_**When the storm hits your front door**_

_**With a roar you can't ignore**_

_**You run, run away, **_

_**But there's no place to hide, mate"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I lay on the hotel bed, my legs curled up to my chest and my head snuggled against the uncomfortable pillow as I stared blankly at the television screen. Re-runs of Family Guy were playing but I wasn't paying attention; my focus and will to move had been lost long ago, left behind at the door of this room. My eyes were stinging with tears and from being open for so long, but my lids refused to close.

I hadn't slept last night, an incessant play by play of what happened before I'd left racing through my mind, prohibiting anything in the way of solace or comfort. I wanted to be somewhere familiar and welcoming, a place that I often retreated to in times of distress. I wanted to be home, but I just couldn't go back right now and face Renee, knowing what she was doing, and I most certainly couldn't bear to see Edward. Hearing his voice on the phone did things to me that I didn't have the strength to tolerate.

The one person in this world that could comfort me and bring me peace, the one person that I wanted to run into the arms of, was the person from whom I was running away.

I had been battling with my mind and heart since I'd left. The former was telling me to run away and take some time for myself, to sort out this huge mess of crap which I'd found myself in the middle of, but my heart was screaming in protest, breaking a little more with each mile that I drove further and further away from Forks. I wanted to be with Edward so much it hurt, but I didn't want to see him.

I was confused and angry and upset. I wanted to be alone but I wanted that comfort, those arms, around me. I was a contradiction in and of myself, and I was at a loss for what to do.

An abrupt knock sounded from the other side of my door, startling me from my drowning thoughts. I rocked my head back and forth on the pillow, silently telling whoever it was to go the fuck away because I wasn't in the mood for any sort of human interaction. Agitated, I got up, listening as another round of knocking ensued before I swung the door open, the bright, white lights of the hallway frustrating my eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry Miss, housekeeping. Would you like me to come back?" The woman dressed in a blue, neatly pressed maid's uniform smiled down at me, her delicate olive skin peeking out through her thick veil of jet black hair.

"No, it's okay. Just, give me one sec and I'll be out of your way," I said hastily, feeling horrible at getting so irritated. The woman was just trying to do her job, and despite how chaotic my life was right now, I didn't want to be a bitch.

I turned around, walking back into the room and stumbling because of how disoriented I felt. I'd barely left the bed at all yesterday, getting up only to use the washroom and to submerge myself for an hour in a tub filled with warm water and a soothing, aromatic bubble bath. Since my legs were more than relaxed, I almost tripped retrieving my purse and my hand collided with the sharp, hard edge of the end table as I steadied myself.

"Shit..." I mumbled, caressing the base of my palm with my other hand. The heat spread from where I hit my hand but I shook it off, letting the pain throb as I slid my sweater on and grabbed my purse. I tucked my hair behind my neck, hiding within the security of my hood as I went back to the door.

"Are you alright, Miss?" The housekeeper asked. I glanced up meekly and gave her a tiny nod as I edged past her.

"I'm fine thanks," I told her quietly. I made my way down the hall, fingering the worn hem of my favourite sweater as I pulled each side to my chest. It was one of the most comfortable pieces of clothing I owned and the zipper was broken, but I refused to throw it away. I bit my lip hard and blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay as I remembered exactly _how _the zipper broke in the first place.

I pushed thoughts of him out of my mind, quickening my pace to the elevator as my chest was again weighed down with my overwhelming emotions. I pressed the button eight or nine times, before standing back and leaning against the wall, as I watched the yellow light illuminating the number of each floor as it slowly descended to mine. A soft 'ding' alerted me to the opening doors and I stepped inside, avoiding the eyes of the middle-aged man in the right corner of the elevator.

The ride down was awkward and I kept my gaze fixed on the dull, brass doors in front of me the entire time, picking at the fabric of my sweater habitually. When they opened on the first floor I made my way through the lobby, fascinated by the red carpet beneath my feet as I walked. I didn't look up from the floor, lost in my own little world as I pushed hard against the heavy door to the hotel and stepped out into the cold. The sky was a deep, looming grey, the clouds swiftly passing by overhead as I felt a light mist casting itself over the city.

How perfectly the weather suited my mood.

I pulled my hood further over my head, sinking down in the comfort of my sweater as I pulled my purse tighter against my side and stalked off down the sidewalk. I didn't know exactly where I was going, and truth be told, I had no idea where I was in the first place. When I'd left Forks and arrived in Seattle, it was late at night, and with my frame of mind, I think I was lucky to have made it here without falling asleep. I found the first hotel that wasn't ridiculously expensive, and although it was in the heart of the city, I couldn't find it in myself to care.

All I wanted to do was escape. Unfortunately for me though, I _couldn't _escape what happened, no matter how far I ran or where I was. My mind was overheating with my memories, searing them into my consciousness so I wouldn't be able to shake them. My thoughts consumed me, ate away at me; suffocated me.

Despite how much I wanted to just forget everything that happened, the memories of that night just wouldn't let me. They kept replaying over and over again in my head as a constant reminder that Edward was finished. Every time I put that exact moment in time on repeat, I could hear the miniscule cracks in my chest deepening, cutting me further and putting me to my limit. My heart permanently ached and my throat was raw from sobbing and crying, and each time his face flashed before my eyes a new, painful wave of tears would overtake me. I was surprised I hadn't put myself to sleep by now with how much I'd cried over the last day and a half, but I'd successfully been awake since I left.

My eyes were sore and likely swollen, coloured a deep red with the countless hours I'd spent shedding pointless tears in the unfamiliar, hard hotel bed. My lips were chapped and tender with how often I found myself picking up Alice's bad habit of gnawing on the skin, and my body was physically exhausted, suffering because of my inability to sleep.

I just wanted some sort of relief. I wanted to feel something other than anguish and hurt. I wanted to feel anything but pain for what had happened. But nothing in Seattle was offering me salvation, and the further I walked to nowhere, the more alone I felt.

The rain was pounding aggressively against the concrete now, small puddles forming along the sidewalk as my shoes and socks slowly began to feel the effects of the storm. I kept walking; my pace unchanging as I found it hard to care about wet shoes when so much else was going on in my life. If sopping feet were the epitome of my problems, I would have gladly accepted that over the alternative through which I was struggling.

But of course it wasn't.

I trudged through the rain as people ran past me, newspapers and umbrellas draping over their heads and faces as they braced the biting chill of the pelting drops. I looked up from my shoes, squinting against the wind as I tried to find a place where I could spend some time without getting soaked through to my underwear.

I saw the neon sign over top of a large, glass window, the words 'Starbucks Coffee' never seeming so comforting in all my life. I internally sighed and entered the warm, snug cafe, the enticing smell of rich caffeine and delicious pastries filling my nostrils. I shook off the rain, using my hands to wipe the water from my sleeves and failing horribly because of how drenched I'd managed to get. I peeled the hood from my head, finding that my hair and possibly my face were the only things on myself I'd been able to keep dry during my trek here.

I rolled up my sleeves a tiny bit, my skin cold and marred with goose bumps as the warm air hit my arms. I rifled through my purse as I made my way to the line, pulling out my wallet while deciding what I wanted. I opted for an extra hot Chai tea, figuring that a cookie or muffin would probably be a good idea considering all I'd eaten since I'd been here was a bag of chips. My appetite had been sort of non-existent, and besides, food was the last thing on my mind.

Before I got to the cash register, the guy there looked me over, his eyes lingering on my chest and briefly focusing on my legs before he met my hard stare, smiling like an absolute fool.

Being hit on right now wasn't something I felt like enduring.

"Hey, there," he said, leaning casually against the counter. "What can I get for ya?"

"Can I just get a Venti Chai tea," I told him, tucking an errant tendril of hair behind my ear, "and a muffin."

"Sure," he replied with a subtle smile. "What kind would you like?"

I stepped away from the register, looking to the glass display as I tried to figure out what kind they had.

"Any you recommend?" I asked, unsure of what I even wanted.

"I've only ever tried the blueberry ones," he said.

"Blueberry it is then."

The guy behind the counter got me my muffin, having already handed over the cup for my tea to the woman who was preparing it. I sifted through my wallet for money while the guy cleared his throat.

"Anything else?"

"Uh," I said, furrowing my brows at his suggestive tone. "No. That's all thanks."

"Okay," he replied, hesitating before he smirked. "Can I get your phone number by any chance?"

"Oh, uh..." I glanced down to the counter, shaking my head at the absurdity of this. I looked back up to the guy, focusing on his name tag before I replied. "Look, James...Sorry, no. I have –" I cut myself off, not even knowing whether or not I still _had _a boyfriend. As far as I was concerned Edward and I were done.

"You got a boyfriend?" He asked, finishing my sentence for me.

"Yeah – no, I don't know," I rambled, embarrassing myself with my response. What the fuck did it matter? I didn't want this guy to have my number anyways, so whether or not I had a boyfriend was highly irrelevant. "Listen, sorry. No."

I handed him my money and told him to keep the change, grabbing my muffin and heading to the other station to pick up my tea. I slipped a cup cover over the bottom so the scalding water didn't sear my hand, and thanked the woman before leaving the counter. I added a bit of sugar to it and took a stir stick before retreating to a booth and disappearing behind the large, wooden frame. I swirled the stick around the tea, watching as a small whirlpool formed in my cup and ran clockwise with my motions.

Leaving the tea to cool I pulled my phone from my pocket, knowing that I would have about a thousand messages when I opened it. It frequently vibrated with a text message or phone call, but since I'd talked to my mother I had been screening all calls and ignoring all my messages. The only reason I called my house back was because I didn't want my mother to worry.

Yes, I was running away from my issues, like _he _had done so many times before, but I was planning on going back. I just needed a few days to take for myself so I could figure out how to deal with everything and keep my heart intact. Well, keep it together as much as I could. I knew it was selfish and most likely worrying my mother anyways, but I didn't have the bravado to face everything just yet.

I was strong, but I wasn't Wonder Woman. I had faults and weaknesses, and my major Achilles' heel was Edward. Staying in Forks would have been a path of disaster, one that I didn't care to test. Rather than staying to fight through all my problems I wanted to be the one to leave for once, able to take off and sort through everything the way _I _wanted.

I'd hoped to find some sort of comfort while being away, but as soon as I stepped into the hotel room I knew I wouldn't. Comfort for me was familiarity, and here, nothing offered me that.

With a sigh I flipped open my phone, my missed calls popping up first.

Twenty-nine; I had twenty-nine missed calls. I clicked on them and found that a lot were from Alice and Rosalie. A few were from Emmett and Jasper, and two or three were from Edward. My mother had called me once, and only once. I was glad that I had at least appeased her worry because she knew that I was safe and would be back soon. She understood why I needed to get away, and despite being shocked with her infidelity, I still loved her just as much.

I felt like she was the only one who got me.

Teary-eyed and feeling a little homesick I clicked on my messages next.

I had three voice messages, none of which I'd checked.

I clicked on them, my hand shaking as I contemplated whether or not I should even listen to them. Holding my breath I put the phone to my ear, listening to the most recent message from my mom. It had to have been when she called me and I didn't answer, because she sounded fretful and worried. Her voice was shaky at best and the tears were obvious in her voice. I tugged relentlessly at my bottom lip with my teeth, feeling horrible but knowing that she was okay now because I'd let her know I was safe. My stomach still churned though with the knowledge that I'd made her so worried in the first place.

I deleted her message and moved onto the next one, from Alice. She sounded mildly concerned but not overly worried, just asking me to call her back whenever I got the message. I breathed out through my mouth and deleted that one as well, my finger hovering over the button as I looked at the name of the person who left the last message.

_Edward._

I swallowed hard; staring down at the phone like it would jump up and bite me on the nose if I clicked on that message. My fingers were causing the phone to quiver in my hands and I set it down on the table, running them through my hair in an attempt to calm my nerves and stress. Briefly glancing to my untouched muffin and tea for moral support, I picked up the phone, clicked on the message and listened before I had a chance to back out.

"Bella," Edward said, a painful mixture of regret and uncertainty seeping into his voice. "It's me. I'm...so – sorry. I'm so stupid, I'm an idiot." I held the phone slightly away from my ear and put the fingers of my free hand against my mouth, trying to stifle the sob that wanted to break free. I put the phone back to my ear just in time to hear him saying, "Please, Bella. Forgive me, please..."

Then the message ended, and I snapped my phone shut, tossing it down onto the table and backing up into the corner of the booth, pulling the wet hood over my head and crying into my knees as I hugged them to my chest.

The sopping denim of my jeans was rough and uncomfortable against my cheeks, but all I could think about was his voice; so pained and hurt, begging me to forgive him; the broken record that was Edward Cullen.

No matter how much I wanted to call him back and just listen to him speak, I refused to give in to him again, like I had already done so many times. Two days ago he broke my heart worse than ever, being more angry and distant than I'd ever seen in all the time I'd known him.

If I wasn't important enough to confide in about his past, then I didn't want to be with him. I loved him so much it hurt, he was _everything _to me, but if I wasn't everything to him, then I was just wasting my time. As much as that fact made me cry harder, I knew it was the truth.

"Hey," I heard a familiar voice saying, followed by a gentle nudge of my shoulder. I looked up, blurred vision seeking out the person who'd tapped me. I found James standing there, his blonde brows pulled together as he stared down at me. "You okay?"

I idiotically wiped my wet sleeve against my damp cheeks and found that it did little to clear my face of the tears. I gave up after a few seconds and shrugged at him.

"Fine, thanks." My voice was raspy and I flinched at how bad I sounded. James frowned at me, manoeuvring the chair on the other side of my table so he could sit.

"What's your name?" He asked, tapping his index finger on the table.

"Bella."

"That's a very beautiful name," he replied quietly. "It suits you."

"Thanks," I mumbled, fixating my gaze on my muffin rather than him. He was silent for a few seconds before extending his hand towards mine.

"I know my name tag says it, but, I'm James," he said. I bit my lip before placing my hand in his, finding it to be a contrast to my cold, clammy skin. He smiled and I found it hard to muster anything resembling happiness so I just nodded my head. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about something?"

"Don't you have to work?" I asked, quite rudely, might I add. I wasn't intending to be a bitch but this wasn't something I wanted to openly talk about with a stranger.

"I'm on break," he countered.

"Okay, I'm sorry, but this is really personal," I said, pointing to my chest to somehow appropriate where my issues were coming from. "I don't want to talk about it."

"No worries," he said casually. "Just wanted you to know I'd be willing to listen."

"I appreciate that," I said, duly noting his eagerness to 'chat me up.'

"So, you live in Seattle?" He asked his hazel eyes boring into mine to a point where I felt mildly uncomfortable. There was something about him that was...strange. He was a little creepy, if I'm being honest.

"No," I replied curtly.

"Oh really?" He continued, not sensing my short answer as a cue for him to shut the fuck up. "Where are you from?"

"Forks," I said, avoiding his intense stare as I picked up my tea and focused on blowing the steam off the top before taking a tentative sip.

"Forks? I've never heard of it," he said confusedly. I rolled my eyes.

"It's a small town just outside of Port Angeles."

"Ah, I see. And what brings you to Seattle?"

I ground my teeth together, careful not to bite my tongue as I flashed my eyes at him in anger.

"I told you I don't want to talk about it," I retorted, shaking my head as I took another sip of my tea. The warmth surging through me was welcoming, making me nearly forget about how damp and irritating my clothes were, as they hung heavily off my trembling body.

"Sorry," he said, raising his brows in apology. "Just trying to help."

"I know...but – I'd really rather be alone. So..." I left my sentence unfinished, thumbing the rim of my cup while I stared at what I was doing rather than looking at him. I thought he'd get the hint and just go away, but to my annoyance he reached over and took my wrist in his hand, stilling my movements until I looked up at him.

"Talk to me," he said quietly, his warm finger tracing a line along my vein. In spite of his warmth I shivered, more than creeped out at this strangers attempt to speak to me. A normal person by now would have walked away, leaving me alone to drown in whatever my problems were; but not him. It was kind of scaring me actually.

"James...please," I started only to be interrupted by the most beautiful sound I'd heard in days.

"Dude, let her go," Emmett's voice said from over James' shoulder. My eyes snapped up, an uncontrollable surge of bliss and relief coursing through my chest as Emmett stood at the door, his jacket slightly darkened from the rain still coming down on Seattle.

"Emmett..." I breathed, pulling my hand from James' and almost knocking the table over in my haste to get to him. I didn't care why he was here or how he found me because it didn't matter. I just needed something comforting and Emmett was my own personal teddy bear, the one who could always make me laugh and smile no matter what.

"Coop," he said with a strained smile. He stretched his arms opened and caught me as I basically threw myself at him, lifting me from the floor and tucking his head into my neck as he squeezed the breath from me. "I'm so glad I found you," he whispered and I pulled away to look at him as he still held me in mid-air.

"You came looking for me?" I asked shyly and Emmett's thumb stroked the length of my throat, telling me silently that I sounded like shit. "I haven't stopped crying since I left," I admitted.

"You sound fucking terrible," he replied with another smile, this time one with more enthusiasm. His blunt and forward response made me smile in return and he shook his head before putting me on the ground.

"We all came," he told me, his hand running through the hair he didn't really have. My heart stopped beating for all of about two whole seconds before my breathing stuttered.

"You mean...?"

"Me, Rose, Alice, Jasper...Edward," he finished, watching my reaction to this. I shook my head, trying to walk away from him only to bump into James.

"Is this guy bothering you Bella?" James asked me.

I turned around, surprised at how he towered over me and shook my head again, edging away from him. I looked back to Emmett in desperation and he held out his hand, which I took gratefully.

"So this is your boyfriend?" James then asked. I chanced a brief look up to Emmett and knew I didn't need his approval before I spoke.

"Yes," I replied confidently. James nodded his head and rocked back on his heels, blowing his breath out in defeat as he looked to our clasped hands and away again.

"Alright then, I hope you're okay, really," he said, his tone too nice. I nodded and thanked him before he left and went back to work.

"Fuck, creepy enough dude Coop?" Emmett asked, leading me over to the table. He sat down in the booth and pulled me in close, right next to him. I sighed, thankful that I was out of the woods in the James situation and more than happy that the tight constriction of my chest was slowly dissipating with Emmett's presence.

"He wouldn't leave me alone," I whispered, shaking my head at how awkward and weird James was.

"Can you imagine if Edward had found that guy touching you?" Emmett asked with bemusement. I rolled my eyes, practically scoffing at his comment.

"Why would he care?" I asked, crossing my arms and tilting away from Emmett to look up at him. I took time to catalogue his face, noting the dark, almost purple, circles underneath his eyes and the way his mouth hung down in a semi-permanent frown. I wanted to just lift the corners of his mouth until he showed me the grin I loved so much.

"Why _wouldn't _he?" Emmett asked back in confusion. "You are his girlfriend, or did you forget about his borderline crazy tendencies in the past day and a half?"

My eyes widened and then my brows knit together, trying to understand what in the hell he'd meant.

"I didn't forget," I replied. "But...I mean – I don't understand. When I left he was _fuming _Emmett; angry. Angrier than I've ever seen him. He was so...distant." I choked back the sob climbing my throat and put one hand on either side of my face, staring down at the table. "He told me to leave. Not just to leave, but to 'get the fuck out'," I said in air quotes.

"I know, he told us," Emmett said solemnly. "You haven't been with him these past few days. Bella he's a wreck, he feels horrible. He's blaming everything on himself and I think he might go mental if he doesn't find you. He actually confronted your _dad_."

I felt the blood draining from my cheeks, the tremors sinking in as I conjured up all the things they could've said to each other.

"Oh...no," I cried, shaking my head. "Fuck."

"Chill, Coop. It's fine. They hashed things out apparently and it's all good."

I looked up at him through the tears, wondering how that could _possibly _be true.

"What?"

"Yeah, all's well. Don't worry about it. Edward said they just talked. Alice was there too."

I nodded, wanting details on what exactly happened, but knowing Edward most likely didn't divulge something like that to Emmett.

"When I left, I told myself I wasn't putting up with that shit anymore, Em," I continued, wrapping my arms around my torso to hold myself together. "I can't take anymore. My heart can't." I shook my head. "Every time I try with him I'm always the one who ends up hurt; always."

I started crying again and Emmett gave me a sympathetic 'Coop,' dragging it out as he put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him. I cried into his jacket for a few minutes, finding that the more I took in his familiar smell the more quiet I became. He smelled good; a hint of cologne, a whiff of leather, and a tinge of Emmett's natural scent.

"Bella, it may have been bad, but he really is sorry," Emmett spoke finally, his chest movement causing my head to rise and fall with it. "He feels so guilty, blaming himself. He's been bad in the past, but Coop..._never, _ever have I seen him like this."

Tears fell into the creases of Emmett's jacket, my sobs confined to the leather so the rest of the cafe didn't have to listen to my breakdown.

"Em – when..." I sat up, my breath stuttering as I tried to form a word. "At the beg-inning, when I started...all this, I _promised _myself – if he couldn't do it...I wouldn't put up with it. He _can't _do it, Emmett! He told me himself!"

I curled in on myself, seeking the comfort of my knees while Emmett stopped me, putting his hand underneath my chin and guiding my gaze to his own.

"He fucked up," Emmett said boldly, his fingers on my skin trying to be gentle as his tone had been harsh. "He admits it Bella. He wishes he could go back and fix it all, to just tell you what you wanted to hear. He _wants _to. He doesn't want to let you go. He's here right now looking for you, searching the city until he knows you're with him and you're safe."

A gasping sob escaped my lips and I felt myself trembling again, the weight of Emmett's words striking a spot inside my chest that had my heart beating irregularly. Tears were dripping off the end of my chin and collecting in Emmett's hand as he held my face, but he made no move to pull away.

"Have you checked your text messages?" Emmett asked and I furrowed my brows, wondering what they had to do with all of this. I shook my head 'no' and Emmett turned around, picking the phone up off the table and opening it. He clicked a bunch of buttons and held it in front of my face, showing me a text from Edward that said: _"My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth out that rough touch with a tender kiss." _

At first I didn't think I read it correctly. I snatched the phone from Emmett's hand, running my finger over Edward's name, then the words as they were quoted perfectly in his message. A tear slipped down onto the phone and I wiped it away, staring in awe at the message.

"I think he sent about twenty others that are the same," Emmett said quietly and I looked up to him quickly before scanning through the other messages.

"_Can I go forward when my heart is here?"_

"_But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."_

"_O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night."_

"_It cannot countervail the exchange of joy that one short minute gives me in her sight."_

"_For here lies Juliet, and her beauty makes this vault a feasting presence full of light."_

I read on and on, innumerable Romeo quotes in message after message from Edward as the screen blurred until the point where I could no longer see it. The very last message held three simple words, but even so, they were powerful, making me ache for him to be here right now.

_I love you._

I slowly flipped the phone shut, my eyes seeking out the form of Emmett as I could see his frown turning up into a tiny half-smile.

"Bella he still loves you," Emmett said, cutting through my haze of absolute euphoria. "He wants to make everything right. He fucking took the time to quote God damn Romeo and Juliet shit to you." Emmett grinned wider now and I actually laughed, finding it a stark contrast to all the crying I'd done in the past few days.

I clutched the phone to my chest and merely nodded, not forgiving Edward for what he'd done but understanding that he actually wanted to make things right; that we weren't finished.

I felt lighter, the weight lifting off my shoulders so I could actually _breathe _for once since I'd left.

"So, you ready to go home then Coop?" Emmett asked.

"No," I replied honestly, biting my tongue afterwards. I hadn't told anyone about Renee yet.

"Why not?" His forehead creased and he tilted his head. "You and Edward can sort things out at home, no?"

"Uh, see...he wasn't the only reason I left home. Em, Thursday was bad; worst day of my life. I – when I went home after I left your house I..."

"Bella," Emmett said his brow arching as he gave me a look that said 'you know you can tell me anything.'

"I went home and my mom was with another man," I blurted, watching as Emmett's jaw hit the table. "Ha, that's not even the best part. She was with Phil _Newton._"

"Okay now, so you're telling me your mom is having an affair with Mike Newton's dad?" Emmett asked in astonishment. I tangled my fingers into my hair as I was trying to sort through it, attempting to make myself look half decent as I shrugged.

"Yep. Oh, and they're in love with each other too."

"What the _fuck_?" His face contorted in horror and he rolled his shoulders as if trying to shake off the information I'd told him. "No wonder you left."

"I know. I heard them in the house talking, and then they went upstairs. I was...shocked. I had nowhere to go. I didn't know what to do Emmett. I just – left."

"You know what Coop, I don't blame you. I think I would have taken off too. But if you ever do that to me again, I will have to hurt you," he told me with a playful grin. I bumped his shoulder with mine and found myself smiling again, my mouth not used to the motion as I hadn't smiled in days. "Alright, let's get out of this joint, eh?"

Breathing in deep, I nodded, picking up my tea and taking a large gulp because it was now cooled down enough that I could drink it without it searing my throat. I took the muffin as well and Emmett and I left; the rain had ceased since we'd been in Starbucks and I was thankful that I wouldn't get even wetter than I already was.

"Hey babe," Emmett said and I looked at him, noticing he was talking into the phone. "Yeah I found her...yes. Okay. Rose wants to talk to you," he told me, handing me his phone.

"Hello?"

"Bella!" Rose's voice screeched from the other line. After that she rambled in French for about a minute and a half and I couldn't help the huge smile that came across my face. I missed that crazy bitch so much I almost cried.

"Rose," I said, breaking her out of her French rant. "I have no clue what the fuck you're saying."

"You are such a bitch," Rose scowled through the phone. "I will kick your behind when I see you!" With that she hung up and I giggled, giving the phone back to Emmett.

"What'd she say?"

"A bunch of shit in French that I didn't understand and that she'll kick my ass when she sees me," I laughed. Emmett grinned widely and I noticed the glow he seemed to radiate at just the mention of Rosalie.

"So, how are things going with you two?" I asked curiously as we walked. Emmett stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled at the pavement before glancing over to me.

"Good," he replied, "really good. She's amazing Bella. She's funny, smart...sexy." He grinned and winked when he called her sexy but I knew he cared about more than just her body.

"So, you're in love with her then?" I assumed, raising my brows at him.

"Oh...uh, I – I don't know Bella. I think it's too soon. I mean..." He stuttered hardcore, sounding like a complete tool as he dodged some man jogging down the sidewalk with his dog.

"Emmett Scott you are so full of shit," I grumbled, shaking my head. He looked taken aback by my use of his middle name and I smirked to myself. "You're so blind, you nitwit."

He growled a "whatever" and we walked the rest of the way back to my hotel in silence. When we got there Rosalie was standing outside, her gorgeous, black designer boots clicking away against the concrete.

"Hey, how'd you guys find me anyways?" I asked, remembering that I had no clue how in the hell they figured out I was staying at _this _hotel.

"Well, we all decided to split up and look for you. We checked the lot for your truck and it was there. It took a little bit of persuasion, but Rose here convinced the dude at front desk to tell us what room you were in. He said he saw you leaving earlier so we figured you might be close by," Emmett replied with a wink at Rose as we approached her. He gripped her tightly around the waist and pulled her flush against his torso, looking down to her as she rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless.

"I could kick your cute little behind if I wasn't so happy to see you," Rose told me angrily, her green eyes full of so much warmth that they betrayed her angered voice. She pried herself from Emmett and gathered me into a hug that I gladly reciprocated. I revelled in the closeness of someone else because I'd been so detached these last few days, sulking in my own self pity and not even caring that I had other people back home who were worried about me.

"I'm sorry I left," I told her as we parted. "I couldn't handle everything."

"Even so," she replied, putting her hands on either of my shoulders. "You leave again, and I _will _hurt you."

I smiled. "You know, that's the second threat I've gotten," I told her, glancing to Emmett with a grin.

"Well I'll actually swear to mine because Emmett can't hit a woman," Rosalie replied with a smirk and I laughed at her, shaking my head. "Please promise me you won't leave again."

"Rose I was coming back," I said, rolling my eyes and pushing past her as we made our way into the hotel.

"What?" They both asked in unison. I turned to them and furrowed my brows as the thick door closed behind them with a quiet 'thud.'

"I was coming back?" I said, more like a question than a statement. "Did you honestly think I was going to run away and never return? Where would I have gone? I just...I needed a few days. Everything was so messed up. I couldn't stay there...I couldn't..."

"Your mom told Edward you were safe, but you weren't coming back...?" Emmett said with a strange look on his face.

"What?" I asked, my eyes widening. "What a ditz." I couldn't help but laugh just a little bit at Renee's selective hearing. "Okay, I told her on the phone that I was safe, but I wasn't coming home for a _few days._ I guess she sort of blanked that part out," I finished while shaking my head.

"Oh," Rosalie replied, chuckling a bit as well. "Well she told Edward you weren't coming back, so he called us all for help to find you."

"Really?" I asked, almost in disbelief at what Edward had done in order to find me. I wouldn't have been surprised at him going to Emmett, but getting the others to help him as well was different. It was new. He had been talking with them a lot more lately but I could still see the reservations he had. I almost cried again at how much change seemed to have taken place since I'd left.

He asked all of _our _friends for help, he'd confronted my father, he'd quoted my favourite Shakespeare to me in text messages, and he was here right now, looking for me.

I cried anyways, turning away from Emmett and Rosalie to take up a spot on one of the snug chairs in the lobby of the hotel.

"Bella," Rose gasped, coming to kneel in front of me and taking her soft, dry sleeve, wiping it under my eyes like a mother would. "Honey, don't cry. Let's get you upstairs and cleaned up, hmm? We'll call Alice and Jasper and Edward and we can all go home." Rosalie's smile was encouraging and I nodded, letting her take my hand to pull me up from the chair.

I followed behind Rosalie and Emmett, her hand still holding tightly onto mine as we went back to my room. I'd stopped crying the stupid tears and my face felt swollen and tired, desperately seeking sleep because of my insomnia.

"How about you go shower and we'll get some room service," Emmett said with a grin, wiggling his brows at Rose. "I'm starving. Bella are you hungry?"

I looked down at the hand that clasped the muffin and tea, frowning at the fact that the tea was cold and the muffin was still untouched.

"Kind of," I mumbled.

"When was the last time you ate?" Rosalie interjected, her intuitive nature kicking in as I cursed internally.

"Yesterday...morning."

"What did you eat?" She inquired slipping her boots off as she sat perched on the bed.

"Um...a bag of chips," I sighed, knowing by the expressions on their faces that they weren't happy.

"Aw, Coop, you fucking have to eat," Emmett growled, picking up the phone and dialling the number for room service. I went over to the nightstand and set down my tea and muffin, lulling my head back on my shoulders from how tense they were. I'd been basically huddled on the bed since I'd been here; not the most comfortable position in the world.

"Okay, I'm going to shower," I said, digging through my bag to find the clothes I'd packed Thursday night. They were dry and warm and I couldn't wait to put them on, to get the itchy fabric I was wearing off my body and step into the piping hot shower. Rosalie waved her hand at me as I closed the bathroom door and I examined myself closely in the mirror, appalled at my reflection.

My eyes were bloodshot, the skin surrounding each socket irritated and red from my hands constantly trying to dry the tears. My cheeks were hot, flushed a deep crimson and blotchy in some spots. My lips, of course, were chapped, the skin tearing a bit in the middle as a small bead of blood gathered on my bottom lip. I licked it with my tongue, smoothing the wound with my finger to somehow make it go away.

It didn't work, so I stopped trying.

I carefully stripped off my clothing, my skin tightening all over my body from how cold it was. I felt numb, almost, goose bumps raising the hairs on my arms as I tried to tame the shivers rolling through me. I couldn't stop shaking, kicking my damp clothes to the side and reaching inside the shower, turning it on as hot as it would go. I stuck my fingers under the spray to test it out, feeling the instant tingle beneath my skin as the warm collided with the cold.

When I got in I cringed away from the water, arching my back at how much it hurt. I hissed at the temperature, turning it down enough that I could tolerate it. After I finally found the warmth that relaxed my tensed muscles I eased into the stream, sweeping my hair over my shoulders to feel only the heat on my chest.

I don't know how long I spent in the shower but I took my time. I used the shampoo and conditioner thoroughly, massaging my scalp and making sure my hair made it out tangle-free. I also spent a good length of time washing myself, somehow trying to erase what happened earlier today from my mind by scrubbing away vigorously. It didn't help, but I did feel a bit better afterwards.

I felt clean and warm. I felt relaxed, calm, and more importantly, I felt relieved.

I'd been a disaster these past few days, sitting here worrying about what I was going to do when I really had no plan. I had no idea what was going to happen between Edward and me when I finally returned home, and I had no clue as to what Renee was planning on doing. I was formulating scenario after scenario, playing them out in my head and crying every time because _none _of them ever worked out. They all ended with me in tears, a broken heart beating against the rib cage of my broken self as I tried to find the strength to move past everything.

There are really no words to describe what I felt when I read Edward's text messages.

Nothing could ever properly explain my feelings because they were too much for me to handle. All I knew was that he loved me, and although I knew this was going to be the hardest part of our relationship, I also knew that I was ready. I'd been ready for this moment for so long I almost couldn't believe it was actually here.

Edward was _finally _going to talk to me.

He trusted me enough to let me in, to show me who he was. He wanted to be here for me and share what he'd gone through, and I would do nothing but listen.

"Yo Coop," Emmett hollered from the other side of the door, his fist beating against the wood as a nice affect. "Food's here and some people who want to see you."

I had just put on the dry sweater I'd grabbed from my bag, and stopped what I was doing staring at the door like _it _had just talked rather than Emmett. Was I really ready for this? I mean, if it was Edward...

I took several deep breaths, fluffing and drying my hair with the towel before I simply pushed the dripping locks from my face and threw the towel on the counter. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear in my nervousness and opened the door, finding that Alice and Jasper were sitting with Rosalie and Emmett on the bed while they all ate the food that had been delivered.

"Bella!" Alice yelled excitedly, her tiny frame bouncing off the bed and knocking against my own. She hit me with so much force I gasped out loud before I laughed at her.

"Hey Ali," I said, hugging her as she vibrated against me.

"I'm so glad we found you!" She whispered loudly to me. "I thought we never would. We've been looking forever."

I instantly felt regret, my throat constricting with how bad I felt that they'd been here for god knows how long searching.

"How long have you guys been in Seattle looking for me?" I asked, pulling away to look down at Alice, her blue eyes gleaming, reflecting her emotions.

"Uh, we left last night when your dad called. We've been looking all through the night," Alice replied, tucking her lip into her mouth. I tensed my jaw and looked back to the rest of them, my vision becoming muddled again as I couldn't help the swell of self-hatred that arose in me. That was why Emmett looked so tired and defeated; why _all _of them looked that way. I was the reason they were all running on empty, looking like they were going to collapse.

"I'm – sorry," I whispered.

"Bella," Jasper said, coming over to me and resting his arm over my shoulder as I bit at my thumb nail, the tears streaking my face once more. "Do you think we would have it any other way? Edward was going to come by himself but we couldn't let him. We _wanted _to come."

"But Jazz –"

"No 'buts,' Coop," Emmett interrupted. "Jazz is right. Whether you like it or not, we're here. Don't you start blaming shit on yourself too? Now come eat some food before you whittle away to nothing."

Jasper dragged his thumb beneath my eyes, catching the tears and wiping them off on my sweater with a smirk that I couldn't help but return. I went over to the bed as they all made room for me. I rested with my back against the headboard, pulling the blanket up around my waist and picked at a sandwich that had been left for me.

I swallowed a bite and took a sip of water before I cleared my throat. "Where's Edward?" I asked, my voice almost a whisper as the rest of them stopped talking and looked at me.

"He said he was on the other side of the city," Alice replied, smiling affectionately at me. "He said he would be here as fast as he could."

I nodded and gave her a tight smile as a thank you, finishing up with my sandwich before sliding further underneath the comforter. Absently staring at the ceiling I let my hand wander, my fingers tracing the outline of my phone in my pocket, making me smile. I took it out, not able to resist the pull the words in his messages had on me because the gesture itself was the most beautiful thing Edward had ever done for me.

I scanned through the messages again, starting at the beginning and watching as Romeo's words spoke volumes of his love for Juliet and how beautiful she was. I smiled stupidly at the phone as I re-read them over and over, finding that the very last message always made something inside me jump up into my throat. After a while my lids began to feel heavy, often fluttering as I relentlessly scanned through the quotes on my phone.

It wasn't until I heard a few loud knocks from the other side of the door that I perked up, nearly jumping from the bed in my anxiousness. My heart was beating so fast I thought I'd have an anxiety attack if I didn't calm myself.

Everything happened in slow motion; each head turned to me, eyes fixed on my own as they assessed me in my glorious state of panic. Alice got up to answer the door but I stopped her, throwing off the blanket and springing from the bed.

"Wait," I said, putting my hand on her arm. She turned and looked at me, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'll get it."

"You sure?" She asked, putting emphasis on her words. I nodded quickly, more sure of this than anything. I was ready to face Edward and all the problems we had to get through together.

I was ready because he was.

**

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**A/N:** Yes...? Good thoughts I hope? Eek, let me know!

Anyways, I want to let everyone know that Sunday I am being interviewed on a site called Chatzy. It's a weekly event that members of a group called The Sandbox partake in. They asked me if I would like to be featured as the author being interviewed this week and I was happy to agree.

If you would like to, anyone is welcome to join and chat me up. Feel free to ask any questions you'd like about my stories or anything really. The link to Chatzy is on my profile. Sign in with your pen name, preferably, so I know who you are : ) The chat will begin at 2 PM EST on Sunday, so if anyone's interested, just drop by and say hello.

I would love to get a chance to talk to you all, so I hope some will stop by!

The song quoted at the beginning is Turn Your Back by Billy Talent. Their new CD just speaks to me. I could use quotes from every damn song, lol. I've used a few BT quotes already, and I'm sure they'll make another appearance soon, lol.

Sorry for the long A/N! Leave me your thoughts, then hit up Ch 15 of Spellbound!


	16. Painful Memories

**A/N: **Alright. Hardest chapter of my life to write, but even so, it's here.

Thanks to Claire Bloom and dolphin62598 for beta-ing this chapter for me. You guys are awesome. Without you this chapter would have tanked, haha. Love you!

Thanks as well to all my readers and reviewers, I love hearing all your thoughts each week. You make me happy : ) Also, my anon reviewers, thanks a lot for showing your love, even though I can't reply.

I'm done. Enjoy!

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"_**I thought I had, everything under control**_

_**Well I couldn't have been more wrong**_

_**I thought I held, my world in my hands**_

_**Until it broke my heart**_

_**Everything I loved had changed"**_

**e.p.o.v**

My fingers twitched against the outside of the cup, drumming an inconsistent beat that I didn't recognize as I walked to the hotel that held my closest friends, family and the love of my life. The coffee sloshed around inside, spurring the anxiety building inside of me as the motions were unsteady, like those of a ship sailing through a storm. I lifted the rim to my lips, downing the rest of my seventh cup since four o'clock this morning, tossing the empty container into the trash as I passed it.

With nothing occupying my hands I stuffed them inside my jacket pockets, my thumbs massaging the soft inner material as I tried to regulate my breathing. The beat of my heart was quick and thunderous, anticipating all the shit that could happen within the next few minutes. What happened now was pivotal, almost like everything that mattered in my life rested on whether or not Bella had it in herself to forgive me for what I'd done.

I'd sent her message after message, quoting to her all the most romantic lines in her favourite play that I could find while driving around Seattle and looking for her at the same time. I hoped she'd read them and understood that I was wrong in what I'd said to her, that she still meant everything to me and the words I'd spewed in my moment of weakness were the reason I hated myself right now.

She had to know that I still loved her, that I never, ever, stopped loving her, no matter how reserved and withdrawn I may have seemed. I wanted her to see that she was the centre of my world, and quoting that romantic, wordy Shakespeare shit seemed like a good way to convey my message. She had always been in love with language, her nose buried in a good book or paying close attention to Shakespeare units in school.

With her, the silence is what killed her, what drove her mental and what had brought us here in the first place. I figured it was high time I owned up to all the mistakes I'd made in the past and put effort into saving our relationship; the one thing I actually _wanted _to fight for.

Approaching the hotel my breath caught in my throat, every cell in my body recognizing this moment in time as either the beginning of the end or the beginning of the rest of my life.

The doors to the hotel opened and a businessman with a Blackberry attached to his ear stepped out, holding it open, just long enough for me to slip in as well. I crossed the lobby like I was being called to my death, taking each step like they somehow mattered in the grand scheme of things, when really I was just a huge fucking mess.

The caffeine felt as if it were coursing through my veins, pumping adrenaline and nerves to every possible area of my body, working me up into such a frenzied state, the woman in the elevator held onto the bar against the wall to distance herself from me. When I got off on Bella's floor I ran my fingers through my hair, swirling the same loose curl around my finger until my skin felt warm from the friction.

I'd been repeating the floor and room numbers in my head over and over, mumbling them under my breath as the length of my strides increased knowing I was getting close to her.

In what felt like a fraction of a second I was staring at the old, wooden door.

The golden numbers 417 had lost their lustre, dulling pathetically as they adorned the entrance to the room, just above the peep hole.

The ragged breath I inhaled nearly choked me because I was so worked up and I coughed, willing myself to get a fucking grip already.

I clenched and unclenched my fists about six times, my legs vibrating uncomfortably beneath me as I impulsively stuck out my hand and rapped my knuckles against the worn wood.

_Breathe, Edward. Breathe._

Unable to listen to my subconscious I just stood there, a massive bundle of nerves as the door swung open, revealing my Bella.

My heart pounded, and as the seconds passed, I could do nothing but stare at her. Her hair was still damp, strands sticking to the side of her neck and her sweater. Her face was pale but her cheeks were tinged with a light, pink hue, perfectly colouring her beautiful skin. But her eyes were swollen, bloodshot, and red, dark circles surrounding them as she gazed up at me. As tears fell down her cheeks I followed the lines, with remorse injecting itself into my bones. Focusing on her cracked lips as the moisture gathered there.

I had no clue what to say, because a simple 'hey' seemed really fucking inadequate.

She didn't say anything either, but as I continued my assessment of her, I saw her phone resting open in her hand. A small smirk broke out across my face. She had read my messages.

"You got my messages," I breathed, my eyes trailing from her phone back up to her face. She seemed stunned that she actually had hold of something and stuck it out, looking at it with a quizzical bite of her lip. Her eyes met mine again and she slowly nodded, the tears rapidly falling now as she gazed back down at her phone in adoration.

"I did," she murmured, flipping it shut and sliding it in her pocket. Her eyes, so large and teary, focused on me again and the tips of my fingers were aching with how badly I wanted to just reach out and touch her. I wanted to comfort her, to make the tears stop, but I had no idea if she even wanted me here. I didn't want to do something to make her hate me more, so instead I just stood there, my brows hunching as I fought with myself to stay still.

I couldn't stop it in the end, because the need to feel her warmth consumed me. My hand left my side of its own accord, stretching out so my thumb could sweep away the tears that were falling down Bella's cheek. Her breathing faltered when I touched her but she didn't back away, so I caressed the side of her face, smoothing my fingers along the edge of her jaw as her eyes closed.

"Is...is this okay?" I whispered. Her lids fluttered before she nodded. The tension and apprehension melted away and I felt myself internally jumping with joy she actually _wanted _me here. I took a step closer and slipped my other hand around her waist, pulling her from the room so we were mere inches apart. Her eyes opened quickly and the expression she wore was hard for me to decipher. I wasn't sure if it was one of delight or anger.

"Tell me to stop," I said, hoping with everything I had in me that she wouldn't say that one word and break my life into pieces. "If you don't want this, Bella, just tell me to stop."

She shook her head and her fingers fanned out across my unshaven jaw, her thumb slowly brushing my chin.

"No," she breathed, shaking her head. "Don't stop." Her fingers trailed up into my hair and she pulled my face against hers, sending my body into an upward spiral of elation. "Don't stop."

So I didn't.

I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and gently tugged her forward to the point where our noses touched. Her warm breath met my face and I inhaled deeply, relishing in the feel of her skin on mine and the way her scent engulfed me.

I opened my eyes and hers were closed, anticipating my next move with no reservations, nothing hindering the decision she'd made. After all we'd been through and everything I'd done to make her doubt me, she trusted me. Despite my behaviour she still wanted me.

I leant in even more and the cold of my lips sought the warmth of hers, softly moulding her to me. A faint whimper slipped from her and I held her closer, the space between us non-existent as her fingers tangled further into my hair.

I had longed for the feel of this moment for too long, I couldn't let her go. I didn't want it to end and I tentatively deepened the kiss, parting my lips to find that she had done the same. She tilted her head as her tongue met my own, stepping up on her toes so her heaving chest rested against mine.

Realizing that this had turned out better than I ever imagined I hoisted her up, crushing her to me and burying her in the confines of my jacket as her legs hooked around my hips. Her lips left mine seconds later and she ducked her head to my shoulder, wrapping her arms around my neck to maintain the closeness we shared.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, fingering the wet ends of her hair as I rested my head on top of hers. "I'm so sorry."

I repeated this over and over, listening as Bella's sniffles echoed the hallway, her position in my arms remained as the minutes passed and she didn't respond.

Eventually she lifted her head and her eyes were filled to the brim with tears again, making my own eyes sting with the same sensation.

"Will you – tell me?" She asked quietly. "Everything?"

I nodded, pressing my lips to hers again simply because she would let me.

"Yes," I replied, placing open-mouthed kisses on her cheeks and lips and forehead. "Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes," I replied again, the sincerity of the word shocking even myself. I was serious though. I would do this now, if it was what she wanted. "Do you want to go inside?"

"They're all in there still," she told me, tilting her head in the direction of the door. "Emmett and them..."

"I'm sure they'll want to go home," I said, carefully unhitching her from me to put her back on the ground. "Let's see."

I knocked again because she hadn't brought a key with her and Alice answered the door, glancing worriedly between me and Bella. I laced her fingers with mine and pulled her into the room to find that they were all staring at us like we had grown three fucking heads.

"Hey," I said for lack of a better conversation starter.

"Hey," Emmett replied awkwardly. "What's up?" His brows were knit together, his eyes flashing to our clasped hands before his expression softened.

"Bella and I need to talk. Do you mind...?"

"Of course not," Rose answered instantly. "We should get home anyways."

"Are you two going to stay here?" Jasper asked. I glanced down to Bella and she looked up to me, nodding her head in response to his question.

"Yeah, I think we'll stay tonight and head back tomorrow. Just...can someone call Bella's parents and let them know that we found her?"

"I'll let them know," Alice said from beside Bella. My eyes met Alice's and I mouthed a 'thank you', never meaning the words so much more in my life than I did right now. I was eternally indebted to Alice for all she helped me with, because without her, I never would have been able to get to Bella in one piece. Alice had been the reason for my confidence, assuring me everything would be okay, when she really had no idea. It was her positive outlook on things that made me able to push through all the insecurities and doubts I had about finding Bella.

Alice smiled in return and the four of them gathered their things before getting ready to depart.

"Do you want one of us to take Bella's truck back?" Rose asked, slipping her coat on and pulling her hair from underneath it so it spread out over her shoulders.

"That would be great," Bella said, her fingers squeezing harder against mine. "I'd rather drive back with Edward."

"Okay give me your keys then. I'll take it back for you and let your parents know you'll be home tomorrow," Alice said, holding out her hand. Bella left my side and went over to her bag, sifting around the clothes and pulling her car keys from it. She dropped them in Alice's palm and they hugged each other, whispering things that I couldn't hear as Emmett came and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't screw this up man," he said quietly. "I'll tell mom and dad you'll be home tomorrow. But please, please, don't mess this up."

I nodded and breathed in deep, turning to Emmett.

"I won't," I replied. "I'm not fucking it up this time."

"Okay," he said with a tiny grin. "That's what I want to hear."

I gave him a tight smile and the four of them said their goodbyes, leaving Bella and I alone in the room. She turned to face me when they'd gone, wringing her hands together in a motion that suggested her nervousness.

"Come here," I told her, holding my hand out for her. She stepped forward and slid her fingers against mine, the corners of her mouth lifting into a small smile. I led her over to the bed and sat down with my back against the headboard as Bella took up a spot right beside me. Her body was angled towards mine and she was sitting as close as possible without actually being on my lap.

"So..." She started, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah," I said with a humourless chuckle. "I...I don't know where to start," I admitted honestly.

"Well, just start from the beginning," she whispered encouragingly. "Can I ask...what happened to your parents?"

I turned to her and tried desperately to fight back the tears, quite unsuccessfully.

"Alright," I breathed, feeling the hot tears streaking my face. "My mom...she's – she died."

Bella's tears welled over again and she bit her lip, clearing her throat before she said, "I was afraid that's what had happened. How...how did she, die?"

"When she gave birth to me...her body – it couldn't take the delivery I guess. She was dead before she could even see me," I replied, my voice thick with tears. "I'm the reason she's dead, Bella. She died so I could live."

"Edward...don't. Please don't ever – say that," Bella cried, her fingers trying to dry my damp cheeks.

"But it's true," I said despondently, remembering _all _the times I'd been told so by my father. All the memories of him telling me it was my fault she was gone came back at me with the force of a freight train, breaking the sob from my chest. "She's gone because I'm here..."

"She wouldn't...want you to think like that Edward. You were her son," she said, tugging my hand onto her lap, stroking my palm with the pad of her thumb. "It happens. It wasn't your fault."

"I feel so guilty though," I replied through the tears. "He always said it was because of me..."

"What?" Bella asked with confusion. "Who?"

"My father," I croaked, gazing up to her. Her lips parted and her brows shot up into her hairline as the tears streaming across her cheeks conflicted the surprise she found in my confession. "I killed his wife. I took her from him. It's _my _fault she's dead. I'm the reason she's not here anymore."

"He...said all those things to you?"

"And much more," I whispered in a shaky breath. "He was so angry Bella; violent. I could do nothing right, no matter what I did or said. To him I was always the person who took his Elizabeth from him."

"But you're his son," she replied quizzically.

"I was never good enough." I brought my free hand up and dragged the fist I'd made across my cheeks. "To him I was the constant reminder that she was gone and he'd never get her back. I look so much like her that he got physically angry at me. He would hit me...because I was her son. I remember waking up so many mornings with...bruises, wondering what the fuck I did wrong. But he'd never give me a reason. I'd do something, anything, and it would set him off."

"He hit you?" She asked breathlessly.

"He did," I said with a tight, dreary nod. "More times than I care to count. He was – so unstable. He was an alcoholic with...anger issues. I think there were drugs somewhere in there, but I was so young I can barely recall what exactly it was I saw. All I remember from my childhood, Bella, is hate. That's the only thing I was ever exposed to. He didn't love me, he hated me. He would have rather I died instead of her, even in the end."

"What...?" The colour drained from her face and she pressed the tips of her fingers against her mouth, shaking her head intensely. "Please...don't tell me he –"

"Yes," I barely said, watching as Bella buried her face in her hands. "He tried to kill me."

I sighed as I started to tell Bella every detail of that awful day I hate to recall...

_I booted up the computer, rubbing the sore spot on my arm where dad had hit me yesterday. He was always so rough and he never told me why. He had restricted the hits to where others wouldn't see though, which made me angry because I couldn't even tell anyone what he was doing. I knew it was wrong, that he wasn't supposed to hit me, but I was too afraid to say anything to anyone._

_He told me if I ever said anything, he would kill me._

_I didn't want to test dad's patience anymore than I already had, so I logged onto the computer and Emmett immediately messaged me. We talked for a bit about nothing really important before my dad called my name in that angry voice he always used when he was super mad at me. I felt my hands shaking as I told Emmett I would be right back._

"_Yeah dad?" I asked, going down the hall to the kitchen, where his voice was originating from. I walked in and found him standing at the sink, holding up the dish cloth as it was lathered with bubbles._

"_I thought I told you to do the dishes," he slurred, obviously drunk. I groaned internally, forgetting that I was told to do them a while ago._

"_I'm sorry, I forgot," I mumbled, going over to him and reaching for the cloth. He tossed it down into the sink and the water splashed everywhere, soaking the counter and both our clothes. He turned to me, his inebriated stare unnerving me because I was so unsure of what he'd do. He grabbed my face hard in his hand and squeezed so tight tears fell from my eyes._

"_Fucking useless," he spat, releasing me and pushing me away from him at the same time. I stumbled back into the corner of the fridge and hit my head against it, crying out at the pain. After that, dad left me alone in the kitchen, swiping his bottle of whiskey off the counter and heading for the living room. _

_I ambled over to the sink and did the dishes quietly, trying to keep the tears inside as the pain of my head and face throbbed more intensely every second. Each time I felt the waves of pain crashing over me I grew angrier, knowing that I didn't deserve what he'd just done to me. I'd only forgotten to do the dishes, which was something ridiculous for him to get angry over._

_I did them anyways and went back to the computer room, finding that Emmett had left me a few messages while I was gone. Talking to him was always calming for me because it took me away from this place and the life I had. Nothing for me had been what I would consider normal, and getting beaten and hit for things I didn't deserve was starting to take its toll on my body. I felt weak all the time, barely able to do push-ups in gym class because my muscles were sore from being so tender. _

_But when I talked to Emmett I wished for something other than what I had. I was so unhappy and scared every minute of the day, wondering the next time dad would hit me, or smack me, or yell at me. I knew it was no way to live, and after the incident yesterday and just now in the kitchen, I made a split decision to get myself out of it._

_I wanted out of the pain and hurt. I wanted out of this life._

_I asked Emmett for his phone number at home, claiming I wanted to say 'hi' to my aunt and uncle. Emmett responded quickly and I peered out around the edge of the doorway to see dad still sitting in his chair in the living room. I picked up the phone, my hands still shaky in my nervousness._

"_Hello?" Aunt Esme's voice answered._

"_Hi Esme, it's Edward," I half-whispered. _

"_Oh, hello sweetie," she replied in a soft voice. "How are you?"_

_I swallowed thickly, goose bumps coating my skin as I tried to find words to tell her._

"_Not good, Esme, I need help," I told her, tears collecting in my hand when I hadn't even realized I'd been crying. "I'm scared."_

"_Honey what's wrong?" Esme asked, her voice revealing her uncertainty._

"_I'm scared aunt Esme. I don't want to live here anymore. Daddy hurts me." My voice was cracking and I couldn't really control my breathing. I was stuttering as I tried to keep up with the amount of oxygen I needed to intake. _

"_Edward, sweetie, he hits you?" She asked again, making sure she heard me correctly._

"_Yeah," I whispered. "All the time. Aunt Esme I can't take it anymore. He...scares me...so much."_

_Just then the phone was plucked from my hands, the audible sound of plastic splintering as my father whipped it against the wall. The phone shattered and lay broken on the floor, the pieces scattering as I turned to face him._

_His glazed, green eyes were staring down at me, hardening and angered as he raised his arm to hit me. I quickly ducked before he could land a blow and ran around him to the door of the house. I pulled it open and almost got out, that is until he yanked me back inside by my hood. He slammed the door shut and twisted his fist around strands of my hair, drawing me to my knees as he kicked me in the shin. I cried aloud as my bare skin scraped across the floor, ripping and tearing as he dragged me down the hall._

"_What did I tell you...Edward?" He asked me, gripping me around the bicep as he tried to pry me from the ground. "You shouldn't have said those things to Esme."_

"_Dad...please," I protested, trying to loosen the grip his fingers had on my hair. "Stop."_

_His fist hit the side of my jaw and blood pooled around my tongue, oozing from my teeth as black spots pierced the backs of my eye lids. I was still crying and sobbing, pleading with my father to stop hitting me, but to no avail..._

By the time I finished recalling everything from that day, Bella had crawled into my lap, her forehead resting against mine as we both sat there and cried. She sniffled quietly and I opened my eyes to find that hers were lovingly staring into mine.

"After that, I don't remember much," I whispered. "The rest I know because of what Esme and Carlisle told me."

Bella leaned forward a little more and pressed her moist lips against mine, the concentrated, salty taste of her tears seeping into my mouth. I kissed her back with so much passion I could hardly breathe, but I didn't care. I'd just shared more with her than I ever had and it felt so good that I just cried even more, deepening the kiss until my chest stung from lack of air.

"I'm so sorry," she breathed, pecking at my lips again before pulling away enough to look at me. "I never...never imagined it would be – so horrible. You didn't...deserve any of it."

"He told me not to tell anyone," I replied, sweeping her dark, stringy locks behind her shoulder. "I disobeyed. I opened my mouth, Bella, and look what happened."

"Edward," she whimpered, shaking her head. "I hate that you – think like this."

"It's the only way I know," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "If I said something that he didn't like, or something...that made him angry, he would hit me. I couldn't – do _anything _right Bella. Nothing was ever good enough and nothing good ever came of me opening my damn mouth."

"You're wrong," she replied, dragging her fingers through my hair slowly until I closed my eyes from the serenity her touch brought on. "If you hadn't done that...if you hadn't called Esme, Edward, you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't be with me," she whispered. "You wouldn't have Esme or Carlisle or Emmett. You'd still be in Chicago...with him."

"I know," I answered, the breath leaving my lungs as my eyes opened. I watched her as she looked back at me and knew that what she was saying was true. "I know. It's just...so hard. Trusting people not to hurt me is too much for me to handle. I figure, why let people in to potentially hurt me, when I can just avoid the pain altogether? It...it just seemed easier I guess..."

"Edward, I would never..."

"Bella I know," I assured her, silencing her words with a kiss. I couldn't bear to listen to her tell me she wouldn't hurt me one more time without feeling ten times more guilty about the fact that I should have just told her all of this in the first place. I trusted her as much as I trusted Esme, which was saying something because she was the only person I'd ever really opened up to. Carlisle came close, sure, but with Esme I felt comforted and sort of at peace. It was the maternal nature in her that made me feel that way, she always knew what to do or say to make things better.

In truth, I thought of Esme as my mother. Not as a representation of someone I would have wanted for a mother, I saw her as my mother. I _wanted _her to be my mother.

"I'm so..." Bella's lips pressed lightly against my cheek and I shivered at the bliss I felt right at this moment, as though nothing else could go wrong. "Proud of you. Do you mind...if we, talk some more?"

Her question was hesitant, almost weary, of whether or not I'd want to keep going. I couldn't deny her now, not after all that I'd told her. I wanted to keep going, to tell her every single detail of my life and why I always acted the way I did.

"Not at all," I replied with the most natural smile I could muster. It probably came off looking a little scary because I was in the process of coming to terms with the fact that I'd actually just told her about my past. That and the caffeine giving me such bad tremors I could barely sit still.

"Okay," she said with the most beautifully breathtaking smile I'd seen her wear in a while. "Uh, what else happened? I mean, Carlisle and Esme went to Chicago?"

"Yeah. I really don't remember very much after he...hit me, that day. I blacked out after a while. The next thing I know I'm waking up in a hospital four days later. Esme and Carlisle were there and they told me I was going to live with them."

"I'm glad they were there for you," she said quietly. "They love you like you're their own son."

Her words resonated within me and a few tears fell from my eyes again as I hastily wiped them away.

"I wish they were my parents," I replied, shaking my head. "I owe them my life. If it weren't for them I would be dead."

Bella sniffled loudly and then coughed, covering her mouth with her hand before she took in a long, steady breath.

"What else happened? What did Carlisle and Esme tell you?"

"Bella, honey, you really don't want the answer to that," I told her with a sympathetic stare. She would break down listening to all the shit that he did to me. It even made me sick, and somewhat astounded, that my body had taken such a beating at thirteen. I'd somehow lived through it all though, despite what he'd done.

"Please," she begged, her lips softly brushing mine. "Please. I want to know everything, even if it is bad."

I sighed and thumped my head back against the headboard. "It's just going to make you cry more, and I hate to see you so upset," I told her, thumbing the streaks that had marred her cheek. "You're so beautiful, Bella."

"Stop changing the subject," she said with a coy smile, her cheeks flushing. I grinned at the fact that I'd made her blush, leaning forward to kiss her soft, coloured skin.

"I'm not trying to, I'm just stating a fact," I assured with the grin still on my face.

She smiled again before she said, "Please. I want to know, Edward."

"Okay," I conceded, because in the end, it's better that she knows. "Okay..."

"It's alright," she cooed, her fingers stroking my hair again. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you," I murmured, pressing a kiss to her neck, feeling the shiver rolling through her as her body melted further into mine. "I trust you."

Bella nodded and angled her head away from me, exposing more of her deliciously warm skin for me to give affection to. I dragged my lips across her throat, pleased by the soft moans that filled the room as I did so. Before I got carried away, I stopped nibbling her collarbone and pulled away to face the painful truth of what else happened to me.

"Like I said...I woke up four days later in the hospital. I had...oh god..." I struggled to say it. The extent of my injuries was vast. "Bella, really?"

"Edward, please."

I nodded, and in a long, drawn out breath I said, "I had a lot of injuries. The worst was a broken collarbone. I also had a few broken fingers, a fractured wrist, and a sprained ankle. I had cuts and scrapes all over my knees and legs. Actually I had a huge gash on my left leg. There's a scar there," I told her, pointing to my leg even though she couldn't actually see through the jeans.

And, like I'd predicted, she was crying. I knew she'd hate to hear what happened to me, which is why I didn't want to tell her in the first place. It was hard for me to even recall what happened to me, let alone tell the person I loved most in the world. It absolutely crushed her to hear such things about me, and I hated to have her crying because of that.

"See..." I said, taking my sleeve to dry her face. "I didn't want this to happen."

"But I'm – glad you, told me," she said in a shaky voice. "I can't...believe he did such terrible things to you. And a thirteen...year old you – no less."

"I know," I shrugged. It sickens me that I have such a disgusting, twisted fuck for a father, but sadly, I couldn't just delete him from the family tree. No matter how hard I wished I could.

"Is there anything else?" She asked timidly. I rubbed both hands over my eyes and groaned, because yes, there was more.

"Yeah," I said with furrowed brows, hoping she'd just tell me not to worry about it. She bit her lip and cleared her throat.

"Please," she whispered, and I couldn't say no.

"I also had bruises," I replied, trying to build up the confidence in my voice. "They were everywhere, but mostly on my face. Bruises were on my arms and legs too, some old and some new. The back of my head swelled up as well and thankfully no long term damage was sustained. There was also a spot on my back, right below my right arm pit, where I landed on a nail. A scar's there too."

"You landed on a nail?" She asked with confusion, the tears still spilling down her face.

"Uh, yeah. After the phone call, Esme and Carlisle contacted the Chicago authorities and got on the next flight out there. I was found by the paramedics I guess. But...they found me in the basement on the floor, barely breathing. The way I landed suggests that I was...pushed, down there. Our basement was unfinished and packed with all sorts of tools and shit. Apparently I landed on a nail when I fell."

"He...pushed you," she stuttered, "down the stairs?"

"That's what they said," I replied with a tight nod. She sobbed loudly and gripped onto the back of my neck, burying her face in my shoulder as her body shook against mine. I rubbed my hand along her back soothingly, whispering "it's okay" and "shh" to her as we sat there for minutes upon minutes, embracing each other like our lives depended on it.

After a while she calmed down, the odd crackled sob or quiet sniffle escaping her as we refused to pull away even for a second.

"Is...that all?" She asked anxiously, anticipating even more horror. But thankfully, that's all I knew about what happened.

"That's all," I told her, softly running my fingers through the tangled ends of her hair. "That's it."

I felt her sigh against my shoulder, her hot breath penetrating my shirt and warming me significantly. I gripped her tighter around the back, aching for the all encompassing warmth of her bare skin to be against me.

"Thank you," she breathed, her lips pressing against my throat with her words. I emitted a low, desperate growl, begging her to continue. She answered my silent plea, forming a trail of gentle licks and pecks along my skin until my body was seething with the insatiable need to have her. I pushed her away a bit, bringing my fingers to the zipper on her sweater and pulling it down as her hooded eyes met my own.

I wanted to deepen our connection, because the dull, electric current that always seemed to pass between us had suddenly sparked intensely. I'd never felt anything so vivid in all the time I'd been with Bella, and to understand that it was because I was now finally me, Edward Masen, was fucking scary as hell. I'd dug into my past and told her everything, leaving no doubts or worries in my mind about who I wanted to be.

All this time I wanted to be whom Bella wanted me to be. I just wanted to be myself, without the stubborn reservations and futile attempts to push people away.

And now, I was.

I pushed the sweater from her shoulders and she discarded it, tossing it to the floor before pulling her shirt over her head. Her bra was black and lacy, and I felt my cock struggling against the inside of my jeans because I loved the way the material snugly held her tits. The bra was a turn on, but as much as I loved it on her, I loved it even more when it wasn't.

Bella's hands reached for the hem of my shirt and I assisted her in taking it off, throwing it where she had thrown her shirt and taking her face in my hands. I pulled her to me, kissing her deeply and soundly, capturing her quiet moans in my mouth as my fingers traced the outline of her bra, fingering the silver clasps before unhooking them.

Without breaking the kiss, she slid the straps down her shoulders, tossing it aside as well and shifting in my lap to straddle me. I sat up straight, fanning my hand out across her back and forming my chest to hers, consumed by the heat her body was emanating.

Her tongue gently stroked mine, the urgency of the kiss dissipating as our motions were soft and unhurried. The need to feel her increased, the slow, sensual touches sending me further and further into oblivion as I did nothing to stop it. When her hips ground down on mine my eyes rolled back in my head, and I had to come up for air.

"Fuck," I whined as Bella kept going. Her body slid smoothly down my chest, her lips following as they covered my skin in her ministrations. Her hand grasped my belt tightly, pulling it open and popping out the button to my jeans before she began tugging them down my legs. I braced myself on my elbows and lifted my hips so she could pull them off, watching the way her hair hung down and brushed lightly against me as she went.

She took off her own jeans when she was done, kicking them off the edge of the bed and revealing the sexy, black boy shorts that matched her bra. I bit back the whimper rising in my throat and crawled to the edge of the bed, laying her down and positioning myself above her. My lips found hers again and I let my hands wander, gently caressing every inch of skin on her beautiful body. Gripping her thigh, I pulled her hips to mine, pressing my hardness between her legs and listening in satisfaction when she moaned into my mouth.

"Edward," she breathed against my face. I didn't hesitate in descending her body, covering her skin with my mouth, my hands wrapping around the material of her underwear and tugging them down. I pulled my boxers off as well and resumed my position, nuzzling her neck with my nose and whispering to her that I loved her, more than anything in this world.

"I love you too," she gasped, obviously crying. "I love you so much." She leaned up and she was shaking, her lips pressing tenderly against mine, like it was the first time we'd ever exchanged those words. I felt the same though; out of breath, shaking, unable to wrap my head around the intense connection we shared.

"You have no idea," I whispered, kissing the side of her neck before sliding into the tight warmth of Bella. The hammering in my chest quickened and I shuddered, grabbing a hold of Bella's hand and leaning up on the other to keep my weight off her.

Our love-making was languid and agonizingly slow, a pace that I couldn't seem to speed up because the raw pleasure I derived from it was so much that going any faster would push me over the edge much too soon.

I glanced to Bella, my breath coming out in pants as her hand tangled into her hair and she turned her face away from me.

"Bella," I said worriedly, stopping because I was afraid I was hurting her. "Are you okay?"

She looked back to me and nodded her head, leaning up to kiss me, assuring me that she was indeed alright.

"It feels so good, Edward, don't stop."

I groaned and captured her lips with mine, setting the same pace as before, all the passion and love for her pouring out of me through our actions. I angled my hips and sunk deeper into her, feeling her body quaking with the orgasm that rocked through her and hearing the breathy moans she was trying to suppress. The gorgeous lips those sounds were coming from pouted as she pressed them into a tight line, her eyebrows hunching as she continued to writhe beneath me.

When her eyes flickered open and met mine, pulling me down into their abyss, I came. My arms giving out as I buried my head in the crook of Bella's neck. The most incredible orgasm I'd ever experienced coursed through my body and I groaned over and over into her throat, almost blinded by the sheer pleasure I felt.

I gently pulled myself from her, still sensitive and quivering from the intensity of the moment. Bella kissed the side of my face, wrapping her arms around my torso and holding me tightly as she rolled us over to put herself on top. I was practically putty, so I lay lifelessly on my back, circling Bella in my arms and holding her naked body against me. I was content to just enjoy the moment, to lay there with her and never move again, but Mother Nature had other intentions.

I silently cursed because I had to piss and nudged Bella's arm, only to find that she was softly snoring on top of me. I smiled affectionately down at her, loving how she looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. Her face was free of lines and her lips were slightly parted as her warm breath fanned out across my chest. I hated to move her, but I had to. I carefully rolled over and unhooked her from me, watching as she stirred briefly before curling her fingers around the comforter.

I padded over to the bathroom and did what I had to do, opening the door to find her in the exact same position that I left her. Since she was asleep I decided to shower because I hadn't since the morning before and I felt kind of disgusting.

When I was done I was even more relaxed, because for the first time in my life, I had absolutely _nothing _to worry about. So much of the burden I'd carried had been lifted with those words I'd spoken to her, and I hated that I had been so reluctant all this time to tell her. I knew dwelling on the past would get me nowhere, so I dried off, towelling my hair thoroughly before I went back into the room.

Bella had crawled beneath the comforter now, her head snuggled against the pillow as the blanket was to her chin, covering her entire body in its security. I couldn't help but smile again and I turned off the lamp on the nightstand, slipping underneath with her.

Though it was only the middle of the day I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and my eyelids were heavily protesting to staying opened now that the light had been extinguished. I snaked my arm around Bella's waist, pressing her against me as I buried my nose in her hair, succumbing to the exhaustion.

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**A/N:** Alright, wow, now that it's over...what'd yah think?? I'd love to hear it! Drop by and leave me some love before going to read Claire Bloom's chapter 16 of Spellbound!

The song quoted at the beginning is called Card House Dreamer by This Providence. I heart them so much. They're amazing. Also another good song by them for this chapter is My Beautiful Rescue. Amazing. I'd suggest listening to both.

Anyways, that's all for now : )


	17. Meant To Be

**A/N: **So, I love you all, first, because of your many reviews from last chapter. Thank you, I feel so humbled that you're enjoying the story. Also, I adore you all because I'm so CLOSE to 200 reviews, and it's because of your lovely comments. Thank you so, so much.

It means a lot that everyone is enjoying this story.

Love and hugs and kisses to my betas Claire Bloom and dolphin62598 for being amazing. You're so quick and efficient. What would I do without you?

Enough from me, enjoy!

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**_"This is the correlation, between salvation and love_**

**_Don't drop your arms, I've got your heart_**

**_With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark"_**

**b.p.o.v**

My eyelids fluttered opened to a very quiet, dark room, save for my staggered breaths and the dim ray of light peeking in through the curtain. I was sure I'd had a bad dream from how worked up I was, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what it was that had snuck into my subconscious. I just couldn't shake the horrible feeling that I'd dreamt something not at all pleasant.

Trying to clear my head, I sat up, letting the sheets fall to my naked hips, exposing my bare chest to the cold air of the room. I shivered, pulling the comforter back up to cover my skin that was now coated in goose bumps, snuggling it to me. In doing so, an annoyed groan sounded from beside me and I almost jumped off the bed, before I realized it was Edward.

_Edward._

Everything from last night came back to me. All the vivid descriptions he provided me with, all the detail. Everything that he had gone through as a child swam back into my head and I smoothed my hand out along the comforter, searching for him in the dark. My fingers trembled as I wrapped them around his shoulder and pulled myself closer to him.

His back was turned to me and I slid my arm underneath his, snaking it around his waist and pressing myself into him as I softly kissed his skin. It wasn't until I tasted the salty residue on my lips that I was even aware I was crying.

It wasn't a dream.

Last night...what happened...it wasn't all a bad dream, something that I'd conjured up in my mind. It was real. Edward was real and he was here, and he'd told me all those awful things about his father and what happened to him before he moved here.

I exhaled laboriously and brushed my mouth along his shoulder. My lips created a tender trail of affection as his even breathing caused his back to push against me slightly, and when I came to it, I was physically able to feel where he'd been stitched up from being impaled with a nail. I'd seen the scar on his back a few times but never had the guts to question it, and now, I knew why.

I _finally _knew why.

Although it absolutely killed me, tore me apart even, to know that about him, I was so elated he'd finally spoken to me.

Edward mumbled something then, an incoherent slew of muffled words, and shifted, rolling over and burying his head in my chest. I revelled in his warmth, so much so that I felt my lids drooping every now and then, nearly putting me back to sleep.

I was about to surrender to the lure of the promising dreamland, when Edward's palm flattened out against my stomach as his lips contoured the hollow beneath my ear. I moaned quietly in appreciation and tilted my head away from him as he gently tugged me closer.

"Morning gorgeous," he whispered huskily, his voice thick and sexy with sleep as he formed his lips to another part of my throat. I hummed in response, scratched my nails along his back, eliciting a strangled whimper from him as my fingers ventured upward, and wove into his hair. The silken strands slipped easily between them, feeling soft and smooth from the shower he'd had the night before.

I only assumed of course, because I'd fallen asleep rather quickly last night, but I could smell it. He smelled fantastic, like soap and flowers and just...clean.

I unconsciously bent my head closer to him while his lips journeyed further down, past my collarbone, and I inhaled deeply.

"Mmm," I moaned, tightening my hold on his hair, "you smell so good. Like...flowers."

Edward's tongue swept out and brushed a hot, wet trail of saliva just above my left breast and I arched my back, urging him closer.

"Flowers?" He asked, the humour evident in his voice despite how utterly sexy he sounded.

I nodded. It had to be the hotel shampoo because he didn't smell like he usually did. He still had that potent, manly smell he always had, but there was something distinctly floral about him as well. I actually really liked it.

"Well you...smell even better," he replied, his dark, seductive eyes gazing up at me from my bare chest. He pressed the tip of his nose against the swell of my breast and tortuously dragged it up, along my skin, until he finally reached my throat again.

I felt him inhale deeply before he took my earlobe between his teeth and tug gently. A pleasurable shudder rippled through me and I struggled to keep myself still as he nipped at the soft flesh. It almost got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore before he spoke.

"Hmm, yes, you do smell much better," he mused, reaching up with his hand to brush the hair away from my neck. "You smell like sex."

The ghostly whisper of his words and the sensation of his warm breath on my neck sparked my desire and I pressed my thighs tightly together, desperate for more contact. Edward's hand grasped the one that was in his hair and he pried it off his head, bringing it down between us so I could relieve the tension building inside of me.

He loved to watch me touch myself.

I brought my hand back up, to my lips, and stuck two fingers in my mouth, gathering saliva on them as Edward watched me in a trance. When I felt they were adequately prepared, I lowered them to my swollen clit, gently massaging it with my wet fingers.

"Fuck, Bella," he growled, sliding down again, suctioning his lips to my throat.

"You like...that?" I asked, breathlessly but knowingly. I felt him nod into my neck and he continued sucking on the skin, making it so tight I knew he'd leave a mark. I didn't care though, I wanted him to do it; I wanted a reminder of him on myself.

"Jesus, that's so hot," he groaned as his mouth detached from my throat and I felt his hand gently nudging my thigh. I glanced down, watching through hooded lids as he took his cock in his hand and firmly stroked upwards, rubbing his thumb across the moist slit at the tip.

My fingers dropped lower, over my aroused skin to where wetness was absolutely seeping out of me, and I dampened my fingers again before softly but furiously sweeping them over the sensitive bud. My back curved up, pressing hard against Edward's chest. I could feel myself getting close. The vision of Edward pumping himself in his own hand, driven by passion and lust, was so overwhelming and visually pleasing that it assisted me in finding my orgasm.

With another throaty grunt from him I felt all my muscles contracting and tingling as the orgasm rippled from my core to the rest of my body. My arms and legs twitched and I curled myself into Edward's chest, pressing my thighs together as I felt the after effects of euphoria coursing through me.

"So good," I mumbled nonsensically, my words barely coming from my mouth with how much I was trembling still.

"Bella," Edward breathed into my hair. I peeled my head from his body and looked up to him, his cheeks flushed, eyes dark, lips parted. His hand was still working his cock, bumping against my thigh every so often, and I couldn't help but to look back down at what he was doing.

Words cannot explain what that image did to me.

I resisted the urge to replace his hand with mine and turned back to face him, leaning up to take his bottom lip between my teeth. I sucked it into my mouth and I heard him whimper, which made me smile.

"Are you going to cum for me, Edward?" I asked quietly, sliding my hand up his chest, snaking it around his neck and pulling him closer to me. He nodded and leaned forward, kissing me forcefully and parting my lips with his tongue before delving deep inside. I moaned into his mouth and he responded similarly. Before long, his moans turned into desperate grunts.

I knew he was close.

I shimmied away from him and moved to his feet, sitting up and spreading my legs apart so he could see _all _of me. I watched as his face contorted in satisfaction and his strokes became shorter and faster. Moving my hand down my stomach I gently massaged the throbbing, hard, bud, hissing because of the sensitivity and the cold air that was mixing in with the heat.

"Bella – holy fu..." His voice gave out and he came, short bursts spilling out over his stomach as his body reflexively quaked from the intensity. I exhaled a staggered breath at the eroticism and jumped off the bed, finding my legs to be a bit unstable as I hurried into the bathroom.

I took a small hand towel from the rack and wet it with warm water. I turned off the tap and went back into the room, handing Edward the towel so he could clean himself. He wiped up the mess on his stomach and tossed the cloth to the floor, beckoning me to him with his hand and a sexy, lazy grin. I smiled back and climbed into the bed, cuddling into his open arms as he softly kissed my temple.

"What a way to wake up," he chuckled. I kissed the space between his pecs a few times, nodding in agreement. "I enjoyed that."

"Yeah?" I asked, shifting against him so I could kiss his chin. "You like it when I _pleasure _myself?"

He stared down at me and quirked his brow, the corners of his mouth curving up into a smirk that I hadn't seen in a while.

"I seriously hope you meant that as a rhetorical question," he jibed, leaning down to kiss my nose. I inched closer and took his lips with mine, never feeling more at peace or more secure than I did at this moment.

For the longest time we just kissed; bodies pressed tightly together, hands in each other's hair, lips attached, tongues exploring.

It was nice to just _be_ with him, knowing that no secrets were between us now. There was nothing in the way of Edward and Bella, no truths to hide, no pasts to shy away from or conceal. Everything was out in the open, and although there were still some things I wanted to talk about, I knew all I needed to do was ask.

I would ask and he wouldn't refuse.

The emotions I was feeling, as our kiss grew more forceful made it hard for me to keep my hands off him, so I didn't try to stop them.

One touch led to another, each kiss turned into a lick, and we couldn't fight the need bubbling inside us. Edward made love to me and it was just as fantastic and mind-blowing as last night. It was like...fairytale sex.

It would be fucked up and deranged for a children's story to have sex at the end, but that's the way I imagined it.

Just picture it...

_Snow White; beautiful dark hair, creamy, white skin, full, soft lips, lying listless in her tomb._

_Then in comes the tall, dark, handsome man of her dreams, all ready to sweep her off her feet._

_With that one kiss, he awakens her, bringing her to life and stirring something deep inside of her. With that one kiss, they know it's meant to be._

_He ushers her out of her tomb and onto his horse, riding away into their happily ever after together._

_Before they get there, they throw all their rationality out the window and tear at each other's clothes, desperate to feel nothing between them but skin. _

_Their passion swells and they make love on the forest floor, whispering words of affection, fully consumed and in the moment, as if no one but them exist._

_They become engulfed in pleasure, their wanton needs and urgent desires fill to the point where they can't tell where one body ends and the other begins._

_Fairytale sex._

That's what I envisioned. Perfect, raw, and so mind-numbingly amazing that you can barely wrap your head around it.

It's the only way I can describe what happened between Edward and me. It was as if the way we moved and corresponded to each other was done with precision, him responding to my every need, and I to his. We were so in sync and attuned to one another that it was simply...perfect.

Goddamn fairytale sex.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Edward whispered to me, his hand lightly stroking my back as I lay on top of him. I'd put on my bra and panties when he'd put on his boxers so we could control ourselves, but I knew it wouldn't last for long.

"Just thinking about stuff," I breathed happily, looking up to him. He grinned and leaned down to kiss me, but was interrupted when someone knocked on our door.

Really?

If it's fucking housekeeping again, I won't hesitate to slap someone.

"Argh," I grumbled, rolling off Edward and retrieving his shirt from the floor. I pulled it over my head and grabbed my shorts from my bag, sliding them on hastily and padding over to the door. I opened it, the light from the hall irritated my eyes as Edward, and I had been bathed in darkness since we woke up.

"Good morning Miss Swan," a tall, dark-skinned guy said to me. I looked up at him and was astounded at how freakishly huge he was.

"Morning," I replied, threading my fingers through my hair to tame it somewhat.

"I assume you've forgotten that checkout today was at eleven. You paid for three nights and..."

"Oh!" I squeaked, completely spacing all things time related. "I'm so sorry. I did forget. I'll be out in five minutes, if that's okay?"

I looked up to him with a pleading expression and he gave me a soft smile.

"It's no problem," he replied.

"Thank you so much."

He nodded in appreciation and I went back inside, to where Edward was now sitting up on the bed, leaning on one hand as he scratched his torso with the other.

"What was that about?" He asked, titling his head towards the door.

"What time is it?"

"No idea...?" He replied in confusion. He shifted over to the end of the bed and picked his phone up off the nightstand, squinting at the time on the screen. "Almost twenty after eleven."

"Shit," I mumbled, shedding Edward's shirt and replacing it with one of my clean ones. "We were supposed to be out of here twenty minutes ago. I completely forgot."

"You only paid for the room until today?"

"Yeah, I was...going to come home today," I told him, turning around and sweeping my hair off my neck, pulling it into a messy bun. "I just – I needed some time away from everything. I wanted to try to handle things on my own. It...didn't work out so well."

"But...your mom –"

"Yeah, I know," I said with a wave of my hand. "She told you I wasn't coming home at all?"

"Right."

I rolled my eyes. "Well apparently she chose to tune out the part about me not coming home until _Sunday_," I said, shaking my head. "Was she really bad?"

I bit my lip when Edward's eyes cast down towards the bed.

"She was pretty broken up," he replied quietly. "I've never seen your mom like that before."

Feelings of nausea and guilt spread throughout me for upsetting her so much. I had tried to tell her I was safe and that I was coming home so I at least knew she wouldn't be worrying about me, but turns out, what I'd said had the opposite effect.

At the same time though, did I really want to give her peace of mind? Did I want her to go on pretending our lives were all fine and dandy, like she wasn't cheating on her husband?

The answer to that was no, definitely not.

"Well I just couldn't stay there. I feel really shitty that I made her worry, but I had to get out," I told Edward, shaking my head and tossing all my dirty clothes into my open bag. He got off the bed and put on his jeans and shirt, sitting back down on the edge of the bed when he was ready.

"How come you didn't want to stay home?" He asked. I suddenly stopped what I was doing, realizing for the first time, that with everything that happened, I hadn't told him about Renee.

"Can...can I tell you after? We needed to be out of here almost half an hour ago."

"Sure," he replied with a tight smile. I smiled back at him as best I could and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, as well as to try to regain control of my unruly hair. I didn't have a hairbrush, which was rather unfortunate considering it looked like a rat had nested in there.

Eh, what can you do?

I gave up, just leaving it in a bun, and Edward and I left the room, heading towards the elevator being quiet and holding hands. There were so many things I still wanted to ask him, but I thought that I should first be honest with him.

He pressed the button and we waited, and I wondered whether I should just do it now, or if I should wait until we were in the car. After a few minutes of debate, I wasn't even thinking about it anymore, because the goddamn elevator still wasn't here.

"What the fuck is taking so long?" Edward grumbled, pressing his finger hard against the button a few more times.

"I don't know," I replied, staring up at the numbers, the light stuck on the sixth floor.

"Whatever, let's just take the stairs," Edward said, turning to walk to the stairwell. Before I could even register what I was doing I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"No," I blurted, my hand fisting around his jacket sleeve. He looked down to me, his forehead creasing as his brows furrowed.

"Why not?" He asked his voice agitated. I bit my lip and knew I'd sound a complete moron for telling him. After last night...I just – I didn't want him near stairs. It was stupid, sure, but it made me uncomfortable now that I knew.

"I...stairs," I said, swallowing hard, not sure if he'd understand what I was trying to tell him. He shook his head at my ridiculous attempt at a sentence and turned his attention back to the stairs before he got what I was trying to say.

His expression softened and he gathered me in a hug.

"Bella, don't be absurd," he whispered, kissing my hair. "How many times have you seen me walk up and down a flight of stairs?" He asked, pulling away and looking down to me.

"Lots," I replied somewhat reluctantly.

"And...?" He prompted. I didn't want to respond, because I knew my reasoning was ridiculous. It's not like stairs were _that _dangerous. "Have I ever fallen down the stairs, Bella?"

"No," I conceded stubbornly.

"Exactly, now let's go," he told me, tugging me by my hand. I followed quietly, still unnerved by the whole thing. He opened the door to the stairwell and I laced my fingers with his, holding his hand as tight as I could, just to be safe.

"Bella it's okay," he assured me, lifting my hand to his face and kissing the back of it. "I promise."

I nodded and he walked me down the stairs, being careful, to put my mind and worries at rest. Once we were down what seemed like twelve flights of stairs Edward turned to me, cupping my cheeks in each of his hands.

"Was that so bad?" He asked sweetly. I shook my head and he grinned, bending his head down to mine so he could kiss me. "See...we're fine."

"I know...I just –" I stuttered, unable to tell him with words how much more protective of him I felt now that he'd told me everything.

"Shh," he breathed, putting his lips to mine again. "Please don't be afraid of stairs."

His shoulders gently shook with silent laughter and I opened my eyes to see his filled with amusement.

"Jackass," I mumbled, taking his hand again and leaving the stairwell. We crossed the lobby to the front desk and the same, tall, dark-skinned guy was there, sifting through papers. I walked over to the counter and he looked up, meeting my gaze before his eyes flickered to Edward, then back to me again.

"Hi, I'm sorry about earlier. Here's the key," I said politely, placing the card on the desk. The man's eyes travelled over my face and they briefly focused on my neck before widening. He took the key and smiled.

"As I said, it's not a problem. Have a nice day," he replied.

I frowned and told him the same, turning around and leaving with Edward.

"That was weird," I said as Edward laughed.

"He saw the hickeys," he told me, pointing to my neck. I gasped and covered where he'd pointed to, forgetting altogether about Edward's not so subtle love bites. How in the hell did I miss those in the mirror?

"Forgot about those too?"

"Yes," I hissed, trying to pull my hood over my neck to conceal them. "How many are there?"

"Let me see," he said, tugging the material away. He bit his lip playfully while he looked down to my throat. "Uh...three."

"Edward!" I whispered loudly, my face heating up as the blush crept onto my cheeks. "Oh for fuck's sake, how am I going to hide these from Charlie?"

While my face turned red, Edward's drained of colour.

"Shit," he murmured, giving me a funny look. "Wear a scarf?"

I rolled my eyes, and despite my concerns, I laughed. I didn't care that he'd left his mark on me; I just wished he'd done it somewhere much less _visible _to my father. The last thing I wanted was another reason for Charlie to dislike Edward.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"Edward, it's nothing," I said with a wave of my hand. "Now everyone will just know that I'm yours."

He smiled; a real smile that touched his eyes and made him glow.

"Damn right they will," he told me, draping his arm around my waist, ushering me to the front doors of the hotel. We stepped out into the frigid weather and I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering almost immediately. It felt like December, not October.

"Why the hell is it so...cold?" I asked him.

"Hell froze over," he offered with a grumble and I laughed again. "Want to get coffee or something?"

"Sure," I chattered with a nod. "There's a Starbucks just down..."

Shit. Fuck.

Why did I open my goddamn mouth?

"Okay, sounds good," Edward replied.

_No. No. No._

I prayed, hoped, wished, begged, pleaded, to whoever was out there, that James wasn't working. It would make my life so much easier if he just wasn't there. Maybe he was fired, or quit.

I walked grudgingly beside Edward to the Starbucks, cursing me and my big mouth, forgetting entirely how cold I was until we actually stepped inside the cafe. I immediately glanced over to the cash register, breathing a sigh of relief when I didn't see James, and instead I saw a woman. Edward and I made our way over to the line and he pulled out his wallet, handing me a twenty.

"I have to use the washroom. Just...get me a coffee," he said, leaning down to give me a peck on the cheek. I smiled at him before he left and perused the menu, fully caught off guard by someone tapping my shoulder.

I spun around, and of course, there stood James, a spray bottle and a cloth in his hands.

_Son of a bitch, he wasn't at the register, he was cleaning damn tables._

"How many boyfriends do you have?" James asked, quirking his brow at me.

"One," I said through clenched teeth. "It's...complicated."

"Ah," he said with a nod of his head. "I see. And is this guy, or the one from yesterday, your actual boyfriend?"

Why did he care?

"This one," I replied, wondering how long it took Edward to use the fucking bathroom.

"So that guy from yesterday," James said, waving his hand around dramatically, "he was...what?"

"I said it's complicated," I told him, evading his question. James' eyes fell above my head and I felt Edward's presence behind me before he slid his arm around my waist, holding me protectively against him. I gripped onto him, silently thanking him for saving me from this creep.

"Who's this Bella?" Edward asked and I could tell he was trying to control his voice. He sounded _too _calm to actually be calm.

"I'm James," James said to Edward before I could introduce him.

"We were just leaving," I said to James, sensing the heated tension between the two of them as they stared at each other. It was awkward and uncomfortable and I wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there before Edward ripped James apart, starting with his jugular. "Come on Edward."

He barely loosened his hold on me and we hurried to the door before walking outside, going back the way we came.

"I leave you alone for thirty freaking seconds," he said, shaking his head. "He looked like he wanted to swallow you whole."

His hand tightened on mine and he was fuming, muttering things under his breath, his lips then pursing in his fury. We walked quickly to the hotel, going around the back of the building to where the parking lot was. We were at his car in a matter of seconds and he let go of my hand before going over to the driver's side.

I got in when he did and he slammed his door shut, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin at how worked up he was.

"Edward, please, calm down," I pleaded, putting my hand over his, trying my best to get him in better spirits. He looked over to me, his features twisted in a mixture of anger and understanding.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, lifting his hand slightly to rub his thumb over my knuckles. "I just _hate _when guys look at you like that, as if you're a three course meal. It pisses me off."

I lifted my free hand to his face and brushed the backs of my fingers along the rough stubble on his chin, watching as he became comfortable, closing his eyes and easing into my touch.

"I know it makes you angry," I began, running my thumb along his bottom lip, "but you know you have nothing to worry about." He opened his eyes and they bore into mine, waiting eagerly for me to continue. "I told you...I'm yours."

I felt his hand pressing against my chest, directly above my heart, and I put my hand over top of it.

"Mine?" He asked, more like a question than a statement, not merely staking his claim but asking me if it was what I wanted as well. I felt like crying at the emotion, the powerful connection, which flooded between us. He'd never sounded so vulnerable and uncertain about anything as much as he did with that one word.

"Yes," I breathed, "yours." I bent my neck and placed small, chaste kisses all over his wrist and forearm, murmuring that same word over and over again.

"Why?" He demanded in a choked sob, lifting my face with his finger, his lips insistent on my own. "Why do you love me? Why me...and not someone else?"

He kissed me again and a tear slipped down my cheek, his gentle hand cupping the side of my face to dry the moisture.

"I love you, because you were made for me, Edward. What we have," I said, motioning between us, "it was meant to be. You're mine, and I'm yours."

"Good," he replied with a smile, his warm breath fanning out across my mouth, drawing me closer to him. "Nothing will ever change that."

"No," I said, shaking my head, forcing the image of us not being together from my mind. "No. Never."

His lips ghosted across mine, barely making contact as the words "I'm sorry" drifted up to my ears and he wrapped his long, slender fingers around the back of my neck, threading them into my hair.

"I'm sorry I took so long to get here," he said his voice unsteady. "I should have done this a very, very long time ago."

"It's okay," I whispered, putting my lips on his to silence him. "I'm just so relieved that we're here. I don't want to dwell on before. All that matters is that we got to this point...relatively unscathed."

"Yeah," he said with a small chuckle.

"Uh, by the way," I said, interrupting what he was about to say because I remembered that I had to tell him about Renee. "Sorry...I have something to confess."

"From before?"

"Yeah, why I _really _left, I mean...it was mostly because of what happened at your house, but also...because of something that happened with my mom."

I told him about everything; what I did when I left, what I heard and saw, how it drove me to leave because I couldn't _stand _to be there another second and look at my mom without doing something impulsively angry.

"Shit..." He said his eyes wide in shock. "So your mom is like...screwing Mike Newton's dad."

I groaned and hit my head back against the seat, loathing the very idea in the first place.

"I suppose," I mumbled, crossing my arms over my chest and staring out of the windshield. Edward actually laughed, and I looked over to him, not understanding what exactly it was about this situation he found highly amusing.

"Sorry," he said, holding up his hands in surrender when he saw me giving him the death stare. "I...I know this is a really fucked up point to be making, and honestly, it's making me mad just thinking about it...but, like father like son."

"Edward!" I yelled in surprise, laughing anyways because it really was fucked up, strange, disgusting, and yet somehow, a little humorous. "Oh god, that's sick. Ugh, Newton." I shivered, wondering how in the hell my mother fell in love with _Phil Newton_. If he was anything like Mike I couldn't fathom how she could _possibly _hold attraction for someone so annoying.

"Yeah, I know, messed up thought, but that's all that came to mind," he offered me with a shrug. "So that's why you left in the end?"

"Pretty much," I said with a sigh. "It was like I was right smack dab in the middle of hell. Everything was just...gone, falling apart."

Edward grasped my hand in his once more and squeezed my fingers tightly, giving me a smile that told me what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"You...Bella you have no idea how sorry I am for driving you so far away from me. I feel so responsible for everything –"

"Listen," I cut him off, "it's already done. I had reasons for leaving, and now, I have a reason to go home again."

"Glad to hear it," he replied, tenderly stroking the line of my jaw with his thumb. "I missed you so much."

"Mmm," I hummed, nuzzling my face into his hand. "I missed you like crazy. I wanted to go home so bad, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Then I saw Emmett and...when he told me that you were here looking for me too I...I was hoping – so badly, that you would give this another chance."

"Huh," he reflected quietly. "And here I was, scared to death, hoping you would _let _me."

I smiled and turned my face in to kiss the palm of his hand.

"Aren't we a pair?" I said grinning.

"That we are," he replied. "You ready to go home?"

"Ready," I told him, "I think."

He leaned in, placing a sweet, soft kiss to my lips, making them tingle with pleasure as he pulled away and started the car. I sat back, put my seatbelt on, rubbing my fingers along my bottom lip that was swollen, and pleasantly sore from kissing Edward. I glanced over to him as he turned out of the parking lot and onto the busy street of Seattle, taking note of the fact that his lips looked like mine.

It was just another reminder that we belonged to each other, another thing that proved our love.

It made me smile to know that I could leave my mark on him as well, even if it wasn't in the form of a hickey, or three. I subtly drew my sweater over my neck to cover my love bites even though nobody was around to see them, and snuggled into the seat, still tired for some reason, despite how we'd slept through most of the day yesterday.

The first half of the ride back was quiet. We talked a little bit about nothing important, mostly songs we heard on the radio. I was stewing over last night again, trying to rack up all the questions I wanted to ask him but finding my brain too over-worked to process everything at once.

Eventually Edward asked me why I was so quiet.

"I'm just...thinking about everything," I told him, watching the forests beyond the window as the leaves were falling from the trees with the wind. "I have so many questions I want to ask. I'm getting lost in my thoughts."

"I wouldn't be opposed to talking some more," he assured me, quickly glancing over to me before looking back to the road. "I think last night was...as bad as it's going to get."

"Really?" I asked, a faint smile tugging at the corners of my mouth at his openness.

"Yeah," he said with a nod.

"Okay, just..." I trailed off and unzipped the bag that was at my feet, moving my clothes and other things around, searching for a piece of paper and a pen. I had to have them in here _somewhere. _I had everything else known to man crammed in the bag, but when I'm looking for a pen and paper, it's like a rare commodity or some shit.

I felt like screaming 'Eureka!' when I pulled out a scrap piece of paper and a pen from my bag.

"Having troubles?" Edward asked amusedly. I scoffed and set the paper on my thigh, trying to scribble down something actually decipherable. It was a good thing Edward's car ran smoothly or else it would have come off looking like chicken scratch.

"I wanted to write down some questions so I don't go mad trying to think them all up," I said to him, though he hadn't asked. "Can I ask you about something that's been bothering me?"

"Okay, shoot," he said, nodding his head.

"The party..." I began, watching as his fingers almost instantly wrapped even tighter around the steering wheel. "What happened that night Edward? Why was everything so fucked up?"

His knuckles were straining so hard they were turning a sickly shade of white, making his hands stand out against the black of the steering wheel.

"Can...fuck – can we save that question for when we get home? I don't think I can talk about it and drive at the same time," he asked, glancing to me frequently as he spoke. He saw the rejection on my face, the uncertainty, and took one of his hands off the steering wheel, placing it over top of mine.

"Bella, I _will _tell you. I will. I just...I haven't really come to terms with what happened that day. I'd rather not talk about it when I'm driving. It's too much..."

"Alright," I agreed, "but I'm holding you to that."

He laughed a bit and patted my hand before putting his back on the wheel once more. His eyes glazed over with somewhat of a distant look, as if he was lost in his thoughts as well, consumed by the memories. I could tell that he was most likely thinking about that day and what I'd asked him.

It was obviously still a touchy subject, as was everything that I wanted to discuss with him, but that one seemed more...painful. I desperately wanted to know what it was but I could wait. It was only another hour or so until we got home.

"You can ask me something else if you want," he offered in a small voice. I smiled down at the piece of paper I had in my lap and tried to pick what I thought was maybe an easier question for him to answer.

"Uh, your birthdays..." I started, shifting my eyes to him to gauge his reaction. He sighed and nodded, running his fingers through the tips of his hair to get it out of his eyes. He seemed fine with continuing, so I kept going. "Were you always so...you know, depressed because it was the anniversary of your mother's death?"

"Pretty much," he replied solemnly. "Mostly because of that, and also because birthdays when I was younger...they weren't – what's the word...conventional?"

"What do you mean?"

"I never had parties, never had friends over. I think when I was young my father used to buy me presents just so he didn't have to entertain me. You know, just so I had something else to do other than bug the shit out of him. But as I got older all of that sort of fell away. The only thing I really had to myself in the end was the computer."

"He never got you cake or anything?" I asked quietly, astounded at how horribly he'd been treated as a _child. _

"Nope," he said with a shrug, as if it didn't really matter anyways. "No cake. When I have a birthday now Esme and Carlisle get me stuff. They try to make up for all the things I lost in my childhood, and I love them for it, but it's such a brutal day to begin with. My mother was Esme's sister, Bella. She misses her so much..."

I slipped my hand underneath his arm and squeezed his leg tight, running my thumb along the top of his thigh. I had no idea what to say because he was just telling me truths. I felt so bad that he hadn't had those experiences as a child, and if possible, I think I loved Carlisle and Esme even more for being such perfectly wonderful people to Edward.

"On my birthdays, for me, there's nothing really to celebrate. I know Esme's upset, despite how big of a smile she puts on, and I still feel responsible underneath it all."

"Edward you know there's nothing you could have done differently," I said, assuring him that he wasn't to blame for anything that happened. "It wasn't your fault."

"I'm just telling you the way I feel Bella. It may seem a little strange to you, but I can't help it."

I nodded because I could understand that. Even if it wasn't something entirely healthy for him to think, I could sympathize with why he couldn't help to feel what he did.

"Does that answer your question?" He asked cutely, trying to smile even though it didn't light his eyes the way it should have.

"Yeah," I replied with a grin, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "It did, thank you."

"You're welcome. Any other questions?"

I nodded, and looked back to the list, trying to pick out another one for him to answer.

We spent the rest of the drive back talking about his childhood. I didn't venture back to the question about the party, but instead stuck to small things like if he had friends growing up, what he liked about school, what his favourite subjects were. I learned a lot about him, things that made more sense now because I knew these little details from when he was a kid.

"Did your friends ever call you nicknames?" I asked with a chuckle. "Like Eddie or something horrible?"

He twisted his face, scrunching up his nose at the name Eddie and laughed.

"This kid in my class called me Ed once and I think I just about lost it. I hate the name Ed," he said with a shiver. "It's so not me. People used to call me by my last name a lot."

He shifted a little in his seat and glanced over to me a bit awkwardly.

"Why is that strange?" I asked, wondering why he was so apprehensive about the small bit of information he'd just provided me with.

"I have...something to tell you," he said, biting his bottom lip. "My last name...it's not Cullen."

"What...? Yes – it is..."

"It's Carlisle's last name. My mother was Esme's sister," he explained and I suddenly felt sick. I'd been dating him for all these years and I never knew his last name wasn't Cullen?

How fucked up is that?

"Why did you change it?" I asked, trying to keep my emotions from my voice.

"Carlisle thought it would be better...for me, if I just sort of left all of that behind. He said I didn't have to, but if I wanted to, I could. So I took him up on the offer. I didn't want to have to remind myself of my past anymore than I needed to. I guess changing my last name was just a small step."

I took a long, deep breath and nodded, because it did make sense, it was just making me nauseous that I had been in the dark about something as simple as his last name.

"What did your last name use to be?"

"Masen," he replied tersely. "Edward Masen."

_Edward Masen. _

"Huh, well – that's interesting," I said for lack of anything better to say. I mean really, what was I supposed to say to that? I understood why he couldn't tell me that his last name was Masen, because it would mean telling me about everything else when he clearly wasn't ready.

"I'm sorry I never told you, I –"

"Edward I get it," I told him with a wave. "I get it. I was just...I _am _a little shocked. You don't have to explain yourself to me."

He drove into Forks as I stopped talking and we were quiet the rest of the way back to his house. When we pulled into the driveway the porch lights were already on because it was just starting to get dark outside. The closer to winter we got, the less light we had.

I got out of the car after him and he waited for me around the other side of it with his arm extended to me. I let him slip it around my shoulder as we walked up the steps to the house, and again, I was wary of the stairs. I gave him a worried glance before we went up but he simply rolled his eyes and assured me everything was fine.

We made it up in one piece, because I'm just an overprotective psychopath, and when we walked in I could hear Esme's heels clicking down the hall as she ran to the front door.

"Oh thank god you're home!" She yelled, embracing me rather than Edward, which is who I thought she'd go for. She crushed her tiny body to mine so hard that I gasped in surprise before returning the hug.

"Hi Esme," I said with a chuckle.

"I'm so glad you're back," she said, pulling away. "Is everything okay now?"

I looked back to Edward who was just watching me with Esme, and when I did, he smiled.

"Yeah," I said, turning to Esme once again. "Everything's good."

Esme glanced behind me to Edward and held his gaze for what seemed like minutes before her eyes glazed over with her tears.

"Good," she said softly. "Good."

She leaned in and sweetly placed a chaste kiss to my left temple, filling me with her motherly love and tenderness. I became overwhelmed with feelings and hugged her again, because she was the reason Edward was still here.

"Thank you," I whispered to her. "Thank you for saving him."

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** I really don't think I have to repeat myself EVERY week, do I?

Eh, why break tradition? I'd love to hear what you think! As always! Pretty please. With Robward on top??

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me ; )

Anyway, the song quoted at the beginning is one of my all time favourite bands, Anberlin, with a song called The Unwinding Cable Car. Absolutely amazing. They rock me, hard. Just listen.

Hm, I suppose that's all for now! Head on to chapter 17 of Spellbound after leaving some love. It's fantastic!


	18. Beautiful, Awkward Tension

**A/N: **I wanted to first thank everyone for reviewing last chapter. I've broken the 200 mark and I'm thrilled that so many people are enjoying the story! I thank you all for that, truly.

Also, I wanted to address an anon review that kind of irked me because the chapter was taken the wrong way, and there's no other way for me to reply. **Charlene the mean **in your review you said that it was a little harsh for Bella to throw up when she knew Edward had some big secret, but that's not why she did. If you read it, it was because of the nauseating thoughts Charlie was putting in Bella's head that he would turn out the same.

If it were me, I know I would have felt the same as Bella. If you took that the wrong way, I'm sorry, but that's the way I intended it.

Massive love and chocolate covered Edward's to my beta's Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. Seriously, I adore both of you. Thanks so much for being awesome and efficient.

Enough from me. Enjoy!

* * *

"_**We're cleverly, strategically **_

_**Challenging our fright and insecurities**_

_**And never seem to want to leave.**_

_**Hypothetically if you were point A**_

_**And theoretically if I was point B**_

_**We would be, we would be frantically melting**_

_**Into one massive point, that could overcome anything"**_

**e.p.o.v**

I stood silently, waiting for Esme and Bella to have their moment, listening as Esme cried and held Bella like she was going to run away from her if she didn't grip her tight enough. The image of them standing in that embrace so lovingly caused my heart to react in such a way, that it made me smile like a damn fool. It was affectionate and caring, as if Bella were Esme's child rather than just my girlfriend.

She was part of the family. _My _family.

Several sniffles and giggles were exchanged between the two of them before Esme, like everyone else, apparently, made Bella promise to never run away again. Esme's threats of bodily harm to her and strapping her to the house if she even tried, made me shake my head and laugh.

If I could help it, I would never again be the cause for her to leave. I would never again push her away to the point where she couldn't stand to be around me. I would never give her a reason to hate me as much as she did. I would make it my goal in life if I had to.

"And come here you," Esme ordered, peeling herself away from Bella and motioning me to her with a wave of her hand. I unhitched myself from the wall and smiled down at her before she stepped up on her toes and slipped her arms around my neck.

"You did it," she whispered proudly in my ear, to which I nodded my head. "Was it as hard as you thought it would be?"

"Honestly?" I replied. "Yes. But I don't regret doing it," I said as I saw Bella staring at us, wiping her sleeve beneath her eyes, a small smile dawning on her lips. It was genuinely innocent and unassuming, and for Bella, that was rare. She was always so confident and forward about everything, not hesitant to show people exactly how she felt. However, her coy smile and her cheeks, rose-tinged from the cold, made her subservient to her confidence.

She was like me; exposed.

"I'm so glad to hear that," Esme said, breaking me from being lost in Bella, who was still staring at me, her smile turning from the brief, shy smile, to a smirk. My eyes shifted from Bella's face to Esme's as she too smiled warmly at me. "Are you two hungry? I've just started dinner."

"Starved actually," I replied as Esme stepped away from me. I hadn't really noticed until she mentioned it, but I was fucking hungry as hell. Bella and I had stopped once on the way home to get gas and we decided to grab a bag of Cheetos for the rest of the ride, because of course that's the healthiest thing for Bella to eat after she hadn't eaten in days.

She was stubborn and persistent; something that I knew would never change about her.

So we got fucking Cheetos despite my attempts to make her buy a sandwich.

"Okay, well it should be ready in about a half hour. Emmett and Rosalie are in the living room if you'd like to join them," Esme said as she turned and started walking back down the hall towards the kitchen.

We took off our shoes and I hung our coats in the closet before we made our way down the hall to the living room. I could smell dinner from where I was, and made a detour to the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards for something to snack on. Bella's hand grazed my side as she reached in as well and pulled out a box of Wheat Thins.

I furrowed my brows as she opened the box and started eating the crackers, chewing carefully as I watched her.

"What?" She asked after she swallowed a mouthful of cracker.

"Those taste like cardboard," I said with a chuckle, taking the box from her hand and stuffing a few crackers in my mouth.

"Then why are you eating them?" Her tone was amused and I simply shrugged.

"I'm hungry."

Of course Esme came over, chastised me for eating so ravenously just before dinner, and kicked us out of the kitchen, whacking me on the back with a spatula. We left laughing, and as we entered the living room, my laughter turned into silence.

_Why the hell do I always walk in on them making out?_

"Easy there tiger," Bella said to Emmett, bumping his shoulder with her hip on her way by. I couldn't believe she was so nonchalant about all of this. Emmett was practically suffocating Rose as he lay on top of her, his mouth sucking the life from hers.

I heard Rosalie hissing at Emmett in French as he clambered off her and couldn't help but chuckle again despite the awkwardness. Bella scooped up the remote from the coffee table and sunk down on the loveseat, clicking away to find something that she liked.

"I didn't know you'd be here so early," Rose said, pulling the strap of her tank top back up because it had fallen off her shoulder. I rolled my eyes and wondered if Emmett would have gotten any action if we hadn't interrupted. I hadn't talked to him about her in a while and wasn't sure where they were on the whole physical front.

However, one look at Emmett's face told me all I needed to know.

No love for him.

"I just wanted to come back, so we left a while after check out," Bella answered, glancing at Rose with a smile. "Sorry about interrupting your grope fest by the way."

"Yeah," Emmett grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting beside Rose with a childish pout. I did feel bad for him because he hadn't had sex in over a month and a half, since he'd met Rose, but at the same time, I didn't. Rose was good for him, she was his complete opposite, and they worked. She was everything he needed in a woman and by the looks of things Emmett was everything she needed in a man.

I didn't want him to fuck up and dive into things head first when he should wait until she was comfortable and ready.

I didn't want him to screw up like we had.

Rose blushed from Bella's comment and buried her face in Emmett's shoulder, muttering things in her native language, as I crawled in beside Bella on the loveseat.

We all settled on watching a re-run of The O.C because Bella found it by chance and then refused to change it once she'd clicked on it. I tried in vain to get the remote from her because I hated watching the stupid, chick shows, but she wouldn't relent. So instead, I gave up and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, holding her against me and wondering why in the fuck I hadn't had it in me to do this all so long ago.

It physically made me angry that I had been so withdrawn and reserved from the one person I trusted the most in the world, but I tried my hardest not to dwell on it.

If she was willing to forgive me, I had to be willing to forgive myself for what I'd done. I knew I would never get over any of it, if I kept reverting to the past, picking out key moments in time and analyzing them until I became exhausted.

I just couldn't do it. I couldn't waste any more time with her than I already had, because of my selfishness and inability to let her in my life. I needed to move forward. No more taking steps in the wrong direction.

Esme called to us loudly from the kitchen, punctuating the fact that it was ready and we should all convene at the dining table. Bella helped Rose straighten out her clothes when she stood because they were in complete disarray, so creased and bunched up from Emmett's roaming hands, she blushed furiously. Deciding to spare her some humiliation, I walked ahead with Emmett who was as worked up as I'd ever seen him.

"You probably want to punch my cock-blocking ass, huh?" I asked as he rolled his neck back on his shoulders.

"No," he admitted quietly. "Nothing would have happened anyway. Nothing ever does." More than seeming pissed or aggravated about this, he just seemed...hurt.

"Still nothing?"

"I think I've forgotten how to use it," he said dryly, motioning to his dick. "It's not like I want to pressure her but I just..."

"You want something?" I hedged and to my surprise, he shook his head.

"It's not even about getting laid anymore," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I only want it to be her, but I...I don't know how to show her that without you know..." he finished suggestively.

I knew what he meant.

"Em, you can do other things. Take her on a date. I don't know..." because in all honesty, I didn't. I'd only recently ventured into taking Bella places, and although that was fucking shitty of me, at least I was trying. "Tell her you love her."

"What?"

"Tell her you love her," I repeated clearly, so his deaf ears could hear me.

"Dude...I –"

"Fuck Emmett," I growled, halting my steps and turning to him. "If you say you don't fucking love that girl I'll hit you."

"But..."

He paused, glancing back to the living room entrance where we could see Bella and Rose laughing at something while Rose tried to pat down her hair. His eyes were full of emotion, reflecting his feelings for her, whether he wanted me to see it or not. I knew he loved her. It was obvious.

"Emmett you do," I told him in a tone that was less harsh. "If you don't say shit to her about it, she will never know. Don't let your dumb ass ruin what you have with her."

His eyes flew to mine and he gave me a hard look, questioning my words. Again, I wasn't usually one to give advice.

"I know," I offered with a shrug, "I'm not one to pass judgment. Just don't screw up like I did Em. It's not worth all the fucking heartache when you can avoid it in the first place."

He breathed out heavily through his nose, his eyes transfixed on the floor for a few moments before they met mine again.

"You're right," he conceded. "I should tell her." Emmett looked back to Rose, longing in his gaze as she skipped from the living room and kissed him chastely on the cheek. Bella followed, slipping her fingers between mine and putting her other hand on top of both of them.

I smiled down at her, thankful that I was finally dragging my ass out of this ten foot deep hole I'd dug for myself over these past few years. I would never understand nor fathom how she was willing to forgive me, but again, I didn't want to dwell on it.

_Learn to forgive yourself._

I knew it would be easier said than done, with how shitty I felt, but with her, most of those insecurities seemed to fall away, melting into nothing more than silly notions.

"Did I say dinner was next week?" Esme exclaimed from the kitchen doorway, her hand on her hip as she saw the four of us standing in the hallway in silence. I pulled myself back to reality and apologized as Bella laughed and walked into the kitchen with me in tow.

Esme had prepared two large lasagnas and a Caesar salad. The smell was making me drool, and although I never ate as much as Emmett, tonight I was counting on giving him a challenge.

Halfway through dinner Carlisle got home from work, walking into the kitchen with his scrubs on and eating the lasagna right out of the dish. He was absolutely thrilled to see Bella and me, putting a hand on my shoulder like a proud father when he understood Esme's subtle hints that I had finally grown a pair and talked to Bella.

He leaned down then and whispered to me that he wanted to talk to me in his office after dinner. I swallowed my bite of food harshly, wondering if he had any news about _him. _

I was antsy throughout the rest of the meal, earning a few curious glances from Bella, assuring her that I was fine.

"Really," I said, rubbing my thumb in circles over the back of her hand. "I'm fine. I'll...we'll talk after, yeah?"

"Okay," she said with a nod and continued to pick at her salad.

Carlisle left after a few heaping mouthfuls of lasagna and retired to his office. Reluctantly, I followed. He closed the door behind us and motioned for me to sit. I flopped into my usual chair and he took his spot behind his desk, sinking down in the comfortable seat and pursing his lips before he spoke.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Good," I said with a frown. "Did you ask me here just so we could chit-chat?"

"Not entirely," he confessed, "but I'm glad to see that you're so okay with this after what you've just gone through. You told her everything, am I correct?"

"Mostly everything," I replied quietly. "I haven't told her about the cancer yet, but not because I'm not going to. I didn't really have the opportunity."

He sighed and his eyes, dull blue and tired from working, rested on me.

"Edward I really am proud at how far you've come. Bella is great for you because she's helped you see who you truly are. Somewhere between then and now, you lost sight of that," he said, lacing his fingers together and putting them on his desk. "I'm so grateful that you're able to enjoy what you have, Edward. But I just want to make sure that you're fully putting yourself into this."

"I don't follow?" I admitted.

"Edward, this time I know Bella is not going to settle for anything less than the entire truth. I'm afraid that you're going to be selective in what you're telling her. Shielding her from part of your past is not wise, son."

My insides twisted with his words, both at the realization he didn't trust that I was finally doing this, and because he called me son again.

I sighed, because I desperately wanted it to be true.

"Carlisle...I _am _putting myself in this; fully. No fucking around this time," I said, and he gave me a narrowed look when I swore. "Sorry, but I'm serious. I've told her as much as I remember, about all of it. About the things he did to me, the things he said, and what happened that night. I swear to you, I'm doing this right. I just didn't get the opportunity to tell her about the cancer yet because the rest was as hard for her to take in as it was for me to tell."

His eyes softened on me and his posture became less rigid as he smiled.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't doubt you, by any means; I just wanted you to understand that you have to push through this. It will get harder before it gets easier, but it will be worth it."

"Carlisle, that was the hardest thing I've done in my life," I said, averting my eyes from him. "It hurt so much to tell her what he did to me. I sometimes don't even understand how I survived in the first place."

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Carlisle told me, shaking his head. "You're so much stronger than you think, Edward. You never would have recovered if you weren't."

"I shouldn't have lived through that," I said in small voice, intimately looking to the ground. "Everything was against me. I was so broken..."

"But you did," Carlisle's voice said through my misery. I looked up to him, the backs of my eyes stinging with tears for the millionth time in the past four days. It was fucking getting out of hand how much of a pussy I'd become. "These are all past tense, Edward. It may have felt as if the world was against you, that you could do nothing right, but you're healing. It's all a process, son, and these things take time."

I was so overwhelmed from the past few days, and Carlisle's words, that I could barely speak without fearing that my voice wouldn't crack or break.

"I know," I croaked, "I know. I just...wish it were an easier fucking process."

Carlisle laughed and I couldn't stop myself from smiling back at him.

"So, is that all you wanted to talk to me about. Or do you...do you have news?"

"No," he answered immediately, "no news. I wouldn't pull you away from dinner like that with everyone here. I know how much this affects you, Edward, and you can still back out if you want. I won't tell you if you don't want me to."

"I've thought so much about this that I want to stab myself in the eye," I muttered, raking my fingers through my hair. "But I want to know. Maybe when I know he's gone it will give me some closure."

"Perhaps," Carlisle agreed. "Anyway, I don't want to keep you any longer. I just wanted to clear that up with you."

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm going to face this, for real."

His smile grew and he came around his desk, soothingly running his hand along my shoulder.

"Give it your all," he said softly, "you'll never regret it."

Before I burst into a pitiful mess on the floor of his office, I stood up and grabbed Carlisle in an embrace that was full of desperation. I wasn't exactly sure what I was desperate or needy for, but I felt better knowing I was with someone who loved me; someone who _really _loved me.

"I won't," I whispered back to him.

Carlisle said he needed to make a quick call before going to finish dinner, so I left him alone and went back downstairs to find that everyone had vacated the kitchen with the exception of Esme. I offered to help her with the rest of the dishes, but she waved me off and told me Bella, Rose, and Em went to the living room to watch TV again.

Bella, of course, held the remote hostage, somehow finding another horrendous episode of The O.C and quoting the words precisely. I grinned like a fucking lunatic when I heard her, and I'm not really sure why. The show was stupid and filled with drama, and the main chick character had _the _worst acting skills in the history of the world. But I guess watching Bella getting so into something she enjoyed was adorable.

If it's even possible, it made me love her just a little bit more.

I snuck up behind her and motioned for Em and Rose to keep quiet. They played along, locking their lips and throwing away the keys as I preyed on the remote control in Bella's tiny hands. She was so wrapped up in quoting the show and intently watching the TV that her grip wasn't as strong as she thought. I easily plucked it from her hands and she gasped, turning to me and lunging over the arm of the couch.

"No!" She yelled with a slight giggle, hanging off my shoulders as I tossed the remote behind me to Emmett. I supported her under the ass and she wrapped herself around me completely, legs around my back and arms around my neck. She lifted her face and tried her best to pout at me, giving me puppy dog eyes until I laughed.

"Oh get over it," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You're such a traitor," she pouted again.

"Am not," I replied quietly, leaning forward to brush my nose against hers. "I wanted to talk."

"Now?"

"If you want. I know you should go home..." I trailed off, not sure what exactly to do. She did need to go home because Renee and Charlie would still be worried sick about her, but she hadn't even mentioned home yet. Her initial reaction to home had been to come here, which did more things to me than I'd like to admit.

She sighed, tightening her legs, which in turn squeezed my hips harder.

"I have to, but I don't want to," she said, nibbling on the corner of her bottom lip. "Will you take me home after we talk?"

"I won't want to let you go after," I admitted softly, pressing a kiss to the spot her teeth were digging into. "I need you to be with me for a while. I..."

My arms felt weak and shaky from just thinking about it so I took a step forward and set her down on the arm of the couch, trying to steady my breaths that had suddenly become more than frequent.

"Hey," she said, peering up at me and dragging her thumb over my knuckles. "I'll be here. Would you prefer going to my house first?"

I nodded meekly, figuring it would be wise to bank the words for later when they mattered. I wasn't even sure how to articulate what the entire 'abusive father dying in the hospital' thing did to me because I didn't actually fucking understand it myself. I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to feel, but I knew feeling _anything _shouldn't be normal.

The man tried to kill me.

"We're going to head out," Bella said, looking to Rose and Emmett as she tugged on my hand. I hadn't even realized that she'd stood up until we were already walking away from the living room. We put on our coats and shoes and I called to Esme that we would be back later. She poked her head out from around the corner and waved us goodbye before retreating to the kitchen again.

The drive to Bella's was quiet because I was so consumed by what I was going to say to her after. I wasn't nervous about telling her, or wondering what she would think, I was scared. I still didn't know what to do with this information and it was fucking scaring the shit out of me because a very, very small part of me wondered if I should do what Carlisle suggested.

I pulled into the driveway of Bella's house, behind Charlie's cruiser, and steeled myself before getting out and waiting for Bella to come to me. I tried to stay calm as we walked up the steps and entered the house, but it was no use. I knew there would be tension the moment I walked over the threshold.

"Bella?" Renee's voice asked uneasily from the living room. Bella placed her bag down on the floor and dropped my hand as Renee flew out into the hall and pulled Bella to her. Renee was crying and mumbling things into Bella's hair, as I stood awkwardly in the doorway, unsure of whether or not I should stay or go. I didn't know if Bella was going to resolve her issues with Renee now or later.

"What were you thinking?" Renee asked her cheeks blotchy and tear-stained as a relieved smile painted her lips nonetheless.

"We really need to talk mom," Bella whispered to her but I was close enough to hear. "When dad's not around," Bella dropped her voice a little more before she spoke again. "I think you know what I'm talking about."

Charlie appeared behind Renee then, his hands deep in his pockets as he sombrely gazed at the rest of us.

"I'm glad you're home Bella," Charlie spoke, his words somewhat detached.

"Hi dad," she replied tersely. Then, silence.

_Oh, hello, beautiful, awkward tension. _

I darted my eyes to Bella's and I felt so bad because she looked lost. She ran her fingers through her hair, sighing loudly before she said something.

"Okay, look, this is really awkward," she began, fingering the hem of her jacket sleeve. "I can't pretend that you didn't say the things you did, dad, and to be honest, I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive you. And mom...I – I want to talk with you later about some things that I don't feel like talking about in front of dad."

By this time, it had obviously dawned on Renee that Bella knew all about her Phil Newton affair. She merely nodded at Bella, staring dejectedly at the hall closet, silence threatening us. Bella wouldn't have it though and continued.

"Dad, I really think you should apologize to Edward, for what you said."

"Bella I never meant to use any of it to hurt you," he defended himself, shaking his head. "You have to see where I'm coming from here. You're...you're my baby girl. It's my job to make sure you're safe. And Edward, I never trusted you, mainly because of what I knew, and because you two broke up so many times. I can't tell you how much I wholly regret all of it now. I know I'll never be able to make up for it, but if it's worth anything, I'd like you to know that I am sorry for what I said."

"Thank you," Bella whispered, sniffling quietly before I had a chance to reply. Charlie gave her a tight nod in response and I cleared my throat to speak.

"I appreciate the apology, Charlie."

Again, he was quiet; signalling to me that he'd heard me loud and clear by giving me a nod as well.

"I did as I promised," I said, looking first at Charlie, then Renee. "I brought her home."

"You did," Renee breathed. "Thank you."

"Mom, dad," Bella started, looking to both of them first before continuing, "I don't think me being home right now is the best thing, for any of us. I have a lot on my mind and I would like to stay at Edward's for a few days until I clear my head, if that's alright with you."

I watched her as she spoke, in awe of how confident she was. She had never _asked _for her parent's permission to stay at my house before, and to see her doing so, to see her doing this one, small thing, shifted my world completely.

I wasn't sure why it was this that caused it to turn on its axis, but I suddenly felt as if I had been jolted, and nothing I had known was the same anymore. The Forks before I left was black compared to the white of the Forks to which I had returned.

"I've only ever wanted what's best for you," Charlie replied quietly, having his conversation with his shoes. "And if you feel that staying at Edward's is best, then that's what you should do."

I looked back to Bella and she was crying, her face showing her confliction despite how much I knew she was trying to hide it.

"Thank you dad," she said, offering him a small smile as she sniffled and wiped her cheeks with her sleeve. I turned my attention back to Charlie and I could not even describe the emotion on his face if I tried. All I saw was pain. He cleared his throat and excused himself, telling us he was going into work early since he was working a night shift again.

"How could you do that to dad?" Bella asked Renee.

"Bella," she began with a sigh, straightening out her shirt, "your father...we – honey we don't love each other like we used to. There's no fun or excitement anymore. It's only ever work. I try so hard to make him happy, but we've grown into two completely different people. He doesn't look at me the same way anymore, he doesn't touch me the same."

Renee's tears welled over and fell down her cheeks, but she didn't sob. She continued as though she wasn't even crying.

"I never meant to have an affair Bella, but I can't keep betraying my heart like this. Phil was my high school boyfriend, and one night a few months ago, I ran into him at the grocery store. In the beginning, all we did was talk. He was someone I could confide in, who turned out to be in the same situation as me..."

"I know dad is hard to live with, mom," said Bella, "but you need to tell him the truth. You can't keep pretending this family isn't falling apart. I know he's a pain in the ass...but he doesn't deserve this. Be honest with him."

When Bella wrapped her arms around herself, clutching her sides in tight fists, I took the two steps necessary to get to her and held her in my arms. She curled her head into my chest and I felt her hot breath through my jacket as she exhaled rapidly. She was crying. Her family was falling apart and there was no way she could stop it.

I bent my head and kissed her hair softly, getting a whiff of the hotel shampoo that didn't smell like Bella. I missed her delectable, strawberry scent and didn't like the way she smelled of flowers. It wasn't her.

"It's okay," I whispered to her, massaging the back of her neck with my thumb and forefinger. Her chest pressed against mine with each of her ragged breaths, and when she looked up to me, so innocent again, with tears lining her cheeks, I knew I'd never let her go.

She'd never, ever leave me again because I wouldn't give her reason to.

I bent down and kissed the tears from her cheeks, still whispering that everything would be okay even though I knew this was hard for her. In time, things would right themselves. She may not have the complete family she wanted, but she would have a family nonetheless, no matter where she was.

"Please, mom," Bella choked, turning her head from me and resting it on my chest. Her gaze was fixed on Renee as she watched our exchange with a look of adoration, a small, wistful smile on her lips. "Please tell dad."

"I will sweetheart," she cried, doing nothing to absolve the tears. "Honey...you know what this means, right?"

"You'll get a divorce," she whispered brokenly. Renee nodded her head in response. "I suspected as much."

"Yes, well, there's no other option, Bella," Renee said, her voice slightly edgy. "I will tell your father. You go spend a few days at the Cullen's. Please, just call me."

"I will," Bella replied, nodding her head against my torso. She pulled away from me and hugged Renee, whispering things I couldn't hear. They parted and Bella kissed her on the cheek before she tugged on my hand, pulling me upstairs with her.

We went to her room and she closed the door behind us, dropping her bag to the floor and collapsing on her bed in a mess of sobs and tears. She drew her knees to her chest and gripped them tightly, shaking her head and muttering some things that I couldn't make out because she began hiccupping.

"Come here," I beckoned, sitting on the end of the bed. She crawled over to me and rested her head on my lap. For the longest time I ran my fingers through her hair, trying to ease her pain by just simply being here for her. After what seemed like at least ten minutes, she began to quiet, only a small sniffle ebbing its way out every now and then.

"Are you alright?" I asked, sweeping the hair from her neck and exposing the soft, pale skin beneath. She angled her head and looked up to me, her eyes bloodshot and mildly puffy from crying so much.

She sniffled again and nodded, mumbling that she would be okay.

"Just...don't leave me," she whispered, grabbing onto my jeans and holding me to her in a death grip. "Please."

"Hey." I drew her face up with my hand guiding her and stared down at her, my face twisted in an array of emotions. "I'll never leave you," I vowed, "ever."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I believe you," she replied, and those three words said more than any others in the world. After everything we had been through, all the doubts and lies and insecurities, she finally and fully trusted me.

I could have sat there and stared into her eyes all day, but I wanted to get her out of here so she could try to forget about things and just relax for a bit. She'd spent the last few days sleeping on an uncomfortable hotel bed and I could imagine how much her body was screaming for a real bed.

After a while, she gathered enough clothes for the week, piling heaps of underwear and shirts and jeans into her bag before tossing a brush and some other toiletries in there.

"Grab your shampoo," I told her as she came back in and tossed make-up in the bag.

"Why? You don't have shampoo?"

"I do...I just – you smell different."

She furrowed her brows and brought her hair to her nose, inhaling and giving me a funny look.

"I don't smell bad?" She said more like a question than anything. "It's the hotel shampoo."

"I know, but I like the way you smelled before. It was strawberries, or...something," I muttered, feeling like a complete idiot. "Just grab the fucking shampoo."

"Do you like the way I smell?" She teased, coming to stand between my parted legs as I sat on her bed still.

"No," I growled, palming her ass with both hands as she gasped quietly, "I _love_ the way you smell."

I brought one of my hands to the zipper of her jacket, sliding it down and lifting the material of her shirt until her bra became exposed. It was the same, black, lacy one from yesterday and I groaned, flattening my tongue out against the rough material above her nipple before biting down gently.

"Edward!" She cried. "Jesus – I...we can't. Not here."

I ignored her and pulled the cup of her bra down with one finger, revealing her tight, pebbled flesh beneath the black. Her skin was warm, and the faint musk of sex still permeated from her because she had yet to shower since we'd been back. I took her nipple in my mouth and her head fell forward, resting on the top of mine.

"Fuck, Edward," she whimpered. "Please, stop."

Internally huffing I released her from my mouth, kissing the coral-tipped skin before covering her once more. I set her shirt back where it belonged and did her jacket up for her.

"Will you grab the damn shampoo?" I asked, not really irritated, just horribly aroused and sporting an unnecessarily eager hard-on.

_Seriously? You just got some this morning._

However, the erection wants what it wants, and as Bella walked away, swinging her fucking hips, I grumbled incoherently and threw myself down on her bed. Goddamn bodily reactions suck ass sometimes. Well, only if they're not attended to.

Bella tossed a bottle of strawberry shampoo and conditioner in her bag, zipping it up and hauling it over her shoulder with a groan. I offered to carry it for her but she was against the idea, stubbornly making her way down the stairs with a thirty-pound bag filled with clothes and other shit.

When we got to the door Bella called out to Renee that she was leaving and they exchanged a quick hug before we left. It was dark outside, and cold, the wind harsh against my face and hands as it rustled the forest around us, lifting leaves from the ground and sending them in a tornado of debris.

I ushered Bella to the car and took her bag from her, tossing it in the trunk and walking her around to the passenger side. I jogged around to the other side and started the car, shifting against the cold leather and cursing my car for having such unattractive qualities. Yes, the leather was awesome, and easy to maintain, but I could never win with it.

In the summer, it burned like a mother, and in the winter, it made my ass freeze. There was no winning against it.

The drive to my house was quiet with the exception of the radio, and Bella stared out the window the entire time, likely mulling over what happened not too long ago. When I parked behind Rose's Mustang Bella seemed to be jolted from her thoughts and smiled awkwardly at me before getting out and grabbing her bag from the trunk.

Inside the house, it was warm and inviting, and I quickly shrugged off my jacket to cease the involuntary shivers rolling through me.

"Go up to our room and I'll be there in a sec," I told Bella, bending down to kiss on the cheek.

"What?" She knit her brows together and her eyes searched my face for a minute before I did the same.

"Go up to our room," I repeated, "I'll be there in a sec. I just wanted to say goodnight to Esme."

An adorable smile pulled at her lips, and it was slight, but she blushed.

"You said 'our room,'" she replied, looking up to me through her eyelashes. I held my breath when I realized she was right. I had referred to it as 'our' room and not 'my' room. I exhaled with a laugh and shrugged, because it really was our room. She spent more than enough time in there as it was and I always thought of it as her space as well anyway.

"It is our room," I said, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. "I'll be up in a minute."

She grinned at me and headed up the stairs with her bag slung over her shoulder while I went down the hall to the living room. Esme and Carlisle were curled up on the couch. He was fast asleep, his head resting back on the cushions as Esme snuggled in his arms, watching CSI or something to that effect.

"Hey Esme," I whispered, leaning over the arm of the couch. "We're back. We're just going to head upstairs for the night."

"Oh, okay," she said with a smile. "How did things go at Bella's?"

I rolled my eyes. "As good as it could have, I suppose. We'll tell you about it tomorrow."

She nodded her head and we said goodnight to each other. I went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and from the back door, I could see the colours from the hot tub changing, lighting the back deck as steam rose out of it. I took a bottle from the fridge and hoped to God Emmett was bright enough to listen to what I told him.

I went back to my room and found Bella sitting in the middle of the bed, her hair piled atop her head again as she sat in my Strokes T-shirt and a pair of shorts. I could see the bruised spots on her neck, where I'd ravenously marked her, and couldn't help but smile. _I _did that to her.

She looked up to me and gave me a small, fleeting smile before it faded into something I couldn't quite understand. She scratched the side of her neck and stared at the bed as her fingers pulled at the covers.

"Is everything okay?" I asked apprehensively.

"Are we going to talk about the party?" She asked, almost like she wished she hadn't.

"Yes," I replied. "I told you we would, when we got back."

"I'm sorry, I'm just...nervous, I guess," she admitted sheepishly. "I...Edward that was – that night made me feel horrible. I never thought you'd do anything like that to me, ever."

"And you have no idea how much I wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass for doing what I did," I told her, walking over to the bed and taking her hand off the blanket. "I know I can't, but I will tell you why I was so...angry."

She made a spot for me beside her and I joined her, holding both her hands in mine as I began my explanation, starting with the fact that Carlisle called Chicago State Pen twice every year to make sure my father was still in AA meetings. Every time he called though, I think it was to ease his own mind, making sure that my father was still where he belonged, behind bars where he couldn't get to me.

I told her about the cancer and that he was slowly dying in the hospital. I told her that he didn't have long to live, a few months at most, and that I thought he deserved it. But when I thought more about it and confessed more to her, I broke down. I still didn't understand what I was supposed to do about the situation and for the life of me I couldn't grip why the fuck I cared so much.

"You...found this out the night of the – party?" Bella asked a hiccup and a sniffle sneaking through her words. I swallowed thickly and lifted my eyes from the bed to hers, nodding to confirm what she'd asked.

"I did."

"I can't...imagine what you were feeling that night," she admitted softly, shaking her head a tiny bit, reaching out to place her hand on my chest. "It's so much to take."

"It still is," I said. "I...I have no fucking clue, why the hell I care so much that he's dying. I should be happy...shouldn't I?"

"Edward you loved him, when you were a kid. He's your dad, and although he didn't take proper care of you, at all, he was the only one you had."

"But none of that matters!" I said, frustrated and aggravated. "What he did in the end should cancel out all the other shit. I might have loved him, but he _never _loved me."

"I know," she replied quickly, kneeling on the bed and crawling over to me. "I know. But Edward you can't help what you feel."

I slid my arms around her back and held her against me. I pulled her down on the bed with me, letting her tenderly stroke my hair as we lay there in silence. I was content to have someone with me that I could share everything with, a person that would be by my side through every hard and seemingly impossible obstacle.

The sense of relief that overtook me was something I couldn't ignore and I revelled in it, allowing for myself to relax despite the uncertainties I still had towards my dying father's situation.

However, when I thought over these past few days and tried to grasp my newfound connection with Bella, I realized that everything had changed. We were no longer two separate people, trying desperately to fix what we had, trying to find a way to simply _be. _Our reasons for being together had changed from basic need and love to something much, much deeper, and I questioned whether or not I truly loved her before with how I felt right now.

It was so strong and prominent that I knew nothing would ever sever the connection we had, no matter what they tried to do. We were _us, _and we could overcome anything, together.

**

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**A/N:** I love to hear what you all think, as always!

The song quoted at the beginning is called Teleport; A & B by Spill Canvas. I love them; they're honestly one of my favourite groups. It's a really good song, hell, the entire album is good.

Oh, and I'm not ripping on Wheat Thins! I was actually eating them while writing this, and although they do kind of taste like cardboard, I still eat them ; )

**Also, I have sort of made a split decision to do next week's chapter from Emmett and Rosalie's POV.** I did one for Alice and Jazz, and my brilliant beta Claire suggested I do one for them as well. So, next week, heads up for that. We will be switching to Em and Rose, but only for one chapter, then back to E and B.

Leave me some love! Then head on over to read chapter 18 of Spellbound!


	19. I'm Yours

**A/N: **Alright, I love you all, because last chapter I think I got more reviews than ever. Your words of encouragement are so kind...I really can't thank you enough.

I'll offer this chapter up as my thanks, then, to show you how much I appreciate it ; )

Emmett and Rose now, ya'll! It was a fun chapter to write, and I loved writing from everyone's POV. But I'm pretty sure from here on out it's just going to be E/B. I will most likely have less than 10 chapters left in this story as well, just so you know.

Thanks to Claire Bloom and dolphin62598 for being awesomely amazing, catching my silly mistakes and fixing the fact that I don't use commas as much as I should :P

Enjoy!

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"_**I know your type, boy you're dangerous**_

_**You're that guy; I'd be stupid to trust**_

_**But just one night couldn't be so wrong**_

_**You make wanna lose control"**_

**em.p.o.v**

"Atwood, are you coming?" Bella yelled from downstairs as I slid my shirt over my head hastily.

"Yes!" I hollered back angrily, because I was running particularly late due to yet another frustrating sexual fantasy of Rose dressed in nothing but a thong, her long, slender form sprawled out across my bed as I...

"Emmett, we're going to be late," Bella taunted her tone playful. I looked down to my traitor cock and shook my head, wishing – for once – that it wasn't _this _easy to get it up. I pulled my embroidered track and field jacket from my closet and grabbed my bag from the floor, taking off down the stairs while simultaneously trying to get the jacket on my shoulders.

When I got to the door Edward and Bella were laughing about something, and never in all the time they'd been together had I seen them so happy. When they got back yesterday, I could tell that Edward was different, that he had stuck by what he'd said and listened to me.

He had never been honest with me himself; I was still in the dark about what happened to him in the past, but I knew it was hard for him. He came to live with us with no other explanation from my parents than just that.

_Edward is living with us now, _my mom had said to me when he came.

At the time, I was fourteen; I didn't really care why he was there because I was just so happy that he was staying. I hadn't seen Edward in years, probably not since I was ten, but we talked often. As I got older and noticed Edward's drastic change in demeanour, I knew there was more to it then what my parents had told me.

I'd tried a few times to ask them what happened, why Edward had moved from Chicago to here, and what had happened to Uncle Edward. They never gave me answers though. They told me Edward would tell me when he wanted to, and until then, I should respect his decision to _not _tell me.

I did respect that decision, but even so, it got on my nerves a little that he still didn't trust me enough to tell me.

"About time," Edward said, shaking his head and opening the door, skewing my train of thought. "You're worse than Bella."

"Hey," she said, her voice offended, "I don't take long in the morning."

I laughed and closed the door behind me, turning around and bumping into the back of Edward.

"Uh, did the stairs disappear or something?" I asked, peering around him and wondering why in the fuck he was glued to the porch. Bella muttered something about stairs and I frowned, stepping around them and heading towards the Volvo. I didn't understand why stairs suddenly presented such a challenge for the two of them, but I wasn't one to question. Nothing about their relationship had ever been normal.

I slid in the back seat as Edward and Bella made their way to the car hand-in-hand, both looking equally humbled and vulnerable. When Bella got in, I suddenly remembered what she'd told me about her mom. It had spaced me last night, but she'd gone home. I wondered if she'd confronted her about the affair.

"Hey Coop," I said, sticking my head between the two front seats as Edward got in and closed his door.

"Yeah," she replied, turning slightly to face me.

"Did you talk to your mom about, you know..." I finished suggestively, somehow not able to find the words.

"I did," she said quietly, casting her eyes to her lap. "I told her to be honest with my dad and she said she was going to. They'll most likely get a divorce."

"Aw Coop," I said sympathetically, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek. She smiled softly, though it didn't touch her eyes.

"Thanks Em," she said, reaching up and patting the side of my face as Edward cleared his throat tersely.

"Oh calm down," I said, nudging his shoulder with mine. He was so protective of his relationship with Bella that it was nearly ridiculous. He knew I saw her as my little sister, yet he flipped when I did something small like kissing her on the cheek. I just shook my head; because I wished for the life of me that he would just fucking trust me already.

Edward sighed and nodded, giving me a tight smile before he backed out and headed to the school.

I rested back against the seat, lolling my head on my shoulders and listening to the music from the radio. The lights changed and Edward slammed on the brakes, his speed was way over what it should be, and I lurched forward, the deep red catching my eyes and making me think of Rosalie**. **

Anything and everything fucking reminded me of her. My blonde, leggy girlfriend monopolised my every thought, even when I spotted mundane things such as streetlights.

The shade of red taunting me from outside the car resembled the colour of lipstick Rose had worn one day last week. I loved it when her lips were bare and natural, but on the rare occasion that she did wear lipstick, I could barely control myself. The colour would seamlessly sit on her gorgeous pout and it was all I could do to stay still in my seat as she slipped her fucking straw between her teeth and sucked gently.

Edward put his foot to the pedal when the red changed to green, and I fell back against the seat once more, glaring daggers down at my crotch and adjusting myself uncomfortably.

It was wholly unnecessary how aroused I got from simply thinking about _any _part of Rose. No chick I'd met had ever had this effect on me, and to be going through a dry spell on top of it all...well, let's just say my libido was almost a completely separate entity by now. It was about to detach from my body and lunge at Rose the first chance it got.

However, I knew that Rose wanted to wait, and I was willing to do that for her, because she was worth it. I'd never found someone that I wanted to make happy before in a way that wasn't related to getting off, so it was difficult for me to control myself and do things right.

I could do it though; I would.

When we pulled into the lot, I snapped out of my haze and spotted Rose's Mustang almost instantly, following the cherry red with my eyes as Edward parked in his usual spot. I clambered out of the car with my bag and ventured away from Edward and Bella, heading over to Rose's car, nearly sprinting because I wanted to see her.

I slid in between a few cars on my way to get to her and stopped dead a car away from hers. The front, passenger door was wide open and Rose's perfect, denim-clad ass was sticking out of it as she knelt on the seat. My feet carried me forward involuntarily and the strain on my jeans from my cock was so uncomfortable I could barely stand it. All I could think about was pushing myself against her delectable backside and grinding into her, seeking the friction I so fucking desperately needed.

When I got to her, she was muttering things in _French_ for God's sake and I tightened my jaw, putting my hand on the roof of the car to steady myself.

"Rose," I said to her, trying with all my might to not push her inside and lock us both in there until _something _happened. I heard her gasp and she pulled back quickly, hitting her elbow on the side of the interior.

"Ouch," she muttered, pulling her head from the car and standing up, a bunch of shit in her hands.

"You okay?" I asked, leaning down and kissing her on her painted, groan-worthy lips.

Seriously, the woman was trying to kill me.

"I think so," she replied cutely, her face flushed and flustered from whatever she was doing. "I had my purse in the back seat and when I pulled in it spilled everywhere." She pouted then and my eyes were glued to her mouth and all the _red. _Fuck, there was so much I wanted that mouth to do to me, preferably, as she wore that lipstick.

"Emmett?" Rose said, her brows furrowing.

"Huh?" I asked, shaking my head and bringing myself back to the present.

"I said can you hold these?" She told me, as if she had said this to me once already.

"Yeah, sorry," I said, taking the pieces of paper and keys and other things she had in her hands. She smiled at me and ducked her head back in the car, her ass poking out again, staring me right in the face. I stifled the angered growl rising in my throat and took my eyes off her, looking up to the sky instead in an attempt to tame the erection trying to unzip my jeans and attack her.

_Sorry, little buddy, lack of opposable thumbs disables you._

It took Rose a few minutes to gather her things, and by that time, I had successfully kept my eyes from wandering back to her ass. That didn't mean I wasn't sporting massive wood, but still, I was proud of the minute amount of self-control I had.

She took the things from my hands and shoved them in her opened purse, throwing it over her shoulder and shutting the door. She turned to me and gave me a sexy smile, stepping up on her toes and wrapping her hand around the back of my neck.

"Morning," she drawled, the enticing, peppermint scent flowing from between her lips.

"Morning," I whispered back, placing both my hands on her waist and squeezing gently. She made the sweetest, little noise before her mouth was occupied with mine and she pressed herself firmly against me. I tried to pull back, to conceal my obvious arousal, but she felt it before I could react.

She responded to it the same way every time.

She pulled away, looking up to me innocently through her eyelashes and blushing a furious shade of crimson. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip and she glanced down between us, to where my cock was nudging her hip.

She always looked like she wanted to do something, as if she wanted to reach out and touch it, but she never did. She just blushed; apparently embarrassed that she got such a warm welcome from merely kissing me.

"I would say 'I'm sorry,' but we've been through this too many times," I said with a shrug, grinning and pulling her closer so she could feel what she did to me. "I can't control it."

"Emmett," she whispered, burying her face in the crook of my neck and pressing her lips to my throat. My fingers dug into her sweater harder and I had to push her away; it was too much for me to tolerate.

"You're torturing me," I said to her, my eyes connecting with hers. They flickered down to my mouth a few times before she bit her lip and nodded, pulling away from me.

"I'm sorry," she told me with a sad smile, and I knew she wasn't just apologizing for right now, she was apologizing for all of it.

"Don't be," I replied, shaking my head and bending down to kiss her right temple. "I understand."

She hummed softly, the sound quiet and melodic as she wrapped her arms around my torso and hugged me. I nestled my lips and nose in her hair, and the moment was so perfect that I felt my pulse quickening.

I wanted to tell her I loved her, right now.

"Rose?" I mumbled.

She replied with a small, "Hmm?" and sighed against my chest.

"I..." was cut off by the bell. Not _saved _by the motherfucking bell, cut off by the stupid prick. She pulled away from me and started rambling about being late before she tugged me towards the school by the hand.

_Well, so much for that plan._

______

I huffed in annoyance as I took my spot in my history class, dropping my bag to the floor after taking out my notebook. Rose placed her things on the table and unzipped her sweater, draping it around the back of her chair and shaking the long, wavy tresses from her shoulders.

For the first time since I'd been with her I took note of what she was wearing.

Tight, skinny jeans, black, knee-high boots and a tight, black shirt.

She honestly had _no _idea what she did to me. Hell, not just me, every guy in the room. I saw Tyler Crowley's eyes fixed on her ass as she bent down slightly to fix her boots and I glared daggers at him until he eventually looked up at me. My stare clearly told him 'fuck off, she's mine,' and his eyes went wide before he sat straight in his seat again, keeping his gaze on the front of the room instead of on my girlfriend's ass.

"Rose, sit down," I said in a strained voice as she continued to pick at something on her boots.

"But there's something..."

"Please," I begged, for her sake. Her eyes flew up to mine and she sat down quietly, crossing one long, beautiful leg over the other. I leaned over to her because I felt bad for using such a harsh tone when I was trying to save her from being ogled. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

She angled her head towards me and rolled her eyes.

"Tyler was staring at your ass," I confessed, hoping she'd understand why I was being so uptight. The blush spread up over her neck and cheeks, reddening the tip of her ear. I chuckled and brushed my thumb over the heated flesh as she sunk further in her seat. "I'm sorry. It was either you sit down, or I punch him in the face."

She turned to me and smiled, bringing her hand up from her side and gently stroking my chin with her fingers.

"You're amazing," she told me, her bright, green eyes captivating me. "Emmett –"

"Good morning class," a woman said from the front of the room and I frowned, wondering why _Mr. _Sienna sounded like a chick. Rose's hand dropped from my face as I turned my head and was met with our supply teacher. She kept talking, but all I could think about was the blonde hair on her head because it was so much like Rose's.

No matter where I fucking looked, I _saw her. _In front of me, beside me, even when I looked at Crowley I saw Rose, because I was reminded of why I was pissed at him.

I sat through the entire class, sexually frustrated and trying to ignore the phallic object stuck between Rose's dark, red lips. She'd been chewing on the end of a pen the entire time and I'd been trying in vain not to look at her. Needless to say, I was quite unsuccessful and seriously aggravated.

When the bell rang, Rose and I parted because we had separate classes. I suffered through Chem, thankfully without the constant images of Rosalie doing something very, very inappropriate to me because we had a lab to do.

By the time lunch came, I was thinking about her again, but I was recalling this morning, when I had been a heartbeat away from telling her that I loved her. I wished for the life of me that the bell hadn't gone because it had been the perfect opportunity, and I wanted to tell her so bad, because I meant it.

I could say – in all honesty – that she was the only girl I had ever been in love with; moreover I wanted her to know it, not just because I wanted sex, but because Edward was right. It was the only way I could show her how I truly felt. She'd know the significance because she knew about my sketchy track record, and from that I'm sure she could derive that none of them meant that much to me.

Alice was already in the cafeteria when I got there and so was Bella. I got in the lunch line and bought a sandwich, keeping my eye out for Rose because that's all I ever found myself doing anymore; watching her. I headed back to the table with my food and heard her before I even got there. She was laughing at something along with Alice, and Bella was smirking, shaking her head at the two of them as I approached.

"What's funny?" I asked, taking my seat next to Rose.

"Nothing," they all answered, in perfect unison. I chuckled at how they all answered in sync and started eating my sandwich, listening as the girls chattered idly about nothing that important. Edward came a few minutes later and took a spot next to Bella, in a much brighter mood since the last time we'd been here, actually smiling.

I leaned back in my chair once I was done eating and watched everyone else, but mostly my eyes were fixed on Rose. I mean, when were they not?

She took a long swig of her water after finishing her homemade sandwich and sifted through her plastic bag for something else. She pulled a peach from it, smoothing her lips over the surface before taking a sizable mouthful that had _me _salivating.

I could just imagine the softness of the skin, so much like hers; so firm and sweet and biteable. I never knew watching someone as they ate a peach could be so erotic, but as she continually bit into the fruit, my cock grew harder. At one point a tiny bit of the juice fell from her lips, through the corner of her mouth, and my tongue was aching to lick it away, to just lick every single inch of her until she was satisfied.

Her tongue beat me to the punch though, and I was abruptly shaken from my daze when something hit me on the side of the head. I turned to the culprit – Bella – and she raised her eyebrows at me suggestively, shaking her head. She had thrown the end of a French fry at me and I picked it up, rifling it back at her and hitting her tit.

She gave me one of those 'do you want to die?' type of looks and I winked at her before turning my attention back to my erotic fruit eater, only to see that she was done. I was thoroughly disappointed that the show was over, but when she leaned back as well and puffed out her chest, inhaling deeply, I watched in fascination. Her tits were perfectly suited to her chest, and words cannot express how badly I just wanted to reach out and cup them in my hands and thumb her nipples. I had a dire urge to do it last night when we were in the hot tub because her bathing suit left very little to my over-active imagination. The cold air mixing with the heat of the tub made her nipples _hard, _like, hard enough to cut glass, hard.

My restraint was waning, and each day I fell more in love with her, the harder it got for me to keep my hands off her.

Every time I looked at her, it turned into an erotic fantasy. Every time I touched her, it became electric. It was wearing me down in what was either the best or worst way possible, and I didn't know how much longer I would be able to put up with it.

Again, the bell annoyingly called to me, bringing me from my dirty, amazingly arousing thoughts of Rosalie and telling me it was fucking time to suffer through another class with a hard-on as I imagined her sucking on the end of a pen.

Alice flitted to her next class first as Rose, Edward, Bella, and I headed to their trig class. Edward kissed Bella at the door before he left to go to his calc class and Rose was smiling at them, ignoring me completely.

"I'm so happy they've sorted things out," Rose said softly, threading her fingers through mine and squeezing gently.

"Me too," I said honestly, nodding my head. "About time he did something right."

"You shouldn't be so hard on him Em," she told me. "He's trying."

"I know," I sighed, my mood sour from just about everything that was happening in this town right now.

"I'll see you after?" She asked cutely, her red lips curling into a sexy grin. I groaned quietly and nodded again, bending down to kiss her. I couldn't help myself and deepened it, tilting my head and tasting the sweetness of her mouth with my tongue. She made a small, sexy sound and I held her tighter around the waist, pulling her against me.

I was sure she could feel me, in all my arousal, but I didn't care.

She moaned softly once more and pressed herself further against me, before backing off completely. The apples of her cheeks, to my shock and surprise, were not stained with her blush. She didn't bite her lip or get embarrassed; she simply cast her eyes down to the source of the hardness, her hands firmly gripping my hips.

I stood still as a statue, holding her gaze when she looked back up to me, a slight smirk brightening her face.

Before I could read too much into it, though, she leaned up and kissed me chastely on the lips, ducking into the classroom with a quick 'goodbye.'

I stared at the door until the second bell rang, trying to burn a hole through the wood with my confused and angered gaze. I eventually headed off to my next class, not sure whether to curse Rosalie Hale or to worship her. My mind quickly went to the dark side and said 'worship her,' which was my thought exactly.

My last two classes dragged, as usual. By the time the bell rang to signal the end of the day my brain was physically exhausted from thinking about Rosalie so much, and my persistent erection was begging for his release. I appeased him and told him he'd get it soon, once we got home and Rose wasn't near us anymore.

I would delude myself for the umpteenth time into picturing Rose's hands wrapped around my cock instead of mine, only to find that I never got the full satisfaction I craved. It seriously felt like I was just discovering the joys of masturbation for the first time, with how much I performed said act. It was ridiculous, but entirely necessary, lest I attack Rosalie and force myself on her, which is not something I wanted to happen.

I headed to the Volvo when school was done and leant up against the side of the car, waiting for Bella and Edward to arrive. I waited a few minutes before Rosalie came down the stairs, her sleek, black, sexy boots connecting hard with the pavement each time she took a step. The sound was almost musical, playing a key role in my newest fantasy where Rose was dressed in nothing but the boots, her legs spread wide open for me.

"Hey, so Bella asked me if I could drive you home because she has a meeting with a guidance counsellor," Rose said to me when she got close. "Edward's waiting for her since she doesn't have the truck."

"Oh," I said, bobbing my head forward. "Alright."

I followed her to the Mustang, forcing my eyes from her swaying hips and trying with desperation to focus them on something that wasn't _her. _Thank God the walk wasn't that far because I didn't know how much longer I could recite the periodic table of elements without getting bored out of my mind and giving in to the way her body was calling to me.

I tossed my bag into the back seat of her car and climbed in the passenger side as she got in and started the engine. The drive to my house was filled with a charged silence, something that had me on edge the entire time because of how much of a pull she had on me. I spent the entire five-minute ride trying to think of ways to fuck her in this car.

I thought of everything.

Whether or not the back seat was too small, whether or not the seats reclined back all the way, and how it would work if I bent her over the console instead and fucked her from behind.

Of course, when we got to the house I was, surprise, hard as steel. I shifted uncomfortably and adjusted myself for what felt like the thirtieth time today and Rose turned to me, smiling beautifully.

"Thanks for the ride," I told her with a grin, leaning over and kissing her.

"You're welcome," she mumbled against my lips, sighing and sending her peachy breath across my face. I gently cupped the side of her face with each of my hands, brushing my thumbs along the smooth, flawless skin, not even thinking about the words before I said them.

"I love you."

**r.p.o.v**

My lids fluttered open in astonishment, staring into the eyes of Emmett, wondering if I'd just heard him say that he _loved me. _

"What?" I asked quietly, my breath escaping me.

"I love you, Rosalie," he repeated, dragging his thumb over the line of my jaw and ghosting it across my lips. My breathing faltered, shaky stutters coming out instead of actual air before I lunged at him. I'd never actually lunged at anyone before, but what I did to Emmett, I would consider a lunge. I threw myself at him, over the console, frantically moulding his lips to mine in an attempt to express what I was feeling.

His arms wrapped around my back and he reciprocated my passionate kisses with equally as urgent kisses of his own.

"I...love...you, too," I told him between kisses, trying to hold myself up in what might be the most awkward position I've been in. My right hand was perched on the console while the other rested behind Emmett on the glass of the window; the air from outside was chilling my palm so I took it away, hitting Emmett's leg before I found purchase on the seat. I shifted forward a bit, my hand sliding further and hitting the denim of Emmett's jeans, connecting with something hard.

I pulled back and glanced down, to where my hand was grazing the space between Emmett's thighs. I could see his erection pressing forcefully against his jeans and I gasped, looking up to him quickly before swallowing my fears and sliding my hand over top of it.

"Rose," Emmett whimpered, his fingers tangling into the hair at the back of my head as his lips grazed the shell of my ear. "I didn't say that so you'd touch me."

"I know," I replied, palming the front of his jeans with a bit more force because his hips were lifting ever so slightly, trying to push me closer. "But I want to, Emmett. I'm ready."

He put his hand on my wrist and halted my movements, pulling his face away from me and drowning me in his deep, brown gaze.

"You're..."

"I want you to make love to me," I whispered, tearing my eyes from his because I was embarrassed by my confession. Hearing Emmett's declaration of love, knowing that he felt the exact same way as me, made my insides swell and churn. I felt that burning, bubbling desire deep in my stomach where I always felt it when I was around Emmett, but my heart was reacting now too, reacting to the fact that it knew Emmett truly loved me.

I loved him as well, more than I could possibly express with words, which is why I wanted to show him. I wanted to give him what he so obviously wanted, not just to please him, but to give myself to him; fully. I wanted to be _his, _in every sense of the word.

"Are...Rose are you sure?" He asked, being the most gentle, careful creature on this earth as he stroked my wind-whipped hair with his fingers.

"I'm sure," I said, exhaling slowly. "I want to be with you, Emmett, I love you."

His breathing accelerated, and he said, "I love you too," before his lips were insistent on mine once again. This time, something changed, like both of our bodies were physically conscious of what was about to happen.

"I...in-side," Emmett stuttered between kisses, pointing out the windshield towards his house. I nodded coyly and shut off the car, heading out with Emmett. We hurried up the steps and he fumbled with his keys, eventually opening the door and ushering me into the warmth of the house. He set his bag down near the hall table and kicked off his shoes, slinging his track jacket around the banister as I struggled to get my tight boots from my feet.

It took me a few minutes and Emmett patiently waited, not saying a word, but locking the door before we went upstairs to his room. When he closed the door behind us, my insides tangled in my nervousness. I had no idea what I was doing.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked, wrapping his strong, muscled arms around me from behind, crossing them over my collarbone. I tried to calm my breathing as I nodded and turned my head to smile at him.

"I'm just nervous," I admitted. "I...Emmett, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"I know," he murmured, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to my neck. "Don't worry about it, I'll help you." His warm breath fanned out over my throat and I angled my head away, allowing him to explore more of my skin as his hands ventured away from my collarbone. They dropped, drawing the zipper down as they passed over my chest.

I shrugged out of my sweater, letting it fall to a pile on the ground as Emmett's hands held my hips, pressing my backside firmly against the erection he was sporting. Feeling how aroused he was made me even more nervous because I had never seen one before in my life. I hoped to God I would be able to please him with my lack of knowledge in this area, but something told me Emmett would stick by what he'd said.

He'd help me.

The twisting of my gut continued when Emmett's hands slid beneath my shirt, slowly lifting it as my knees shook in my anxiousness. I raised my arms above my head and he pulled the shirt off, casting it aside and placing his lips on my bare shoulder.

"If you want me to stop, Rose, just tell me," he said, his palms warming my sides as he gently ran them along my skin. I was touched by how caring and gentle he was being, and rather than listening to his words, I only heard the tenderness. It made me want him even more.

I turned in his arms, hooking my fingers under the hem of his shirt and peeling it from him, tossing it behind me as my eyes raked over his muscular form. I loved how toned Emmett was, that he kept his body in shape, because it appealed to me like honey to a bee. It was a brazen thought, but I desperately wanted to kiss and lick every dip and curve of his chest to show him how much I appreciated it.

When his shirt was off, I slid my finger through his belt loop, tugging him with me towards the bed as I took measured steps backwards. I sat down when my knees hit the edge of the mattress and Emmett knelt in front of me, his hands on either side of me as he leaned forward. Our noses grazed and his lips were on mine sweetly, massaging them and giving them a fiery ache that was so pleasurable, I moaned quietly.

Emmett's hands slowly lifted and he manoeuvred the button on my pants until it was undone and the zipper was down all the way. We parted and I shifted my hips several times, as he tried to be gentle in tugging them off me. They were a tight pair of jeans but they were my favourite.

I helped him when he got them lower and pulled them from around my ankles, dropping them on the floor and sitting bashfully in front of Emmett, wearing nothing but my undergarments. I wanted to cover myself up because I was slightly embarrassed, but the dark lust in Emmett's eyes was so powerful that I couldn't feel anything except my heightened arousal.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered affectionately, his hands lightly skimming the outside of each thigh. I shivered from his welcome touch, sliding further along the comforter until I was at the very edge. I reached down and began working on undoing his pants, my hands trembling ever so slightly again with the nervousness I seemed to be unable to shake.

He stood up when I'd finished, sliding the jeans off his body and pushing them to the floor. The definition around his hips and lower abdomen was so delicious I wanted to pay homage to it with my tongue as well. I felt my cheeks burning from my dirty thoughts and looked up at Emmett just before he lay me down on his bed, coaxing me backwards so he could position himself over top of me.

My heart was racing with my thoughts and my breaths were short and rapid as I tried to overcome my nerves.

"Are you scared?" He asked me, gazing down to my chest and drawing imaginary circles with his fingers over the swell of my breast. My eyes fluttered closed from the calming sensation sweeping through me and I shook my head.

"I'm not scared," I replied, arching my back to push his hand closer. "I'm just...inexperienced."

He slid his hand around my rib cage, toying with the clasp of my bra and flicking it open. The tension eased on my shoulders and I wiggled out of the bra, throwing it behind Emmett and looking up at him with hot cheeks as he admired my chest.

"I'm glad nobody else has had the pleasure of this view," he murmured, bending his neck and putting his mouth between my breasts. His steady exhales sent a tremor rolling through me, raising the hairs on my body and covering my skin with goose bumps. I felt my nipples tightening as well, and Emmett's deep groan sounded in the room before his lips surrounded the puckered flesh.

I gasped as his teeth grazed me, struggling against him, kicking my legs because the sensation was more than I'd ever imagined. It was arousing and when his tongue gently stroked my nipple, I felt the wetness dampening my panties. I knew they would be ruined.

He released the one and went over to the other, sucking and biting it so hard that I found myself making horrifically obscene noises.

"_Oh mon Dieu_," I whispered, sliding my hand up his back and scratching my nails into his short hair. His lips and teeth stopped their pleasuring and he looked up to me from my chest, his eyes dark and impossibly sexy**. **

"What did you say?" He asked, his hands roughly tugging at the bed sheets so he could pull himself up into a position where he towered over me. I gazed up at him timidly as he was crouched above my knees, holding onto my hips firmly, looking as if he were trying to win some sort of internal battle.

"I said '_oh mon Dieu_?'" I told him more like a question than anything, because I didn't understand why he was reacting in such a way. He groaned and started sliding my panties off, easing them from my feet and discarding them. While he was standing, he rid himself of his boxers, and when he stood before me, naked, I couldn't even breathe.

He was so perfect, and so _big, _I wasn't even sure he'd fit.

I threw my head down on the bed, muttering 'oh mon Dieu' over and over again, shaking my head because of how nervous and worked up I was.

"Rose," he said, his weight sinking down on the bed as he re-joined me.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, turning my head to him.

"What do you keep saying?"

"It means 'oh my God,'" I told him honestly, biting down on my lip.

"Why?" He asked as I leaned up on my elbows, trying to get closer to him as he lay on his side, facing me.

"Because..." I trailed off, looking up and down the length of his body once more, my eyes lingering on what was possibly the most arousing thing I'd ever laid eyes on; Emmett's manhood. He was so large and hard that I found myself wanting to touch him despite the fact that I had no clue what I would even do with it.

"Because...?" He repeated and I looked back up to his face, blushing as he smirked at me. He caught me ogling his man parts and I giggled a little before lying down on the bed again.

"Emmett, I don't think that's going to fit," I said, my face heating as I pointed towards his crotch. He chuckled adorably, his face coming into my view as he reclaimed his position over top of me.

"Believe me," he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek, "it will fit."

I found that my lungs were failing me again and I nodded stupidly, hoping he was right because I certainly wasn't sure I'd be able to adapt to his size.

"Emmett, can I touch you?" I asked shyly as I felt the tip of his erection nudging the inside of my thigh.

"Rose, you can do whatever you like," he replied, brushing an errant tendril of hair from my face. "Just don't do something you aren't comfortable with."

I nodded again and brought my hand between our bodies, wrapping it around Emmett's hardness and feeling his warm skin. His breath covered my face as I slowly and uncertainly moved my hand down, and he closed his eyes, his mouth hanging open in the shape of an 'o.'

"Am I doing something wrong?" I asked, unsure as to whether or not I was doing this properly.

"That's good," he breathed, his eyes opening and boring into mine. "Perfect."

I blushed again and pumped him in my hand more firmly, feeling Emmett's frame shaking above me. His hand skimmed my thigh and rested right at my pelvic bone.

"Can I touch you?" He asked, repeating my words, his muscled arm straining to hold up his weight.

"Yes," I replied, mouthing the word more than saying it. His fingers dipped down over the aroused skin and I bucked my hips into his hand as they brushed the wetness pooling there.

"Why are you so _bare_?" He growled, more like he enjoyed this fact rather than being angry about it as he brushed his fingers over my sensitive, responsive flesh. I gasped and gripped the back of his neck tighter, working my other hand slowly so I didn't do something wrong.

"I...used to do dance, back home," I explained, trying to take everything in at once. "I had my legs waxed frequently...for better aerodynamics." Emmett's fingers sunk lower, to where my entrance was and he gently pushed them inside.

"Oh!" I shouted, my hand falling from Emmett's erection so I could fist it in the blanket.

"Hurt?" He asked cautiously, stilling his movements.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head, "it's different. Good though."

"Okay," he replied with a smile, bending down to kiss my lips softly. "Can you finish telling me why you're waxed?"

I smirked but it was quickly replaced with a contorted mixture of pleasure and discomfort as Emmett's fingers penetrated me further.

"Once, when I got my legs done, the woman was doing half price bikini waxes," I explained, tightening my hold on the blanket. "I did it, and I liked it. So I keep it that way."

He grinned at me, rubbing his thumb against the swollen bud as his fingers worked me from inside.

I cried out again, not sure whether to relish in the pleasure or acknowledge the pain. I tried to force it from my mind, but I knew when he was inside me for the first time it would hurt much more than this.

"If you want me to stop, Rose, just tell me," he said, grazing his lips over my cheek. "By the way, I'm glad you wax. You'll be able to feel more."

I moaned loudly as his thumb pressed further against me, emphasizing his words; that I would feel more when I was bare.

"Emmett," I whimpered, wiggling my hips in an effort to get even closer to him. "Please, make love to me."

His forehead rested heavily on my cheek as he slowly removed his fingers from me, shifting his weight to put him where he was needed.

"It will hurt," he warned, kissing the side of my jaw.

"I know," I replied, nodding my head. "But I want you, Emmett. The hurt will go away, right?"

"Yes," he said assuredly, lifting his face so his eyes met mine. "I promise. It will hurt first though, before it feels better."

"Okay," I said with a nod, more than ready for this to happen. "Okay."

"Okay," he repeated quietly. He bent down and took my lips with his, sucking gently on my bottom lip as he pressed the tip of his erection against my entrance. He slid in slowly, stretching me further than I thought possible as I took in his length. The pressure and intensity of the feeling was so overwhelming and minutely painful that I gasped uncontrollably, digging my fingernails into Emmett's back and the blanket.

"Rose," he whimpered, his arms shaking when he was fully inside me. "Are...you okay?"

"I think so," I replied breathlessly as he slowly began rocking his hips against mine, pulling out slowly before sheathing himself once again. The pain was uncomfortable for the first minute or so, particularly as I tried to adjust to how big he was, but once the discomfort subsided, it felt really, really good. I angled my hips, trying to get him to go faster without verbalizing it, but he kept his consistency.

"Emmett?" I said, digging my heel into the bed and pushing off, trying to get him deeper.

"Yeah?" He asked, his slow, antagonizing movements spurring my arousal to the point where I was practically seething with the need to feel him go faster.

"Can you go faster?" I asked, and surprisingly, I didn't blush at the question.

His throaty groan affected me in ways I can't begin to describe as he increased his pace, the length of him rubbing against my clit so lightly that my legs gently twitched with the intensity. My entire body shook when Emmett's fingers worked my tender skin and I shouted profanities in my native tongue, unable to keep the desire inside me any longer.

I unravelled with the pleasure, never thinking I would feel something this raw and passionate with someone I loved so much. I felt on the verge of tears because it was so perfect and romantic, to be so close with Emmett, but when he sped up further, I couldn't be bothered with my sappy emotions; all I felt was him.

Being with him in such a way was more than I'd even imagined. To be consumed by him so completely was euphoric, and how he made me feel was as if it were only me he saw. It was like nobody else mattered, and he would be content for the rest of his days if we were the only two people that existed.

When Emmett was nearing his climax his thrusts became shallow and his pace quickened further, coaxing loud and offensive sounds from my throat when the pleasure overtook me again.

He collapsed on top of me and we lay there, a mess of limbs, desperate to regain our frantic breaths.

I sighed as he rested his head on my chest and looked up to me.

"_Oh mon Dieu_."

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** Yeah, didn't give you warning : ) I thought it would be more fun that way. Thoughts...? You know it – I love to hear them!

The song quoted at the beginning is one I could put on repeat all day and never get bored of; Cobra Starship's Good Girls Go Bad. I don't know what it is about that one and Hot Mess, but I just could listen to them endlessly. I'm weird like that.

Alright, a quick notice for **next week's post. **I will **not **be posting on Saturday, because this next week will be very hectic school-wise and I work Saturday afternoon. I will post either that night (if I'm feeling ambitious) or I will post **Sunday morning. **

I'm kinda peeved about this, but I don't want to over-work myself into having a mental breakdown. I hope you all understand and tune in Sunday for more E and B!

Leave some love : )


	20. Different

**A/N: **Hey everyone, I'm so sorry this was a little bit later than I intended. I wanted it to be up earlier this morning, but I wasn't quite ready to post it yet, due to some serious hindrances in the writing department. I seem to be having some troubles, I've had a really rough day.

I have one small rec to make, really quickly. I've just recently started to beta two fairly new fics. One is called **Welcome to Fucks **by twilam. Another is one called **Sinful Thoughts **by readingmama. Both in the early stages of writing, but promising fics! Check them out if you'd like, they're on my profile under faves.

Anyway, here it is, back to Bella this chapter. **Just for clarification**, this is her account of Monday (the day they go back to school after the weekend she ran away). So, it's the same day that Rose and Emmett's POV is of, just from Bella. I promise it's not repetitive.

Thanks to my awesomely amazing betas who I could not survive without. Claire, you are a life saver and catch all my awkwardly worded sentences and tell me what's what. I hate my life trying to correct everything, but it's worth it. And Jess, I'm sure you add more commas than you'd like to admit, haha. You also catch all my pesky preps and tell me when something just doesn't work. You guys = my loves. You're great.

Enough of my rambles.

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**This time we're not giving up**_

_**Let's make it last forever**_

_**Screaming, hallelujah**_

_**We'll make it last forever"**_

**b.p.o.v**

When I awoke, it was to the sound of the alarm, annoyingly and angrily buzzing at me to get the hell out of bed. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and Edward's arms mimicked my movements, constricting around my chest as he quietly growled.

His nose and mouth were buried in my hair, and the comforting warmth of his breath on my skin almost made me forget about the alarm. However, the noise got impossibly louder and more overbearing before Edward rolled over and smacked the top of the clock, leaving us in a peaceful silence.

"Much better," he mumbled, reclaiming his previous position and nuzzling his nose against my exposed, hickey-infested throat. He kissed the skin gently and I hummed in contentment, trying to shift in his arms so I was facing him.

"No," he grumbled, shaking his head and knocking it against mine. "More sleep." He held me in place and moulded himself to me from behind, pressing his morning glory right into my lower back, just above my ass.

"Oh," I gasped, smiling playfully and twisting my neck so I could see his face. "I think someone disagrees with sleep."

He muttered something incoherently, and his sleepy eyes were still closed as he parted his lips and pressed them along the column of my neck once again. I sighed as he placed a trail of lazy kisses just below my ear, being innocent in his affections rather than forceful. When his lips, warm and wet, chastely kissed my ear lobe, he stopped, brushing his nose along the edge of my jaw.

"Go back to sleep," he said, fingering the fabric of my shirt absent-mindedly. I protested, my soft moan trying to disagree with Edward because we had been awoken by the _alarm. _We never woke up late enough to hear from the annoying contraption because Edward was like a rooster. He was _always _up before me, and had usually showered by this time.

My eyes snapped open at my realization.

He had slept in this morning, and he didn't want to get up now.

_He wants to go back to bed._

He told me he could never fall asleep again after he awoke.

I turned my head abruptly and Edward groaned, rolling over and throwing his forearm over his eyes. I shifted slightly and my top half hovered above him while my legs were still tangled in his.

"Why do you want to go back to sleep?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders and peeled his arm from his eyes, squinting at me in the dark. "I don't know," he replied, his eyebrows furrowing and making him look so tired, it was absolutely adorable. "Sleepy I guess." His mouth opened in a yawn and I smiled down at him, watching as he closed his eyes once more and nuzzled his face against the pillow.

"You're never sleepy," I stated, reaching over with my hand and smoothing his hair out of his face. The erratic strands stayed put once I moved them, sitting crazily on top of his head so I could see his features, cast in shadow by the moonlight.

"I think..." He started, yawning again, "it's because I feel so...happy." A small, wistful smile came onto his face and he lay there in contemplation, before continuing. "I always had shit running through my mind, it was harder to sleep. Now...I don't know..."

His eyes were still closed as he explained everything to me, rocking his head back and forth and making subtle facial expressions as he spoke. My heart was absolutely soaring with the small, but honest details he was giving me. The Edward of before would have tightened his jaw and given me a hard stare, telling me it was 'nothing,' when really, it was everything. Now he was simply honest, telling what was what, no matter how small or big it was.

I was so happy I almost fucking cried.

"What's wrong? He asked, his hand sliding gently up my back and soothing me through the material. I hadn't realized his eyes had opened as my thoughts consumed me, but he was frowning at me, questioning why I looked like I was about to bawl.

"Nothing," I assured him with a big smile, leaning down to kiss his lips. "Just...happy."

I felt him smiling against me and he sighed, pressing his fingers into my back and holding my lips with his so I had to get closer. I sunk down off my elbow and my shoulder slid perfectly under his armpit, nestling right into his side, as if our bodies were fitted for that exact position. Minutes passed and we did nothing but lie there, kissing and cuddling in our newly awakened states. It was soft and sweet, and I feared that if we didn't get up soon, we'd both fall back asleep, which would make me miss more school than I already had.

I opened my eyes and Edward's were closed again, his lips slightly parted now, as his breaths were long and deep. I leant forward and nudged his nose with mine, earning a muffled protest from him as he licked his lips and groaned.

"Time to get up," I whispered, kissing his pouted, bottom lip. His eyes peeled open in what seemed like the most laborious task of his life. He looked so tired and confused that it was somewhat humbling; to see him in such a state, so vulnerable, gave me a sense of normalcy. I mean, I wasn't a person you could likely call 'normal,' nor was my relationship with Edward anything close, but for us, it felt normal. It was as if this is the way it should always be.

A feeling I couldn't quite grasp ran through me and Edward's eyes brightened at the stupid smile I involuntarily had on my face.

"I don't even care what has you so happy at this hour," he said with a chuckle, arching his back, consequently pressing his chest into me, as he stretched. "I'm just glad to see you smiling."

His lazy gaze rested on me and I laughed in return, pressing a kiss to his lips again before stretching. We clambered out of bed at our own pace, dragging our feet into the bathroom and showering. We may have spent a _little _bit longer than necessary in the shower.

Okay...we may have stayed in there until the water was cold, sue me.

I still had enough time once we were done to properly dry my hair, courtesy of the hair dryer Esme let me borrow. Edward watched me as I attempted to tame the sopping mop on my head, laughing at me when I bent forward and let my hair hang down, drying it as gravity worked its magic as well. Once I was done, I dressed in my favourite pair of holey jeans and threw a grey, long-sleeved shirt over my head.

"Uh," Edward said, staring blatantly at my chest as I walked from the bathroom, pushing my dried hair from my face.

"What?" I asked, adjusting the shirt before looking down and seeing my problem. Hmm, I seemed to have forgotten that I put on a red bra this morning, and the shirt was fairly fucking see-through. "Huh," I mused, giggling after.

"You're changing," he said with authority in his voice, putting on his favourite brown jacket and picking up his bag. "Or you're not going to school."

I crossed my arms over my chest and stood there, staring at him, until he looked up from the floor and met my gaze.

"Is that so mother?" I asked sarcastically. He put his bag down and shook his head, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth as he slowly stalked over to me. I felt intimidated by him for some reason and backed up against the wall, my face flushing from how sexy he looked, treating me as if I were his prey and he was the dangerous predator.

"I believe," he started, gripping me firmly by the waist, "that you told me you were mine?"

My eyes flew up to his and I bit down on my lip, nodding to affirm what he'd said.

"You should know by now that I don't like to share you, Bella," he continued, the sharp edge of his hip digging into my stomach as he pressed himself closer to me. He leant down and his eyes were level with mine, so much raw emotion and a hint of humour flooding them. "You're mine, and so is all this." He motioned to my breasts and the rest of my body, my breath turning hard and laboured with his incredibly arousing monologue.

"Now," he said with a slight, sexy drawl, "I don't want anyone else but me to see what's under that shirt." He lifted his fingers to the low neck of my thin shirt and pulled it down a bit, revealing the very top of my bra. "I wouldn't want you to give Newton any more incentive for wanting to fuck you than he already has."

"I'm..." I tried to hold onto my train of thought as Edward's lips descended to the middle of my chest. "I'm not trying to."

He chuckled darkly, snagging his teeth on my skin before he lifted his face. "Your tits are screaming for attention," he whispered, alternating his gaze between them and my face. "Now, please, go change before the entire school gets a peek at what's _mine._"

I released the breath I hadn't known I was holding in a ragged exhale, making Edward smile seductively before he released his hold on me. I quickly composed myself, trying to keep my eyes from wandering back to him as I quietly changed from my grey shirt to a black one instead. I walked back into his room and he was sitting on his bed, his head angled towards me and a playful smirk plastered on his face.

"Thank you," he said genuinely, standing up and meeting me at the door. "This way only _I_ know that you've got that fucking red bra on under there." His words were low and the confidence he had shone through them. I looked up to him and smiled, feeling a familiar heat rising inside myself as his eyes raked over my new choice of shirt.

"Yes, Edward, only you know what's under there," I replied, kissing the side of his jaw and leaving the room.

On the way down the hall, Edward pounded on Emmett's door and told him we'd be downstairs. Before we proceeded to tackle said stairs, I gave him a worried stare and he squeezed my fingers tight, pulling me down behind him. I knew it was stupid to be worked up over a flight of stairs that he'd successfully gone up and down countless times, but I couldn't help it. It worried me.

"Do we honestly have to do this every time?" He asked softly, pulling me into a hug once we were in the front hall. I buried my face in his jacket and took in his scent; it was a mixture of him and the heavenly smell his jacket was providing me with.

"I just...worry," I said shrugging my shoulders. "I know it's irrational and stupid," I continued, looking up to him, "but I can't stop being paranoid."

"Don't get worked up over it," he whispered back, bending down and pushing my hair over my shoulder, showing him the masterful artwork he created on my neck. "I'm so...grateful, that you care about me so much."

"Edward, I love you," I told him, pulling him closer by fisting my hand around his jacket. "You know that."

"I do," he replied with a tight smile. "But I don't deserve you." His fingers brushed against my pleasantly bruised flesh and he sighed. "I never have."

"I think everyone deserves happiness," I said quietly, kneading my fingers into the worn fabric of his jacket. "If being with me makes you happy...then you deserve it, Edward. Don't give me all this 'I'm not worthy' crap because I'm not going to buy it. You're the only one I want to be with, so shut it...and kiss me." I ended with a small smile and he shook his head before doing as I said.

"This time it will be different," he told me, speaking with his lips against mine. "I promise."

I nodded with my eyes closed, replying with the most sincere words I could, "I believe you."

"Thank you," he whispered, tenderly stroking his tongue along my bottom lip. The motion gave me the shivers and we were peaceful for a few moments, when I suddenly realized Emmett still wasn't hauling ass down the fucking stairs yet.

"Atwood, are you coming?" I yelled, giggling when Edward nipped playfully at my throat.

After a few seconds Emmett's angry reply of, "Yes!" came at me from upstairs and I made a face of mock fear at Edward as we both laughed. Emmett had been so tense lately because of his feelings for Rose. He loved her, which was no news flash to me, but still, he was having issues with it. He didn't know how to tell her or what to do about it because he'd never had those kinds of feelings for a girl before. It was a little funny, I'm not going to lie, but I felt bad.

Emmett was in love and he was confused about how to just come out and tell her.

However, I found it funny to toy with him, as did Edward.

"Emmett, we're going to be late," I said in a playful tone, taunting him and laughing afterwards. I was being a bitch, but I didn't care. I knew if our roles were reversed Emmett would be teasing me much worse than what I was doing to him. It was just the way we worked. We picked on each other like siblings would.

"He's going to be fuming," I remarked with another laugh as Emmett's door upstairs shut and he came barrelling down the stairs. Edward chuckled too and when Emmett was to the front door, he looked flustered and seriously aggravated.

"About time," Edward said, pulling away from me and taking just my hand. "You're worse than Bella."

"Hey," I replied, offended that he'd say such a thing when he _knew _I didn't take that long to get ready. He knew half the time it was because of our uncontrollable hormones that we were late, not because it took me forever. "I don't take long in the morning."

He winked at me and towed me outside, when I stopped dead in front of the stairs, contemplating them with a frown on my face. Edward jerked forward a bit and Emmett questioned why we were stopped, shrugging it off without a second thought and continuing on to the Volvo.

"Seriously," Edward muttered, shaking his head and smiling down at me. "You have to stop with this."

"I'm not making any promises," I grumbled as we headed down the stairs and towards the car. He let my hand go and took our bags, putting them in the trunk as I got in the passenger's side. Emmett asked me about my mom and I felt my insides twisting a bit with the remembrance of yesterday. While I knew I wanted my mom to be honest with my dad, I was scared about them getting a divorce. I had no idea what to expect when everything fell apart.

I mean, who would get the house? Would one of them leave the town? Where would they go?

I swallowed thickly.

Who would I live with?

I got along easier with my mom and fought with my dad most of the time, but I didn't know if I could just up and leave him. His words from yesterday really struck something deep inside of me.

_You're my baby girl._

I tried so hard to hold in my tears because I'd never seen my father so emotional before in my life. He was only trying to protect me like any father would.

I shook myself from my thoughts and replied to Emmett, telling him they'd likely get a divorce before Edward started the car and headed to school. I smirked on the way there because of my and Emmett's little exchange and how much it irked Edward.

I swear...the boy was some kind of stupid.

This morning I basically told him I was his property, yet he still gets jealous of Emmett kissing me on the damn cheek. It was a bit juvenile, but I smiled anyway. In a fucked up way, it showed me just how much he cared.

English; my first class of the day and it dragged.

Edward said goodbye to me at the door, no longer ashamed or shy to kiss me in front of other people in the school. It was nothing showy. It was simple, but just enough for me to know he was still being strong and going with the change he'd made.

As he walked away, I could still sense he was somewhat withdrawn and reserved as he hunched his shoulders in front of others; almost as though he was curling in on himself, trying to hide away.

I could accept that he wouldn't be as open with other people just yet, but I was so happy that he wasn't recoiling completely and reverting back to his thick, emotional guard he'd had all these years.

It made me smile.

First period sucked, and second period was bliss. Edward sat beside me in bio, as always, and since we were watching a movie, he held my hand under the table, resting them on my thigh and tracing a continuous, circular pattern on my jeans. When the class ended Mr. Banner instructed us all to read chapter seven on evolution and Darwin, or some crap, but I wasn't really listening.

It's not like I actually read the chapters anyway.

After we packed up our things, I headed to the cafeteria whilst Edward took a detour to the washroom, telling me he'd meet me there. Alice was at the table when I got to it, clicking away on her iPhone and humming quietly to herself, completely unaware that I had arrived.

"Hey Ali," I said, pulling a chair out and startling her from her own little world.

"Oh hey," she said sheepishly. "Sorry, I was texting Jasper."

"That's okay," I said with a wave of my hand. She put her phone away and turned to me, silently assessing my face before she spoke.

"So...how are things?"

"Great," I replied with a smile, shrugging my shoulders.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, Ali, everything's good."

"I mean...between you and Edward. You worked things out?"

"Yeah," I said, thinking about _everything _that happened this weekend. "We did."

"Oh," she said with relief, sinking back in her chair and smiling. She tucked her hair behind her ear and bit her lip before she sat up again and sighed. "I think I should tell you something. I don't...I don't want to be dishonest, but I don't want you to get mad."

"What is it?" I asked, leaning towards her, feeling as my heart pumped furiously against my rib cage in my anxiousness.

"I was..._there_, when Edward talked to your parents," she said, emphasizing her words by raising her brows. "I mean...what he said..."

"Alice, it's okay," I told her, shaking my head as relief flooded through me. "Edward already told me about it, and I'm not mad. I understand why he said it, and...I get why he told them. He kind of forgot you were there but I think he's a little relieved you know. It's nowhere close to the whole story..."

"You don't have to say anymore," she replied with a tight smile, knowing my obligation to keep Edward's secret was more important to me than anything. "I just wanted you to know that I heard part of it."

"Thanks for that," I told her with a nod, smiling. Just then, I heard the sound of boots rapidly clicking against the linoleum floor before a chair pulled out and Rosalie set herself in it, looking very flustered.

"Okay," she said, tucking in her chair and leaning towards us on her elbows. "I need...I don't know...help."

"With...?" I hedged as she exhaled deeply.

"I don't know what to do about Emmett and me," she replied, shaking her head before she began muttering some things under her breath. I think she was speaking in French but I couldn't be sure.

"Rose, calm down," I said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, what exactly is your problem?" Alice asked.

"I mean...how – I can't stand it anymore!" She said, her tone ringing with finality. "Every time...you know..." She trailed off but I didn't understand what she meant, and neither did Alice.

"Seriously, Rose, not following," I said, gesturing with my hands for her to give me more information.

"Okay...when you kiss Edward," she began, leaning forward until her blonde hair was dragging on the table, "does he get...excited?" She looked away from me and her cheeks were flushing as I tried to stifle my laugh.

"Oh," I chuckled, trying to compose myself. I chanced a glance to Alice and her lips were pursed, but her shoulder shook with silent laughter. "You mean excited, as in, aroused?"

Rose looked back up to me, her skin tinged pink as she nodded.

"Yes," I replied honestly.

"And you can...feel it?" She asked, her cheeks darkening in colour as she straightened.

"Uh, yeah," I said, raising my brows. "Why?"

"I...it happens to Emmett all the time," she confessed and I silently thanked God for Rosalie divulging that lovely little piece of information to me. I would put it away for my game of taunting Emmett and save it for a time when I could get him good. "When I kiss him, but I...I don't know what to do about it."

"I think there's only one thing you can do," Alice said, glancing to me and raising a brow. I nodded and turned back to Rose, smirking before I spoke.

"You have to tame the beast," I told her, unable to control my fit of laughter before the other two joined me. Their giggles carried on and I just shook my head at how Alice was clutching her sides when Emmett joined us.

"What's funny?" He asked, taking a spot as we all answered innocently, and in unison.

I winked at Rose when she looked over at me and she nodded her head, her cheeks tinting again with her embarrassment.

Edward came a few minutes after that with lunch for both of us, taking a spot beside me and putting a plate of fries down on the table. I smiled and kissed him on the cheek before I started eating the deliciously greasy fries that were likely clogging my arteries with each bite.

My mind kept drifting back to yesterday and my concerns about what would happen once my parents got divorced. The more it weighed on my mind, the more anxious I got, and I started tapping my leg under the table, alerting Edward to my unease.

"Hey," he said, stilling my jittery movements, "everything okay?"

I leant back in the chair and angled myself closer to him, to keep the conversation between us.

"I...no. Not really. I'm thinking about my parents," I confessed, glancing up to him through my lashes and seeing his frown. "I don't know what to expect after they divorce."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Like...who will get the house? And who will I live with? Where will the other go?" I rambled, feeling dangerously close to tears before I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued. "I'm scared and I don't know what to do, I don't –"

"Shh," he said, shifting closer to me and sliding his hand beneath the curtain of hair that was hanging over my shoulders and back. His long, slender fingers massaged the base of my neck and the questions bubbling within me were pushed aside as Edward's comforting gesture provided the perfect remedy to my spaz attack.

"I know this really sucks shit," he whispered, kneading a different section of my neck as he spoke quietly in my ear. "I know I can't do anything to help, but I'll be here for you."

I stifled the near whimper that escaped me because I was so close to tears and his words were just the thing to send me over the edge. I looked away from him and focused on the scratches of black across the linoleum floors, where people had scuffed the tile from their shoes, to try to keep my tears from spilling down my cheeks.

"Bella, you won't ever be alone," Edward continued his voice still low so only I could hear. "I don't want you to worry about that once your parents separate."

I turned back to him and his eyes were saddened as a depressing smile greeted me. I suppose he was trying to be positive, but he knew I would still feel like shit no matter what.

"Thank you," I mumbled, leaning up to kiss him, letting it linger as my fingers sought out the fabric of his jacket. I pulled myself closer and rested my head on his chest, trying to calm my nerves and anxiety while his hand continued to soothe me via massage.

My words didn't express the amount of gratitude I had for him being so open and caring when I was a mess, but they were all I could say right now. While a huge part of my life was being torn apart, changing into something I had no control over, the part with Edward was doing the exact opposite. I didn't know what was going to happen with my parents, but with him, I knew I had no need to worry.

We were progressing, finally.

I smiled up at him, assuring him I was okay before putting my thoughts in a locked box in my mind, trying to keep myself calm as I ate the rest of my lunch. At one point I threw a piece of French fry at Em because he was ogling Rose so hard I thought he was going to throw her down on the cafeteria table and fuck her right there. It worked; it pulled him from his trance and he looked over at me. I smiled at him and he stared at me, glaring before he tossed the fry back and hit me in the chest.

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes because of my and Emmett's antics, stealing a ketchup covered fry from my plate and sticking it in his mouth.

Lunch passed by and so did the rest of my day. In trig Rose and I were pretty much quiet, lost in our own thoughts and barely talking to each other, which was rare for us. I wanted to stop thinking about my parents and next year, but with my uncertainties, it was proving more difficult than I thought. I was so concerned that I almost felt nauseas, before I got an idea.

I was walking to my locker from gym and saw Rose on the way there, heading in the opposite direction.

"Rose!" I yelled down the hall, shuffling my way towards her through the mass of bodies. She spun on her heel and scanned the crowd. She saw me waving my arms at her and met me halfway.

"Hey," she said with a smile, "what's up?"

"I just wanted to know if you'd be able to drive Em home, because I want to meet with the guidance counsellor about some stuff," I told her, gesturing with my hands a bit, pointing in the direction of the office.

"Oh, sure," she replied, "no problem. I think I can manage that."

"Okay thanks," I said with a grin, "I owe you one."

She winked at me and headed towards the exit as I made my way back to my locker. Edward was there when I got to it, leaning up against the cool metal, looking so incredibly delicious it was hardly fair. I just smiled to myself because he was _my _boyfriend and I snaked my arms around his waist, subtly drawing in his scent and quietly humming from the aroma.

"Well hi," he said with a chuckle, reaching up and threading his fingers through the hair that was hanging down my back. "I take it you're in a better mood?"

I looked up to him and shrugged. "I'm alright," I admitted a bit sheepishly, "but I wanted to meet with Sandy to talk about some stuff."

"Like what?"

"Well...okay, I've been thinking about it lately and...maybe I should go to college. I mean, next year, I have no clue what will happen or what I'll do. I don't want to just go straight into work and these days it takes a lot of schooling to get a good job. I've been thinking about doing the college thing, and I also figure that with college, I wouldn't have to worry about living with either of my parents, I could just live at school."

The look on Edward's face when I told him my reasoning was almost heartbreaking. He seemed as though he was on the verge of tears, or desperately wanting to punch something, as his fingers nervously stroked my hair with a slight tremor.

"Uh," he began, swallowing thickly, "I guess that makes sense. So you've thought this all through?" His voice was quiet and his words were forced, like he didn't even want to ask.

"I've thought about it quite a bit," I confessed, chewing absently on my bottom lip. "But I'm still not sure because of one huge problem." He gazed down at me with sadness in his beautiful green eyes. "I can't leave you."

He sighed, smiling briefly before it was replaced with a thoughtful frown.

"Bella I don't want to be the reason you don't do the things you want to do in life. Believe me when I say I would do anything in my power to keep you here, but I..."

"Edward it's not that," I said quickly, shaking my head. "I...if I were to go, I would...I would want you to come with me."

"What?" He asked with disbelief.

"Would you ever consider going to college too?"

"Fuck, I don't know," he said, his eyes widening at my sudden revelation. "I never really thought about it." I pursed my lips, wondering how in the hell this would ever work if he didn't want to go with me. I didn't know if I'd be able to leave. "I'll come with you to talk to Sandy and maybe get some brochures for colleges."

"Really?" I asked with a smile, feeling a swarm of nervous butterflies flitting around in my stomach.

"Yeah," he replied, smiling tentatively. "I never thought about it before, but...in all honesty, I would want to go with you too. And you're right about finding a job. I guess it would be pretty fucking hard to get a decent one with a high school diploma."

He shook his head and we pulled apart. I put my things in my locker and we headed to the office. Sandy was sitting behind the desk when we got there, reading over something. I walked up to the counter and leaned over, my toes almost leaving the ground with how tall it was.

"Hey Sandy," I said, startling her from whatever she was doing.

"Bella," she replied with a smile, glancing quickly to Edward before standing up. "What can I do for you sweetheart?"

"Uh, we were wondering if we'd be able to talk to you about colleges," I told her, watching as a knowing smile spread out across her face.

"Absolutely," she told me, gesturing for us to follow her.

Edward and I talked to Sandy for the better part of a half an hour as she went over certain colleges and gave us multiple brochures, to ensure that we were well informed to make a decision on where we wanted to go. She let us know that applications were to be sent in online, starting this December, and that if we had any more questions we were more than welcome to come back and meet with her again.

From her demeanour and the way she acted, I knew she didn't yet know about my mother's infidelity, so I decided to keep it that way. I told her we were just interested in going to college because we realized it would be better for us to have education that went beyond secondary, and Sandy agreed completely, not asking any other questions about our motives for wanting to go.

When we were done with the meeting I felt better, lighter almost, as Edward and I left the school. The Volvo was one of the few cars still left in the parking lot and we climbed in, peaceful with the silence as we headed back to his house. Alice texted me on our way there and informed me that she just found out her parents were in Seattle this weekend for Graeme's annual work Halloween party, so she and Jasper would be hosting one of their own.

I told Edward and he seemed indifferent about the entire situation, but said he would go nonetheless. I remembered the last party we had gone to and didn't blame him for being skeptical about it, assuring him things would be different this time, just as he'd told me this morning.

"I know," he said with a small smile, unbuckling his seat belt after shutting off the engine. "I'm just...nervous I guess. I probably won't drink."

"Nobody will force you," I told him. "Just do what you want. But I think it would be fun to do something like that and dress up. Alice wants to go tomorrow to get costumes."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head. We got out of the car and he took my hand as we slinked through behind Rose's Mustang and went up the stairs. I was particular about not voicing my concern about it because he would likely laugh at me, again.

"I think it could be fun," Edward said as I went to open the door, only to walk right into it because it was locked. "Having troubles?" He asked with a laugh.

"No," I grumbled, frowning at it, "it's locked." I turned back to him and his brows were up into his hairline. He pulled his key from his pocket and opened the door, letting me enter first as we then took off our coats and shoes.

"Just please don't buy some skanky outfit," Edward said with a pleading stare. "I can't handle half the fuckers from school mentally undressing you when you're wearing nothing anyway."

I rolled my eyes and conceded; I wasn't the school slut and I wouldn't want to look that way. I would leave it up to skank Stanley to do that for the rest of us.

"I'm sure Jessica will be slutty enough to make up for all of us who aren't," I said with a giggle as we headed up the stairs. Halfway up, I stopped dead on the step, my left foot hovering in mid-air. I planted it firmly on the carpet and turned back to Edward, who had a horrified look on his face.

We both definitely heard that, and knew exactly what it was, Rose. But not just Rose...Rose _moaning. _

A shiver involuntarily ran through me as I heard her voice growing louder. I clapped my hands over my mouth to stop from full out dying of laughter and Edward made a fist, covering his mouth as well as we both stood on the stairs. I thought I heard what sounded like a slew of French coming from Rose's mouth before I lost it and a round of laughter overtook me.

I hurried past Edward and took off down the stairs, nearly tripping over my shoes as I stuffed my feet into them and threw my coat over my shoulders. Edward did the same and we left, shutting the door quietly and locking it again, heading towards the car, both laughing in disbelief.

"That was Rose," he said, shaking his head as we got into the car.

"I know!" I replied my eyes wide as I looked back to the house. "That is un-fucking-believable."

"Well at least Emmett won't be acting like someone ran over his fucking puppy anymore," Edward added with a chuckle. "His complaining will not be missed, at all."

"Agreed," I said with a nod of my head. "So...what do you want to do?" I looked over to him because there was nowhere for us to go. I didn't want to go home and face a potential World War III, and Edward's house was clearly occupied with Emmett and Rose and their...extracurricular activities.

"Don't know," he told me with a shrug. "Want to just go hang out at the park?"

I thought it was the perfect place to pass the time so we headed there via Volvo because we were both lazy and it was a bit cold out. We sat in the car for a while, just watching the wind rustle the leaves on the playground, blowing them in large, billowing masses to another part of the park. We talked as well, mostly about things that didn't matter, like the party and Rose and Emmett.

After a while, I noticed that Edward was still a little down about something. He'd had that look all day and I couldn't quite place what could have made him go into such a mood. It wasn't anger or annoyance, it was more like...depression or sadness.

"Is something bothering you?" I asked, thumbing his knuckles as I held his hand in my lap. His eyes flickered up to mine and they focused on our entwined hands again as he spoke.

"Kind of," he mumbled in response. "But it's...it's nothing, don't worry about it."

"Edward," I warned, my breath coming harder and faster as I tried not to think about him shutting himself off and recoiling from me. "Please, don't do that. Don't act like it's nothing when it's probably everything."

He squeezed my fingers tighter, and the pained expression on his face was so intense I could feel how badly he was hurting.

"Please tell me," I whispered as he toyed with the hemp bracelet around my wrist.

"I...it's just about my dad," he said with a tiny shrug, hoping I'd drop it if he tried to act nonchalant. I wasn't buying it. He looked up to me, shifting his gaze from our hands and seeing the encouraging expression on my face as I silently begged him to keep going.

I'd learned this weekend that his father was a more than touchy subject, and now, with him having only months to live, dying of lung cancer, I knew it was difficult for Edward to cope. It would be hard on anyone, but considering the way he was brought up and how much he hated his father, I didn't have the slightest idea how he was handling this right now. I would be worse off than he was, wondering why the fuck I gave a shit about some stupid prick who'd hurt me in the past after claiming to love me. I think the conflict and confusion would ultimately drive me insane in the end, unless there was some way for me to deal with it.

We talked for a long time about his father, and what Carlisle had discussed with him. He hadn't told me about his option to go back to Chicago last night because we were both so exhausted from the sleepless weekend. After he confessed that his father was dying, we sort of left it at that and I didn't suspect that there was more to the story. However, the more I listened to Edward talking about all of it, the more I realized he wasn't furious about the idea of going back to Chicago. It almost seemed like he _wanted _to go back there.

"So...would you _want_ to go back to Chicago?" I asked when he was silent. He glanced over to me from his seat and pursed his lips before sighing.

"When Carlisle first suggested it, I was pissed," he admitted, shaking his head in what appeared to be frustration. "I mean, why the fuck would I want to go back? It was...I thought it was a stupid idea, at the time. But now...Bella, I really have no clue. I shouldn't want to go."

He trailed off after that, staring thoughtfully at the playground with a crinkle between his brows. I wanted to reach up and smooth it away so the skin was flawless again, but settled for stroking the back of his hand with my fingers.

"I think you should talk to Carlisle about it," I told him honestly. "Do you think it would help you if you went back to Chicago?"

"That's the thing," he said quietly. "I don't know if it would help me or damage me more. I don't want to risk that it will set me back and make me angrier."

I understood his confliction and nodded my head, running an idea through my head before I voiced it.

"Maybe...okay, how about we both talk to Carlisle, and if it's okay, why don't I go with you?"

"No," he said immediately, vehemently shaking his head. "No. I don't want you to meet him. Ever."

"But Edward –"

"Bella, no, I don't want you near him."

"Please listen to me," I begged and he quieted, allowing me to speak. "I will go with you. I want to be there for you if you decide to go, and if you don't want me to meet him, I won't. I don't have to go with you when you see him."

He bowed his head and his eyes fixated on the edge of the steering wheel as his breath came out in one long huff.

"Am I actually considering this?" He asked in disbelief.

"I think you are," I replied, even though it sounded more like a rhetorical question than anything. He let out a small, humourless chuckle and shook his head, sighing and blowing his hair out of his eyes.

"I'm going to think about it for a few days...then maybe talk to Carlisle," he said, quickly shifting in his seat as I wondered what in the hell had him moving so fast. He pulled his phone from his pocket and frowned before answering it.

"Hey Esme, sorry, Bella and I are at the park. I didn't realize how late it was." I pulled my phone out and glanced at the time, noting that it was just after six thirty, and that we'd been here for over three hours, just talking. "Okay. We'll be there in a few...love you too. Bye."

"Oops," I said with a grin.

"Yeah," he replied with a laugh. "I didn't even register that it was dark out either."

"Hmm," I mused, disentangling his fingers from mine so he could start the car.

"What?" He asked, backing out of the parking space and heading to his house.

"Just thinking that it's so much easier to talk with you now," I said, angling my head towards him and watching as he smiled, glancing over to me. "Not just because you'll actually talk to me, but because it just seems easier. I don't really know why."

He reached over and put his hand over my thigh, massaging it gently.

"I told you...this time, Bella, things will be different."

**

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**

**A/N:** So, what'd everyone think? A bit low-key, I'll admit, but it's building to future events, promise : )

The song quoted at the beginning is one of my favourite bands, and one of the few that I listen to who has a female vocalist. None other than Paramore, with a song called Hallelujah. They're awesome, and of course, one of the bands from the Twilight soundtrack.

Anyway, check it out and leave me some love : ) And if you haven't already, swing by and read chapter 20 of Spellbound.


	21. A Bump in the Road

**A/N: ***AcrossTheSkyInStars walks in, head hanging down in shame*

I am so, SO, terrible. I really, really wanted this up yesterday, but it just wasn't working out for me. I had so much RL shit in the way, plus a raging headache on top of it. I feel horrid for making you all wait.

I do adore you all though, for being so patient. Either nobody cares that it's late, or nobody has noticed, because I didn't get any PM's.

Anyway, this is a bit of a longer chapter. I wanted to get into the party, but some stuff happened before it that needs a bit of attention.

Much love to my ever patient and understanding beta's Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. You ladies help me out so much it's absolutely insane! Love you both xo. This is the Claire Bloom _and _dolphin62598 approved version of the chapter! Thank God, haha.

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**And you never would have thought in the end**_

_**How amazing it feels just to live again**_

_**It's a feeling that you cannot miss**_

_**It burns a hole through everyone that feels it"**_

**e.p.o.v**

As Alice planned, Tuesday we _all _went to Port Angeles to get costumes for their Halloween party. When Jasper returned from co-op, we ate dinner and convened at our house, where Alice dragged Bella and Rosalie to her Porsche.

God forbid I could ever actually drive anywhere with Bella because the damn pixie always got in the fucking way. Something about 'girl time being very important' or whatever the hell excuse she was spewing while I wasn't really listening. I just shook my head and proceeded with Emmett and Jazz to my car, where we followed the girls on the highway.

Jasper sat in the back and Em was riding shotgun, being unusually quiet for him, but grinning permanently, like an absolute moron. He hadn't yet said anything about what Bella and I walked in on yesterday, but then again, I hadn't mentioned it either. I was waiting to see if he was about to brag about _finally _doing something with Rose. To my surprise, Emmett's lips were sealed, and in all honesty, it shocked me. I would have pegged him for confessing to it the second we were alone.

I decided to have a little fun with it.

"Hey, Em, how come you're so quiet?" I asked, glancing quickly to him before focusing my eyes on the road ahead and Alice's Porsche.

"No reason," he said hastily with a shrug, shaking his head, as if to suggest nothing was up with him. "Just thinking about what I want to be for the party," he lied. I tried to hold back the smirk at how badly he was trying to cover this up because he was failing horribly.

"Oh," I said, not believing him for a second, "sure. Have you thought of anything?"

"Eh, not really," he said, bouncing his leg anxiously and tapping his hand on his thigh. "I might just see what they have when we get there." I glanced over again and he blew out a long breath and bit his lip forcefully, like he was trying to keep himself from telling us what I _know _he wanted to.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, and the tapping stopped.

"No, why?"

"You're just really quiet and are about as anxious as I've ever fucking seen you," I replied calmly.

"Yeah man, you're being weird," Jasper chimed in from the back seat.

"I'm good," Emmett said, waving his hands as if to dismiss the conversation.

"Really?" I asked, shooting him a quick look before turning down the radio. "I bet you are, you know, after what happened yesterday."

"What?" Emmett said, at the same time Jasper said, "What happened yesterday?"

"Why don't you ask Emmett?" I said to Jasper, like a complete jackass as I could feel Emmett's gaze resting on me.

"Dude?" Jasper said, nudging Emmett on the shoulder.

"I...fuck – how in the hell do you know what happened yesterday?" Emmett asked me, somewhat angered. Fuck. I didn't want him to get pissed at me, I was just joking around.

"Calm down, Em. I was just joking around with you. Please don't get pissed, but...Bella and I kind of came home and...heard."

"Heard what?" Jasper interrupted.

"Shit," Em grumbled, smacking his head back against the seat. "Don't ever tell Rose you heard her, she'll be so embarrassed."

"Cross my heart," I said honestly, putting my right hand up in surrender. "I doubt Bella would tell her because she knows how Rose can get."

"Good," he said, pulling out his phone and clicking away on it. "I'm going to text Coop just in case."

"Dude, seriously, what the fuck happened?!" Jasper asked from the back seat in exasperation.

"Emmett?" I said, glancing over as he put his phone away.

"I...Rose – _wesortofhadsex_," he mumbled, almost inaudibly.

"What?" Jasper asked, leaning in between the two front seats.

"Rose and I had sex!" He yelled, huffing loudly afterwards.

"Why aren't you shouting it from the rooftops?" Jasper asked, furrowing his brows and sinking back in his seat once more. "You've been waiting for this forever. Why were you trying to hide it?"

"Yeah," I added, frowning, "I've been waiting all fucking day for you to say something about it, but you've been like a mute since this morning."

"I don't know," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "Rose wanted to just keep it between us for a while and wanted to talk to the girls first before I went blabbering about it. I mean, if it makes her more comfortable, then I'm not going to go bragging to you guys about it."

Jasper chuckled from the back seat and leaned forward again. "Who are you, and what have you done with Emmett Cullen?" Jasper asked, laughing.

Emmett and I laughed as well, knowing full well that if any other chick had asked that of Emmett he would have turned around and told us anyway.

"I swear she's got me brainwashed," Emmett replied with a shake of his head, smiling as he probably thought of her. "I told her I loved her."

"You did?" I asked in astonishment, thankful he'd listened to my goddamn advice.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to get anything from it, and I told her so. But...one thing sort of led to another, you know how it goes," he said, and by the way he talked of it, I gathered even _he _didn't want to say more. I certainly wouldn't want to go talking to either him or Jazz about mine and Bella's sex life, so I could sympathize. If he wanted to keep it between him and Rose, I wasn't going to be a dick about it.

"Yeah, I know," I replied, nodding.

After that, we were pretty much quiet. Jasper leaned forward and played with the radio a bit until he found a station that suited us all, and we just listened. I was somewhat uncomfortable, mainly because I knew that both Jasper and Emmett _knew _I'd finally confessed everything to Bella this weekend, yet didn't say a word of it to them. I wanted them to know that I just needed some time to cope with everything, but felt awkward and strange about actually telling them that.

I rolled my eyes at how fucked up I still was. Would I ever have normal issues?

"Hey, what do you think the girls are going to be?" Jasper mused, his voice sounding almost distant as he pictured the endless skanky outfits that were likely going to be at this place.

"Ooh, I hope they wear something that's short and...tight," Emmett replied, his voice drifting as well.

"Yeah, so the entire school can eye-fuck Rose, Em, good call," I said sarcastically.

"Fuck that!" He said angrily. "She can go as a...I don't know – a nun."

I laughed and shook my head. "I seriously doubt she's going as a nun, but good try."

I pulled into the parking lot of Spirit right behind Alice, and parked in the space next to her as Emmett grumbled angered incoherencies from the passenger seat. I shut off the car and got out, waiting as the rest of the group followed me. When Bella finally climbed out of the Porsche I offered her my hand and she smiled at me, mouthing the words 'thank you' and twining her fingers with mine.

"How was the drive?" She asked, grinning unusually large at something.

"Good," I replied, questioning her slightly odd behaviour. "Yours?"

"It was...fun," she said, choosing her final word carefully. "I'll tell you about it later," she then whispered. I nodded at her and we joined the other four as they made their way into the store.

The place was packed with giggling teenagers – mostly chicks – running back and forth through the rows upon rows of costumes like they had hit the jackpot. I was overwhelmed by the chaos that consumed the store and stood gripping onto Bella's hand for a second before she pulled me in further.

I bent down so my mouth was close to her ear and whispered, "Should I be scared?"

Her shoulders shook with laughter and she turned so she was facing me, her brown eyes reflecting her amusement.

"I think you should be very afraid," she said, leaning up and closing the gap between us, pressing her soft lips against mine. "And you won't have me to protect you."

"Huh?" I asked furrowing my brows as Bella was tugged away from my side, with the little pixie fiend on the other side of her.

"Our costumes are a surprise apparently," Bella said, rolling her eyes towards Alice and shrugging. "You can't see until Saturday."

"Seriously?" I asked, standing next to Emmett and Jasper as the girls began walking away, leaving us to fend for ourselves in this gigantic mess of a store. "What the hell? I don't even know where to start?" I said, honestly fearful that I'd be attacked by someone for picking up the last costume.

"This is anarchy," Jasper said, his eyes wide as he took in the scene before us. "Oh well, let's get to it. Just...let's start over there." He pointed to the wall of Old Western costumes and we started on that side.

We walked down that aisle, followed by the slutty nurse and doctor aisle, then the police officer and convict section. If Bella picked out one of those slutty nurse outfits, I would surely have a heart attack at how little she'd be wearing. I just...I don't think I'd let her go to the party even.

"Ooh, look at this one!" Emmett said, calling us over as he stood in the next row. He was where some of the gag costumes were and he was holding what was possibly _the _most ridiculous costume I'd ever seen.

"A Hot Dog Vendor, Em! Really?" I said looking at him questioningly. The guy on the front of the bag had a striped white and red shirt, and a box of hot dogs hanging down right in front, covering his junk. The hot dog box conveniently said 'Foot Long' on the face of it, which made me roll my eyes.

"This is sick," he said, tightly gripping the bag. "It's hilarious."

"Dude, please get it," Jasper said, laughing and shaking his head. "That's classic."

"Sold," Emmett said, grinning and nodding his head. "Alright, you guys see anything you like?"

Jasper and I both shrugged and we all kept looking. We passed a section of nun and priest costumes, and Emmett laughed at the picture on the cover.

"Rose would never go for something like that," he said, now frowning at the bag. "You think she would if I asked her?" Emmett was completely serious in his question, staring me straight in the face. I couldn't help but laugh; he was grasping for straws.

"Fuck no she wouldn't wear it," I said, shaking my head. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Maybe a little," he grumbled. "Whatever, let's keep looking."

I rolled my eyes and kept walking through the aisles, following Jasper as he stopped every few costumes to check out a few that caught his eye. When we got to the vampires and devil section, I slowed, contemplating the repercussions of dressing up as one of Bella's favourite mythical characters. I figured it would work in my favour, to get decked out in a vampire costume, because she would eat that shit right up.

I grinned widely and pulled the perfect costume off the shelf, examining the contents and noticing that I still needed to get the fangs for it separately.

"Find one?" Jasper called from the aisle ahead of me.

"Yeah," I said, walking over and showing him the costume. "Vampire."

"That's a good one," he said, pointing to bag, "Bella will love that."

"I know," I said with a smirk, tucking it under my arm and helping Jasper to find the costume he wanted. We looked for another few minutes as Emmett browsed some costumes in a different section, likely trying to spy on the girls to see what they were getting. Jasper finally settled on being a Gangster, because he wanted to be the complete opposite of what he was.

"Come on," Jasper said, waving the package in front of my face. "What day of the year would _I _ever be able to get away with saying words like 'fo shizzle' and 'homeboy'?"

I laughed uncontrollably as Jasper made ridiculous hand gestures, spewing a bunch of gangster terms and pretending he was from 'the hood,' as he liked to say. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed until I cried, but Jasper was the one to break that dry spell. By the time he was finished his gangster rant I had tears rolling down my face and my stomach hurt from contracting so much from my laughter.

"Okay," I said, nearly out of breath as my vision was somewhat blurred. "Get the fucking costume before you kill me."

"See, I make a good gangster, yo," he replied, nudging my shoulder as he used his 'gangster accent.'

"Sure, Jasper," I said with a nod of my head as Emmett came back over to us.

"Gangster?" Emmett said to Jasper, chuckling when he saw the picture on the front of the bag. The costume came with a black and white pinstriped suit, a black shirt, and a white tie. All he needed to buy was a fedora and a fake gun, and he was all set.

"Hell yeah," Jasper replied as we made our way through the sea of people to the cash register. On the way there, Jasper found his ridiculous hat that actually suited him perfectly. Despite it being for the costume, it fit his personality well.

"Wait, I need fangs, or something," I said, taking in the gigantic assortment of make-up and other small accessories that adorned the wall next to the register. I found a set that were almost like veneers. They capped on to your incisors and made them just a little bit longer; giving you the _real _vampire look, rather than making you look like a phony with plastic, white teeth. I grabbed a pair of fangs and a small bottle of white face paint and stood in line behind Jasper with the stupid hat still sat on his head.

I scanned the store for Bella as I waited to pay for my costume, trying to get a peek at what she was going to be before Saturday came. I wanted to know what I was in for, because I knew that if I saw her in some outfit that made her all sexy and shit, I would turn into one ravenous vampire. But something told me Alice wouldn't let me find out until Saturday came, and on some level, that kind of scared me.

Alice could be sneaky.

My eyes darted across the store until they fell on the figure of Bella, her head turned down and her face wearing a look of contemplation as she examined the two costume bags in each hand. After a few seconds she looked up, her gaze thoughtful as she stared at the ceiling and took her bottom lip between her teeth; a habit she seemed to be taking up a lot lately. Her eyes eventually found mine and I grinned when she narrowed them at me, hastily sticking her hands behind her back to shield her choice of costume from sight.

Alice's tiny frame replaced Bella's and she shot me a challenging stare, a small smirk playing on the corners of her mouth. Her reproachful look made me roll my eyes and I looked away, to find that I was holding up the line while I was caught up in my own little world. I mumbled an apology to the chick behind me and paid for my costume, following Jasper out the doors and into the crisp, chilled night.

"Get lost?" Jasper asked with a quirked brow.

"I was trying to sneak a peek at what the girls were getting, but Alice killed that attempt," I replied with a chuckle.

"Yeah, she really gets into all this Halloween stuff," Jasper said with a shrug, leaning up against the Volvo. "Wait until she gets into decorating the house. She turns into a completely different person." He laughed and shook his head, thinking about Alice and her psychotic and exuberant love for the holidays.

I never really paid that much attention before now, but when I thought about it, I realized that Alice always got a little bit more..._Alice _during the holidays. Today she'd been a big, smiling, bundle of energy as she talked with Rose and Bella about them helping her to decorate on Friday night. I'd come to the conclusion that it would look like a Halloween outlet store threw up in her house, and from Alice, I'd expect nothing less.

"I know what you mean," I said to him, only _just _noticing that Em wasn't here. "Hey, where's Emmett?"

"Street meat," Jasper told me, pointing behind us to the hot dog vendor that was set up just outside one of the other stores on this strip.

"Seriously?" I said, shaking my head. "He ate before we left. I guess he did buy the perfect costume though."

Jasper nodded in agreement and we stood quietly against the car, waiting for either Emmett to get back, or for the girls to be finished. The cold air was biting at my nose and cheeks, and I drew the zipper of my jacket up further, crossing my arms over my chest as the plastic bag hit the side of my leg.

Emmett came back before the girls were finished, with a hot dog in one hand, and a Coke in the other. He finished the entire thing in about three bites, but not without spilling a gigantic glob of mustard on his jacket sleeve like a complete slob.

"Fuck," he muttered, sucking on the sleeve as I scrunched my nose. He was such a moron.

"What are you doing?" Rose's voice suddenly asked and Emmett's head snapped up, locking eyes with hers. She was smiling at Emmett but her brows were turned in at how retarded he looked.

"I...might have spilled mustard on my coat," he admitted with a grin.

Rose sighed, and simply said, "I love you," while shaking her head at him. The lock clicked open on Alice's Porsche and Rose opened the car, stuffing her bag in the back seat and allowing Alice to do the same. Bella stepped around them and put her bag in as well, but not before I desperately tried to use x-ray vision or some shit to see what was in the bloody thing.

I guess Clark Kent had something on me, because I couldn't see through the white plastic. Fuck, what I wouldn't give to just peek into that stupid bag and find out what the hell she was going to be. It would really make my life so much easier.

"So, what'd you get?" Bella asked nonchalantly when she pulled herself from the Porsche. She stood in front of me and rocked back on her heels, trying to play it innocent.

"Ah, nuh-uh," I said, waving my forefinger at her disapprovingly. "If you're not telling me what you are, I'm not telling you what I am. Doesn't work like that." I leaned down and dragged two of my fingers across the marks I'd left on her neck. "Good try though," I whispered, my mouth hovering over her ear.

She sighed quietly and her lips pressed gently against the side of my jaw.

"Can't blame me for trying," she said, giggling a little bit.

I pulled away from her and she smiled at me, arching her brow, as if to say 'come on, you know you want to tell me.' I smiled too and shook my head, hiding the bag behind my back.

"I can tell you one thing though," I whispered, leaning into her just a little bit more, ghosting my lips across hers. "You'll definitely like it."

The breath left her lungs in a ragged exhale and her lips curved up into a subtle grin as she wove her hands through my arms and flattened them against my back, closing the gap between us until our lips connected again. It only lasted for a few seconds, because reality came back to me, and I knew we needed to be heading home, not making out in the middle of the Spirit parking lot.

The warmth and familiarity of her scent was enticing, but I pulled away nonetheless, kissing the bridge of her nose as her lashes fluttered. I just stared at her for a moment before Alice, who was already in the driver's seat with the car started, was calling Bella to join them. Bella rolled her eyes at me and slipped into the front seat, waving as I climbed into the Volvo.

The drive home was loud. We were trying to figure out the girls' costumes, with absolutely no success. We gave up in the end and conceded to waiting until Saturday to find out what they were going to be. I mean, I was going to try to coax it out of Bella, but I knew she wouldn't budge.

When we got to our house, Alice, Jasper, and Rose came inside with us. Esme and Carlisle were in the hot tub, relaxing and talking quietly as I padded over to them from the back door.

"Hey," I said, leaning with my palms on the rim of the tub as the colour morphed from blue to green.

"Hi," Esme replied her smile wide and her tone airy. "You find a costume you like?"

I glanced behind me to make sure Bella hadn't followed me and turned back to Esme, nodding.

"Vampire," I told her. She and Carlisle grinned and the lights changed from green to yellow.

"I'm sure you'll look fabulous, sweetheart. Make sure you take pictures though," she said seriously, pointing her finger at me.

"I will," I promised, smiling and nodding my head once. "I'm going to go in," I told her, motioning back to the house. They both waved me off and I went in through the glass door, shutting it quietly and finding Bella standing in the kitchen, her back turned to me as she stood in front of the open cupboards. Her stance was languid and her head was tilted to the side as her hands gripped the top of the cupboard doors. A small sliver of her soft, pale skin was visible because her shirt had lifted ever so slightly, giving me a lovely view of the flesh just above the swell of her ass.

I crossed the kitchen in a few strides and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, dipping my fingers inside the top of her jeans and feeling the hem of her panties. I rested my chin on her shoulder and she sighed, settling with her back against my chest as she continued her perusal of the cupboard.

"Hungry?" I asked as her left hand dropped to cover mine, making my position on her shoulder more comfortable.

"Kind of," she said cutely, reaching out to grab a box of popcorn. "Emmett will inhale it if I make some." She set it back down and pouted out her bottom lip sighing.

"Check the fridge," I told her, massaging my thumbs over the smooth skin of her abdomen. She hummed sweetly and closed the doors of the cupboard, linking her fingers with mine and pulling me to where the large, stainless steel fridge was. She swung open the door and moved some containers around, searching thoughtfully before taking out a container of yogurt.

"Mmm, strawberry," she said, closing the fridge door and walking over to the drawer that held the silverware. "Do you think Esme will mind if I finish it? There's not much left."

"Go ahead," I replied, simply watching her as she manoeuvred her way around the kitchen as if it were her own. She pulled a spoon from the drawer and leant up against the counter opposite me, taking a large scoop of yogurt and sliding it in her mouth. I followed the motions stupidly, licking my lips when she turned the spoon between her lips and slid it out slowly, purposefully slowly.

My mouth hung open slightly in my arousal, but I quickly snapped it shut, grinding my teeth together and stuffing my hands in my pockets to subtly rearrange the hard-on Bella had caused. She was smirking as she took another spoonful, clearly aware of the effect her innocent actions had on my cock. I'll admit, it was fucking ridiculous how easily she turned me on, but I couldn't help it.

I was jealous of the spoon.

"How's it going over there?" She asked with amusement, sliding the metal between her lips and pulling it out slowly again. I choked back a growl and stalked over to her, resting my hands on the counter on either side of her body, trapping her.

"Not so good," I admitted with a small grin. "How fucked up it is that I'm jealous of that spoon?" She laughed the sound quiet and breathy as she raised one of her eyebrows at me.

"Well, maybe if you behave yourself, you'll be in the spoon's position later," she said, dragging the cool metal across her bottom lip. I tightened my jaw and my eyes grew heavy as I imagined _later _playing out in my mind.

"I can behave," I whispered, stroking the small patch of exposed skin at her hip with my thumb. The strawberry yogurt and the heavenly scent of her shampoo mixed to create something so pleasurable I inhaled greedily, pressing my hips against hers and dipping my head to kiss the apple of her cheek.

"Mmm, I don't think this is very commendable behaviour Edward," Bella chastised, her voice throaty and sexy, making it hard for me to pull away from her. "I thought I told you to behave."

I growled in her ear and stepped back, blatantly rearranging myself this time because she knew what she had done to me. She had such an amused smile on her face and I glared playfully at her, sighing and hoping that I could wish the erection away. She finished the yogurt in a few more spoonfuls and rinsed out the container, tossing it into the blue bin next to the back door.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked her as she came over to stand in front of me.

"Living room," she replied. "I think they're watching a movie. Want to go?"

"Sure," I said, taking her hand in mine and leading her down the hall to where the others were.

Rose and Emmett were on the couch when we walked in, leaning against each other and watching the screen intently. Alice and Jasper had occupied the love seat, so that left Bella and me on the floor. I went over to the large chest on the other side of the room and grabbed a few blankets and pillows, setting them up on the ground so it wouldn't be too uncomfortable.

Bella sat down and I joined her, curling the blanket around us and wrapping my arms around her waist. Only then did I take note of the movie we were watching; it was The Ring. I suppose scary was our theme lately, because that's all we ever seemed to watch...well with the exception of The Hangover. I didn't mind though. It was my favourite genre and Bella's favourite as well.

Although in this movie, she hated the little girl because Bella said she was 'creepy as shit'. The whole 'seven days' bit made her shiver and I smiled into her hair, shaking my head as she looked up to me.

"So creepy," she said, mouthing the words more than saying them, leaning up to capture my lips with hers. She kissed me deeply, surprising me and opening her mouth, sliding her tongue against mine like it was somehow urgent. I assumed it was to distract her from the creepy chick on the screen, so I happily kept her occupied as she tried to drown out the movie.

Several minutes and a hard-on later, Bella's hand was halfway down my pants and the fingers of her other hand were curled tightly around locks of my hair as I tried to keep my hands a safe distance from any sexual part of her body. I was fucking thankful for the blanket, or this would have turned into one awkward situation with the other four in here with us. However, even with cover, I was still slightly on edge about the hand-in-the-pants thing, and I pulled out of the kiss, breathing heavily against Bella's face.

"I thought this wasn't commendable behaviour?" I asked, whispering the words in her ear. She giggled quietly and _fuck me, _her hand sunk further, skimming the base of the shaft through my boxers.

"I said _you _had to behave," she replied, her nose brushing the side of my face. "I never said anything about me."

I stifled the groan and reluctantly pulled her hand from my jeans.

"If you keep doing that, I won't be able to keep my promise of behaving myself, and believe me that's a promise I want to keep."

She smirked at me and kissed the edge of my jaw before returning to the movie once more. We watched it without any more interruptions, and when it was finished, I could hear Emmett snoring from the couch. I laughed as I sat up, glancing behind me to find Rose shaking her head at Emmett's slumbering from as he was slumped against the arm of the couch, his head lolled back on the cushions and his mouth opened in the shape of an 'o.'

Rosalie sat up and got on her knees, hovering above Em. She leant close to his ear and screamed his name, shaking his shoulders as he hastily sprung up from the couch, his eyes frantic as he fell to the floor.

"Fuck!" He yelled clutching his hand to his chest as the rest of us burst out laughing at him. He turned back to Rose and glared at her, smiling despite pretending to be angry. "You think you're funny, don't you?" He asked her.

She stuck her tongue out at him and crossed her arms over her chest. "I know I'm funny. And besides, you fell asleep and made me watch it alone, you big goon!"

Bella laughed from beside me and stood up, stretching her arms and legs, arching her back and puffing out her chest. Rose and Emmett argued playfully for a few minutes as I put away the blankets and pillows, before Rose conceded and forgave him with a kiss.

Alice and Jasper left after the movie, and Rose and Emmett retreated back to the living room as I practically dragged Bella upstairs to our room. I closed the door and turned around, crushing her to me and stumbling as we kissed.

"I've...been on my – best behaviour," I mumbled between kisses, guiding her towards the bed.

"Is – that, so?" She asked. I nodded my head and turned so my knees hit the edge of the mattress. I sat down on the bed and Bella stood between my legs, her hands toying with the hem of my shirt before she tugged it up and tossed it to the floor.

"You want to be where the spoon was?" She asked quietly, her fingers passing over my abdomen with feather-light touches before she began working on my jeans.

"Please," I replied, gripping her waist tightly and itching for release because I had been teased the entire night. She licked her lips and sank to her knees, tugging the material of my jeans down my legs.

"Well...you _did_ keep your promise," she said, her eyes roaming over me before she took me in her hand. "I think you deserve it."

---

Wednesday morning I woke up feeling gloriously weak from the night before. I shut off the alarm and we both got up, this time taking turns in the shower so we didn't make ourselves late. School was rather uneventful, and to my dismay, Bella had to work at four. I wasn't exactly happy about that, but I couldn't do anything about it. She wanted the money and it was an easy job.

I dropped her off at ten to four and told her I'd be back later to get her. I saw Mike entering the store just as Bella got out of the car and I tightened my hands on the steering wheel, forcing myself to _drive away. _I was on edge the entire way home, needing to relax before I went back there and abducted her or something.

When I got home Rose and Emmett were there, and I tried to ignore the panting coming from down the hall as I took the stairs two at a time to get to my room. I busied myself with homework most of the night, trying to catch up on what I'd missed as I'd been so preoccupied with Bella and my feelings lately. I hadn't been able to concentrate on making much progress, and I was afraid that my grades would slip. If I wanted to actually go to college next year, I would need to stop fucking slacking.

By the end of the night I had gotten a lot done, but I had also taken many breaks, just lying on my bed, thinking about everything that had happened lately. I found that when my mind wandered too much I got into a mood, a funk, if you will. I always shook myself out of it and continued with my homework until I was so bored I was almost in tears.

At quarter after nine, Bella called me, and I frowned at the phone before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Edward, come pick me up, please," she said hurriedly, her voice wavering.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concern washing over me and my face paling at the upset tone of her voice.

"I'll...explain when you get here. Just – please," she sputtered.

"I'll be there in five," I said, trying to sound calm although I was nothing but. "I love you."

"Love you too," she whispered.

I sped the entire way to the store, getting there in a record time of three minutes and pulling into the parking lot, to find Bella standing against the brick wall, her hood up and her face buried in her hands. I let the car idle in front of the store and got out, running over to her and wrapping my arms around her shoulders, pulling her against me. I could hear the sobs coming from her, the vibrations rumbling through her chest as she pressed her face into my jacket.

"Bella? Hey, what happened?" I asked as I lifted her face, hooking my finger under her chin so she would look at me. She sniffled and wiped her sleeve beneath her nose, the tears staining the material as her watery eyes found mine.

"I got fired," she said quietly, licking her dry lips and swallowing thickly. "I guess Mrs. Newton found out about my mom and her husband. She came in...and she said – ugh, she said awful things about my mom and fired me."

"What?" I said angrily, looking back into the store as Mike stood at the counter with a dejected facial expression. "She can't do that. She has no reason to fire you."

"Edward, please leave it alone. I don't care. I just want to go home. I talked to my mom too, on my break. The divorce..." She trailed off and shook her head, nearly falling apart in my arms.

"Okay, let's go," I said, kissing her forehead and taking her to the passenger seat. When we got home, Esme was coming down the stairs and saw Bella, frantically asking what was wrong. That night we talked to Esme a lot, about everything. Bella told her all about the affair, the divorce, Mrs. Newton, her being fired. Esme was understanding about the entire situation, comforting Bella and telling her about the time _her _parents got divorced.

I was glad we had seen her on our way in, because Esme's reassurance helped Bella calm down a little bit. She was still upset and wallowing, but that was to be expected.

She cried herself to sleep that night and I held her as she drifted, her quiet sobs finally breaking off and leaving her in a hopefully peaceful slumber. I didn't fall asleep for some time after, but when I did, it was somewhat restless as Bella was sleep talking intensely, mumbling things about her mom and the divorce.

We were both groggy when we woke up, and Bella's voice was thick with sleep and tears as she quietly said, "Good morning."

"Hey," I replied, rubbing my thumb along her cheekbone and giving her a small smile. The smile she returned was so painfully incomplete that it looked more like a grimace than anything. "How are you?" I knew it was a stupid question to ask, as she clearly wasn't alright, but I wanted her to know that she could talk to me.

"I feel like shit," she admitted honestly. "I kind of don't want to go to school."

"Then don't," I told her, continuing my back and forth motion with my thumb. "Just stay here all day and sleep."

"You won't stay, will you?" She asked quietly.

"I probably shouldn't," I said, dragging my fingers into her hair and sliding my thumb up her temple. "If I want to go to college next year, I need to get my grades up."

Bella's smile when I said that was so massive that I smiled too.

"You really want to go?"

"Bella, I'll go wherever you go. Besides, the idea's kind of growing on me," I told her with a shy grin.

"You have no idea how happy that makes me," she said, closing her eyes. "Thank you."

I kissed her softly on the lips before getting up and going through my morning routine without her. I sat with her until I had to leave for school and she was practically asleep by the time I left, so I kissed her cheek and went downstairs. Emmett was waiting by the front door when I got there and he was frowning, wondering where Bella was.

"She doesn't feel like going to school," I explained when we were in the car. "She got fired last night from Newton's because Mike's mom found out about the affair."

"What? That's wrongful termination; she can't get fired for personal reasons man."

"I know," I replied, shrugging because I had been thinking the exact same thing last night. "Bella just doesn't care though. She's having a hard enough time as it is."

Emmett nodded solemnly and the rest of the day played out the same way. At lunch, Alice and Rose asked about Bella and I reluctantly told them about it, because all they knew so far was that Bella's parents were getting divorced. They were so concerned about Bella that they left in the middle of lunch to go to my house to see her. I let them go because I figured she could use her girl's right about now.

I'd been texting her frequently, telling her I hoped she felt better and to just relax. She'd been texting back with small messages, a few words at most, telling me she wished I was there and that she was trying to think of anything but last night.

I got a text message just before lunch ended that said: _Alice and Rose are here. _

I smiled and typed back: _I know they are. They were worried. _

She sent back a small, smiley emoticon and I closed my phone, heading to calc and trying to focus on the lesson. When I got home, Alice and Rose were still at our house, having been there since lunch. The girls were all in the living room, sitting on the couch and surrounded by candy, chocolate, soda, and other snacks. They were watching re-runs of The O.C, and I had to shake my head at the scene before me. It made me smile that they could cheer her up with such things.

"Hey," I said from the doorway, grinning when Bella gave me a coy smile, chewing on a stick of liquorice.

"Hi," she replied in a strained voice, likely because she had been crying again. She untangled herself from the blankets on the couch and came over to me, slinking her arms around my waist and hugging me with little force. I returned it and kissed the top of her head, smiling at Alice and Rose as they glanced over to us. Emmett and Jasper came into the room as well and we all hung out for the night – again – trying to cheer Bella up, and being more than successful.

I was so happy we had such good friends, because she would need them now more than ever. Every time she laughed, I was grateful for Emmett's loud mouth, or Rose's habit of smacking him on the back of head, because it made Bella smile.

After a while, we watched a movie, and this time we picked a comedy, settling on an older movie: Fast Times at Ridgemont High. It was hilarious and a classic Sean Penn movie, from the times before he got into really _serious _acting. It made Bella laugh, so I was content with watching it. By the end, she had fallen asleep instead of Emmett, snoring quietly. I smirked because she only truly snored when was either exhausted or drunk. I slowly lifted myself off the couch, careful not to wake her, and walked Jasper and Alice to the front door as Emmett and Rose planned to go in the hot tub.

"Hey, uh, thanks you guys," I said, nodding towards both of them. "I appreciate you being here for her. It's...been hard on her."

"I know," Alice replied, biting down on her lower lip. "I hope she's okay."

"I think she will be," I told her, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "It'll just take time."

Alice and Jasper both gave me small smiles, putting on their coats and shoes as I stood in the hall with them.

"I think...tomorrow I want her to have fun," Alice said to me, zipping up her jacket and fluffing her hair out so it rested around her shoulders. "Maybe we can do something to cheer her up. We're decorating, but maybe we can carve pumpkins or something?"

"Yeah," I said with a grin. "Sure, that would be cool. Uh, want to me to help with anything?"

"Can you get the pumpkins?"

"From where?" I asked, furrowing my brows because I was completely clueless.

"The grocery store, Edward," Alice said with a chuckle. "They should be there in a big bin that says 'pumpkins' on the outside. It's a little hard to miss."

"Okay, Alice, shut it," I said sarcastically. "I'll get the damn pumpkins. Anything else?"

She looked thoughtful for a second before Jasper piped up and said, "How about some patterns and shit. I don't think we have anything to actually carve onto the pumpkin. Just...I think you can get them from Mr. Nelson's craft store."

"Alright," I told him with a nod. "I think I can manage that."

"Thanks," Alice said with a tight smile, reaching over and squeezing her hand against mine. I gathered she was thanking me for more than agreeing for stuff on tomorrow and I mouthed her the words 'you're welcome' before they left.

I went back to the living room and cradled Bella in my arms, being careful as I took her up the stairs and set her down on the bed. I brushed my teeth and changed my clothes, not bothering with Bella's because she was still in her pyjamas; she had been all day.

Sleep came easier that night, and the next morning, Bella woke up in a significantly better mood than the previous day. She was still forcing smiles and being a bit more reserved than usual, but I knew she just needed time to adapt to everything that was happening. When school was finished she walked outside with me, but we waited against the Volvo for Alice to come because she was going home with her since I had to get the pumpkins and the other shit.

"Where are you going?" Bella asked, furrowing her brows.

"It's a surprise," I said with a grin, leaning down to kiss her. "Just go with Alice and I'll be there soon." She gave me another small peck and nodded before following Alice to the Porsche, while I got into the Volvo and headed to the grocery store.

Finding the pumpkins wasn't difficult, just like Alice said. I bought three, one for each couple, and pushed them in a cart to my car, feeling like a forty year-old housewife shopping for the weekly groceries. After that, I went to the craft store, and the old man behind the counter, who everyone knew as Mr. Nelson, helped me pick out patterns and tools for carving the pumpkins. I thanked him on my way out and headed to Alice's house, parking in the driveway and calling Jasper from my cell so he could help me get them inside without dropping them.

"How is she?" I asked him, nodding to the house as we lugged the heavy ass pumpkins up the stairs. I was stuck carrying two while he had one and the bag with the craft stuff in it.

"She's been good," he said with a smile. "They're all decorating and talking about tomorrow. She seems a lot better than yesterday."

"Good," I said, trying to smile but feeling too overwhelmed with the weight of the pumpkins for it to come off properly. Jasper turned the knob on the door and kicked it open, wincing when it smacked back against the hall closet.

"Oops," he said quietly, stepping inside and allowing me to do the same. I hastily set the pumpkins on the ground because I could feel them slipping, and when I stood again, Bella was there, with a handful of fake cobwebs, smiling brightly.

"You got pumpkins?" She asked. I wiped my hands off on my jacket and ran them through my hair, nodding.

"Yep, we're going to carve them. I bought designs too."

She agreed excitedly, and went back into the foyer and party area, where she, Alice, Rose, and Emmett were currently decking it out in Halloween paraphernalia. So far, it looked pretty good. Fake cobwebs were strewn all over the bar along the wall, the couches, the tables, and the banister. Big fake spiders were stuck in the cobwebs, along with other small, fake bugs. A large skeleton was near the entryway, and for some reason, he had a top hat on his skull.

"What's with the skeleton's hat?" I asked, flicking the tip of it as I passed him.

"Well we have to make him look fancy too!" Alice said, putting her hands on her hips. "He's not invited to the party if he doesn't dress up."

I laughed and shook my head, taking in the rest of the room and helping Bella with the fake cobwebs.

After we were done, we decided to carve the pumpkins. We thought the best place to do this was in the kitchen, because we could spread newspaper over the table and carve them there. It took us _forever _to get it right.

First, we picked a design. Bella and I chose to do an easier one, a design that had two ghosts on it. Rose and Emmett picked a harder one, the head of Frankenstein, and Alice and Jasper did some bats. It took almost a half an hour to poke little holes into the fucking piece of paper so it transferred onto the pumpkin, and I may have sworn under my breath the entire time because it was nearly impossible to get the paper to lie flat.

After that, we hollowed out the pumpkin, and Bella dug in, sticking her hand in and pulling out the guts.

"Ew, it's all squishy," she said, squeezing her hands together and watching as the pumpkin guts spilled all over the newspaper covered table. "Try it."

"Fuck no," I said, shaking my head. "That's all you."

"Come on, it feels cool," she told me, pulling more guts out and smiling as she squished them in her hands again. "Look, even Rose is doing it."

I glanced over and Rosalie had her hands buried in the pumpkin, her nose scrunched up as she pulled stringy, orange shit from inside it. I huffed and began rolling up my sleeves, hooking them over my elbows so they wouldn't fall down and get covered in nasty pumpkin. Bella winked at me and I stuck my hand inside, getting antsy when my fingers curled around slimy, wet, stringy pieces of pumpkin guts.

"Gross," I said, pulling out a handful and tossing it down on the table.

"It feels weird, huh?" She asked me, grinning and reaching in to get more out as well. I had to admit, hollowing out the pumpkin was kind of fun. It felt weird and strange, but it was fun with Bella. She kept squishing them between her hands and letting them fall to table as she laughed with Alice about the texture.

By the time they were hollowed out, there wasn't a single string left inside, I made sure of it. We then proceeded to carve the pumpkins, which was also a task. Bella and I took turns, and this was about the time we started getting frustrated. Emmett was having a hard time cutting out the tiny pieces of Frankenstein's neck, and I was having a hard time cutting out the stupid eye hole for the ghosts. Alice and Jasper picked the easiest design, so they were done first, and it looked really good.

I gave up trying to cut the eyes out and Bella took over, carving the rest of the design and turning it to me when it was done.

"There," she said, "all done."

"It looks good," I said, reaching out and running my finger over it. "I think you're more cut out for this than I am."

She shrugged her shoulders, turning it back to her and tilting her head as she examined it. "I'm just more patient than you are," she told me with a smirk. "Hey Ali, do you have candles?"

"Yep," Alice said, hopping off her chair and going to the drawer on the other side of the kitchen. She came back with three tea light candles and a barbecue lighter, setting them down so we could put the candles in the pumpkins.

Bella lit all three and passed one to Rose and Alice before dropping one inside our pumpkin and putting on the lid. I went over to the switch and flicked it off, looking back over to the table and watching as all three jack-o-lanterns glowed in the darkness.

"They look so good!" Alice said excitedly, bouncing next to Bella as everyone stood around the table. "Awesome job." She gave Bella a high-five and hugged Jasper, being giddy and just...Alice.

I stood behind Bella and leant down, running my hands up and down her arms while my mouth hovered near her ear.

"Did you have fun?" I asked, gently massaging her upper arm with my thumbs.

"I did," she replied, nodding enthusiastically. "Thank you, for doing this. I know I've been a bit of a downer lately... I –"

"You have every right to be upset," I said to her, cutting her off before she apologized for being upset over something she should be upset about. "I just wanted to cheer you up."

She turned in my arms and smiled up at me, running her fingers over my unshaven jaw.

"Well thank you," she replied quietly. "It worked."

**

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**A/N: **You know I love to hear what you all think! And I'll make you a deal: if you review, I'll give you a small teaser for next week's chapter AND promise that it will be up on Saturday like I planned : ) If you review anonymously, and would like to get a teaser, you can contact me by email if you would like. It's xo_tann_xo(at)hotmail(dot)com. Or you could always come over and join us on the FanFicAholics Anon group on FB and talk to me on there. My name is Tanya and I'm an admin!

The song quoted at the beginning of the chapter is called Blue and Yellow, by The Used. Awesome song, and an older one. I'm totally in love with their new CD.

Drop by and leave me some love : )

P.S: costumes will be up on my profile next chapter, for both the guys and the girls, and some others too that I'm adding into the chapter ; )


	22. Distractions

**A/N: **Hey all! So this is Alice and Jasper's much awaited Halloween party. And look at that, it's on time too! I'm posting earlier than I would have liked, actually, because I have to work.

I just wanted to take a second to thank ALL of you who reviewed last chapter. That was my biggest response ever, and your lovely comments pushed me over the 300 review mark. I can't tell you how giddy and happy that made me. So thanks for all the words of encouragement! I appreciate everything you have to say. And just in case people don't know this, I reply to all my reviews. So don't be shy ;)

Massive, gigantic, HARD love to my fucktastic beta's Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. I swear, I want to fly to where you both live and give you big, sloppy kisses. I love you that much.

Alright, enough from me.

Enjoy!

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"_**These feelings won't go away**_

_**They've been knocking me sideways**_

_**I keep thinking in a moment that**_

_**Time will take them away**_

_**But these feelings won't go away"**_

**b.p.o.v**

I woke up on Saturday morning, still burdened with the entire divorce and what happened Wednesday night, when I was _fired. _I was trying to be brave, trying to pretend like this wasn't crushing me inside, but it wasn't working. I couldn't shield myself from Edward and be dishonest with him after everything we'd been through. This week he'd been so sweet and understanding, showing me an Edward I never knew existed.

I owed it to him to be honest about absolutely everything, and in the end, it worked out for the best. I had people to share everything with, rather than keeping it all bottled up inside until the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't want to close myself off when I needed my friends, and more importantly Edward, the most.

I shifted in his bed, thinking back to that night and everything Mrs. Newton said to me. I found it highly unnecessary that she had said such horrible things about my mother _to my face, _but I could understand why she hated her so much. Her life was falling apart as well, being torn to pieces by my mother, but even so, there were two people involved. Her husband was to blame too. I'm sure she'd already ripped him a new one, but the way she talked about my mom was so intensely filled with hatred you would think it was entirely her fault.

I couldn't stand to listen to it a second longer, and before I knew it, Mrs. Newton was 'letting me go,' as she liked to put it.

Mike had been standing at the door the entire time, and when I turned around, his face was pale and his hands were shaking as they rested on the wooden frame. Tears had already streaked my face by that time, and I simply shrugged my shoulders at him, passing under his arm and running back to the front counter to get my phone. I called Edward immediately, my anxiety spiking and making me so upset that I could hardly stand.

I stood outside because I didn't want to be in the store anymore and steadied myself against the wall, thinking about earlier in the night when my mom called and told me she'd talked to my dad. They had agreed on a divorce. She said she'd likely stay with my aunt, who lived just outside of Seattle, and that she'd probably look for a place in the New Year. I couldn't even voice my concern about where I would go because words escaped me.

I had mumbled a couple of 'mmhmm's' and told her I'd talked to her the next day, only to hide out in the bathroom for ten minutes before composing myself and going back to work.

I didn't even really care that I got fired.

I could handle the fact that I no longer had a job, because that was replaceable, but what got to me the most was how harsh Mrs. Newton was. Her words got under my skin and the woman made me cry in front of her. What kind of mother makes another kid – that's not _hers – _cry?

As far as I was concerned, I didn't want to work for her anymore. I didn't care that I was fired for all the wrong reasons, and I didn't want to dwell on it. I just needed to worry about things that mattered and move forward, trying to focus on progressing with Edward and my parents' divorce. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it, but I knew I had to talk to my mom.

I needed to know when she was planning on leaving and what I was supposed to do in her absence. I really was at a loss. I had no clue how to move on from all of this.

I coughed quietly, hoping not to wake Edward because I didn't want him to fret about me being an over-emotional retard who couldn't handle her parents getting divorced. My hand trembled slightly as I brushed my hair from my face and I sniffled, cursing myself for crying over this _again. _

"Bella?" Edward croaked from beside me, his tone confused. I hastily wiped at my cheeks and turned to him, plastering the most normal smile I could muster on my face.

"Hey," I said, watching as he squinted at me in the faint light coming in through the bedroom window.

"Are you crying?" He asked, reaching out and collecting moisture on the tip of his finger from the bottom of my jaw. I sucked in a sharp breath, my nostrils flaring and my chin quivering as I closed my eyes, feeling the hot tears streaking my face despite how hard I was trying to fight them.

"Yes," I whispered in defeat. "God...I – hate this, so much." My breaths came faster, but when Edward's body shifted closer to mine, his hand resting comfortingly on my arm, I was able to control it. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I started counting backwards from ten as Edward's gentle touch scaled the length of my bare skin. I concentrated on calming myself, and although I was still crying a bit, I wasn't about to have a meltdown.

"You okay?" He asked.

My eyes opened unwillingly, still damp from the tears, and I nodded my head. "I think so," I replied with a shrug. "I'm just...confused."

"I know," he said with a sigh, his thumb sliding under the sleeve of my shirt, circling the jutting bone of my shoulder. "It's hard...but try not to think about it."

"I can't," I cried, my voice nothing more than a whisper. "I try to distract myself from thinking about it, but nothing works long enough for my mind to stop drifting back in that direction." My breaths were still choppy and uneven, and my voice cracked with the onslaught of emotions I had been subjected to so early in the morning.

"I think I can distract you," Edward replied, slipping one hand beneath my ribs and gripping my bicep with his other. He lifted me and rolled me on top of him, resting my head on his chest so my hair fanned out across his arm, dangling on the sheets beneath us. "Tell me something," he said, sitting up a little bit so his back was supported by the pillow instead of his head. My position shifted a tiny bit, but I stayed sprawled out over him nonetheless, my head tilting to the side so I could see his face.

"Like what?" I asked, watching as Edward yawned lazily and licked his lips.

"I don't know," he told me with a grin. "Something. Is there any way I can convince you to tell me what you're going as tonight?" He asked, raising his brows and giving me one hell of a crooked smile that would have made me fall for him if I wasn't already madly in love with him. I got lost in his perfectly straight teeth and his soft lips, completely disregarding the fact he had asked me a question until he called my name.

"Bella?"

"Huh?" I asked, dragging my eyes up to his. "Oh...no. There's _no _way I'm telling you. But I can tell you one thing though," I continued, using the words he'd said to me when _I _asked if I could see what he was, leaning up so my lips brushed the side of his unshaven jaw. "You'll definitely like it."

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed harshly, and I grinned from the feel of his facial hair as I kissed the length of his jaw, travelling carefully down his neck. My hand skimmed the fabric of his shirt and I slipped my fingers beneath it, feeling the heat of his skin burning against mine as I gently nipped at his throat.

Faster than I had time to process it, Edward flipped us over, his hands gently holding my hips as he let his weight sink down on me. The slight pressure of his body on mine was familiar and comforting, and I sighed quietly as he held himself up on his forearms so he didn't crush me.

"Do you think Alice would be pissed if we skipped the party and stayed here all day?" He asked with a deep, throaty chuckle that made my body react intensely. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine, kissing him deeply and lifting my hips until they firmly connected with his.

"I think she would be furious," I whispered to him, carding my fingers into his hair as he hooked his hand under the crook of my right knee and draped it around his back, resting my heel on his ass. He slid against me, his hardness pressing into all the right places and eliciting a tiny gasp from my parted lips.

"Is my distraction working?" He mumbled as he bent his neck, sweeping his mouth along my exposed collarbone as his scruff scratched the side of my face. Instead of it tickling me or making me itchy, the hair turned me on even more. I loved it when he didn't shave for a few days because it served as a sort of aphrodisiac for me. My eyes fluttered and rolled back in my head at the feel of his hair and lips and teeth on my throat, and I moaned, tightening my leg around his ribcage so our chests touched.

"I take that as a yes?" He said, his voice low and husky. I nodded quickly, not even sure I remembered what the question was that I had answered. It didn't matter though, because the next second it was forgotten as Edward rocked his pelvis against mine, his length pleasurably brushing the apex between my thighs.

My breaths turned shallow and they quickened as my arousal heightened, but before we got carried away, a small knock sounded from the other side of Edward's door.

"Seriously?" I said, whimpering at the loss of contact with Edward's body as he rolled off me. "How early is it?"

"It's not," he replied, his breathing heavy. "It's almost ten."

I groaned and sat up as another knock came from the door. "I think that's Alice then," I said to him. "Come in," I called in the general direction of where the knocks were originating. The door opened and the light flicked on, the brightness irritating my eyes because they had been accustomed to the near darkness.

"Morning," Alice's voice said with a chuckle as I squeezed my eyes shut. "Am I...interrupting something?"

I peeled my lids back and Alice was smirking at us from the doorway as Edward sat nervously next to me, a small section of the blanket and his hands covering his crotch because he was likely still hard.

"Perhaps," I said with a coy smile, crawling over him and padding across the room to where Alice was standing. "I'll be down in a few," I told her.

"No quickie," she said with a playful glare, pointing her finger at me. I snapped at her finger with my mouth, clenching my teeth together quickly, and she giggled, pulling her hand away and sticking it behind her back. "I'm serious, we have work to do."

I rolled my eyes. "Cockblock."

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, turning around and heading to the staircase. "Bus leaves in ten, bitch."

"Okay," I said, turning around and shutting the door. I leant against it and watched Edward from the other side of the room as his hands relaxed.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"I forgot to mention this yesterday, but Alice is abducting me for the day to help out with the rest of the decorations and setting up for the party. Plus, she's helping me with my costume," I said as I made my way over to him. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and parted them so I could stand between them.

"So I won't see you until tonight, when you're in costume?" He asked, his face wearing a look that told me he was seriously afraid.

"No, you won't see me until then," I said, questioning his demeanour. "Why?"

His eyes widened and he motioned down to where he was still straining his pyjama pants. "You're fucking leaving me like _this_, and the next time I'll see you is when you'll probably look so hot I won't be able to stand up," he said, his voice cracking. I couldn't help it; I laughed. "It's not funny, Bella, I'm serious," he whined, threading his fingers into his hair.

"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head as I continued to laugh. "I can't help it. You're really cute when you're flustered."

He huffed and looked up to me, his jaw tightening, but not in the way it always had. This time, it was to keep himself from smiling.

"Just...be aware that I may drag you away from the party later," he said, seriousness coating his tone. I smirked at him, pushing against his chest until he lay down on the bed. I climbed over his legs, straddling his waist and leaning down so my hair hung like a curtain around us.

"I was actually counting on it," I told him, my eyes connecting with his as my teeth sought out his bottom lip.

"Bella," he growled, "unless you want Alice to come back in here to find us naked, I suggest you get off me."

I huffed and sat up; flinging my hair back over my shoulders as I purposely ground myself against him. His hands clenched at his sides and he shot me a warning glare, silently begging me to do as he said before Alice interrupted us again.

"Fine," I said, conceding to defeat as I hopped off the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me, grinning as he was doing absolutely nothing to hide the bulge in his pants. "Are you going to take care of that?" I asked, nodding to his erection.

He smirked. "Well I'm not going to walk around all day with it," he quipped back, quirking his brow.

"Okay, smart ass. I was just wondering if you wanted a little bit of...visual stimulation, before I left," I said, smiling innocently. His eyes narrowed and he sat up all way, watching me as I tried to play it cool.

"What do you mean?" He asked skeptically.

I rolled my eyes at how utterly clueless he was sometimes and brought my hands to the hem of my shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to the floor before hooking my thumbs in my shorts and pulling them down, leaving them in a pool at my feet.

"Visual stimulation," I repeated, gesturing to my now naked self.

"Oh," he said, his knuckles whitening as his fists gripped at the bed sheets surrounding his hips. "That...that – helps."

I grinned and turned around; going over to the bag I had packed all my clothes in when I was last home. I was down to my last clean pair of pants and I figured that I either had to do laundry here, or I had to go home and get some more.

"Bella...seriously," Edward groaned from behind me. I had bent over to grab my clothes, not really intending to torment him, but almost forgetting that I was naked because I was so focused on the clothing situation.

"Sorry," I said honestly, holding my hands up in defeat when I turned back to him. I slid on a new pair of panties and a bra, glancing up to Edward as he continued to watch me redress. His eyes were dark and lustful as he gazed at me, and I sincerely hoped he was serious about dragging me away from the party later. I'm sure there would only be so much of a skanky Jessica Stanley that I could handle, and after this morning, I was desperately praying for a continuation sometime this evening.

"So, I'll see you tonight?" I asked after I finished getting dressed, walking over to the bed as Edward sat uncomfortably on the edge.

"Yeah," he said, giving me a small half-smile. "What time should I be there?"

"Uh," I said, frowning and chewing on the inside of my lip. "I'm not too sure. Nine?"

"How about you call me later and let me know," he replied with another one of those fall-for-me crooked grins that I adored.

"Okay," I muttered, my mouth already curved up into a smile of my own as I bent down to kiss him. "Love...you," I mumbled to him as he tried to deepen the kiss. I knew it would hinder my leaving with Alice, so I was careful not to give in to him.

"I love you too," he sighed when he realized he wasn't going to sway my decision to leave.

I picked up my phone and purse, and just as I was about to leave, I heard _more knocking _on the door.

"I'm coming in!" Alice's voice said as the door pushed open. Her hand was partially covering her eyes as the other was on the doorknob.

"Jesus, Alice, impatient much? We have the entire day," I said with an eye roll as I made my way over to her.

"Sorry," she said, throwing her hands up and waving them around her head. "You know how crazy I get around the holidays, Bella."

"I know," I laughed, resting my hand on the doorframe, turning around to Edward. I gave him a small wave and he returned it as he was nestled in the confines of the blanket once more to shield himself from Alice.

"See yah later Edward," Alice said with a wave. I closed the door to give him his privacy, running my fingers over the ridged indentations on the wood. "Come on Bells, the house isn't going to decorate itself."

I left with Alice and glanced back to the door one last time before I headed down the stairs, smiling to myself because Edward had been successful. I was no longer thinking about my parents. He had distracted me.

---

"Done," I said, putting the plug in the outlet and watching as the hundreds of orange twinkle lights lit up the entire length of the banister leading up the stairs.

"Perfect!" Alice said from the other side of the room, where she was moving the couches with Rose, trying to provide ample space for people to dance later tonight. "That looks great Bella. Do you have any left?"

I went back over to the box that the lights had been in and pulled out another string, holding them up for Alice to see.

"Okay, um," she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead because she and Rose had been moving the couches for quite a while now, trying to get them in the right spot. "How about you drape them around the rail on the bar? There's a plug just underneath, you'll see it."

I listened as Alice delegated and did as she said. It took me a few minutes to wrap them around the bar, and when I finished, Rose and Alice had _finally _gotten the couches in the proper positions.

"Okay, what's next?" Rose said with a groan, sinking down on the couch, her blond ponytail falling across the cushions.

"Nap time," I said tiredly, dropping next to Rose and resting my head on her shoulder.

"No," Alice said with a giggle, standing in front of us as we both looked up to her with heated glares. She'd had us going since we got here. Jasper took his cue to leave to go to Edward and Emmett's when we arrived, the lucky bastard. "No naps. We're almost done," she said with a slight bounce.

"How are you always so energetic?" Rose asked, shaking her head from side to side, hitting it against mine.

"Yeah?" I asked thoughtfully, raising my brow. "You think Jasper would wear you out, but it seems sleeping with him has had the opposite effect."

Rose giggled from beside me and Alice crossed her arms over her chest, trying to suppress a smile.

"I told you, I get extra hyper around the holidays," she said pointedly, nodding her head to confirm her statement. "And I think I wear Jasper out more than he wears me out," she added with a wink before heading back over to the box of Halloween decorations.

"I don't doubt that," Rose whispered in my ear. I covered my mouth with my hand as I laughed. I stood up and turned back to Rose, hauling her off the couch, tugging her hand with mine until she followed me to the remainder of the decorations Alice was producing from the box.

In less than a half an hour we were done decorating, and the three of us were sweating buckets, smelling like the inside of a men's locker room.

"So when are people getting here?" I asked Alice as we headed to the kitchen to get a drink.

"I told everyone to come for nine, but you know they'll show up early. So, I'm guessing nine-ish is when people will start coming," she replied, handing me a bottle of water and then giving one to Rose. I took a long pull from the bottle, crunching the plastic as I sucked it dry.

"Okay good," I said after I finished drinking. "That's what I told Edward. He was still trying to get my costume out of me this morning." I rolled my eyes and Alice raised her brow at me.

"I'm sure his methods would have worked if I hadn't shown up," she said with a giggle.

"Ooh no they wouldn't have," I replied, shaking my head. "I wasn't about to spill, believe me. I want it to be a surprise. He was...nervous though. It's kind of funny."

"I can't wait to see their reactions to our costumes," Rose said with a mischievous grin. "Serves Emmett right for trying to get it out of me all week too."

I laughed as we all headed out of the kitchen and up to Alice's room. We agreed to start getting ready, even though it was only a little after five. We had to shower, do our nails, hair, make-up, and actually get into our costumes. Since we were all helping each other, it seemed that we would need a lot of time, and besides, I'm sure we'd goof around enough that we'd need the entire four hours.

They allowed me to shower first, and when I was done Rose went in, and then Alice after her. We spent hours talking, getting ready, and watching Interview with the Vampire. It was on my request because I was _dying _to watch it, and I had a massive thing for vampires, for some unique reason. I think maybe it was the concept of the biting, or the eroticism of the bite. I wasn't too sure, but it was arousing.

After the movie was over, we had just finished each other's hair, and were working on make-up. My hair was all done up, with extensions, because Alice said it would give it more volume and would be able to hold the twigs better. It was piled atop my head, tendrils upon tendrils hanging loosely over my shoulders as Alice and Rose tried to shove sticks into my hair as gently as possible.

For Halloween I was a 'forest nymph,' but what I really wanted to be was the fall as a season. It was Edward's favourite, and I wanted to wear something that I knew he'd like, so my costume was the closest I could get to what I wanted. The costume was a tight, brown, shimmering dress that ruffled near the skirt and went to my mid-thigh. Ribbons criss-crossed my mid-section, and two yellow flowers adorned each shoulder near the straps.

Alice was an oldie's rock star. Her hair was curled and teased to as big as she could get it with the small amount she had. Her costume was rather simple, just a long, pink shirt, a blue undershirt, and a silver belt that wrapped around her abdomen. She wore pink, fish-netted tights along with it, and slipped into a pair of silver high heels when she was ready.

And Rose...she was a pilot. The dress was black and white, as short as mine, but revealing much more cleavage than me. The only other accessory she had was a pilot's hat. Her hair was curled beautifully and hung down to her chest. She strategically arranged it to cover herself up because she was afraid Emmett would have a spaz attack when he saw her, but I knew it wouldn't make any difference. She looked hot either way.

"We look good," I said from the mirror as I went into the bathroom, looking at all three of our reflections. Alice was touching up her vibrant make-up, applying a thick layer of gloss to her lips as she looked back at me.

"We look _hot_," she clarified. "The boys will freak. Oh, Bella, I almost forgot, here." Alice handed me a bottle of body glitter and went back to doing her make-up. "Put some of that on your chest, it will make you sparkle," she told me with a wink.

I twisted off the cap and applied it sparingly over my chest, being careful not to use too much so it didn't look tacky. I washed my hands of excess glitter and touched up my mascara and blush. When we were finished, Alice took picture after picture of us as we posed in her room and in the bathroom. After that, we went downstairs and took pictures of the party area before people arrived, so we could remember what it looked like before it got trashed.

I slipped on my heels when I was sitting at the bar, tying the small, yellow bows on the side of my right ankle as Rose helped me secure the one on my left.

"I'm kind of nervous," Rose said, placing my foot back on the ground when she was finished.

"Why?" I asked, smoothing my dress out as I was a little nervous too.

"I don't know," she replied, looking over as Alice snapped another picture of the two of us unknowingly.

"Well I think you need a drink to calm yourself down," Alice told her, going behind the bar and producing a bottle of Grey Goose. "Shot?"

"Please," I said with a grin. As soon as we each did a shot, the doorbell rang, and the party started.

The first people to show were Connor and a few of his buddies, not that we really talked to them, but they were already trashed. It was easy to talk with drunken people, but the awkward thing was that they kept trying to hit on us.

I was thankful when another round of people came a few minutes later, relieving the tension and allowing us to slip away from the drunk football guys. Alice, Rose, and I did another shot and we started the iPod on the dock, setting it on the playlist we had created earlier in the day.

It was quarter after nine, and our guys still weren't here yet, which was making me equally anxious and excited. I was eager to see what Edward was, but at the same time, I was anxious for his reaction to my costume. I tapped my foot against the floor as the three of us stood at the bar, and the doorbell rang yet again, with another few people.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice calling me. I turned around and it was Angela and her boyfriend Ben.

"Angela! Wow, you look amazing," I said to her, being careful as I hugged her because I didn't want to ruin her costume. "What are you exactly?"

"I'm a Queen of the Nile," she said, gesturing to herself with a smile. She had a long, white dress that billowed gracefully to the floor. It was strapless, and blue and gold fabrics were draped across it as well, giving her the true Egyptian look. She had a black wig on that fell around her shoulders, and a gold headband strapped across her forehead.

"You look great," I said, "and what are you Ben?"

"Spartan warrior," he said, lunging forward and pointing his spear at me. I put my hands up in mock surrender and chatted with them for a few more minutes before I left them to go mingle with others. I went over to Rose, who was getting a lot of attention from Connor, and gently pulled her away from him.

"Oh thank God," she said, hugging me forcefully. "He was standing way too close for my liking."

"No problem," I said with a wave. "Do you know where the guys are? Shouldn't they be here?"

"Do you have your phone on you?"

"Upstairs," I told her, pointing to the staircase. "I think I'll go call Edward and see where they are."

I headed up to Alice's room, and when I got there, Alice was already on her phone, clicking away on the screen.

"Are they coming tonight by any chance?" I said sarcastically, sitting down next to her on the couch that was in her room.

"Jasper said they had just left when I called him. He said Edward was the one who took so long," she said with a giggle. "Who knew he could be so high maintenance?" She slipped her phone onto the leather with a soft thud when she was done, and we both sat there, listening as Black Eyed Peas pumped through the house. Alice was bobbing her head, and before I knew it, she was pulling me up, claiming we weren't drunk enough yet and we needed to do another shot.

I agreed whole-heartedly, and we headed out into the hall where the music got even louder. I looked over the edge of the banister, leaning over as far as I could without falling, in search of Edward. My eyes snapped to the front door when it opened, and I found what I was looking for when he walked in with Emmett and Jasper in tow.

"Alice," I said, my voice failing me as I stared dumbly at Edward in his costume. "Alice!" I tugged harshly on her sleeve and she pulled her head up, looking to me.

"What?"

I put both hands on either side of my face because I felt like I was going to over-heat.

"Front door. What. Is. Edward?" I asked, already feeling the effects of the shots I'd taken. Alice looked where I told her to and she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Oh God...he's a – yep, he's a vampire," she said, confirming what I _knew _I saw downstairs.

"I...I can't go down there," I said, glancing back over the banister and watching as Edward searched the crowd of people, likely for me. "Holy hell..."

"Come on Bella, we have to. Look at Jasper!" She said with a giggle. "He's a mob gangster."

As she pulled me down the stairs, I caught sight of Jasper, in his pinstriped suit and his fedora. It was the complete opposite of Jasper's personality, and for some reason, that seemed to suit him. Alice ran to him when she got to the bottom and his eyes went wide when he saw her. I made my way through everyone, trying to get another glimpse of Edward so I could psyche myself up for what he'd look like when I was standing right in front of him.

I came up behind some tall guy in a red and white pinstriped shirt and a hat, and I had to tap him on the shoulder so he would move.

"Oh, sorry," Emmett's voice said as he turned around and looked down to me. "Coop..." He trailed off and his eyes scanned my costume. I did the same to him, laughing when I saw the 'Foot Long' box hanging down in front of his crotch.

"Seriously Em?" I said, hitting the box with my knuckles. I glanced back up to his face and he was still staring at me, making me uncomfortable. "Quit staring," I told him, punching him in the arm. He snapped out of his funk and grinned.

"Sorry, you look great," he replied. "Have you seen Rose?"

"Not lately, she was by the bar the last time I saw her." I pointed behind me and he thanked me before heading off in that direction. When I turned back around, I bumped into someone's chest, and when big, strong, gloved hands wrapped around my biceps to steady me, I felt my breath hitch.

Edward pushed me away, holding me at arm's length as our eyes met.

His face was shaved and pale, much more than usual, accentuating the ferocity of his irises and the darkness of his lashes. His hair was more chaotic than ever, but instead of falling in his eyes, it was sticking up in every direction possible, as if it was being held there with some sort of product. His lips parted as his eyes left mine, and I saw the tips of his teeth peeking out from his mouth.

Fuck me; he had gotten the _real _fangs, not the fake ones.

"What...what are you?" He asked, pulling me closer to him. Since I was in heels, I was already closer to his face, so I didn't have to step up on my toes as much to talk to him.

"I'm a forest nymph," I said, placing my hands against the red and black vest he was wearing. "But I wanted to be your favourite season. This is as close as I could get."

I glanced up to him and he was smiling, his eyes still appreciative of the way I looked because of how they had darkened, just like this morning. They were filled with emotion, and something that was almost predatory, as he gazed down to my dress again. I felt so vulnerable and exposed, but Edward's eyes didn't make me feel like I was being scrutinized; the way he looked at me made me feel sexy.

"I love it," he said, bending his neck so his nose traced the shell of my ear. "You look good enough to eat."

The gruff tone of his voice and the words spoken almost made me lose my balance. I fisted my hands around his vest, and when he pulled back, I uttered the only word I knew would get to him.

"Promise?"

A deep growl rumbled his chest, vibrating through my hands as he bent down, capturing my lips with his and softly massaging them. His willingness to kiss me so openly shocked me, and I stumbled as he pulled my body flush against his. As Edward deepened the kiss my hands travelled up his torso, brushing the ruffles on the front of his vest before my fingers felt the soft, smooth skin of his jaw. I could feel the elongated vampire teeth as my tongue passed between his lips and into his mouth, and my already wet panties dampened even more at how much effort he'd put into getting into character.

Edward as a vampire was officially the most arousing thing I'd seen in my life.

Due to this fact, I was seriously struggling to keep it PG-13 between us right now, and started to pull out of the heat and passion of the kiss. However, before I could do that, Edward jerked forward, bumping into me and almost knocking me over because someone had bumped into him.

"Oops," a voice said from behind Edward, her tone one of mock sincerity. "Sorry Edward." We both turned around, and there stood Jessica, Lauren, and Kelly, their outfits even more slutty than I imagined. They were the epitome of cliché, each of them in the boring, usual costumes.

Jessica was a slutty cop, cleavage pouring through her shirt to the point where I felt like I was going to barf. Lauren was a slutty maid, and again, there was an unnecessary amount of cleavage. Kelly was a slutty nurse. I won't even mention the cleavage again.

"Oh," Jessica then exclaimed, reaching out and fucking_ touching _my boyfriend's chest with her fingers. "Vampire?"

"Yep," he said in a clipped voice, brushing his hand down the front of his vest to get her hand away from him. I tried to hide the amused smile from my face, but it was impossible. She always struggled so hard to get his attention, and it never worked.

When I grinned at Jessica's lame attempt at flirting with Edward, she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Swan," she said with a taut smile.

"Bitch," I replied with a small nod. "Love the costumes," I continued, pointing to the three of them. "So original."

"Thanks!" Kelly said, apparently not sensing the tone in my voice as sarcasm. Either that or she was drunk out of her mind, which was a definite possibility considering she kept swaying and knocking into Lauren. "I love yours too...pretty..." She trailed off and stumbled away from us, and I laughed at her as she retreated.

"Okay..." Edward said, taking my hand. "We'll see you later." He waved off Jessica and Lauren and started pulling me through the crowd, but not before Jessica yelled to us.

"Bye!" Jessica called back. "Oh, and Bella, sorry about your mom."

My feet cemented to the floor and my jaw dropped as I turned to face Jessica, a smug smile on her lips. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or beat the shit out of her, but before I had a chance to do anything, Alice sped by me and Edward pulled me away. I couldn't see what was happening between them, and seconds later, my vision blurred.

"Bella?" Edward said, stopping us near the basement stairs, pushing me against the wall and slouching down so he could see my face. "Bella, look at me." I searched through the haze to find his eyes, but all I could see was pale white and dull green. I wasn't focusing. "Fuck, don't let her ruin tonight. Don't listen to what she said."

"But Edward...people _know, _the whole town will know."

He sighed. "It's a small town, Bella, people talk. Fuck...please, just forget about it for now. Have fun."

"I...I need –"

I wasn't sure what exactly I was trying to verbalize, but what came out of Edward's mouth made me smile.

"A distraction?" He asked, and I could see his bright smile, emphasized even more by the vampire fangs he had on his teeth. I smiled back at him, putting my hands on each of my cheeks so I could both keep myself from crying, and to control how badly I wanted to lunge at him.

"Yeah," I finally said, nodding at him as his gloved hands ran soothing up and down my arms. "I think I need another drink."

"That's my girl," he said quietly, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips against mine. He took my hand and we went back to the bar, where a bunch of people were gathered, as well as Jasper, Rose, and Emmett. As Edward walked, his red, satin cape billowed out behind him, brushing against my legs and adding to the vampire fantasy immensely.

"Hey Jazz, can you get Bella a shot?" Edward asked him when we were close enough.

"Sure," he said with a sympathetic smile. "You okay Bells?" He asked me as he poured me a shot of vodka that I greedily inhaled.

"I suppose," I shrugged. "Another one please."

"Are you sure? Bella, how many is that?" Jasper asked, holding the neck of the vodka bottle as he eyed me.

"I don't know...five. Just...please, Jasper," I said in irritation, tapping the cup against the bar top. He looked behind me to Edward before tentatively pouring another shot in my cup for me. I took a deep breath and tipped back that shot as well, feeling a bit of a head rush as I set it down and gripped the edge of the bar with my hands.

"Whoa, okay, that's enough for now," Edward said, his hands steadying me as he gripped me by the waist. I slumped back against him, resting my head on his shoulder as I looked up to him. "How are you doing?" He asked with a crooked smile.

"Fiiine," I said, dragging it out and then jumping excitedly when the new Hedley song came on over the speakers. "Ooh, I love this song!"

"Me too!" Rose said from beside me, grabbing my hand as she began swaying to the beat. "Come on, let's dance." I let her pull me away and I looked back to Edward, shrugging my shoulders as he laughed and shook his head. On our way, we found a pissed off Alice and brought her with us, converging in the mass of people that were dancing to the song.

Alice loosened up once we got going, laughing and forgetting all about what happened before with Jessica as we let the music guide us. I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as I thought I'd be when I was dancing, and maybe it was because of the alcohol, but I was actually enjoying it.

We spent a long time being lost in the music on the dance floor and made several trips back to the boys to get drinks. Each time Edward would be less reluctant to let me go because he kept telling me how much it was killing him to watch me look so 'fucking sexy,' out there, as he liked to put it.

A new song came on, and in an instant, Alice was screaming the lyrics in my ear.

"_Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Grab my glasses I'm out the door, I'm going to hit this city. Before I leave, brush my teeth, with a bottle of Jack, cause when I leave, for the night, I ain't coming back."_

Her words were slurred and I laughed as she pulled me away from Edward and into the crowd once more, Rose clinging onto my other arm. I moved my hips to the beat, watching in amusement as Alice sang the words to the song and swung her tiny hips from side to side, not caring who was in her way because she was in her own little world.

Halfway through I felt hands on my waist, and I turned slightly, seeing a mass of red behind me, followed by Edward's pale face and his gorgeous grin.

"I thought you said you didn't dance?" He asked, his hot breath tingling the hairs on the nape of my neck as he pressed himself against me, moving with me to the beat of the music.

"I don't," I said, wanting to laugh at my answer but finding it too difficult because I was absolutely entranced by my feelings. It was the most natural thing, to be dancing with him, relishing in the heat of his body as he contoured himself to me, eliminating all space and air that was separating us. It was so...erotic. The way he moved, combined with what I knew he was wearing, made my mind race with naughty vampire fantasies that I was desperate to pursue.

As the song came to a close I wrapped my hand around the back of Edward's head, pulling him closer to me so I could whisper in his ear.

"I think I need a better distraction now," I sighed, slightly out of breath from dancing. He stopped moving and pulled his head up, his eyes flickering down to my lips before he exhaled heavily.

"Me too," he replied in a whisper. I threaded my fingers through his satin covered ones, tapping Alice on the shoulder. She turned around and leaned in so she could hear me.

"Can...we use your room?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at her and smiling widely, as if that would somehow sway her decision. She glanced behind me to Edward and threw her head back in laughter before nodding.

"Wash my sheets in the morning," she said with a wink, waving us off and resuming her dance with Jasper. I towed Edward behind me as I made my way through the crowd of people to the staircase that was illuminated by the twinkle lights I had decorated it with. Just before we ascended, I saw Mike, dressed up as a freaking lumberjack, making out with Jessica on the couch. I shuddered, thinking they really did make the perfect couple as I headed up the steps with Edward.

I pulled him into Alice's room and slammed the door shut, flicking on the light and shrieking as Edward hauled me off the floor and carried me to Alice's bed. I fell to the sheets, bouncing slightly as Edward kicked his shoes to the ground and crawled on the bed with me.

"You have no _idea_, what you do to me," he growled, pulling on each finger of his gloves until they were both off, landing in a pile somewhere around us. His bare hands stroked my legs and my eyes fluttered closed at the skin-to-skin contact I had been craving the entire night. His right hand ran under the ruffled skirt and he groaned, dropping his head and advancing further, until he was hovering above me.

"What are you wearing under there?" He asked, fingering the hem of my panties and trying to figure out which ones they were. I smirked wickedly because they were new. I grabbed at the bottom of my dress and manoeuvred the fabric until it rested around my abdomen, leaving my lower half exposed for Edward to see.

"Fuck," he breathed, fumbling as he tried to take them off because it felt like he was shaking. "Why haven't I seen these before?" He discarded them to the side and threw his cape over his shoulders, parting my legs with his hands, his fingers exploring the aroused skin between my thighs. I gasped when his fingers circled my entrance and slipped inside me. I curled my hands around the comforter because being drunk certainly amplified the feeling.

"I was...saving them, for tonight," I answered, watching as Edward sunk down off his knees, working his fingers as well as utilizing his tongue and lips to bring me to climax. I was so aroused already that I felt my first orgasm before he'd even been down there for two minutes, my fingers desperately searching for his hair as I came down from my state of euphoric bliss. I forgot he had wax in it to keep it up and grabbed myself a fistful of waxy hair, scrunching my nose up at the texture.

I kept my hands in his hair anyway, because for some reason, I liked the wax too. Edward's lips travelled over my skin, leaving soft, innocent pecks around my hips and abdomen. He glanced up to me through his impossibly dark eyelashes before descending on the inside of my thigh, pulling his lips back over his teeth and biting me with the fangs.

My breathing grew ragged as his teeth pleasurably assaulted my tender flesh, likely leaving small marks as my need to have him increased to an almost unbearable level. As much as I enjoyed what he was doing, it wasn't nearly enough.

I gently tugged on his hair so he would look at me, my face still contorted because of the feel of the wax on my fingers.

"Sorry," he said with a smirk, licking his lips and sitting up on his knees. "I know it feels weird...the wax, I mean."

I waved my hand at him, closing the subject because I didn't want to talk right now.

"No more talking," I said, crawling over to him and pushing him down until his was lying flat. "No more foreplay," I continued, reaching behind me to undo the zipper around my back. I wiggled out of the dress and tossed it to the side, unclasping the canary yellow, strapless bra that matched the panties and throwing it where I had discarded the dress.

"I just want you to fuck me," I told him, undoing the button on his black dress pants and tugging them down his legs. He kicked them off the end of the bed and began undoing his vest as he sat up, watching me through hooded eyes as I ran my hands up his boxers, wrapping my fingers around his length and pumping him slowly.

When the vest was gone he began working on the black dress shirt, but I stopped him.

"No, no, don't take it all off," I begged, lifting myself up and straddling his thighs. "You have no idea how much your costume turns me on."

"Oh, I think I have an idea," he said, his hands fanning out across my back as his lips and vampire teeth scaled the swell of my breasts. I arched into him, pushing his mouth closer as my fingers slipped under the satin of the cape. His hands left my back and ventured down, falling beneath my body as Edward's position shifted. I realized it was so he could take off his boxers when his cock nudged me in the thigh, and I gasped quietly as he gently thrust his hips up, sheathing himself inside me.

My head dropped to his shoulder as he grasped me by the hips, helping me rock against him in slow, deliberate movements. I tried to grind on him faster, but his speed held, working me into an angry, horny, drunken rage.

I rolled off Edward and tugged him with me so he would be on top. I pulled his mouth to mine, parting his lips with my tongue as I guided him back into me, hoping it would increase his pace. It did nothing of the sort and I groaned in frustration.

"You're killing me," I whimpered, rubbing my foot along his bare thigh.

"What do you want, Bella?" He asked in exasperation.

"I want you to do it harder," I pleaded in a tiny voice, the alcohol making me more emotional than usual.

"I can't," he replied, dropping his head to my chest and tenderly kissing my glittering skin. "I'm so afraid that I'll be too rough. I'll hurt you. Bruise you. I refuse to do that ever again. I –"

"Edward," I said quietly, lifting his face to mine, cupping both his cheeks in my hands. "You won't hurt me. I love when you're like this; caring, slow, romantic. It's amazing, and you make me feel like I'm the only person in the world. But there are some times when I just want you to take me. I want you to be the careless, lustful vampire, and I want you to disregard all of that other stuff. Please..."

His hands were insistent and nervous on my hips as he buried himself deeper inside of me, coaxing a string of profanities from the back of my throat.

"If I hurt you," he said, stilling himself for a moment as his breathing faltered, "you tell me, okay?"

I nodded quickly as he leant down, taking my lips with his and forgetting all about being gentle with me.

Edward stayed true to his word and brought out the dangerous, predatory vampire, giving into his baser instincts, and not once treating me carelessly. His touches were rough and lips forceful on my skin, but he was nowhere close to hurting me, because he wasn't in that frame of mind.

He wasn't angry or brooding or depressed. He wasn't bottling things up or hiding what he felt. Edward was Edward. Things were out in the open and he told me his concerns about why he wanted to hold back from taking me_ exactly_ like he wanted to.

He was the person I always wanted him to be, and for the first time since we'd been together, we were finally with each other.

**

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**A/N:** So...? Thumbs up, thumbs down? Let me know what you thought : )

The song quoted at the beginning of the chapter is thanks to **teambella23**. She informed me a great band, called Citizen Cope, and the song used at the beginning is by them, called Sideways. Great song, check it out.

The song that Alice sings obnoxiously to is one that I seriously love right now, despite how much I hate myself for it. Tic Toc by Kesha. Can't. Stop. Listening. To. It. It's really bad, I know. New Hedley song – Don't Talk to Strangers. Love it too.

Links to ALL costumes will be on my profile. If nothing else, check out Edward's. Trust me...you'll want to.

That's it! Drop by and leave me some love : )


	23. Moving Forward

**A/N: **Wow, so, my apologies. This was originally supposed to be up on Saturday. I really have no excuse except for RL, and that I was always tired when I had the time to write. Very unfortunate, but it's here.

I appreciate everyone's feedback. I love the reviews every chapter; it lets me know that I'm doing something right and that people actually care about this story. FFN was weird last week, and if you didn't receive a review reply from me, let me know. I replied to ALL, but as it was weird with emails, I don't know.

Much love to GLee68, readingmama, and all my other ladies over at FFA. Thanks for the support when I thought I would shoot myself with how late this was.

My beta and beautiful, lovely Claire, I adore you. Thanks so much for the input and feedback with this one. You know I've been having trouble. I love you : )

This is NOW the dolphin62598 approved version as well. Thanks for being so quick, Jess, my other lovely beta, and thanks for the support as well. You help me out so much. You're awesome : )

Enjoy!

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"_**My heart is under arrest again**_

_**But I'll break loose**_

_**My head is giving me life or death**_

_**But I can't choose**_

_**I swear I'll never give in **_

_**I refuse"**_

**e.p.o.v**

_Heavy feet accompanied my heavy heart as I paved a trail through the snow, my head down and my hood drawn over it to shield my face from the cold. I stuck my hands in my pockets, keeping my eyes trained on my wet shoes as small puffs of air escaped my numb lips with each exhale._

_I tried not to focus on where I was, what I was about to do, but it was all around me. The loss of her hung in the air like a weight, crushing my chest, and I hunched my brows as I walked, blinking back tears._

_I knew it wasn't much further until I would be there; I could feel it as if I'd known where this place was my entire life, though in reality I'd never been here before._

_My breath caught in my throat when I found hers, the warmth no longer brushing against my nose and cheeks. The guilt and sorrow spread up through my stomach and I fell to my knees, the snow soaking the freshly ironed dress pants I was wearing. I didn't care about the wet or the cold or how badly my lungs were aching for air._

_I reached out, shaky fingers sweeping across the icy, smooth surface as the soft flakes fell from the stone. I let out a painful gasp and cast my eyes down, to where my knees had left noticeable indentations in the otherwise untouched snowfall. _

_I forced myself to look back up, to the etching in the lifeless block in front of me. My lips pressed together in a tight line as I braced myself against the stone, trying to get a grasp on my emotions as the snow continued to fall softly around me._

_As my fingers began to go numb, I was reminded of words that seemed so fitting: _Passing bells and sculptured angels, cold and monumental. Seem for you the wrong companion, for you were warm and gentle.

_I couldn't recall where I'd heard the words, but as I gazed at the name on the face of the stone, I knew it didn't matter._

_It was then that I felt a hand on my left shoulder, squeezing gently in reassurance, to let me know that I wasn't alone. I never had been. I reached behind me with my right and placed it over the warm, wool mitten, turning my head slightly._

"_Edward," her gentle voice said. I tried to reply but words would not come. _

"Edward..."

Nails scratched comfortingly against my scalp and I was pulled abruptly from my dream. I sat quickly, my breathing hard as I glanced around the room, trying to make sense of what I'd envisioned.

"Hey," Bella said concernedly, her hand running a circuit across my over-heated, bare back. "Are you okay? You're sweating."

"I'm fine," I whispered, putting my palm against my forehead to get my thoughts in order. "I had a bad dream."

"You were shaking," she replied, her thumb lightly trailing up my spine, as if to comfort me from the nightmare.

"I was?" I asked, twisting around to look at her. Her hair was a wild mane framing her face, which was free of the make-up she'd had on last night. She was wearing a tank top that looked entirely too small for her, and as we had slept in Alice's room, I could guess who's drawers she'd sifted through to find something that came close to fitting her.

"Yeah," she said, offering me a tiny smile as I involuntarily smirked at her dishevelled state. "If you say anything about the hair, I'll kick your ass. I know, I know, rats could nest there. People are passed out in the bathroom and I'm not showering while some creep is hanging over the edge of the tub."

"There are people passed out in the bathroom?" I asked in a whisper.

"Yeah," she said with a snort. "I don't even want to know what downstairs looks like."

I sighed and lay back down, feeling the cool, damp comforter against my back, instantly reminding me of the dream I'd had. I raked my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes and tightening my grip over the wax that was still holding the curls in any direction they were manipulated.

"Can I be honest with you?" Bella asked, and I felt her position shifting until her warm, soft skin brushed against mine.

"Always," I replied, tilting my head and finding her to be much closer than I expected as I opened my eyes.

"I kind of like the wax," she said, gently exhaling. "It's...different."

"It's Emmett's," I admitted. She smiled wistfully, reaching up and grazing the backs of her fingers over the styled tips of my hair. They fell down to my temple, drifting across my cheekbone before she smoothed her index finger beneath my eye.

"You look tired," she told me, dropping her hand to my chest, flattening her palm against my heated skin. "Did you sleep well?"

"I guess," I shrugged. "I don't know...sleep has been better and worse lately."

"How so?"

"Well..." I trailed off, trying to figure out how to explain it to her properly. "I just – my insecurities, I guess, about...us, are gone. But so much other shit has cropped up because of that."

"So, because you finally told me the truth, things have been fucking up?" She asked, pulling her hand away and recoiling from me. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"No," I gasped, "Bella, no." I matched her movement for movement as she tried to shift away. "That's not what I meant," I told her, digging my fingers into the tank top to stop her from putting as much distance between us as possible. She relented when she'd heard me, allowing me to pull her closer again until her small frame was nestled into my side.

She looked up to me, her eccentric locks sticking out like a sore thumb against Alice's light purple pillows. Her brown eyes were saddened, laced with an edge of anger.

"I'm so fucking incompetent sometimes," I said, shaking my head. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Then can you please explain to me what you _did _mean," she replied, her tone harsh but her emotions betraying her nonetheless.

"It's just..._us_, Bella, we're finally good," I started, motioning with my hand from her to me, skimming my fingers along the low, revealing neckline of her top. "And other shit...it's not. I sleep better, at ease about us. Then with what you're going through and things with my dad – I'm having dreams...nightmares."

"I know what you mean," she whispered in response, the faint scent of vodka hitting my nostrils as she spoke.

"My God you smell like alcohol," I told her, turning my head slightly. "How much did you drink?"

"Enough," she replied, her eyes diverting from mine. "I guess it was a way to deal with all that 'other shit' you were referring to. But it didn't work. Instead, I smell like the floor of bar, I have a mad hangover, and I still feel like crap."

I sighed, bending my neck and resting my forehead on her cheek, "why can't this just be...easy?" I asked, kissing the corner of her mouth.

"I wish I could answer that," she said, lines creasing her skin as she frowned. She turned slightly and her lips were on mine, her heavy emotions evident as she softly whimpered and reached up, tangling her fingers in my wax-coated hair. The actions we shared were an outlet, a way to express all of our frustration and pain and hurt.

Talking about it made us angry and depressed, leaving us to wonder what to do next and where that left us in the grand scheme of things. We were each other's relief. Even if we could only escape reality for mere minutes, it was worth it because Bella was the only person in the world that could tear me away from the guilt and horror of my past.

Now that she knew, there were no walls.

I was comfortable with her now, natural in my actions. I wasn't acting off years of residual anger at my father for fucking me up so bad I found it hard to speak the word 'Chicago.' I was allowing myself to trust her, to confide in her when even the smallest things were bothering me, such as last night. I didn't want her to assume shit that wasn't right, getting mad at me for a misinterpretation, such as just now.

I wanted her to understand why I was behaving the way I was.

However, despite all of the progress we were making, we had a mass of hindrances waiting to bog us down with their complexity. Words no longer seemed appropriate. She knew how I felt about her. I'd made it fucking clear as crystal on many occasions that I wanted her, in every capacity. In turn, I knew she felt the same.

So while we tried to brave the sudden shit storms that decided to surround us, we had a small place in this world where we could just be ourselves, and that was with each other.

It was the reason we were cuddled on Alice's bed, me nipping softly at her throat before biting down harder as she let out a contented sigh. Our thoughts were elsewhere, leaving just the physical manifestation of our feelings, and at this point in our relationship, that wasn't a negative thing. It was exactly what we needed.

"Mmm," Bella hummed, running her fingers in a circular motion over my bicep. "You know, I keep thinking I'm going to feel the teeth when you bite me," she said with a throaty chuckle.

"I can put the teeth back on," I said, quirking my brow as I tilted my head up so I could see her face. She smiled wickedly but shook her head.

"We can save the fantasy for another night," she replied, her teeth scraping against her bottom lip before her skin coloured so faintly I thought I could have chalked it up to my eyes failing me.

"You want me to dress up in that again?" I asked, nodding my head to the floor, where the entirety of my costume had taken up residence during the night.

"Well considering my reaction, wouldn't you _want _to wear it more often? Although, I'm sure the cape and the fangs would suffice," she sighed. "I could live without all those layers you were wearing."

"Those were hardly layers Bella," I said with a laugh, shaking my head at how it seemed like so much more of an effort when you were drunk to undress. What was seconds for a sober person was like minutes for someone under the influence.

"Either way," she shrugged. "No pants."

"Then we agree on something," I whispered, ghosting my lips across her cheek before descending to her neck once more. I knew if I wasn't careful she'd bruise again with the incessant abuse from my lips and teeth, but the incredibly arousing approval from Bella quickly told the voice in my head to fuck off and mind its own business.

I pressed my lips to her pulse point, feeling the slightly elevated thumps against my skin as I brushed my hand over her shoulder, bringing down the strap of the tank top. I alternated sides, drawing the tight shirt down her chest and abdomen, letting it rest at her waist. She was beautifully exposed beneath me, her skin glittering faintly in the subdued sunlight, as if millions of diamonds had imbedded themselves in her flesh.

My bare chest brushed against Bella's as my lips contoured hers, slowly easing down the front of her body until I reached her breasts. I kissed gently at first, becoming increasingly more urgent, using my teeth to arouse her, just like last night. I bit down on the soft skin, eliciting a strangled cry from the back of Bella's throat, pushing me to continue.

One more thing fucked up in life, and the door to Alice's room swung open, smacking hard against the wall, startling both Bella and myself from our secluded bubble.

"Ugh," a voice said as I quickly covered Bella with myself and turned my face to the door in anger. Alice stood there, staring at the ceiling and leaning all of her weight on the doorframe. "I'm just going to ignore the fact that I saw that," she said, focusing her tired, bloodshot eyes on us. Compromising position be damned, Alice strode over to the bed and plopped down unceremoniously.

"Better wash my sheets," she mumbled, stretching herself out on the space that we weren't occupying, in one of Jasper's over-sized sweaters. "I think I'm still drunk."

"Alice?" Bella said, looking to me with furrowed brows as her hands were still flat against her chest from when she'd tried to conceal herself.

"Hmm?"

"How the hell are you still drunk? Did you sleep last night?"

"For like ten minutes. Do you know there are people in my fucking bathtub? What the shit?" She said in an angry whimper.

Bella smiled briefly before motioning me away. I shifted off her, exposed to her pale skin once more as her hands flew from her tits down to the shirt, sliding it up and securing it back over her shoulders. She sat up and crawled to Alice, hovering above her and cocking her head to the side.

I was marginally unimpressed with the strain on my boxers as Bella's ass was clad in nothing more than the yellow thong she'd worn the night before. I fought the urge to reach down and touch myself, and instead I drew the blanket over my waist, sitting up as I listened to the conversation between Alice and Bella.

"I think we should get people moving, Alice," Bella said, resting back on her heels as Alice sat up, leaning on her elbows.

"I know, but Jasper's still sleeping. God knows about Rose and Emmett. I couldn't find them," she replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Where did you check?" I asked.

"Just up here, I'm scared to go downstairs," she admitted with a lazy smile.

"Let us just get changed and we can –"

"Alice?" A voice called from down the hallway. We all looked to the door, and as Alice's name was called again, I recognized it as Jasper. I glanced to Bella and my stomach sank. I leant forward quickly, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her back against me, so she sat between my legs. I wrapped my arms around her and crossed them over her chest and she tilted her head, looking up to me quizzically.

"You may as well be naked with how little you're wearing," I whispered in explanation. Bella shook her head and kissed the side of my chin.

"I love you," she replied just as Jasper came into the room.

"Fuck...Alice?" Jasper said, flicking on the bedroom light. My eyes widened when I saw that Jasper's face was covered in blood. His hand was pressed tightly on the left side of his forehead and he was supporting himself on the wall with his other. He grimaced and winced in what seemed like pain as Alice bounded off the bed.

"Jasper, what the hell happened?" Bella asked, wiggling out of my hold and scrambling towards the edge of the mattress.

"I tripped over some asshole in the bathroom. Who the hell told them they could crash here?"

"I don't think they decided to crash here so much as they passed out," I remarked, padding across the room to where Jasper stood with Alice. She was staring up at him in contemplation, rubbing the side of his arm with her hand. "Is it bad?" I asked, nodding to his forehead.

He peeled back his bloody hand and the gash that marred his skin oozed even more blood.

"Man, that looks deep. You might need stitches," I told him, examining the cut.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked quietly. When I glanced to her, her eyes were watery, as if she was on the verge of tears.

"Ali, honey, I'm fine," Jasper said, sighing deeply. "I'm just an idiot. Don't cry."

"Okay," she whispered. "Let's get it cleaned up, and then I'll take you to the hospital."

"Wait, Alice," I said, grabbing onto her arm as she began to leave. "I'll drive him to the hospital. This is your house. I think one of you should stay. You know - damage control."

"Yeah, I'll help you find Em and Rose and we can start rounding people up to leave," Bella said from the bed. I glanced back to her and she was sitting with the sheet draped over her legs. As much as I knew that Jasper was in love with Alice, and only saw Bella as a friend, there was no way in hell I wanted him to see her in such a state of undress. That was meant only for me, and I smiled at the fact that she felt the same.

"Alright," Alice said, briefly smiling. "I'll help Jasper get cleaned up and you can take him to the hospital."

"Sounds good," I said with a nod as they both left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

"I don't have any clothes to change into," Bella said with a laugh as I walked back over to her. "All I have is the costume."

"What about the ones you were wearing yesterday?"

She rolled her eyes. "Those are in a bag in the bathroom," she replied. "I left them in there and now there's a passed out football player cuddling up to them."

"Hmm," I mused, sitting down beside her and draping my arm around her shoulder. "I'd love for you to walk around in what you're wearing, but A: I won't be here, and B: I would likely beat the shit out of anyone who looked at you."

"Ah, but you won't be here," she countered playfully. "How would you know if anyone looked at me?"

"Smart ass," I grumbled, squeezing her shoulder tighter. "Why don't you just wear something of Alice's?"

"Ha," she laughed, shaking her head and tugging on the hem of the tank top. "If you haven't noticed, Alice is a bit smaller than me."

"Find a baggy pair of track pants or something? I'm sure she's got comfortable clothes that will fit you," I told her, standing up and taking her hand. We went over to Alice's closet and Bella sorted through a bunch of shirts before grabbing a sweater that looked a few sizes bigger than what Alice was. Then she found a pair of grey sweats that fit her perfectly.

"Alice probably has to roll these so they fit her," Bella said, shaking her head as she pulled on the pants. I had gotten dressed as well in what I'd worn the night before; the black dress shirt and pants, deciding it was probably best to forgo the vest and cape. I left a few buttons undone at the top of the shirt and rolled the sleeves to my elbows.

"Alright, I'm going to go get Jazz and take him in. I won't be able to text you or anything. I have to turn off my phone in there," I told her as she wrapped her long-sleeved arms around me. She looked so adorably comfortable in the clothes she was wearing.

"Okay," she replied, stepping up on her toes and kissing the small patch of revealed skin. "Just text us and let us know when you leave."

I nodded in agreement and we left Alice's room, taking the bed sheets with us as we went in search of Alice and Jasper. We found them in one of the bathrooms downstairs and Jasper's face was free of blood, but his shirt was still stained a deep, dark red. He had a towel pressed tightly to his head and shrugged at me because he didn't know what else to do.

"It doesn't look too bad in here," Bella said as she poked her head out of the bathroom and looked around the foyer. "Have you found any other people passed out in random spots?"

"Not so far. I found Rose and Emmett in the living room, curled on the couch. You should see what she wrote on the front of Emmett's shirt!" Alice said with a laugh, cleaning up the blood on the bathroom sink.

"She wrote something on his costume?" I asked.

"Kim got all up in Emmett's face last night," Jasper said, sitting on the closed toilet seat, looking ten times paler than he usually did. "Started talking shit, she was hammered."

"Shh," Alice said, running her fingers through his hair because it seemed as if it was taking all his strength just to speak. "She was being a bitch to Rose. Ever since she and Em hooked up, I've heard rumours that she wanted to go out with him. I guess being drunk provided the perfect excuse for her to get all jealous and territorial over Emmett."

"Huh," Bella said with a snort, leaning against the wall. "Like she has any right. It was one time and Emmett didn't even like her."

"I know. Anyway, Rose was...you have no idea, Bella. She held her own so well, and when Kim finally backed off, Rose was on a mission. She found a permanent marker and wrote 'Property of Rosalie Hale' on the front of Emmett's shirt," Alice said, shaking her head as she recalled last night. "Kim didn't say another word."

We all laughed and I glanced to Jasper, watching as his lids flickered rapidly.

"Fuck," I said quickly, bending down and shaking Jasper's shoulders. "Dude, don't pass out. Jasper, Jasper...look at me."

His eyes rolled back in his head and I held my breath as he tried in vain to focus on me.

"Shit, help me get him out to the car. He's probably lost a lot of blood. I'll take him to the ER," I said, hooking Jasper's arm over my shoulder as Bella did the same with his other. Alice was nervously biting on her lip as she started to panic.

"Is he okay?" she asked, walking backwards in front of us as her distressed eyes were trained on Jasper.

"Alice, I have no clue, but I need to get him out of here," I said, dragging Jasper with the help of Bella. When we got to the front door, Alice tried her best to shove Jasper's shoes on his feet. He was still conscious, mumbling a little bit as he held the towel against his forehead. I just prayed to God that we got to the hospital before he passed out on me.

Alice and Bella helped me get Jazz in the front seat of his car, and once he was buckled, I said goodbye to Bella, slipping in the front seat and speeding to the hospital. Jasper's head kept nodding every so often, but I talked to him the entire way there, making sure he didn't go unconscious. He responded quietly to things I asked him, and when he shifted the towel slightly, blood dripped down onto his shirt.

I pulled up in front of the emergency entrance and quickly shut off the car, hopping out and proceeding to do my best in hauling the dead weight of Jasper into the building. He wasn't being very cooperative, and when I managed to get him to the nurse's station, his hand dropped from his forehead, the towel falling to the ground with a sickeningly wet 'slap.'

He suddenly weighed an extra thirty pounds as he fell limp, and several nurses were at my side, helping to ease the pressure of his body from mine as another called for a doctor.

"Edward!" I heard a familiar voice and turned with Jasper, seeing Carlisle's white lab coat before I looked up and saw his face. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you alright?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, Jasper fell and hit his head," I replied, shifting so I could better support him. "He just passed out."

"I'll take care of this," Carlisle said to me, turning around and putting his hand on the stretcher as it was brought around the corner. "Set Jasper down on here. How long ago did he hit his head?"

"Uh, I don't know," I said, letting Jasper sink off my shoulder so he was lying flat on the stretcher, his forehead still oozing blood. It was now dripping down his face, but a nurse was there, trying to tend to the wound. "Half an hour maybe. He tripped over something in the bathroom and hit his head. It looks deep; he might need stitches or something –"

"That's good," Carlisle said to me, holding his hand up to stop me as I was starting to panic myself. "It's okay, Edward. I think he'll be fine. Might just be the blood loss. Sit down here and I'll be back in a while."

I nodded as Carlisle whisked Jasper and the stretcher down the hallway, out of my sight. A nurse was there just after with some paperwork that I had to fill out, and I wasn't sure how the fuck she expected me to fill out anything but his name. I simply sat there, trying to write down as much as I could, but not getting very far because I knew none of this information.

After ten minutes, I was asked to move the car, because I completely spaced the fact that I had left it directly in front of the doors to the emergency entrance. I parked the car, and by the time I got back, Carlisle was at the nurse's station, looking for me.

"Carlisle, is he okay?" I asked, running my fingers distractedly through my hair.

"He'll be just fine," Carlisle replied with a slight smile. "He's awake now. He's just been cleaned up and the wound is being tended to. He'll need about seven stitches. Nothing too serious."

"Okay," I said with a nod, thankful that Jasper was going to be all right. "Can I go in there with him? I have no idea what to put on the paperwork except for his name."

"Sure, just give me a minute and I'll take you," he replied. I waited for Carlisle to finish up and he walked me down the hall to Jasper's room. "Before we go in," he said, halting me in front of the door, "how come you're the one who brought him here?"

"Well...he hit his head," I explained, unsure of what Carlisle meant.

"What about his parents?" Carlisle asked pointedly. I swallowed harshly and my eyes flickered to the floor before I looked back up to him.

"Their parents didn't come home last night from Seattle. They were staying the night," I told him.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "I am very, very unnerved by all of this Edward. No parents at the house at all? What if it had been more serious? Hell, what if it had been you?"

He straightened out his lab coat and I didn't even know how to respond.

"Esme and I have been lenient with you. After what happened, we didn't know how to make you whole again. You were always...distant. We figured that to treat you as an adult would ensure that you were at the very least happy. But Edward, reckless behaviour, and underage drinking..." He trailed off, turning his head from me and looking to the generic, tiled floor. "I could never live to see you through something like that again."

He tilted his head down to me and I saw the unshed tears glazing over his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in a shaky breath. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Please just tell me you'll be more responsible than this, Edward," he all but begged, motioning to the room behind him. "Nothing is worth risking your life. I need to know that you'll be safe, not off doing something stupid –"

"Carlisle...I won't, I promise. This just happened this morning. He just tripped. It could have happened to anyone," I replied in a rush, trying to assure him that it was only by accident that Jasper had received the cut. "I wasn't even drinking last night."

He smiled then, clapping his hand affectionately on my shoulder.

"Glad to hear it," he said softly, opening the door and ushering me inside, talking with the nurse.

Jasper nodded to me from the bed, wearing a hospital gown with his jeans now instead of his bloody shirt. I nodded back and took a seat in the chair as Carlisle exchanged hushed words with the nurse before she left. After that, Carlisle got to work on stitching up Jasper's forehead. As he was going through the procedure, I asked Jasper questions about the paperwork and he answered in between his frequent wincing and curses of 'fuck.'

Once they finished up, Carlisle told him to get his father to contact him later on so he could fill him in on what happened and how long it would be until the stitches needed to be removed. Jasper shyly thanked him, sheepishly grinning before hopping down from the hospital bed.

We left the paperwork with Carlisle and headed back to the car, quiet on our way as we both mulled over what happened. I was consumed with the dream, fusing Carlisle's concern for me with images of my mother and a cold, snow-covered grave.

"Dude, you alright?" Jasper asked, eyeing me curiously, as I started the engine and drove out of the hospital's lot.

"Fine," I replied with a nonchalant shrug. "Just tired. How's your head?"

"I'll live," he smirked. "I just feel like an idiot. I wasn't even looking when I walked into the bathroom. I mean, who the fuck passes out over the edge of the bath tub?"

"A moron, that's who," I replied, shaking my head. "That guy better be thankful you only tripped and cut your head."

"I'm sure he won't remember a thing," Jasper said, glancing out the window. "Have you talked to Bella yet?"

"Oh, fuck, no," I said, hastily pulling my phone from my pants' pocket. I dialled and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" She answered, sounding tired and distressed from the other line.

"Hey, it's me," I said with a small smile, hoping I could cheer her up, if only a little. "We're on our way back."

"Oh, good, is Jazz okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Carlisle stitched him up," I assured her.

"That's great," Bella said, sighing afterwards. "I'll see you in a few?"

"Yep, we're almost there," I told her. I hung up the phone and continued towards Jasper's house, sitting in silence with him as I contemplated everything from this morning up until my conversation with Bella just now. I was confused and upset and downright emotional.

I wanted to be able to make peace with what happened in my past so I could move forward in the life I had here. I wanted to be able to give Bella all of myself without part of my past sneaking up and making an unwelcome appearance. But more than that, I wanted to be able to remember it as something that defined who I was.

I didn't want to keep the anger and pain around to screw up my life anymore. I wanted to look back and see it as something that made me who I was. Who knows, maybe if my past had been different, I would have become a completely different person. I may have never met Bella or any of my friends; I may have never gotten closer to my aunt, uncle, and cousin.

I knew that even though things had been bad, and that I had been horribly, horribly broken, I would never change the fact that I had been brought here, to Forks.

For here, I met Bella, the girl I would give the world to. I met my friends, the most loyal people I knew I would ever come across. Even though my past sucked and I wished that I had had it better, I would never, ever trade what I had now, for anything.

I parked the car in the driveway and Jasper and I headed up to the house, and I snorted quietly at how the hospital gown flapped in the wind. When we got inside I could hear raised voices coming from upstairs, and I saw Bella rushing around the foyer with a green garbage bag, tossing things into it.

"Hey," I called to her, stepping out of my shoes and peering around the corner. She stopped cleaning and turned to me, her eyes bloodshot and red, as if she had been crying. "What's wrong?" I asked, walking around the couch and coming to a stop in front of her, gently cupping her cheeks in my hands.

"Jessica was here this morning," she whispered, another few tears slipping down her face as she closed her eyes.

"Fucking bitch," I muttered, clenching my jaw in anger at her constant interference in our lives. Mike had toned it down, and ever since finding out about the affair, Bella said he hadn't spoken a word to her. But Jessica...well she just didn't fucking take the hint. "What'd she say now?"

"Things she has no right to say," Bella replied, her voice cracking slightly. "I hate that she gets to me, but I'm so confused and upset. She's the last person I want to be talking to. My mom called too..."

"And...?" I hedged supportively, rubbing circles on her damp cheeks with my thumbs.

"She wants me to go over there to talk to her. She said my dad's at work. Will you come with me? Please?"

"Bella, you don't even need to ask. Of course I'll go with you," I said, leaning down and exhaling a shaky breath as I pressed my lips fiercely against hers. She slipped her hands around my neck and melted in my arms, giving herself to me. I was so consumed with Bella – her smell, her touch, her taste – that when a door slammed upstairs I jumped at the interruption.

"What's going on up there?" I asked Bella, kissing the wetness from her cheeks before returning to her lips as she hummed quietly.

"Alice is yelling at Connor," she replied.

"Connor?" I asked quizzically, opening my eyes as she opened hers.

"He was the drunk in the bathroom," she said with an eye roll. "Alice freaked out on him for nearly killing Jasper."

I shook my head at Alice and turned as I heard footsteps on the stairs. Connor was descending, still in his Freddy Krueger costume and not paying any attention to Bella or me. He headed for the door and left the house, slamming that door shut behind him as well.

Bella and I held back our smiles and fell into cleaning the living room soundlessly. I used any excuse I could just to go near her, to brush my hand against hers, or to just enjoy the pull she had on me when I was in close range. Eventually, I took to cleaning the same area she was, effectively making us slower, but relieving me of how much I wanted to be next to her.

Alice and Jasper came down the stairs with Rose and Emmett a little while later after cleaning the rooms upstairs and making sure things were in order. They helped us clean the rest of the foyer and other parts of the main floor that had been set in chaos from the party. We were done just before noon, filling five green garbage bags with crap before setting them outside at the top of the driveway.

After that, we all headed to the kitchen, working together to make enough food for all of us because everyone, with the exception of me, was hung over and in desperate need of food and water. Bella didn't eat very much of her breakfast, leaving the majority of it untouched.

"Come on," I said, holding a forkful of pancakes up to her.

"No," she said with a frown, turning her head and scrunching up her nose. I sighed and stuck the fork in my mouth, eating the rest of her food for her because she wasn't about to eat it. We were mostly quiet throughout the meal, each of the faces that stared back at me tired and stressed. When we were done, Bella and I told them we needed to head to her house to talk with her mom.

Jasper told me I could borrow his car, and we agreed that we'd come back here after so Alice and Jasper could get us all home.

Bella was sullen on the ride to her house, staring intimately at her lap as she used her nails to pick at the skin on her fingers. I would have asked her if she okay, if she wanted to talk about it, but I knew what we would say to each other. Again, we didn't need the words, she simply needed the reassurance that I was here for her.

I held her hand up the stairs and felt it tighten as she opened the front door and was greeted with boxes. She gasped, her free hand rushing to her mouth as her eyes frantically scanned the evidence that her mother was leaving.

"Mom?" Bella called out, pulling me with her, turning around slightly to ensure that I was following.

"In here," Renee's voice called from the living room. "Hey sweetie," she said as Bella stopped in the doorway. "How are you?"

Bella shrugged, responding with, "Fine."

Renee gave us a tight smile as she turned to the fireplace, where several pictures decorated the mantle.

"You know, I still remember the day this was taken," she stated, reaching out and dragging her finger across the frame. I could barely see it from where I was standing, but it looked like a professional picture of the three of them. "You were so small and had just started talking. Your first word was 'shoe,'" she continued with a laugh, turning around to face us. "You loved those little boots you wore. You kept talking through the entire shoot and the woman taking our picture thought you were so cute."

"Mom..."

"Honey, I wish I could stay," Renee said, her eyes sweeping across the mantle and plucking up the picture she'd been admiring. "I wish I could fix things, but I can't. I want you to come with me. I don't know how I will be able to live without seeing you every day," she went on, her words quiet and soft as she closed the distance that separated us.

"I can't," Bella whispered, shaking her head and closing her other hand around our clasped ones. I felt my heart beating so hard in my chest when she made it clear that I was the reason she wanted to stay.

"I know," Renee replied with a watery smile. "I want you to come, but I know your life is here. Forks is no longer my home, Bella. I feel so uncomfortable in a town where I know I'll be the constant bout of gossip. I'll never be able to take back what I've done, and in return, people won't excuse my behaviour."

She handed Bella the frame.

"I love you, sweetheart. I always will. But I can't stay here."

"What am I supposed to do without you?" She asked in a shaky voice.

"You'll manage," Renee told her with a smile, smoothing her fingers through Bella's unkempt hair. "You're a smart girl, Bella. I know this is hard, and I'm so sorry to be putting you through something like this. I hope you can someday forgive me. I don't think your father ever will."

Bella shook her head. "He probably won't," she agreed, releasing my hand and stepping towards Renee, embracing her tightly. "But I think I can. I don't hate you for this. I'm angry...upset...confused. But I don't want you stuck in a life you don't want. I love you, mom. Just...be happy, I guess."

When they pulled apart, they were both in tears, exchanging broken sentences and half-smiles. I watched Bella in awe as she fought against her will to breakdown from the intensity of the situation. She had been a wreck all week about the divorce, and now, to see her so strong and accepting of what was happening, made me open my eyes.

Bella was facing her problems head on, knowing shit was difficult, but also knowing that this needed to happen. In order to move forward, she had to face the pain and the hurt. To make it go away, she had to live it. When we left her house that day, I knew I had to do the same.

I had to talk to Carlisle. I had to face the pain.

I had to go to Chicago.

**

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**A/N: **So, thoughts? I'd love to hear what you all think of Edward's decision to go to Chicago.

Thanks everyone for being so understanding about this! I'm going to try my best to get the next chapter up on **Sunday. **I work Saturday afternoon, and find it impossible to do anything with an afternoon shift. I lose an entire day to work. Anyway, that is a tentative update, considering the fact that I perform a Shakespeare scene next Tuesday and have to memorize my lines. Please, shoot me now. But my characters name IS Alice :P

The song quoted at the beginning is called Best of You, by the Foo Fighters. I love the Foo's, they are amazing. I recommend any song by them, really.

The quote in Edward's dream is thanks to Claire Bloom; a quote from Phantom of the Opera. Thanks babe.

Anyway, drop me a line. Leave some love : )


	24. Times Are Changing

**A/N: **Okay, I officially give you all free reign to call me ANY name in the book! I'm so sorry this is late, again! School kicks my ass. Classes are done, but I have a monster essay due this Saturday. Who makes an essay due on a Saturday?!

My prof. Anyway, in light of that, I won't be updating this weekend. The update will probably be around this time next week. I will keep it mid-week likely until after Christmas, because I should be nearly done this story by then. I anticipate only 5 more chapters, at the very most. I think I'll have 4 and an epilogue, at this point.

I want to thank all you loyal reviewers for putting up with me and for letting me know what you think of this story. I never thought I'd hit this many reviews, so just know that I appreciate everything : )

And my beta's...you're both fuckawesome. Claire, thanks for the unwavering support and listening to me complain about anything. Happy belated birthday sweetcheeks ; ) Jess, thanks for being patient and making my chapters even better : )

This is the Claire Bloom and dolphin62598 approved version!

Okay, enough rambling.

Enjoy!

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"_**Hopeful dreaming**_

_**These times are for the pain**_

_**Wishing it was still the same**_

_**Loving, leaving**_

_**Round and round and round we go again"**_

**b.p.o.v**

November sixth.

I stood on the porch, a thick, over-sized sweater wrapped around my torso, resting against my thighs as it hung from my body like my own personal protection. It was one of Edward's.

The air around me was cold, stinging and biting at my nose, cheeks, lips, and ears, but I remained. The trees nearby and far were bare, the branches twisted and contorted, looking bony and ugly as they mourned the loss of their leaves. Wildlife no longer scampered about anymore, at least not as frequently. They were preparing for the winter, burrowing in the ground to escape the storms.

Funny, how it felt like I wanted to do the same.

In the days leading up to my mother's departure, I wanted to be home. I knew there would be tension, pain, and depression, but I knew it was where I should be. I wanted to crawl inside a hole when I walked in the front door; boxes and bags consuming the front hall, packing her life away and making it all so much more real. I'd accepted the divorce and knew she would leave, but the evidence, watching as she removed pieces of herself from the house...

It took so much effort to appear so strong.

I tilted my head minutely as a flash of colour was seen from the corner of my eye. A black F-150 pulled into the driveway, towing a small U-Haul trailer behind it that would carry all of my mother's possessions. My aunt Linda climbed down from the truck bed when it was parked, holding her sides tightly as she bounded up the steps.

"Bella, sweetie, it's so good to see you!" She said her brown hair flying wildly around her face with the wind as she leant in to hug me.

"Hey Auntie Linda," I greeted back, finding that my voice was hollow, dead. She released me, smiling at me as she took in my appearance. I hadn't seen her, my uncle Felix or my cousins since my mom's birthday in May.

"How have you been?" She asked softly, smoothing a lock of hair behind my ear, much like my mother would have done.

"Okay, I suppose," I admitted with a small smile. She simply smiled back, nodding her head to acknowledge the fact that 'okay' roughly translated to 'a wreck.'

She turned from me and headed into the house, and with some reluctance, I followed. I wanted to be anywhere but here as she finally loaded her things and left, however, I couldn't bring myself to _not _be here. Maybe I was desperate, hoping for something to change, something that would make her stay. I knew it was juvenile, useless even, but my heart was so conflicted and hurt that I needed something tangible of her. I needed something to remind me that she'd always be here, that I could always turn to her when I was confused and lost.

Seattle wasn't _that _far, but it was farther than I'd ever been from my mother in my entire life. She assured me that I could visit her as much as I liked, and even encouraged me to spend weekends with her, but I hadn't committed to anything yet. Driving to Seattle every Friday night, just to spend two days thereseemed like a little much to me. Not to mention the gas money on top of the fact that I still had catching up to do in several of my classes.

So far, we'd settled on talking to each other every night on the phone. It wasn't much, but I would be able to sleep easier knowing that she was only a phone call away if I needed anything or if I just simply missed her.

My mom greeted my aunt Linda when we walked inside, her sadness and guilt palpable as they hugged and exchanged hushed words. My father had retreated to the security of the living room much of the day, helping only when Renee requested it. As much as we didn't get along, I felt the depression rolling off him in waves as he watched my mother nostalgically, sometimes smiling a little as he likely thought of a happy memory, sometimes frowning, his eyebrows furrowed heavily, likely as he thought of things he'd miss.

It made me sad for him, for her, for all of us. But somehow, I knew that we'd manage. Charlie wasn't _impossible _to get along with; we had our moments. However rare those moments were, something told me he'd make an effort now, and I hoped he did, because I was willing to do that too.

"Bella," Renee said and I looked up from the floor, over to where she was picking up some bags. "Would you mind helping Linda and I load the truck, sweetie?"

I ran my fingers through my hair and nodded, swallowing the growing lump in my throat.

"Yeah, sure," I replied, taking a few bags from her hands as she and Linda grabbed several others.

We spent the next two hours loading the U-Haul, putting other, more valuable items in the back seat of the truck. My dad only helped with the heavy dresser Renee was taking with her, and even then, I could feel the unease and awkwardness as they manoeuvred it down the stairs and into the truck. Other than that, furniture-wise, Renee was taking nothing. She left everything to us, taking only what was exclusively hers and things she couldn't bear to part with.

I was standing on the porch again as Renee closed the trailer and headed back up the stairs. My aunt Linda started the car, settling into the driver's seat with a small, depressing wave to me, which I acknowledged with an equally as depressing smile.

"So," Renee said to me, shrugging and crossing her arms over her chest, rubbing her hands up and down her jacket sleeves.

"So..." I replied quietly, casting a sideways glance at her.

"I'm going to miss you," she whispered, stepping forward and lightly nudging my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and turned to her, wrapping my arms around her neck and relishing in the last few moments of her being here.

"I'll miss you too, mom."

"And you know I love you, right?" She asked, the strain on her voice suggesting that she was crying. I pulled back and a few tears spilled down my cheeks, but I didn't sob.

"I know," I told her with a nod. "I love you too."

"Okay," she said softly, nodding back at me before turning around to the door, where Charlie all of a sudden stood. I watched with sadness as they both stared at each other, taking one last look before everything changed. I didn't want to interrupt, but there was no way for me to leave unnoticed, so I was there to witness the awkward exchange.

They were both shifty; Renee fiddling distractedly with her wedding ring and looking up at Charlie as he watched her with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. The silence only lasted for a minute before Renee cleared her throat.

I felt my chest constricting when she went to pull off her wedding ring, but Charlie stopped her.

"No...keep it," he told her, his eyes diverting from hers directly after.

"Alright, well, I'm...I should go," she said, pointing behind her to the truck. Charlie nodded and stepped forward, his movements unsure. Renee stepped towards him as well and they hugged each other, and I wished I hadn't been there, because the look of pain on my father's face was so devastating that I felt like crying again. His brows hunched as he hugged her, the agony etching itself into the lines on his face, and I couldn't stand it.

I dropped my chin to my chest, pulling my hood up to shield my face from what I was witnessing. I heard a muffled 'goodbye' from the both of them and Renee's footsteps as she descended the stairs. I didn't look back up until I no longer heard the truck's engine, and when I did, Charlie was still there, his eyes trained on the driveway, as if she was still here.

"It's funny," Charlie mused, his voice low and anything but amused, as his gaze was transfixed on the same spot still. "How after twenty years, she can walk away with such a simple goodbye."

My throat was dry, constricting with tears as Charlie's feet shifted minimally.

"I guess I always knew it would come to this though," he sighed.

"What do you mean?" I asked confusedly, trying to swallow through my cottonmouth.

"I knew she'd leave," he said, concentrating on the old, painted wood of the porch. "Your grandma, she...she never liked me much," he continued, smiling a little as he thought of her. "Told your mom she should marry someone with more money, someone who was better looking..." He shook his head and his eyes met mine.

"I was never good enough, Bella," he said solemnly, turning and leaving me outside as my jaw hung open at his comments.

"Dad!" I said abruptly, stumbling into the house as he stopped and looked back to me. I shut the door and kicked off my shoes, padding over to him and not hesitating as I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him. "Is...is that why you didn't try harder to make her stay? Because you thought you weren't good enough?"

"We've been unhappy for a long time, Bella. Your mom...she's always been an odd woman, but that's why I fell in love with her. She knows what she wants, and I can no longer give that to her. Asking her to stay would have just fuelled her fire; she would have left sooner."

"I'm sorry," I choked, wiping the tears that were stained on his shirt from me. "I'm so sorry she left."

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for," he replied, rubbing my back soothingly for a few seconds before we parted. It was a little strange, to be so close with him after all we'd been through, but I was willing to go through all the awkward times in order to make this work. "I'm sorry too, but we'll be okay," he assured, "I promise. I think I learned a few things from your mother over the years."

I pursed my lips and blinked back the tears as I nodded at him, and he smiled, though it was nowhere close to touching his eyes.

"Uh," he said, turning to the kitchen and jabbing him thumb towards it, "you hungry?"

I actually smiled. I couldn't remember the last time my _dad _had cooked a meal, and was really interested as to what he planned on making.

"You're going to cook?" I asked curiously, still smiling despite myself.

He furrowed his brows before he firmly nodded. "I can cook," he replied, heading into the kitchen as I followed, my amusement spurring me forward. "What do you want?"

I was thoughtful for a moment, listening to the rumblings in my stomach as I remembered I hadn't yet eaten anything today, despite Edward's attempts to make me eat at lunch. I knew Renee was leaving tonight and the entire day I'd been a ghost...distant, even from him. I had barely seen him at all this week, with the exception of school, and I missed being with him, but I needed to be home.

"Anything," I told him with a wave. "I'm starving."

Charlie rifled through the cupboards and the fridge, his facial expression changing every time he picked something up and looked at the label.

"How does pasta sound?" He asked, pulling a box of whole-wheat rigatoni from the cupboard.

"Sounds good," I answered.

As Charlie began dinner, he told me to go relax, so I headed into the living room and settled down on the couch. I searched for the remote for a few minutes before spotting it on the end table, and when I went to reach for it, I knocked something to the floor. I bent over the arm of the couch to pick it up, flipping over the frame and seeing the happy faces of my mother and father, and a very, very young Bella, staring back at me.

It was the one she'd given me last weekend. I had forgotten all about it, and when she'd given it to me, I'd left it on the end table, unable to look at in any longer because of how much it pained me that we would never look like the family in the picture again.

Tears welled in my eyes and I glanced over to the fireplace, where the mantle now stood nearly naked because of how many photos Renee had taken with her. I grasped the frame firmly in my hands and pushed myself to walk over to the fireplace, to put the picture back where it belonged. I made sure it was in the dead centre, finding that maybe I did have some of my mother's OCD tendencies, as I didn't leave it alone until it was perfect.

The happy family's smiling faces remained as I hastily retreated, bounding quickly up the stairs and shutting the door to my room as I fumbled to get my phone from my pocket. I sat down on the floor and rested my back against the bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I listened for an answer on the other end.

"Hey," he greeted his tone sympathetic and comforting, as he knew how distraught I'd be.

"Hi," I replied quietly.

I talked to Edward until my dad called me for dinner, telling him everything in between sniffles and broken sentences. I wasn't sure he understood half of what I said, but he was supportive and sweet nonetheless, sometimes laughing when he didn't quite hear what I was mumbling.

"Listen, I have to go for dinner," I told him, now sprawled out over my bed, dragging my fingers over my scalp and through my hair because it felt good.

He sighed, "Okay. Bella, can we please hang out tonight? I...miss you."

I smiled at his confession and bit my lip. "I miss you too," I replied. "Just...let me talk to Charlie first. I don't want to leave him, after today, and I have to make sure that he's all right with you coming over."

"That's fair," he grumbled, "I guess. Call me after dinner. I love you."

"Love you too."

I made my way downstairs and the aroma of pasta sauce filled the main floor, giving me hopes that Charlie wouldn't be a bad cook after all. I peeked into the kitchen and he was straining the noodles, dumping them back into the pot afterwards.

"Smells good," I appraised, walking over to the stove and lifting the lid to the sauce. It was...sauce. Like Ragu heated up, or something. No meatballs, no mushrooms, nothing fancy. I swallowed my comments, because it was Renee who usually added all that stuff. This was Charlie, and now, it was just us.

"It's not much..." He said, swirling a spoonful of butter around the noodles so they wouldn't stick together.

"Dad, it's great," I assured, grabbing two bowls from the cupboard. We ate quietly, and I'll be honest, the dinner was actually good. It wasn't anything special but I enjoyed it.

It was the first meal we'd had without her, and it wasn't a complete disaster.

When we were almost done, I chanced asking Charlie about Edward coming over to hang out with me.

He sighed, pushing his empty bowl away from him and looking over to me. I was tossing a few noodles around my bowl, looking expectantly at him as he rubbed his hand over his face.

"Bella...I – that's fine," he agreed, nodding his head. "I don't want to be the bad guy here, sweetheart. I'm just protective of you, and Edward..."

"He's not a bad guy dad," I stressed, rolling my eyes at how he never even gave Edward a chance.

He exhaled deeply as his eyes met mine. "Then I believe you, Bella. Edward may come over, when this is all cleaned up. Can I leave you to do the dishes?"

"Sure," I replied with a grin. "Thanks, dad."

"Mmhmm," he mumbled, standing up and stretching. "Oh, and Bella, I work the nightshift tonight. With your mother leaving this afternoon, I didn't want to...I – um..."

"I get it," I told him, holding up my hand to halt the painful explanation. "That's fine."

He smiled tentatively before heading to the living room to watch TV. I made quick work of the dishes, finding myself more than eager to spend time with Edward because I missed him like crazy. Although I'd seen him only a few hours ago, with what I was going through, it seemed like a lot longer. I called him as soon as I was finished and he sounded almost as excited as I was that we could hang out tonight.

I watched TV with Charlie as I waited for Edward to arrive. I wasn't really sure where we were going to hang out, as my bedroom was off limits, but I hoped Charlie would give us some alone time once he got here.

My heart pounded when Edward knocked on the door. I hurriedly answered it, smiling when I saw that he was wearing his favourite brown jacket, standing there with a beautifully crooked grin. He had his backpack slung over his right shoulder and he leaned down, cupping my cheek with his free hand and kissing me as I eagerly grabbed both sides of his face with my hands.

I think I startled him with my greeting because he only gave me a few, small pecks before pulling away.

"Charlie," he mouthed, nodding behind me, to where my dad was occupying the living room. I nodded, but frowned anyway, dragging my thumb over the stubble on his jaw that he had let grow again. I had 'accidentally' let it slip how much his facial hair turned me on and he had been keeping a thin, manageable layer of hair on his jaw ever since. It made me smile that he would do that just because I liked it.

"What's in the bag?" I asked as I led him into the house. I hung his coat up on the banister for him as he stepped out of his shoes and smiled.

"I brought some movies for us to watch," he replied, handing me the bag. "I wasn't sure what we'd do. It seems harmless enough."

I peeked inside, to the assortment of scary movies, and grinned.

"This is perfect," I agreed, taking his hand and towing him into the living room with me.

"Hello Edward," Charlie greeted with a taut smile, his eyes flickering towards us before he looked to the screen once more. Well, it wasn't the greatest, but it was something.

"Hi Chief Swan," Edward replied and I smiled at the formality. Since Charlie was sitting in his chair, Edward and I took the couch, careful not to sit too close so Charlie didn't have something to criticize.

"Uh, dad, do you mind if Edward and I watch a movie?" I asked, looking through the DVD's in Edward's backpack.

"Go ahead," he said with a wave towards the TV, relaxing back in his chair. I bit my lip and glanced to Edward, trying to hold back my nervous laughter.

He was really going to _stay _as we watched a movie?

I swallowed thickly, picking a movie at random and ended up pulling out Sleepy Hollow. I could feel the tension in the room as I went over to the DVD player and popped the movie in, asking Charlie to hit the 'input' setting to get the television in the right mode. I dimmed the lights only a little bit, because I was sure that my dad would have a mini heart attack if I turned them off all the way, and headed back over to where Edward sat with his hands resting in his lap.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I whispered, being stealthy about taking one of his hands and twining his fingers with mine.

"I'm good," he answered, shaking his head as he squeezed his fingers lightly against my own, trying to hide the contact from Charlie as he shifted awkwardly.

The entire thing felt...forced. Being beside Edward, yet only touching his hand, made me feel so far away from him. I just wanted to curl myself into his side, feeling the protection of his arms around me, like I usually did.

When the movie finally ended, it was almost nine o'clock. I knew Charlie's nightshift started at ten, and I was secretly thankful that he would be leaving soon. I grabbed another movie from Edward's backpack, this time randomly choosing Resident Evil. I smiled because Edward apparently had all my favourites in this bag.

"All right kids, I think I'm going to get ready for work," Charlie said, standing up and leaving us _alone, _finally. Edward and I both visibly relaxed and I crawled on the couch until I was practically sitting on his lap.

"Well that wasn't at all awkward," Edward grinned, leaning forward to brush his lips along my cheek. I tilted my head and urged him to continue, but to my dismay, he didn't. "I've missed you so much, and all I want do right now is be with you, but your dad..." He trailed off, looking nervously behind him. "Bella, the man carries a fucking gun."

I giggled and rested my forehead on his shoulder.

"Are you scared of my dad?" I asked, impulsively kissing his throat because I couldn't help it.

"Terrified," he replied, grabbing me around the waist and pushing me away. "Bella, please...stop. I can barely control myself right now as it is."

His eyes flickered down to my lips as I sucked the bottom one in my mouth, and a small, garbled noise came from the back of Edward's throat.

"I'm sorry," I told him, kissing his cheek before being a 'good girl' and sitting next to him, focusing on the movie's opening credits instead.

"It's okay," he said, draping his arm around my shoulder and leaning down to kiss the top of my head. "Oh, I forgot to tell you...I – I talked to Carlisle."

"Really?" I asked, my eyes widening as I leant away and gazed up to him, his irises almost black in the dim light.

"Yeah," he said with a shrug, the indecision still plain on his face.

"What'd he say?"

"He said that it would be good for me to go...maybe to make peace with what happened. I don't really know if he's right, if it will help, but I have to try," he said quietly, his eyes falling down to the couch, avoiding my gaze.

"When...uh, when are you going?"

He looked back up to me, through his eyelashes, and although it wasn't seductive in any way, I still felt aroused by how intense his eyes were in that moment.

"Christmas break," he replied. I frowned, because that was still well over a month away.

"But...that's a while away. I mean, what if –" I abruptly stopped what I was saying because there was no way I would be able to say it.

"What if he dies?" Edward finished for me and I cringed, nodding my head to the couch rather than to him.

"Carlisle's calling there every week, basically monitoring his condition. He said right now he's stable, and he has a few months. He's confident that he'll be alive come Christmas, and I honestly don't think I'll be ready before then. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready..."

"Edward," I said, placing my hand on his cheek so he would look at me. "I don't think this is something that you can prepare for. You...you just have to do it. I know this won't be easy for you."

"Are you joking?" He asked, furrowing his brows. "Bella, this will be the hardest thing I've done in my life. I..." He put his hand on mine, pulling it from his face and putting his soft, wet lips on my palm. "I need you to come with me," he whispered.

I know I said that I would want to go if he went, but when he asked, I got nervous. My stomach twisted in knots and my face felt as if it had drained of its colour.

"Please, Bella. I don't think I can do this on my own. Please come with me," he said, continually kissing my palm as I contemplated the weight of what he was asking me to do.

"Of course," I replied.

"What?"

"I'll go," I clarified, sliding my hand around the back of his neck and pulling him to me, nudging his nose softly with mine before I let my emotions spill forth with a kiss. I heard Edward's breath escape him in a gasp and he reciprocated, threading his fingers into my hair and massaging the tips of my ears with his thumbs.

"Thank you," he breathed, kissing me hard and letting his emotions get the better of him as well. "You have...no idea, what this means to me."

I smiled against his lips and pulled away, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"I would do anything for you," I told him, faintly registering the sounds of the movie in the background. It was anything but romantic, the setting, but we were almost in our own little world again. I would have lost myself completely in Edward, but I heard Charlie's boots on the stairs and abruptly pulled myself away from him, putting distance between us once more.

He still had about half an hour, but he always went into work a little bit early for reasons I didn't understand. I_ used _to show up for work ten minutes before my shift started.

"Okay, Bella, I'm going to head to the station now," Charlie said, coming to stand in the room, his gun clearly in its holster as he rested his hand directly above it. I grinned at how much he was trying to scare Edward, but as I glanced sideways to him, I knew it was working. He was pale, and in his words, 'terrified.'

"Have a good shift, dad," I told him.

"I'll try," he replied with a small smile. "And, Edward, would it be okay if Bella spent the night at your house tonight?"

My jaw dropped as I stared at Charlie. He...he just fucking _asked _Edward if I could stay there.

"I don't see that being a problem," Edward replied, his tone unsure, as he couldn't understand why he was asking such a question either.

"It's just that I don't like the idea of Bella being here by herself all night," he explained, making sense of his wishes for me to spend tonight at Edward's. "If it's all right with your aunt and uncle, I'd appreciate it if Bella could stay at your house the nights I work."

Edward just stared at him, blinking a few times before he nodded his head.

"She's always welcome at our house. I'm sure they won't have a problem with it, Chief Swan," Edward told him.

"Okay," my dad said with a tight smile. I knew how much it probably irked him that he was asking this, but I appreciated his concern for me and knowing that the best place for me was with the Cullens. "Could you just write down your home phone number for me so I can call and thank them?"

"Sure," Edward said quickly, leaning forward and writing the number down on a scrap of newspaper that had been left on the coffee table. He ripped it off and handed it to Charlie, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence for a minute before Charlie cleared his throat.

"Well...you two behave yourselves," Charlie said, eyeing Edward intently before walking over to me. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Bella." He bent down and kissed the top of my head, leaving me to blush as he exited the living room and headed out the front door. I heard the lock click behind him and I exhaled heavily, looking over to Edward and noting that his face was as pale as could be.

"That was interesting," I mused, angling my head towards the movie for the first time since it had been playing. "I can't believe after all this he actually _wants _me to stay at your house." Edward didn't answer, and instead he was wringing his hands together, watching the screen and avoiding my eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Fabulous," he answered in a whisper, and I had to laugh.

"He's gone now," I assured, shuffling over to him and snuggling underneath the comfort of his arm. "You can stop being all freaked out." I kissed his chest through his shirt, but he was still tense. I glanced up to him and he smiled unconvincingly before looking behind him, paranoia setting in and making him edgy.

"Edward, seriously," I said, gently grabbing his chin and turning his face back to mine. "He's gone. We're _alone,_" I stressed, leaning forward and biting his bottom lip.

"Alone?" He replied, his eyes boring into my own as he surrendered his lips to me.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled, lifting myself up on my knees and dragging my fingers through his hair methodically. "You know what?" I asked cryptically.

"What's that?" He hedged, slipping his hands over my hips and palming them forcefully. My body shivered at how rough he was and I pressed myself closer to him, dipping my head to rub my cheek against his, getting goose bumps at the effects of the facial hair.

"We've never had sex on this couch," I whispered in his ear.

His breathing was heavier as he replied with, "Is that something you'd like to change?"

My eyes darted between his lustful gaze and his parted lips, and I licked mine in anticipation, smirking before I answered him.

"Definitely," I said, hardly able to take a breath before Edward's mouth was eagerly and insistently moving with my own.

Our clothing and underwear were shed in a flurry of movement, piling on the floor around the couch as Edward pushed me hard against the cushions. I missed being handled like this and I really didn't care it if was fucked up of me to enjoy his rough hands. It was hot.

I felt Edward's palm pressing against the side of my jaw and I tilted my head away, catching sight of the zombie slaying on the television before my eyes fluttered closed at the feel of his lips and fingers on my neck. He rolled my earlobe between his teeth then drew a trail with his fingertips down my throat before his mouth followed the pattern obediently.

My hands instinctively wound around his soft hair, tugging when the pleasure was almost too much, such as when he bit down on my collarbone. Every time he bit me, I was half expecting to feel the fangs. I couldn't get Edward as a vampire out of my mind, and I knew that sooner rather than later we were going to be replaying the events of that night. Just thinking about it made me moan aloud as Edward teased my nipples with his tongue and lips.

"This...feels so – wrong," he whispered huskily, looking up to me through his lashes, his arousal evident this time, making my breath catch.

"What?"

"Fooling around, spreading you naked across your dad's couch," he explained, sinking lower and dragging his tongue across my stomach. "It's so...wrong."

"_Good _wrong?" I asked, gasping when his mouth was mere inches from where I needed him the most. He gazed up to me again and I smirked. "Like...fucking-the-Police-Chief's-daughter, wrong?"

His hands grasped the tops of my thighs tightly and he spread them apart, letting my one leg sink to the floor at he hooked the other over the back of the couch.

"Exactly," he agreed, flattening his tongue against my swollen, aroused skin. My hips reacted to his quick, smooth movements and I cried out as I clutched at his hair, wishing more than anything that I could touch him in this moment.

I did the next best thing.

"Touch yourself," I told him in a shaky breath, and he complied without hesitation. I twisted my torso so I could watch him, mesmerized by his frantic strokes as felt myself nearing my climax. My entire body shook as I clenched my eyes shut, letting my cries echo the living room as Edward's lips vibrated against my clit.

When I came down from my orgasm, our positions changed abruptly.

Edward sat on the couch, much like he would have if he were watching TV, and helped me to straddle his thighs. I gripped tightly onto the fabric on the back of the couch, ducking my head to taste myself on his tongue as he dug his fingers into the flesh of my hips.

"Fuck...I'm done, with touching_ myself,_" he groaned, pushing me down so the tip of his cock brushed against my wet sex.

"I never realized you'd been doing it so much," I teased, running my hands over his shoulders and into his hair again.

"Do you understand how often guys think about sex, Bella?" He asked, sliding his fingers up through the valley between my breasts before he brushed my hair away, exposing my neck and shoulders to him.

"Uh...isn't it something ridiculous like every couple seconds?" I guessed, grinding myself on him again and shuddering from the contact.

"Yeah, well I think about sex with _you_ even more." His words were nothing more than a faint whisper as his hands skimmed down my sides, holding onto each of my thighs as he entered me. I gasped at how big he felt.

"Wait, wait!" I said hastily, clamping my hands down on his shoulders so he wouldn't move.

"What's wrong?"

"Just...give me a minute," I pleaded, taking the rest of him in slowly. I wiggled my hips when he was all the way in and I kissed his cheek, whispering to him that I was good. He started out slow, and I think it was because he didn't want to hurt me, but I could tell that he was struggling to restrain himself.

"Edward?" I said, bracing myself on the couch again.

"Hmm?"

"More," I mumbled, letting my forehead drop to his. "Like you used to."

"Yeah?" He asked, sitting up slightly and supporting me with his hand on the small of my back. I only had enough strength to nod and he shifted over, sitting on the edge of the couch as he reached out and pushed the coffee table away. I watched with rapt fascination as the muscles in his arm flexed against his pale skin and I was shocked at the amount of force he had with one push. The table slid across the carpet, sending the newspapers to the floor before he whisked me around and laid me down in the empty space that was now there.

He hooked my leg over his shoulder, testing my flexibility as he sheathed himself inside me once again. Edward used the coffee table to angle himself, his hand gripping it firmly as I threw my head back and let my hair fan out across the carpet, the tips of my curls touching the scattered papers.

I ran my nails up and down his chest, around his ribs, listening to his throaty groans of approval and scratching him harder, continuing the circuit as his hips rocked hard against mine. My chest heaved and my heart raced as I gazed up to Edward in the darkness of the room, his eyes intensely hooded and black as his mouth hung open in his arousal.

I arched my back when his thumb pressed against my sensitive skin, contracting around him and triggering his orgasm.

"Bella, fuck – I..." His hand fell from the table, smacking against the carpet as he let out a deep moan. I carefully pulled my leg from around his shoulder, feeling the tremors rolling through it as I let it rest on the floor. Edward's weight sunk down on me and his breaths were heavy as his hot mouth latched onto the base of my neck.

When we were both finally quiet, all I could hear was Resident Evil, and I laughed as I sat up a little bit, supporting myself on my elbows.

"What's funny?" He asked, sitting with his back against the couch, still hard and beautiful in his nakedness.

"The movie," I said, nodding to the screen.

"Oh," he laughed, shaking his head. "Zombies...does that kind of thing turn you on?" He asked sarcastically.

"Not in the least," I replied, watching him as he watched me.

"I don't know, Bella," he began, trailing his finger along the outside of my calf. "I think you may have a thing for necrophilia."

"Oh yeah? Well I think there's a big difference between hot vampires and nasty zombies," I quipped back. He smirked, holding his hand out for me and pulling me to him when I took it. I shivered when he sat me in his lap and he frowned, rubbing his hand up my arm.

"Cold?"

"Kind of," I mumbled.

"Go get a blanket then," he suggested, glancing around the living room. I kissed the side of his chin and got up, padding through my house, naked, finding it ridiculous and hilarious as I headed up to my room to get my comforter. When I returned, Edward had pushed the coffee table further out of the way and had restacked the newspapers on the table. He'd also turned on the electric fireplace and I could already feel the warmth radiating from it.

We soundlessly watched the rest of the movie, wrapped up in my blanket on the floor near the fireplace so that we were almost sweating by the time it was done. The credits rolled and I looked over my shoulder, to where Edward was sitting behind me, his eyes half closed as he smiled.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he shrugged, peeling his lids back so he was focusing on me fully.

"How do you feel...you know, about going to Chicago?" I asked because it had been lingering in my mind since he'd told me about going.

"I'm fucking scared, and nervous," he replied, chewing on the inside of his lip. "I don't even really know what I would say to him."

I reached up and traced his jaw line with my fingers, ruffling the auburn hair with a small sigh.

"I think you'll figure it out," I said quietly, giving him an encouraging smile.

"You've always put so much faith in me...faith I don't deserve," he muttered, casting his eyes down to the blanket.

"Hey," I said with a frown, genuinely upset by his statement. "Don't...Edward don't say that. I believed you could do this...that we would work out. Look..." I told him, motioning between us.

"But I was this close," he said, indicating a miniscule amount of space with his thumb and forefinger, "to fucking this up even more. You ran _away._"

I sighed, not able to argue with that because it was true.

"In the end though," I countered, dragging my fingers along his bare thigh beneath the blanket, "you did the right thing. You did what I always knew you could. I know you'll do the same when you go to Chicago."

His breathing stuttered before he buried his nose and lips in my hair, his arms constricting tighter around me, like he would never let me go again.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing the shell of my ear.

---

The rest of November passed by in a blur.

Things with Charlie were...progressing. I spent much more time at home now, and Charlie was more lenient than before with Edward coming over to hang out with me. He still didn't completely trust Edward, but he was friendly to him, which I could stand.

We were managing just fine without my mom, except for one night at dinner where it didn't go at all as planned. It was supposed to be stir-fry...well, it turned into stir mush. We ordered out that night; Chinese.

Other than that, Charlie and I were getting along better than we ever had. We didn't talk much, about anything, but we were co-existing quite peacefully.

I talked to my mom every night on the phone, sometimes for only a few minutes or sometimes for longer, when she had things to gossip. She rambled a lot about my cousins and her trips into the city, and I was relieved that I wasn't taking this as hard as I thought I would. I did miss her, I won't lie, but it was easier to deal with, and for that I was glad. The only trip out there I had agreed to so far would be over the Christmas break, which made sense, because I wanted to see her come the holidays.

The past month hadn't been a piece of cake, but it hadn't been a disaster either. Edward was getting more and more anxious the closer we got to leaving for Chicago, and one day in the middle of November, we'd sat down with my dad and explained the situation...all of it. I think that may be part of the reason he was nicer to Edward now, because he knew about his past, but to me it didn't matter. I just wanted them to be able to be in the same room together without it being awkward.

Since we'd been honest with him, Charlie told me I could go to Chicago. Esme, I learned, was accompanying us as well, and Carlisle wanted to come too, but with his hectic shifts at the hospital, he was unable to get time off from work.

I wasn't too sure how I felt about it all still. I was anxious, much like Edward, and I was nervous. I don't know why _I _felt nervous...maybe it was nervous feelings for him...I didn't know. I just really wanted the Christmas break to come so we could get this over with and put the past behind us.

However, before we could get to that, there was the small event that Alice liked to call Winter Formal. It was the reason I was holed up in Alice's room, with her and Rosalie, feeling thoroughly exposed in the small, red dress I had bought at the beginning of the school year. Alice and Rose were both in black and white, and I stood out intensely with my red dress, my straight hair, and my black pumps.

I wore black accessories and had a sequined clutch that Alice made me buy when we had shopped for all of this stuff ages ago.

"Oh, they're here!" Rosalie said as we heard the doorbell ring throughout the house. I felt a ridiculous swarm of nervous butterflies flitting around my stomach because of my visions of what Edward would look like when I saw him.

We headed down the stairs, careful not to trip over our own feet as we descended and eagerly opened the door.

Edward was nothing like I'd imagined. Shiny, black shoes, clean, dark dress pants, a tight, white, buttoned shirt, and a skinny, black tie. My eyes trailed up to his face, taking note of his severe lack of facial hair and how his unruly locks stood in chaos around his head.

He gazed back at me, taking in my appearance as I looked up at him expectantly.

His eyes met mine, the vivacious green almost dazzling in the bright light, and I actually blushed.

He completed his look with a smile.

**

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**A/N:** Thoughts? Comments? Questions? I'm here! Just click on the little button there.

The song at the beginning is called Happy Endings by The All-American Rejects. I think they're my favourite band of all time, have been since I was in grade 9, lol. They're really good live.

Second, nominations are now opened for the Eddies and Bellies. I've already done my nominating. Go now to nominate as well: http://www(dot)thecatt(dot)net/tw/Nomination(dot)aspx

Third, outfits for the girls are on my profile. The dresses are only slightly different than I described them earlier in the fic.

And...that's all! Leave me some love : )


	25. Saved

**A/N: **Hey ya'll, so sorry this was later than I intended. Work has been taking over my life since I finished school, haha.

Anyway, this is shorter than most, because it's leading up to Chicago.

Thanks to everyone who's stuck by me through this entire story. I love that you all love it as much as me, and I appreciate everything you have to say.

Thanks to my fabulous beta's Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. You help me more than you know, and I love you for it.

Enjoy!

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"_**Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody**_

_**But you believed that I could be somebody**_

_**You put your world on hold for me **_

_**Gave away to follow failure through the fire**_

_**I need you to know I will**_

_**Believe me girl I'm so tired of running**_

_**I just wanna hold your hand**_

_**Stare at you like you've got everything I need"**_

**e.p.o.v**

Bella was...

Well, there were several words to describe the way she looked in her dress; many eloquent words, many nice words. However, as I wasn't used to seeing her in such glamorous clothing, my thoughts were nowhere close to being nice or proper.

I was actually quite surprised when I didn't hump her leg like a dog, because I could only think of two words when I saw her.

Fucking. Hot.

Her dress was so unbelievably tight, all the small ripples clinging to her curves like a second skin. Her tits were on display beautifully, framed by the round ridges of the soft, red material. And her legs – fuck – her legs went on for miles, ending in a pair of matte black heels.

There were no other words; she looked fucking hot, and my libido spiked when her chest and face flushed.

I could only smile, because really, she was a remarkable sight, and sexy as fuck.

I faintly registered Rose and Alice were there too, dressed in white. I think. I had no clue, to be quite honest. I wasn't sure I could look anywhere except at Bella's body because it was just _there, _calling to me. The red was like a beacon, whispering my name seductively.

_Edward..._

I wanted nothing more than to respond to it, but sadly, this night was important to Bella. I knew she wouldn't ditch the Formal just because I was incredibly horny.

Maybe...if I asked nicely?

I helped her put her coat on; keeping quiet, as I knew the first words out of my mouth would not be in any way appropriate. I wanted to whisper in her ear all the things I'd been thinking, every dirty thought that was running through my mind, but I bit my tongue because Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rose were still here too.

Bella was watching me curiously as we headed out to the cars, as if she were waiting for me to compliment her on her attire. I simply held her hand as we walked, keeping my comments to myself until we were alone. We'd all taken separate cars since we weren't sure how long each of our girls wanted to stay or what would happen tonight.

I was glad for the time alone with Bella which those arrangements provided.

"So, you look...wow," Bella said, running her fingers over my tie as we stopped at the Volvo. Alice and Jasper passed us, heading to his car. "Oh, and thanks by the way, I'm glad you like what I'm wearing," she continued sarcastically, motioning to her body, which was now disappointingly covered by the coat.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it's nice to know that you're in a mood," I replied, raising my brows.

"A compliment wouldn't kill you, Edward," she frowned, fingering the ends of her hair. She was being coy and fuck me, if it didn't turn me on even more when she did that.

"Bella?" I waited until she looked up at me. "Believe me, there aren't enough words to describe the way you look."

She smiled, but it was small. "I didn't want you to say that just because I said something about it."

I laughed, shaking my head as I advanced on her, waiting until her back hit the passenger door of my car. I trapped her with my hands, bracing myself on the cool metal, as she looked so tiny, gazing up at me with her large, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think it was appropriate for me to tell you in front of everyone else that you look good enough to fuck," I explained flashing a smile. She gasped quietly.

"Oh," she breathed, brushing her tongue along her bottom lip.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled, bending my neck so I could trace the edge of her jaw with my nose. "I didn't mean to make it seem that I don't like what you're wearing, Bella. I don't think I can express how much I love that dress," I said, nodding to her chest. "You look so...beautiful, that it's almost painful. But then I remember that you're all mine," I continued whispering to her as I toyed with the button on her coat, "and my thoughts...well, in those, you're not wearing the dress."

She giggled softly, the sound adorable and somehow sexy in its breathlessness.

"You want to know something?" She asked, almost as if she had some dirty secret she wasn't supposed to tell. She didn't wait for a reply, instead she wrapped my tie around her hand, pulling me closer until the tip of her nose touched mine. Her eyes were framed by long, thick lashes, boring into my own as she smirked, "I'm not wearing any panties."

At that point, I'm pretty sure I was incapable of movement. She'd never done anything before that left me so...reeling. She laughed and released her hold on me, opening her door and slipping inside, leaving me so stand there, fully erect and shocked as she tapped her fingers against the window. I watched her through the glass, knowing nothing except she had _no fucking panties on _under that dress.

I heard either Jasper or Emmett honking from their car behind us and I jumped at the sound, feeling like a moron as I jogged around to the driver's side.

"You okay?" Bella asked when I backed out of the drive, tightening my grip on the steering wheel to keep from reaching over and touching her bare legs. She must have caught me glancing at her, because she crossed one knee over the other.

"You don't play very fair, Bella," I nearly growled, turning down the heat because I felt like I was going to explode.

"Whatever do you mean?" She asked innocently.

Oh, so that's how she was going to be; Little Miss Innocent.

I wanted to scoff at that thought because she was anything but.

"Nothing," I answered casually, shrugging my shoulders as I pulled into the lot of the school behind Emmett's Jeep. We were quiet as I parked and got out of the car, watching Bella as she came to my side, clicking her heels softly against the pavement as she walked. She took my hand, giving me a cute smile with a hint of seduction to it, still playing up her charade.

I wasn't sure how long I would be able to deal with it.

"It's freezing," Bella said, shaking even though she had on her long, black pea coat.

"We're almost there," I assured her, drawing her in closer to my side as we followed Alice and Jasper to the gymnasium. Several others were making their way as well, all practically running towards the gym because it was just starting to hail, or snow, I wasn't really sure.

Bella handed the teacher our tickets at the door and we stepped inside the Winter Wonderland, overwhelmed by the blue and white that covered the gym walls, ceiling, and bleachers. Alice was part of the student council and was responsible for organizing the entire event. Looking at this place now, I could certainly see Alice going to town on the decorations. Holidays were definitely her thing.

"Alice, this place looks amazing!" Bella appraised, letting my hand go and stepping forward to talk to Alice. I watched as they laughed and undid their coats, checking them in at the makeshift coat check that had been set up in the corner of the gym. When Bella's dress was visible again, I sighed quietly at the sight.

All vulgarity aside, she really did look stunning.

And apparently, some of the others checking in their coats agreed.

Rose appeared at Bella's side, and my hands balled into fists when all three girls elegantly meandered into the crowded gym, followed by the gawking of several idiots that I seriously wanted to punch right now. Eyefucking didn't even begin to describe what they were doing.

"Edward, you okay?" Jasper asked, his hand nudging my shoulder.

"Fine," I muttered, shaking my head and giving my jacket to the teacher at the coat check, getting a ticket in return so I could get it back later. I glanced behind me and Emmett was watching the same guys that I had my eyes on; I knew he saw it too. "Just dealing with these fucking losers," I hissed, nodding my head to the group that had now moved further into the gym.

The music was loud, but not over-bearing in the part of the gym that the coat check was located, so I knew he heard me.

Jasper snorted and we went to find the girls, listening as the music got louder and louder the further we walked. The DJ for tonight's event was on an elevated platform at the back of the gym, projecting music from two large speakers and providing dance lights in colours of blue and white.

The rest of the gym was dark, making it hard for me to find Bella in all the chaos. I had no clue the artist or name of the song, but people were dancing and swaying to the fast beat, bumping into me as I pushed my way through the crowd.

I wasn't sure if Jasper and Emmett were still behind me, and as the song changed to a slow one, I found myself only a few feet away from Bella. She was with Alice and Rose, and what made my cheeks hot with fury was that several guys were trying to dance with them. I watched as Bella smiled awkwardly, glancing to Alice as Rose edged away from one dude that was way too fucking close to her.

I took the necessary steps to get to Bella, wrapping my hand around her waist and pulling her against me.

"She's taken, thanks," I said curtly to the guy. I didn't care if it was possessive or protective. I didn't care if she got mad at me for it. I would be _damned _if some other guy would dance with her the way I danced with her on Halloween.

Over. My. Dead. Body.

The dude got the hint and backed off, leaving me to dance with Bella to the slow, romantic song that was playing.

"My hero," she jested, sliding her arms around my neck, brushing her fingers along the exposed skin at the nape. I smiled down at her, protectively holding her to me as I pressed both my palms flat against the small of her back. Her brown eyes were soft as she gazed at me, following my motions as we created a steady rhythm that fit the song.

We didn't say anything, because words were obsolete.

Instead, I danced with Bella, blocking out everyone else in the room and admiring her beauty tonight as the DJ's lights hit her face every so often as we turned. I felt something hard sweep through my chest, like a foreign emotion I couldn't place. I exhaled harshly at the feeling, bringing my hand up from her back and cupping her cheek, grazing my fingers along the soft underside of her jaw.

"I love you," I mouthed, overcome with this sudden sensation. She smiled, sliding one of her hands down my chest and placing her palm directly over my heart. She didn't need to say it back, because the gesture said it all. I bent my neck, resting my forehead against hers as we continued to dance to the song.

My eyes flickered opened when she shifted her hand slightly, and after a few seconds, Bella's did too. She blinked slowly, and my breath caught when I saw the life and glow in her eyes. I knew what I was feeling, what I never had.

It was her. _Just _her, and nothing else.

She'd believed in me. She'd had some blind faith that I would be able to open up, and not only was she right, she made me do something I never thought I could. She went through hell and back again, fought fire with fire, to bring some semblance of normal to my life, or rather to give my life a sense of normalcy to begin with.

She was my reason for everything. She was the reason I was so comfortable now, in this room full of people, dancing with her when I would have otherwise been having a minor heart attack.

It was just…easy. I didn't feel exposed or vulnerable like I always thought. I was constantly under the impression that I would be scrutinized by others, judged because of any small or seemingly unnoticeable action. I wasn't exactly surprised that this wasn't the case, just humbled that I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.

It was exhilarating.

I felt a smile pulling at my lips and I closed my eyes, sighing against Bella's mouth as she began to sing the lyrics to the song.

"_Green eyes, blue skies, natural disasters when she cries. Green eyes, they're mine; it's only a matter of time."_

My lids fluttered and I stared at Bella, actually listening to the words for the first time since we'd been wrapped up in each other's arms. She repeated the last line again and the song was finished, replaced by a quick, catchy tune that I didn't know.

I wanted to just stay this close to her, protectively casing her in my arms, but the music really wasn't slow-dance appropriate. It was, however, more than appropriate for Bella to grind her perfectly panty-less crotch on my leg as her arms hung loosely around my neck. My mouth was dry and my breathing was heavy with arousal as my hands roamed her back, grazing the pleats in the fabric before I settled them on her ass and squeezed roughly.

That just added fire to the flame as she slid her body intentionally against mine, pressing her tits against my chest and dragging her fingers through my hair.

It was hot...both the way I was dancing with her and the temperature in the gym. I was aroused, yet sweating disgustingly in my tight dress shirt. I kept my eyes on Bella's as I reached up to undo the first two buttons on the shirt, loosening the tie as I went.

The next few songs went by in the same fashion. We danced, our bodies moulded to one another's, greedily seeking a desired release as Bella gyrated against me and I reciprocated by stimulating her with my hands. It was erotic in a way I'd never imagined, and I was thoroughly impressed that it was pleasurable and not painful.

I always thought she would be a no good dancer because of how she sometimes managed to trip over invisible obstacles. I was sure she'd step on my toes or bump into another couple as we danced, but so far, she hadn't. She was graceful and beautiful, moving her lithe body to the rhythm of the music as if she'd been doing it her entire life.

And fuck...it was the biggest turn on for me, ever. Just like Halloween. Finally seeing her in costume and dancing with her so closely...I seriously almost lost my shit and had my way with her right there in front of everyone.

Funny, how I now found myself in a similar situation.

Bella looking sexy and absolutely perfect; check.

Loud music and bodies grinding to the beat; check.

Hard on; check.

I was seriously screwed, doomed to spend the rest of the night with a massive erection straining the zipper of my pants. I internally laughed at this because almost every guy in the gym was doing the exact thing that I was. At least I wasn't suffering the brunt of sexual frustration alone.

After four or five songs, the tune slowed to something that we could relax to. We were both out of breath, and Bella's hair was wildly framing her face, turning slightly curly at the ends because of her constant movement.

She looked radiant.

"I'm all...sweaty," she whispered in my ear as she stepped up on her toes. "All gross...and wet." She giggled at her own words and I would have too, had I not been horribly turned on by what she'd said.

"Bella," I said, tightening my hands around her back, "be a good girl."

"I am being a good girl," she countered, furrowing her brows at me in mock confusion. I felt myself growling quietly, rather than hearing it, because the music drowned out the sound. She was being innocent again. I had no clue why I thought it was so sexy, but it wasn't helping my current situation...at all.

We danced to that slow song, then a bunch of others, lost in the music and moving to the beat. To a few slow songs, I danced with Alice and Rose. Emmett came to cut in for a dance and told me to dance with Rose, which was perfectly all right with me because I knew Emmett's feelings towards Bella. I was trying really hard not to be a douche, and surprisingly, I found him dancing with Bella wasn't that big a deal.

Rose looked amazing. I hadn't paid that much attention to her as it had all been fixed on Bella, but Rose looked beautiful in her dress. We talked as we danced, mostly joking around and laughing. She was one of those people you couldn't help but smile around because she was naturally funny. Plus, her accent sometimes made it hard for me to understand her, which also made her funny, because she got adorably mad when I couldn't make out what she had said.

I danced with Alice to a song too, and for the most part, we were quiet. I felt different around Alice now that she knew part of my past, part of what happened to me. I think she felt it too, because every time she looked at me, it was somewhat sympathetic and understanding, as if she was acknowledging that I was doing my best to be a normal person when I'd had a hard life before.

I tried not to get emotional when I started thinking about everything, and instead I leant down and told Alice she looked really pretty, to which she smiled and told me I 'cleaned up nice.'

After many more songs and dancing with Bella, I swear I almost over-heated, and told her I was going to get a drink. There was a table of free drinks off to the left side of the gym, monitored by one of the teachers; likely because they didn't trust that someone wouldn't spike them. I wouldn't have trusted us either, in all honesty.

I grabbed a cup of some fruity juice and drank it, listening as the music changed to another fast song. I watched the DJ at the stand and grinned when I got an idea. I started making my way through the crowd and up to where he was, pushing past people that were dancing and grinding and making out with one another.

The DJ saw me coming and stepped away from his gear, leaning down so I could request my song.

"Do you have that one?" I all but yelled in this guy's ear.

"Yeah, I should," he assured with a grin. "I'll play it in a few so you can get back," he nodded to the crowd.

"Thanks man," I told him, pushing my way through all the people to find Bella once more. When I found her, she was dancing with Alice and Jasper, shaking her tiny hips to the music as Alice did the same. Jasper was dancing behind Alice, both his hands on her waist and probably having the same problem I'd had the entire night. I mean, how could he not?

When I was close enough, I grabbed Bella around the ribs, pulling her back against my chest and leaning down to kiss her bare shoulder. Her hand reached up, exploring my arm before she tangled her fingers into my hair, gently scraping her nails against my scalp.

We danced near Alice and Jasper for a couple songs, and my heart started to thud irregularly in my chest when three had passed. I knew the DJ would play the song I requested really soon, and I was nervous and anxious for when it came over the speakers.

After those three songs, I heard the beginning of the one I asked the DJ to play. I wrapped my arms tighter around Bella's stomach, kissing the side of her neck and whispering, "I love you," into her skin. I watched as her hand flew up to her mouth, and she turned abruptly in my embrace, gazing up at me with eyes full of love and her bottom lip between her teeth. She took a deep breath before she secured her arms around my neck, fitting her body against mine as her chin rested on my shoulder.

"It's our song," she whispered, delicately stroking the back of my neck with her fingers as we danced to the song we'd made our own so many months ago. I nodded in response to her statement, gently rubbing my hands along her back and closing my eyes as we turned.

"I know," I replied quietly. I listened to the lyrics of the song as we danced, knowing that I was no longer hanging by that frayed thread. I wasn't on the edge of losing everything I loved. Everything I loved was right here with me, in my arms, because she'd given me another chance. I was never sure I'd deserved it, but I was so glad that she had, because she saved me.

She saved me from myself.

"I love you," I told her again, though I wasn't sure if she'd heard me, because it was loud in the gym and I sort of whispered it.

The song was over much too quickly, and when it was finished, Bella kissed along my jaw, ending on my lips as she forcefully took them with hers. I was breathless when she released me, and blinked a few times to get my bearings as she began pulling me by the hand, stopping to talk to Alice and then continuing onward. I had no idea where she was going, but I followed.

She made her way through everyone, up to the coat check, handing the teacher her ticket and grabbing her coat. I took that as my cue to do the same and acquired my jacket as well before Bella tugged me out the door and towards the Volvo.

Apparently, she wanted to leave, so I clicked the button to unlock the car, surprised when she opened the door to the back seat. She climbed in and I ducked down, watching her as she turned and looked at me expectantly. She raised her brows, as if to ask me if I was going to join her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, getting inside and closing the door. "Why do you want –?"

I was silenced by Bella's eager lips.

Oh...

So _that's _why she wanted to come out here.

"Bella," I gasped between kisses.

"Hmm?" She mumbled back.

"The parking lot? Now...?" I asked as she pushed me against the frigid glass of the window. Her lips left mine and she looked up at me, the brown of her eyes striking as the faint light from outside shone in through the tinted windows of my car.

"It's not like we haven't before," she smirked, using the same line I'd used on her when she'd asked me that question. I smiled in return because I loved how adventurous she was.

"That's true," I replied, sitting up so I could get more comfortable. I sat facing the front of the car, helping Bella to straddle my lap. My hands massaged her hips as her lips moved with my own, her tongue stroking mine languidly as we created heat in the dead cold of the Volvo.

After a while, Bella shed her coat, shivering when her bare arms and chest were exposed. She rubbed her hands up and down her skin, creating goose bumps as the cold air affected her. I took my coat off as well, reaching up and pulling her back to me, encasing her in my arms so I could share my body heat with her.

"Why are you so amazing?" She asked quietly, nuzzling her nose against the side of my neck.

"I'm not," I retorted, shaking my head as I grazed my hands along the warm, bare skin of her thighs, tracing invisible lines with my fingertips.

"Yes, you are," she said, working over the buttons of my shirt slowly. "You do so much for me. You do things that make me happy..."

"Because I want you to be happy," I assured her, inhaling sharply as my skin tightened from the cool air. "Bella...you're the only person in the entire world I would do these things for. It's not me who's amazing...it's you. _You_ are. You're worth everything I went through. If I had to suffer like that just to be here with you now...then it's worth it."

She was looking down at me and she blinked, a few, small tears falling across her cheeks as she licked her lips.

"You mean that?"

"I meant every word," I told her, brushing her tears away with the palm of my hand. "I don't even know where I'd be right now without you. I can't imagine what my life would be like, Bella. I felt so destructive after everything...but it was you...you were so fun and – you made me _want _to be normal."

"Really?" She asked in disbelief, still crying quietly on my lap.

"Yeah," I replied, tilting her chin so she would look at me again. "You saved me."

Her breathing picked up and stuttered as her lips collided with mine. We let our emotions guide our actions, giving in to one another as our hands tugged and pulled at articles of clothing. I hiked up Bella's dress, bunching the fabric around her waist and revealing her bare, pink lips, already coated in her arousal. I could smell what I did to her, dragging my fingers up her thigh and teasing her skin as I felt the warmth radiating from her.

She moaned softly, tilting her head back in pleasure, yet still blindly working to undo my pants. When they were opened, I pushed my shirt aside, lifting my hips and shoving the material down so it rested around my knees. Bella's warm hand wrapped around my cock and I slid my fingers inside her at the contact, eliciting a gasp from her.

"One thing," she breathed, glancing to the door and reaching out to push down the lock. "I remember what happened the last time we fooled around in here."

"Mmhmm," was all I managed to say. I did remember, just didn't want to think about it right now. I was so far gone that I couldn't even feel the cold anymore; it was warm, hot, even. I might have been sweating a little bit.

I pulled my fingers from her and stuck them in my mouth, sucking off the liquid desire and wrapping my arm around her back. I pulled her against me, straining my neck to meet her lips as she braced herself on the headrest, spreading her knees out further as she lowered herself.

I felt even warmer as she started moving on top of me, tossing her hair over her shoulders and parting her lips as she breathed heavily. I groaned as she went faster, skimming my hands up her sides and hooking my fingers into the straps around her shoulders. I pulled them down to expose her _bare _tits; my eyes widened when I saw that she wasn't wearing a bra either.

"Bella?"

"Considering your reaction to the panties," she explained, reaching around her ribs to lower the dress even more, "I thought the bra comment would make you cum in your pants."

She picked up her pace again and I cupped her tits in my hands, massaging the skin and moaning when her nipples puckered deliciously from the cold. I exhaled at hot breath across her chest, watching in fascination as she flushed, causing her skin to tighten even further. I almost whimpered as I took her nipple in my mouth, trying to match her thrust for thrust and getting severely annoyed at the sound the leather made. Every time I lifted my hips, the leather stuck to my ass and made a horribly aggravating noise. I gave up after a minute, letting Bella ride me and listening as only the faint squeak of leather filled the car.

"Oh...fuck!" She gasped, her hips bucking against mine as she ducked her head down to my shoulder, her hands gripping the back of my neck. I felt as she came, slowing her movement to a stop as she breathed harshly.

"There's someone outside," she whispered, angling her head and watching as a couple made their way to a car. "What if they saw...?"

"Bella, the windows are tinted," I said, gently thrusting up in encouragement. "They wouldn't be able to see in unless their faces were pressed against the glass. And besides, you just came."

"So?" She said, putting her hand on her chest as she breathed in deeply.

"You like the thrill of being caught," I told her, continuing my motions though she wasn't doing anything in return. She bit her lip, nodding at my statement. I grinned in response, wrapping my hands around her waist and tossing her down on the seat. Her back arched from the cold of the leather, but I quickly made the temperature issue redundant.

When we were finished, the windows were fogged up completely from what we'd been doing. I couldn't even see out the windshield, and I laughed at how we'd warmed up the car.

"Well I bet _that_ will give us away," Bella said with a cute frown.

"Mmm," I mused, "yes, it will. I guess you're not so innocent after all."

---

The two weeks that followed the Winter Formal were both good and bad.

Good, because life in Forks was finally normal. Bella and I were happy, she was making progress living with Charlie, and school was finally coming to an end for this term. We'd both helped Esme to pick out a tree, put up the Christmas lights, and decorate the rest of the house. She and Charlie had picked out a tree as well, and though it was a sad event without Renee, they were managing.

And bad, because the closer to Christmas we got, the sooner it meant I would have to go to Chicago. I was internally freaking out, creating millions of different scenarios in my mind. I was over-analyzing everything about this trip, it was driving me mental.

I'd talked to Carlisle about it a few times, and he assured me that I would know what to say when the time came. I wasn't so sure myself, but if he had faith in me that I could do it, then I wasn't going to discredit him. I was learning to trust everyone in my life, and if that meant listening to Carlisle about this, then I was going to do that. I knew that I couldn't always know what the future held; I just had to go into it blindly and hope everything worked out all right.

We were due to leave for Chicago on the nineteenth and come back on the twenty-first. Esme was going with Bella and me, and almost every day she and I talked about the trip. Esme wanted to make sure that I still wanted to go and that I was okay with doing something so potentially life changing. I was scared as fuck, but I knew this was something I wanted to do. I _needed _to do it.

Most things in life are hard. Things are rarely easy. It was so natural for me to hide in the dark and block everyone out...but that was in the past. It was when I could barely say the name of the place I used to live because I got so angry I couldn't see. When I was so filled with hatred, I treated my own girlfriend horribly. I felt sick to this day when I recalled all the shit I put her through, but I wasn't dwelling on the past. It was something she taught me to do and I wasn't going to remember all that, I was going to move forward.

That was why I was sitting in my living room, staring back at Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice as Bella sat at my side. They were all sitting on the couch and Bella and I were perched on the coffee table in front of them.

"So..." I said, trying to figure out a way to start. "Um, look, I wanted to talk to you guys about something that's...pretty big." I glanced at Bella and she squeezed my hand encouragingly. "I'm...I'm going back to Chicago."

I heard a chorus of outrage and shocked questions flying at me as soon as I finished speaking, but Emmett's reaction was painful. He paled, and I swear to God it looked as if he was going to cry.

"What?" He asked, furrowing his large brows at me, "like, forever?"

"No," I said with a slight chuckle, though there was really no humour to it. "Not forever, just for three days. Bella's coming too."

"Why?" Alice butted in, her concern palpable as she looked at me. I knew she was likely thinking about my father in all of this and I appreciated her apprehension about why I was leaving.

"Well...to see my dad," I admitted quietly. I took a deep breath before I said, "he's dying."

Rose gasped audibly, placing her hand against her chest as the others reeled at what I said.

"Oh, Edward," she said sadly, muttering something under her breath. "I'm so sorry."

I gave her a small smile, not wanting to say anything back to that because really, I didn't know if _I _was even sorry he was dying.

"What's wrong with him?" Emmett asked.

"Uh, lung cancer," I said, trying to calm myself down as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Look, you guys...I know that you know I've confided in Bella about my past. I – I wanted to tell you too, but I've been sort of coming to terms with everything else. I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend...I don't deserve you guys, but I'm glad you haven't thrown me on my ass yet."

"Edward that's not true," Alice protested, her eyes brimming with tears. "You're not a shitty friend. Whatever you've been through is yours to tell, to whoever you want."

"I know," I said, thankful these people, who sat before me were so understanding. "And that's why I want to tell you guys too. I'm going to Chicago in a week and I think it's fair that you know why I'm doing this. I don't want to live with this secret anymore."

They all stared back at me, hopefully prepared for what I was going to say to them.

Bella saw my hesitation and I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"You can do this," she said softly, smoothing her fingers along my neck. "It'll be okay." She kissed the side of my jaw and I knew she was right.

"I believe you," I told her and was rewarded with a beautiful smile before I turned back to the others. "Okay...when – when I was younger, I was abused by my dad..."

Emmett and Jasper were shocked and Alice and Rose were crying, listening as I relayed my past to them, finally. I mostly told my story to the carpet, glancing up every so often to gauge their reactions to what I was saying. It was hard to see the looks on each of their faces as I talked of my childhood, or rather lack thereof.

"Oh my God," Emmett said, his nostrils flaring as I saw him trying to hold back from crying. I'd seen Emmett cry only once since I'd moved in, and that was because he'd stubbed his baby toe so hard he broke it. "That day...when you asked for our phone number..."

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "I wanted out. I wanted to tell you so many times, Em. I just wanted to feel normal. I was so scared and he threatened me to keep me quiet. Your mom...when I told her...that was pretty much the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital a few days later."

"And that's when you came to live with us," he said, as a statement and not a question.

"Yes," I agreed, sighing now that things were out in the open. There aren't words to describe the alleviating feeling, none whatsoever.

"So why are you going back?" Jasper asked an angered tone to his voice. I knew he wasn't directing his anger at me, just trying to vent it some way.

"Because I can't move on," I told him, furrowing my brows. "I still have all this hatred for him. I still think about him all the time and what he did to me. I just want it to go away. I need to forgive what he did...if I don't, if I hold this grudge my entire life...I'm giving in to exactly what he tried to do. It will destroy me to live the rest of my life like this, Jasper. Look what it's done to me so far."

He stared at me, his gaze confused at first, and then softening as he followed my line of understanding. I sometimes hated that I wanted to forgive him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to live the rest of my life holding a grudge against him. It just wasn't healthy.

"When do you leave?" Alice asked quietly.

"The nineteenth," I answered, rubbing circles on Bella's hand. "We come back on the twenty-first."

After that, things were awkwardly quiet. I didn't blame them, because I have no clue what I would have said to something like that had one of them been telling me this instead. They just needed time to accept everything and use what I gave them to understand why I was the way I was.

I didn't need anything in response; I just wanted them to know.

So...we did what we always did. We hung out; we went in the hot tub and watched some scary movies. Bella stayed at my place because Charlie was working the nightshift again, and it wasn't long before we crawled into bed and Bella fell asleep.

My night was anything but peaceful. I was restless most of the time, tossing in bed and trying to fall asleep without having nightmares. It was impossible for me to sleep, and as I woke up for the fourth time at three eighteen in the morning, I nearly jumped out of my skin when my eyes opened.

"Fuck," I whined to myself, tired, and aggravated _because _I was tired. I climbed out of bed, careful not to disturb Bella as I'd scared her a few times this week because of my nightmares. I walked over to the window, pulling back the curtains and watching the stillness of the backyard as snow began to fall.

For the longest time, I just watched it, my eyelids drooping as I fought to stay awake. I wanted to sleep but knew I'd only have nightmares, so I continued to admire the way the snow fell on a diagonal. I rested my arm against the wall, turning my head and watching Bella sleep.

She was so adorable, even when she was unconscious. She was on her stomach, her one arm beneath her pillow and her free hand curled up into a loose fist just below her mouth. Her lips were moving slightly, suggesting that she was talking in her sleep though I couldn't hear what she was saying from where I was standing.

I smiled at the sight, padding back over to the bed and snuggling up to her sleeping form. She didn't stir from my movement, but now that I was closer, I could hear what she was mumbling.

She was dreaming about me.

**

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**A/N: **Hoorah Edward, lol. Anyway, let me know what you think : )

The song quoted at the beginning is called For the Nights I Can't Remember, by Hedley. I swear...I listened to it, and almost cried because it was so fitting to this God damn story. Please just give it a listen. I really love it.

The song Bella quotes when dancing is called Time, by Cute is What We Aim For. And Bella and Edward's song, for those who can't remember, is Hanging by a Moment, by Lifehouse.

Anyway, expect the next update a week from today. I'm hoping to have it earlier, but don't want to promise anything. This next chapter will be intense.

Wish me luck on my exam tomorrow! : S

Leave me some love : )


	26. Not Alone: Part One

**A/N: **Aw, look at me. I'm early! I had a lot of free time and got this chapter done before I intended, but it works out well, because I can post sooner : )

All right, everyone: Chicago! This is really part one of two as I wanted to cut it off at a certain point.

Thanks to all of you who have been supportive of this story. I can't tell you how humbled I am by your reviews. I really appreciate everything : )

Massive, gigantic, explosive love to my beta's, Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. You fix all my mistakes, and tell me what you like and don't like. For that, I love you both.

Enough from moi, enjoy!

* * *

"_**This is, the epitome of everything you see, in the movies**_

_**This world, is a time bomb ticking and I think that I could stop it, if you help me**_

_**I am unravelling, unbearably empty**_

_**And if this ground gives way, I just hope that you catch me"**_

**b.p.o.v**

During the week before we left for Chicago, Edward and I took the plunge. We finally did it.

We applied to college.

Sandy walked us through every step, making sure we knew exactly what we were doing so we didn't fuck it up, because the last thing we wanted was to apply to somewhere we didn't want to go. In the end, we applied to the University of Washington, Dartmouth, and UCLA. The only one I was pulling for was UW; it was the only place I actually wanted to go. The others we applied to just in case one of us didn't get into UW, but I was really, _really _hoping we would both be accepted.

It was closer to home than the others, only being in Seattle, which meant Edward and I could live on our own and still be within a reasonable distance from our families, which we were depending on a lot lately. I was happy when we'd finally applied, only fraught now with worrying about whether or not we would get in to the school we wanted. I guess I had to be patient and wait until February when they began administering acceptance letters.

I was sitting in Edward's room, wrapping presents because we were leaving for Chicago tomorrow, and as soon as we got back, I was going to Seattle to visit Renee. I hated to be leaving so abruptly again when we returned, but I wanted to be home for Christmas day, and the only way I could do that _and _spend a few days with my mom, was to go the day I got back from Chicago.

It sucked royally, but I would live.

I finished putting the last piece of tape on the scarf, mitten, and hat set I'd bought Alice, shoving it aside with the rest of the presents I had wrapped and leaning back on my hands, sighing in relief that I was done. Not two seconds later, Edward walked in, clutching a book to his chest, his brows furrowed as he shut the door quietly.

He wasn't looking at me, but rather looking through me, holding the book so hard his fingers were white.

"Edward?" I said, quickly scrambling to my feet. I went to him, putting both my hands on either side of his face and tilting his head so he focused on me. "Hey, what's wrong? What is it?"

I knew he'd been having nightmares lately. He hadn't been sleeping well, at all, and sometimes scared himself awake. This past week he'd looked exceptionally tired, and I wanted so bad to just fix him. I wanted him to sleep dreamlessly and get some actual rest because I couldn't stand to see him so lethargic. It was painful.

"My parents," he stuttered, his eyes flickering down to the book, which I realized was a photo album now that I was closer. I stepped back a bit, watching as Edward flipped open the album, thumbing the pages as he gazed down at the images. He found a page with one, single picture on it, shifting the book so he could show me.

"That's them?" I asked in a whisper, though I already knew the answer. All he did was nod.

Edward's mother was beautiful, and he was right, he looked exactly like her. She had higher cheekbones and fuller lips, but for the most part, Edward was strikingly similar to Elizabeth, who looked very much like Esme. I smiled at the photo, imagining what she had been like. To me, she seemed like a fun person, full of life and energy, sort of like Esme, but more eclectic. I vaguely wondered if she would have liked me had she still been alive.

I like to think she would have.

And his dad...well, his dad was scary. I could certainly see the edge in his personality just from his pose. His stance was firm, towering over Edward's mother in a protective, possessive gesture. His eyes were exactly like Edward's, and I suddenly felt sick looking at the photo.

I swallowed the giant lump in my throat.

"She's beautiful," I told him, glancing up at him from the book. He was so far away, in another place and time. "You look just like her."

The small smile he gave made my insides turn, and not in a good way.

"You think I'm beautiful?" he asked quietly, closing the book and dropping it on the floor. It landed with a loud 'thud' and he gazed at me, his expression absolutely torn.

"I think you're more than beautiful," I answered, caressing the side of his face and dragging my thumb beneath his eye, highlighting the dark purple that had taken up residence there since he'd been having insomnia. His eyes fluttered closed and he sighed softly, leaning his face into my hand. "Are you tired?"

"Absolutely exhausted," he replied, peeling his lids back slowly. His green eyes that I loved so much were dull, reflecting how little sleep he'd gotten this past week. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bed, flicking off the bedside lamp and bathing us in darkness. I slipped beneath the covers, holding them up so Edward could join me.

"Try to sleep," I encouraged, running my fingers through his silken hair, allowing him to lay his head on my shoulder. He draped his arm around my torso, holding me tight as his warm breath brushed across my neck.

I listened as his breathing sped up before he said, "I don't think I can do this, Bella."

I angled my head, pressing my lips to his temple and trailing small kisses across his skin, continuing my path through his hair with my fingers in an attempt to soothe him.

"Yes, you can," I assured, turning my body into his as he gripped me tighter. "I know this is scary, Edward. I know this is hard, but you have to do this. I know you can."

"How are you so sure?" he asked, shaking his head and looking up to me from my shoulder.

"I don't know anyone else with the strength to live through what you did," I told him, gazing down into his tired, emerald eyes. "If you can get past all of that, and if you can share it all with me, Edward, I have no doubt that you can do this too."

He closed his eyes, inhaling a long breath as his chest pressed into my side from the action.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

I gently kissed the bridge of his nose, lowering my lips until I found his mouth. His lips were soft, his kisses unhurried, until something changed and he flipped me over, pinning me to the mattress. He pressed my hands up above my head, holding them with one of his while his other hand held my waist. I was horribly turned on and a little concerned at his abrupt shift in mood. I tried to pull my hands free but he wouldn't budge. His grip was strong.

"Ed-ward," I tried between kisses, but still, he was insistent. I was trying not to panic. So instead, I stopped kissing him back, turning my head in an attempt to get him to listen to me.

"What is the matter with you?" I asked in a whisper, not trying to be accusatory. He never bound my hands together or refused to listen to me when I spoke to him anymore. If I needed to say something, he would listen.

"I'm so sorry," he said in a rush, bringing my hands down and peppering the skin of my wrists in feather-light kisses. "I didn't hurt you did I? Fuck..." He pulled my hands up, inspecting them carefully and frowning, causing his forehead to crease deeply. "Bella, I'm sorry. I was –"

"I'm not hurt," I told him. "It's okay. I just...I'm scared. Are you all right?"

"Yes...no," he hesitated, "maybe. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking...or maybe I was thinking too much. I don't know. I'm just confused, Bella, because I have no clue what's going to happen. I guess I wanted something to be under my control."

"You wanted _me _to be under your control?" I asked, blinking rapidly at his confession.

"I never said it was rational," he shrugged, looking away from me. The beat of my heart was elevated slightly from our conversation, and I took a few deep breaths before I put my hands back over my head.

"I'm all yours," I said, biting absently on my lower lip in anticipation.

"Don't be silly," he replied, bringing my arms down to my sides again. "Can I just kiss you some more?" he asked, his fingers lightly stroking the skin of my throat as I nodded.

"Anything you want," I told him, straining my neck until my lips met his. We made out for a while, and I could feel Edward's apology through his actions as he was being gentle and careful, making sure his hands weren't too rough.

I was upset that he was still so unsure of everything, but I could understand his uncertainty. I couldn't imagine what he was going through.

After some time, our kisses turned into chaste pecks, and I was so elated when Edward finally fell asleep, cuddled up to me. His head was in the middle of my chest and his leg was draped across my knees, resting a lot of his weight on my body. I wasn't incredibly uncomfortable, but I wasn't in any position to sleep, so instead I mulled over the next week, thinking about how it would be to spend time away from Edward just after something so monumental.

I was listening to the long, comforting breaths of Edward, when I heard a few small knocks coming from the other side of the door. I didn't want to yell for whoever it was to come in because I didn't want to disturb Edward. He hadn't slept well in days and I couldn't bear to wake him.

After a minute of no response, the door tentatively opened, revealing the small figure of Esme, though I couldn't really see her face.

"Edward?" She called.

"He's asleep," I whispered, craning my neck to look at her. Since I was used to the dark, I could see her as she came closer.

"Oh good," she said, sighing as she bent over his sleeping form and ran her fingers through his hair. "I came up to tell you that dinner's ready, but if he's asleep, I don't want to wake him."

"Me neither," I admitted with a smile, grateful that this woman was so good to him, that she treated him like her own. I couldn't express how much I loved her.

"I'll save some for you two and you can heat it up when he's awake," she said with an affectionate smile, still watching Edward as he slept.

"Thank you," I replied, caught up in emotion. She acknowledged my comment with a small nod and straightened, but before she left, I cleared my throat quietly. "I love you, Esme."

She stood there staring at me, smiling warmly as the motion creased the corners of her eyes.

"Sweetie, I love you too," she replied. She gathered her hair in one hand and leaned over Edward, gently kissing my forehead. "I can't imagine him being with anyone else."

I almost cried when she said that, smiling widely and nodding at her comment for fear that I would sound choked up if I began to speak. She closed the door quietly when she went, leaving me to the sound of Edward's breathing again as I closed my eyes.

After a while, I began to feel sleepy, trying to shift slightly to get comfortable enough to relax into a slumber. I felt myself slipping, nearing unconsciousness, when Edward began shaking. His leg twitched on top of mine and his fingers tightened around the fabric of my shirt, bunching it up as he began breathing heavily. It was scaring me.

"Edward," I said softly, trying to jostle him awake. He didn't respond, and instead he began muttering things, his chest rapidly heaving against my side from his nightmare. "Edward, wake up," I pleaded, shaking my shoulder to get him to move.

"No," he breathed, not in response to what I'd said, but to something I couldn't fathom. He kept repeating that one word, and before long, he was almost convulsing he was shaking so hard.

I couldn't help it; I started crying.

"Edward," I said forcefully, shaking him with my free hand. "Please..."

Just then, he shot up, his entire body rigid as he sat on the bed. My heart was racing as I sat up too, watching Edward as he stared at the foot of the bed unblinking, his face as pale as the sheets.

"Don't hurt me," he begged his throat thick with tears he wasn't shedding. "Don't..." He backed up, crawling over the pillow and clutching onto the headboard.

"Edward...?" I said confusion marring my features as I tried to understand what was happening. "What's wrong? I won't hurt you," I told him, frowning at such a thought.

"Dad...no," he cried, bowing his head and cringing away from me. I gasped when I realized he was still asleep. I reached out, touching his arm lightly, getting no response from him in return. He curled his legs up to his chest, burying his head in his knees, before he started screaming.

I jumped at the dreadful sound, clasping my hands over my mouth and watching in horror as the love of my life relived everything he went through in a night terror. He kept screaming, making me cry even harder because I could do nothing to help him. I knew not to wake someone when they were experiencing something like this.

The door burst open a minute later and someone turned on the lights. Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett came in, frantically looking over to me as my gaze flickered between them and Edward.

"What's happening?" Carlisle asked over Edward's throaty screams. I shook my head, trying to dry my tears.

"I thought he was awake...but he's not," I explained, motioning to him. "He was talking...I think it's a night terror."

Esme stepped forward, likely intent on waking him, but Carlisle stopped her.

"Don't...you can't wake him, Esme. He has to come out of it on his own," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as she turned her face into his chest. I couldn't tell if she was crying over the noise Edward was making, but it was highly likely. I glanced over to Emmett and his brows were furrowed, the pain evident on his face as he watched his cousin.

The longest two minutes of my life were spent waiting for Edward to quiet. His cries died in his throat and his head fell back against the headboard. His eyes were opened, staring at the ceiling, though they were empty. He still wasn't awake, after all that. I heard as he sighed, and a few seconds later, his eyes closed.

Mine were wide and frightened as I looked back to Carlisle.

"He's asleep now," he assured, nodding his head. "He should be all right until he wakes up."

I was surprised at how calm Carlisle remained through everything, but then again, he was a doctor. He dealt with _dying _patients daily, I'm sure Edward screaming in his sleep was nothing in comparison. He left with Esme, but Emmett remained, sitting on the edge of the bed and never taking his eyes off Edward.

"Coop - this is so fucked up," he said quietly, palming his forehead before scratching the top of his head. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

"I doubt he'll remember any of it, Emmett," I told him truthfully. "He's unconscious."

Just as I spoke, Edward's entire body shook as he awoke.

"Whoa," he said, cringing away from the bright light. "What's going on?"

**e.p.o.v**

"Edward, it's time to leave!" Esme called up the stairs.

I sat up in my bed, the place I'd been for the last few hours trying to sleep. I hadn't been able to rest again since the evening before, when I'd scared the fuck out of Bella and the rest of my family with a night terror. I couldn't remember for the life of me what had happened when I'd woken up, and for that, I was thankful.

I wouldn't be able to deal with what happened in my night terror and still be able to go through with going to Chicago all at once. It was just too much to ask one person to do.

I grabbed my rather large carry-on, because instead of packing suitcases for the three-day trip, we were just shoving some clothes into it and going on our way. It wasn't like we needed very much. We'd really only have one full day in Chicago because we got in later today and left in the afternoon on the twenty-first.

I headed down the stairs, making sure I had everything I needed before we left to go get Bella from her house. She hadn't spent last night at our place, saying something about wanting to be there for Charlie before she left for well over a week. I wasn't immensely thrilled that she was leaving for Seattle as soon as she got back from Chicago.

Actually, I was dreading it.

"Oh, good, come on," Esme said with a warm smile, already waiting by the front door in her coat, with her spacious Luis Vuitton carry-on at her feet. I rolled my eyes, women and their fucking bags. I would never understand the need for something with so much room. A litter of kittens could fit in the goddamn thing.

I set my bag down and grabbed my brown coat from the closet, trying to do this whole 'Chicago thing' one-step at a time.

Okay, coat...shoes...bag.

Baby steps.

Esme and I bid our goodbyes to Carlisle and Emmett, and Carlisle told me that if I needed to talk to him, about anything, to just call him. I appreciated that he was going to be with me through this even if he wasn't going to be there with me physically. It made me feel better, if only slightly.

The drive to Bella's was short, and as soon as we pulled up, her front door opened. She looked adorable in her black pea coat, with a hat, mittens, and scarf that were off-white in colour. The hat suited her perfectly, having a small bauble on the top, with two, long braids hanging down on either side of her face.

I just wanted to give her a big hug.

She opened the back door and threw her bag in before climbing inside.

"Hey," she said with a smile, pulling her hat and mitts off, sending her hair into static chaos. I turned in my seat and laughed as Esme began the trek to the airport.

"Love what you've done with your hair," I teased, reaching back and grabbing a handful of her crazy tresses. She patted the top of her head and her little mouth fell opened in astonishment.

"This stupid hat," she grumbled, tossing it aside and trying to regain control of the frizz in her hair. I smiled at how she could brighten my mood just by simply being herself. "What's got you smiling all goofy?" she asked, pretending to be mad at me for the hair comment.

"Just...you," I smirked. She stuck out her tongue playfully and I turned back around, carrying conversation on with both Bella and Esme the entire way to the airport.

I felt calm as we made our way there, feeling at ease and subdued as Bella talked about everything possible. I was glad she was in such a chatty mood because I needed the distraction. However, once we arrived at the airport, and waited to board our plane, I may have started panicking, just a tiny bit.

"I'm going to run to the washroom quick," Esme said, setting down the magazine she'd been reading and leaving Bella and I alone.

"Jesus, you're making me so anxious," Bella said her tone hushed as she spread her palm across my knee. I hadn't realized I'd been jiggling my leg, but as she touched me, my movements stopped. "Please...try to relax, Edward," she pleaded soothingly. I cast a sideways glance to her and she smiled affectionately, wrapping her arm around my waist and giving me that hug I'd wanted earlier.

She smelled the way she was supposed to, like strawberries, and she felt so warm that I didn't want to let her go.

"You're so cute," I mused, remembering how I'd thought that earlier as she'd worn her hat.

"And why's that?" she asked, tilting her head up to me.

I shrugged, "You just are. And - I'm sorry I'm making you anxious. It's just all so much more real now that we're here, at the airport," I explained.

She leant up and placed the softest kiss on my lips, making a sweet, little sound that calmed every, single nerve in my body. If she hadn't been with me right now, I'd hate to think of what would be racing through my mind. I knew that I wouldn't be able to board the plane if she wasn't at my side.

"Remember what you said?" she asked, pulling away and looking up to me. "One step at a time; you're just getting on a plane. Don't even think about where it's going."

"But..."

"Edward...this will be so much easier if you try to calm yourself down. Just relax, and maybe try to sleep on the plane," she said, running her hand up and down the outside of my jacket.

"I know, you're right," I admitted, shaking my head. "It - this is all just – it's so much, Bella. This is everything I've been scared of my entire life."

She tilted my head back to hers, kissing me sweetly again.

"But you're not alone this time," she whispered against my lips.

---

I was pleasantly surprised when I fell asleep on the plane.

It was uncomfortable as shit, but I was exhausted, and listening to the hushed voices of Esme and Bella was enough to lull me to sleep. I'd shared a blanket with Bella, snuggling beneath it and holding her hand as I rested my head against the wall of the plane. I had the window seat while Bella sat beside me, talking to Esme across the aisle.

I woke up as we began the descent, groaning quietly in discomfort as I listened to Esme's voice.

"...she really was," Esme said, sounding miles away, as if she was reminiscing about something. "I was devastated when she died. I loved her so much. Before she married Edward, she was so fun. I would see her all the time. Things changed when they got married. Edward was always...strange, oddly possessive of her and easily aggravated. Liz said he never hit her, but after what he did to Edward, I wouldn't put it past him."

"I wish I could have met her," Bella replied, her thumb lightly stroking the back of my hand as she'd held it the entire time I was asleep. I didn't move at all, and instead I eavesdropped on their conversation, listening as Esme divulged more about my mother to Bella.

I felt my breaths coming faster from the way Esme's voice shook in remembrance. I missed a woman I never knew, but Esme missed a woman she'd known since birth. I couldn't imagine Esme's grief after her death.

"Sweetie, wake him up," Esme said. "We'll be landing in a minute."

I felt Bella turning in her seat, followed by her hand nudging me on the arm.

"Edward, were here," Bella said quietly. "Wake up."

I peeled my face from the side of the plane, turning to Bella with my eyes half-closed because I was still dead tired.

"Did you sleep all right?" she asked, frowning slightly.

"It was okay," I said with a shrug. "Not the most comfortable position, but I slept. No nightmares," I told her proudly with a yawn.

"Well that's good," she said with a sigh. "I'm happy you didn't have another night terror either." From the tone in her voice, and the way she described it last night, I knew I fucking scared her. Like...bad. I couldn't believe I'd screamed in my sleep and hadn't woken up from the noise.

I gave her a small smile and relaxed back in the seat as the plane landed. We grabbed our carry-ons and waited for about five minutes before the line of people began moving. I was sure that during any other time of the year there would be absolutely nobody on a plane to Chicago from Washington. It was only because it was Christmas that virtually every plane in the world was full.

We made our way downstairs and over to where car rental companies were stationed. Esme waited in a long line as Bella and I sat on a bench not too far away. We were quiet as we watched people making their way through the airport, and I laughed when the handle on some guy's suitcase broke.

"How are you holding up?" Bella asked, shifting slightly and tapping her knee against mine.

I shrugged. "Okay, I guess. I know I'm not going until tomorrow, so I think that's why I'm good right now." I hesitated before I continued. "I...I heard you talking to Esme."

"Oh..." Bella said, chewing on her thumbnail anxiously. "What'd you hear?"

"Things about my mom," I admitted, taking her fingers away from her face so she didn't chew her nails into non-existence. "It's…hard, to hear stuff about her, how much Esme misses her. It makes me feel guilty even though I shouldn't. I wonder how different things would be if she hadn't died."

"Do you ever wish things had turned out differently?" she asked quietly, hesitantly.

"No," I admitted, glancing to her to gauge her reaction. She smiled softly, chewing on the inside of her lip. "I can't imagine my life any other way, but sometimes I think about what it would be like if she were still alive."

Bella nodded in understanding, lacing her fingers with mine and placing our hands on her lap as we waited in silence for Esme to acquire a car. I was fucking owning this one-step-at-a-time thing, pleasantly surprised that I was successfully in Chicago and not having a panic attack.

We left the airport and scoured the lot for a car we wanted, opting for a dark blue Honda Civic. I let Bella have the front seat this time and climbed in the back, shivering from the cold and pulling the zipper of my jacket up even further.

"Holy hell, it's like minus thirty out," Bella over-exaggerated. I laughed at her statement, figuring that she was probably close to being right because of how much air I expelled during that one breath. The car heated up much quicker than I thought it would, and warmth spread through the interior, causing my shivers to cease after a few minutes.

"Do you mind if we take a quick detour?" Esme asked, glancing back to me through the rear view mirror. Her expression was hard to read and I shrugged in response.

"Sure," I answered. I looked out the window as we drove, remembering Chicago much differently, having a completely separate image in my mind. It was snowing as we made our way, coating the ground and sidewalks in a blanket of white. I don't know what it was about the fall and winter seasons, but I much preferred them to the warmer ones.

Bella turned on the radio after we'd been driving for some time, and I began humming the familiar tune, tilting my head to look out the other window. Esme came to a stop, turning left down a side street.

I felt my heart slam up into my throat when I recognized the small convenience store on the corner.

"Wh-Esme…" I said, gripping onto the edge of the seat tightly.

"We're not stopping, sweetheart. I just wanted to drive by," she assured, slowing down a tiny bit.

"Where are we?" Bella asked in confusion, shifting in her seat and looking back at me. Esme came to a full stop, and I looked out the window, to the house I used to call my home. I pointed, unsure if I could even articulate it.

"This is where Edward used to live," Esme said with a sigh. I glanced at Bella, and I could tell that this caught her off-guard because she cast her eyes down to her lap before they fell on the house outside. I looked with her, barely breathing because of all the memories that assaulted me.

I began feeling nauseas as I recalled everything, remembering too much for my liking and finding it scary as hell that I still knew the inside of that house as if I'd never left it.

"Go," I said in a ragged breath, "please. Esme…"

She made a quick, three-point turn, going back the way she came. I threw my hands over my eyes, letting my head fall against the headrest as I tried to stop my thoughts. I willed myself to quit thinking about everything that had happened in that house, but I couldn't. Memories were flooding my mind like a tidal wave, and I was scared that the undertow was going to be too much for me to handle.

I started jiggling my leg again, anxious and overwhelmed, pleading with myself to get a grip before I lost it. I couldn't hear anything with the exception of my breathing and the gentle hum of the car, and after a few minutes, I found the noise soothing. I peeled my hand away from my face, blinking before I focused on Bella as she watched me from the front seat.

She didn't say anything, but if she had said something, I knew what it would have been.

_It's okay. You're okay._

And she was right, or she would have been right. I was fine, just shaken.

Esme parked in the hotel's lot and we all grabbed our bags, checking in and making our way up to the room. It had two Queen-sized beds; Esme and Bella were sharing one and I had the other to myself. Bella took off her coat and went into the bathroom as I sat down on the edge of my bed. Esme joined me, clasping her hands together on her lap.

"I'm sorry I took you there," she apologized, her gaze fixed on her hands rather than me. "I wasn't thinking."

"It's...it's okay," I told her. "I was just surprised. Compared to what I'm doing tomorrow, that's nothing, so I guess I should be thanking you. I'll be...more prepared for seeing him."

"We can still come with you," she said supportively, but I shook my head.

"I have to do this by myself," I said, trying to be strong in my statement. I wanted nothing more than to have the both of them holding my hands as I did this, but I couldn't depend on them for everything. There were some things I had to do alone, and facing my father was one of those things. This was _my _past, _my _closure.

After we got settled into the room, Bella and I curled up on one of the beds and watched TV for a while. I was close to falling asleep again, but I was too wrapped up in my thoughts for my mind to rest enough to let me. Esme had been in and out of the room, doing God knows what, and as it neared six, she suggested we go get some dinner.

We drove to a restaurant that was about ten minutes from the hotel, enjoying the night-lights of Chicago and the snowfall that seemed to be constant around this time of year. It hadn't let up since we landed.

Dinner was quiet, but not awkward. I was thinking way too much, about everything, and I wasn't really in a talkative mood. I could tell I was affecting Bella and Esme, but every time I cast a glance at either of them, I was met with an encouraging smile. I would never know how to thank either of them for being here with me right now.

When we were back in the room, it was just after eight, but to me, it felt like midnight. We all got ready for bed and watched TV for a while, before we called it a night. I lay on my side, facing Bella and Esme's bed, and watched Bella as she stared back at me. She mirrored my pose, tucking her hand beneath her chin as I watched sleep slowly creep on her.

I was jealous when she finally fell asleep, trying desperately to do the same myself. I tossed and turned most of the night, falling asleep in short intervals. I felt cold and hot all at the same time when I awoke, shivering but wanting the covers off me. I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I did, so at some time around two, I got up, padding over to the balcony and stepping outside into the cold. I didn't have shoes on and the concrete was icy, stinging my feet as I peered over the edge of the rail.

The snow was deep on the sidewalks below, covering them completely as if they hadn't ever been there in the first place, but the roads were visible, likely because plows had been by to clear it away. I was shaking from the cold after a minute of being outside, holding my sides tightly and deciding it was best to go back in so I didn't get deathly ill.

"Edward?"

I looked up just as I stepped back in, nearly bumping into Bella because of how close she was.

"What are you doing awake?" I asked, shutting the glass door quietly and locking it afterwards.

"I should ask you the same," she said in a hushed voice.

"I haven't been to sleep yet," I told her, my tone clipped because of how exhausted I was. She sighed, looking away from me and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She took my hand, leading me over to my bed and climbing on top of the sheets.

"I'll go back to my bed when you fall asleep," she assured, sitting up with her back against the headboard. I crawled beneath the covers, settling with my head on her chest and wrapping my arm around her waist.

"I love you," I whispered, kissing between her breasts through her shirt. I didn't mean for it to be sexual, it was merely the closest place for me to put my lips.

"I love you too," she said with a cute giggle. "Go to sleep."

I wasn't sure why I fell asleep easier with Bella, but after twenty minutes of my eyelids flickering in near-sleep, I was finally unconscious.

---

When I woke up in the morning, I felt like shit.

My throat was dry and raw, and my arms and legs were as stiff as planks of wood. The faint buzz of the TV could be heard in the background, and over that, I could hear Esme. She wasn't talking to Bella, but she was talking to someone, though I could barely make out what she was saying. Everything was fuzzy.

I coughed, feeling it rumble through my chest in the most unpleasant way possible.

"Are you awake?" I heard Bella's voice close to me, and I scratched my head before reaching my hand out to wherever she was. I felt her small, warm fingers lacing with mine and I put my other hand over top of ours, relishing in the heat because I was freezing.

"Mmm," I mumbled. It was supposed to be a 'yes' but that was the best I could do.

"Are you okay?" she asked in concern. I furrowed my brows, opening my eyes slowly and thanking God that the curtains were drawn and the only source of light came from the television.

"Fine, why?" I countered, sitting up a bit and leaning on my elbow as Bella sat a foot away from me, her legs crossed and my hands in her lap.

"Uh...well," she started, biting her lip and looking away. "You...last night –"

"Bella, just tell me," I said in aggravation.

"You had another night terror," she told me, bowing her head and gripping my fingers tighter.

"Fuck," I muttered, resting my head back on the pillow. That explained the raw throat and the stiff limbs. "I'm so sorry. I hate that I keep scaring you. Come here." I held my arms out for her and she crawled over to me, lying with her head curled into my chest.

"It's not your fault," she told me, nuzzling her nose against my shirt. "I just hate seeing you like that. It's horrible."

I kissed the top of her head, feeling so much warmer than I did before.

"Edward, honey, how are you feeling?" Esme asked. I turned to look at her and she was cradling her phone in her hand. Her usually beautiful face was twisted with torment and her hair was still wet. I'd never seen Esme like this before in my life. She was always so put together.

"I'm okay," I told her honestly. "I don't remember anything."

"Good," she said with a false smile.

"I have no idea...what's happening," I said, my voice wavering in unease. "On top of all this, I'm screaming in my sleep?"

"I just talked to Carlisle," Esme told me, holding up her phone. "He said he's not overly surprised." I frowned at her admission. "He said that it's a sleep disorder found in children, mostly boys, but it can happen with adults. It's usually associated with stress and anxiety; insomnia files in there as well as fear."

My eyes widened at her.

"So...I –" I really had no idea what to even say to that.

"He thinks you're having them because you're under a lot of stress. He said they don't always occur in frequent patterns, but they come and go without warning. One night you may have one, and then you may never have one again. It's unpredictable," Esme explained.

"Well that's fucking fabulous," I murmured, shaking my head. "I can't sleep, and when I do, I scare the hell out of the two of you?"

"Edward, it's not your fault," Bella said, looking up to me.

I was getting frustrated, and I was already pissed, stressed, and anxious.

"Yeah, I know," I said, sitting up and gently easing Bella from me. I wasn't trying to be a dickhead, but I just needed to gather my thoughts. "I'm going to shower."

After I had used up all the hot water, I changed, heading down to the continental breakfast with Esme and Bella. I didn't say a word, picking at my food rather than eating it because I had no appetite. I did, however, have three cups of coffee before we went back upstairs.

The two of them were going to go shopping while I went to the hospital. Apparently Esme still had some Christmas shopping to do, and truth be told, so did I. I hadn't yet found the perfect gift for Bella. I made a mental note to go later on in the afternoon when I was done there.

I felt nauseas when we left the room, because this time, I knew where I was going. I swear I almost broke Bella's hand I was squeezing it so tight, but she didn't make a peep. We both sat in the back on the way to the hospital, engulfed in silence once more, not that it was a drastic change from the rest of the trip so far.

Esme pulled up in front, putting the car in park and turning to look back at me.

"Okay," she said, "here we are."

"Yeah," I mumbled, looking out to the building. I was scared to move...hell I was scared to even breathe.

"Edward," Bella said, nudging my side. "Get out."

I fiddled with her fingers, wanting to do anything _but _what she said. Anything in the world...

"I can't –"

"Yes...Edward, you can," Bella said, her voice so sure. "The faster you get out of the car and go talk to him, the faster this will all be over with. I promise you never have to come back to Chicago ever again."

I smacked my head against the window, feeling as my emotions raged within me. I was so lost.

I unlocked the door, and climbed out of the car, pulling Bella with me.

"Okay," I said, holding both of her hands. "Okay."

"I'll be with you, all right?"

"But what if it's too much?" I asked. "What...fuck –" I growled, dropping my chin to my chest and shaking my head. This was _too fucking much. _

"Here," she said, reaching back inside the car. She had a pen in her hand and she took my arm, pushing up my sleeve. She twisted it awkwardly and began writing, but I couldn't see what it was. "If you want to run...if you think you can't do it...just look at this."

I looked down to my arm, where Bella had scrawled: _I love you, you're not alone._

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** So...intense, yes? Let me know your thoughts! Since I don't know when I'll update next (with the craziness of the holidays) I will provide a nice teaser for those who leave me something!

Night terrors are **real. **The technical, medical term for them is Pavor Nocturnus. My brother had them when he was about seven; they are scary as all hell. It's like they're awake but they aren't all there. They see things that aren't real, as if they're kind of in a parallel universe. It's useless to try to wake them, and it's not recommended by doctors to try to do so. After they come out of it, they fall back asleep as if nothing happened. They don't last for long, but they can get pretty intense. Look it up on Google for more info ; )

The song quoted at the beginning is called Saved by Spill Canvas. I think you've already learned by now that I love them.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great holiday! I will probably be writing through them, but I don't know when I'll update next. Not until after Christmas, for sure. I send my love to everyone! Thanks for reading.

-Tanya xo


	27. Not Alone: Part Two

**A/N: **Happy freaking 2010 everyone! Wow, I can't believe it. 2010. Anyone actually have a New Year's resolution that they'll stick to?? I always say I'll stick to mine...but really, I never do. Lol.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday. I, myself, had a pretty good one, if I do say so. "Santa" was good to me ; ) Lol.

Thanks again, everyone, for being so kind in your reviews. I got a great response last chapter and I'm thinking I will offer teasers for these last few chapters as well : ) After this, I will have 2 and an epilogue, then that's it! All done. But...I AM working on a new fic that's already got one chapter done and beta'd. I will post it with the epilogue of FMP.

My betas, Claire, Jess...really, I have no words. You're both fabulous. I really can't thank you enough for your help and input on these chapters.

Enjoy!

* * *

"_**And the day pressed on like crushing weights**_

_**For no man does it ever wait**_

_**Like memories of dying days, that deafen us like hurricanes**_

_**Bathed in flames we held the brand, uncurled the fingers in your hand**_

_**Pressed into the flesh like sand**_

_**Now do you understand?"**_

**e.p.o.v**

The ink burned hot on my skin, a reminder on my flesh that I could do this; I could face my fears. I wasn't alone anymore, and though I had felt like it, I hadn't been since I left Chicago. I had a supportive family and a loving girlfriend. I had everything I ever wanted.

_I can do this._

I glanced back to the car as I walked through the automatic doors to the hospital, watching as the Civic pulled away from the curb and Bella's face disappeared with it. My hands were shaking a bit so I stuffed them in my jacket pockets, as if that would make a fucking difference. At least nobody would know that I was frightened out of my mind.

I went up to the nurse's station, not sure where he was specifically.

"Hi there, can I help you?" the middle-aged nurse asked from behind her tall counter.

"Uh...I'm looking for someone," I began, inwardly kicking myself for making such a dumb statement. "Edward Masen."

She soundlessly looked through some files and checked her computer before she frowned at the screen.

"It seems that Mr. Masen has been moved to intensive care. I'm afraid only immediate family is allowed for visitation," she explained, clasping her hands together on her desk. I blanched at the fact that he had been moved to intensive care. Why in the world would he be there?

"I'm his son," I replied. The woman blinked at me, and her brown eyes widened as she tried to find _something _to say to me. I wondered if she knew of my father's crime, or if she simply wondered how I'd functioned all these years with my father behind bars.

I didn't know, but her reaction was priceless.

"So...can I see him?" I asked, leaning against the counter.

"Of course you can see him," another nurse said, approaching the counter. She was blonde, with her hair pulled back into a pony tail as she wore dark blue scrubs. To be honest, she was very pretty. She wasn't my type, at all; she sort of reminded me of Rosalie. Besides, the only person who fit the bill for 'my type' was Bella.

"Thanks," I said with a nod.

"No problem. Oh, and I'm Tanya; I'll take you to him," she offered, "just give me one moment."

I nodded again and turned away from the counter, letting my eyes wander around the white, sterile interior. Automatic hand sanitizer dispensers were everywhere, and I walked over to one, letting some fall into my palm before I spread it over my hands. The sanitizer smelt just like the hospital.

"All right then, follow me," Tanya said from behind me. I turned and walked next to her, waiting before we got into the elevator. "So, what's your name?"

"Edward."

"Edward? That's your father's name, isn't it?" she asked curiously.

"Uh, yeah, it is," I answered with a small, nervous laugh. It was so ridiculous that my father couldn't be bothered to give me any other name in the world; he had to give me his.

"Oh," she mused, leading me down a hallway as we exited the elevator. "That's interesting."

I rolled my eyes when she wasn't looking at me, because really, that wasn't interesting...at all.

"How come he's in intensive care?" I asked suddenly when I saw the signs of that unit.

"Quite recently your father's heart rate has been elevated," Tanya began, stopping in front of the room where I assumed my father was. "It's unclear why this is, and we've been monitoring it carefully, but last night he had a seizure. He hurt himself in the process, sustaining a minor blow to the head and several bruises from his attack. Doctors moved him to intensive care because of his condition."

"Oh..." I replied stupidly, because I had nothing to say in return.

"He's been very lethargic since it happened. He'll likely be asleep when we go in. He needs his rest."

"Okay...well, I mean – how is he?" I asked, stumbling over my words.

"Right now he's stable," she said honestly. "He's weakening, and the seizure certainly didn't do much to help him." She tried to smile encouragingly, but hers wasn't the smile I needed to see. It was with Bella. "Would you like to go in?"

I stood up straighter, as if that would somehow prepare me more, before I nodded, "Yeah."

Tanya opened the door and led me inside, and immediately I heard the machines as they beeped, signalling that the patients still had a heartbeat. I would love to know what mine sounded like right at this moment. I bet it would be off the charts.

I took several deep breaths, feeling extremely anxious and sick. Tanya was shorter than me, and as we approached the bed, I could see him from over the top of her head. I swear I almost jumped back ten feet.

But instead, I just stopped walking, fighting the build up of emotions inside of me.

Anger, hurt, pain, fear, loathing...

Everything bad welled up and I stood where I'd stopped, gazing upon the bruised, sleeping face of my father. He had small tubes running across his cheekbones that had been inserted into his nose to help him breathe. He had an IV in his wrist.

"Edward, is everything okay?" Tanya asked in concern.

"Yeah," I lied, taking a tentative step forward. "Do you think...will he wake up sometime soon?" I asked, cautious of how close I got his bed. Tanya's lips pursed into a thin line and she shook her head.

"I don't think he'll be awake for a while, unfortunately," she told me. "You could always come back later to visit."

"No," I protested, shaking my head, "no. That's all right. I'll stay for a bit now."

I breathed a sigh of relief when she nodded and left me alone. I watched him for another few minutes, afraid to move or make a sound. Eventually, I pulled up a chair, setting it a few feet away from the bed and sat down to continue watching him. I let everything take me over, experiencing every emotion possible as I saw his chest rising and falling rhythmically.

I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even think. I just stared at him, glad that he was asleep and I didn't have to say anything to him or explain why I was here after all these years. I didn't have an answer to that because I didn't even know myself.

I stood up after about ten minutes, feeling slightly panicked and really fucking edgy. It almost felt like I was going to over-heat or something so I shrugged off my jacket, tossing it around the back of the chair and sitting down once more.

I tensed as his heart started to beat a little bit faster. Running my fingers anxiously through my hair, I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt to my elbows. I rested them on my knees, putting my palms to my forehead and gazing down to the floor.

I was freaking out.

I needed to calm the fuck down before I did something stupid. I closed my eyes after a minute, listening to the monotonous beeping of the machine and trying to clear my head. I peeled my lids back and my eyes fell on the writing on my arm. I felt a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth and I sat up, looking reverently at the beautiful scribbles and wondering if she was having a good time at the mall.

I swallowed down all my fear, and though I wasn't fully able to control my emotions, I was able to manage them. Knowing that Bella was here in Chicago was enough for me.

I could do this.

My family believed in me.

"Hi...dad," I said quietly, glancing up at his face, anxious as I tugged at a loose thread on my jeans. I wasn't expecting a response from him, and I leaned back in the chair, getting comfortable and telling myself repeatedly that _I could do this._

After that, I kept talking. I told him everything. I told him how I hated him after what he'd done to me and I wasn't sorry that I'd told Esme what he'd been doing. I told him how life had been in Forks and I told him about Bella. I talked about her a lot, finding that I was serene as I described every quirk and flaw, picturing her beautiful smile and adorable laugh in my mind.

I was so angry with him, especially when I talked of how he'd almost ruined me, I nearly started crying. He'd turned me into this shell of a person that was scared of showing himself to the people he loved. My hands shook in anger, and I thought of how easy it would be to just slip the pillow over his head and end this all now. It was a rampant thought and I regretted it as soon as it came to my mind.

I would be no better than him.

"I hate you for a lot of things," I told his sleeping form, "but I am thankful for one thing. I'm thankful your actions gave me a better life. I don't care about your reasons for being the way you were, but what you did...it changed me. I'm happy now, and after this, I plan on living my life. I don't need this anymore." I waved a hand at his body and shook my head.

"I'm done with feeling scared. I'll have the memories for life, but I won't hold it against you. I need to let go," I continued, closing my eyes briefly as I took a deep breath. "I forgive you," I finally said.

I looked at him, and just as I stood to leave, his fingers twitched. My breathing stuttered and I quickly grabbed my jacket, sliding it over my shoulders and doing it up as I kept my eyes on him to make sure he didn't move again. I pushed the chair back where it came from and peeked over at him, not understanding why the fuck my heart was beating _so _fast.

I calmed down enough to speak and I gazed at him one last time, taking another deep breath before I muttered, "Goodbye."

The walk from his room to the street outside was fuzzy. I don't remember anything except replaying the entire event, and shaking like a fucking leaf at the fact that I had just actually done that.

I had seen my father.

Granted, he wasn't awake, and likely wouldn't ever know if I was there, but I did it. I forgave him for what he'd done to me.

I pulled out my phone and turned it on, letting it come to life as I waited anxiously outside in the cold. I had a lot on my mind and I wanted to take a walk...somewhere specific. I had no idea how to get there, but I was sure Esme knew.

I called Bella as soon as my phone was ready.

"Edward? Hey, how'd it go?" she asked anxiously, and the sound of her voice, though nervous, made my heart swell.

"Uh...okay," I said, nodding my head as I walked aimlessly. "I'll tell you about it later. How's shopping?"

"Good," she replied, and I could practically see the smile on her face. It was my smile, the one I needed to see. "I bought you a little something. Well, it's for me, but it's for you too."

"Oh?" I asked curiously, meandering over to a bench and sitting on the icy surface. "Tell me about it."

"I can't," she said cutely, "it's for Christmas. But you'll love it."

I smiled. I loved her so much.

"I'm sure I will. Would you mind putting Esme on the phone for a sec?" I asked, kicking at the slush on the ground. I looked up to the sky as Bella agreed and handed over the phone, watching as the clouds moved rapidly. I had a feeling it was going to snow again.

"Hey, honey, how are you?" Esme asked sympathetically.

"I'm all right," I told her, "I think. I wanted to ask you something."

Esme told me where to go and I was pretty sure I had a good idea how to get there.

"I can come pick you up," she offered.

"No," I protested, shaking my head at the snow-covered concrete. "I kind of...I want to be alone for a bit. I'll walk. Maybe I'll text Bella when I get there and you can come pick me up then or something."

"Sure," Esme agreed. "I'd kind of like to go there myself. It's been so long." The tone of her voice was saddened and I was bogged down with grief and guilt, dejectedly staring at the ground as snow began to fall.

"Okay," I offered meekly. "Tell Bella I'll text her in a bit."

I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket, drawing my hood up over my head and going in the direction Esme told me. My nose was numb from the cold as I walked, but somehow, I just didn't find the weather to be an issue. I was preoccupied with so much other shit that I was barely focusing on where I was going. I was just moving my feet and following Esme's directions.

When I was close, I stopped in at a convenience store, picking out a crappy bouquet of flowers because it was the only thing they had for sale. I was hoping for a rose or something pretty – something worthy –but all they had was a small, assorted bundle of flowers for five ninety-nine.

Some great son I was.

Once I made it there, I felt this awkward, crippling sense of déjà vu washing over me. I knew I'd never been here before, but I had, in a way; in my dreams.

It wasn't exactly the same. I wasn't dressed up in any way, only wearing a pair of jeans and my jacket, and I had flowers with me, whereas I didn't in the dream. However, it was snowing, and I felt exactly the same as I did in my dream, as I made my way to the back of the cemetery, where Esme told me to go.

I looked among the small stones, trying to find hers and remembering that Esme said they had planted a tree next to her grave. I found the tree she mentioned and the grave beneath, my breath caught in my throat as I gazed painfully.

An ache in my chest made my legs shake, and I dropped to my knees, cradling the flowers in my hand and reaching out with the other to sweep the snow from the stone.

I watched as her name was revealed; Elizabeth Masen.

I continued to brush my hand down the face of it, clearing everything away. I saw her date of birth and death, shaking my head and laughing humourlessly when I read 'beloved wife' at the bottom.

The son of a bitch hadn't even put 'and mother.' He hadn't even acknowledged that she'd had a child.

I set the flowers down, propping them up against the dark, cold block and re-read the entire engraving so many times it was stuck in my head. I closed my eyes, running my fingers over the 'E' in her name, silently hoping she was in a good place, and that she hadn't suffered when she'd died.

I hoped, at least, it was quick and painless.

"Mom," I said quietly, tears falling down my cheeks of their own accord. That was the first time I'd ever called anyone that, the first time I'd addressed my mother.

I wiped at my cheeks, sniffling from the cold and feeling as wetness seeped in through my jeans. Again, I couldn't even bother to acknowledge the harshness of the elements with so much going on inside me. It just wasn't important.

"I'm sorry I've never been to see you before," I told her, reaching out and touching the stone again. "Dad never brought me..."

Through the tears, I felt the wave of anger. I felt how much I hated him because of _everything. _Not just because he hit me, and not just because he tried to kill me, but because he had never even brought me to see my own mother.

My hands were shaking again, from the cold and the rage, and I stuffed them in my pockets in an attempt to stop it.

"I've been living with Aunt Esme for a while," I said to her, my voice quivering as I sniffled again and pulled my hood up over my head. "I like it there, in Forks. They take care of me...they love me. I have a girlfriend...her name is Bella."

I smiled as I thought of her, knowing she was the reason I was able to do this right now. She fixed me back up, and because of her, I was here, speaking to my mother for the first time in my life.

"She's...perfect. Pretty, smart, funny," I said with a small chuckle, remembering how Esme had told Bella that her sister was always a fun person to be around. "I think you would have gotten along well. Bella...she just makes you smile, all the time."

I was almost sad thinking of her because she wasn't with me.

"I – I haven't been the greatest person since...since what happened," I told her, shaking my head at the snow surrounding my knees. "He...hurt me – bad; so bad that I found it hard to breathe sometimes. No matter how rough things were, mom, Bella never left. I had Esme and Carlisle, and Bella...she wouldn't let me go. I'm so glad she didn't," I said, rubbing my hand under my eyes to clear the tears, "because I don't know what I'd do without her..."

Just as I trailed off, I felt that hand – the one in my dream – softly squeeze my shoulder. I took a deep breath because she was always here when I needed her, even when I hadn't texted her and told her I'd made it here. She was with me anyway.

I reached behind me and put my hand over her mitten, probably grabbing her a little too roughly but knowing that she wouldn't mind.

"Edward," she said softly. I turned my head, gazing up at Bella and allowing myself a few seconds to just stare at her. She had on her hat and scarf and I smiled at her, tugging on her hand so she would join me on the ground. She didn't kneel like I had, but she was right next to me, offering me comfort and everything I needed in this exact moment.

"This is my Bella," I told my mom with a smile, watching as Bella bit her lip and looked at me forlornly. "You have no idea how much I love her."

Bella cast her eyes to the ground and tears fell to the snow. She swiped her mitten across her cheeks and glanced at the stone.

"Hi...Mrs. Masen," she said quietly, stuttering over her words. I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulder and held her to me, silently thanking her for being so strong. I kissed the woolly material of her hat and inhaled the faint, subtle scent of her shampoo that escaped. "You have an amazing son."

I shook my head slowly at Bella's comment but she protested, whispering, "It's true. He's so good to me. I hope...wherever you are, that you're proud of him." She pressed the tip of her mitten to her lips before she put it to the surface of the stone, smiling softly. "It's nice to meet you," she said, taking her hand away. She braced herself on my shoulder and stood up halfway, touching her icy nose to my ear.

"I'll be in the car," she told me, running her hands up and down my arms. "It's freezing."

I nodded in understanding and her warmth was gone. I got off my knees and crouched instead, re-reading the engraving one last time.

"I'm going to marry her some day," I whispered to my mom, adjusting the flowers so the tip of one of the petals touched the 'n' in Masen. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I promise...I promise you – I won't turn out like him. I – I don't know if he ever...if he was bad to you...but I won't do that to her."

I inhaled deeply and my lungs stung from the cold.

"Even though I never knew you...I miss you," I said in a shaky breath. "I hope you can forgive me." I stood completely and gazed down at the stone. "Bye...mom."

I turned to leave and Esme was a few feet behind me, crying quietly with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in her glove-clad hands. She nodded to me as I passed her, taking my spot in front of my mother's grave as I made my way quickly to the car.

I climbed in the back seat and my skin warmed almost instantly from the heat. Bella's breath hitched and she hiccupped, smiling faintly through her tears. It was adorable.

"I'm so proud of you," she said with a watery chuckle, grabbing my hand and placing small, fluttery kisses on my palm. I took my free hand and snaked it around the back of her neck, startling her because my skin was still as cold as ice. I pulled her flush against me, ducking my head to the crook of her neck and feeling as she absolutely radiated warmth. My lips journeyed down her throat and I pressed my mouth hard against the soft, pliable flesh, causing Bella to moan into the quiet confines of the car.

"Thank you...so much, for being with me," I told her, nuzzling the side of her neck. "I – you...fuck, I can't even express it with words, Bella. Just...thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," she replied, pulling herself closer to me and angling her head away from mine. "I would never have let you come alone."

I massaged her skin with my lips, dragging them up and kissing the corner of her jaw. Her fingers tightened around my wet hair and we both groaned together, feeling the need, because apparently three days without sex, to us, is the equivalent of three fucking weeks. I always wanted her.

"Edward," she murmured softly then she put her hands to my chest. "Esme...she's coming," she whispered, pushing against me. I growled quietly because I didn't want to stop.

I lifted my face to hers and took in her flushed cheeks and bright eyes, dragging my icy thumb across her warm skin. She gasped a bit from my coldness but relaxed into my hand, putting hers over top of mine.

Esme slid into the driver's seat a second later, visibly shivering from the cold.

"Ooh, that's harsh weather," she commented, shaking the snow from her hood and drawing it down to her shoulders. I could see her red eyes and chapped lips from the rear view mirror. It crushed me.

"I know, it's brutal," Bella added, positioning her body so she was snugly against my side. I rested my chin on her soft, frizzy hair as Esme started the car and drove slowly from the cemetery. I closed my eyes as I began to thaw, listening to Bella's quiet breaths from beside me and Esme's small sniffles from the front seat.

A few minutes had passed before Esme cleared her throat. "So, how'd it go at the hospital?" she asked tentatively. I blinked a few times, rubbing my fingers against Bella's knee before I sat up straight and looked at Esme through the mirror.

"It…uh, it was okay," I admitted. "He…he wasn't awake though. The nurse said he had a seizure last night and today he needed rest. It was still hard to see him, after so many years." My fingers were shaking again for no apparent reason and I stuck my hand under my thigh to stop it. "I talked to him. I mean, I don't know if he heard me…but I still did anyway."

Esme smiled widely at me. "I'm so happy, Edward. I knew you could do it, honey." She reached over the seat with her small hand and I grasped it tightly, squeezing back to let her know that I couldn't have done it without her. Bella then slid her hand over the wrist that was peeking out from beneath my leg and she gently grazed her fingers over the skin.

In an odd way, after everything I had done today, I felt content.

I was still overwhelmed but Esme and Bella were counteracting all the bad shit.

I would remember the bruises on my father's face and, in turn, my childhood, but Bella would smile and I would only think of her. I thought of my mother and what it would have been like to have known her, but I looked to Esme in the front seat and realized that I wouldn't have been as close with her.

No matter how much I wish I'd had a normal life growing up, I knew what I had now was infinitely better. I wasn't alone.

---

When we left the car to go back up to the room, Esme and Bella were speaking quietly to one another, murmuring things I couldn't hear. They were standing near the trunk, and Bella bit gently on her bottom lip, furrowing her little brows in contemplation.

I watched the two of them curiously, wondering what in the hell had them so secretive.

"Trying to find a way to get my presents upstairs without me seeing?" I asked with a grin, leaning on the side of the car. Bella narrowed her eyes at me and then smiled.

"Yes," she grumbled. "Just go up now and don't look when we come in. I have to get them in my carry-on, somehow. I don't think there's room left," she added, smoothing her hair out of her face as the cold, biting wind blew the snow up from the ground.

I grabbed the room key from Esme and left the two of them to get my presents. I was sort of like Bella in the respect that I wasn't too fond of being showered with gifts. For my birthday, especially, and Christmas, I made sure everyone knew not to get me something big. I hated being the centre of attention and didn't want people to get fussy over me.

It just wasn't the way I was. I liked to lay low, if possible, but I could deal with small gifts.

The only exception was my car. Esme and Carlisle had gotten it for me because I'd done exceptionally well in school after being a complete wreck the previous year. They were proud of me for actually trying, and instead of getting me a birthday present; they just got me the car.

I was shocked, to say the least, and I refused to accept it, until they _insisted _I have it.

Who was I to say no?

I took off my jacket when I was in the room, laying it across the vent so it could dry. I was completely drenched from walking to the cemetery and then kneeling in the snow, and it wasn't until I was naked that I realized how freezing I actually was. Instead of getting redressed, I decided to take a shower.

My skin stung from the heat but I melted under the spray, getting goose bumps as I tried to warm up my body. I didn't take long in the shower, just enough for me to feel comfortable, before I stepped out and realized that I hadn't brought clothes in with me.

I frowned at the small towels that may as well have been fucking dish rags.

Stupid hotel.

I wrapped one around me as best I could after drying my hair and the rest of my body, hoping to God that it covered me all the way. I didn't want to chance it anyway, and instead of leaving the bathroom, I poked my head out of the door, finding, thankfully, that only Bella was there.

"Hey, uh, Esme's not here, right?" I asked, trying to look far enough into the room.

"No," she said with a chuckle, lounging lazily on the bed in a pair of track pants and a tight, white t-shirt. I was enjoying the sight. "Why?" she asked, pulling me from my inappropriate thoughts.

I shook my head. Why…why what?

I suddenly felt cold air hit my chest from the room and remembered.

Esme.

"I forgot to bring clothes in here with me and this towel is fucking useless," I said, pushing the door open and releasing the steam from the bathroom as I padded over to the bed.

"Oh," she replied, lifting herself up on her elbows. I watched as her eyes raked over my near nakedness and landed on the tenting towel. I couldn't help my bodily reactions to Bella and I smirked at the effect I had on her.

"Bella?"

"Hmm," she replied, arching her brow, her gaze still fixed on the towel.

"Where did Esme go?"

"Uh...car," she said, waving her hand towards the door and sitting up on the bed. "She forgot something and said she needed to call Carlisle." Her eyes hadn't moved from my rather obvious erection and I took a few steps closer to her, shifting the towel lower because I couldn't control how aroused I was.

"See something you like?" I asked, holding the damp cotton in one hand as I hooked my finger under her chin, guiding her gaze to mine.

"I could ask you the same question," she retorted, licking her bottom lip. She reached out with her hand and grazed her palm along my thigh, dragging it up until she wrapped her fingers around my cock. My abdomen contracted at the feel of her skin on mine and I rested my knee on the bed for fear that I wouldn't be able to stand.

I dropped the towel and braced myself on Bella's shoulder, groaning as my muscles tightened gloriously from her hand's movements.

"When...when will she be back?" I asked, knowing it was urgent but finding myself so preoccupied with Bella that it was slowly becoming a non-issue. She swiped her thumb across the abnormally moist slit at the tip of my cock, and I hissed as she coated my skin with it.

"She said she'd be about ten minutes," Bella answered, pumping me faster in her hand and using her other to massage the back of my thigh. "She's been gone almost five."

"Fuck," I cursed. After everything today, after my emotions being all across the fucking map, I needed this. I wanted this time right now with Bella to just lose myself in her.

I was going to stop and just take care of myself later, when Bella's hands pressed against my stomach. I staggered back and sank down on the other bed, struggling for breath when Bella leant down in front of me and took me in her mouth.

My head fell back on my shoulders and I wound my fingers into her hair, gently guiding her even though I knew I needed to stop her. I gazed down to her through heavy lids and she was staring up at me, raking her nails over my naked torso as I hit the back of her throat.

"Holy – Bella," I groaned, pushing against the back of her head with my hands, silently urging her to go faster. "Please."

I was begging for my release, holding Bella's head and trying not to be rough with her as she sped up her motions. I spread my knees further apart, massaging small circles into her hair as I felt my legs shaking. I was pleading in my head that I would cum before Esme got back; fucking pleading.

Then she did this thing with her tongue and she sucked hard on the head, making me curse loudly before she took me deep into her throat. I thrust my hips forward as I pulsed in her mouth, feeling as my muscles quaked from my orgasm.

I moaned her name, feeling as my chest heaved in sporadic and uneven movements.

The bliss didn't last for long as I heard commotion from the other side of the door.

I quietly cursed another "Fuck," before I eased Bella from my mouth, watching as she swallowed. It made me weak in the knees to watch her do that, but I was too panicked to enjoy it this time. I scrambled for the towel, barely able to wrap it around my waist before Esme opened the door.

"...stupid, stupid...bag," she grumbled, huffing angrily as she set them down on the ground. I pretended to have been rifling around in my bag for my clothes and looked up just as she closed the door. "How I could have forgotten this is beyond me," she continued, waving her hand at the stuff on the floor.

I laughed breathlessly at her and glanced over to Bella, where she was laying down on the bed again, watching me with a faint colour to her cheeks.

"Me neither," Bella added with a wink to me.

"Honey, are you done in the bathroom? I really would like to shower as well," Esme said, taking off her coat and running her fingers through her unkempt hair.

"Just let me change and it's all yours," I said, making sure the tiny towel was secure as I grabbed my clothes. I changed and Esme headed in there, leaving Bella and I alone, again. I grinned wickedly once the shower started.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" I asked, flipping Bella on her back and pressing my mouth against hers.

"Several...times," she replied through my lips. I let my hands wander down her torso and I hooked my fingers into her sweats, dragging them down only slightly before I slipped my left hand inside her pants.

"Did that turn you on?" I asked, already knowing the answer to my question as my fingers were coated in Bella's arousal. She nodded her head, parting her lips as her hands fell to the hem of her sweats. She manoeuvred them down further, spreading her knees apart so she was wide open to me.

I didn't want to waste any time in getting her off, so I used my fingers, quickly entering her as I swiftly grazed my thumb over her clit. Her crazy tresses fanned out across the white pillows and she wrapped her arm around my neck, dragging her fingers across the nape before they meandered into my hair.

I could still hear the shower going so I knew we were good, but when Bella started touching me again, my hearing became fuzzy. She began rubbing me through my jeans, dragging her hand across the denim as I worked my fingers.

"Edward...Ed-ward," she said in a choppy breath, arching her back as I felt her contracting around me. She closed her legs almost instantly, but I pushed them back open, helping her to ride it out because this is the last we would get for another week – from each other, at least.

"Fuck, you look so hot like that," I groaned, dipping my head and catching her off-guard as I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. She kissed me back, pushing hard against my face as her hand tightened in my hair.

I pulled my fingers from her, putting just enough space between our lips so I could slip them in my mouth. I loved her taste, lapping up all I could from my fingers as Bella breathed heavily, shuffling around on the bed so she could get her pants back around her hips.

After everything was rearranged, we lay there quietly, relaxed and watching the television as Esme was still in the bathroom.

"Mmm, I love you," she murmured into my neck, her breath hot as she was curled comfortably into my side. My eyelids were fluttering incessantly as we watched a re-run of _That 70's Show_, and I rubbed my hand up and down her arm, angling my head so I could kiss the top of hers.

"I love you so much, Bella. I could never have done this without you," I said to her, holding out my arm, where the scribbles still remained, even though they were faded from my shower. "I...I freaked. I saw him – and I...it was so hard. He had a seizure, right? So he was all...bruised and shit; banged up. I couldn't think of anything else except what he did to me. I looked like that."

I stopped talking, trying to control my spastic breaths as Bella leant away from me so she could see my face.

"Even though he was asleep, it was so hard for me to stay. I wanted to run. I wanted to grab my coat and get the fuck out of there," I admitted, shaking my head and leaning it against the headboard. "Then I saw this," I pointed to my arm, "and I saw you."

Bella's eyes held unshed tears and I cupped the side of her face in my hand, smoothing my thumb over her cheek.

"I don't know what you do to me, Bella, but you make me a better person," I told her in a whisper. "This was something I had to do...and I did it. You helped me."

She smiled, turning her head and kissing the side of my palm.

"This is all I ever wanted, Edward," she said, closing her eyes and sighing. "For us...I just wanted us to be like this."

"I'm so happy I can finally give that to you," I said honestly, pressing my lips to her forehead and holding her to me. I never wanted to let her go, especially since she was leaving for Seattle tomorrow.

"Me too," she whispered back.

---

Later that night, Bella fell asleep quite early, at five, to be exact. I still had to get her a gift, so Esme and I went shopping. I left Bella a note on the pillow next to her, stating that I wanted her to sleep and that we would be back soon. I sent her a text as well, just in case she rolled over and crushed the note.

Sometimes she moved a lot in her sleep, so it was a possibility.

"I overheard you talking to Bella," Esme admitted as we walked through the crowded Chicago mall.

"Oh?" I asked curiously, wondering what she could have heard.

"You two remind me so much of myself and Carlisle," she said, glancing up to me, "so in love, so young. I can't tell you how happy I am that you can finally be like this with Bella, Edward. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but...it was very sweet. Made old Aunt Esme cry," she said with a chuckle.

I felt embarrassed that she had heard when I had thought it was just me and Bella, but I wasn't ashamed that she'd heard. I was proud of myself.

"So that's why you were all red-faced when you came out of the bathroom. The steam," I said, shaking my head. "I should have known better."

We laughed and continued through the mall, talking of what happened earlier in the day. I was still edgy about the fact that I had actually seen my father and my mother's grave. It was all so unsettling to me, and not that it set me back, but it didn't make me feel better.

I felt lighter, freer, in a way, but I was still holding on for some reason. I wasn't fully letting go.

I was trying. Fuck, I was trying so hard to just leave this all behind, but it wasn't working. I was hoping when I left Chicago my feelings would remain here with everything else.

Esme and I walked through some clothing stores and grudgingly went into a Lululemon. Why the fuck girls needed such expensive sweaters was beyond me, but I bought Bella a hundred and forty dollar sweater anyway because the one I had ruined was a Christmas present two years ago, from here.

It was her most beloved sweater and she still wore it, even though I had ripped that fucking zipper off before I could even stop myself.

She deserved a new one, so I got her one.

Of course, Esme was really paying for it all, and she didn't care that I spent so much on Bella. Actually, she was encouraging it.

We talked a bit about money and the coming year as we walked, and Esme finally discussed the whole 'college thing' with me, in detail. They were very well off, Carlisle and Esme, and money was not an issue. Esme said she didn't want to hand everything to me on a silver platter, but she wasn't going to make me struggle.

Esme said that she and Carlisle wanted to pay for my education. She didn't want me to worry about having to pay for my school, but she said I would need to get a job and pay for my housing. I could understand that and was already thinking of prospects back in Forks for the summer. I needed the sense of responsibility if I wanted to be on my own with Bella, and I honestly appreciated that she was kicking me in the ass to get one.

Truth be told, I should already have a job.

"But honey, if you ever _need _money, don't be scared to ask," she said reassuringly. "We won't be stingy."

I laughed, and just as we passed a jewellery store, I back-tracked.

"Do you mind if we go in?" I asked Esme, motioning to the store with the bag in my hand.

"Not at all," she agreed, smiling widely, "were you thinking of something specific?"

"I don't know," I said, glancing around to the glass cases. My eyes landed on hundreds of rings and I knew that's what I wanted to get her. "A ring."

"Hi there, may I help you find something?" a perky saleswoman asked.

"We're looking for a ring," Esme said proudly.

"We have a great selection just over here," she replied, walking away to the glass counter and going behind it to pull up an assortment of rings. "Some of these are fairly pricey. Is there something you were looking for? A certain design?"

"I kind of want something small. No diamond, maybe. Kind of like a promise ring?" I asked more like a question because I had no fucking idea what the hell I was doing.

Uncharted territory, that's where I was.

"Uh," the saleswoman pondered, glancing over to other cases. "Ah, I might have the perfect thing. Is this for a girlfriend of yours?"

"Yeah," I admitted with a grin.

"Then these might be what you're looking for. This is our signature Notes collection. Very thin, small bands," she said, pulling up the jewellery for us to see. A tiny, narrow ring with the words 'I love you' etched into the silver caught my eye and I pointed to it.

"That one."

"I thought you might choose this," she replied, holding up the ring to me. I took it between my fingers, spinning it around and watching as those three words repeated. I smiled like a lunatic; this was definitely it.

"Honey, that's adorable. It suits Bella," Esme chimed. "May I?"

I handed her the ring and watched as she examined it with a small smile on her face.

"It's perfect, get it," Esme said.

We guesstimated a size for her, and since Esme was tiny like Bella, we got her the same ring size as Esme, which was a five. The saleswoman told us we could always return it to the same store back in Port Angeles, if we ever needed to exchange it for a different size.

I thanked her as she handed me the small, blue Tiffany's bag, and Esme and I left, heading back to the car because we were done shopping. Bella called when we were on our way, sounding sleepy and groggy, to tell us she was awake.

We grabbed dinner on our way back and took it to the room so we could eat with Bella. Since we were all exhausted from the long day, we decided to call it an early night. We also had the day ahead of us tomorrow.

Our flight back to Forks seemed to take no time at all, and I fell asleep again, much to my delight. Bella fell asleep as well, and I was glad that she did because she had a long drive to Seattle when we got back to Forks. The closer we got, the more anxious I was about her leaving.

I desperately didn't want her to go.

"I'll be back in a few days," she said, standing with me outside of her house. Her truck was packed with her things and I was holding onto her, telling myself to just _let her go. _

"I know," I said stubbornly, sighing and watching as my breath escaped me in small puffs of air. "But I'm not happy about it."

She smiled. "Neither am I, but I miss my mom. I'll be back on Christmas Eve," she told me, reaching up on her toes to kiss me on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," I murmured back, finding that those words held even more significance, if possible, because of the ring. "Please call me and text me."

"I'll call you when I stop for gas," she assured, smiling again before she gave me another lingering kiss. She pulled away and slipped inside the truck, and I stepped aside as she backed out of the drive. She blew me a kiss and I caught it, kissing my palm and waving as she left.

I got inside the Volvo and headed home, not anticipating what the following days would bring me.

**

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**A/N:** Love to know what you all think! I will be offering teasers for those who leave me a review : )

I just want to make a couple of rec's first. Two that I'm beta'ing. Check out Sinful Thoughts by readingmama, and Sorority Row by Addicted Necker. Both are great reads and I'm enjoying them myself, if you're looking for something new.

The song quoted at the beginning is one I've been DYING to use: Saviour, by Rise Against. So, so good for FMP, I've been itching to use it. I love Rise Against.

Bella's ring will be up on my profile, for those who want to take a look. I love it, personally : )

As for the next chapter...sometime next week. Won't be too long ; )

Leave me some love!


	28. The Good and the Bad

**A/N: **Hey everyone! We're getting so much closer to the end of this fic with each chapter, and though I'm sad, I'm also excited. I'm happy everyone enjoyed last chapter, and thanks SO much for all the reviews. You broke a record ; ) So thanks!

Also, is anyone from Canada PISSED that the U.S beat us in the World Juniors? Just me? I was furious.

Anyway, here's the next one. It kind of morphed into a TANK, and it's so much longer than my chapters have been in a while.

Love, kisses, hugs, sexy spankings, and ANYTHING else to my awesome, awesome beta's; Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. Seriously, you two make me whole.

Enjoy!

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"_**Are there no shadows where you are?**_

_**I can see everything as day**_

_**Problems that you try to hide away**_

_**Pushing me aside, you're pushing me aside"**_

**b.p.o.v**

When I arrived at my aunt Linda's, I was ambushed, literally.

"Bella!" Kylie yelled, clinging to my right leg.

Kylie was my six year-old cousin, who was twins with the other terror, Sarah, currently attached to my left leg.

"Hey you," I said with a breathless laugh, still bundled in my winter jacket, carrying my two overloaded bags in each of my hands. I set them down and tried to free my thighs of the girls' tight clutches.

"Okay, now, let Bella breathe," I heard Renee say. I glanced up quickly, catching sight of my mother. In all honesty, she looked great. I'd never seen her look better. "Hi," she said softly.

I almost cried from that one word.

"Mom," I replied, trying to push past my cousins. I rolled my eyes at their persistence and picked Kylie up, tickling her ribs until she pleaded with me to stop. Sarah was the lesser of two evils and watched me coyly, wringing her light brown hair around her fingers.

I crouched down, pretending to stalk towards her until the point where she giggled cutely.

"Do you want a tickle as well?" I asked, smiling and reaching my hands out slowly.

"No," she said with another giggle, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her stomach. She was ticklish around her belly button and screamed bloody murder any time you touched her there. I made a mental note not to evoke that reaction from her.

"Uh oh, too late," I said, lunging forward and grabbing her around her shoulders. I tickled beneath her armpits and around her ribs. She fell to her knees, giggling uncontrollably and kicking her little legs.

"Bella! St-stop!" she laughed, trying to grasp my hands in hers. I ceased my torture, smiling as I helped her off the floor. She scurried away to find Kylie and I stood up, finding that my mother was still there, grinning at our exchange.

"Hi," I said to her, taking a few steps to get to her and embracing her tightly. She smelled of cinnamon and warmth and I hugged her tighter, realizing how much I truly missed her since she had been gone.

Charlie and I were functioning, but the house...well, it was suffering.

Things were in chaos. What was usually neat and orderly was now in disarray. It had always been my mother's slight OCD that caused her to clean meticulously and make sure things were exactly the way she liked them. I always thought it was ridiculous that she had done such small shit, but now that she was gone, I missed the neat freak in her.

I tried to clean as best I could. I made sure things were nice and dusted, that random objects were put away, and that the laundry was done at least once or twice a week. But no matter how much I tried to do, it was never the way _she _did it. I knew it never would be.

The worst was Thanksgiving.

I had been invited over to Edward's. I wanted to go, to spend the holiday with them, but I couldn't leave Charlie. It was the first technical holiday without my mom, and despite the fact that Esme said he could join us, we wanted to be alone.

Turns out, that was a worse idea than we thought it would be. Nothing was right. We agreed to do a chicken instead of a turkey, because neither of us really had a clue how to baste or cook it. Then, on the side, we had only potatoes and stuffing.

Not that the dinner was bad, because it wasn't. It was really good, actually. It was just a sad event, and nothing was like it was when my mother had lived there. It felt all different and wrong. I hated it.

There was no quiet, methodical background music. There was no gentle hum from Renee as she cooked. There was no orderly arrangement of food on the counter and there were no fancy bowls or dishes to be laid out on the table.

There was me and Charlie, awkwardly flitting around the kitchen to try to salvage the holiday, but knowing that it felt as forced and complicated as it was.

We were all right with each other, no longer fighting and arguing, but life at home was still strained. Renee had been the glue to hold the family together, and now that the glue was gone, everything was slowly falling apart.

I missed my glue, because no matter how bad things got at home, I would still prefer my parents together.

"Oh, honey, I missed you so much," Renee said with a quiet sob, running her fingers through my hair continuously as we hugged. "You need to come see me more often. I can't stand being away from you."

I was crying too, burying my nose and lips in her sweater.

"I missed you too," I whispered into her shoulder. I pulled back and smiled at her just as I heard either Kylie or Sarah – I wasn't sure which – screaming for me.

"Bel-_la_!" I heard from the other room. "Bella, come here!"

"They've been so excited to see you," Renee said with a laugh. "Ever since I told them you were coming, that's all they've talked about. It's sweet, really."

I shook my head and grinned, taking off my boots and my coat. Renee lugged my bags away to the spare room, where I was staying with her, as I went in search of the one who was beckoning me.

"Hey Bella," uncle Felix greeted as I entered the living room.

"Hey," I replied.

"About time," Kylie said in exasperation from the floor. "You move like a turtle, Bella."

I gaped at the little girl with light brown hair and blue eyes, watching as she scribbled on a piece of paper. She was surrounded by colouring books and all the coloured pencils and crayons you can imagine.

"Well maybe you move like a turtle too," I retorted stupidly. How was I supposed to argue that?

She giggled and held out a piece of paper to me.

"I wanted to give you this," she said.

It was a picture she had coloured. It was a cute little butterfly, coloured pink, green, purple, and yellow. She went out of the lines in some places but filled most of the image.

I smiled at the picture, sitting down next to her cross-legged.

"It's very pretty, Kylie, thank you," I said, setting it on the floor beside me.

"Do you want to colour one too?" she asked, handing me one of the books. I took it and flipped through the pages, trying to find one I liked that wasn't half-coloured. It was a Halloween themed colouring book and I landed on an uncoloured picture of an animated Dracula.

I immediately thought of Edward, feeling a familiar tingle deep in my belly as I pictured him wearing the teeth and the cape, and nothing else. I closed my eyes, remembering the way he bit down on the inside of my thigh and the way I gasped at the pleasurable sensation.

It had me all hot and bothered just thinking about it, and I knew that we'd _definitely _be doing that when I got home.

"Are you going to colour, or what?" Kylie asked. I opened my eyes, watching as Kylie screwed up her face and scribbled with a blue crayon on a picture of a fish.

She was such a brat sometimes.

I lay down on my stomach, clasping one ankle around the other as I picked out a red pencil crayon and began to fill in Dracula's cape. I pressed hard on the paper, darkening the lines around the edges because that's the way I liked to colour.

I darkened the outside and lightly shaded the inside of the image. It just looked better.

Sarah joined us after a while and lay down like me, grabbing a colouring book and filling in a picture of a pirate's treasure chest with the gold and jewels falling out of it. The two of them talked loudly about the most random things, and I couldn't help but smile when they started planning what we were going to do after.

They were so busy, all the time. What I wanted to do, really, was sleep and be with Edward. I hated that I had left him so abruptly, even after he all but clung to me before I did. I could feel his need and how much he didn't want me to go, and after everything, I kind of didn't want to leave him.

Especially after seeing him at the cemetery.

Words cannot describe the pain in my chest at seeing him on his knees in front of his mother's grave for the first time in his life. I was overwhelmed with emotion when I heard him speaking to her about me and I stumbled, losing my footing, only to have Esme grabbing my arm to hold me still.

We were both a mess, and from the looks of Edward at the time, he had been no better.

Needless to say, after something so emotional and potentially painful for Edward, I was reluctant to leave his side, even for a little while. I did what I had to do, and hopefully my Christmas presents to him would be enough to cheer him up and make everything good again.

I know he had been all right after what he did, but I could tell that he was still struggling with it. He seemed fairly serene, particularly after I gave him head, but I knew his encounter with his father shook his very being.

He wanted to let go but it wasn't working. I would have done anything to help him, and as it turns out, just being me worked wonders.

He wasn't looking for me to provide a miracle for him. He wasn't expecting me to make it magically better. He just wanted me to be there with him, because there was nothing I could do or say to make everything bad from his past disappear. I could only be with him and hope that what I offered was enough to make him see that there was good in his life.

I was glad that it was effective.

"Bella, do you have a boyfriend?" Sarah asked from beside me, tilting her head as she focused on her colouring.

"Yep," I said with a smile, wondering if that little girl could read my mind.

"What's his name?" Kylie asked.

"His name is Edward," I replied.

"That's a funny name," Kylie said, scrunching up her nose. I frowned, never realizing that Edward had such an old-fashioned name. I loved his name. I couldn't picture him being anything other than 'Edward.' It just wouldn't be right to call him something else. It wouldn't fit.

"Well I love his name," I retorted.

"Do you love him?" Sarah asked.

"I do," I said, colouring in Dracula's pants, using a black pencil crayon.

"Do you kiss him?" Kylie asked, glancing up from her colouring.

I shook my head at their third degree questions. They were non-stop.

"Yes," I said, to which they both covered their mouths and giggled.

"Ew, daddy, Bella kisses a boy!" Kylie said over her shoulder to where my uncle Felix was lounging on the couch watching TV. He looked to me and winked, telling Kylie that it was normal for girls and boys my age to kiss. "But boys have cooties," Kylie defended.

"Not Edward," I told them. "He got the cootie shot."

"The cootie shot?" Sarah asked in amazement.

"Yep," I replied, resuming with my colouring, "he's cootie-free."

"You're lucky then," Kylie said with a firm nod. "All the boys at school have cooties."

I laughed and looked back to Felix. He shrugged his shoulders at the ridiculousness of 'cooties' and resumed with watching his show. I thought it was silly too, but then again, they were six. Your beliefs at six differ vastly from those at seventeen.

"Can I colour him a picture?" Sarah asked sweetly.

Bless her little heart. She was too adorable for her own good sometimes.

"Of course you can colour him a picture. I think he'd love that," I told her. "Which one did you want to do?"

She frowned, looking through her book for one to do for Edward. She passed by one of some big, wide leaves, and I thought it would be perfect for him. He loved the fall.

"How about this one?" I asked, pointing to it. "Colour it red and yellow and orange. I think Edward would like that."

"He would?"

I nodded my head and smiled as Sarah grinned, picking up a yellow crayon. She was more careful this time when she began filling in the picture, making sure to stay inside the lines as best she could. After a while, Kylie pouted that she wanted to colour a picture for Edward too.

I laughed as they both sat there in utter concentration, colouring pictures for Edward simply because he was 'cootie-free.' It was incredibly adorable and hilarious. It made my night.

"What does Edward look like?" Kylie inquired, tossing down a blue crayon and going for a green instead.

"Uh, well, he's tall. He's got green eyes, and dark hair," I told her, finding that I'd never described Edward to anyone before.

"Is he taller than you?" Sarah asked, cocking her head to the side.

I laughed, "Yes, he's a lot taller than me. He's like a giant."

"Is he taller than daddy?" asked Kylie.

"No," I said, shaking my head. My uncle Felix was a beast, built like Emmett. He was actually what I envisioned Emmett would look like when he was done growing. "Daddy is definitely taller."

"Bella, do you have a picture of Edward?" Sarah asked as she grabbed the red crayon from the floor.

"I have lots of pictures of Edward," I told her, just as I finished my Dracula. "I'm making him a scrapbook for Christmas and I brought a bunch of pictures with me."

"Can I see one?" Sarah asked timidly.

"Sure."

I got up off the floor and headed to the spare room, stopping by the kitchen where my mom and my aunt Linda were cooking dinner. I chatted with them for a few minutes to prolong my time away from the girls. As much as I loved them, their version of twenty questions is more accurately like fifty questions, each.

It was astounding how much they could talk.

I rummaged through my bags for the countless photos of Edward, myself, and our friends. I pulled out the brown, leather scrapbook I had bought in Chicago and tucked it under my arm, grabbing the small bag of decorative craft supplies as well as the pictures.

I headed back into the living room where the girls still sat in the same positions, colouring their pictures for Edward. Sarah was nearly done with hers and her head perked up when I sat down on the floor again.

I sifted through the photos, finding a particularly yummy picture of Edward. I was a little sad that they couldn't truly appreciate how utterly good-looking he was because of the fact that they were six. They would understand when they were older.

"This is Edward," I said, handing the photo to Sarah. She took it in her little hands and gazed at the picture, and when she looked back up, her skin was tinted. She was blushing. "Do you think he's cute?" I asked grinning because she blushed at a photo of him.

She nodded her head slowly and put the picture on the ground, picking her crayon back up instead.

"Can I see?" Kylie asked, holding out her hand. I gave it to her and she studied the photo, looking up to me and shrugging. "He's allowed to be cute because he doesn't have cooties," Kylie said so matter-of-factly.

I laughed loudly at her reasoning and set the photo back in the pile, collecting them and picking out ones that I wanted to put in the book.

There were so many to choose from, spanning from the time Edward first moved to Forks, up until the Winter Formal. In some photos of us together, I could see that our body language screamed our attraction when we may have not known it ourselves. I always unconsciously stood closer to him than anyone else in the pictures and he would angle his body towards me.

It was easy to see now, but then, I wouldn't have known if it had slapped me in the face.

In other pictures though, when we were actually a couple, I could see the possessiveness. I could see the resemblance to his father from his pose and stance and I felt my lungs and chest constricting. I tucked those photos away, knowing he would never be like that. He always felt the need to make everyone know that I was his, but he could never be like his father.

I physically shivered at the thought.

I focused on the good pictures, hoping that this scrapbook conveyed the message I wanted; that Edward had always had good in his life. No matter what he may have felt, we had always been here for him, waiting for him to break out of that shell. I wanted him to see that things would never change.

After I successfully picked about fifty pictures, and had answered another dozen questions from Kylie, I was ready to start the book. Sarah, though, had been unusually quiet, and I was a little perplexed as to why.

"Daddy, I'm hungry," Kylie pouted to Felix. He sighed and shut off the TV, padding over to Kylie and picking her up off the floor.

"Then let's go see if mommy's got something for you," he said playfully, carrying her off into the other room.

I started the scrapbook, glancing to Sarah frequently as she coloured another picture. Something was bothering her and I wanted to know what it was.

"Is something wrong, Sarah?" I asked gently nudging her shoulder.

"No," she answered, shaking her head a little too fast. She looked up to me and I raised my brows, basically telling her that was a load of crap. She dropped the crayon and sat up, casting her bright, baby blues to the floor before they fell on me.

"Bella," she said tentatively, twirling her hair between her fingers, "is Kylie right?"

"About what?" I asked curiously.

"You know...that boys have cooties?"

I smiled, crossing my legs and motioning for Sarah to sit. She curled herself in my lap and I took up stroking her hair instead. It was soft and smooth, falling through my fingers seamlessly as her tiny chest heaved against mine.

"No, sweetie, Kylie's not right. Boys don't have cooties," I assured in a soft voice. "Kylie just thinks they do."

"Do they all get the cootie shot?" she asked in sincerity. I nodded because it was the easiest way to explain that boys didn't, in fact, have cooties.

"They do," I replied with a smile. Sarah tilted her head back and looked up to me with a small grin.

"I like a boy at school," she admitted in a tiny voice, blushing immensely afterwards. "He has green eyes like Edward."

Ah, so that explains the blushing.

"Is he cute like Edward?" I asked, gently tickling her side. She giggled and nodded her head.

"Kylie always says I shouldn't talk to him or let him touch me because of cooties," she said with a deep frown. "But he's never mean. All the other boys are silly, but he's not."

"What's his name?"

"Todd," she said quietly, almost whispering, as her cheeks heated. My face hurt from smiling so much. She was adorable.

"Do you play with him at recess?"

"Uh-huh," she replied with a slow nod. "And he _always _shares his snacks with me. Mommy doesn't give us treats, she gives us apples," she added, scrunching up her nose.

"Well, he sounds like a very nice boy," I told her, tucking all of her hair to one side of her neck. "Don't listen to Kylie, Sarah. It's okay for you to be friends with Todd."

"That's what mommy said."

I smiled. "Well, listen to mommy. She's right," I told her with a wink.

Renee called us for dinner, and I hauled myself and Sarah from the floor, carrying the little girl who was afraid to like a boy because of cooties.

---

I was fearful that my time with Renee would lag. I was scared that it would feel like forever before I was home again, with Edward.

I was pleasantly surprised that I was wrong. Time was going by too fast, in all honesty, and before I knew it, the twenty-third had rolled around; I was leaving the next morning. The girls had just gone to bed and I was finishing the scrapbook for Edward.

I had decided to put a quote on every page. I wrote a lyric from a favourite song or an excerpt from a favourite book or movie, hoping he would know each of them. I knew he would get most of them and hopefully it was as meaningful as it was supposed to be.

I arranged the pictures interestingly, outlining them with markers and adorning the pages with small decorations. It wasn't girly, it just...was. I wanted it to be something he could look at and smile.

Just as I set the book aside, finally finished after quoting our song on the last page, my phone rang. I had been texting and calling Edward the entire time I'd been here, knowing he was anxious for me to return. I missed him like crazy and couldn't wait until I saw him tomorrow.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella." It was Esme.

"Oh, hi Esme," I said, semi-awkwardly because I had been expecting Edward.

_Well, dumbass, that's what your caller ID is for._

"I was just wondering, of course, if it's all right with your father, if you two wanted to spend Christmas day at our place. I know you said no at Thanksgiving, but, well, I feel awful that you would have to spend it just the two of you," she said in a long, quick breath. She seemed a little anxious herself.

"Oh, wow," I said with a grin, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind. I'd love to spend Christmas with you guys. Just...I'd have to ask and make sure. But I don't think he'd oppose. Thanksgiving just wasn't the same without my mom."

"Okay, great," she replied. There was a slight pause and I felt that she had more to say.

"Is...is something wrong, Esme?" I asked.

"What? Oh...uh, no," she said abruptly. "Well – I'm not sure."

"Did something happen?"

"No," she said cautiously, "I...it's Edward. He's been very strange since we've been home."

"Strange? Strange how?"

"Well, to be quite honest, he hasn't left his room," Esme confessed. I frowned at the thought of him being holed up in there since I'd left. It was really unlike him to just barricade himself.

"Oh...well, I've been talking to him and –" I cut myself off in mid-sentence, realizing that Edward had seemed particularly strange on the phone when I had conversed with him. Nothing overly weird, just subtly different.

It had to be because he still wasn't over what he'd done in Chicago.

"...uh, sorry," I said awkwardly. "Have you talked to him at all?"

"Hardly," Esme replied. "He's very quiet when he does come down for dinner, barely speaks. He says he just wants to be alone, so I leave him. I can't imagine what he's going through. I just hope he's okay."

"I'm sure he'll be fine," I assured her. I really had no idea. I hoped I was right.

"Bella, he's still having night terrors," she said so quietly that I had to adjust the phone to hear her properly. I covered my mouth with my hand, feeling as goose bumps rippled my flesh from the memory of Edward screaming in such agony.

"Does he know?"

"Yes," she replied. "It scares me half to death each night he screams in his sleep. Even though I know he's okay, I still rush into his room. He never remembers, but I can't stand the thought of him being alone after something like that."

I wanted to give her a hug because she was so amazing to him.

"I know how you feel," I said with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair as I tried to hold back my unnecessary tears. I knew Edward wasn't in any danger and he was technically okay. I just hated the very thought of him screaming like that; the pain on his face, the horror in his voice.

It made my throat constrict.

"I...I just thought you should know," Esme said softly, sounding a bit strained herself. "I wasn't sure if he'd told you, but I figured I may as well if I was calling anyway."

"No, he hadn't mentioned it," I said, casting my eyes to my knees, wondering why he had kept that from me. "But thank you. I appreciate it. I'll call you in a bit, once I call my dad."

"All right, sweetie, talk to you soon."

I hung up the phone and dropped it to my lap, leaning back against the pillows on the bed and letting my mind run wild with images of Edward huddled on his bed at home. I was upset and hurt that he hadn't told me when he'd known.

I felt angry for about three seconds before I shrugged it off and picked my phone up once more. There was no sense getting pissed at him when I hadn't even spoken to him. Maybe he had a reason for not telling me?

I didn't know, and I wasn't going to make assumptions, but I was still upset.

I called Charlie and then Esme, informing her that we would be there Christmas day to celebrate with them. I argued with Esme about what to bring, when she repeatedly assured just Charlie and I would suffice. The woman wouldn't relent, so I secretly devised a plan that would involve me being several hours early to help cook.

I had to do something. I wouldn't let her make a delicious turkey dinner for me and Charlie without giving anything in return. I may practically live at that house, but I wasn't rude.

I flipped through Edward's scrapbook once more, finding that all the memories of our time together came back to me. I smiled widely, running my fingers over his lips in a close-up picture, now knowing the faces of the two people who had created such beauty.

I wondered what had made me so lucky to find such a person. I never wanted to be without him.

I sighed as I closed the book, setting it carefully in my bag because I had everything repacked for the morning already. I meandered out into the hall, listening as the sounds from the TV floated out of the living room. I made my way there, finding my aunt, uncle, and mother sitting on the couches, watching a hockey game.

Renee motioned for me to come to her so I sat next to her, curling my head into her shoulder because I was tired and upset. I would have slept, but I didn't have much time left with her. I wasn't sure when I'd see her next and I knew I'd miss her as soon as I got in the truck.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked, rubbing her hand up and down my arm.

I shrugged, inhaling the unique scent of my mother. "Nothing, just sleepy," I admitted quietly.

"Well go to bed," she said with a laugh. I shook my head, muttering that I was good. "Do you want to play cards or something?"

"Sure," I replied with a yawn.

We ended up playing cards with my aunt and uncle until well after midnight. It was fun and made me forget all about my earlier phone call with Esme. I tried desperately not to think of what Edward was doing and whether or not he was sleeping soundly. It was stressing me out that I wasn't there with him.

When Sarah woke up at one, crying and stumbling into the living room from a nightmare, we all decided to go to bed. I curled up next to Renee, tucking my hand underneath the pillow as I quickly fell asleep.

Naturally, I dreamt of Edward.

---

I wiped at my cheeks as I drove, groaning because my vision was seriously clouded and I didn't want to pull over; I just wanted to get home. I took several deep breaths, telling myself that I could do this drive as often as I wanted. It was my choice.

It just hurt so much to leave her. There was just a way a mother always knew what to do or say to make things right. I missed the comfort of her embrace and the warmth of her smile. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to live with her.

"This is stupid," I said quietly to myself, shaking my head at my foolishness and turning up the radio. I would miss her, but I would live.

The rest of the drive went by rather quickly, and when I stopped near Forks for gas, I called Edward to let him know I was close. His voice sounded better than it had in days and I hoped he hadn't had another night terror.

Pulling into the Cullen's driveway, I felt home. It was a strange sensation considering this wasn't even _my house, _but it was the way I felt. I bounded up the steps to the house and knocked on the door, laughing when Emmett gathered me up into a tight hug, lifting me from the floor. I saw Edward standing a few feet behind him, glaring daggers into his back.

"Coop, baby, I missed you!" Emmett said, setting me down on the ground. "I haven't seen you in weeks. You leave and then take off again once you get back. Don't ever do that again," he told me sternly.

"Emmett, I was gone a grand total of five days," I said, dramatically rolling my eyes at his exaggeration.

"Whatever," he grumbled, pointing his finger at me. "Don't do it again."

I surrendered as I felt familiar hands circling my waist. Emmett closed the front door and went back down the hall as I turned in Edward's arms.

"Hi," I said with a huge smile. I couldn't help it; I was elated to see him.

"Hi," he replied, his grin just as large. "I'm so glad you're back, I missed you."

"I missed you too," I said, humming in contentment when Edward's scent surrounded me. I slipped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up on my toes, moulding my lips to Edward's and feeling his warmth. He gripped me tighter around my back, trying to find purchase on my jacket though it seemed to be in his way more than anything else.

I took off my coat and shoes, heading through the house and finding Esme and Carlisle in the living room. I greeted them and felt the tug of Edward on my hand, as if he wanted to leave. I thought it was kind of rude of him to want to retreat when this was likely the only time he'd been out of his room since I left.

Edward mumbled a lie about needing to show me something and I rolled my eyes at his behaviour. I really didn't understand why he was being so anti-social since we'd been home. It made no sense.

However, I found the reason he didn't want to be downstairs...once I got to his room. He was a boy, and whether or not I liked it, he was part of a very horny species. He all but attacked me once we were alone, and I was surprised at the fervour with which he kissed me.

We hadn't even made it to the bed; he'd fucked me on his desk.

Not that I was complaining.

My thighs, knees, and calves shook, trying to hold up my poor body after the intense work-out Edward had given it. I felt pleasantly sore in all the right places and Edward looked more than satisfied as he lounged on his couch, wearing only his jeans.

I padded over to him carefully, hoping my weak legs would get me there without collapsing. I sank down on the cool leather, sighing as it felt divine against my hot skin. I laid my head in Edward's lap, brushing my cheek against his soft, smooth stomach.

"I have a question," I began, trailing my eyes up his chest. They locked on Edward's and he seemed completely fine. But I knew better. He was hiding it from me. "Why didn't you tell me about the night terrors?"

His face was a carefully constructed mask and I felt my cheeks getting hot. I wasn't sure if it was from being upset or pissed.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly, keeping his voice even.

I sat up, this time in anger. Definitely anger.

"What does that have to do with anything? Why didn't you tell me, Edward?"

He just looked at me, pursing his lips into a thin line that I recognized all too well. He glanced away and got up, going to the window, standing before it as silence consumed us. He rested his arm above his head on the wall, leaning against it and bending his neck so I could no longer see his expression.

I was still waiting for an answer.

"I can't stand the look on your face," he said, angling his head to gaze at me over his shoulder. "When you're with me…when you see me like that. I can't stand the way you look at me, Bella."

I gaped at his back as he turned his head once more. I didn't even know what to say.

I felt awful after he had his night terrors. Watching him experiencing something so horrific was painful for me, almost unbearably so. I couldn't fathom what he was going through, and it was hard for me to see him in such a state, but I hated the thought of him being alone even more. I didn't want him to suffer through that by himself.

"I…" had no idea what to say. "Edward…"

"It kills me, Bella, when you look at me like that. Pity, fear…you have no idea what that does to me," he said and I watched as his hand flexed, curling into a tight fist above his head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to look at me like that again."

My mouth was dry and the words I wanted to say to him just wouldn't come. Instead, I got up on shaky legs and went to him, tentatively touching my fingers to the indentations outlining his spine. I slowly caressed the slight contours of his back, feeling the softness that contrasted the strength of his muscles.

I ran my index finger over the scar near his shoulder and he reacted, turning his head slightly to look at me. I pressed my lips against the raised skin, kissing the bad away and hopefully leaving the good.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

---

Christmas morning was depressing. We hadn't gotten a tree because it didn't feel right. It was just me and Charlie, so there was really no point, and Renee had taken all the decorations.

I'd gotten him a new pair of gloves and some magazines, as well as a book of police jokes. I thought it would be something funny to read if he ever got bored on his nightshift. I was pleasantly surprised when it made him smile.

He'd gotten me a few gift certificates to clothing stores that I liked, along with a brand new copy of my favourite Shakespeare play; Romeo and Juliet.

"H-how did you know?" I asked, turning the new book over in my hands. The one I had was so old the spine was as flimsy as a sheet of paper. I'd read it too many times to count.

"Edward," he replied sheepishly. "I didn't know what to get you and he said your Romeo and Juliet looked ancient."

I smiled down at the book, realizing that the relationship between Charlie and Edward had transcended into being more than civil since Renee had left.

While the present exchange had been nice, it just wasn't the same without her. It was strange and weird to have her absent in that moment, like I was from some parallel universe. My world was so much like the one I was in, but things weren't the same. Random things had changed and I no longer understood it.

I kept telling myself things would get better; I just had to give them time.

When I was alone, in my room, I opened the gift Renee had sent home with me. It was a new camera. I smiled at her thoughtfulness and called her after I opened it, wishing her a merry Christmas and then speaking with my aunt, uncle, and cousins.

The girls got a Wii for Christmas, and I was kind of happy I wasn't there. They would be going insane right about now.

Charlie and I headed over to the Cullen's place around two. I knew he was a little nervous about spending so much time with people he was barely acquainted with, but I was positive he'd survive. Esme and Carlisle would make him feel right at home.

I carried Edward's presents up to his room once Esme invited us in, finding that Edward was lying on his bed with his eyes closed when I entered, listening to a brand new iPod Touch. His fist was curled into his hair as he slowly nodded his head to the music, tapping his free hand against his thigh. It was refreshing to see him so carefree and lost in something.

I set everything down and went to him, trailing my fingers along his bare arm, startling him from his peace. His eyes shot open and he gave me a coy grin, pulling out the ear buds.

"Rise Against?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"Blink," he admitted, shutting off his iPod and wrapping the headphones around it.

"Wow, when was the last time you listened to them?"

"Uh...before – before I moved," he said, glancing to me quickly before scratching the back of his neck. Blink-182, I had learned, _was _Edward's favourite band, though I had never heard him listen to them, until now. He had let it slip in conversation a few years ago and I commented that I'd never heard him play any of their songs.

Since this was before we were open and honest with each other, he wasn't very happy with me that day. I was glad this was not the case now.

"What made you want to listen?" I asked, watching in frustration as Edward acted...odd. He just wasn't being himself. He was nervous...or something. I had no fucking idea and it was driving me insane.

"I don't know," he shrugged, raking his fingers through his hair. "They used to be soothing. I would listen to them when I wanted to escape my dad. I...I wanted to see if that was still the case."

"What do you need to escape from?" I asked hesitantly, scared of his answer. My nerves must have been rolling off me because he shook his head.

"It's not you, Bella, I promise," he said reassuringly, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and warred with myself to trust him. I wanted to trust him but he was being so weird.

"Then what is it?" I questioned, curling my fingers around his shirt. "I know it's something, Edward, and I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, but you're being weird. It's making me nervous." My words were spoken through a shaky breath and I was sure he knew I was telling the truth. I found it hard to speak.

"Look at me," he commanded, waiting for me to do as he said before he continued. "I'm sorry. Bella, it's not you. There's just some shit going on in my head that I'm trying to sort out. My mind hasn't stopped since we got back. It's nothing."

"Do you promise?" I asked, watching as his emerald eyes brightened at my question. He extracted himself from me and got down on all fours, pulling out a box from beneath his bed. He then went to his closet and pushed out an even bigger box.

"I think we should do presents now," he said with a smile. I balked at his shift in attitude and the size of the big box, but didn't protest.

"O-kay," I stuttered, accepting the gift he handed to me. "Why do I have to go first?"

"Because," he replied in way of explanation. I rolled my eyes and peeled off the wrapping paper, casting him a hard stare when I saw the Lululemon logo on the box.

"Edward..."

"Shut the fuck up and open it," he said with a wave of his hand. "If you're pissed about what's in there, I'm just waiting for your reaction to what's in the bigger one."

I laughed at him even though I was now frightened to open the bigger gift.

The sweater was, of course, beautiful. It fit perfectly and it was so comfortable that I put it on...and then didn't take it off again.

"I love it, thank you," I said, leaning over and giving him a big, sloppy kiss. He grinned and motioned to the big box. "This is too much already," I warned, shaking my head as I took off the paper. I sliced open the tape on the top with my nail, finding that the box was _stuffed _with newspaper. I chanced picking it up and found that it was as light as a feather.

"Is anything even in here?" I asked after pulling out three newspaper's worth of stuffing.

"Yep," he replied, sitting there like a smug jackass.

I got down to the very bottom and saw a small, blue box, sitting perfectly in the center. I blinked for a few moments at it, before I took it in my hand and let out a shaky breath.

"What is this?" I asked, turning to him with the box held out awkwardly. My fingers were shaking so hard.

"Open it," he told me.

I swallowed harshly, lifting the lid to the box and finding a smaller, velvet box inside of that one.

My pulse...it was racing, pounding in my ears to drown out all other sound.

I closed my eyes briefly before opening the damn thing, widening my eyes and gasping at the tiny, beautiful ring nestled inside. I hadn't even registered that Edward was in front of me until he took the box from my hands and removed the piece of jewellery from it.

"This," he began, holding the ring in one hand and gently grabbing my chin with his other, "is a promise ring. We've been together for so long and so much has happened, Bella. You've always been here for me. I could always count on you. I want you to know that I can do the same. I'm such a different person now, a better person."

He paused, twirling the ring between his thumb and index finger.

"This ring is a promise, that no matter what, I will always love you. If we fight...if we get mad at each other...just remember that, please," he said, holding out the ring. I gazed down at the narrow band with the words _'I love you' _etched into it.

I nodded my head, gazing up at him as he smiled.

He took my right hand, sliding it on the ring finger. It was tight over my knuckle but fit perfectly on the bottom.

"It's also a promise that one day you'll have a bigger ring...on this hand," he whispered, taking my left hand as he spoke. I looked down to the ring on my finger and back up to Edward, drawing in an uneven breath as I launched myself at him. I jumped into his arms and he stumbled back, falling to the bed as I assaulted any part of his face with my lips.

"I love you," I mumbled between kisses as Edward struggled to sit.

"I take it you like the gifts?" he asked with a laugh. "Bella...seriously, we..."

I kissed the sweet spot on his neck and he was like putty in my arms.

"We...we what?" I asked, sliding my fingers beneath his shirt and dragging them across his torso.

"Your dad...he's uh, kind of downstairs, and I'd kind of like to keep my cock intact this Christmas, thanks," he replied with a raised brow. I laughed, but rolled off him anyway, because he was right.

"Charlie didn't even bring his gun," I teased.

"I'm sure he wouldn't think twice about a butcher knife," he retorted, sitting up and pushing his hair from his face.

I gave him another kiss, in thanks for the most beautifully amazing gift anyone had ever given me. He held me in his arms for a bit, whispering to me that he meant every word he said, and I believed him. He was acting like himself again and I was content, but I wanted to give him his gifts.

He first opened the new pyjama bottoms I got him and he loved them, claiming he was going to wear them that night. I laughed and handed him his scrapbook next, watching as he stared in awe at the book as he flipped through the pages.

"This is amazing," he said quietly, touching his fingers to some of the pictures and quotes. "How long did this take you?"

"A few days," I said offhandedly, pleased with his reaction.

"I love..." he paused when he got to the last page, losing his breath in what was hopefully a good way. His eyes flickered up to mine and he smiled, closing the book and gathering me into an intense hug.

"I love it, thank you," he said, kissing my shoulder.

"You're welcome," I replied, hugging him back just as hard. "There's one more...but I want to wait until later."

"How come?"

"Well...if I'm being honest, it's not a very...appropriate gift. Believe me, if you opened it now, you would just be making yourself suffer," I said with a grin. He frowned, completely clueless as to what I was alluding to. I was happy that he was sometimes oblivious to life.

He shrugged in acquiescence and we headed downstairs because I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help. Edward's fingers were laced with mine and he rubbed his thumb over my ring repeatedly, making me smile so much my mouth was beginning to hurt.

Esme fawned over the ring, commenting that the size was perfect, that I was the same as her. I showed Charlie and he furrowed his brows heavily, before saying it was 'real pretty' and heading to living room to watch television with Carlisle. I shook my head at his fatherly behaviour, knowing any dad would have done the same.

Edward and I helped Esme cook, though Edward was pretty much useless and left after a little while to watch TV. Bonding with Esme was something I had been doing a lot lately and I really enjoyed it. She was such a nice and honest person, not to mention she was funny and quirky in her own way.

Dinner was served at five and it was a loud event. Emmett, as per usual, ate a ton, concerning my father. He gaped at how much Emmett was inhaling, but I assured him that it was normal; it was simply Emmett. That was what he did.

After dessert – a delicious cheesecake – I helped with loading the dishwasher before we all retired to the living room. I curled up to Edward on the loveseat, feeling about thirty pounds heavier than I had been. It was uncomfortable, but I was too sleepy from the turkey to care.

I was in and out of consciousness as everyone else chatted and watched TV. Whenever Edward laughed, my whole body shook with his and I would frown, trying to shift to get comfortable again. I think they thought I was asleep, because they began talking about what to do with me.

"...really its fine," I heard Esme say.

"Are you sure?" Charlie had asked this.

"I'm positive. She stays here all the time, really," Esme replied.

I felt the heat of lips on my forehead before Charlie's voice whispered a small goodbye. I was sad that he was leaving, but my limbs refused to reply or acknowledge anything going on in my head. Seconds after his presence was gone, I fell asleep.

---

I startled myself awake, sitting quickly as I clutched my hand to my chest. I couldn't remember what my dream had been about, but it was not at all pleasant. I was shaking.

"Hey, you okay?" Edward asked from beside me. We were in his bed, and it was dark, save for the small amount of light coming from his lamp.

"Uh...no, yeah, I'm good," I replied, waving my hand and trying to catch my breath, "just scared myself awake."

"You're okay," he murmured, leaning into me and gently kissing my bare shoulder. I realized then that I was in my bra and jeans.

"How in the hell did I get like this?" I asked with a laugh.

"You were sweating when we got up here, so I took your sweater off," he said. "I didn't want you to wake up hot and uncomfortable."

He was such a sweetheart.

"Thanks," I replied, lying back down and dragging my fingers through my hair. "What time is it?"

"One," he told me. I turned on my side and smiled when I saw he was sitting up with his back against the headboard, cradling the scrapbook in his lap. I watched him for another few minutes, remembering that I hadn't yet given him his other gift.

I climbed over him, searching the floor and finding it almost instantly. I set it in his lap and he smiled, shifting the scrapbook to the bed sheets.

"This is really for both of us," I said, sticking my hands in the back pockets of my jeans.

He tore through the paper and opened the box, gaping at the contents before his dark, hungry eyes fell on me. He cleared his throat, trying to appear calm and cool before he spoke.

"Thank you, Bella, but I don't believe this is my size," he said, holding up the sheer, red fabric with one finger. I pretended to be genuinely concerned, frowning and leaning in to check the size on the garment.

"Oh? Well, would you look at that," I replied, taking the lingerie from his hands, "it happens to be _my _size."

His hands clenched into fists and his gaze was so intense that between my thighs was already aching for his touch. I hurried into the bathroom and changed into the lingerie that left very, very little to the imagination. The panties were the only thing that really covered me as the top was completely see-through. I could see every part of my torso, nipples and all.

I steeled myself for his reaction before I turned off the light and opened the door. Edward was beneath the covers and the book was on the floor. He sat up when I came out, the comforter falling to his naked hips as his eyes roamed my body. He stood when I was before him, and I felt wetness pooling as he was completely without clothing whatsoever.

"Do you realize how beautiful you are?" he asked, running his hands up my thighs and under the fabric as he bent his neck and placed soft, sweet kisses on my shoulder. I let myself drown in the sensations, gasping and moaning loudly when he bit down on my throat.

I grabbed at the skin of my neck as Edward pulled his face up to mine, smiling, revealing what I felt.

He had put on the fangs.

---

New Years Eve was officially the shittiest day of the year.

Edward and I had been fighting non-stop since the day after Christmas. I didn't know what the fuck his problem was, but he was being weird again. He had stopped being strange and distant on Christmas, but directly after, he was different. I wanted to know why but he kept telling me to leave it alone.

I was sitting at Alice's, grumbling things to myself, finding that my resolve slipped a bit each time I looked at the ring on my finger; his promise.

_This ring is a promise, that no matter what, I will always love you._

Even if I rip your fingernails from their cuticles, will you still love me then?

I was so angry with him. I just wanted to know what he was thinking. I didn't know why it posed such a problem for him. So I was at Alice's trying to cool off as well as helping her to set up for New Years. It was just the six of us and their parents, nothing big, but Alice...well, she was Alice.

Everything to do with the holidays was a big deal.

"Bella, come on, can you please help?" she pouted, handing me a crown that said 'New Years 2010' on it. I stuck it on my head and helped her put up some blue and white streamers.

Rosalie was there too, helping, seeming just as put off as I was. It wasn't that I wasn't excited to ring in a new year with all my friends...it was just that I was pissed the fuck off at Edward.

What happened to all that stuff about no more secrets? What happened to his promises of always being with me and telling me when something was bothering him?

I was so upset I thought I would cry, so I excused myself, collecting my thoughts in the bathroom before I made a decision. I told Alice and Rose I would be back later because I had to talk to Edward. I was going to confront him, demand to know what his problem was.

I didn't even knock on the front door to his house before I went to the living room.

"Where's Edward?" I asked Emmett, who was there with Jasper, playing a video game.

"Room," Emmett replied, twisting the controller in his hand as he played.

"Okay, so listen, I really need to..." I stopped my rant when I walked in his room, feeling as all the air left my lungs in a painful gasp. "Edward..."

He was on the floor, huddled, rocking back and forth as his head was between his knees. His hands were fisted in his hair and his knuckles were white with how hard of a grip he had on it.

"Edward, talk to me. What's wrong?" I asked, falling to my knees, putting my hands over his and trying to pry them away. "Please, Edward, look at me. What's happening?"

Tears welled in my eyes when he lifted his head. His cheeks were as red as his eyes and his bottom lip was bleeding.

"What happened?" I whispered, swiping my thumb over the dot of blood and smearing it on my jeans. He licked the spot I had touched and shook his head.

"I need help," he replied quietly, speaking with the floor.

"With what? I'm here," I assured, rubbing my hand over his knee. "What –"

"No, Bella," he said, shaking his head again before he looked up to me. His eyes held something I hadn't seen in a while; defeat, "professional help."

**

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**A/N: ***AcrossTheSkyInStars ducks and hides* No hating, please! It had to happen. Let me know your thoughts. I will be offering teasers again, for those who leave me some love : ) If you are an anon reviewer, PLEASE check out the FanFicAholics Anon discussion board on Facebook. A thread called Teasers is where I will also post a small excerpt for the next chapter : ) My name is Tanya, just so you're all aware or have forgotten ; )

The song quoted at the beginning is Anberlin with Symphony of Blasé. Amazing song. I seriously suggest listening.

Again, Bella's ring is on my profile, if anyone hasn't taken a look yet.

Next chapter is the LAST CHAPTER! Then the epilogue. See you all there! Leave some love : )


	29. No Regrets

**A/N: **Sigh, hey all : ) I'm terribly sorry this is a little later than I intended, but I think I've been subconsciously holding off because I don't want it to end. This chapter was emotional for me to write.

THE _LAST_ CHAPTER. That's right. I cried. I'm saying goodbye to my baby after so many months of working on it.

Just a quick note that tomorrow I will be posting the second chapter of my story; The Hunt. If you don't have me on author alert or forgot I was starting another story, please feel free to head on over to my profile to check it out. It's a Twilight/Supernatural crossover that my beta, Claire, has dubbed TwiNatural ; )

Shout-outs at the bottom! I know you all want to read this instead of reading my rambles.

Enjoy!

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"_**You make it hard for breathing**_

_**Cause when I close my eyes and drift away**_

_**I think of you and everything's okay; I'm finally now believing**_

_**That maybe it's true, I can't live without you**_

_**Maybe two, is better than one**_

_**There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life**_

_**And you've already got me coming undone**_

_**And I'm thinking two, is better than one"**_

**e.p.o.v**

_This is what you wanted. This was _your _decision._

I repeated my mantra in my head as I sat at the island in the kitchen, staring dejectedly at my sad bowl of soggy cereal. I pushed it around with my spoon, dreading the fact that a week had already passed and it was Saturday again.

Most kids begged for the weekend to come, but now, I wished for the opposite.

It was _my _decision to go to therapy, but it was something I had been hesitant about doing. Revealing all the fucked up shit from my past to a total stranger wasn't something I was entirely thrilled with attempting.

When we got back from Chicago, things were just...bad. Bella left almost immediately for Seattle and I spiralled down, replaying and overanalyzing everything that had happened in my life. Things were haunting me, startling me awake at night, making me think _way _too fucking much.

I was shielding myself from Esme and Carlisle, telling everyone to leave me alone because I couldn't stand the looks they were giving me. Pity smiles and sympathetic gazes were slapping me in the face and I hated that they thought I was some charity case. I didn't need it, any of it. I just wanted to be alone, to wait until Bella got back because she was the only one that even remotely made me feel better.

By the time she returned, I had barely left my room, and I'd had another night terror. I never remembered what happened in them, but Esme was in my room one morning, huddled on my couch in what had to be the most awkward sleeping position I'd ever seen. I felt horrible for making her feel like she had to be there with me.

It only added to the list of shit that made me want to hit myself.

But Bella came back, and I was happy. She made me smile and things felt right again. At the same time, all the other shit that had been stewing in my brain was still there, lingering, nagging at me. I tried to push my thoughts from my head but they stayed, persisting like a contagious disease.

My bad mood was spreading to everyone else so I was trying to be distant, trying to sort out my own problems in a way that wasn't working. My mind was a dangerous place and it did me no good to push Bella out of the darkness. Leaving me alone to my issues was just as unhealthy as it had always been, and New Years Eve, I snapped.

I'm calling it a nervous breakdown because that's the only way I can describe it. My head felt like it was going to explode and I couldn't stand the pressure. I bit my lip until it bled, until I could taste the coppery warmth on my tongue. I was so lost in my thoughts and I just wanted them gone. I tried to make them go away, to wish them out of my head, but it was useless.

I ended up rocking myself on the floor, pleading with my memories to stop playing like a real life movie behind my eyelids. I gripped at my hair to worry myself with the pain instead of the past, but nothing worked.

I knew it wasn't effective. My method of trying to fix myself was a useless attempt. There was nothing I could do, and my realization led me to one conclusion.

I needed help. I needed paid, professional help, someone who could actually fix me, to make me into a normal person. I was deeply embarrassed that it had taken me so long to reach this point, even when Carlisle had suggested it when I first moved here.

When everything was so fresh in my mind is when I should have gone. I should have listened to his advice; I should have gone to therapy when I moved to Forks. Instead I stayed that stubborn, broken teenager for years longer than I should have.

I was hesitant about going to therapy, but I was positive that I'd made the right decision. The past was eating away at my soul and I wanted it to stop. If that meant divulging my darkest secrets to a stranger, then that's what I was going to do.

I'd been to three sessions so far, all of which had been awkward and uncomfortable. I felt like a science experiment, something put under the microscope in Biology. Dr. King's questions were complex and required long, painful answers. It was as if someone was splitting me open with a scalpel, digging up all the memories and the things I'd rather leave behind, hollowing me out until I could give no more.

Afterwards, I was drained, like I'd been hit in the chest with a sledgehammer. I wanted to crawl inside myself and just hide, but then I would think about her observations. What she said made sense. Despite how much I talked of my past, what she told me was actually helping.

She said while I had resolved in my head that my mother's death was not my fault, I hadn't truly forgiven myself. When I thought about it, I really hadn't. I still felt responsible, even though I'd been told countless times there was no reason for me to feel that way.

I thought Chicago would be the answer. I thought if I made peace with my father, things would disappear. I thought my hate and fear would dissipate. I know now that I thought wrong.

Chicago was never the answer, it was merely the gateway. Without confronting my past, I would have never gotten to where I am now. I would have never admitted to needing help in the first place and I'd likely still be pushing people away, battling the memories in my internal war.

I knew I was on the right track. No matter how much it hurt, I needed to keep going.

I was fed up with trying to eat the nasty cereal, so I dumped it down the sink, putting the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher. I looked up, catching sight of the elementary colourings on the refrigerator; there were three.

One was from Bella, one was from her cousin Sarah, and one was from the other twin, Kylie. She told me about her time with her mom and how many questions the twins asked. I laughed when she said they had asked about me and whether or not we kissed.

It was all so simple when you were little. Things weren't as complicated. Life didn't appear to be so hard.

There aren't words to describe how thankful I would be, if only my biggest problem was cooties.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out, not needing to look at the caller ID because I already knew who it was. She was the best part of any day and I was eager to see her. She only stayed on nights that Charlie worked, and lately, that hadn't been often. I missed the extra time with her, but Saturdays were beginning to be our days.

I was advised to have someone with me when I went to therapy, not to sit in on the session, but for moral support afterwards. I was glad Carlisle suggested it; because the first time I went, I was shaking so hard I could barely get in the car. I'm sure Bella thought I was off my rocker but she was amazing. She talked to me the whole ride home and calmed me down, making me smile by being her crazy, beautiful self.

Since then, she'd come with me each time, and instead of coming home afterwards, we would stay in Port Angeles for the day, hanging out and doing whatever came to us. It was relaxing after such a tiring and draining ordeal, and as much as I dreaded Saturdays, what followed the therapy made my week.

I answered the call and told Bella I'd be on my way to pick her up shortly. I just needed to talk to Carlisle first. I headed up to his office, where I met him every Saturday before my session. My therapist said it was ill advised to keep myself in the dark on my father's condition, so I would talk with him every Saturday morning about my father and his health.

He hadn't been doing well. He'd had several more seizures in the past month and he was now unable to breathe without the use of a machine. I knew he didn't have long and the constant image of his bruised face stayed at the forefront of my mind.

I tried to shake it off, to think of other things, but it was hard. I could feel that tug, the small hold he still had on me. It was unexplainable. It was this invisible thing that kept me tied down, unable to move.

I was doing all I could to wriggle free.

---

"What now?" Bella asked, holding my hand as we walked down the virtually empty streets of Port Angeles. We were quite possibly the only people brave enough – or stupid enough – to be walking in such fucking inhumane weather.

"Uh," I said, my lips quivering in the cold as the wind picked up and stung my cheeks, "Something warm – coffee? I'm fucking freezing."

"Sounds good," she replied, securing her scarf over her nose as we headed to the Starbucks around the corner. I gripped her woolly hand tighter in mine as we walked, finding that the weather and being with Bella was certainly helping to clear my mind of my session with Dr. King.

We talked a lot about my father and it was stressful to recall everything. Dr. King was a patient woman, dealing with me as I struggled to talk during the sessions. Sometimes I would sit there, losing myself in my thoughts as she asked me small questions. I would offer her one-word answers, giving her something but not giving her nearly enough.

I was trying as best I could to open up and I was pretty sure she understood that.

Bella and I entered the cafe and my skin rippled with goose bumps from the warmth and the smell of the shop. There were a few people scattered inside, sitting alone at tables, reading newspapers and drinking their four-dollar coffees. It was highway robbery the amount they charged at this fucking place. As if shit wasn't expensive enough.

I pulled off my gloves and stuck them in my jacket pockets, taking my wallet from my jeans. Bella removed her hat and mitts, stuffing them in her bag as she flexed her fingers. We ordered our drinks and some food and headed to a booth, sitting side by side and talking quietly. Bella curled underneath my arm and sipped on her tea, soothingly rubbing her free hand on my knee.

I was comfortable and content.

"You don't...regret going to Chicago...do you?" Bella asked, drawing an invisible pattern on my leg as she watched her movements. I tilted my head to look down at her but she didn't meet my gaze.

"No," I replied, setting my cup down on the table. "I know, with the way I've been acting, it seems like I do...but I don't."

Her eyes lifted and she looked at me, studying my face as I did the same to her.

"I'm just trying to make sense of it all," I said quietly, giving her a small half-smile. She leant up and kissed me, fisting her hand around my jacket to pull her body closer to mine.

"I know," she said against my lips, dropping her head to my shoulder and resting her cheek there. "I'm glad you're doing this."

I sighed, "Me too. It...it'll just take some time to get used to, I suppose."

Bella twirled her ring around the base of her finger as we sat in silence, listening to the quiet trickle of music that softly filled the store. My mood was mellowing out and I was happy with myself. I wasn't freaking out about my sessions anymore, at least not as much as I had in the beginning.

I could do this.

---

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner repeated in irritation. My eyes snapped up from my book and I drew a total blank. I had no idea what he'd asked me.

"Uh, can you repeat the question?" I replied. Bella snorted softly beside me and I gently kicked her in the ankle.

Mr. Banner sighed. "This, Mr. Cullen," he pointed to a diagram of the heart on the overhead projector, "what is it?"

I squinted at the diagram, trying to see what his fat ass finger was directing my eyes to.

"Uh, pulmonary artery?" I guessed, tapping my pen uneasily against my book.

He glanced up to me from the overhead and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose.

"Very good," he murmured, "pay attention."

I rolled my eyes and propped my elbow up on the table. My cheek fell to my palm and I watched Bella as she took notes. She was wearing the sweater I had gotten her for Christmas and her hair was pulled back into a loose bun.

I never tired of just looking at her. She was so beautiful.

The rest of class was boring as hell and Mr. Banner droned on and on about the heart. Artery this, red blood cell that. It was repetitive and monotone, making me nearly fall asleep so early in the morning.

Lunch came and I had never been so happy to get out of there in my entire life. I was thrilled that there was only another week left. One week until exams, and then I was free from Biology, hopefully for good. Bella felt the same as Mr. Banner's lectures had had the same effect on her. She'd actually fallen asleep last week, long enough for her to drool all over the page of her notebook.

It was too funny to wake her up, so I left her, watching in amusement as her lips moved gently in her sleep.

Bella and I headed to the cafeteria after Biology. I bought her lunch and we sat down at the table we always occupied. Jasper was in school for his last week of co-op to work on assignments and he was already there beside Alice, tipping her iPhone dangerously as his brows furrowed. The games on those things were addictive.

"Edward," Alice beamed at me as we sat, "guess what came out today?"

I frowned. "No idea; what?"

"_The _Final Destination!" she exclaimed happily. I laughed at her exuberance over a movie that would most likely be gory but corny as hell. "I'm totally going to buy it later and we have to watch it, okay?"

"All right, Alice," I said with a nod, slinging my arm around the back of Bella's chair and pulling her closer, "my house after school?" I whispered in her ear.

"Where else would I be?" she replied, turning slightly and softly pecking at my lips. I leaned in closer for another kiss but instead she pressed a French fry against my mouth, covering my bottom lip and chin with ketchup. I licked a bit off my skin and sat back in the chair, cocking my brow as I looked at her.

It was one of those looks that said 'did you really _just _do that?'

She drew her bottom lip into her mouth and then ate the fry, carrying on like nothing had happened.

"Excuse me," I said patiently, waiting until her eyes met mine, "I believe you have a mess to clean up." I gestured to my face and she laughed.

"You're such a sloppy eater, Edward."

She took my chin in her hand and pulled my face to hers, licking off the excess ketchup.

"Bella!" I said in shock, wiping my hand across my chin. "God, you really don't care what people think, do you?"

"Just figuring that out now?" she asked, dipping another fry in the ketchup before popping it in her mouth. "You're slower than I thought."

"And you're fucking sarcastic as hell," I pointed out, slipping my hand from her shoulder and sliding my fingers through the hairs pulled back at the nape of her neck. "I love it."

She smirked and carried on eating while the rest of us did the same. Emmett and Rose joined the table halfway through, looking more than suspicious and thoroughly frazzled. They sat down and avoided all of our questioning gazes, but Rose caved and glanced up to Bella, only to blush profusely.

I laughed. She was so easily embarrassed.

Lunch was over much too quickly and Emmett and I walked with Rose and Bella to their trig class. I pulled her aside and kissed her, and it wasn't some awkward, chaste kiss either. I was past that shit. I could actually kiss my girlfriend in public now, and feel fucking _comfortable. _

Fuck you, past.

We agreed to just meet at my house because she had driven the truck to school today, and I said goodbye before I got carried away. I headed to calc, spying Stanley and Newton nearly dry humping against the lockers on the way there. I shuddered at the unholy union. It was gag worthy, but I was happy they had each other. It saved me the unwanted conversations with Jessica about how I wasn't going to ditch class to smoke pot with her, no matter how good the shit was.

The end of the day was undoubtedly the most boring, so I found myself drifting and daydreaming, thinking about tonight. I needed a night to just forget about school and therapy, to hang out with my friends with no cares. I was thrilled about relaxing for once.

Everything following Christmas had been so stressful that it seemed as if I'd been constantly doing things, constantly moving. We hadn't all hung out as a group since New Years, and it was well overdue.

I was itching to get out of school; I felt trapped.

The second the bell rang, I was out of my seat and rushing through the doors, bumping into people, though I didn't give a fuck. I made it outside and to the Volvo, undeterred by the fact that it was monsoon-worthy weather.

I was soaked. By the time I slipped inside the Volvo, my jeans and jacket were ten pounds heavier with all the water they'd absorbed, squeaking against the cold leather. You'd think it would snow in January, not rain.

I rolled my eyes at the retarded weather and headed home, putting the wipers on the highest setting and still not able to see shit.

My mouth was pasty and dry because I worried for Bella. If my brand new Volvo couldn't even cut through this rain, how would Bella's ancient truck do that?

I tapped my fingers uneasily against the steering wheel, trying to decide whether or not I should call her and see if she was okay. On one hand, it would distract her from driving, but on the other, it would calm my nerves.

I didn't want to chance getting her into an accident so I just kept driving, praying that she made it to my house safely.

I was anxious when I arrived home, only to see that Bella's truck pulled into the driveway not two minutes later. My heartbeat slowed to a reasonable pace and I let out a sigh of relief as I sat on the porch, waiting for her to make her way up to me.

She wasn't like most girls, though I had figured that out a long time ago. She didn't rush through the rain, holding her bag above her head so it didn't get her hair wet. She didn't screech annoyingly because her clothes were drenched. She walked at a normal pace, letting the rain fall over her face because she didn't care.

She wasn't exactly high maintenance, which had to be one of the most amazing things about her.

"It's like taking a shower," she said as she dragged her sopping boots up the steps. "A little shampoo and some soap, and I'd be all set."

I laughed, "You would too, wouldn't you?"

She sat down beside me on the wet stairs and shrugged, "Maybe."

"Well how about we get out of this rain and have an actual shower?" I suggested. She looked up at me, her lips tinged blue from the cold and her cheeks streaked as rainwater fell from her eyelashes. The corners of her mouth pulled up into a smile as she drew in a shaky breath and released it, producing a small wisp of air between us.

"You read my mind," she said, turning quickly and taking off into the house. I scrambled off the step and slipped, dropping my bag and watching as a notebook, a textbook, and some pens fell across the porch.

"Fuck," I muttered, bending down to grab the soaking wet books. I knew the ink would bleed across the pages and the notes would be ruined. I just hoped the textbook could be dried. I didn't want to pay for that shit when it wasn't even mine to keep.

I gathered the wet books and slung my bag over my shoulder, kicking the door open. I dropped the books on the hall table and set my bag on the floor with a moist 'slap.' I put my boots over the vent and hung my coat on the banister, right over top of Bella's.

She wasn't in the foyer so I headed up the stairs, finding Bella's socks scattered one step away from each other. I frowned, picking them up with one finger and looking up to find her jeans at the top of the stairs.

I took the last few steps two at a time and peered around the corner, finding that her sweater had been shed just outside my door.

I smirked at her unorthodox striptease and my cock would have been hard, had I not been so cold that it was trying to crawl up inside my body.

I picked the sweater off the floor and pushed open the door to my room, seeing the soft glow of light coming from bathroom, pouring out onto the carpet. Her shirt lay outside the door and I grabbed that article of clothing as well, gently nudging the door to the bathroom with my toe.

It creaked opened and I found Bella sitting on the closed toilet seat in nothing but her sexy white bra and panties. I dropped her clothes to the floor because my body had jumped in temperature. My cock decided it wasn't so cold in here after all.

---

"Yo, bro, knock, knock!" Emmett said obnoxiously, adding four booming raps just for good measure. Bella drew the covers up further over us because we were still in bed, sans clothes. Esme wouldn't be home for another half an hour so we were enjoying the time to ourselves.

Enter Emmett.

"Yeah, Em," I replied, rolling my eyes. They drifted to Bella as she shrunk underneath my arm. He opened the door and poked his head inside, leaning forward with his hand on the doorknob. Bella buried her face against my chest as Emmett laughed.

"You two are unbelievable," he said, bowing his head as laughter rocked his body. "School's been done for like…an hour."

"Eh, fuck off," I said, smiling as I heard Bella groan in embarrassment. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Just to let you know that we're all here, Jazz and Alice too," he said, quirking his brow. "So, you know, finish, or whatever, and get your ass downstairs."

I was mildly offended at his sick humour so I grabbed the towel at the end of the bed and whipped it at him. Of course, it fell about five feet short and wouldn't have done any damage anyway, but I had to do something.

He simply laughed and shut the door before gallivanting off down the stairs.

"Why do we know people so utterly moronic?" I asked, leaning back against the headboard as Bella sat up on her elbow.

"He's your cousin," she retorted, "you can't get rid of him, he's family."

"Ah, technicality," I replied, waving my hand to dismiss it. I nuzzled against the comforter and the pillow and murmured, "I'm so comfortable; I don't want to move."

She snuggled up to me and drew the blanket down over my chest, bending her neck to pepper the skin in soft, slow kisses. She gazed up to me through her lashes, smiling before she trailed her lips over my collarbone, then my throat. I angled my head away as she gently bit on my earlobe.

"Bella," I groaned, grabbing the crook of her knee and draping it across my waist, "please stop. We…should go downstairs."

She sighed in my ear and pulled away.

"But I'm comfortable too," she pouted cutely.

"Please don't tempt me," I whispered as her teeth grazed my earlobe again. "Do you really want Emmett to come barging back in here?"

She laughed and then sat up. "That would be a resounding no," she answered quickly.

She didn't have any clean clothes with her here, or even a dry set of underwear, so I gave her something of mine. I found her a too small pair of track pants from when I was younger and an over-sized sweatshirt. The fact that she was going commando _and _not wearing a bra gave me a semi as we headed downstairs with our soaked clothes.

We put them in the dryer and followed the raised voices to the living room, where Emmett and Jasper were playing a racing game. Alice and Rose were sitting on the floor at their feet just watching, listening as Emmett's loud voice echoed off the walls.

"Seriously," I muttered to Bella, "why?"

"Family," she said in response.

I sighed and we sat down on the loveseat, watching as Emmett kicked Jasper's ass at Need for Speed or whatever they were playing. Alice and Rose protested after a while that the game was stupid and boring, and Bella and I sat quietly, listening as the four of them argued.

Ah, how I had missed these times.

I may have broken out of my shell, shown myself to the people I loved, but I was still the same fundamental person. I wasn't wild and crazy, and I certainly never made a point to jump into situations like _that. _When arguments arose or playful bickering took place between the four of them, Bella and I just sat back and observed.

It may seem like something ridiculous and annoying to outsiders, but it was times like these that I was thankful for my friends. They were people who were unique and fun, each having their own amazing personality, being their own person. I admired them all for being so sure of themselves and sometimes strived to get myself on the same path.

I may have been the weakest of the bunch, unsure of my place in this world and who I wanted to be, but I was slowly figuring it out. These past couple of months had changed my life, and I didn't regret one, single second of anything that had happened.

Fights had been had and relationships had been tested, but the end result was more worth it than I could have ever imagined. I had a family now, and not just Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett. I had Alice, Jasper, and Rose too.

My friends were my family. They were some of the closest people to me, and since I'd told them about my past, there had been no secrets. I mean, I didn't tell them _everything_ but there were no dark corners for me anymore. I was done hiding and allowing the emotion to build up inside me.

When something was wrong, I talked about it. I had learned in therapy to deal with my emotions and I was grateful to Dr. King. Despite how reserved I sometimes acted during the sessions, I listened closely to what she said and really tried to do the things she suggested.

Listening as Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett bickered back and forth, I felt so carefree. Bella was sitting on my lap with the blanket around her, resting her head on my shoulder as her body rocked gently with her silent laughter. I had my arms secured over her waist, holding her tightly to me.

It was loud and obnoxious, but for me, it was home.

---

Dinner, no surprise, was a loud event as well. Esme hadn't expected the whole gang for dinner so she ordered pizza and wings. Carlisle came home just as the pizza arrived and we all sat down together at the table, eating and talking loudly about at least five different things. So many conversations were started that I couldn't keep track.

I was quiet after a while, just listening and watching again, laughing when Alice got a lovely dollop of blue cheese dressing on her nose. I have no idea how it happened, but it had me in stitches for minutes after she'd wiped it off her face.

"Okay, Edward, it wasn't _that _funny," Alice pouted, waving her half-eaten chicken wing at me.

I laughed again, "I'm sorry, I thought it was pretty funny. I can't help it." I winked at her and she stuck her tongue out at me before returning to her meal.

When dinner was done, we all put our plates in the dishwasher and headed to the living room to watch The Final Destination. Alice was so excited I thought her little head was going to pop off; I thought maybe she was on something.

"You know," I began, sinking down on the loveseat next to Bella, "I think you may have some type of disease." I had been addressing Alice and she turned to me as she grabbed some blankets from the chest on the opposite side of the living room.

"Are you talking to me?" she asked, pointing to herself with her free hand as she dragged the blankets across the floor.

"Yes I'm talking to you," I replied with a chuckle. "I swear...someone with so much energy can't possibly be normal."

Rosalie laughed loudly and then covered her mouth as Alice shot her a look.

"Sorry," she whispered with a smile, "it's true."

Alice harrumphed and sat down next to Jasper as Emmett leant up to turn off the light. Bella snuggled up to my side and I felt her hot mouth against my ear as the previews started.

"I agree with you," she said quietly, "she needs a tranquilizer some days."

I tried to stifle my laughter as she sank back down to my side.

"Agreed," I told her with a nod.

The movie began and, as predicted, it was gory and so fake that I couldn't help but laugh some more. I'd never seen a car race go so horribly fucking wrong in my life. There was _no _way that shit would ever happen.

"Alice, this is retarded," I said, just as some hillbilly guy got dragged down a road by a phantom car, _on fire. _"Look! Like, what the fuck?"

"Oh, shut it," she said, flipping me the bird, "I love these movies."

I rolled my eyes and turned to Bella. "I'm going to get a drink," I whispered to her, "do you want something?"

She looked up to me, her brows furrowing in contemplation.

"Uh, maybe a snack?"

"You're still hungry?" I chuckled, tickling her side. "We just had dinner."

"So?" she frowned, leaning up to kiss my chin. "I want a snack."

"Okay," I acquiesced, "I'll get you a snack."

I untangled myself from her and headed to the kitchen, finding Carlisle and Esme sitting at the island, quietly conversing with one another.

"Hey, sweetie," Esme said when I entered, "how's the movie?"

I shrugged, "It's all right. What are you two doing?"

I made some popcorn and poured drinks for Bella and I while I carried on the conversation with Carlisle and Esme. The phone rang and Carlisle answered it as I dumped the popcorn in the bowl.

"Hello? This is he," Carlisle said into the receiver. I tossed the bag into the garbage as he continued to talk and I turned around, trying to carry both drinks and the bowl at the same time. Carlisle's eyes met mine and they widened as his lips parted. "Oh...well, I...thank you, I appreciate the call. Thank you very much. All right – you too...goodbye."

"What was that about?" I asked, setting down the stuff in my hands because it was all slipping.

"Uh...that –"

"Carlisle?" Esme said in concern. "What is it?"

"That was the hospital," he said quietly, locking his eyes with mine again.

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. "And – what is it? Is...you know..." I couldn't finish my sentence, so instead I waved my hand suggestively, knowing he would understand.

"Yeah," he nodded, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, "he's gone."

I gripped onto the counter top and nodded back at him, feeling as tears stung as my eyes as well, though none fell.

"Are you okay?" Esme asked sweetly, placing her hand on top of mine. I could hear the way her voice shook and I knew she was crying.

"I'm...I'm fine," I said honestly, breathing out with a small smile. My vision cleared and I glanced to Esme, watching as silent tears fell down her cheeks.

It was a strange feeling, knowing he was gone. I wasn't sad that he had passed; actually it was quite the opposite. I realized that the unshed tears had been of happiness; that the terror of my past had finally peeled its last finger from my soul.

My life was _mine _to live, however I wanted. Nothing from my past would ever hold me back or take me prisoner and nothing would hinder me from being myself, because there was nothing around for me to fear.

He had taken that with him when he had gone, and now I was free.

**

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**A/N:** For one last time, just humour me. Let me know all your fabulous thoughts : ) There WILL be an Epilogue, but this is technically the last chapter; teasers for the Epi for those who review.

I want to say a MAJOR thank you to all my ladies over at FFA; GLee68, readingmama, Addicted Necker, Feral and Ferla, vivid. daydreamer, m81170, Silverspoon – even when we're having a wretched day, we manage to cheer each other up. Thanks for always being awesome, ladies.

Claire Bloom, AKA my online BF for life (whether she likes it or not): thank you so much for being incredibly amazing. You really have no idea how much you mean to me and I could have never gotten through all this nonsense without your help. dolphin62598: Jess, thanks a bunch for being a fantastic beta. You really know what you're talking about and I love the things you've taught me. I'm getting better, yes? Hardly any mistakes lately, haha. Thanks for being great!

Also, thanks to all my loyal reviewers, those who stopped by every chapter, even if to tell me they loved the update ; ) I really appreciate everything, just so you all know. Thanks for making this story so much more than I thought it would be.

The song quoted at the beginning (yes, I got sappy) is Two is Better Than One, by Boys Like Girls ft. TSwift. Awesome song. Love it.

Anyway, Epilogue will be up sometime within in the next week or two. Leave me some love : )


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